The Lumberjack's Wife

It’s Saturday night!  And I am hiding from my family.  Yes.  I admit it.  Sometimes I do need to get away from them all . . .

As precious as they are.

I was bound and determined to get a lovely blog header picture for you all today, because I know that is why you all come here.  I thought to myself:

“Taylor!  Wouldn’t it be HI-larious if you had a picture of your kids faces with some of the rabbits that have multiplied themselves at your homestead?!”

And, after much planning and positioning and bribery, this was the best I could get:

Turns out when you crop it, the bunnies disappear.

Blogging is hard.

But did I give up?

Yes.  Yes, I did.

No!  The boys are not allowed to hold actual rabbits!

That would be coco-nuts.

I have some . . . news. 

We had to find a new home for Lucy.

This happened a week ago, but I didn’t share with you all about it because I was still feeling blue about it all and not really up for talking about it.  Plus, I remembered when Mabel died last fall and my blog was a total downer. I will forever remember that phase as  “The Great Blog Depression of 2010.”  Anyways, I figured I needed to not write about it for a bit.

Lucy was just too much for us to handle.  We didn’t realize it, but she was bothering the neighbors and chasing livestock.  She was too wild for the children and, well, the list goes on and on and on.  I am really sad that we had to find a new family for her, but her new family was really excited to take her.  They had three older children and another dog, and she happily left with them.  Or so I’m told.  I took the kids for a drive so we didn’t have to see her go.

 I am still pretty bummed about it, but I know David and I made the right choice for all involved.

***

I am impressed that some of you tried to use my sister’s “handsome” phrase in a sentence in the comments of my last post.

You did good!

Here’s a hint:  think of handsome as a verb, not an adjective.

So you wouldn’t say, I’m eating some handsome ice cream.

Nay.

You say, I’m getting all handsome on some ice cream.

See?

Yes.  I know.  Makes no sense.

But that’s why its fun.

***

We were in Walmart yesterday.  Daisy Mae saw a cucumber and said:

“Oh, look!  It’s a Larry!”

Of course, she is referring to Veggie Tales.  Keep up, people!

Then, she had an epiphany.

“Mom! You see that! A tomato! Guess what. On Veggie Tales there is a Bob the Tomato. I never knew why they called him that. But I figured it out. He is a tomato. AND his name is Bob. That’s why!”

Wow.

***

Handsome Dude has been getting a little . . . deep lately.  He asks some pretty intense questions.  Questions such as:

“Mom.  Do the trees like the sky?”

I’m going to need more coffee.

My mom has lost about 50 pounds and she is a force to be reckoned with.  The woman will not cheat.  She is Weight Watcher’s biggest fan and I wonder why I didn’t inherit her passion for following a diet for over a year.  I can barely record my points for two days in a row.  So boring, so trivial.

What’s that?  Oh!  Did I not tell you? 

Yes, I am feigning to be on Weight Watchers again.  What this means is I am paying Weight Watchers and hoping that by at least joining, weight will magically fall off.  Turns out, the diet works best when you actually follow it.

Who knew?!

Anyways.  My mom, being the health guru that she now is, has decided to take up running.  We know this because somehow she manages to sneak this sentence into her daily conversations:

“I’m a runner now.”

Seriously.  Annoying.  She’s said it since she bought the outfit.

So, I figured if she can do it, so can I.  And the other morning, I decided to go out and run/walk in the driveway before my shower.  I looked remarkably fetching, seeing as how I had no makeup and had my bed hair, but have you heard where I live?

I live in the middle of nowhere.

So, what do I care?

Imagine my shock when a neighbor comes to call.  And would you like to know what news he had for me?

Bears.

Bears are in the ‘hood. (That’s cool-talk for neighborhood.  Keep up, people!) A mama and her babies, to be exact.  Did you know that husband of mine assured me no bears lived here?  It’s true.  He did.  Liar.

