The Lumberjack's Wife

The weekly conversation:

David to kids:  Fill the woodbox.

Kids:  We did.

David:  Try again.  Not full enough.

Today, when I went to check the fire, I found this:

I feel like they are getting a bit passive-aggressive in their old age.  And I felt like I was playing a terrifying game of Jenga while trying to load the fire.

Yes.  It’s the end of March and we still need a fire.  We had one heck of a winter, my friends.  Cold and snow for days.  But, alas.  Spring is coming.

We are on Spring Break.  We are NOT at Disneyland, which is where I long to be.  We just finished up with “Birthday Week.”  Handsome Dude turned 10 and Daisy Mae turned 13.

Daisy Mae!  13!  Here she is on a recent adventure to her Great Uncle Harry’s house.  Harry invited the kids over for fish tacos.  He finds himself to be hilarious.

It’s goldfish crackers in a crunchy taco shell.  Hardy har har.  (Kids loved it, actually)

Yes.  She has a phone.  Both the girls do.  WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD?  They have to pay for it monthly and all that jazz and we, the uncertain-parents-who-are-not-yet-ready-for-their-girls-to-be-teenagers, put several rules in place regarding the usage of the phone.

Here’s further proof that Taylor is not ready to parent teens:

Allow me to set up the scene for y’all:

Sweet Pea is 14.  She is interested in going to a dance with a MALE.  My favorite part: “And maybe more than I am not remembering.” (Feel free to steal that genius line, parents)

You see, this covers me for future rules I might come up with on a whim because I AM NOT READY FOR THIS.

And check out Sweet Pea, the good-natured 14-year-old who gives her terrified mama a thumbs up.

#winning

Now, let’s talk about Handsome Dude.  He’s 10!  And (generally speaking) he is so much more mature and hard-working and responsible than I could have ever imagined him to be at 10.

Yes!  Handsome Dude!

1.  He completely takes charge of his homework and completes it in a timely fashion AND does it well.
2.   He has muscles.  I am not kidding.  He has started helping David out more around the property and that kid is buff.
3. He can plow our driveway with the 4-wheeler and plow.
4. He NEVER breaks his glasses.  (Long time readers will take great joy in that statement)
5. His teacher scored him as “advanced” for his behavior.  (I can’t even.  The kid used to pee on my washing machine and then offered no good reason or apology)

Recently, his class performed a square dance and here is, being all good-natured and not all oh-she-has-girl-cooties and dancing with girls.

He looks more like a basketball player than a square dance, but, you know . . . baby steps.

Last night, I made chicken and wild rice soup and he was feeling a bit uncertain about it.  Because, you know, it wasn’t mac and cheese or pizza or something safe like that.  But after a bite or two, he said

“Mom, I love this.  Do you think you could make this next time I am sick?”

Be still my heart.

Little Dude is still . . . .little dude-ish.  He is a bit wacky.

Sweet Pea had some friends over and Little Dude was being all charming and flirty with them.  He bragged to them:  “My dad is the Ladies Man!”

Oh, dear.

Me:  Dude, do you see Dad flirting with girls a lot?

LD:  Oh, yeah.  All the time.  But mostly with you.

He also smacked me on the hiney the other day.  Because Dad does it.

He’s a work in progress.

Also, a quick update on my knee.  The knee manipulation in December was the last procedure I had done on it.  It still hurts quite a bit and does not have full range of motion.  But, I can walk!  I am working on trying to get 10,000 steps every day and hoping that strenghtening it might help.  If it isn’t better by the end of May, I might have to to a new doctor.

Happy Thursday!

Our kids are growing up.  Sweet Pea is now 14, if you can believe such a thing.  Next year, she will be starting The High School.  I am not sure how this has happened.  Just like I am not sure how it has been over two months since I blogged.  I used to try to limit my blogging to only 5 posts a week.

But I digress.  As I was saying, our kids are growing up.  Sweet Pea is 14 and very much enjoys sports.  I think she would like to play every sport, if we let her.  But we can’t let her.  Daisy Mae will soon be 13.  She was asked to the school dance by a B-O-Y, which David wasn’t quite ready for in the least.  Daisy Mae turned into quite the basketball player this year, scoring many a point each game.  Handsome Dude is nearly 10.

