The Lumberjack's Wife

I would like to welcome you back to the segment on this blog known as:

“It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

In our first edition, I showed you The Lumberjack’s new toy . . .

Today’s Edition:

Well, I’ll be darned.

  We’ve got ourselves a bona fide wood burning stove.

If you haven’t read this blog for awhile, The Lumberjack, who is, in fact, an electrician, loves to fall trees and chop wood and things of that nature.

But when we moved to Ruralville last summer, he was dismayed to discover there was no wood-burning stove.

When we moved here, a little something inside of him died.

And now, here are the pros and cons regarding the wood stove . . .

Pros:

*Our house reached temperatures in the 70s yesterday.  This was a far cry from our constant 62 degree temperatures we’ve maintained all winter long.

*The Lumberjack can now be a Lumberjack again.  His life is full of promise and purpose.

Cons:

*I shall have the duty of keeping the home fires burning again.

*I shall have sap in my hands and sap in my hair.

*I shall have to stack wood.  I shall get splinters. I shall hate it. I shall complain.

*And I most likely will whine.

Oh, well.  At least now if the power goes out, we will have warmth.  And perhaps I can learn to cook on it.

I know!

Just to further weird you all out, maybe I shall cook my homemade laundry soap atop my wood burning stove!

Yes.  That would be splendid.

***

My parents came over this weekend and we took a walk across our vast lands.

Little Dude and my mom.

Little Dude insisted upon wearing his helmet for the entire walk.

Made me proud.

Look at our beautiful “Lake of Shining Waters . . . “

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can remember what this water really is.

Hint:  It’s nasty.

The Dudes.

They were fighting terribly over who got to hold their dad’s deer call.  But then as soon as I told them I was taking a picture, they struck a pose.

And then they promptly went back to fighting.

***

And, in the most exciting news of all, I have a new sister-in-law!

Alex, the Lumberjack’s older younger brother, got married this weekend!

Remember Alex?

And, yes.  That is Holly looking terrifed as to what she is getting into in the background.

Holly is now offiically a Maliblahblah.

Holly! What were you NOT thinking?

Gird up your loins, sista from a different mista!

(oh, yeah.  that was cool)

Here are some fun, Maliblahblah family moments you can look forward to participating in:

Applesauce making with the cheerful patriarch himself.

Applesauce making happens every year.

And you will do your share.  And you will like it.

But don’t even think you will look as snazzy as I do whilst making applesauce . . .

Holly.  You know Jason.  Everyone teases Jason endlessly.

Poor Jason.

Not me.  I never tease him.  I’m his favorite.

Rock sliding on garbage bags.

Good times.

Hiking numerous miles into mountain lakes.

Uphill.  Both ways.

Woodcutting:

Making fun of Jason’s idea of a beach towel:

Making fun of Jason for doing Jason-y things:

Parachute camping:

Alex almost killing us by collapsing the parachute:

Oh, goodness.

Such crazies.

And now, Holly, you are one of us.

It’s ok.  Time will ease the shock.

***

Alright!  I must go load up the bambinos and drive into the big city for Handsome Dude’s eye appointment.

I am sure no disaster will come my way.

Happy Monday!

Well.  It’s been a long week.  A long, dreadful week trapped in the trenches of homeschooling/stay at home parenting bliss.

And I use the term “bliss” quite loosely.

Quite.

Some weeks are good.

And some weeks leave you wondering how on earth your life ended up this way.

I mean, what kind of a life is spent picking up random socks, muttering nonsense to yourself, talking to a dog, attempting to teach math, wiping up crumbs, wiping up toilet seats, attempting to teach reading, folding laundry, skipping science because you’ve “had it”, and arguing with 2 year olds about the necessity of pants.

Then we had to argue over whether or not helmets were meant for sleeping in.

I mean, really.  How could that be comfortable?

Can I just say that I am really proud that we got teeth-brusing accomplished today? 

Who needs science anyways?

All year long Daisy Mae has had trouble understanding seasons.  Why?

I cannot be certain.

