The Lumberjack's Wife

I would like to show you all a picture of my son.  This is his joy, his happiness.  And he does this day and night.

He combines his two loves: cars and trains, and makes a “car-train.”  It brings him much jubilation.  Except when a sibling accidentally bumps the precious car-train.  Then Little Dude’s car-train brings him wrath and fury.  But, I digress.

I trust you all had a nice weekend, no?  Yes?  What with it being Mother’s Day and all?  We have a sick Handsome Dude over here, so that has been worrisome for me.

On Saturday, the girls and I went to town to attend a tea party at the library.

Sweet Pea, and her plus one.

Daisy Mae, and her plus one.  And my use of the phrase “plus one” should in no way be interpreted as me forgetting the factual names of the beloved dolls.

We joined some friends for the tea party and had a divine time.  There was a special speaker and she told us that in times before cameras, people would pay artists to have their portraits painted.  Since hands and feet are the hardest parts of the body to paint, the artist would charge more money, depending on how many limbs you wanted included.  And this is where the phrase “That cost me an arm and a leg” originated from.

Bam!  And don’t say I never taught you nothing.

After the party with tea, we stopped by our rental to do some cleaning.  Because we certainly know how to have a good time.  This put me in a foul mood as I found more stained bedding and damaged furniture.  Because we love hemorrhaging money, didn’t you know?  So, we left before my head started spinning all crazy-like.  I almost stopped for a Moose Tracks ice cream in a waffle cone, but I showed restraint.  Be inspired.

When I arrived at ye’ olde homestead, I discovered that my husband got 90% of the garden planted in my absence.

He planted SEVEN rows of corn and SIX rows of green beans.  He left no room for the pumpkins, watermelons, cantaloupe, cucumbers, and zucchini.  And just like that, we already outgrew our 100 foot by 40 foot garden.

Bummer.

Sunday was Mother’s Day.  I received a new curling iron, of which I am sure will solve all my hair problems and I shall be the hair envy of all Ruralville.  Or something like that.  I also received a Macy’s giftcard that will probably take me one full year to redeem because, and this might surprise you, I don’t get to the mall.  Ever.

We loaded up our offspring and headed into town.  First stop, and you might want to sit down for this, was the rental.  Because we just can’t get enough of that blessed place.  Then we went to my sis-in-law, Lisa’s, house for a lovely Mother’s Day lunch with David’s side of the family.  After that, we went to my mother’s house where Handsome Dude took a turn for the worse.  David and I left the other three with my parents (Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!) and took Handsome Dude to the doctor. The doctor walked into the room, said HD’s name, and said,

“Oh!  I am in the wrong room!”

Then he got really confused and checked paper work a few times.  He checked the room number and looked again at our 5 year old son.

He confirmed HD’s name and we all had a chuckle when he informed us that the receptionist had gotten the boy’s name right, but had recorded that he was a 19 year old female.

Of which he is not.

The doctor said it was one of two things:

Strep throat or Appendicitis.

I was feeling like a giant loser for not knowing my son’s appendix burst.  Mother’s should know such things, you now?  Its in our code of honor.  But, my honor was quickly restored when the strep test came back positive.

Redemption!

So, we went back to collect the others and then, and this might surprise you, we stopped by the rental.

Because we just love that place.  And it is costing us an arm and a leg.

(Did you see what I did just there?)

Did you do anything special this weekend?

Happy Monday!

David and I were almost asleep a few nights ago when Handsome Dude came into our room, crying of a tummy ache.  I let him into our bed and we started to snuggle.  HD fell asleep right away and I remember falling asleep, thanking God for my sweet boy who was growing up way too fast.

There is a moment, dear readers, when you start to fall asleep and it is pure bliss.  Do you know this moment?  You know . . . that perfect time when you are all comfortable and cozy?  Well, it was at this precise moment that Handsome Dude threw up all over me.

And I mean ALL over me.  It was in my hair.  On my face.  On my neck.  On my shirt.  On my pillow.  On my bed.  It was the most disgusting moment of my life.

And have you read my blog?  That’s saying a lot.

So, David and I got up and started the detoxification process.  HD was upset and I was helping him into the shower.  He looked at me, covered in his vomit and said,

“Mom.  I got a wittle frow up on you.  Sorry.”