TEN!

And he can plow the driveway with the 4-wheeler.  THE 4-WHEELER, of all things.  He has giant feet and wears a size 8.  He is still sporting his spaceman glasses, and no, they still haven’t broken.  Little Dude is 8 years old, and still up to his usual antics.  If I had a nickel for every day he lay naked, scantily clad with a towel, in front of the fire instead of getting dressed, I would be a rich gal.  He has taken a turn towards responsibility and started to be a bit more independent with his homework and Awana work . . . but promptly clothing his naked body after a shower in the early morning hours?  Nay.

Handsome Dude is starting to find his “voice” in our little family unit.  One day , HD, DM, and SP were all supposed to load the woodbox.  This can be quite the chore when you have millions of inches of snow and 10 degree weather.  HD and DM were politely discussing with each other when they would be ready to go and asked SP when she might be ready to help them load the woodbox.

SP:  No, I won’t help.

HD:  YES YOU WILL.

SP:  No.  I have a better plan.   You and DM can load the woodbox, and then as soon as you are finished, I will vacuum the floor and clean up the woodchips.

HD:  NO WAY!  We aren’t going to do the hard work in the freezing cold while you lay in here by the warm fire like SOME BEAUTY MODEL.

It was my favorite moment thus far of 2017.

The girls are entering a fun phase of drama and sass and makeup.  I AM NOT READY FOR THIS.  SEND HELP.

Life is exhausting.  I teeter back and forth about whether it would be easier to homeschool.  We have a 45 minute commute each way, and this has been one harsh winter.  It is very hard on this old gal to have to drive that long on icy roads, only to arrive at school and try to teach a SPIRITED class of first graders.  But I think our kids would hate to be homeschooled at this point and enjoy their friends and sports too much.  So . . .  .  tired . . . . am . . . . I.

My classroom is a tough group.  I have decided to CHOOSE JOY every day, even when . . . . 1)  One of my low students is taking pictures on his iPad and being generally naughty, instead of doing his Reading Eggs account intervention.

2)  During a lice outbreak (itchy, itchy!)

3)  When I have multiple time outs (REFOCUS!) a day

4)  When I run out of refocus slips mid-day

5)  When the math lesson I planned out that was sure to innovate and inspire ends up in a disaster with math manipulatives being used as toys.

6)  When no matter how bad things seem, the kids always want hugs and tell me they love me.

Thank goodness for Berenstain Bears books!  Earlier this year. they were all about Mo Willems (and still are!).  But now they have discovered, and loved Berenstain Bears books!  No matter how challenging of a day, we can always find joy in a good read aloud.

I am hoping it won’t be two months before I can write again!  I will try to remember the humorous things in life and come back here and jot them down.

Happy Tuesday!

Well.  I survived the last week of school before break.

Barely.

Never in my life have I been more exhausted, I can assure you.  And I have birthed four babies.

The week started off okay, as long as I tried to keep everything in a normal-ish routine for the little kiddos. By Tuesday afternoon, behavior was through the roof and we had to reverse gears and shift into complete survival mode.

On Wednesday afternoon, I ran into one of my team teachers in the break room.  We both looked shell-shocked and like we had just survived an enemy attack.

Me:  How’s it going in there?

Team Teacher:  Oh, not so good.

Me:  How did  . . . math go?

Friends.  Math is a tricky time for our first grade friends, even in the weeks not surrounding a major holiday.  For you see, math happens in the afternoon.  And you never know what will happen in the afternoon with a bunch of “spirited” 6 year olds.  Sometimes, it isn’t pretty, folks.

Team Teacher:  Oh, I tried to teach them something new!

Me (aghast):  You did, what?!

Team Teacher (now laughing hysterically):  Yes!  I tried to teach them how addition and subtraction are related!

Me (also now laughing hysterically):  Are you STUPID?

Team Teacher:  Yeah, I am all done with that now.

Ha.  Rookie mistake.

In an effort to keep most kids away from the “refocus” desk, I invented a new teaching strategy the last few days called:

“Just Let Them Choose A Quiet Learning Activity And Hope For The Best.”

