The Lumberjack's Wife

It is 11:08pm.  I should not be up.  However, I just watched a riveting episode of The Waltons and now I am wide awake!

Fun Fact:  I have never seen The Waltons before.

Funner Fact:  I kinda liked it.  I am 30 now, you know?  It is to be expected.

My husband fell asleep on the couch during the aforementioned television program.  Does this surprise us?  No.  No, it does not.  So, I finished the show and came downstairs.  Next, I bemoaned the state of the kitchen.

I am pretty sure I cleaned the kitchen 8 times today.  So why does it look like a tornado hit it?  Pray tell?

Oh, yes.  That’s right. I have children.

Let us discuss the children, shall we?

1)  The dudes.  The dudes decided to “help Mommy” and went and loaded the wood box.  I was doing school with the girls (shocking, I know), and Handsome Dude came running upstairs.

“Mom!  Come here!  You have to look at the wood!  It’s wee big!”

It was big.  Wee, in fact.  I asked them to show me their muscles for a picture, and they obliged.  And yes, Little Dude has his boots on the wrong feet, thank you for noticing.

Handsome Dude:  Did we do dood?

Me:  Yes!  But next time, if it starts to hit the window, just stop.  You’ve got enough.

Handsome Dude:  MMMMMOOOOOOOMMMMM!  I have a dood idea!  It can be the JOB for TRILLDREN!

Me:  Sounds dood.

Dood=good.  Trilldren=children.

Please.  Try to keep up.

2)  I asked the boys to clean up their mess.  It is something I randomly say, because, rest assured, at any given point in the day, there is bound to be a mess caused by the dudes.

They decided to clean up the loft and, being the overachievers that they clearly are today, also decided to wash their cars.

Which was fantastic of them.  And they barely got any water all over the counters.  And I love them.

3)  We have had an incredible winter here in these parts.  Very mild and warm-ish.  So, we decided to walk to meet Handsome Dude’s bus.

I know this is so way confusing for everyone, but, yes, I do homeschool, but HD goes to preschool.  The plan is to homeschool him next year for kindergarten.  Rest assured, I will lose my mind next year and no longer have time to blog, exercise, think, or shower.  FYI.

The bus decided to come early and I could hear the “beep beep beep” of the bus backing up to where I am supposed to be waiting in my car.  I was still at least 1/4 mile away.  Which is far when you are walking with Little Dude.  So, I told the girls to wait on the side of the road with him while I RAN to meet the bus.

Do you know how long it has been since I ran?

I am sure the bus driver was impressed with me, late and not able to speak.  The teacher, who rides the bus with the kids, asked me if I saw the “giant creature.”

Me, still unable to talk:  Huh?

Teacher:  Oh!  I just saw something big, like a moose or something walk down your way!

If I was able to speak, I would have told them I was wee scared and asked them for a lift home.  I might have even picked up the three other kids I left on the side of the road with the phantom moose.  Because I am a caring parent like that.

But, alas.  I am out of shape and did have to run, for like two full minutes, without stopping, so I just had to smile and wave and hope for the best.

My other three children were obediently standing on the side of the road, visiting the cows.  As they are wont to do.  We headed back and the older three ran ahead and I was stuck with Little Dude.

Little Dude has many questions.  Bless his heart.

We talked about . . . snow and grass and where is the grass and why did I made him wear his boots if he wasn’t “a-pposed” to walk in the snow and look at the “ribbers” and he knows the “ribbers” aren’t really “ribbers” they are just snow-rain and look at the horses!  they like to play in the “ribbers” and do they drink the snow-rain, Mom because that’s wacky and why is the moon out because it is not dark time?

Then my boy looked up at the moon and shouted:  Go way!  Come back when its dark, K?

So, I finally got him inside and pretended not to notice him bringing his precious stick from the walk inside.

He can add it to the pile.

Later, Dudes.

Ok, I’m sure you have all been waiting with bated breath to hear how the cauliflower mash went.