We finally got back into bed and, of course, I could not sleep.  I didn’t want to disturb anyone, so I grabbed my phone to do a little reading.  I saw a link to an article called How to Miss a Childhood on Facebook.

I was in no mood to be convicted, so I decided I would not read it.  Isn’t that awful?  But then, when sleep still would not come, I decided to read it.  And it convicted me.

I think all of you should read it, but if you don’t, it is basically challenging parents to think about all the things that take away their attention and focus during the day.  This article focuses on phones a lot, but there are many other things in life that can take your attention away from your child.

Facebook

Blogs (which is ironic, since I am writing this on a blog.  ha!)

Emails

TV

Phone calls

Texts

Games

Maybe even chores and other household stresses?

There are days when my husband gets home late.  Since we live a bit away from life, I can get pretty lonely.  I am thankful for the opportunity to connect with others online or visit with a friend through texting.  But, I do need to be careful of how often and when I do these things.

The author of the article stated that you should consider not even checking your phone for texts and emails and stoplights.  Well, I do this and never thought it was a big deal.  But, yesterday, which was “Going To Town Day,” I decided to really limit my distractions and how much time I looked at my phone.

It was pretty tough.  I ain’t gonna lie.

We arrived at the library to return some books.  Daisy Mae asked if she could take the books to the book drop.  And I said,

“Yes!”

Because then I could check my phone!  Brilliant!

But, I remembered my “challenge” and put the phone back and looked at Daisy Mae.  At that moment, she looked right at me to see if I was watching her.

I gave her a thumbs up sign and she in turn gave me a huge grin.

She was pretty proud of herself.  And I can’t blame her.  Putting books in a drop box is quite the accomplishment.

I realized that if I had been on my phone, my daughter, who was looking for my approval, would have looked at a mom who was staring at her phone.  She might not have noticed that she did not get a thumbs up sign, but she would see that her mom was, once again, distracted with things that aren’t really worthy of so much time.

I am now thankful that Handsome Dude threw up all over me.  If he had not, I would not have showered and woke myself all up.  If I was not awake, I would not have read that article.

If I had not read that article, I would not have been convicted.  And although being convicted is never all fun and giggles, it is a big blessing.  Because it offers you a chance to change things that you don’t like.

So go read that article.  I hope you find it encouraging.

We had a busy weekend!  The girls went to stay with David’s parents and the boys went to stay with my parents.

ALL weekend.

Darn.

David and I, clearly knowing how to party whilst kid-less, used Saturday to get lots of chores done.  David, being the farm and rancher dude that he now is, left bright and early to get 2,000 pounds of chicken feed.  Because that’s not excessive at all.

We estimate that we are into this chicken biz for about $1,500.  But, have no fear!  We are selling about 7 dozen eggs a week at $2.50 a dozen, so we’re pretty much laughing all the way to the bank.  You cannot deny we are good with our money, no?

After David was done being a rancher for the day, we left to go to our rental house and get it all spiffed up for the summer season of vacation renters.  I find that cleaning the rental is disheartening and loathsome.  I would hire someone to clean it for me, but we have wisely spent all our money on chickens and we simply cannot afford it.  I was hoping to get all my work done, but I probably have another full day there.  David was a rockstar and was able to get all the yard work and touch up painting done.  Then he mocked me for not being a good worker.  So I made him take me to the movies, where we had popcorn for dinner.  Because we are healthy.

On Sunday, David went outside to rip out the entire chicken coop fence and redo it.  We neglected to bury the fence initially and our chickens formed a committee and decided to become free-range without our permission.

Our dogs certainly liked the arrangement.  But having dogs eat your $1,500 net worth chickens is not a good business plan.  So, David redid the fence.

Poor Tank.

He likes him some free-range chicken dinner.

I would like to announce that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah did NOT have to build any fences this past weekend.  Instead, I got to use the excuse that since we were hosting 14 people for lunch, I had some stuff to do inside.

Be amazed at my brilliance.

The people came.  I fed them elk-spaghetti, which might have scarred my mother for life.  Then we all went on a 7 mile bike ride to burn off the cheesy breadsticks I also made so people could fill up on carbs if the elk weirded them out at all.  Which it probably did.