And I told him that the day I heard of bears was the day I was moving.  Which, I won’t, because I don’t think that was part of my marriage vows, but STILL.

Bears.

Me no likey.

Let us move on to happier topics, shall we?

Today is Sister Meagan’s birthday.

Sister Meagan is my go to person for all things hip and cool, seeing as how I am just an old married woman with 4 children and she is a young lass living it up, all exciting like.

It is because of her influence on me that I share with you the words:

Holla!

Uber

totes

And while we are talking about holla, there has, once again, been some confusion.

NO.  It is not hola, the spanish word for a friendly greeting.

Holla.

Two ‘L’s”.  Not one.

To be honest, I don’t really know what it means and I give up trying to pretend I do and we are just going to move on now because I have given up on you unteachable people.

I wash my hands of it.

Sister Meagan cracks me up and I always ask her if I can say something, because I have been known to get confused and use words incorrectly in a sentence.

Meagan, Can I say, “I totes want coffee?”

Meagan, is “snap” a swear word?

Good news!  It isn’t!  I don’t think.

While my mother and I were in Vegas, we were trying to be good with our Weight Watchers-ness and we ordered salads with dressing on the side.

This is silly on my end, because I end up using all the dressing.  And then I attack the bread bowl and use it to soak up all remaining dressing I may have left behind on my plate.

But getting dressing on the side is a healthier choice.  And I stand by it.

Anyways. We were famished and waiting for our dainty salads when we spotted a table of four ladies next to us.  The server brought them a GINORMOUS platter of nachos.

And those ladies devoured them in mere seconds, I kid you not.

Me:  Dang!  They got all handsome on them nachos.

Mom: huh?

Me (casually, cause I’m cool like that):  Oh, its just something Meagan says.

Mom:  I don’t get it.

Me:  I don’t either.  But I think its funny when Meagan says it.

Mom:  I really want some nachos.

Me:  Me, too!

Mom:  I could just run them off.  I’m a runner now.

Me:  So I’ve heard.

So, there.  In honor of Meagan’s birthday, I am teaching you all something new and cool to say.

I’ll give you a few more example sentences, for further clarification.

“Look at that pizza!  I’m getting all handsome on that.”

“I’m getting all handsome on my popcorn and Diet Pepsi tonight.”

(Diet Pepsi, not Diet Coke.  Don’t insult me.)

And, finally, I will use it in a sentence to describe this picture from the olden days of me and Sister Meagan herself:

“Whoa, Nellie!  I was getting all handsome on them button-fly shorts!”

I know.  It makes no sense.  But it’s funny, isn’t it?
Hello?

Hola?

Holla?

I’ll have you know that I am sitting at my kitchen counter in the middle of nowhere with kids swarming all about me, laughing each time I say I’m a gonna get handsome on something.

Because I find it funny.

Even thought I know not what it means.

Don’t bother trying to look it up.  Sister Meagan made it up.  She is that cool.

Happy Birthday to Meagan!

I hope you get all handsome on some cake tonight.

Attention Sister Meagan:  It is like we have our own, inside joke we are keeping from the rest of the world!  Be honored.  I probably lost some readers today on account of my foolishness.  That is how much I loveth you.

Happy Thursday!

PS-Thank you for visiting me at JoAnn’s yesterday!  I hope you took time to check her out.  She’s the bee’s knees.

PPS-It is so cold here today, I’m about to get all handsome on some socks.

PPPS-I’m a runner now.

Awhile ago, I found a blogger named JoAnn.  She writes the most lovely, beautiful, and hilarious posts in the whole, wide world.

Imagine my shock (and nervousness) when she asked me to guest post for her.  It is a different kind of post for me.  I didn’t even say holla! once.

Would you mind stopping by JoAnn’s blog and visiting me over there?  I would be eternally grateful.

And while you are there, take the time to read some of JoAnn’s posts-I’m sure you will love her!

Besides, she will oft include this picture of her husband in her posts:

He looks . . . fierce, does  he not?  He’s definitely got a passion for dodgeball.

