The Lumberjack's Wife

Kate’s dog, Niko, is the tiniest dog on the planet.  I don’t think he has grown since we got him?  Not sure if that is ok?  Hoping all is well?

Anyways.  He is stinking cute and when he yawns, the yawn will overtake his whole body and his yawn is bigger than his actual self.  I caught one on video, although it was, admittedly, a small yawn compared to his normal gigantor yawns.  But since I am all about video footage now, what with my fancy new WIFI and all, I felt the need to, once again, upload a video.

You are welcome.

***

The girls played their final game last night of the season.  They won, of course.

Kate is on the left and Hadley is on the right.

The coach did something really special for the seniors.  He started all five of them for the fourth quarter and had them play together most of the quarter.  Then he had other girls sub them out one at a time, so each senior could get a round of applause from friends and family.

We were sitting pretty close to their bench and I heard the coach turn to Hadley and say:

“Ok.  You go in for your sister.”

And I got in on video.  And Kate cried.  And it was very sweet.

Hadley is #23 and Kate is #30

If you listen carefully, you can hear Auggie say something about Kate crying and wanting to go hug her.  Lily, who was with us watching the game, shuts that down real quick.

Ha!  These teens.

Today, we have a multitude of teens over at our house and much food is being consumed.  But some of the teens have brought food as tribute, which is kind and helpful.  Hadley’s new boyfriend, who is definitely going fishing on Valentine’s Day, told us he would bring some elk steaks.

I was in a text-versation with several family members, and Jason-

Remember Jason?

Jason, who is my comedic hero, says:

Breaking up with him tonight at least would be a missed steak.  Get it?  Missed steak/mistake?

This is why we love Jason.

***

Today, out of nowhere, David decided to put an outlet in a place where I have longed for an outlet for a good decade.

Yes!  Did you know David was an electrician?

It is true.

And now we can watch TV in the living room.  And Kate’s boyfriend found one of my favorite movies for me.  And I was happily watching it on the couch singing/annoying my teens.

Reader.  Name THAT movie.

Anyways, I didn’t even know David was going to install an outlet and he comes in the house WEARING A TOOL BELT.

A

Tool.

Belt.

Me:  David!  Is this how you look everyday?  Like when you are all about the town?

David:  Pretty much.

Me:  Hadley!  Doesn’t he look handsome?

Hadley:  Do not involve me in this conversation.

Me:  David!  No wonder all them old ladies keep calling you up for side work.

“David!  Can you hang a light for me?  Oh, here’s an apple pie!”

“Yoo-hoo, David!  I need an outlet over here.  Can you come look?  Oh, and here are some freshly baked cookies!”

He even once got a handwritten card from one of the lovely ladies.

And she signed it

“Ever Yours, Hazel.”

I get it, Hazel.  I totally get it.

This is a week of “lasts” over here.

First, HD had his last JV game of the season.  They lost, which was an epic bummer, but the game was extremely exciting.  They were down by over 20 and then started to come back.  HD was definitely a key player in the comeback and scored many points and had several assists.  It was all very exciting.  This is him, my tiny baby boy, maneuvering through big high school boys to score a layup.

And it swells our hearts with pride, yes?

Next up for the week of “lasts”-

Kate’s Senior Night.

It is a tradition for her basketball team to honor the seniors at one of the final home games.  And can we believe Taylor has a senior?

No.  No, we cannot.

But believe it we must, for it is happening.

In the spirit of The Rona and all things 2020/2021, the team they were supposed to be playing forgot to show up.  Because they forgot they had a game.

And so there was no big game for the big senior night.  But really?  Are we surprised?  The Rona can mess with us all in mysterious ways.

We were all geared up for the big game, what with flowers and balloons.  And even a very nice sign.

The coach did something super fun and special-he had the seniors suit up in white and all other players in blue and the seniors played the non seniors.  Which was excellent for us, because we had a player on each side!  Kate with the seniors and Hadley with the non seniors.  So every time someone scored, we could cheer.  We could be winners either way!  Or losers either way!

Here is a shot of Hadley shooting free throws and Kate right behind her.