It was not so good.

Perhaps I did it wrong?  I cannot be certain.  I mashed about 8 potatoes with a head of cauliflower.  It was kind of gummy and strange texture, but the taste was ok.  Nobody complained (an amazing feat if there ever were one), but no one ate very much.  Little Dude however ate about 4 billion of the elk meatballs.  So feel free to ask me for that recipe.  If you are so inclined.

Sweet Pea, the homeschooled basketball player, had a game this weekend.  Let us all take a moment to admire Sweet Pea and her “can-do” spirit, seeing as how she is the only child on this team who does not go to the same school.

Holla, Sweet Pea!

She is extremely aggressive and has been known to guard her opponent even while she is on offense.  Her team was down about 9 points, which is about a million in third grade terms.  However, they had a comeback and ended up winning!  Sweet Pea even made a basket!

Holla, Sweet Pea!

My parents came over for lunch.  My mother has oft been asking me to help her with The Pinterest, as confusing as it is.

Mom:  Did you see the chicken on Pinterest?  The one in the bikini?

Me:  No.  Did you pin it?

Mom:  Pinterest won’t let me pin anything.

Me:  Are you logged in?

Mom:  I think so.  But when I try to pin, it just shows me a bunch of numbers.  So I can’t do it.

Me:  Well, I’m following you on Pinterest and I never see you pinning anything, so you probably just aren’t logged in.

Mom:  I don’t want to log in.

Me:  But then you can’t pin anything.

Mom:  But I can’t pin anything.  It just shows numbers.

Me:  But you can’t pin unless you are logged in.

Mom:  But I don’t want to.

And thus, it goes on.

So, since she was over at my house, I decided to nip this Pinterest issue in the bud.  I get her all logged in and I must inform you all that she did, in fact, remember her password.

I KNOW!

Me:  Mom, you have like two pins.

Mom:  How do you know?

Me:  These are you boards.

Mom: I don’t like them.  And I never pinned that.

Me:  Ok.  Look!  You have 16 followers!

Mom:  I know!  People have been telling me they are following me!

Me:  So, let’s pin something.

My mom chooses something and goes to click on “repin.”  As the mouse is hovering over the “repin” button, the number of the pin appears.

Mom:  See!  It’s crazy!  Just a bunch of numbers!

Throwing all caution to the wind, I carelessly ignored the mysterious numbers and clicked on “repin” anyways.  And gosh darn it, it worked.

Mom:  Oh.  Ok.  So let’s  find the chicken in a bikini.

I leave to go do something exciting like dishes and whatnot, and my mom and girls decide to find this chicken.  My mother types “bikini chicken” in the search bar and, much to her surprise,  turns up oodles of scantily women in bikinis.

Sweet Pea:  I’m not sure this is appropriate for us.

So, mom keeps searching and searching for this elusive bikini chicken.  Of course, it is my fault she can’t find it because I forced her to log in.

Mom:  I don’t like your way of doing Pinterest.  I like the world wide web version.

I know.  She doesn’t make any sense.  But we just let her be.  Don’t want to crush her spirit, you know?

After about 30 minutes of searching, I open a new window and just google it.  Would you like to see this exciting chicken picture that we had to drop everything and find?  You know you do.

That’s my mom for you.

So, mother leaves and early the next morning, I get a phone call.

Mom:  I want to go back to the old way of Pinterest!

Me:  Why?

Mom:  All the pictures are smaller!  The World Wide Web version shows bigger pictures.

Me:  Mom.  Are you looking at your boards?

Me:  Because those are thumbnails.  You need to get out of that to see the bigger pictures.

Mom:  I don’t know.  I’m probably just going to log out.

Well.  She must have figured something out, because later that day I saw a pin from my mother!

True.  It was a picture of a backyard pinned to “Books Worth Reading.”

But, STILL!  Progress!

Alright.  I was supposed to be in the shower a half hour ago.  Later dudes!

