The Lumberjack's Wife

Last Saturday was yet another fun edition of:

Steer Butchering Saturday.

Which is obviously my most favorite day.

We abide by a rule that states we only go to town once if we can help it at all.  So we had to combine steer butchering day/Christmas at Ma and Pa’s.

David and the boys were busy unloading the beef and they needed some extra muscle.  David did not ask Kate or I.  Because all he needed was Hadley.

She is freakishly strong.

We were of course being super rude and running late to Mother’s Christmas Dinner.

And then I saw David’s pants.

Me:  David!  There is steer flesh on your pants!

David:  It’s fine.

Luckily, he had thought to bring a change of clothes.

And Auntie Datenut made us all masks:

She is sew thoughtful.

(Do you get it?)

Auntie Datenut is not in the picture.  But Aunt Candi is.  So there you go.

***

On one of my delightful walks with dogs, Charlie found the leg of the aforementioned steer.

And played “keep away” with the puppy brothers.

Basically living their best lives.

We pass this lovely memento daily on our walks:

It makes my heart happy.

***

Mom:  Taylor!  I need you to get a present ready!

Me:  What?

Mom: I bought these frames of pictures with the girls and PopPop, but the pictures are too big for the frame.  Can you help?

Me:  Well, just trim them.

Mom:  I don’t know how.

Me:  Just take the paper behind the frame, place it on the picture, and cut around it.

Mom:  Yeah, I can’t.  You need to.  You are a teacher.

Me:  Yes.  Because cutting pictures to size requires a teaching degree.

I don’t have a picture of the actual frames, but here are the pictures:

Kate is on the left.  Hadley is on the right.

Kate turns 18 tomorrow, if you can believe such a thing.

Guess what we are going to attempt to do this year to celebrate?

Hopefully ‘Rona will permit it.

***

It has been snowing all day.  Thankfully, none of my driving teens needed to drive anywhere today.

I started doing some touch up paint around the house and I would like everyone and their mothers to know that I hate painting.

I was being all no-nonsene-ish and told the kids the dogs had to be outside or in kennels.  Because Norman the puppy grabbed a stir stick that I had used to mix paint and ran around with it, thankful I got him a new toy.

And what fun!  And paint!

At one point, the boys went outside to ride four wheelers and the dogs went outside with them.  When they returned, only Norman and Charlie were with them and Niko, the other puppy, was missing.

Well, the snow is currently deeper than Niko is tall, and Niko is still a precious baby.  We called and called for him, but he did not come.

So all the kids and I went out to search for him.  And he was nowhere.

We searched the house and all outbuildings.  We walked all around our property that he has been.  We looked for at least a half hour and I was sure he was dead.  It was so awful.

I had been watching him pounce around in the snow with Charlie earlier, having a blast, but noticing that he was definitely sinking easily into the snow.  I was sure he was stuck somewhere and freezing to death.

He weighs like 8 pounds, people.

Finally, HD walked through the large round hay bales and noticed Niko seeking shelter on the ground under the large pile.  It was such a relief.

And I could stop panicking that Kate’s puppy died on her 18th birthday eve.  And I am done with animal sadness for the year.  Thank you.

The snow is still coming down.

When David got home, he and the boys set out to start plowing.  LD was running a four wheeler with a plow.

And for reasons unbeknownst to all parties involved he headed for the woods to start plowing.

?

And then got the four wheeler stuck.

?

Me:  Why are you plowing in the woods?  We need to plow the driveway.

LD:  Well, excuse  ME for trying to do something KIND.

?

The four wheeler is unstuck.  The driveway is plowed.  The dogs are all safe.

And this is the last night I will have all four of my kids be under 18.

Happy Wednesday!

David surprised me with two lovely chairs for our deck for Christmas, and now my cow viewing experience will now be on a whole other level.

We had a lovely Christmas morning.  Kate opened a family gift sent to us by my parents and Sisters Meagan and Jess.

Which made everyone cry, but HD would like the records to show that he and his father did not cry, so please make sure you understand that the two of them were touched, but too manly to cry.

We will put on his burial spot.

I got each canine friend a new squeaky toy and the three dogs were over the moon excited, leaping and squeaking over piles of wrapping paper and they surely had the most joy out of everyone on Christmas Day.

