The Lumberjack's Wife

David seperated our bull, Ep, from the cows a couple of months ago.  The idea was to keep him away from all of our lovely ladies so we could have some “control” over calving season.

One day last week, the cows decided they had enough of that nonsense and they breached the corral.

Ep is now roaming wild and free.  He is enjoying getting reaquainted with all of his lady friends.  And now we will probably have calves in December.  Which is less than ideal.

Mildred’s calf is odd.

I find him sleeping like this all the time:

So he makes me think he is dead, and I go to try and assist, and then he runs away from me.  So far, every time I think he is dead, he is really alive.  So that’s good.

Hadley turned 17.  So that’s weird.

Let us take a walk down memory lane.

Hadley, age 4.

Hadley (black shirt) and Kate running away from David.  He had caught a fish.

Hadley’s first day of kindergarten.

Hadley, age 6, with her birthday buddy cousin back in 2010.

And the birthday cousins last month:

When looking through photos, I found these three fun ones of Hadley and her Uncle Jason.

Remember Jason?

He is a good uncle.

And, so, she is 17.  Just like that.

She is kind, helpful, and tons of fun.  We’ll keep her.

Speaking of cute girls we want to keep . . .

Hazel is all hot stuff now and spends most of the day in the main cow pen.  I still baby her by putting her in the warm and cozy chicken coop at night with a heatlamp.

She enjoys eating and sucking on my pants.  She greatly dislikes when her bottle is empty.

The other morning, I was checking the cows with baby Hazel.  And I heard coyotes!

Like, for real!

But I knew David would not believe me.  So I sent him this video.

And I was, like, David!  Will they kill Hazel?

And he was, like, Probably!

So I had a new thing to worry about.

David:  Just send HD out there with his gun.

Me:  !

David:  It is fine.

Me:  !

Me:  No!

Me:  !

The boys finished up their basketball season.  We surprised HD with a pair of  basketball shoes that he wanted for his birthday.  They are blue and cost a pretty penny.

Also.  Size 12.  So that’s something of note.

They took second place and it was a fun season to watch.  Here is a fun video clip of the two of them.  HD (11) passing to LD (20).

And one of HD making a three pointer.

And thus concludes the 2020-2021 basketball season.

***

On Sunday, we had a big family scavenger hunt party to celebrate Hadley, HD, and one of my niece’s birthdays.  It was tons of fun and Jason and the fam even came.

Remember Jason?

Today is HD’s actual birthday.  He is fourteen and can we all agree that is impossible?

Here are some pictures.  For to look back upon.

Newborn HD:

HD with his first pair of glasses.

HD after his bulldozer fiasco.  You can read about that fun event here.

HD and LD after picking blueberries from our garden.

Look closely.

I solemnly swear to never delete this photo forever and ever.

Amen.

And here is this precious picture.

And this one from when he still smiled.

Hadley’s birthday is the day after HD’s.  When he was little, he had a hard time understanding that his birthday was over and his sister’s was the next day.

As evidenced by this photo:

Happy Tuesday!

When working with struggling readers, I have to check in and progress monitor them often.  One such student, we’ll call him Al, had a breakthrough week last week.  Like it was incredible.  He read beautifully and mastered some more sight words.  Al and I called Al’s mom over to the Zoom screen and the three of us had an “Al is the Best Reader Ever” party.

This week, Al regretted to inform me that on this day, his mouth could not say the short a sound.

“Mrs. M!  My mouth just can’t do it!  It can’t say the sound for “a”!  It just can’t!”

As he said “a”  in can’t multiple times.

Al is tons of fun.  Instead of submitting math last week, he submitted a motivational pep talk to his peers.  The kids have two math workbooks and they just finished their first one and we were moving on to the second one.

Al:  “You guys!  We did it!  And not just me!  All of us! We did a whole math book! And that is really something!  We did good!”

So, of course he received full credit.  And I sent the video to his mama and it was precious.  Because it is ok if he isn’t a math whiz kid, but he does have a solid handle on growing as a learner and encouraging others.

We are wrapping up our reading of “Farmer Boy.”  Have I mentioned I love that book?  Mostly I love Almanzo’s character.

David:  I know.  You tell me. Every night.  You like “Farmer Boy.”  I am aware.

Anyways. Back in my homeschooling days when my own kids were little, I used to let them color while they listened to a read aloud.  They seemed to listen better when coloring.  So I suggested my students try it out and see if they felt they listened better coloring or just listening.

One little gal, who thought she was muted, shouted to her people:”My teacher said WE CAN COLOR WHILE SHE READS US FARMER BOY!”  And it was super exciting.  And now my students double love Farmer Boy and coloring time.  And one girl drew a pink daddy elephant with a pink baby elephant and one boy drew me a picture of Hazel and labeled it:  Hazel the best cow ever.”

