The Lumberjack's Wife

We had a busy weekend!  The girls went to stay with David’s parents and the boys went to stay with my parents.

ALL weekend.

Darn.

David and I, clearly knowing how to party whilst kid-less, used Saturday to get lots of chores done.  David, being the farm and rancher dude that he now is, left bright and early to get 2,000 pounds of chicken feed.  Because that’s not excessive at all.

We estimate that we are into this chicken biz for about $1,500.  But, have no fear!  We are selling about 7 dozen eggs a week at $2.50 a dozen, so we’re pretty much laughing all the way to the bank.  You cannot deny we are good with our money, no?

After David was done being a rancher for the day, we left to go to our rental house and get it all spiffed up for the summer season of vacation renters.  I find that cleaning the rental is disheartening and loathsome.  I would hire someone to clean it for me, but we have wisely spent all our money on chickens and we simply cannot afford it.  I was hoping to get all my work done, but I probably have another full day there.  David was a rockstar and was able to get all the yard work and touch up painting done.  Then he mocked me for not being a good worker.  So I made him take me to the movies, where we had popcorn for dinner.  Because we are healthy.

On Sunday, David went outside to rip out the entire chicken coop fence and redo it.  We neglected to bury the fence initially and our chickens formed a committee and decided to become free-range without our permission.

Our dogs certainly liked the arrangement.  But having dogs eat your $1,500 net worth chickens is not a good business plan.  So, David redid the fence.

Poor Tank.

He likes him some free-range chicken dinner.

I would like to announce that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah did NOT have to build any fences this past weekend.  Instead, I got to use the excuse that since we were hosting 14 people for lunch, I had some stuff to do inside.

Be amazed at my brilliance.

The people came.  I fed them elk-spaghetti, which might have scarred my mother for life.  Then we all went on a 7 mile bike ride to burn off the cheesy breadsticks I also made so people could fill up on carbs if the elk weirded them out at all.  Which it probably did.

Yes.  I am wearing black socks with sneakers, the fashion slave that I clearly am.  (David and my father-in-law are not pictured.)

In other news, Little Dude got a new bike and learned how to pedal all in one weekend!

My parents got it for him as an early birthday gift while he was with them over the weekend.

The bike is a Jeep, just like PopPop’s and he informed us of this exciting coincidence quite often.

“I have a Jeep like PopPop!  J-E-E-P . . . .jeep!”

He is obsessed with spelling words lately.  And being naked.  He’s oodles of fun!

Happy Monday!

We had nowhere to be last weekend, so David and I decided that we would try and get as much done to our garden as possible.  Our goal was to finish getting the land cleared and tilled.  Our garden is pretty gigantic, so this would be no small feat.  To begin, David and the kids (or, more accurately David and “sometimes” the girls) hauled every bit of rabbit poop they could find to dump into the garden site while I ran the Rototiller.

Yes!  I, Taylor Maliblahblah, ran a piece of farm machinery.  Be impressed.

As I trudged wearily through piles and piles of rabbit poo-poo, I had to wonder what had become of my life.  But sometimes it is best if we not dwell on such things.

We ended up working ueber hard and not only got the entire garden tilled, but we also put up the fence.  Because we are rockstars.  Clearly.

We put on our thinking caps for this fence and decided to dig a trench so we could bury the fence.

Helpful Farm and Ranch Tip:  When building a fence for your chicken coop, be sure to bury your chicken wire.  Otherwise your chickens might declare themselves to “Free-Range” chickens without your approval.

Ask me how I know.

Our garden is a large rectangle.  The long sides are each a bit over 100 feet and the width is somewhere around 30-40 feet.  It is a bit tricky to try and stretch 8ft high wire across 100ft.  But have no fear!  My husband is The Man with a Plan.

Introducing David’s 432nd use for a Winch (not a wench):

Pulling wire tight.

You see the truck way down there?  The winch on the truck is pulling the wire tight so we don’t have to.

David.  So brilliant.  And he was homeschooled.  So soldier on, fellow homeschooling moms.

Soldier on.

So, we pulled the wire tight across the great expanse that is soon to be our garden.

And guess what?  I have never gardened.  Ever.  My husband tends to do things on a grand scale.

My wife wants chickens?  I shall bring her 34 before I even put in a fence.

My wife wants a garden?  I shall make her the largest garden known to man and wish her the best of luck.