But I have been pounding it into her brain over and over, all the different characteristics of the seasons.

Now.  Spring started like forever ago.

Am I right or am I right?

Well, no wonder the lass is so confused.

Can you see it?  Can you see it?

Snow.  On April the 29th.

What does it MEAN?

Oh, bother.

I have nothing to talk about.  Can you tell?

It was just a bad, boring week following the unneccessary, yet eventful, ER trip.  Of which I am still emotionally recovering from.

In other equally riveting news, I baked my first loaf of bread.

I know what you are thinking:

“What CAN’T this girl do?!?”

(teach science)

I know.  I know. 

Would you like to learn my secrets?

1)  Realize you are almost 30 and you have never baked bread.

2)  Try to decide if you care.

3)  Remember your unhealthy fear of active dry yeast and recipes where water has to have a temperature.

4)  I don’t know how to take water’s tempterature.

5)  ?

6)  Remember somebody gave you a bread machine for your wedding.  11 years ago.  Of which you have never used.

7)  Decide that you are super rude and an ungrateful brat.

8)  Buy yeast.

9)  Find a recipe.  Dump stuff into bread machine.  Watch as nothing happens.

10)  Wait 2 hours and 35 minutes for the bread machine to do something.  Anything.

11)  Dump everything out.  Throw it away.  Scold yourself for thinking you could bake bread.  You should know better.

12)  Realize you never fully attached the something or other to the other important something or other.

13)  Gather up your courage and try again.

14)  Sha-Zam!

15)  Watch in horror as your four, apparently starving, children devour the loaf in 4.8 minutes.

16)  Shake your head and start your third loaf for the day.

17)  Decide this might not save you as much money as you had initially hoped.

In other news, I am making pork chops for dinner.  Nasty.

The boys are playing bubbles.  The girls are playing exericse.

I probably should join them.

But I won’t.

I shall leave you all with the joke that Daisy Mae made up today and has told me each hour on the hour.

What did the boy salt say to the girl salt?

Wait for it . . .

Wait for it . . .

Can I have a SALT-ine?

*giggle, giggle, chuckle, chuckle*

Feel free to steal it.

Happy Weekend!

Well.  I have to admit, I purchased an expensive, seemingly unnecessary cup of coffee while I was in town today.

But I guarantee you that by the end of this here post, I shall prove to you that it was worth every dime.

Oh, yes.  I will.

As a result of this past weekend’s glorious weather, I decided to clean out my winter clothes.

Foolish?  Yes.

Because this is what I woke up to:

When will it end?  Oh, the humanity.

So, I was inspired to get many things accomplished today, seeing as how I had an entire day at home.

Yet, while I was in the shower two of my children got into my purse.

Offender #1:

Offender #2:

Are we surprised?

No, we are not.

According to the dudes themselves, Little Dude found the Tylenol in my purse and ate:

 “Two!”

“No, four!”

“No, two!”

“No!  I eat ‘sebben!'”

Hmmm.  And Handsome Dude declared that he abstained from partaking of the Tylenol with Little Dude.  And we all know that Handsome Dude never tells a lie.

So, I had to call poison control.  And since I had no idea if and how many pills were consumed, and Tylenol is like, not a good plan for the youngsters, I had to load up the big rig and head to the Emergency Room.

When we arrived, they had to weigh the boys and get their vitals.  Little Dude was Mr. Charming and flirted with everyone who came his way, happily informing them that:

“My bunny’s name is Screamer.”

Handsome Dude, who was looking quite fetching with his bed hair and shoes on the wrong feet, screamed and hid in the fetal position when it came time to put on his name bracelet.

For we all know how horrific it is to get a bracelet put on.

So, we waited.  And waited.  Then my dearheart friend, Shelly, came and picked the girls up.

Holla, Shelly!

As a precaution, the doctor wanted the boys to drink charcoal.  I lied to them and told them it was a super special cherry soda.

Lying is permissible in these sorts of scenarios.

Then the nurse told them to have a race and see who could drink it the fastest.