Kate (surrounded by animals):  We literally live the best life ever.

We like our animals.

After the presents and shenanigans, David and the boys went out to try and take care of that pesky tree problem.

I was quite impressed that he did not destroy any buildings or fencing.  (He had removed the fencing panels where the tree fell)

Good.

Job.

David.

I watched from my lovely deck and also took the time to snap a festive photo of Matilda-

who no longer appears to be limping.

On Christmas Night, it started snowing, so that sort of counted as a White Christmas.

This morning I took Charlie and the puppy brothers on a walk to try and wear the puppy brothers out:

It worked.

They were exhausted.

They listened well and found a dead mouse and did not chase any cows.

Speaking of cows, look at these two cuties-

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your families.  We are now switching gears to try and get ready for Kate’s upcoming 18th birthday.

Finally, here is a picture David took across the river from our river property.

Cannot wait to get back there.

Happy Saturday!

Sometimes when we watch the kids’ games via the livestream, there are announcers at their games.  And it is all quite impressive.  And I would like the records to show that the announcers, who do not know who we are, were able to correctly pronounce our last name.  However, they did pronounce Hadley’s name as:  HOD-ley.  And that was something.

Let’s talk about HODley for a minute.

I got off the phone with the important insurance man and he told me we needed to send him the title of her car.

Me:  Hadley, I need the title of your car.

Hadley:  Ok, what’s that.

Me:  The super important piece of paper that shows you own the car.

Hadley:  No idea.  Probably in my glove box.

Me:  HADLEY!  You NEVER keep a title in your glovebox!

Hadley:  Gosh, geez, I don’t know, gosh.  I am only sixteen!

So sheand I hop in the car and drive one hour to the mechanic to go and try to rescue her title before the insurance company tows it away.  On December 23rd.

We get to the car and she pulls everything out of the glove box, only to find there is no title.  Only an application for a title.

Reader.  I did not go to the DMV with her last year.  David did.

Me:  HADLEY.  Did you and dad ever send this off?

Hadley:  Gosh, geez, I don’t know.

So, there is helpful phone number and we are put on hold for the state DMV’s office and we became annoyed when we were told by a robot that there were 5 people ahead of us, and then the robot updated us and said there were 4 people ahead of us, and then that robot had the audacity to cheerfully tell us there were 9 people ahead of us.

We did not care for her math.

And then we talked to a helpful lady and she did a lot of typing on a keyboard and informed us that the title was most assuredly sent and Hadley would need to apply for a duplicate and we have to go into the dmv to do that.  And does anyone else in the world loathe having to actually go to the DMV?  Or is it just people who live around me?  Because that place is not running like a well-oiled machine.

Me:  Oh, gosh.  Is there anyway do take care of this online?

Helpful Lady:  Oh, honey, it would take far too long.  You need to go to your DMV office.

So I look up the number of my local DMV office and find that we have two locations in our county.  One is closed for reasons the internet will not even mention to me.  The other appears open and has a working telephone number.  But when you call the telephone number, you talk to a robot man who says the office is open but too busy to take my call.  And I am not happy with the robots who work at my state’s DMV, because, seriously.

So, we drive to the DMV and there are signs posted that say, “Appointment only” and we try to make an appointment on our phones, but we keep being told we cannot.  So, I walk in and talk to a human.  She is also nice, but regrets to inform me that they are currently out 45 days for appointments.  And the appointment maker app won’t even operate that far out.

Me to David:  I have no idea where her title is.

David:  I rememer it coming in the mail.  And I said to her, “Hadley.  This is important.  Keep is safe.”

Hadley:  Geez, gosh, I didn’t know.

***

Meanwhile, today is Christmas Eve and I fear David is not as jolly as everyone else’s husbands are on a day such as today.

A few days ago this happened:

And today is the first day that David had off to deal with it.

We are having a bit of vehicular woes.  Allow me to walk you through them.

Hadley’s car:  totaled

David’s truck:  broke down, at mechanic

Kate’s car:  in town with her at work

Bobcat:  NEVER functioning properly

My car:  fine

Spare Subaru:  fine, but has a bit of a flat tire.

Work Van:  ONLY FOR DAVID AND WORK

Ok.  So David needed to use the Bobcat, but to use the Bobcat, he needed to jump the battery and to jump the battery, he needed my car.