It was brilliant.  I would list about four choices that were quiet, pleasing to them, and had an academic nature, and let them pick.  We had moments of quiet bliss.

Moments.

But I was also feeling the teacher guilt.  I struggle with remembering to be magical and fun, all while trying to manage them and keep them learning.

I already had a Christmas tree in the room with a wrapped present for each of them under it.  So, you know, big “Teacher-Magic” Points there.

And, yes.  I heard:

Teacher, when do we get to open our presents?

Every. 10. Minutes.

Me:  On Friday.

Students:  When is Friday?

Every. 10. Minutes.

Then Little Dude came home talking about how his class had an Elf.  And I was so annoyed that his teacher was beating me at Christmas magic when she is teaching 3rd grade and I am teaching 1st grade.  And I knew I had to up my game.

So I also threw an Elf into the mix.  I didn’t really know what to do with this Elf, but I just started to make stuff up.

First, the Elf was in our Christmas Tree and he wrote them a note on the whiteboard.  And Elf asked them to write about what he might see in our awesome classroom.

And, by golly, that Elf got them to write.  QUIETLY.  FOR 20 MINUTES.

Next, Elf moved and he left them each a candy came on their desk and a gingerbread house craft.

It was at this moment that Elf completely blew their minds.

Oh, the shouting that ensued.  Let us be thankful my principal did not walk in at this moment for a surprise observation.

Kid 1:  THE ELF MOVED!

Kid 2:  I KNOW!

Kid 1:  HOW DID HE MOVE?

Kid 2:  I DO NOT KNOW!  HE IS MAGIC!

Kid 1:  DO YOU THINK MRS. M MOVED HIM?

Kid 2:  NO BECAUSE SHE WAS ON RECESS DUTY!  I SAW HER OUTSIDE WITH US!

Kid 1: THAT’S RIGHT!  WOW!

Cue Reasonable Child:  Actually, we didn’t see Mrs. M during library time, so maybe  . . .

Me:  Let’s go read the note together!

Christmas magic!

It was then that I realized that this Elf thing didn’t have to be super involved.  They absolutely loved it and he would just move around and do funny things.

And so with minimal effort on my part, I was able to make Christmas magical for the little pumpkins.

On Friday morning, a couple of kids brought me in a card or a small gift.  I absolutely do not expect any gift whatsoever from the kids.  It is so cute, because some of them see others give me something and they are not sure what is going on or what they should do.  One little guy opened his lunchbox and gave me his orange.  I kept trying to give it back to him, but he was so proud and insisted.

Another kiddo wanted to give me his gingerbread house craft.

Me:  Oh, buddy, you should take this home and give it to grandma.  She will love it!

Kiddo:  But you do so much for us everyday.  You should have it.

*Oh, be still my heart*

One little guy brought me a wrapped present.  When I opened it, it was a ceramic angel, but one of its wings had broken off.  I tried to not let him see, but he asked me:

“Did it break?”

So I showed him and he was very sad.

“It was in my backpack and I was trying to be so careful, but some kids ran by me and bumped into me and I fell backwards into a snowbank and I was worried the angel broke.”

Me:  It’s ok.  I love it and I will try to fix the wing.

Poor guy.  It was very sweet.  I couldn’t fix the wing, but it is sitting on my window sill, broken wing and all.  I will always treasure it.

Friday was a tricky day.  It was full of excitement, sugar, and fun.  But it was also inside recess day on account of frigid temps.

Inside recess day is no bueno.

The kids finally got to open their presents.  I was declared THE BEST TEACHER EVER, so, yeah.  Don’t be jealous.

(Full disclosure:  the gifts are the $1 book selection from Scholastic and I use my teacher points that I earn throughout the year to buy them.  #winning)

And by Friday at 5pm, I was home and ready for bed.  I looked in the mirror, and I could hardly recognize myself.  I have never looked so old and tired and didn’t know my eyes could look so red.  It was a scary sight.

But I survived.  And I am very thankful for Christmas break.

Very.

Very.

Thankful.

In the never-ending knee saga that is now my life, I did end up having to have the knee Manipulation Under Anesthesia procedure done a few days ago.