Alright!  So please please come and visit me over there and say hi.  You know.  So I don’t feel like a silly goose.

Click here

Attention Mom and Dad:  You must click on the highlighted words that read :click here.”  Do not be alarmed.  You will be taken to a different blog.  But it is still me writing.  I promise.

Thank you, I appreciate it!

After our anniversary trip, we went to pick the kids up from David’s parents.  The children always have a grand time with their grandparents.

You can’t go wrong with a big, green tractor.

The kids got in a mood once we arrived.  Do you know this mood?  The “oh, I forgot I am extremely tired from all the fun I’ve had and now I am going to give you the stink eye and throw myself on the ground in a fit of fury simply because I need a nap”  mood?  So precious.

Luckily, they fell fast asleep on our drive home.  And our drives home are never short.  Makes for good napping.  To add to the excitement of the day, we decided to drive another 40 minutes away to where my parents were camping to visit them for the evening.  It was so pretty where they were camping, so I decided to try and get some decent pictures of the children.

It did not go so well.

That picture was taken before they realized I was taking a picture.

Once they clued in, this is what I got:

Look at Little Dude.  What a punk.  To further aggravate him, I decided to add the girls to the mix.  For kicks and grins.

What beef does Little Dude got against me?

Oh, that one is just . . . precious.

Notice how Little Dude has not cooperated once.

Come on, kids!  Mama needs a new blog header.

Little Dude:  For the love of everything, Mother.  When will this end?

2 out of 4 isn’t so bad.

Three cheers for Daisy Mae (black shirt)!  She has looked at the camera the entire time!

That’ll do, kids.  That’ll do.

And as you may have noticed, I attempted to upload one as a header.  I couldn’t get the good one because Sweet Pea’s head is too high.  So the mediocore one will serve as this blog’s header for awhile.

Nothing but the best for my blog.

It started to get chilly and we all asked David to build us a fire, because David is the go-to guy for all things wood/fire/camping-ish.

My kids are learning the tricks of the trade.  The boys got into the back of the truck, unloaded the wood, and then brought the wood to the fire pit.

Daisy Mae helped David get the fire ready.

My legs look just like that when I wear shorts, too.

We had a lovely time visiting with my parents and Sister Meagan.  After dinner we decided to go for a walk.  It was so lovely, we decided we should have a group photo to capture this memory in time.

David set the timer on the camera and then ran like a champ to join us.

After he did that, a teenager was riding his bike right by us.  Foolishly, we assumed he had noticed out group photo dilemma and was going to offer to take the picture for us.

Instead, he looked right at David and said, “Wow.  I didn’t know cameras could do that.  Later.”

Helpful.

Happy Monday!

I took the Fab Four to the beach yesterday and had some pictures to show you.  However, my computer is insisting on giving me grief again.

Can somebody please tell me why this keeps happening?

So irksome.

Today is our 11th Wedding Anniversary!

As each year passes, I realize how much I regret my bangs.  Oh, well.  What can you do?

The girls gave us a present today and it was really sweet.  They had found a framed wedding picture that I had misplaced and got it all spiffed up for us.  I would show it to you, but alas:

My computer has picture-uploading-itis  today. 

You may say: “Taylor!  How did you get the wedding picture without the attractive, eye-catching, gray block on the bottom?!”

Copy and paste from an old post, my dear friends.  Copy and paste.

Could this blog be any more professional?

Anyways, in a bit here I am about to head off into the city to drop off the four children with David’s parents for THE NIGHT.

Pray for them.

And pray for their toilets.  They don’t know what’s about to hit them.

Literally.

We are going to a H-O-T-E-L.  Oh, be still my heart.  So exciting.

In honor of our anniversary, I thought I would leave you with a random list of nothingness about David and I.

Please.  Try to contain your excitement.