It has been fun seeing them on the court together this year.

***

I am frustrated with my teens.  For the purposes of this post, I will lump all four of my kids as “teens” and not identify any specific teen for you.  And even though LD is 12 1/2, and not officially a “teen”, we shall call him a “teen” because he is taller than everyone anyways and brings us just as much angst.

First off, these teen people feel they should only do a chore if they are specifically told to.  In writing.  No one can think to do a chore on their own.

It must be assigned.  And with each assignment, there must be a discussion of fairness and possible over-work-ed-ness.  And comparisons for which poor child had to wash dishes last time and no fair and why should this poor child be assigned this dreadful chore. Bleeding hearts of the world, unite.

Wednesday.

On Wednesday, I had a 7am meeting, so I had to leave by 6am.  I got teens up.  I packed teen lunches.  I made LD breakfast because if he is not given breakfast, he stares at the pantry for five minutes and then decides it is too much work to eat.  And that just bugs me, man.

We still do not have a dishwasher, so we are on a handwashing regime over here.  I did dishes earlier that morning, but there were a few left from breakfast and whatnot, so I left them soaking in the sink, certain that a teen would wash them.

And then I went to work.

At work, I was molding and shaping young minds, which is always fun, and we were working on adding three numbers.  This can be mind blowing for first graders.  One might be surprised.  They like to just add two numbers and forget all about the third number.  It is a wonder.

So, I had them rolling one dice three times to come up with three numbers to add and they were showing me their work through the Zoom world and I noticed some of my higher kids looked like they were about to drop dead from boredom.  Because they totally know how to add 4+3+2.  So I had an idea!  And I needed another dice!

So I asked my kids to hang on a second, and I put down my headset and quickly hustled over to get a second dice.  And then I forgot about the extension cord I had to step over and I totally fell.  Like smack on the ground.  On my left side.  Where my left knee is located.

Yes.  The knee that gives me fits and tantrums.  The knee that makes me feel like I am 83 years old.  The knee that has had seven surgeries.

Reader.  The same knee.

My team teachers are trying to continue to teach live while wondering what on earth has happened to me.  I get up and get back to my seat and continue to teach.  And I am happy to report that the high kids were satisfied and were adding two dice together for each number and feeling much more challenged.  So it was probably worth it.  They will probably go on to win a Nobel prize or something because I had that idea.

And as I was sitting there, my knee started to throb and burn and swell a bit and it was unfortunate.  So I left work to head home to ice and rest.

A teen was home.  This teen was kind and tried to set up the ice machine for me and then told me to text if I needed anything and went downstairs.

The ice machine was not working and no relief of cold ice was comforting my knee.  So I texted this teen.

Thrice.

And called.

And teen did not appear for an hour and a half.

So, I had to hobble to the kitchen to get ice gel packs and noticed that there was water on the floor by the sink.  And then I noticed that the same dishes I left soaking at 6am were still in the sink.

But, Reader.  Our sink has a crack in it.  You may ask:  Taylor?!  Why does your sink have a crack in it?

I know not, but I blame the children.

So, because I had failed to specifically name ONE teen to wash the 3 bowls and 4 mugs, they sat there and the soapy water seeped through the crack all day and was now under the cabinet and on the floor in a soggy mess.

Now, more teens are home and I designate one teen to please wash the dishes and no fair and this teen has not eaten anything lately so why on earth should this teen wash a dish?  And life is so unfair and why should anyone have to clean up after the puppy because how do we know which puppy made that mess and blah blah blah.  Be jealous of my life.

Then David comes home.  He brings me food and gets working on the ice machine, but I didn’t even ask for help with the ice machine and he was so nice and worked on it for like an hour and at one point he was like siphoning out liquid from a tube and spitting it into a mug and I am not sure why he had to do that, but if that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.  And I was asleep by 730 with ice on my burning knee.

The next day, I asked for help from the teens and I got a lot of pushback and attitude.  I went to the doctor to check on my knee and then went home to ice/prop/teach.  And I worked on all the laundry all day and dumped it on the bed for the teens to fold and put away when they got home.  And so when everyone got home, I sat in my bed, all propped up like a princess, while teens folded and vacuumed and swept and I was living my best life.  Minus the burning knee.