Yes.  I am wearing black socks with sneakers, the fashion slave that I clearly am.  (David and my father-in-law are not pictured.)

In other news, Little Dude got a new bike and learned how to pedal all in one weekend!

My parents got it for him as an early birthday gift while he was with them over the weekend.

The bike is a Jeep, just like PopPop’s and he informed us of this exciting coincidence quite often.

“I have a Jeep like PopPop!  J-E-E-P . . . .jeep!”

He is obsessed with spelling words lately.  And being naked.  He’s oodles of fun!

Happy Monday!

We had nowhere to be last weekend, so David and I decided that we would try and get as much done to our garden as possible.  Our goal was to finish getting the land cleared and tilled.  Our garden is pretty gigantic, so this would be no small feat.  To begin, David and the kids (or, more accurately David and “sometimes” the girls) hauled every bit of rabbit poop they could find to dump into the garden site while I ran the Rototiller.

Yes!  I, Taylor Maliblahblah, ran a piece of farm machinery.  Be impressed.

As I trudged wearily through piles and piles of rabbit poo-poo, I had to wonder what had become of my life.  But sometimes it is best if we not dwell on such things.

We ended up working ueber hard and not only got the entire garden tilled, but we also put up the fence.  Because we are rockstars.  Clearly.

We put on our thinking caps for this fence and decided to dig a trench so we could bury the fence.

Helpful Farm and Ranch Tip:  When building a fence for your chicken coop, be sure to bury your chicken wire.  Otherwise your chickens might declare themselves to “Free-Range” chickens without your approval.

Ask me how I know.

Our garden is a large rectangle.  The long sides are each a bit over 100 feet and the width is somewhere around 30-40 feet.  It is a bit tricky to try and stretch 8ft high wire across 100ft.  But have no fear!  My husband is The Man with a Plan.

Introducing David’s 432nd use for a Winch (not a wench):

Pulling wire tight.

You see the truck way down there?  The winch on the truck is pulling the wire tight so we don’t have to.

David.  So brilliant.  And he was homeschooled.  So soldier on, fellow homeschooling moms.

Soldier on.

So, we pulled the wire tight across the great expanse that is soon to be our garden.

And guess what?  I have never gardened.  Ever.  My husband tends to do things on a grand scale.

My wife wants chickens?  I shall bring her 34 before I even put in a fence.

My wife wants a garden?  I shall make her the largest garden known to man and wish her the best of luck.

My wife doesn’t want rabbits?  Ha.  We shall have 40-130, depending on how amorous the rabbits are feeling on any given month.

I would have to say I reached a low point in my life last weekend.  You see, dear readers, we decided to attach chicken wire to the bottom portion of the fence to keep out the smaller critters.  You know.  Like chickens.  David gave me this job and in order to do it, I had to plop my hiney right into the soil/rabbit poo mixture and attach wire along the fence.

You should have seen my hiney.  It was the final step in my transformation from city girl to hillbilly.

***

Let’s talk about Little Dude.  Oh, he is giving me trouble.  Yes, yes.

He loves him some spaghetti and so I gave him some for lunch.  I turned my back for 0.4 seconds and this is what happened:

Me:  Why is there spaghetti on Tank’s head?

LD:  Cause he like ba-sketti, too, Mom.

The astute reader might notice the boy is not wearing pants.  To that reader I say:

“Have you read this blog?”

Little Dude is also trying to be helpful with the chickens.  He brought in eggs today.

See?

He also couldn’t find his boots, so he wore flip flops and got his toes all dirty.  I bet you can find the boots though, can’t you?  Not so tricky, Little Dude.

Since his grimy hands were full of eggs, he did not think to close the coop door.  This resulted in

The Great Chicken Escape of 2012

I sent Little Dude, the helpful soul that he is, back into the house.  And he went.  But he forgot to close the door and let the dogs out.

The dogs find it to be their duty to slaughter all inferior chickens immediately.  So you can imagine my predicament.

There was a lot of yelling, my friends.  And wing-flapping.  And yelling.  But no chickens died and the dogs remain innocent.

We are, however, launching a new slogan around here.  You know.  To motivate the dogs.