1.  We were given a pig as a wedding present.  A live one.  This was exciting to David, as he was into all things 4-H and whatnot.  Sadly, it was butchered and we had a plethora of pork (gag me) in our freezer for many moons.  One night, David decided to fry us up some ham steak (double gag me).  Lucky for me, my decorative candle that I ignorantly placed on the oven had melted and dripped wax into the burners.  Imagine my luck when the ham steak caught fire and we had to take up the invitiation from my dad to join him at his house for dinner!  Did you know my dad is a superb cook?  It’s true.

2.  We have probably caught and killed at least 100 mice in our homes.  Because, clearly, we are super clean peoples.

3.  We used to eat ice cream for a snack every night.  100 (meaningless) points to whoever can remember what we eat now for our much healthier snack. 

4.  Every time David gets a new pillow, I steal it and give him my old one.  This reminds me, it is time for David to ask for a new pillow.

5.  David would sleep on the floor if it meant I was quiet and he could sleep.  This is how I acquire the pillow.  I promise silence.

6.  Our first date lasted less than an hour.

7.  When he first told me he loved me, I told him he couldn’t say that yet because it was too soon.

I’m such a delight.

8.  David and I have been playing Words with Friends against each other on our phones.  And guess what.

I caught David cheating.

You can cheat on Words with Friends.

There’s an app for that.

9.  When we were first married, we never purchased coffee, because we never drank it enough to use it.  We couldn’t eat bread before it went moldy or drink an entire gallon of milk before it went sour.

I am happy to report that we quickly found the solution to those quandaries:

Are you wondering what they are looking at in the picture?

So am I.

Now we put on two pots of coffee a day, eat about 3 loaves a bread a week and drink about 3 gallons of milk a week.

10.  The first meal I ever made David and I in our first home was . . . wait for it . . . baked potatoes with toppings.  Toppings like . . . canned chili.

It was surely a meal that impressed.

***

Alright! 

Try not to jealous as I head off kid-free . . . again.

Which reminds me!  We need to do the COW!

This week’s goes to Mindee:

I was going to tell you about the best novel ever written. You would have loved it. You would have laughed, cried – it’s life changing really.

But then you had to flaunt your kid free status and say Neener Neener so I’m keeping it to myself.

Well, Mindee . . . not get all “flaunty” again, but . . .

Neener Neener.

I am back from my trip to Las Vegas, and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed as to how to recap it all in a blog post.  I could just sum it all up for you in one sentence . . .

Vegas is wee naughty.

And hot.  It was like 110 degrees!  That’s like Africa hot.  I would oft perspire when simply walking to and fro.

Let us begin this story by discussing my mother.

Lest any of you are confused, my mom is the one with the dark hair, of which I am jealous of.

As you may have heard on this blog, my mom can be a goober when it comes to technology.  The night before we left, she decides she needs to get a smart phone.

Why?

Because she can. 

Me:  My parents are going into Verizon tonight to get smart phones.

David:  They’re gonna get rolled.

And I am sure they did.  Because my parents walk into these types of stores announcing their ignorance and their willingness to pay.  Not very Dave Ramsey-ish.  Nope.  And yet they have purchased all the Dave Ramsey paraphernalia.  See?  They even got rolled by Dave Ramsey.

Do you know who Dave Ramsey is?  Are you wondering what on earth I am talking about?

You are not alone.

Anyways, so my mom has this smart phone now, of which she knows not how to use.  Let us discuss her first phone call with it, shall we?

Me:  Hello?

Mom (shouting, because apparently smart phones render you deaf): TAYLOR!  HAVE YOU BEEN TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF ME?

Me:  Nope.

Mom:  WE HAVE BEEN AT THE VERIZON STORE FOR HOURS.  YOUR FATHER AND I GOT SMART PHONES.  I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO USE IT.  THE SCREEN JUST GOES BLACK.  I COULD BARELY MAKE THIS PHONE CALL.

Me:  Wow!  You both got them, huh?

Mom:  YES.  YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH MONEY WE SPENT AFTER ALL THE ACCESSORIES THE GUY SAID WE NEEDED TO GET.