Speaking of Hazel-

I now permit her to be in the cow pen when I am home. And I check on her throughout the day by standing on the back deck and calling her name.

And, Reader.

She moos back to me.

My life is now complete.

When I check on the cows, she finds me and follows me all around.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

And have I mentioned that I love her?

David:  It’s like she thinks you are her mom.

Me:  EXACTLY.

Meanwhile, these two are living their best lives:

Here is our new daily game plan for the puppy brothers:

Strap on their wireless fence collars.

Kick them outside.  For all the whole entire day.

Try to remember to put food outside.

They don’t mind drinking out of the cow trough.

Bring them in at night for baths, food, and bed.

They spend their day monitoring cows and the horse, standing on top of hay bales, and finding mysterious body parts. They are happy.

Last night, I was checking on cows, as I am wont to do, and found this calf:

Calf 214.  And this was the second time I saw him like this.  So, I called David.

David: Whose calf is it?

Me:  I need to check my book.

David:  Can you give it a shot?

Me:  Sure.

So, I went into the house and got the shot all prepped and such and checked my book.  And, Reader.

Calf 214 belongs to Mildred.

Mildred, the most terrifying cow.

I told David that if he didn’t hear from me soon, he could presume I had been murdered.

David:  Ok.

So, I am out there stalking this calf with a syringe and needle, and this fiesty little guy kept running away from me.  And after, like, an hour, I was like, ‘Taylor.  He is obviously not dying.” And I gave myself permission to quit.

Let us hope that was the correct decision.

This little boy/girl was born on Tuesday.

And on Tuesday he was all newborn and weak.

But then on Thursday, he discovered he had legs!

And what fun!

Here he is running around with near his Mama, Purple Cow Number 5, and Purple Cow #5’s heifer calf.

Purple Cow #5 is still a bit muddy, but cleaning up nicely from her little mud-venture.

Please notice she still has a halter on.

Ask me how we are going to get it off of her.

Go ahead.

Ask.

And, lastly, we believe this cow is ready to calve.  And every day, I check on her.  And everyday I text David inappropriate photos of her rear end and inform him of any discharge I might be seeing.

Well, today.

Today, she was shaking her booty back and forth.  For like a half hour.  And for why?

And, no, she was not scraching her back end on the bale feeder.  I have video from that angle, too, however, it was brought to my attention by my teacher team that sometimes it is “gross” if I show cow privacy area photos.

Who knew?!

And she has not yet calved.

The boys will end their basketball season tomorrow.  They have made it to the championship game!

Hadley turns 17 next week.

HD turns 14.

I am old.

Happy Friday!

My new plan, that I just came up with yesterday, is to put Hazel out in the main pen with the big cows for a bit everyday.  You may ask, ‘Taylor!?  Why not put her out there all the time?”

Well, I don’t know.  I am probably like a helicopter parent or something.  She thinks she is hot stuff out there, Friends.  She runs and skips and hops and all the cows look at her like, “Who in the heck are YOU?”

She tried nibbling on hay today.

AND . . . I love her.

I also have a new love:  Matilda’s calf.

David:  Matilda’s Calf is a girl.

Me (screaming with delight):  ARE YOU FOR SERIOUS?!

David:  Yup.

Me:  Excellent!  She will live with me forever and ever.

David:  Only if she is a good mother.

Whatever.

Today, she let me pet her.  She is sooooooo soft and precious.

I looked at her privacy areas and I saw nipples!  And I was excited that David was probably right!

But then I remembered weaner pigs and how confusing they are.  All of them have nipples!  Boys and girls!  So, I checked with David, and all is well.  Only girl calves have nipples and I am in love.

This mystery cow calved yesterday.  David isn’t even sure who she is.

Hopefully she is ours?

I kid!  I jest!

Ok, one last look at Hazel before we say farewell.

Ok.

Farewell.

You guys.

I am getting better and better at this cow ranching thing.  On Sunday, I told my teacher friends that Matilda was very close to calving.

And on Monday, she did just that.  And look at this precious baby.

SHE HAS THE SAME FACE!  AS HER MOTHER!  LIKE I WANTED!

I have no idea if this calf is a bull or heifer.  But if it is a heifer, we get to keep her so let us all believe she is just that.

Matilda was our very first cow, so she is special to my heart.

This baby is precious.

Speaking of precious . . .

I put Hazel in the main cow pen today and she thought she was hot stuff.  But she does love me the mostest.

I went to check on Matilda’s calf and found another new calf!  And I wasn’t even watching this mama at all, so surprise, surprise!

I don’t even know really who this cow is?  David just keeps shoving cows into the pen and I cannot keep up.

***

The online only school that I currently work for will not exist next year.  The administration of that school is developing a new project based school and they held interviews for next year.  I decided to interview and I got the job!  It is bittersweet, as I will miss the school I worked at prior to the online school, but I am excited for a new adventure.