*I think*

Let the records show:  this story is being told to you by me who has yet to actually get information from David and saw the events unfold from the comfort of her living room window.

When he was using my car to start up the Bobcat, something broke.  I wanna say it was a battery line or cable, but really, what do I know?

So he came inside to tell Hadley that he needed her to take the Subaru to town and get a part for my car.

Hadley:  Um.  I left my keys in Lily’s car in town.

This was not the correct answer, Reader.

So, I start to get ready and try to offer to David that I can take his work van to town and get the part for the SUV and the keys for the Subaru.

David comes in.  He does not appear merry like Santa Claus.  Unfortunately.

David:  I think I have the SUV working well enough to drive it to town and get the part.  The boys are NOT ALLOWED to step foot into this house until they have shown you four red hoses that are about 18 inches long.  If they tell you they have to go to the bathroom, you will hand them toilet paper and send them back outside.  Here are my workvan keys in case I break down and I need you to come and get me.

Me:  Ok, are you going to get the Subaru keys while in town?

David:  No, that is Hadley’s problem.

*sigh*

Off he tootles to town.  The tree is still in a precarious spot and my boys are trying to find red hoses.

And I am so fearful that it is going to fall on my lovely deck because that would not be a Christmas miracle, friends.

So, I check on the boys.  Their spirits are good given the current situation.

Me:  So.  You got some red hoses for me?

LD:  Yeah, yeah, we are working on it.

Me:  What happened?

LD:  I dropped them and they fell in the Bobcat.  It was an accident.

HD:  LD dropped them.  I have found two.  He is lucky to have me.

Me:  Well, hopefully you don’t have to go to the bathroom anytime soon.

And then I see one of the infamous red hoses, and my whole world has opened up.  Because apparently people use the word “hose” for items other than garden hoses.  Because when I saw LD holding one, I would have classified it as a “tube-thingie.”

You learn something new everyday.

Meanwhile, HODley and I were wrapping presents and cleaning the house.  Charlie was taking her puppy brothers all around the property and showing them how to cause general mischief.  I am a good grandma to my grandpups, and I ushered the puppy brothers inside and fed them and told them to take a nap.

I am a wise grandmother.

Here’s what I know:

1.  My car is fixed.
2. The subaru keys are still in town.
3. David started trying to get the bobcat to run around 8am for tree removal.
4. At 2pm David told me the Bobcat was finally running, yet I do not see anything happening to that tree.
5. The boys must have found the missing tube-thingies because they got to use the bathroom AND eat lunch.
6.  We do not have a title for Hadley’s car, nor do we have an appontment to get a duplicate title for Hadley’s car.

Merry Christmas!

When Kate came home the other day, she lost track of our new puppy, Norman.  We have two new puppies:  Niko and Norman.  They are darling puppy brothers who enjoy pooping under the table. Niko and Norman were both born the same day, but Norman is quite a bit chubbier.

Guess where she found Norman.

In the dog food storage bin.

They are surely cute.

But they poop SO MUCH.  It is incredulous and almost like they are playing a prank on me.

***

We are still working out what do do about Hadley’s wrecked car.  I called and talked to the dudes at the body shop today.

Not good news for the car.  Like, it is totaled.

But they were shocked that Hadley herself was not hurt at all.  They said that was actually pretty amazing.  So, that is something to be thankful about.

***

For reasons unbeknownst to me, the powers that be at the basketball gym allowed TEN spectators for HD’s basketball game.  And LD and I were lucky enough to receive two coveted spots.

And now, I would like to brag about my baby boy who now plays with high schoolers, even though he is only in 8th grade:

It is all very exciting.

***

The kids and I had our annual Christmas cookie decorating party.

We have done this for years.  Someday I should try to find all the pictures and post them together.

Today is not that day.

***

The boys and I went to mother’s house today.  Mother was making Christmas cookies with her sister, Aunt Candi.  Uncle Harry was there as well.

I know.  It’s ok.  Just pretend like you know all those people.  It’s fine.

The boys did not help make cookies.  They ate cookies, played basketball, ate cookies, and watched tv.  They also helped sample a few cookies.

Also, we compared Mother and LD’s height.

And can we not all agree that is ridiculous?  Yes?