(You see what I mean?  They got rolled)

Mom: THERE IS A CLASS WE CAN TAKE ON HOW TO USE THE SMART PHONE.  BUT IT IS ON SUNDAYS AT 9 AM.   I HAVE CHURCH!  I LOOKED RIGHT AT THE SALESMAN AND SAID, “I SUPPOSE THE CLASS IS ONLY FOR THE UNCHURCHED THEN?  HMMMM?”

Me:  You probably shouldn’t say that kind of stuff, Mom. 

So, that’s a little background for you on my mom and her phone.  And that really doesn’t have much to do with the Vegas recap, although it is humorous that a “churched” woman, such as herself, spent the weekend in naughty Vegas.

Because Vegas is wee naughty.

To clarify, we were not naughty.  But the atmosphere is a bit on the sketchy side.

So, we flew into Vegas and as soon as we stepped outside, we were literally knocked over by the mass amounts of heat.  I was in jeans and a t-shirt, because I lack a brain, and my goodness, that was not a good idea.

So, we spent the afternoon at the pool and then we got all gussied up to go on the strip.  Everyone in the world was vacationing at vegas.  There were throngs of people there.  All the hotels are massive and beautiful and really fun to look at.  Auntie Datenut drove over to meet us there.

Auntie told me I looked so cute with my long hair and my killer eyebrows.  I am not sure how to interpret the eyebrows part, but I will hope she means it in a good way.  Because I hate my eyebrows.  They have a weird curve.  What can you do?  Anyways, Auntie made me feel pretty and youthful, even though I am more mature in years now, and that made me feel pleasant.

We spent our days eating and laughing and walking and laughing and looking at hotels and laughing.
We really wanted to be able to relax by the pool, but the universe was against us.  On Sunday, as soon as we get to the pool, the lifeguards started yelling for everyone to get out of the pool.

Lightning.

So, that made us forlorn.  But the next day was blue skies and sunshine, so we went back to the pool, certain the lightning was not going to kick us out that day.

As we were “yucking” it up in the pool, the lifeguards started shouting for everyone to get out.

Again.

The people were revolting and basically ignoring them, on account of the lightning fiasco the day before.  But then, the lifeguards informed us there was, ahem, poo, in the pool.  That got everyone out in a jiff.

So, everyone had a good laugh and was looking at the poo, which had sunk to the bottom of the pool.

But then the lifegaurds brought out the tape:

and roped off the pool.  The poo just sat there.  I don’t know if they were waiting for a hazmat team or what, but I was thinking if they offered me a free stay, I would totally throw on some gloves and pick it up.

Do you know how much poo I have cleaned up in my life?  It ain’t no thang.

They closed the pool for 24 hours on account of that little poo.  And as a result of poo and lightning, I do not have bronzed skin, like I was hoping.

Such is life.

It was good to come home though.  I missed my family and I got to come home to a clean house, washed “rig”, and my girls had all the laundry caught up!

I am happy to report summer has come to these here parts!  It is gorgeous and warm and sunny.

Therefore, today I am going to the beach with the fab four.

I hope we have a lovely, poop-free, lightning-free swim.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend!

PS-I know you have all been dying to know what book I purchased for my Kindle.  I am chose The Help and I think it is really good so far!

I have spent far too much time this afternoon trying to upload one, stupid picture to my blog.

And time after time, these are the results I get:

Why?

Why? Why? Why?

Sometimes, I really hate technology.  It’s amazing I find The Internet everyday, isn’t it?

Well.  It would have been a cute picture.  Wish you could have seen it.

I am sure you have all been dying to know how the oven cleaning went yesterday.  When David and I showed up at the house he said, and I quote:

“How about you finish up the bedding and I’ll clean the oven?”

These are the moments that make marriage worthwhile.

Oh, isn’t he grand?  Who wants to clean an oven anyway, really?  So tedious. And he does a splendid job of scrubbing things, on account of his gigantic muscles.

