The Lumberjack's Wife

I might be the happiest person in the United States of America right now.

I have my very own bottle calf!  And she is still alive!  And I love her and she loves me and even though we are in the middle of a snowstorm, it is like sunshine and blue skies over here for me.

Here are my favorite things about Hazel.  In no particular order.

1.  She is not dead.
2. She does not look almost dead.
3. She wants me to pet her.
4. She no longer needs me to put the bottle in her mouth.  She takes it on her own.
5. She likes to wipe her milky mouth on my pants and then lick my pants.
6. She lets Charlie, our dog, lick up her milk dribbles, as she is a messy eater.
7. And, lastly, and I cannot stress this enough, she has not died.

The last three calves I tried to save with a bottle over the past 2 1/2 years have died.  Like so bad dead.  But not my Hazel.

She lives!

The puppy brothers went out with me this morning to feed her at O Dark Thirty.

I was noticing she had a bunch of dried poo-poo on her backside.

Mama cows lick their baby’s butts clean, in nature and all.  Hazel does not have a mama cow.  I am now Hazel’s mom.  Instead of licking her butt clean, I picked her up and put her in the bath tub.

And I gave it my all.

Stand down, Reader!  You wouldn’t want to try and give a calf a sponge bath in the middle of a snowstorm either!

Have I officially lost my mind?

Maybe. Yet, I am so happy.

Please Advise.

Guess who found frozen horse poop and kindly plopped it onto the doorstep?

The cold snap over here continues.

Yesterday (Saturday), the boys and I were keeping an eye on all cow/calf pairs and noticed that small, untagged heifer was not being a good mother.

Her baby (born Thursday), was always alone and shaking.  The other mama cows with babies were doing a good job, but this mama was just not doing her job. Since the calf was so little and so young, we were concerned.

We went to check things out.

You can hear HD:  Look!  No cows care.  I think its a heifer.”

We called David, who was not at home, and he said we needed to get her, warm her up, feed her, and medicate her.

Me:  Where should I put her?

David: The chicken coop.

Ah-ha! We have a zero percent survival rate of calves living in our laundry room.  But the chicken coop?  This could be something, Reader.

So, the calf is near the main gate.  Her mother has no idea where she is, nor does her mother care.  The boys and I devise a plan.

One boy is gate-operator.

One boy is calf-carrier.

I am to hold a large stick and shoo any big cows away from us, if the need arises.

Calf-carrier boy heads out there and picks up the calf.  The calf throws a giant fit and moos her head off.  All nursing cows completely lose their minds and start mooing and coming towards us.

Me to Calf-Carrier Boy:  We gotta hurry!

But instead of hurrying with the calf, he dropped the calf and ran out of there.

*sigh*

Now all the old gals are perturbed and mooing and angry and taking everyone into the back of the property to show us just how much we have bothered them.

So the boys and I move on to other chores.

Around lunch time, I decided to go and check things out again.  All cows are with their babies, except that stinking untagged small heifer calf.  She is happily eating away at a bale feeder.  I finally find the calf.  She is shaking and alone, far away from everyone.

So I walk back to the house and get the boys and we devise plan B.

Plan B involved HD and I on a four wheeler and LD with a stick to offer protection.  This time, we will have to move the calf much further to get her out of the cow pen.

I pick up the calf and lay her across the back of the four wheeler and hang on to her while HD drives us back.  The calf starts throwing a fit, once again, causing all cows to lose their minds.  So I took my hand and closed her mouth shut so she could not moo.

I am like a kidnapper, guys.  Like a total predator.

HD is maneuvering us through all the cows and LD is off doing who knows what with the stick of protection.  All I know is he was not protecting us.

And we got her into the chicken coop.  The chickens have moved out of the coop, there are, however, two roosters chilling out in there.  HD spread a bunch of hay down, LD set up a heat lamp, and I was in charge of food and shots.

I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah, filled a syringe with the necessary mixture and injected it into the rump of a two day old calf.  This was because the calf was very weak and the inside of her mouth was cold.  So, we are trying to prevent infection of any kind.  I also stopped by a feed store and grabbed some colostrum to help boost her a bit.