Happy Tuesday!

I saw this sign in a store.

It made me laugh.  And I have not stopped laughing.  And I bought it.

Ba-Dah-Dah.  Ba-Dah-Dah.

And, yes.  I do all the laundry in the house and I have been receiving some constructive criticism from other humans regarding this topic, and, like, I get it, but I am not going to give up control of my washing machine.  Because it is mine.  And what else do I have, I ask you?

And in fact, I did at one point tell the children they had to do their own laundry and it ruined my whole life.  Allow me to expand on that thought:

1.  A child put a load in the washer.
2. Said child left my home and stayed the night elsewhere and was returning who-knows-when.
3. I needed to wash some laundry.  So I put the aforementioned child’s laundry in the dryer.  Because it is my washer and I want to use it when I want to use it.
4. I suffered wrath and rage because there was apparently some pricey leggings that should not go in the dryer.  And, Reader.  I put them in the dryer.
5. The literal nerve of me.  I was supposed to just “know” this.  Or maybe I was expected to wait for a couple of days until child sauntered back home? And got around to finishing his/her load of laundry? I cannot be certain.
6. I don’t have time for this drama in my life.  It is easier for me to wash all the clothes.  I wash my hands of it.
7. Interestingly enough, I am still putting lots of things in dryer, but no longer suffering wrath.
8. I know.  None of it makes sense.

Let’s move on.

I snapped this photo of Charlie this morning after our walk to check on cows.  She was exhausted and I enjoyed her pose.

I like her.  A lot.

You know, I think I am turning into an “animal lover” type person.  I mentioned this David and he replied:  “Ya think?”

It is such a happy occasion for me to come home.  And I call out in a ridiculous and loving voice to the dogs and cats and cows, and now Hazel, who bring me such joy.  I haven’t always been this way.  Not sure what changed.

Today I went to town to pick up the boys.  I had no other reason to go to town other than to pick up the boys.  But I managed to go to Costco and spend many dollars.  And then I decided to go to Tractor Supply.

And, oh!  Tractor Supply!

This is a fun store, friends.

I left with a new bucket feeder bottle type dealie for Hazel, more milk replacer, and eight chicks.   Oh, and chick starter.

Was I planning on buying chicks?

No.

Do I have time to raise chicks?

No.

And now my main purpose in life is going to be keeping Charlie and the puppy brothers from eating my new chick friends.

I am also preparing to incubate eggs virtually with my first graders, so I am doing super normal things like meeting my egg dealer in a parking lot for some poop-covered fertilized eggs.

Mom:  Why don’t you just buy eggs from the store?

Me:  They need to be fertilized, Ma.

Mom:  I will never understand how that works.

Me:  I know.

Kate was invited to play in an All-Star basketball game with seniors from all over the area.

So that was excitement overload.  The game was far, far away.  David and I, David’s parents, Hadley, and both the girls’ male suitors joined us.  My parents stayed in town to get the Dudes to their basketball game which was at the exact same time.

Thanks, Ma!  Thanks, Pa!

After the game, we decided to try and find a place to eat.  We were in two cars and I was driving the lead car.

Let the records show:  everyone hates when I drive because I won’t speed.

Let the records show:  I care not.

We stopped at many restaurants only to find out they were closed or their dining room was closed.

Stinkin’ ‘Rona.

Finally, we pull into a McDonald’s.  Only to find out the lobby is closed.  The teens, who were driving in the second car and didn’t exactly know why we kept pulling up to restaurants only to leave, had enough of our nonsense and ran up to our car.

Kate:  What in the chicken nugs is going on?

We shared a laugh and it will now be my new saying.

You will be relieved to hear we finally found a pizza place and ate the best pizza the world has ever known.

De.

Lish.

Us.

Everyday, I check with anticipation and excitement to see if Matilda, or any of my other cow friends, has pushed out a new friend for me to marvel at and enjoy.

Alas.  No one has.

Oh!  Spring came today!  And we weren’t even planning on it!

Just kidding.  This is fake spring.

We will surely get snow again.

Should we discuss my stupid knee?

Sure.  Let’s discuss my stupid knee.

Backstory-7 surgeries.  On one knee.

Current story:  tripped at work and hurt it again.  On February the 3rd.

Had to see a doctor and go to physical therapy and then an MRI was ordered.  And there are probably new tears but they cannot be certain because I have so much going on in that knee and it is hard to see what’s what.

So, I am being referred to an orthopedic surgeon.  And he cannot see me until April 5th.  More than two months after my trip and fall.

And I am so tired of this knee.  And now when I go to physical therapy, all I hear is:

“Dude.  Your knee is messed up.  You just need a knee replacement.”

And I reply:  “Tell me something I don’t know.  But I thought I couldn’t get one until I was 55 years old.