PS-If you are not a Pinterest-type person this post made no sense to you.  I am sorry for wasting your time.

Baby Steps.

I am making mashed cauliflower and sticking it into decent mashed potatoes tonight.  For health reasons.  Of course.

Says the girl who can’t lose weight.  Ever.

I am debating as to whether or not I should inform the family of this farce of mine?  Probably not.

I’m also making ELK MEATBALLS.

Says the girls who won’t eat elk.

My husband is taking FOREVER and a day to get home from work.  It’s kind of inconvenient for me.  I am really quite lonely out here all by my lonesome, so I shall blog, even though I have not one thing to say.  Unless you count the whole intro on cauliflower.  As exciting as it was.

Little Dude.  He’s something else these days.  He is quite obsessive with the alphabet.  So, for kicks and grins today, we “played” ABC’s.

He’s actually blending some cvc words.  Oh, and yes, you should be impressed at my usage of “cvc” right there.

He does pretty good.  His accuracy rate is about 50%.  So he’s probably just guessing.  But let me have my moment.  It’s the only thing I have to be proud of.  Other than my previous usage of “cvc” and my soon-to-be epic cauliflower mash.

The astute reader might notice that the boy is without shirt.

Tis true.  I took it away from him.  He is constantly chewing on his clothes.  Like way really bad and ruining them.  So, he can’t have them anymore.  Yes.  Brilliant parenting on my part, no?  But what can you do?  You can’t allow your child to eat his clothing, can you?  That’s crazy talk.

Little Dude tried to take a swipe at Handsome Dude’s glasses today.  Therefore and henceforth, I gave him a bag and told him to pack up his beloved “ABC’s.”

He took it well, don’t you think?  He has some killer molars.  That reminds me.  I am supposed to call the dentist.  For like two months now.

Everyday I wake up and say to myself:

“Teller.  You must call the dentist.  This is the day!  Do not forget!  Your teeth might fall out!”

And everyday, I fail myself.  I have some sort of strange receding gum line condition and the dentist has warned me that if I do not get it fixed, I might lose teeth.  Which would be inconvenient, for sure.  But it is really inconvenient for me to make a phone call, you know?  Plus I am living in fear of the upcoming ER bill from HD’s little accident.  I might have to pick between losing my house and losing my teeth.

Well.  It is 6pm and I STILL have not gotten the “call.”  You know.  The call that let’s me know my dashing Lumberjack is on his way home?

Once I get the call, I shall have an hour before he gets here.  This is good, because it shall give me time to hide all evidence of the horrors that shall be happening to the cauliflower.

But I am sooo lonely.  I even texted Bimlissa and told her I wanted a baby . . . just to see if she would text/talk to me.

No response.

Maybe I will text her and tell her I am moving to Tennessee.

Says the girl who is in dire need of attention.

Later, dudes.

Pop Quiz Hot Shots:

What is the most terrifying happenstance known to man?

That.

That is the most terrifying happenstance known to man.  You see, dear readers, that would be the work of one Little Dude.  Little Dude was left unattended in the bathroom and did who-knows-what to the toothbrushes owned by:

A) Himself

B) Handsome Dude

C) Daisy Mae

D) David

Little Dude is gross, there’s no denying it.  You should see what he does to the toilets.  Gives me the peepee shivers.  You do NOT want him touching, licking, or sniffing your toothbrush, not do you want him scrubbing the sink with your toothbrush.  Trust me.  Luckily my toothbrush is in a secret hiding place.  Because I am smart.  And have sat on many a soiled toilet seat and no longer trust the boy with anything in the hygiene department.

I trust you all had a good weekend, no?  I got many a freezer meal prepped.  My ma-in-law asked for freezer meals for Christmas and I am lovingly preparing many of them for her, chock full of elk and everything.  Because my in-laws aren’t, you know, subject to compulsive vomiting at the thought of elk like most people.

If anything they are impressed with the thought of elk.

?