Her mama, Small Untagged Heifer, has yet to notice we have taken her.

Today, I have successfully fed her two bottles without help from anyone else.  I am hoping David will let me keep her.  The dogs are fascinated with her.

She is a bit of a sloppy eater and when she is finished she has a bunch of milk dripping from her mouth.

Charlie helps her out with that.

She is very sweet.

I named her Hazel.

This year, we started “tagging” our calves.  We can only tag the calves because we can overpower them for a small window of time.

We cannot tag the large cows.

This is because our cows are not tame.  Nor are they docile.  And we need a squeeze chute.  And fun fact:  David purchased two squeeze chutes like three years ago and they are just sitting somewhere on the property until he can find the time to incorporate them into the corral.  But that is neither here nor there.

The point is:  all our little calves have been tagged.

I tripped and fell at work a week and a half ago and my knee is giving me grief.  I have been working from home a bit more so I could prop and ice the old girl.  As I was teaching, I swore I saw a calf out there with no tag.  So, on my lunch break, I went to investigate.

And Purple Cow #5 had a cute little bull calf with her.

I noticed I could not see Mildred.  Mildred is a cow on our property.  She came to us the year I was actually thoughtfully naming cows.  Purple Cow number five came the year I was naming for ease and simplicity.

If you must know:  she has one purple tag in her ear with the number 5 written on it.

Hence:  Purple Cow #5.

You may say:  “Taylor!  Why do you deceive us so?  You told us you could not tag the big cows?!”

Reader.  We cannot.  David buys cows at auctions sometimes.  And they come pre-tagged.

Back to Mildred.

I walked a bit farther back and saw the had just given birth.  The calf was very tiny and weak and just a newborn.  Also, Mildred turns into a psycho hose beast when she becomes a mother and she would very much like to murder me for even becoming aware that she had a calf.

If I walked near Mildred last week, she would look at me, unimpressed, and keep eating.

If I walk within 100 feet of Mildred right now, she wants my blood.

As luck would have it, our temperatures dropped quite a bit this week.

It’s like a high of 12 over here.

Purple Cow Number Five is doing a swell job with her baby.  That thing is always with her.  Mildred likes to ditch her baby and go eat.  David and I were quite worried because her baby was all alone and the temps were going to drop so low that night.

Poor baby!  It was a calf-sicle.  Also look at the dry ground where Mildred had once laid.

Such girth.  Makes me feel better about my swimsuit body.

David:  Should we bring the calf inside?

Me:  David.  We have brought two calves into our laundry room to save them and both of them have died.  We have a 0% Laundry Room Calf Survival rate.

We left them alone.

The next day, I checked and was so hopeful that the babies had made it.

Purple Cow Number 5 is winning all the parenting awards over here.  She keeps her little guy with her and makes sure he is hanging out in the very hay she is consuming.

Mildred did NOT abandon her baby in the night and he is doing quite well.

Now is that not precious?  He is like hopping and dancing.  Also, he has poop frozen to his butt.

It is THAT cold.

Oh, and surprise!  Another cow calved on the coldest night of the year!

This time it was “Small Untagged Heifer.”

Her baby is super tiny and she was not anywhere near him.  He was mooing and fussing.  Mildred and her little dude went to go hang out with him, but his mother was not coming.  So I went and got behind her and led her over to him.  Because the dude is like super tiny and it is super cold and Small Untagged Heifer (who might be Mildred’s heifer calf from two seasons ago) needs to get this Mama business figured out.

So all is well.  Everyone is alive.  We have three new babies.

It is cold.  My knee hurts.

The End.

Kate’s dog, Niko, is the tiniest dog on the planet.  I don’t think he has grown since we got him?  Not sure if that is ok?  Hoping all is well?

Anyways.  He is stinking cute and when he yawns, the yawn will overtake his whole body and his yawn is bigger than his actual self.  I caught one on video, although it was, admittedly, a small yawn compared to his normal gigantor yawns.  But since I am all about video footage now, what with my fancy new WIFI and all, I felt the need to, once again, upload a video.