And they counter back:  “You can’t.”

And I don’t know what to do with that information.  So, I am going to go and see the orthopedic surgeon on April 5th and I will calmly ask him:

“What in the chicken nugs is going on with this knee?”

Later, Dudes.

Growing up, I went to the same school from Kindergarten through 12th.  I had the same core group of friends.  And even though we don’t talk nearly as often as we would like, if ever we get the chance to get together, it seems as though no time has passed.

One such friend was Ashlee.  About 15 years ago, Ashlee told me about a little snack she made herself upon occasion.

Ashlee:  Taylor.  Take a spoonful of peanut butter and some chocolate chips.  Put them together in a small bowl and microwave.  You will definitely wish I never told you about that.

I would like to officially announce that I wish Ashlee had never told me about that.

Also:  100 meaningless points to whoever can guess what I am snacking on right now.

***

Purple Cow #5 lives!  And her baby lives!  And we needed a win, us Maliblahblahs, I tell ya.  A reader asked how we filled in the big hole that the cow had sunk into.

David put a large round bale of hay on the hole.  And I would like to officially announce that I had my doubts and did not feel like he knew what he was doing.

At all.

But, alas.  He did.  And the cows ate the hay and trampled the hay and now the hole area looks like this:

With Charlie grazing on it.  Of course.

And let us take a moment to admire Babs.  Babs is the world’s nicest cow.  And this is her daughter, calf 203, born in November 2020.  Perhaps I should name calf 203?

Yet, if I named her, she would probably die.

Calf 203 will not permit me to pet her.  She thinks I am a serial killer or something.

Babs is the only cow who will let you pet her.  And please understand that if you are feeling blue, petting a cow will turn your frown upside down.

But petting a calf-that will knock your socks off.

We feel as if Matilda will calve soon.

And I am hoping in my heart of hearts that the calf will have a marbled black and white face like her mama.

Happy Wednesday.

We went to the river property this weekend to stake out corners for a structure we are hoping can go up this year.

And apparently there was more snow there than we had anticipated.  We were ill-prepared, vehicle wise.  Luckily, Hadley’s new suitor was with us and he drives a truck with a winch (not wench) and he was able to pull one of us out.  So he is fitting into the family quite nicely.

And shall we admire the beauty of the river property and long for summer days?

Yes.  Let’s.

***

The boys are still undefeated this year in their junior high basketball season.  We had to fork over many dollars for these nice jackets.  I was the world’s most annoying mom for forcing them to pose for a photo.

I cared not.

Also:  Please imagine the coats say “Maliblahblah.”

***

I had cow drama today.  And are we surprised?  No.  No, we are not.  Can you imagine what it must be like to work with me?  I ask?

“Yeah, hi!  I have a stuck cow.  Gonna be late.”

I am tons of fun.

This morning before work, I heard a calf mooing constantly.  I decided to go and check things out and discovered this:

Purple Cow #5 stuck in the mud.  And her heifer calf was mooing for her.

And why does this stuff happen when David is not here?  He is never home for cow emergencies and he is the only one fit to deal with them.

At this time, Kate and I were the only ones home.  Kate was asleep, seeing as how it was about 6:45am, and I had to wake her up to tell her the fun plan for the morning.

And then I called Hadley and the boys had them turn around from town to come back and help me.

We worked on freeing this cow for about two hours.  We were all covered in poop.  Like a lot of poop.  Some mud, mostly poop.

We were not extremely successful.

We tried everything we could think of.  Hadley even tried some motivational speaking.

“Come on, Cow!  Get your head in the game!”

We had gotten some hay around her to keep her warm and try to sop up some of the mud (please remember, we have no idea what we are doing), and other cow friends came to snack on the hay around their friend in peril.

Things were not looking good, Reader.

So, I called David and asked if he could come home.  And he agreed.  And at this point, we didn’t know if the cow would live because we weren’t even sure how long she was down for.  David got the Bobcat (and it WAS running!) and put the spikey spear thingies underneath her.

Yes.  We were all afraid he was going to stab her, but what choice did we have?

Obviously Purple Cow #5 was very worried about her fate.  As she cannot even stop eating during her rescue.

We were all a muddy mess.

Kate lost a boot.

Just think of those toesies squishing in the poo.

We all looked like this:

And we all needed second showers.

But we saved the cow!  And we took second showers!  And we went back to our days!

On my lunch break, I decided to go and see how my friend Purple Cow #5 was doing.

I found her like this

Caked in mud.  Her baby nowhere to be found.

I was worried that her baby had not been fed.

And then I saw her baby’s face.

And I was able to infer that she was, in fact, able to nurse off of her muddy mother.

***

Hazel loves me.  And I love her.

And I think she only loves me for the bottles. But I am ok with that.  She sucks those things down in no time.

She is all that is precious and cute in this world.