Who are these people, these peoples I married into?  I ask you?

We also went sledding this weekend.  We have no sledding hills on our lands, mind you, so we had to trespass onto our neighbor’s fields.  His name is Buzz and he seems pretty “cas” about such things.  Lest any of you are confused, “cas” is short for “casual.”

Please.  Try to keep up.

We gave Buzz several packs of frozen elk for his family to sup on.  Buzz, like my in-laws, seemed excited to receive such a blessing.  I guess it is appropriate that he is now my neighbor, no?  And yes, my boys think he is Buzz Lightyear.  So he is the coolest neighbor ever.

In order to complete the “Tresspass Sledding Adventure” we had to all fit onto one 4 wheeler and pull a sled with a rope attached to said 4 wheeler.

My dad is totally “stern-talking” to the computer right now, wondering why on earth his daughter is allowing his grandchildren to be on or around a 4 wheeler.  I am, most assuredly,  in trouble.

Well, I insisted on driving the 4 wheeler, of which my boys call “The Four Whee Ride!”, to ensure that reasonable speeds would be maintained.  David kept yelling at me to go faster, but I maintained my speed of 5 miles an hour, much to his chagrin.

Yes!  Our family of 6 went traipsing down the road on a sled pulled by a Four Whee Ride!  We are those people now.

We made it safe and sound and the sledding fun began.

The girls and Handsome Dude.

David and Little Dude.

After the sledding adventure, we rushed home to pretend clean our house and had friends over for dinner.

Yes.  We have friends.  Why do you ask?

During the dinner, Little Dude met his first “best friend.”  He would not leave “best friend’s” side and had to be reminded numerous times to:

“Stop kissing your friend and eat your dinner!”

Yes.  My boy would not stop kissing their boy.  I’m sure they’ll come back over.

Shockingly, Handsome Dude angered Little Dude and Little Dude bent the life out of Handsome Dude’s glasses.

I think I may have finally figured out the appropriate punishment for the glasses breaking.

Take away the fridge ABC’s.

Little Dude plays with these ABC’s on the fridge all the time.  So, I gave him a bag and told him to pack them up.

Oh, for the wailing and weeping and gnashing of teeth!

SCORE!

And, finally, we went to our homeschool co-op today.  During co-op, I never see my girls, the social butterflies that they clearly are.  But I always, always, have lunch with my boys.  For we are bff, you know?

Well, Handsome Dude was trying to have a little convo with me.  The gal sitting next to me and I could not stop laughing.  Because it is totally cool to laugh at your kid, didn’t you know?  But he seriously makes it difficult to carry on a conversation with.

HD:  Mom!  MOM!  I’m going to see my best friend.  I’ll be back.

He runs off for about four seconds.

HD:  Mom!  I saw Elijah, but he cannot play.  He needs to eat his lunch.  His girl said.

Lest any of you are confused, “his girl” would be Elijah’s mom.

Me:  You need to finish your lunch, too.

HD:  I AM.

Me:  Calm down.  Finish your food.

HD:  Mom!  I want to play with my brudder.

I look at Little Dude.  He has pudding all over his face.  But what else is new?

Me:  Well.  He’s eating.

HD:  No!  Not Cokey-da-bear!

Cokey-da-bear is his brother.  Duh.

HD:  My udder brudder.

Me:  Who?

HD:  My best friend.  You know?  My guy!

Me:  Elijah?

HD:  Elijah?  I not know who Elijah is?  No!  My friend!

Me:  I thought your friend was Elijah?

HD:  Who’s Elijah?

Me:  Eat your lunch.

HD:  It’s ok.  I think my friend died anyways.

?

You will all be happy to know that HD introduced me to his best friend later on.

His name was James.

Goodnight.

So.

Anyone want to come over for a BBQ?

Ha.  Yes.  That was lame, but this is what you have come to expect from me, is it not?  All the southerners are baffled because:

A)  They don’t see Barbecue

B)  They are wondering why I am showing a picture of an outdoor grill.