Mother and Aunt Candi were having a grand time baking cookies.  And you would think that they were making cookies for 472 people.  There were a lot of cookies.

Brother Danny has gotten mother an Alexa.  Because he thinks he is funny.

Mother likes to use Alexa to help her bake cookies.  And, oh the joy it brings her.

Mom:  Taylor.  I used to get confused with which timer was for what.  Using Alexa to help with timers is life-changing.

So.  Mom is baking up a storm.  And so is Aunt Candi.  And mom has also invited Alexa to the party, because Mom was talking to Alexa more than she spoke to anyone else.  And when I say she spoke to Alexa, of course I mean she shouted.

ALEXA.  PLAY CHRISTMAS MUSIC.

ALEXA.  START A TIMER FOR CHOCOLATE MINT COOKIES.

ALEXA. TURN DOWN THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC.

ALEXA.  START A TIMER FOR PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES.

ALEXA.  STOP THE TIMER FOR CHOCOLATE MINT COOKIES.

ALEXA.  TURN THE MUSIC UP.

Me:  Mom.  Can you try and talk to Alexa in a normal voice?

Mom:  It doesn’t work like that.

Meanwhile, Aunt Candi politely asks Alexa to start timers in her normal indoor voice, and shockingly, Alexa can hear her.

My head is still pounding.

But I did get to eat three cookies and did not have to bake anything.

ALEXA.  SAY THANK YOU TO MA AND AUNT CANDI.

One of the secretaries of the school I used to work at is retiring, so me and a few other online school pals stopped by to wish her glad tidings.

Friends.

I didn’t realize how much I missed the school community.

Students remembered me!  And shouted my name!  And I was wearing a mask!  But they knew who I was!

I miss them all so much.  And all my teacher friends-don’t get me started.  It was hard and lovely all at the same time.

Teaching.  Hard job.  But so special.

Sometimes when I am teaching my online students, I get completely hit with the reality of our life today.  A year ago, I would have never fathomed the world as it is today. And do you ever stop and really think about how different life is?

I am happy to report that I love my online students as much as I have ever loved in person students.  I am also happy to report that it appears they feel the same way:

As evidenced by this student’s math lesson submission.

I couldn’t really grade her understanding of our math unit, but she definitely scored some points.

***

Kate is finished with her first semester of her senior year.

And she came home and took a nap.

With Niko, Rio, and Charlie happy to see her home.  She will be 18 soon.

I shall have this day for mourning.

Also.  Rio really likes the Christmas tree.

Which is a bummer, yet also cute.

My heart is sad tonight, Reader.  I am not sure why.  I think I feel old.  And blessed.  And amazed at how many twists and turns life has brought me.

When Kate was a newborn, I talked David into getting her pictures taken at Sears.

This is how old I am.

We were flat broke.  And we splurged on newborn pictures.  I remember when we were taking them, I felt like they were not very good.  I cried and called my mom.  I told her I wasted money on pictures and they weren’t even going to be good.  She told me they would probably be lovely and it was going to be ok.

And compared to pictures of today, they probably aren’t that great.

But I love this picture.

And my heart hurts to think of the time that has passed.   And how hard it was to pay for those pictures.  And how much they now mean to me.

And I hope I have done a good job.

On Saturday, David told me another calf was born.

Me:  From a cow you bought at auction a couple of weeks ago?

David:  Yes.

Me:  So all three of those bred cows who were supposed to calve in February have now calved?

David:  Yes.

Which begs the question:  Who is doing the pregnancy checks at this auction, I ask you?

So, we have Babs’s calf and three new auction calves.  Babs’s calf and one of the auction calves have tags in their ears.

Yes!  Tags!

It is a new service we just added here at Maliblahblah Farms.

We don’t yet have a squeeze chute set up, so we cannot tag our cows.  We can only tag newborn calves because we weigh more than them for about 10 minutes.

Anyways.  I take Charlie on walks to check the cows daily, and I always check on the calves.  I am supposed to find two tagged calves and two untagged calves.  The hope is to find them alive and healthy.  And everyday, I would only find two tagged calves and one untagged calf.  So, I believed in my heart of hearts that David was just confused and one of the auction cows did not yet calve.

What is the point of this?  Is anyone still reading?  I do have a point.