***

When I eat an apple, which I often do, I like to go out to the back deck and chuck the apple core into the cow pen.  Because cows and horses enjoy apples, didn’t you know?

The other day, I ate an apple and David was in the path of the deck so I asked him to please take the apple core and chuck it to my bovine friends.  And he looked at me like I was crazy and walked the apple core all the way over to the compost bucket instead.

Me:  No, David!

David:  Why?

Reader. I always give the cows my apple cores!  Even if I eat an apple in my lunch at work, I save the core to give to my friends when I get home. And what else do they have to look forward to in life?  All they do is walk and eat and poop.  That’s it.

So, I like to imagine one of my cow friends is out in the field searching for spare patch of grass that everyone else has missed.  And she is smelling and sniffing and she is like:

“Poop.  Poop.  Poop.  APPLE CORE!”

And I like to think it adds a bit of joy to their lives.

Happy Friday!

Have you ever wondered to yourself:

“Gosh.  I wish I knew what it was like to raise multiple teens at one time in the same household?”

Allow me to help you visualize what that life might be like.

It’s like a complex game of Whac-A-Mole.  And just when you think you have taken care of one issue with one teen, another teen/issue pops out and you have to find the energy to whack it.

But there are not only four moles in this game, Reader.  Nay.  Each mole has side moles.  And the side moles bring their friends.

So, if you think you have solved the grades issue with one teen, a side issue, such as disrespect OR poor attitude OR dishonesty OR BOYFRIENDS OR driving OR car accidents OR internet issues OR general hygiene OR car breakdowns OR someone standing on the lid to  mom’s favorite washing machine for reasons no one understands and completely breaking it and letting mom find out it is not covered under warranty

OR job stress OR college decisions OR friend drama OR BRUSHING YOUR TEETH REGULARLY OR unclogging  a toilet when you have clogged it OR turning in missing assignments OR being home when you are told to be home OR cleaning your room vs lying about cleaning your room OR knowing where the title to your car is OR the importance of wearing deoderant OR learning the importance of scheduled oil changes OR cleaning up after a puppy that you wanted instead of trying to blame someone else and make them clean up after the puppy OR USING SOAP IN THE SHOWER OR not calling your mom “Karen” OR not losing your keys will pop out and surprise you.

Just when you least expect it.

It’s super fun.

***

LD was permitted to stay home alone for one more chance after this happened under his watchful eye:

So, I am like an hour away from him and my neighbor calls me at work.

“Yes, hello.  The Fed Ex Man said there is a black horse standing in the middle of the road.  Could it be yours?”

Me:  *sigh*  Maybe.  Let me try to get a hold of LD.

LD is not answering my texts.

Neighbor calls back.

“Yeah, Taylor.  You’ve got bigger problems.  Your cows are out, too.”

Me:  All of them?

“Well, how many do you have?  There are a lot out here.”

So, I have to drive home and the nice neighbor helps the child round up the cattle and

“I am sorry, Mom, I forgot to close the gate and will I ever get to stay home alone again?”

That’s a hard no for a long while, Son.

And also, because he refuses to wear pants whilst doing farm chores, he had gotten himself cut up in barbed wire and was bleeding and used three different kitchen towels to tend to himself and left them on the counter for me to clean for him.

***

I used to think Charlie the puppy was kind of dumb.  But now, I think she is a genius.

David and I played let’s make a deal and my end of the bargain was that I got to have Charlie snuggle on the bed with me when I gave her permission.

I forgot to clarify in my end of the deal that David could not sabotage my happy snuggles time.  So, when ever Charlie hops up, he stares her down and growls.

So, if David is on the premises, the dog is very well behaved and won’t even think of getting on the bed.

As soon as he toodles on down the road to go to town-

***

HD is wrapping up his season on the JV team.  He is in 8th grade, but was able to play up on JV.  Now, he and LD are starting Junior High season.  This past weekend, HD and the JV team played in five games and took first place in their league tournament.