Do y’all recall my convo with a Tennessean in regards to BBQ?  Yes?  No?

Bimlissa, my dearheart friend, sent me this picture from her general region last week.

They had a snow day.

?

Our school district?

Had school today.

Let us examine Bimlissa’s photo again, shall we?

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can find the snow.

I can find a smudge on Bimlissa’s lens.  This brings me great comfort in knowing that I am not the only one who has this sort of thing happen to her.

Apparently Bimlissa is sick today.  So we won’t make fun of her photography skills.  Or skillz, whichever you prefer.

So, we got our school work done today and then the kids went outside to play while I worked on some cooking.

Sweet Pea, who is clearly not as hearty as my other children, had already come inside at this point because it was too cold.

Little Dude somehow coerced Daisy Mae into pulling him all around while he took a nap.

I think he really fell asleep there.  And no.  He does not have gigantor feet.  He is wearing his big sister’s boots.

And yes.  Handsome Dude’s glasses are not on him.  This is because the lens popped out, as per the usual custom around here.

I have some links to share with you all.  Put on your party pants!

1)  I am making yogurt.  I KNOW!  Could I get any stranger?  I am starting to worry even myself.  I was chatting with a gal earlier this week who was telling me all about how she makes her own yogurt.  She kept saying horrific things like “raw milk”  and “from my own cow” and “live cultures.”  And I was thinking Yoplait was my new bff, all while pretending to have a clue about what she was speaking of.

I didn’t.

And I am NOT getting a cow.

But then!  Then I found this recipe for yogurt in the crockpot!  And I said to myself, “Teller, let’s face the facts.  You already make your own laundry soap, fabric softener, and cleaning solutions.  You “can” summer bounty.  You bake bread. You grind elk meat whilst wearing a flannel shirt.  You own Carhartt overalls.

Go ahead.  Make your own yogurt.  Who are you trying to impress anymore?”

So.  I am making my own yogurt in the crock pot.  With milk I got at the STORE and yogurt with live cultures.

Here is the link.  Go ahead.  Click on it.  Join the dark side.

2)  I am also doing a bit of freezer cooking this afternoon.  I am making clam chowder, which is interesting because I don’t eat clams.  I am also making elk taco soup.  This is even more interesting, because I don’t eat elk.  And I am making PW cinnamon rolls.

This is fantastic because I will definitely eat cinnamon rolls!  Hence my muffin top.

3)  I found a free little freebie for homeschooling.  Yes.  I homeschool, too.  I told you I was weird.

It’s printables for learning hymns and hymn copywork and all that good stuff.  We started the first one today:  All Creatures of Our God and King.

It was enjoyable.

4)  We have some friends who are trying to adopt from Africa.  They are hosting a little Starbucks coffee giveway.  You are entered if you make a $10 donation via PayPal.

If you are interested in supporting them, click here.

Happy Weekend!

Snow has been dumped upon us.  This means that I did not have to chauffeur the children in the deep, deep snow to basketball practice and into the big city for Awana.

It was a wonderful break.  Just what we needed.  Or maybe just what I needed.  Yesterday, I was feeling, oh, I don’t know . . . MOODY.  Sorry about that.  It happens.  But the comments from you all encouraged me greatly, and I thank you for that.  I woke up early this morning and prayed that God would just show me . . . show me something . . . anything.

An answer?  An epiphany?  The shortest route to the nearest school?

I don’t know exactly what I was looking for.

But I think He gave me exactly what I needed . . . joy.

So, without further ado, I would like to present a list.

Yes.  A Joyful List.  Of blessings in my day.

1)  I woke up early and well-rested.  I had time to visit my husband before he left.

2)  I had coffee and I even sneaked in my favorite chocolate raspberry creamer.

Oh, yes.  I did.  I have almost completely given it up, I’ll have you know.  I used to have it twice a day, every day.  Now I might sneak it in thrice a week.  And thrice is a fun word.  Makes me feel snooty.  And I like that quality in a word.