I found the elusive newborn on Monday.  And here is photographic proof:

And I was very thorough with my investigation and also took photos of the other three calves so I could be sure I truly had four calves on my hands.  It was a very successful lunch break walk for Charlie and I.

Yes.  I walk and take bovine inventory on my lunch break.  What do you do?

I LOVE teaching from home.  I am home alone, surrounded by a plethora of animals.  And between communicating with animals and with my precious first graders, I am sure I speak more words in one hour while being “home alone” then David speaks in an entire day out in society.  I do not get to teach from home everyday, which is a bummer and a half.  But I entertain myself quite nicely and enjoy the house being clean and staying clean and it is all quite pleasant.

Yesterday, we got a lot of snow, and I found this little calf to be quite clever.

All other cows looked quite miserable, chewing their cud while snow dumped all over them.  This dude was living his best life, keeping dry and cozy under the massive girth of his mother.

Speaking of girth . . .

Norman, one of the new puppies is a chubster.  He really likes to eat and sometimes his belly gets in the way when he is trying to do everyday tasks.  Like walking.

Me:  Well, I am going to have to bring Norman with me to the beach from now on.  He will make me feel a lot better about my swimsuit body.

LD laughed a bit too hard at that joke, Friends.  It made my feelers sad.

Norman and Niko, the new puppy brothers, are very cute and sweet and healing our hearts from our losses of Tank and Abbie.  Charlie is being a good big sister dog and all is well so far.

On days that I am home, I can take them outside for little 10 minute walk breaks.

Niko is in the front and Norman is in the back.  They come in, exhausted, which is good, because I need to teach first graders.

They go in the kennel and nap while I teach.

And then I let them out and they wreak havoc on our entire house.  And we love them.

New Family sends many happy updates on Abbie.  It is such a blessing and so nice to know she is loved and doing well.

I have had numerous good reports and only two not-so-good reports.  One not-so-good was that she chased her cats, which the cats found to be unimpressive.  I found that to be hilarious as she lived in our house through the year of 16 kittens and never seemed to even notice the felines existed in our house.

The next not-so-good report was that she jumped up and tried to eat food off the table.

For shame, Abbie!  She never tried that at our house.  That I know of.

So those were the two not-so-good reports.  Everything else has been wonderful.  She exercises with their teen girls.  She goes on walks.  She lets all the kids pet her and love on her.  She tries to socialize with the neighbor goats, but they are not interested in meeting her aquaintance.

New family is a big family with 8 kids, and Abbie is their first dog.  I was told by New Family Mom that one of her children said this the other day,

“You know how sometimes we feel like we are missing someone, even though we are all here?  I think we were missing the dog.”

LD has always had trouble staying “on task.”  David needed the boys help outside, so the three manly men were out working for awhile.  And then I saw this out the window . . .

LD and Charlie leaping across haybales.

Auntie Datenut says they look like giant pieces Frosted Shredded Wheat cereal.

I agree.

Charlie has been doing so much better around cows lately.  Before, she would go after them and try to “herd” them.  It used to bug her if they were near the house, so she would go and chase them all into the back 40 and then come back to us, extremely proud of herself.

It was nice that she was proud of herself.  But it drove us nuts and caused anger amongst the moody cows.

Now, she walks with me and listens and does not go after them.

Let the records show:  the cows still hate her somethig fierce.  But they are learning to live together in peace and harmony.

Me:  David, I feel like Matilda has been limping lately.

David:  Yup.  I have been meaning to tell you.  It’s not good.

Me:  Oh, shoot.

Few minutes later . . .

Me:  YOU ARE NOT KILLING MATILDA.

David:  I didn’t say I was.  I just said it wasn’t good.

Sheesh.  My heart cannot take any more animal sadness.  I could go back and count all the creatures who have sadly passed from our lives this year, but that would be so depressing.

2020.  It’s been a bummer.

Matilda has been laying down in the same spot often.  And I don’t know how to fix a limping cow.  I feel like instead of a teacher, I should have become a veterinarean.  Is it too late to switch careers?

***

Well.  Yesterday we came home with these two:

Meet Norman and Niko.

Norman is HD’s Christmas present and Niko is Kate’s.

They are brothers and they are the quite sweet.  Norman is a solid guy.  He feels about five pounds heavier than Niko.