***

HD had a friend over.  Friend has played basketball with him now for a few years.  Friend is super respectful and cute.  And I do believe he was trying to recruit me into the family plumbing business.

Friend:  It’s good work.  Good, honest work.  My brother has a house, a car, and a boat.  You can do real well being a plumber.  Just goes to show you.  You can make a nice living.

Well, dang.  I don’t have a boat.

***

I don’t want a boat.

If we had a boat, it would just get added to David’s weekend rotation of broken down things that he needs to repair.

***

We are getting ready to butcher Awful Steer.  We all vehemently dislike Awful Steer.  In fact, Lily might come back just for that event.

I decided to embarass Hadley and invite her new BOYFRIEND to steer butchering day.

BOYFRIEND:  Yeah, I think I can do that.  Wait!  Is that Valentine’s Day?

Me:  Valentine’s Day is the next weekend.

BOYFRIEND:  Oh, good.  Because I am going fishing on Valentine’s Day.

And just like that, all of Hadley’s hopes for her first Valentine’s Day with a suitor were smashed.

***

I came across this photo quite by accident.  I took the photo and it was right after we moved here.  We hadn’t really seen all the land yet, so David loaded me and the girls in the four wheeler trailer and had the boys with him on the four wheeler and we went and explored.

LD is in the front with David and he was 2.  HD was behind David and he was 3.  Hadley is in the left side of the picture-age six and Kate was seven.

Happy Sunday!

The kids were late to school the other day.  Would you like me to tell you why?

Let me tell you why.

Even though I had informed LD that he was starting basketball season three days prior and he should get his basketball shoes and bag ready, he did not listen.

And then he told me his shoes were too small, and I was like, oh well, just wear your everyday shoes.

Which look exactly like basketball shoes.

So.  We are trying to run out the door and LD has shut himself up in the bathroom.

Finally, HD and I open the door to see what on earth he was doing.

Reader.

He was using one of my butter knives to clean dried mud/poo out of the too-small-basketball shoes and sprinkling mud/poo mixture all over the sink.

Me:  WHY?  Why if they are too small?  Why now?  Why in the bathroom?  Why with a knife?

I just can’t.

So, I drop the kids off.  Late.  And they tell me I must email the school secretary.  And I am like, why?  I am not getting you out of this nonsense.

So, I emailed her and I said, and I quote:

“The Maliblahblah kids are late today due to poor time management.”

I am having lunch stress.  I have always had lunch stress, but I do not know what to feed these people for their school days and I have just about had it.  The boys and their pickiness is off the charts.

They like turkey subs.  But only from Subway.  If I replicate the same exact sandwich from Subway and lovingly place it in their lunch bag,  they won’t even taste it.

Won’t.

Even.

Taste.

It.

Today, out of desperation and lack of a well-stocked pantry, I sent LD with just some rolled turkey slices, sure they would end up in the garbage can.

But he ate them!  Oh, this excited me, Reader.  So, I tried my luck and began to try and talk to him about more things he might like.

Me:  Oh!  What about the Costco Meatballs that you love?  I can bake them ahead of time and you can microwave them at school?

LD:  How long would I have to microwave them for?

Me:  30 seconds?

LD:  Nah.  Too long

I just don’t know what to do, people.

David:  Let them go hungry.  They will learn.

I just can’t.  It is a trial for me.  My burden to bear.

***

Today, I was able to see my students as we had a material pick up day.  This is the third time I have gotten to see these precious kids in person.

With masks and no hugging, of course.  Because ‘Rona.

Oh, I just love them.  They are so cute and tiny.  One of my kiddos’ had his last day today as he is transferring to in person learning next week.  This is my kiddo who is always serious as a heart attack. And he always says, “Yes, Ma’am.”

Me:  Oh!  I am going to miss you so much!

Kiddo:  I am going to miss you, too.

Me:  Have mom send me a picture of your first day!

Kiddo:  Mrs. M?  Every night, I am going to close my eyes and think about you.

*ok*

Be.

Still.

My.

Heart.

I had his brother last year, and he was standing right there as well.

Brother:  Mrs. M.  I remember when you were my first grade teacher.

Me:  Yup!  Good times!