3)  I was able to read my Bible and pray.  And the house was . . . quiet.

4)  I exercised.  Please note that my children have not yet arisen.  This is truly amazing.

5)  I fed my children the leftovers from the HOMEMADE cinnamon swirl bread French toast I made last night.  Have I mentioned I made bread?  From scratch?  With my own two hands?  Yes?  No?

I can say with a great deal of confidence that Handsome Dude actually rose and called me blessed over the dinner last night.

He said, and I quote: “Thanks for the lubbely dinner, Mom!”

He always has been my favorite, you know?

6)  I did school with the girls.  It went well.  No tears were shed, no complaints were made, and I did not throw Daisy Mae out the window when she insisted on writing her 3’s and E’s and all those cooky things she tends to do from time to time.

We started a new science/social studies program and the girls LOVE it.  They beg, nay plead with me, to do it.

So that’s a perk.

7)  I helped with the care of the rabbits.  I don’t actually feel joyous about this.  But that’s that.

Rabbits.  Not for the faint of heart.

8)  During lunch, I showed the dudes words on the fridge and tried to teach them to sound them out.  Simple words, of course, like “cat” and “map” and “hat.”

They did pretty good and actually did blend a few of them!

You know, I totally could have been all bragadocious and told you my boys could read words like “Constantinople” and “Timbuktu” and you would have been none the wiser.

9)  My honesty is to be admired, is it not?

10)  I made playdough with the boys.  They were helpful and cute and we had a wonderful time.

This was the absolute best photo they would give me.  Punks.

11)  All my life, I have been hindered in my playdough making ability by my lack of a supply of cream of tartar.

I never have it.  I have bought it before.  Where does it go?

Well, friends.  Brace yourselves.  I have joyous news.  You can make substitute baking soda!  This is life-changing news!  The amounts aren’t exactly the same, so check this recipe out before you try it yourself and wow all your friends and loved ones with your awesome homemade BLUE playdough.  You’re welcome.

Handsome Dude made me a birthday cake.

Then all four children had to sing me the “Happy Birthday” song and I blew out the candles.  Which were actually butter knives.

The astute reader might notice some lovely flowers on yonder table.  This brings me to Joyous Point #12.

12)  I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah, have received a bundle of flowers from my husband.  This is exciting news, to be sure, and I am sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I kinda sorta founded the

COMPLETE AND UTTER HOMESCHOOLING/HOUSECLEANING/OVERLYTIRED WIFE MELTDOWN WEEK OF 2012.

13)  He’s probably just uber romantic like that.

14)  Did you know it bugs Sister Meagan if I write uber.  Because she went to Germany and got all handsome on their actual language and she believes I need to write uber like this:  ueber.

15)  She is ueber know-it-all-ish for a little sister.

16)  Handsome Dude was singing this song today:

“How Marvelous, how wonderful and my song shall ever be . . . “

He was singing his little heart out.  It was the cutest thing in the entire world.

Me:  Who taught you that song?

HD:  God.

Alrighty then.  His relationship with the Lord is impressive, is it not?

Happy Thursday!

Things aren’t going so well over here.  Not gonna lie.  Feeling a bit stressed, a bit discouraged, if you will.  Wondering why I home school?  And what would be wrong with driving them to the rural public school and enrolling them all immediately?

Thoughts?  Someone might need to talk me down here.  I might be loading them up tomorrow, vaccination records in hand.

I am baking my own bread at this very moment.  Yes.  Be impressed.  There is flour on my shirt and it looks my kitchen exploded, but the bread needs to rise and now would be a good time to blog.  Because organization is my strong suit.

The bread is rising for the second time.  Bread.  It’s so kneady.

Oh, darn.  No one can deny that was uber punny.