So, we got all work done and went to eat at THE GREEK RESTAURANT of which we love, even though it was belly dancer night.  As luck would have it, our server brought us our check mere moments before Lady Belly Dancer sashayed her way over to our table and we made it out in the nick of time.

Belly Dancing.

It’s not for the faint of heart.

The kids were at VBS this week and last night was Parent Night.  This was Little Dude’s maiden performance on a stage of any kind.

Can anyone guess where his hands were the entire time?

Hmmmm?

Hmmmm?

It was a proud moment.  My boy had his shirt in his mouth and his hand down his pants.  What can you do?

He is stinking cute, I must inform you.  Which is why he can get away with such things.

I am still trying to get that first picture to work for you, because I will not allow the computer to defeat me, darn it.  I found this gem of a picture for you on my phone:

Wait a tick!  Does it look like David is . . . smiling?!?! 

There’s that Little Dude again, attempting to invite me to the gun show.  And we already knew Daisy Mae was cute.

I have nothing to blog about today.  Can you tell?  I was hoping I would upload picture #1 and fountains of creativity would burst open and I would write the bestest blog post ever.    Spoiler Alert:  that will not be happening.

Lucy thinks I like her now because I simply praised her for about 30 seconds a half an hour ago and now she won’t stop licking me and sniffing me and generally loving me.  I was pleased with her (a rare occurrence) because she was barking at a Mr. Creepy Creeperton who was walking along the edge of our property line.

And I want her to bark at all Creepy Creepertons.

She never barks at deer, turkeys, or moose any more.  But human species are so rare, I am sure it gave her a fright.

Ah-ha!

Look at me and my bad self!

See?  Now wasn’t that worth the wait?  Aren’t my boys the cutest?  Check out Handsome Dude with his Carhartt hat and his glasses on!

No!

I most certainly did not help my boys make those cars, you silly readers!  Holla to reader Stacy who made them for VBS and sent them home with us.

I promise you, Stacy,  they are in excellent condition as I type this right now and are most certainly not all in pieces and ready to go out to the trash.  Nope.

Stacy is a “pretend” reader.  She says she reads but she never comments, so how should I know she reads?  And then she talks to me and I look at her like she is an insane crazy person and I wonder how on earth she knows so much about me.

And then she tells me she reads this blog.  And then I think “Oh, Snap!  What have I mentioned on that stupid blog?”  And then I think about why I have this dumb blog and oh how I hate it and it’s so embarrassing and so on and so forth and blah blah blah.

I have no one to blame but myself.

I told you I had nothing to talk about.

Alright.  Let’s do a COW.  Because we can.

This week’s goes to Debbie with her comment on The Bib Overalls:

This reminds me of all the birthdays and Christmases my mother-in-law bought me sweaters…..always a man’s sweater. Not sure what she was trying to say there.

Ha!

Oh!  We cannot forget to post the picture of Gladys the Cow.

I have nothing else to drone on about.  Please.  Try to contain your sadness as you realize this post is coming to an end. 

Tomorrow, I am leaving for Las Vegas!

And I neglected to get a book at the library.  Because who has time for such things?  Even though I was at the library YESTERDAY.

So, I have a Kindle app on my phone, as if I couldn’t get any cooler, and I was wondering if you would please send some book ideas my way.

And, YES, I have read The Hunger Games.  And, NO, I don’t want to read Twilight.

Thank you and have a pleasant weekend tending to your children as I am basking by the pool kid-free.

Neener, neener.

(This post will make no sense unless you read this post.  Although, apparently that post also made no sense, so you might be alright.)

Oh, dear.

Have I mentioned I just turned 30?  Well, apparently when one turns 30, they become all crazy and don’t make sense when they are blogging.

And, apparently they become borderline inappropriate.  I am sorry for all the grown up talk lately.  What is wrong with me?