Brother:  You were the best first grade teacher I ever had.

Me:  I think I was your only first grade teacher.

Brother (stars in his eyes):  Yeah.

Then, out of nowhere, I hear a girl screaming my name and jumping up and down.

Imagine if a tween was at a One Direction concert.  It was like that.

Girl:  Mrs. Maliblahblah!  I see her!  I see Mrs. Maliblahblah!

Well, now I feel awful because I have no idea who this child is and I am pretty sure she is not my student.

She wasn’t my student.  But our first grade team does several asynchronous video lessons, so all first graders see all first grade teachers and this child was literally acting like she was seeing celebrities.  It may have puffed us up with pride in ourselves.  And I can understand why.  And you would understand why, as well, if you saw the quality of our video lessons.  We are amazing.

***

The other day, David and I were piddling around in the kitchen and he looked like he was looking for something.

Me:  I just put a load of whites on our bed, so you can find a clean dishrag there.

This morning, he was trying to get out the door for work and only found one shoe.

Me:  Open the kennel.  The puppy brothers probably took the shoe in with them.

They did.

David:  We have been married for a LONG time.

Me:  Yup.

Because I just know what he needs, man.

***

New Family sent a new picture of Abbie.  New Family’s back story is that they held off on getting a dog for so long because one of their children was extremely terrified of dogs.  When they first got Abbie, he was very cautious and would only wear gloves when touching her.

Here is a recent picture of him and Abbie:

Also, here is a gift we received from Ma and Pa and Sisters Meagan and Jess:

***

Student, via a video, who is supposed to be submitting his math assignment:

Student:  Hi!  I cannot find my math page, but I wanted Mrs. M to know I get to throw ninja stars after school.  BYE!

***

We have two daughters now with boyfriends.

David looks like he has aged ten years.

Happy Thursday!

The other night HD walked in.

HD:  Mom.  I AM STARVING.  When is dinner?

Me:  About a half hour.

HD:   Gosh!  Geez!  I am too hungry.  I need to eat now.

Me:  You can wait a half hour.

HD:  Mom.  You need to do a better job of feeding me.  Have you seen me without my shirt on?  You can see all my bones.

***

I foolishly decided to look in LD’s backpack.  And in it, I found the remains of many lunches I had lovingly packed for him.

Dude is incredibly lazy.

If I hand him a banana, he will look at it and walk away.  If I hand him a peeled banana, he will eat it and love it.

Same with cutie oranges.

So in every lunch bag was an unpeeled cutie.  Yet moments later, he ate a cutie because I had peeled it.

Me:  Dude.  What is the deal?  If I give you a Lunchables pizza, you seem to be able to assemble it.

LD:  I can assemble food.  I cannot deassemble food.

***

I am currently babysitting teens.  You may ask, Taylor!?  Why must teens be babysat?

Well, Reader.  There is not one, but TWO gentlemen callers here at this moment.  One gentleman for each of my dashing daughters.  So I must keep a watchful eye.  To ward off any Tom Foolery.

Right before the gentelmen callers arrived, I was blasting music and singing.  And I was told immediately by Hadley that my singing nonsense had to stop post haste.

A bit ago, David and the boys came in for lunch.  LD was limping.

Me:  What is wrong?

LD:  Everything.  And it is HD’s fault.

And then he got distracted with food and kittens and we all got together for online church.  We often watch church online lately, as it works out well for us these days.

The puppies surely enjoy it.

After church, David and the boys were about to head outside.

David to me:  Welp.  Gotta head back out.  HD burned my propane torch and LD totally flipped the four wheeler.  Like ran it up the fence and it flipped over. We’ve got problems.

ME:  !

Me to LD:  Dude!  Is this why you were limping?

Reader.  I do not know if I will survive being David’s wife and raising these boys.

***

The girls and HD went on a travel trip for basketball.  I was able to watch the games via the live stream.  Kate was unable to play due to a mild concussion she had received a few days prior, but Hadley was playing.

I couldn’t see who it was, but someone from their school’s fans kept shouting out things like:

“Go, Hadley!”

“You got this, Hadley!”