I am making this gal’s recipe for bread and making one loaf of cinnamon swirl bread, of which I plan to make French toast out of tonight.  I am certain I will hear complaints from the members of this household, as per their usual dinnertime custom, but here I am, kneading and rising dough nonetheless, all in hopes that someday, someone, will rise and call me blessed.

I am a Grumpy Grumperton today, am I not?

Let’s move on.  On Saturday, Sweet Pea had her first basketball game.  It was enjoyable, to be sure.  That girl is awesome on defense.  She sticks to her man like white on rice.  She does, however, forget to switch to offense.  So, while she is on offense, she searches out her opponent and again, sticks to them like dots on dice.  This is good for the other team, not-so-good for Sweet Pea and her chances of winning any future college sports scholarships.  And can homeschoolers win college sports scholarships? Probably not.  But here’s to hoping.

After the game, we came home and I got a hankering to try the homemade bread that was previously mentioned in the above Grumpy Grumperton section of the post you are currently reading.   Saturday was the first time I made this bread.  I made four loaves and they are almost gone, which is why I am making four more loaves today.  And this seems excessive, our bread consumption, does it not?  And one must wonder if I have time to make such things?

I don’t.

I also made homemade English muffins-about 2o of them.  They are already gone.  It’s obvious I am drowning my sorrows in carbohydrates.

Please take note:  when I first started blogging in aught-nine, I had a healthy fear of active dry yeast.

Attention Readers:  Look at me and my bad yeast-rising self!  Holla!

I’m growing up before your very eyes!  Aren’t you so proud?

The snow came today.  We have been blessed with lovely spring time weather thus far.  Foolishly, we laughed to ourselves and blissfully thought we were escaping our usual wintertime doom.

Alas.

It still came.

Those are my boys.  Aren’t they cute?  The answer is yes.  I am fragile today, you know, so don’t argue with me.  This was when we were trudging down the driveway to meet the bus for Handsome Dude.  Because I had half a brain and outsourced the education of the boy.

Do you think it would be weird if I just threw all the other ones on the preschool bus and then ran back inside?  To bake more bread?

So, we did school.  Lovely as usual.  And then we had to go pick up Handsome Dude from the bus stop.  It is an odd sitch, but the bus driver picks him up at our mailbox, but I have to drive about a mile away for the afternoon drop off.

Bus drivers.  So fickle.

So, in order to get the boy, I had to trudge through inches upon inches of snow and try to scrape all the windows.  Meanwhile, wind is blowing and I am certain we are having blizzard like conditions.  And I had to take a second and loathe all the locals who were complaining about the lack of snow.

What is wrong with people?  What’s fun about getting snow smacked in your face and your jeans wet up to your knees  and putting the rig in 4-wheel drive just so you can drive one mile to a bus stop?  I wash my hands of it.

Well.  I must now face the kitchen.  My husband is coming home from work.  He is certain to be hungry and I am feeding him French Toast (did I mention I am making my own bread?)and he does not really care for bread.  I know.  Wife of the year.  And then he will spend hours upon hours plowing the blessed snow.  I wash my hands of it.

I shall leave you a new segment I just made up this very second entitled:

Little Dude and his Inappropriate, albeit Cute Mouth

Little Dude:  The “u” says “uh” like “*unit*.”

Except he said the real word for unit.  You know I can’t type that stuff out.

Shameful.

Alright.  That’s all.

I was uplifting and encouraging today, was I not?  You’re so very welcome.  To end things on a more positive note, I will share with you the verse I have been thinking of often.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5,6

Happy Tuesday!

I woke up this morning at 5:30am.  This is early for me, but I have been praying that God will help me learn how to fit more into my day, so I took it as a big, fat sign.  I got up, drank a cup of coffee and watched my husband rush out the door.

Fun Fact:  My husband is always running late.

Funner Fact:  But he just thinks he is late.  Late to him is 15 minutes before work starts.

Most Funnest Fact of All:  I am truly late for everything.  For reals.  Or realz.  Whichever you prefer.