I wrote a post yesterday when I really didn’t have the time to be writing any such posts.  I was supposed to be getting ready to load the children up so we could go to that darn other house and clean it.  And I decided not to tell you all about that because I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining.  But here I am now, complaining.  Darn house. 

So, I wrote the post, I hit publish, and then I made my usual announcement to the children:

“We are leaving in 20 minutes!”

(I say this when I hope to leave in an hour)

And then we have to potty and cry and potty and forget our shoes and potty and fight over a truck and redo our hair and potty and blah blah blah blah blah.

So, I get about a MILE away and notice that Lucy, our darling pup, has chased the car and has caught up with me.

Darn dog.

So, then I have to load her up and bring her home and tell her to STAY.

And she does it again.

And then I take her home again.

And we played that lovely game thrice.  And, yes, thrice is a clever word.  And I am saying “and” too much.

So, I start to get the emails with your comments on my smart phone that I am too dumb to use, and I notice that no one knows what “Bail O’ Cotton” means.  So, I decide I should try to edit my post.

But I cannot figure out how to do such things on my phone.  Because I am 30 now and I have no brains.  I tried and I tried.  I even tried to download a WordPress app for my phone and still couldn’t figure it out.

I think it’s time they put me out to pasture.

(To Sister Meagan:  Holla!  To Everyone Else:  Sister Meagan asked me to put the phrase “put out to pasture” in a blog post.  Did it work?  Did I use it right?  What are your thoughts?  I am 30 now, so remember I am not operating with a full deck of cards.)

And now we have come full circle.  What does Bail O Cotton mean?

First of all, I think I used the wrong spelling of “bail.”  It may have been “bale,” but honestly I have no idea.  Nor do I have the time or the passion to google that right now.

Secondly, I don’t think I should speak of such things on my web log.  I don’t know what has gotten into me!  I am not sure I can bring myself to type out the word.

Therefore, I shall leave you with clues. 

Clue 1-  It’s a feminine hygiene product

Clue 2- Starts with the letter P

Clue 3- Sometimes has the word “maxi” in front of it.

Clue 4-Auntie was basically saying she needed to wear one because we were always making her laugh too hard.  And she was having bladder control issues.  She was probably 30.

I fear I’ve said too much.

Basically, I just shouldn’t have blogged yesterday.  And I shouldn’t have blogged today because I need to go into town and go back to that darn house and clean the oven because the oven is a ghastly sight.

But I have news of great joy!

The kids are going to be at VBS tonight and David and I are going to our favorite Greek restaurant.  Oh, yes, local people.  We are going to THE GREEK RESTAURANT.  You know.  You KNOW.  That yummy one.

Local people!  It is like we have an inside joke that we are keeping from the cyber people!  Although after all this senile blogging, I don’t know if anyone, local or cyber, is still reading this.

Alas.  Tonight is belly dancer night at THE GREEK RESTAURANT.  It’s sure to be awkward and jiggly.  And sweaty, most likely.

Speaking of VBS, my mom is a teacher there.  Now, you all know how gooberish my mom is when it comes to technology.

Mom:  I am going to watch something on YouTube.

Me:  Ok.  www.youtube.com

Mom:  Hmmm . . . I better Google it.

Me:  Why?  Just type in the address.

Mom:  That doesn’t work out for me.

Me:  Whatever you wish.

Mom:  Oh, shoot.  I don’t remember how to get to Google.  I will use Bing to find Google and then I will go to YouTube.

No, readers.  I did not make that up.

I pinky swear.

Apparently, she was the only one who could figure out how to set up the DVD player at VBS and she wanted me to praise her on the Internets because I am always making fun of her on the Internets.

So, there you go.

Are you all impressed with her?

Alright.  I’m leaving now.  I am going to be late.  Again.  I hope I wasn’t too confusing.  I am 30 now, you know.

How many times can I talk about being 30 in one post?

Oh.  It just makes me feel so forlorn when I even say it.

30.

I shall speak of it no more.