“Nice Job, Hadley!”

And I could hear it over the interwebs.  It was kind of this mystery person.  Makes my heart smile.

The three kids who are going to the private school are doing well with their switch.  I think they are much happier socially, although I am not much happier financially.  YIKES.  The environment is a good fit for them, though, and I am thankful we can do it.

The other day at work, a coworker was mentioning how she had stressed out her husband, who was at home, by asking him to quickly bring something inside from out of the rain.

Coworker:  Seriously.  It would have taken him two minutes.

Me:  Well, he should have David has his “spouse.”

I know.  It didn’t make any sense.  But listen to what I had to do once during my prep time while working from home.

David texts me and asks me if I could please give the steers water.  And I am Pro-Keep-Livestock-Alive, so I agreed.

So, I trudged out there.  And the hose was frozen.  So I knew from watching David that I would have to bring it into the house to warm by the fire.  So I had to unhook it and haul it to the basement, only to find the fire had gone dead.

So, then I had to build a fire, but of course, we didn’t have kindling, so I had to go gather some, because you all know I won’t be using an ax.

As if.

So, I built a fire and had to wait for the hose to thaw and take it outside and fill the water.  And that took up my precious prep time so I had to work through lunch.

The things I do for this man.  Marriage is a sacrifice.

***

Martin Luther King Junior Day came and went.  I have always had a hard time introducing this topic to six year olds, because, in many ways, it feels like I am “introducing” the idea of inequality and racism to them.  And I am not sure how I feel about that.  The “introducing” part, not the teaching them about it.  They are just so innocent and sweet and I try to be so careful.

We read some books about MLK Jr and talked about the word equality.

It opened up a precious conversation with my firsties.  Have I mentioned I love them?

Precious Firstie:  I have a connection to that story.

Me:  What’s that?

Precious Firstie (who has a speech delay):  One time, another kid told me I talked dumb.  And that I didn’t sound “American.”  And that I should not be here in this country.

So that opened up some chatting and we talked about how it is so important to learn The Golden Rule and treat other people the way you would want to be treated.

Precious Firstie:  The best part was he told me I was going to be in trouble for being in this country, so he tried to tattle on me.  And then he got in trouble for being mean to me!

***

We need to talk about this morning.  Because it was a doozy.

Allow me to set the scene:

Kate and Hadley had stayed the night at my parents’ house because they had a late basketball game.

The boys and I had to leave the house by 6:35am to get them to school on time.

Let’s begin.

When David was getting up for work, the puppies heard him and wanted to start their day.

David is soooo cute with the puppies.  Except he only talks all cute to them when he thinks no one can hear them.

But, Reader.  I can hear him.

David (very sing-songy and lovey)  Come on boys!  Let’s go!  Let’s go outside!

Tails wagging, life is happy.

After I woke up, I opted to leave the crazy puppies outside while I cleaned up the house and packed lunches and the like.

And have I told you our dishwasher is broken?

Reader.  Our dishwasher is broken.  It has been broken for awhile.  We are having appliance stress.  That will be a topic for another day.

I wake the boys up, and we have the same routine that we have had with LD since the beginning of time.

Wake up, wake up, wake up.

Come upstairs, come upstairs, come upstairs.

Do not lay on the couch.

Get in the shower.

Use soap in the shower.

Get out of the shower.

Get dressed, get dressed, get dressed.

Why are you wearing those pants?  They do not fit you.  Try again.

Come upstairs, come upstairs, come upstairs.

Eat breakfast.

Why aren’t you eating breakfast?

Here.  Eat.  I have made you breakfast.

And so on and so forth.

While I am enjoying ALL OF THAT, I get a text from Kate.

Kate:  Mom.  I think I have a concussion and I need you to bring me my glasses to work.

This is fine, but we will have to leave a bit earlier.

And that is not fine.

Then Hadley texts me.

Mom:  Can you bring me this sweatshirt and that sweatshirt and this pair of pants and my boots?

This is fine, but we will have to leave a bit earlier.

And that is not possible.  Because I am only on the third reminder to LD to get out of the shower.  And he needs seven.