My wife doesn’t want rabbits?  Ha.  We shall have 40-130, depending on how amorous the rabbits are feeling on any given month.

I would have to say I reached a low point in my life last weekend.  You see, dear readers, we decided to attach chicken wire to the bottom portion of the fence to keep out the smaller critters.  You know.  Like chickens.  David gave me this job and in order to do it, I had to plop my hiney right into the soil/rabbit poo mixture and attach wire along the fence.

You should have seen my hiney.  It was the final step in my transformation from city girl to hillbilly.

***

Let’s talk about Little Dude.  Oh, he is giving me trouble.  Yes, yes.

He loves him some spaghetti and so I gave him some for lunch.  I turned my back for 0.4 seconds and this is what happened:

Me:  Why is there spaghetti on Tank’s head?

LD:  Cause he like ba-sketti, too, Mom.

The astute reader might notice the boy is not wearing pants.  To that reader I say:

“Have you read this blog?”

Little Dude is also trying to be helpful with the chickens.  He brought in eggs today.

See?

He also couldn’t find his boots, so he wore flip flops and got his toes all dirty.  I bet you can find the boots though, can’t you?  Not so tricky, Little Dude.

Since his grimy hands were full of eggs, he did not think to close the coop door.  This resulted in

The Great Chicken Escape of 2012

I sent Little Dude, the helpful soul that he is, back into the house.  And he went.  But he forgot to close the door and let the dogs out.

The dogs find it to be their duty to slaughter all inferior chickens immediately.  So you can imagine my predicament.

There was a lot of yelling, my friends.  And wing-flapping.  And yelling.  But no chickens died and the dogs remain innocent.

We are, however, launching a new slogan around here.  You know.  To motivate the dogs.

“Chickens are Friends.  Not Food.”

The kids find this to be humorous.  And what is life without humor?  I ask you?

It’s a ridiculously crazy life full of fugitive chickens, broken eggs, and rabbit poo.  One must find something to laugh about.

Thankfully, the girls and I have gotten to be good “Chicken Wranglers.”

And we herded them all back in.

And of course, the chickens will just poke their way through the unburied fence and go on more adventures.

But we get points for trying.

So, as many of you know, we moved out here almost two years ago.  We have spent all our monies on that darn rental and trying to tame our beastly land.  Therefore and henceforth, I have not had the extra money to decorate the inside of the house.

When we moved in, every single wall was painted peach.  Ok, in some lights it looks tan, but usually it looks peach.  I vowed to paint it right away, yet my house is still quite peachy.  Truth is, I’m starting not to care anymore.  Gasp!  Somebody help me! But, anyways . . . the windows in the dining room came with some curtain thingies.

As is evidenced in the picture below:

Here are the girls are on the very first morning in our new home.  Check out the swooshie curtains.  Guess how long it took for the dudes to rip them down?

Go on.  Guess.

Anyways, my windows have sat bare with a rod across the top for months on end.  Because what do I care?  I have 70ish animals to tend to.  But then I saw this pin on The Pinterest for Christmas Ornaments:

(image source and link)

And when I clicked over to the site, which is called Dear Lillie, I found a tutorial for a photo garland as well.

(image source and link)

So, I decided it was meant to be!  I enlisted the help of my trusty sister-in-law, Lisa, for she is all that is crafty in this world and owns a paper cutter.  And one needs a paper cutter for this job.

Ask me how I know.

Anyways Lisa is the bomb.  Remember Lisa?

She likes to pose on the side of the road and point at cows.  For some odd reason.  Anyways, Lisa and I got together and made our own photo garlands.

For an excellent tutorial, you should totes visit the Dear Lillie blog.  But here is basically what I did:

1)  I pinned the idea.

2)  I made the Christmas photo ornaments.  They turned out mediocre at best, due to my lack of a paper cutter and a helper named Lisa.

3)  I thought about the garland for a few months.

4)  I forced Lisa to plan a craft date with me.

5)  I got some prints.

6)  We cut cardstock to fit with a reasonable border around the photos.

7)  We used photo corners.

8)  Lisa bought mini clothespins and I had some twine from Michaels.

And here are our creations.  Please.  Try not to be jealous of my photography skills.  Or skillz.  Whichever you prefer.