You are welcome.

***

The girls played their final game last night of the season.  They won, of course.

Kate is on the left and Hadley is on the right.

The coach did something really special for the seniors.  He started all five of them for the fourth quarter and had them play together most of the quarter.  Then he had other girls sub them out one at a time, so each senior could get a round of applause from friends and family.

We were sitting pretty close to their bench and I heard the coach turn to Hadley and say:

“Ok.  You go in for your sister.”

And I got in on video.  And Kate cried.  And it was very sweet.

Hadley is #23 and Kate is #30

If you listen carefully, you can hear Auggie say something about Kate crying and wanting to go hug her.  Lily, who was with us watching the game, shuts that down real quick.

Ha!  These teens.

Today, we have a multitude of teens over at our house and much food is being consumed.  But some of the teens have brought food as tribute, which is kind and helpful.  Hadley’s new boyfriend, who is definitely going fishing on Valentine’s Day, told us he would bring some elk steaks.

I was in a text-versation with several family members, and Jason-

Remember Jason?

Jason, who is my comedic hero, says:

Breaking up with him tonight at least would be a missed steak.  Get it?  Missed steak/mistake?

This is why we love Jason.

***

Today, out of nowhere, David decided to put an outlet in a place where I have longed for an outlet for a good decade.

Yes!  Did you know David was an electrician?

It is true.

And now we can watch TV in the living room.  And Kate’s boyfriend found one of my favorite movies for me.  And I was happily watching it on the couch singing/annoying my teens.

Reader.  Name THAT movie.

Anyways, I didn’t even know David was going to install an outlet and he comes in the house WEARING A TOOL BELT.

A

Tool.

Belt.

Me:  David!  Is this how you look everyday?  Like when you are all about the town?

David:  Pretty much.

Me:  Hadley!  Doesn’t he look handsome?

Hadley:  Do not involve me in this conversation.

Me:  David!  No wonder all them old ladies keep calling you up for side work.

“David!  Can you hang a light for me?  Oh, here’s an apple pie!”

“Yoo-hoo, David!  I need an outlet over here.  Can you come look?  Oh, and here are some freshly baked cookies!”

He even once got a handwritten card from one of the lovely ladies.

And she signed it

“Ever Yours, Hazel.”

I get it, Hazel.  I totally get it.

This is a week of “lasts” over here.

First, HD had his last JV game of the season.  They lost, which was an epic bummer, but the game was extremely exciting.  They were down by over 20 and then started to come back.  HD was definitely a key player in the comeback and scored many points and had several assists.  It was all very exciting.  This is him, my tiny baby boy, maneuvering through big high school boys to score a layup.

And it swells our hearts with pride, yes?

Next up for the week of “lasts”-

Kate’s Senior Night.

It is a tradition for her basketball team to honor the seniors at one of the final home games.  And can we believe Taylor has a senior?

No.  No, we cannot.

But believe it we must, for it is happening.

In the spirit of The Rona and all things 2020/2021, the team they were supposed to be playing forgot to show up.  Because they forgot they had a game.

And so there was no big game for the big senior night.  But really?  Are we surprised?  The Rona can mess with us all in mysterious ways.

We were all geared up for the big game, what with flowers and balloons.  And even a very nice sign.

The coach did something super fun and special-he had the seniors suit up in white and all other players in blue and the seniors played the non seniors.  Which was excellent for us, because we had a player on each side!  Kate with the seniors and Hadley with the non seniors.  So every time someone scored, we could cheer.  We could be winners either way!  Or losers either way!

Here is a shot of Hadley shooting free throws and Kate right behind her.

It has been fun seeing them on the court together this year.

***

I am frustrated with my teens.  For the purposes of this post, I will lump all four of my kids as “teens” and not identify any specific teen for you.  And even though LD is 12 1/2, and not officially a “teen”, we shall call him a “teen” because he is taller than everyone anyways and brings us just as much angst.

First off, these teen people feel they should only do a chore if they are specifically told to.  In writing.  No one can think to do a chore on their own.