“Chickens are Friends.  Not Food.”

The kids find this to be humorous.  And what is life without humor?  I ask you?

It’s a ridiculously crazy life full of fugitive chickens, broken eggs, and rabbit poo.  One must find something to laugh about.

Thankfully, the girls and I have gotten to be good “Chicken Wranglers.”

And we herded them all back in.

And of course, the chickens will just poke their way through the unburied fence and go on more adventures.

But we get points for trying.

So, as many of you know, we moved out here almost two years ago.  We have spent all our monies on that darn rental and trying to tame our beastly land.  Therefore and henceforth, I have not had the extra money to decorate the inside of the house.

When we moved in, every single wall was painted peach.  Ok, in some lights it looks tan, but usually it looks peach.  I vowed to paint it right away, yet my house is still quite peachy.  Truth is, I’m starting not to care anymore.  Gasp!  Somebody help me! But, anyways . . . the windows in the dining room came with some curtain thingies.

As is evidenced in the picture below:

Here are the girls are on the very first morning in our new home.  Check out the swooshie curtains.  Guess how long it took for the dudes to rip them down?

Go on.  Guess.

Anyways, my windows have sat bare with a rod across the top for months on end.  Because what do I care?  I have 70ish animals to tend to.  But then I saw this pin on The Pinterest for Christmas Ornaments:

(image source and link)

And when I clicked over to the site, which is called Dear Lillie, I found a tutorial for a photo garland as well.

(image source and link)

So, I decided it was meant to be!  I enlisted the help of my trusty sister-in-law, Lisa, for she is all that is crafty in this world and owns a paper cutter.  And one needs a paper cutter for this job.

Ask me how I know.

Anyways Lisa is the bomb.  Remember Lisa?

She likes to pose on the side of the road and point at cows.  For some odd reason.  Anyways, Lisa and I got together and made our own photo garlands.

For an excellent tutorial, you should totes visit the Dear Lillie blog.  But here is basically what I did:

1)  I pinned the idea.

2)  I made the Christmas photo ornaments.  They turned out mediocre at best, due to my lack of a paper cutter and a helper named Lisa.

3)  I thought about the garland for a few months.

4)  I forced Lisa to plan a craft date with me.

5)  I got some prints.

6)  We cut cardstock to fit with a reasonable border around the photos.

7)  We used photo corners.

8)  Lisa bought mini clothespins and I had some twine from Michaels.

And here are our creations.  Please.  Try not to be jealous of my photography skills.  Or skillz.  Whichever you prefer.

Please take note of the empty hummingbird feeder and the bubble wands stashed in the BBQ.  Yes.  Take decorating advice from me.  I apparently know what I am doing.  Who has time to “tidy up” before pictures?  Not I, my friends.  Not I.

I just chose some delightful pictures from over the years.  Again.  Prepare to be amazed at my ability to dazzle with a camera.

Daisy Mae’s kindergarten graduation.

Chubby Little Dude at the beach.  He was most likely snacking on sand.  Which around here is just code for gravel.  FYI.

Handsome Dude fishing.

I attempted to take a close up of the photo corners/twine/clothespins for you:

You’re welcome.

Lisa took a different route with her garland.

She took an old frame and did a whole bunch of stuff to it.  She is a professional furniture restorer, so I just hear:

“Blah, blah, blah, sand, blah, glaze, blah blah, rub, blah.”

And I won’t ever make a frame like it.  For I can’t.

But she did smaller pictures and did smaller garlands in her frame.  Cute, cute!

So, there you have it.  A cheap way to add some pizazz to your home.  And you could even switch out the pictures as needed!  Brilliant!

It really does look quite nice.  I promise.  I’m just a wretched photographer.  But you knew this.

Alright.  A link recap, if you will.

Go to Our Front Door if you would like to add a Pinterest Post or would like to see other bloggers’ Pinterest Posts.

Go to the Dear Lillie Blog to see the tutorial.  Her site is gorgeous and you should check it out anyways.

To check out my Pinterest, click here.

I’ll be posting stuff that I have tried from Pinterest every Tuesday and Thursday in May.  If you have any ideas or suggestions of things to try, email me at thelumberjackswife@gmail.com or leave it in the comments.

Thanks!