Please take note of the empty hummingbird feeder and the bubble wands stashed in the BBQ.  Yes.  Take decorating advice from me.  I apparently know what I am doing.  Who has time to “tidy up” before pictures?  Not I, my friends.  Not I.

I just chose some delightful pictures from over the years.  Again.  Prepare to be amazed at my ability to dazzle with a camera.

Daisy Mae’s kindergarten graduation.

Chubby Little Dude at the beach.  He was most likely snacking on sand.  Which around here is just code for gravel.  FYI.

Handsome Dude fishing.

I attempted to take a close up of the photo corners/twine/clothespins for you:

You’re welcome.

Lisa took a different route with her garland.

She took an old frame and did a whole bunch of stuff to it.  She is a professional furniture restorer, so I just hear:

“Blah, blah, blah, sand, blah, glaze, blah blah, rub, blah.”

And I won’t ever make a frame like it.  For I can’t.

But she did smaller pictures and did smaller garlands in her frame.  Cute, cute!

So, there you have it.  A cheap way to add some pizazz to your home.  And you could even switch out the pictures as needed!  Brilliant!

It really does look quite nice.  I promise.  I’m just a wretched photographer.  But you knew this.

Alright.  A link recap, if you will.

Go to Our Front Door if you would like to add a Pinterest Post or would like to see other bloggers’ Pinterest Posts.

Go to the Dear Lillie Blog to see the tutorial.  Her site is gorgeous and you should check it out anyways.

To check out my Pinterest, click here.

I’ll be posting stuff that I have tried from Pinterest every Tuesday and Thursday in May.  If you have any ideas or suggestions of things to try, email me at thelumberjackswife@gmail.com or leave it in the comments.

Thanks!

Big, fat snowflakes on May the 2nd?

Why not?  We are from the hearty north.

Bring it.

I might have to build a fire.  This is tragic because:

A)  I don’t want to build no fire.

B)  I am not sure if we have kindling.

C)  I am not strong enough to split my own kindling.  Trust me.  I’ve tried.

D)  When I don’t have kindling, I have to go and forage in the woods and find sticks and twigs.

E)  I am not in the mood to forage.  I have a sore throat.

F)  I don’t want to build no fire.

But, alas.  I am freezing.  It’s a quandary.  I will state this:  I am a better fire-starter than The Mister, of this you can be certain.  But he is the kindling splitter, so it all evens out.

And none of that has to do with anything.  So, you’re welcome for that weather update.

Yesterday was going to town day.  And a wretched day it was.  Handsome Dude normally goes to preschool on Tuesdays.  He came home from preschool on Monday with a note saying the next day (Tuesday, May 1st), was “Muffins with Moms and Dads.”

Hello, short notice?

Well, we had some appointments in the big city that is in a completely different locale from the rural town in which he is schooled and I could not cancel them.  The thought of my boy being at school and watching all the other children’s parents feasting on muffins with their young while had was sitting all alone was more than I could bear.  So I did what any decent, responsible mother would do.

I kept him with me.

And wouldn’t you know it, but that boy gave me T-R-O-U-B-L-E the entire day?  It all started when the boys were “playing” downstairs.  They came up with HD’s glasses in two separate pieces, yet no one seemed to have any clue as to how the glasses came to be in this state.

My boys.

Poster Boys for Honesty.

That is an extremely old picture.  And I care not.  If I am too lazy to build a fire, you can be assured that I am too lazy to go and take a picture of my boys right now.

So.  My boy could not wear glasses.  Which is a crying shame because without them, his eyes are crossed.  We had several things to do in the big city, and the visit to the Optical Shop would have to wait.

This was unfortunate on so many levels.  Turns out when my boy can’t see, he turns into Mr. Naughty-Pants.  It was a battle with him all day and I could go on and on with several examples of just how he was pushing my buttons, but in the interest of keeping this post somewhat short, let’s just say if I told him to do something, he would do the complete opposite.

Our final stop before getting his glasses fixed was Walmart.  I know you are going to think that I am super cruel for not going to get glasses fixed before Walmart, but Walmart is in a different town than the Optical Shop and the girls’ had piano lessons, so I go to Walmart while they are at lessons.  Clear as mud?

Good.

Handsome Dude had already pushed all of my buttons and then some.  When we were in line to pay, he wanted to put the items from the cart onto the line.  I told him to wait.  He tried to anyways.  I told him no.  He tried again.  I told him no.