It must be assigned.  And with each assignment, there must be a discussion of fairness and possible over-work-ed-ness.  And comparisons for which poor child had to wash dishes last time and no fair and why should this poor child be assigned this dreadful chore. Bleeding hearts of the world, unite.

Wednesday.

On Wednesday, I had a 7am meeting, so I had to leave by 6am.  I got teens up.  I packed teen lunches.  I made LD breakfast because if he is not given breakfast, he stares at the pantry for five minutes and then decides it is too much work to eat.  And that just bugs me, man.

We still do not have a dishwasher, so we are on a handwashing regime over here.  I did dishes earlier that morning, but there were a few left from breakfast and whatnot, so I left them soaking in the sink, certain that a teen would wash them.

And then I went to work.

At work, I was molding and shaping young minds, which is always fun, and we were working on adding three numbers.  This can be mind blowing for first graders.  One might be surprised.  They like to just add two numbers and forget all about the third number.  It is a wonder.

So, I had them rolling one dice three times to come up with three numbers to add and they were showing me their work through the Zoom world and I noticed some of my higher kids looked like they were about to drop dead from boredom.  Because they totally know how to add 4+3+2.  So I had an idea!  And I needed another dice!

So I asked my kids to hang on a second, and I put down my headset and quickly hustled over to get a second dice.  And then I forgot about the extension cord I had to step over and I totally fell.  Like smack on the ground.  On my left side.  Where my left knee is located.

Yes.  The knee that gives me fits and tantrums.  The knee that makes me feel like I am 83 years old.  The knee that has had seven surgeries.

Reader.  The same knee.

My team teachers are trying to continue to teach live while wondering what on earth has happened to me.  I get up and get back to my seat and continue to teach.  And I am happy to report that the high kids were satisfied and were adding two dice together for each number and feeling much more challenged.  So it was probably worth it.  They will probably go on to win a Nobel prize or something because I had that idea.

And as I was sitting there, my knee started to throb and burn and swell a bit and it was unfortunate.  So I left work to head home to ice and rest.

A teen was home.  This teen was kind and tried to set up the ice machine for me and then told me to text if I needed anything and went downstairs.

The ice machine was not working and no relief of cold ice was comforting my knee.  So I texted this teen.

Thrice.

And called.

And teen did not appear for an hour and a half.

So, I had to hobble to the kitchen to get ice gel packs and noticed that there was water on the floor by the sink.  And then I noticed that the same dishes I left soaking at 6am were still in the sink.

But, Reader.  Our sink has a crack in it.  You may ask:  Taylor?!  Why does your sink have a crack in it?

I know not, but I blame the children.

So, because I had failed to specifically name ONE teen to wash the 3 bowls and 4 mugs, they sat there and the soapy water seeped through the crack all day and was now under the cabinet and on the floor in a soggy mess.

Now, more teens are home and I designate one teen to please wash the dishes and no fair and this teen has not eaten anything lately so why on earth should this teen wash a dish?  And life is so unfair and why should anyone have to clean up after the puppy because how do we know which puppy made that mess and blah blah blah.  Be jealous of my life.

Then David comes home.  He brings me food and gets working on the ice machine, but I didn’t even ask for help with the ice machine and he was so nice and worked on it for like an hour and at one point he was like siphoning out liquid from a tube and spitting it into a mug and I am not sure why he had to do that, but if that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.  And I was asleep by 730 with ice on my burning knee.

The next day, I asked for help from the teens and I got a lot of pushback and attitude.  I went to the doctor to check on my knee and then went home to ice/prop/teach.  And I worked on all the laundry all day and dumped it on the bed for the teens to fold and put away when they got home.  And so when everyone got home, I sat in my bed, all propped up like a princess, while teens folded and vacuumed and swept and I was living my best life.  Minus the burning knee.

***

When I eat an apple, which I often do, I like to go out to the back deck and chuck the apple core into the cow pen.  Because cows and horses enjoy apples, didn’t you know?

The other day, I ate an apple and David was in the path of the deck so I asked him to please take the apple core and chuck it to my bovine friends.  And he looked at me like I was crazy and walked the apple core all the way over to the compost bucket instead.