We let the puppy brothers in and they are covered in something.  I am not sure what it was, but this is what I can tell you:
It was brown/black.  It smelled like poop, pee, and the gut pile.

So, we had to give the puppy brothers a bath, it had to be done.  And we were running late.  And we had to give Kate her glasses, and I knew we were definitely going to be late, so I called the school and told the kind secretary:

“Hello!  Yes, the boys will be late.  Our puppies got into a gut pile and they had to have a bath!  Sorry.”

Because that’s what everyone wants to hear at 7:45 in the morning.

Moments later, I get a call from Hadley.  She cannot find the keys to her car.  So I drop the boys off, late, at school, and go to collect Hadley.

And I call the school and tell the kind secretary:

“Yes, Hello!  Me again!  Hadley has lost her keys so she will be late as I need to now pick her up.”

I get Hadley.  We have deep fellowship about the keys and I interrogate her and she was like:

“Gosh, geez, Mom.  I don’t know.  Gosh.  Yes, I looked through all my bags.”

So I dropped her off, late, at school, and went back to my parents house to look for the keys.  And I could not find them.

Reader.  They were with her.  In her school backpack.

***

Hadley likes a boy.  The boy might like Hadley.

Hadley:  He asked me to hang out tomorrow, but he doesn’t know what to do, so he suggested he just picks me up in his truck and we drive around for awhile.

David (in the most high pitched voice you could ever imagine on a man): NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

Happy Thursday.

Well.  Last night was a treat.

A pleasure, if you will.

During the day, David and the boys were working outside all day.  Kate and I were cleaning inside.  Hadley was off flitting about.

Kate informed me that the downstairs toilet was clogged.  I asked her to remedy the situation.  She objected. Because she didn’t do it. I denied her objection, because I don’t care who did it,  and asked her to take care of it.

My kids all have plunger-phobia.  What this means is they are fearful of using a plunger for reasons that no one in the world will ever understand.  So, I offer an alternative, which is an idea I found on the Pinterest, where you put hot soapy water in the toilet for awhile and it will unclog magically on its own.  So, Kate did that and then I forgot about it.

And then David and the boys came in and Kate’s boyfriend came over and we played games and ate dinner.  I made Shepherd’s Pie, but HD calls it German Pie.  And then Hadley and Lily came over and somehow there was pizza involved and David and I were just trying to go to bed, although I will admit I was surely jealous that no one offered me pizza.

I was all set up with an ice machine on my knee and David was starting to sleep.

And then.

All heck broke loose.

The downstairs erupted with shouting and drama.  Apparently the puppies had gotten into the toilet.  The toilet that was clogged.  The toilet that was never unclogged.  And the puppies helped themselves to the contents of the toilet and smeared said contents all about the bathroom.

And it is no one’s fault and no one did it and why shouldn’t any one specific child be responsible to clean this atrocity up?  And I am embarassed, nay, HORRIFIED, that we have two guests in our home with all this going on.

At LITERALLY the same exact time, David wakes up and says his eyes hurt.

Me:  Why do your eyes hurt?

David:  I don’t know!

Me:  What do you need?

David:  Nothing!

So, I go back to the children/puppy/poopy mess.  And no one still did and no one should have to clean it up, because, gross, Mom.

Now, David has gotten out of bed.  But he was stumbling around and could not see.

Me:  David!

David:  What!

Me:  What can I do?  Should we go to the doctor?

David:  NO!  I’m fine.

The poopy puppies get all cleaned up and children are all irritated at each other and the mysterious toilet clogger person who didn’t remedy their clog in the first place.

Hadley:  Mom.  I would own up to it, if I did it.  It was impressive.  That poo surely would have set a world record or something.  I wouldn’t deny it if it was me.

Meanwhile, David is not doing well.  His eyes are burning and he is in pain.  I am being a doting, albeit annoying, wife.

Can you see?  Did you get anything in it?  Can I look?  Should we wash out your eyes?  Do you need ice?  Shall I get you some pain medicine?  Should we go to the ER?

Finally, he said we should to to the ER.

Things still weren’t peaceful and harmonic at Le House of Poo, so David said to me, and I quote:

“Will these kids be ok if we just leave them here?”