Yet, he did it anyways.  And I didn’t catch it this time, but he managed to dump the entire bag of apples all over the floor.

The floor of the Walmarts.

I started off with six apples.  I only found four.

He also managed to put a hole into the bag, so I had no bag to put the apples in. So there they sat, all exposed-like on the bottom of the, what we can presume to be, germ-infested cart.

Yes.  The cart.  From the Walmarts.

I had to wait until I got up to the cashier to ask for a new bag.  He gives me one and I am thoroughly grossed out by these apples at this point in time.  No offense to Mr. Cashier, but he looks a bit shady to me, so I am even more grossed out when he reaches in to the bag, takes out an apple with his bare hands, and scans it.

So basically, I bought apples just to throw them away.  Because you just can’t recover from that folks.  You just can’t.

So, I was in a mood by the time I got to the Optical Place.  And if anyone has the right to be annoyed at me, it is these people.  These people, whom we visit on a weekly basis, go to great lengths to ensure my son can see.  I was so emotionally fragile at this point in the day, (you know, because I had to wonder why on earth God decided I could be a parent?) and I was certain that if I got the criticism I deserved for the state of the glasses, my eyes would become a well-spring of tears.

But, no.  They were kind, as usual.  They put all sorts of temporary stuff on the glasses to hold them together so the boy could see and *hopefully* stop causing me such distress in life.

Apples!  Ahh!

While we were there, the man fixing the glasses-Bob, my bff, informed me that I should get Rec Specs for HD.  Because, guess what?  We have another appointment on Friday at the doctor and the doctor said his prescription will most likely change.

New Prescription=New Glasses

New Glasses=Lots of Money

The Rec Specs are not handsome.  My son will, most assuredly, look like a space man.  But apparently, they do not break.  Ever.

So, I am trying to get over myself and come to grips that my boy probably needs to look like a space man until he goes to college and can buy his own eye wear.

So, dear readers.

1)  Tell me its ok for the boy to look like a Star Wars character.

2)  Fun Fact:  I have never seen Star Wars.  Have you?

3)  Can you split kindling?

4)  Is it snowing in your neck of the woods?

5)  Would you eat them apples?

Happy Wednesday.

Special thanks again to Kimberly for making this badge for me back in the day!

Wow!  There were a lot of you that said you were up for joining me on this funky adventure!  This will be fun.  Or fun-ish.  Or horrific.  Only time will tell.

I am going to use Fat Tuesdays as accountability.  I am terrible at sticking to something and following through.  Therefore, I never see results on anything and I just give up.  So, I figure if I try to commit to something for the entire month of May, I am sure to see some sort of result?  One can only hope.

I would like to lose a few pounds, but that is not my biggest worry.  I am not very fit, and would like to be in better shape.  I am also desiring to make healthier meals for my family. 

So, I am going to use the month of May to meet the following goals:
1)  Follow Weight Watchers.  I don’t plan on doing this forever, but I would like to do this to jump start things.

Fun Fact:  My mother has lost somewhere around 55 pounds via the Weight Watchers and has kept it off for two years.  She was even offered a job with them.

Funner Fact:  I feign to be on Weight Watchers and lose 2 pounds/gain 2 pounds for all eternity.  No one has offered me a job in about 10 years.

2)  Actually record what I eat in Weight Watchers.  Turns out Weight Watchers only works if you follow the plan!  Who knew?!

3)  Do some sort of exercise for 30 minutes 5 days a week.  This will be hard for me to accomplish with homeschooling and all the farm and ranch chores we got going on.  Plus I hate exercising.  It will be a HUGE BUMMER.  It will be DEVASTATING.  It will be BORING.  It will be SWEATY.  Yet, I shall press on.

4)  Come up with a good list of healthy dinners my family enjoys.   I will use this month to experiment with new recipes and maybe even tweak some of our favorites.

So, there you have it!  An inspiring fitness post if there ever was one!  I am going to weigh in on Tuesday mornings.  I will NOT be telling you how much I weigh, as much as I like you all.  I shall also be measuring my tummy to see if anything is disappearing down there.  It probably won’t.  But here’s to hoping!

If you would like to join in, you can “check in” in the comments section below.  If you have any healthy recipes or tips, or would like to check in via your blog, just share the link in the comments section.

Thanks!