Me:  No, David!

David:  Why?

Reader. I always give the cows my apple cores!  Even if I eat an apple in my lunch at work, I save the core to give to my friends when I get home. And what else do they have to look forward to in life?  All they do is walk and eat and poop.  That’s it.

So, I like to imagine one of my cow friends is out in the field searching for spare patch of grass that everyone else has missed.  And she is smelling and sniffing and she is like:

“Poop.  Poop.  Poop.  APPLE CORE!”

And I like to think it adds a bit of joy to their lives.

Happy Friday!

Have you ever wondered to yourself:

“Gosh.  I wish I knew what it was like to raise multiple teens at one time in the same household?”

Allow me to help you visualize what that life might be like.

It’s like a complex game of Whac-A-Mole.  And just when you think you have taken care of one issue with one teen, another teen/issue pops out and you have to find the energy to whack it.

But there are not only four moles in this game, Reader.  Nay.  Each mole has side moles.  And the side moles bring their friends.

So, if you think you have solved the grades issue with one teen, a side issue, such as disrespect OR poor attitude OR dishonesty OR BOYFRIENDS OR driving OR car accidents OR internet issues OR general hygiene OR car breakdowns OR someone standing on the lid to  mom’s favorite washing machine for reasons no one understands and completely breaking it and letting mom find out it is not covered under warranty

OR job stress OR college decisions OR friend drama OR BRUSHING YOUR TEETH REGULARLY OR unclogging  a toilet when you have clogged it OR turning in missing assignments OR being home when you are told to be home OR cleaning your room vs lying about cleaning your room OR knowing where the title to your car is OR the importance of wearing deoderant OR learning the importance of scheduled oil changes OR cleaning up after a puppy that you wanted instead of trying to blame someone else and make them clean up after the puppy OR USING SOAP IN THE SHOWER OR not calling your mom “Karen” OR not losing your keys will pop out and surprise you.

Just when you least expect it.

It’s super fun.

***

LD was permitted to stay home alone for one more chance after this happened under his watchful eye:

So, I am like an hour away from him and my neighbor calls me at work.

“Yes, hello.  The Fed Ex Man said there is a black horse standing in the middle of the road.  Could it be yours?”

Me:  *sigh*  Maybe.  Let me try to get a hold of LD.

LD is not answering my texts.

Neighbor calls back.

“Yeah, Taylor.  You’ve got bigger problems.  Your cows are out, too.”

Me:  All of them?

“Well, how many do you have?  There are a lot out here.”

So, I have to drive home and the nice neighbor helps the child round up the cattle and

“I am sorry, Mom, I forgot to close the gate and will I ever get to stay home alone again?”

That’s a hard no for a long while, Son.

And also, because he refuses to wear pants whilst doing farm chores, he had gotten himself cut up in barbed wire and was bleeding and used three different kitchen towels to tend to himself and left them on the counter for me to clean for him.

***

I used to think Charlie the puppy was kind of dumb.  But now, I think she is a genius.

David and I played let’s make a deal and my end of the bargain was that I got to have Charlie snuggle on the bed with me when I gave her permission.

I forgot to clarify in my end of the deal that David could not sabotage my happy snuggles time.  So, when ever Charlie hops up, he stares her down and growls.

So, if David is on the premises, the dog is very well behaved and won’t even think of getting on the bed.

As soon as he toodles on down the road to go to town-

***

HD is wrapping up his season on the JV team.  He is in 8th grade, but was able to play up on JV.  Now, he and LD are starting Junior High season.  This past weekend, HD and the JV team played in five games and took first place in their league tournament.

***

HD had a friend over.  Friend has played basketball with him now for a few years.  Friend is super respectful and cute.  And I do believe he was trying to recruit me into the family plumbing business.

Friend:  It’s good work.  Good, honest work.  My brother has a house, a car, and a boat.  You can do real well being a plumber.  Just goes to show you.  You can make a nice living.

Well, dang.  I don’t have a boat.

***

I don’t want a boat.