The kids don’t wake up until 7am, so I was excited to get some stuff done.

At 6am, I decided that I would *gasp* exercise.  I KNOW!  Look at me and my health-conscious self!  I could hardly believe it myself.

At 6:02 the dudes came upstairs.  They were starving for silly-roll, which is actually cereal.  You have to be on your toes around here.  This was uber convenient and somehow, the making of silly-roll, delayed my awesome workout until 6:47am.  But what can you do?

So, I workout, feel discouraged that I don’t have abs of steel from 30 minutes of mild to moderate exercise, take a shower, and get ready to tackle the day.  I am feeling quite spunky and together and decide to wash the bedding from all the beds in the house.

Five sets of bedding all before naptime?

Bring it.

As I am beginning the bedding, I am also beginning the education of the children.  I’m a multitasker and and a darn good one.  As this post will aptly illustrate.

While I am starting the education, I am getting emails about our vacation rental.  I’m sorry!  Are you new here?  Did you not know I have another house?  Another wretched house that we have deal with because we apparently have all the time in the world?  The thing about the vacation rental biz, is you kind of have to be, oh what’s the word . . . professional.  And punctual.  And generally organized.

Fun Fact:  In response to an email about said rental, I signed my name “Taylot.”  Because impressing people is what I do best.

I have four different inquiries going on and I am trying my best to keep up with them because we need MONEY, all while realizing that my focus is really needing to be on my girls and their lessons.

So, I am feeling guilty and then the dryer stops, so I must switch out the load, because the bedding won’t wash itself, and then I get another email and go back to the lessons all while realizing I have yet to bathe the dudes.

The dudes.  They are difficult.  This we know to be truth.  But take Handsome Dude and his leg of agony, and that takes difficult to a whole nother level.  And why do we say ” a whole nother” level?  Since when can you split up the word “another” and stick another one in it?

Or maybe its just me?  Probably.

So, I get the girls started on something-don’t ask me what-and begin to inform Handsome Dude that today is the day:

He must shower.

Handsome Dude has not showered since his accident.  Judge me if you’d like, I care not.  You can come and try to deal with him.  The boy has an unhealthy fear of showers.

I realize there is no way I’m going to get this boy into the shower.  So, I decide to call the doctor’s office and inquire when the boy can bathe.  But first I have to get online to find the number, because who has phone books anymore?  While I am online, I must respond to stupid rental email.  I call the doctor’s office and discuss the wound with a friendly gal who I truly believe has no idea what it is like to deal with a four-year-old-drama-queen-boy.

His leg is not ready for a bath.  I decide that I am the parent (brilliant!) and I am just going to make him shower.

It’s a good thing we don’t live near people because I am pretty sure Child Protective Services would have been called on me from the screaming that came during that horrific shower episode.

Got the boy cleaned and his wound all fixed up.

Then I began the endless cycle of homeschool/laundry/rental emails for the entire day.  It is now 5pm and I feel like I have not gotten anything done.

I remember when I first stayed at home with Sweet Pea, the days would drag on and on.  I would look at the clock.

“Two o’clock.  This day is taking forever . . . “

Today, I looked at the clock while reading with Daisy Mae.

“What time is it?  Does that say 2:07 or 2:27?  Oh please say 2:07!  We still need to do science before the boys wake up.”

There is just not enough time in the day.  And yes.  We do science.  What did you think?  I answered emails and did laundry all day instead of school?

I need help.  Clearly.

Anyways.  I must sign off.  There is a slab of raw elk flesh that I must form into burger patties for our supper tonight.

Please.  Try to contain your understandable jealousy.

Later, dudes.

PS-Rest assured.  I will be eating a black bean burger.

PPS-Does anyone want to buy my house?  Either one.  I don’t care.

PPPS-Yes.  You might recall that I have a freezer full of freezer meals.

PPPPS- The secret to freezer meals is remembering to actually pull out the meals the day before.

PPPPPS- Guess what I never remember to do?