This picture cracks me up.  One eye is smaller than the other.  They had already started me on a fine mixture of drugs at this point.  And it was probably 6am.

Drugs.  I am a fan!

The procedure itself didn’t take much time at all, I guess.  The doctor said I had quite a bit of scar tissue built up and he heard a lot of cracking and noise as he bent my knee.

I shudder at the thought.

Directly after I came out of recovery, David had to take me to physical therapy so I could get started right away on bending.  Because the universe is against me.

I am going to be seeing my physical therapist friends often over the next few days.  I think I am one of their younger customers by far and they enjoy the youthful energy that I bring. I feel like I am totally bending like a champ now.  I was able to get my knee bent to 117 degrees yesterday.  Before the manipulation, the farthest I could bend was about 90-93 degrees.  I make me proud.

I finally got my knee brace off and my students have been seeing me walk for the first time this school year without one.  The other day when I was passing out papers, I could hear them whispering to each other:

“Look at how fast she is walking!”

“Look at her go!”

Ha.  Cuties.

We have a student of the month assembly each month.  For November, I chose a sweet little pumpkin boy from my class who is very honest.  He lives with grandma.  I called grandma to let her know that he was receiving the award and that I liked to keep it a surprise for the kiddos.

After he received his award, he was sitting by me in the assembly.  I chose to talk to him, even though we are certainly not allowed to be talking during an assembly.

I am such a bad example.

Me:  You look very nice today!

He was wearing a vest with a tie.

Kiddo:  My grandma wanted me to look nice today.  But I don’t know why.

Me (still talking during an assembly.):  Don’t you think it was because you were student of the month?

Kiddo (shrugging):  No, because my grandma didn’t know I was going to win.

Me:  Yes, she did!  I told her!

Kiddo (eyes lighting up):  Really?

Me:  Yes.  And she is here.

Kiddo:  No . . . really?

I point her out to him.  The moment he saw her was the best moment of my whole teaching career.  His whole face lit up and he waved to her.  He even got a bit teary-eyed.

He was very proud of himself.  It was precious.

I love my spirited class.  Even though they do exhaust me at times!

Happy Saturday!

I started back to work this week . . . just in time to start parent-teacher conferences.  This is one of the busiest times of the year for teachers.  It was a brutal week to start back during.  I had an amazing long term sub who completed all of my assessments for me, which made my life much easier. She is a retired teacher with many years of experience behind her.  I have mentioned before that my class is “spirited” . . . she believed them to be her biggest challenge yet.  It made me feel a bit better-I was worried it was just me with my gimpy knee thinking they were a challenging group!  I did miss them, and was happy to be back with them.  I do enjoy them, “spiritedness” and all.

I went to the doctor and I am having problems bending my knee.  There might be too much scar tissue in there preventing it from bending.  If it doesn’t improve soon, I will need to go in for a procedure under anesthesia called a knee manipulation. He said he would bend the knee until he heard the scar tissue break.

I shudder at the thought.

I told David that this sounds worse than any of the surgeries to me.  I will find out in a few days if I will be needing this procedure.  I am truly beginning to doubt my knee will ever be normal again.

****

I took the Fab Four to the dentist the other day.  I heard the hygienist begin to scold Handsome Dude on the cleanliness of his teeth.

Hygienist:  How often do you brush your teeth?

HD:  Hmmm . . . once a day?

This caught my attention immediately.  Since forever, our kids have had to brush their teeth every morning and every night.  So, of course, I had to come and join the convo.

Me:  When do you brush your teeth?

HD:  Mostly at night.

Me:  Did you brush your teeth this morning?

HD:  Hmm . . . I forgot.

Great. On dentist day, he doesn’t brush his teeth that morning.  We are an impressive family.  But then, I start to panic.

Is Handsome Dude going to be the child who ruins our no cavity streak?  I pride myself on the fact that I have managed to rear four youngins and have NO CAVITIES to date.

It is the one thing I have succeeded at as a parent.

Are they always responsible?  No!

Do they get along and never fight?  No!

Do they follow directions?  Rarely!

Does anyone get in the shower without having to be asked 14 times?  No!

Does anyone get out of the shower without having to be asked 14 times?  No!

Are we EVER on time?  No!