If we had a boat, it would just get added to David’s weekend rotation of broken down things that he needs to repair.

***

We are getting ready to butcher Awful Steer.  We all vehemently dislike Awful Steer.  In fact, Lily might come back just for that event.

I decided to embarass Hadley and invite her new BOYFRIEND to steer butchering day.

BOYFRIEND:  Yeah, I think I can do that.  Wait!  Is that Valentine’s Day?

Me:  Valentine’s Day is the next weekend.

BOYFRIEND:  Oh, good.  Because I am going fishing on Valentine’s Day.

And just like that, all of Hadley’s hopes for her first Valentine’s Day with a suitor were smashed.

***

I came across this photo quite by accident.  I took the photo and it was right after we moved here.  We hadn’t really seen all the land yet, so David loaded me and the girls in the four wheeler trailer and had the boys with him on the four wheeler and we went and explored.

LD is in the front with David and he was 2.  HD was behind David and he was 3.  Hadley is in the left side of the picture-age six and Kate was seven.

Happy Sunday!

The kids were late to school the other day.  Would you like me to tell you why?

Let me tell you why.

Even though I had informed LD that he was starting basketball season three days prior and he should get his basketball shoes and bag ready, he did not listen.

And then he told me his shoes were too small, and I was like, oh well, just wear your everyday shoes.

Which look exactly like basketball shoes.

So.  We are trying to run out the door and LD has shut himself up in the bathroom.

Finally, HD and I open the door to see what on earth he was doing.

Reader.

He was using one of my butter knives to clean dried mud/poo out of the too-small-basketball shoes and sprinkling mud/poo mixture all over the sink.

Me:  WHY?  Why if they are too small?  Why now?  Why in the bathroom?  Why with a knife?

I just can’t.

So, I drop the kids off.  Late.  And they tell me I must email the school secretary.  And I am like, why?  I am not getting you out of this nonsense.

So, I emailed her and I said, and I quote:

“The Maliblahblah kids are late today due to poor time management.”

I am having lunch stress.  I have always had lunch stress, but I do not know what to feed these people for their school days and I have just about had it.  The boys and their pickiness is off the charts.

They like turkey subs.  But only from Subway.  If I replicate the same exact sandwich from Subway and lovingly place it in their lunch bag,  they won’t even taste it.

Won’t.

Even.

Taste.

It.

Today, out of desperation and lack of a well-stocked pantry, I sent LD with just some rolled turkey slices, sure they would end up in the garbage can.

But he ate them!  Oh, this excited me, Reader.  So, I tried my luck and began to try and talk to him about more things he might like.

Me:  Oh!  What about the Costco Meatballs that you love?  I can bake them ahead of time and you can microwave them at school?

LD:  How long would I have to microwave them for?

Me:  30 seconds?

LD:  Nah.  Too long

I just don’t know what to do, people.

David:  Let them go hungry.  They will learn.

I just can’t.  It is a trial for me.  My burden to bear.

***

Today, I was able to see my students as we had a material pick up day.  This is the third time I have gotten to see these precious kids in person.

With masks and no hugging, of course.  Because ‘Rona.

Oh, I just love them.  They are so cute and tiny.  One of my kiddos’ had his last day today as he is transferring to in person learning next week.  This is my kiddo who is always serious as a heart attack. And he always says, “Yes, Ma’am.”

Me:  Oh!  I am going to miss you so much!

Kiddo:  I am going to miss you, too.

Me:  Have mom send me a picture of your first day!

Kiddo:  Mrs. M?  Every night, I am going to close my eyes and think about you.

*ok*

Be.

Still.

My.

Heart.

I had his brother last year, and he was standing right there as well.

Brother:  Mrs. M.  I remember when you were my first grade teacher.

Me:  Yup!  Good times!

Brother:  You were the best first grade teacher I ever had.

Me:  I think I was your only first grade teacher.

Brother (stars in his eyes):  Yeah.

Then, out of nowhere, I hear a girl screaming my name and jumping up and down.

Imagine if a tween was at a One Direction concert.  It was like that.