Yesterday, we fed him for the first time and he literally went hog wild.  And he actually makes piglet grunting noises.  And we know what piglet grunting noises sound like.  Because 2020 brought us 350 piglets.  But that is neither here nor there.

I was in charge of holding Norman and keeping him entertained so his much slimmer brother, Niko, could get a few bites in.

This was a challenge.

Here’s what we know:  Norman loves food.

Norman lept out of my arms and ran over to “help” Niko eat.

Charlie is doing well being a big sister.  The boy pups are good at eliminating their bladders outside instead of on the carpet.

So far, so good.

Yes, hello.  I am hiding out in the house with a very anxious pup and avoiding looking out all windows.

Why?

It is steer butchering day.

I am used to pig butchering day, and all the horror and pig screaming that entails.  But steer butchering day is macabre on a whole other level.

The blood shed.  The graphic scenes.  The machinery needed to hoist.  The size of the gut pile.

For just one animal.

Makes me want to be a vegetarian.

The other day, a friend reached out asking if anyone could hook her up with some organs for her science class.  And I was like, “Well, Yes, I can, because steer butchering day is Saturday”.  And I wonder if I am the envy of anyone, to have access to such perks as disposable organs?

So David is helping advance this gal’s pupils’ education and tossing the lungs and the heart into a bucket and meeting up with them later this very afternoon.

It is disgusting and kind of him.

And I wonder what it would look like if he got pulled over transporting a bucket of organs?  Would that be hard to explain to an officer?  Would David be viewed as “shady”?

I know not.

***

The other night, Kate came home on cloud nine.  She is planning on becoming a Nurse Practioner and got accepted into a CNA program that will start in January.  She bought her first pair of scrubs and modeled them for us.

“Do I look like a real nurse?  Like actually?  Like if I walked into the room and told you I needed to check your blood pressure would you believe that I was a nurse?”

HD:  No.

LD:  No.

Me:  YES!

She turns 18 in a couple of weeks, if anyone can believe THAT.

***

We still are unable to attend games, but I have to be honest:  I love the blessing that is LIVE STREAMING.  Sisters Meagan and Jess are now like the kids’ biggest fans.

They even have Cheerleader Dogs.

How fun is this?  And we get to live text throughout the game, as well as offer tech support to Ma.  The first game proved unsuccessful for her, as she found herself uber confused and not watching the correct game.

Last night, not only did she find the correct game, but she was able to get it to play on her TV and not just her phone.

Tonight on Maliblahblah live sports, we can watch HD at 4 and Hadley at 7.  Who needs the NBA?  I ask?

***

Last night, I had to drive uber slow because the weather turned treacherous. It is exhausting when you have to drive on bad roads, but even more so when your commute is almost an hour and you are passing by several cars that have gone off the road. When I got home, we told the girls that after their basketball game, they needed to go to my parents house (in town) and not drive home.  Well, I was asleep, because it was like 8:30 AT NIGHT, and Hadley called David.

On her way to my parents house, she went off the road and hit a tree.

David and the boys had to drive in the treachery to go and save the day.  My parents and Kate picked Hadley up and then brought her back when David arrived at the scene.

They were able to get the car to my parents house, but David says it is probably totaled.

I was trying to talk to Hadley on the phone after it happened, just trying to get an idea of what happened.  She was all flustered.

Me:  I am not mad at you.  You are not in trouble.  You didn’t do anything wrong.

Hadley:  OK

Me:  Are you hurt?

Hadley:  No

Me:  Was it scary?

Hadley:  Yeah.  Little bit.

One of the worst things about driving on bad roads is when your car is sliding and there is nothing you can do about it.  It is very scary and it has happened to me before-even while driving carefully.

So, we are dusting off the old Subaru and getting it all set up with snow tires so she can use that for the time being.

***

Charlie the puppy is my new buddy.  She is everyone’s new buddy.  We think she is lonely.

I get to work from home two days a week, which I L-O-V-E.  On my lunch break, Charlie and I go walk and check the cows, like Abbie and I used to.

I am working with her and she is doing much better listening and not chasing the cows.

She still looks like FrankenPup from all of her stitches.  We are going to the vet today to get the stitches removed.

She will probably throw up in the car, because she throws up in the car every time she goes in the car.

Anyone have any suggestions on this?

Please Advise.

Happy Weekend.