Do we have proper table manners?  Absolutely not!

Can the boys properly use the toilet without making a mess?  NOPE.

Is our car ever clean?  HA

But have we remained cavity free?  YES.

And that is it.  That is all I’ve got on my parenting resume.

Thankfully, his teeth were just gross.  No cavities.  I was quite relieved.  HD listened intently to the dentist as the dentist mapped out a new dental hygiene plan for him.  He came home and promptly wrote himself a little note to help him remember, and he has been following it ever since.

Perhaps the dentist can help him with the toilet.

Happy Weekend!

I am being spoiled.  Peoples are sending us meals, and they are sending me many fine and delicious pity treats, mostly full of chocolate.  I figure everyone is in on some grandiose plan to get me all good and plump for Christmas.  The only thing saving me is I am experiencing some nausea and stomach pain since surgery, so I am not able to eat much at a time.

I do nothing all day. Literally.  I try to read, but I get dizzy.  I watch TV, but I am often drifting off during the shows.   My biggest accomplishments are showering and putting pants on.  I have recently added mascara and hair -doing to my routine, so I am basically a rockstar. David had to make some changes to his work schedule and he is taking the kids to and fro, leaving me home alone all day.  I do a good job fending for myself, but I am not used to being alone this much.  It’s about 12 hours per day.  David is doing a great job of being me + him.  He has taken on a lot of extra stuff, including laundry.  And I don’t even say anything about him putting all of my clothes in the dryer on extra-high-hot-horrid heat.  Because, oh well.

He is also experiencing the joy that is Little Dude.  Little Dude basically never knows where anything is and he is never really doing what he is supposed to be doing.  Ever.

David:  Where is LD?

Sweet Pea:  Laying on the floor of the shower.

Dear Readers.  You may ask, “Why is the child laying on the floor of the shower?”

The answer is:  We have no idea.  We are waving the white flag of parenthood on this child.  We just don’t know.  We simply are not qualified to parent this child.

David:  LD, go get dressed.

*20 minutes later*

David:  Why are you still in a towel?

LD:  I wish everyone didn’t want to look at my private parts!  It is so frustrating!

Me:  Trust me, we don’t want to look.  If you could please just get underwear on immediately after you shower, we would all appreciate it.

LD:  I AM, MOOOOOM.

David is also completely taking over the bedtime routine, seeing as how I cannot get downstairs to deal with the children.

I truly had to try and sit quietly while David delivered this gem little bit of parental advice:

“It is bedtime.  Everyone will keep their hands to themselves and their PANTS ON.”

I failed.  I had to bury my laughing face in a pillow.

Next week, I will need to start driving the kids to and fro again, but I will not be teaching again quite yet.  This is going to be tricky.  I am having a bit of a rougher recovery than I had anticipated and I am still needing to be on pain meds, but I can’t be on pain meds and drive.  That would be frowned upon for sure.

At this point, it feels like I will never even be able to walk again normally, let alone teach.  I really am just not feeling great.  I am very nauseous and am having some circulation and numbness issues.  I sound old, do I not?

Happy Friday!

Today, I took a shower.

It was a major event and one that I shan’t likely repeat anytime soon.

First of all, my leg must remain straight at all times.  I have an incision on my quad muscle and it cannot come apart.  This makes taking clothes on and off tricky-ish.  David suggested that I wear the brace in the shower, which I felt was a solid plan.  So, Daisy Mae was within yelling distance and David went out to worm and castrate pigs, as all men do on a Sunday.  And I was going to take a shower.

I unwrapped my leg and tried to not faint.  This was my first time seeing the atrocities that happened to my leg.  I will spare you the picture.  Because, the horror.

After much pomp and circumstance, I was able to get in and out of the shower all by myself, but needed David to help me re-wrap the leg.  He came in and said I should probably wait for the leg to air dry a bit.  This sounded reasonable coming from a man who just removed a pig’s ability to procreate.  Surely, he must know a thing or two about life.  David left again, presumably to ruin more pigs’ days, and I was faced with the daunting task of putting fresh underwear on.

Since Thursday, I basically have not moved.  I am maybe burning 4 calories per day.

Maybe.