And I lied, and I quote:

“Oh, yes.  They will be fine!”

And then I summoned all the children for a Come to Jesus meeting because they had to get over the poo-saster and live in harmony so I could drive their father to the ER because he was probably going blind for reasons we did not know.

As I was driving him, I was going through the day and trying to figure out what could have been different.  I had rubbed some new arthritis cream on my knee and was trying to figure out if there was any way I could have gotten some in his eyes.

Me:  David.  Did you weld today?

David:  Yeah.  Hours ago.

Me:  Did you use your face shield thingie?

David:  Yeah.

We get to the ER.  He literally cannot use his eyes.  I have to guide him in and the first thing the nurse says to him was-

“Ok!  Did you do any welding today?”

And he told her did and admitted he took off his shield for just a bit.  And then because of the ‘Rona, I had to leave him and wait in the car.  So I went to the car and tried to google-

“Do people go blind from welding?”

Because, seriously.  Something was not right.  And then I was trying to imagine a world where David was blind.  And that would be sad and unfortunate, but also highly exasperating because every day would look something like this:

Me:  Remember, David?  You are blind?

David:  I can still castrate this calf!  Hand me a knife!

And I would have my hands full for all eternity and he would always be fussy.

They did determine it was Flash Burn from welding.  He was given pain meds and eye cream.  I was only able to get him to admit he could not work because he could not see, and luckily, he felt that he probably could not drive to work if he could not see.

I went to bed, scared he was going to not be able to see.  But when he woke up, he could see, and everything is fine and the downstairs toilet is unclogged and now very clean.

The End.

Hadley:  Can I stay the night at Lily’s?

David:  Sure, but be home by 11am.

Hadley:  What?!  I wanted to hang out with friends.

David:  Sorry, need your help taking care of some dead cows.

Hadley:  DDDAAADDD

Me:  You can invite your friends to our house!  They can help with the farm chores and then you can go in the hot tub!

Hadley:

***

Facebook popped this little gem of a video in my memories yesterday, and I felt compelled to upload it to this here blog.

This was a basketball game Kate played in one year ago.  She was a junior and is #30.  They were already in overtime and she shot this three pointer-

And made it and sent them into double overtime!

And what would a blog post be without some razzle dazzling of HD (#14)and his basketball skills?

I mean, let us ponder the gift that the Maliblahblah children are to the game of basketball.

And, let us be impressed with how well his hand has healed up.  Because this was him not too long ago-

***

In other news, let us examine the destruction the befell my couch while LD was “in charge” of Charlie and The Puppy Brothers.

I am not ready to talk about it yet.  I need some time.

***

David, Hadley, and the boys have been working hard on farm chores all day long.  Hadley loves it and would much rather be helping her Pa than hanging out with friends in town.

In case you were wondering.

You may ask,

“Taylor, what do you mean by ‘Farm Chores’?”

Well.  I don’t really know.  But it involves the bobcat and dozer and then the repairing of the bobcat 18 times and hay being transported and cows mooing and the dozer needing a jump with the truck and the four wheeler getting stuck and hay bale loaders being repaired and dead animals taken care of (you don’t wanna know) and dogs finding random body parts and mud and everyone coming in at noon to a hot lunch prepared by yours truly, only to be dismayed when David announces:

We are all going back out in 15 minutes.

Charlie has been able to keep up with them all day.

Norman kept up with them most of the day.

Niko came in the earliest, tired and cold.

I am a good dog grandma.  I made him some kibble with warm chicken broth over it, because his teeth are so tiny he needs a bit of help with the dog chow.

And while Charlie and Norman kept up with the farmers, Niko was conked out in the house.

***

In case anyone is wondering what Friday night looks like for David and I, here is what Friday night looks like for David and I:

Don’t ask me what’s going on.  It has to do with cows and money.

I don’t raise cows for money.  Apparently David is.

***

I would like to dedicate this here post to Sisters Meagan and Jess, for without their guidance on a technical issue, I would have gotten upset, closed my computer, and eaten a shocking amount of chocolate.

Thank you.