Girl:  Mrs. Maliblahblah!  I see her!  I see Mrs. Maliblahblah!

Well, now I feel awful because I have no idea who this child is and I am pretty sure she is not my student.

She wasn’t my student.  But our first grade team does several asynchronous video lessons, so all first graders see all first grade teachers and this child was literally acting like she was seeing celebrities.  It may have puffed us up with pride in ourselves.  And I can understand why.  And you would understand why, as well, if you saw the quality of our video lessons.  We are amazing.

***

The other day, David and I were piddling around in the kitchen and he looked like he was looking for something.

Me:  I just put a load of whites on our bed, so you can find a clean dishrag there.

This morning, he was trying to get out the door for work and only found one shoe.

Me:  Open the kennel.  The puppy brothers probably took the shoe in with them.

They did.

David:  We have been married for a LONG time.

Me:  Yup.

Because I just know what he needs, man.

***

New Family sent a new picture of Abbie.  New Family’s back story is that they held off on getting a dog for so long because one of their children was extremely terrified of dogs.  When they first got Abbie, he was very cautious and would only wear gloves when touching her.

Here is a recent picture of him and Abbie:

Also, here is a gift we received from Ma and Pa and Sisters Meagan and Jess:

***

Student, via a video, who is supposed to be submitting his math assignment:

Student:  Hi!  I cannot find my math page, but I wanted Mrs. M to know I get to throw ninja stars after school.  BYE!

***

We have two daughters now with boyfriends.

David looks like he has aged ten years.

Happy Thursday!

The other night HD walked in.

HD:  Mom.  I AM STARVING.  When is dinner?

Me:  About a half hour.

HD:   Gosh!  Geez!  I am too hungry.  I need to eat now.

Me:  You can wait a half hour.

HD:  Mom.  You need to do a better job of feeding me.  Have you seen me without my shirt on?  You can see all my bones.

***

I foolishly decided to look in LD’s backpack.  And in it, I found the remains of many lunches I had lovingly packed for him.

Dude is incredibly lazy.

If I hand him a banana, he will look at it and walk away.  If I hand him a peeled banana, he will eat it and love it.

Same with cutie oranges.

So in every lunch bag was an unpeeled cutie.  Yet moments later, he ate a cutie because I had peeled it.

Me:  Dude.  What is the deal?  If I give you a Lunchables pizza, you seem to be able to assemble it.

LD:  I can assemble food.  I cannot deassemble food.

***

I am currently babysitting teens.  You may ask, Taylor!?  Why must teens be babysat?

Well, Reader.  There is not one, but TWO gentlemen callers here at this moment.  One gentleman for each of my dashing daughters.  So I must keep a watchful eye.  To ward off any Tom Foolery.

Right before the gentelmen callers arrived, I was blasting music and singing.  And I was told immediately by Hadley that my singing nonsense had to stop post haste.

A bit ago, David and the boys came in for lunch.  LD was limping.

Me:  What is wrong?

LD:  Everything.  And it is HD’s fault.

And then he got distracted with food and kittens and we all got together for online church.  We often watch church online lately, as it works out well for us these days.

The puppies surely enjoy it.

After church, David and the boys were about to head outside.

David to me:  Welp.  Gotta head back out.  HD burned my propane torch and LD totally flipped the four wheeler.  Like ran it up the fence and it flipped over. We’ve got problems.

ME:  !

Me to LD:  Dude!  Is this why you were limping?

Reader.  I do not know if I will survive being David’s wife and raising these boys.

***

The girls and HD went on a travel trip for basketball.  I was able to watch the games via the live stream.  Kate was unable to play due to a mild concussion she had received a few days prior, but Hadley was playing.

I couldn’t see who it was, but someone from their school’s fans kept shouting out things like:

“Go, Hadley!”

“You got this, Hadley!”

“Nice Job, Hadley!”

And I could hear it over the interwebs.  It was kind of this mystery person.  Makes my heart smile.

The three kids who are going to the private school are doing well with their switch.  I think they are much happier socially, although I am not much happier financially.  YIKES.  The environment is a good fit for them, though, and I am thankful we can do it.