Putting underwear on is a new workout activity for me, burning no less than 754 calories a minute.

I was slightly successful.

However, when I tried to sit back up, I kinda forgot to not use my quad muscle, and it felt like my entire thigh area ripped in two.

So, then I just sat there.  Crying.  Again, like a champ.  I had to alert Daisy Mae to go and get Farmer Bob from his pig-ventures and come and help me.

He came back in and I told him we had to get the brace back on quickly.

Me:  I sat up and used my muscle and it felt like my incision ripped apart.

David:  It doesn’t look ripped apart.

David does not understand that I am currently not interested in the facts.  I am interested in him feeling badly for me and just letting me have a moment.

And then it was time for pants.

I need to wear large pants so they will fit easily over the brace.  I have already used up both of David’s large pajama pants, so I had to dip into the supply of pajama pants from MY DAD that Ma had sent over.

It was a new low point in my life: me, whimpering like a baby, while my husband, smelling of pig manure, tried to maneuver my dad’s pajamas pants up on me.

Taylor.  Winning.

So, that whole event took me about an hour to recover from.  And then one of my many children came in to ask me for help writing an essay.

Me:  No, I don’t want to write an essay!  I am too groggy from pain medicine.

Child:  Please!

Me:  Oh, man.

Child:  What?

Me:  This just all makes me so sad.

Child:  Why?

Me:  Well, my knee hurts, so that is making me sad.  And the way you spelled double is making me sad.

So, I have been in homework jail for most of the afternoon.  Although, I am pretty sure I am not much help.  Seeing as how I just randomly drift off to sleep.

And that was today.

Sunday’s list of accomplishments: I showered and kind of put underwear on.

Here’s to hoping Monday will be more successful.

I had knee surgery #7 on Thursday.  I am thinking I should have been given a punch card at some point.  One of these is bound to be free at some point, right?  This was my 3rd ACL and it has been much more painful that I had anticipated.

David took me to the surgery on Thursday.  David is weird with doctors and all things medical.  He isn’t really a fan.  It’s hard to explain, but some of you might remember how difficult he was when he had to get his own appendix out.

So, we arrived at the surgery center, and David was helping me tie the gown in the back.  He was taking a long time and made some comment like, “Ok, this is definitely not going to come undone.”  I am a fan of things not coming untied when I would rather they did not, so I didn’t question it.

Meanwhile, our friendly nurse is getting me already to go.  She is going over the anesthesia, and David is asking her what happens if a person doesn’t want anesthesia.  The nurse gives me a funny look and I have to assure her that I have absolutely no problems being put under to have my knee sliced open, thankyouverymuch.

Later on, I ask David if he would refuse anesthesia.

David:  Heck, yes.

Me:  Why?!?

David:  They could do anything to you in there and you wouldn’t even know it.

Me:  Well, I am sure it will be fine and I do not want to be awake while they cut me open.

The nurse finishes up everything she needs to and it comes time for me to go to the operating room.  I say goodbye to David, and they take me back.  They needed to untie the gown in the back so they could place things on my chest.

All I see are male nurses.  Male nurses everywhere.

Male Nurse:  Wow, who tied your gown?

Me:  Um, David.  My husband.

Male Nurse:  Oh, wow.  I have never seen anything like this.

Male Nurse #1 calls Male Nurse #2 over to come and take a look.  Both are baffled.  Neither can untie the gown.

Male Nurse #3 to me:  Ok, hon, we are going to have to cut this gown open.

Male Nurse #3 has to basically hold me to his chest while the other two cut the gown up the sides and a bit down the back.

Male Nurse #1″  Wow.  He really didn’t want you coming out of this thing!

It was embarrassing.

Coming out of surgery was rough.  I know I cried a lot and we stayed there much longer than we thought we would need to.

So, obviously, I took it like a champ.

This was my 3rd ACL and this time they did a quad graft.  I have an incision on the front of my thigh and it is very painful.  I have to keep my leg completely straight for one week so the incision doesn’t come open.  I am uncomfortable and hurting.

I am definitely ready to be done with this chapter.  This knee injury has been dragging on for too long and I have been in bad shape since mid-July.

Here’s to hoping I can walk normally soon!