Handsome Dude, the boy who writhed on the floor in agony at the sight of a bracelet, chugged that nastiness down faster than a speeding bullet.

And he cheered and cheered for his victory.

Little Dude had a bit of trouble with it.  But he got it down.  And both boys will forever have charcoal stained shirts and faces as a result of it, I am certain.

Apparently, one must wait 4 hours after the ingestion to take a blood test to see if the amount swallowed is a problem.  So, we waited and waited and then finally it was time to draw the blood.

Which went over well with both boys, as I am sure you can imagine.

Then we waited and waited and finally the doctor came in to give us the results.

“Well, Mom, I am not sure if either of them actually ate any Tylenol at all!  It didn’t show up at all in their blood levels!”

Wow.  That was a colossial waste of time and money.

Go, me!

But, what can you do?

So, then we went to the library.  Because we are gluttons for punishment.

While at the library, Handsome Dude was arguing with me about whether or not he could check out a magazine.

I said no because:

A)  He doesn’t read.

B)  He will rip it.

C)  The library will not allow it to be checked out.

Handsome Dude:  MOM!  I NEED this!

Me:  No.  You don’t.

HD:  I won’t rip it!

Me:  We aren’t getting it.

HD:  Yes we are!

Me:  No, we are not.

HD (loud for all the world to hear):  MOM!  I NEED THIS MAZ-A-GEEN FOR WHEN I POOP!  I NEED IT!  TO POOP!  POOP, MOM!  POOP!

Ah, joyous.

Finally, we had to use the bathroom before we left the library.  The bathroom routine for outings is getting a tad old.  I am with the boys in the same stall (lucky me).  Little Dude still needs to take off his shoes, pants, and underwear.  He still straddles the toilet backwards.  He still sings train songs.  And he still takes forever and a day to have a successful elimination.

Handsome Dude is a speedy little guy, yet his accuracy rate into the toilet is lacking.

I, myself, do quite well, and am a seasoned pro.

Well, this final bathroom run was about the 6th trip to the bathroom that day.  And I gotta admit, the excitment was wearing off.

So, as I got ready to go, Handsome Dude, my blessed son, shouted for all the world to hear:

“Look!  Here comes Mom’s big bum again!”

And that, my dear readers, is why I deserved that expensive coffee for the trip home.

Gas to and from town:

$40

ER trip for two well-behaved boys

$1,000,000,000,000

Wendy’s for lunch

$11

Having your son proclaim the largeness of your rear for all the world to hear:

Priceless.

Happy Tuesday!

PS-This is your friendly, safety reminder to make sure your kids cannot, I repeat, cannot find any medicines or other things they should not have.

PPS-Or else you might have to spend lots of money and worry on a snowy, Tuesday afternnon.

PPPS-And you might hear that you have a big bum.

Yes.  Hello.  Good Morning.

On Saturday, we went to help David’s parents work at their property for a bit.  And when I say “we”, I, of course, mean David.

His parents are putting up sheets of something that resembled wood on the ceiling of their shop.

?

I think.  I don’t really know what was going on.  But I do know my husband is a superstar with a tool belt and a ladder.

It was quite the show.  I pulled up a chair to watch for a bit.  I figure that these are the sorts of things he must do all day whilst I am trapped in Ruralville homeschooling his offspring.

First, let us discuss his tool belt.  It has many contraptions, holders, hooks, pockets, nooks, and crannies.  It puts all womens’ purses to shame. 

So, as he is perched precariously on a ladder, he just swiftly pulls a hammer from behind him, uses it to do whatever-it-is he was doing, and then, without looking, he would just toss it behind his back and it would magically land in a special metal-ish hook in the tool belt.

Amazing!

So, he would be on a ladder.  This is scary enough for me in and of itself.  But, alas.  He would need to be across the room. 

But who has time to dismount the ladder and move it? 

Not my husband.

So, he would just swing his body and move the ladder while he was still on it in one, swift, dangerous move.

As a result of me seeing what he actually does when my watchful eye is not around, I fear I am going to have to request that he wears a safety helmet to work everyday.

I’m sure he won’t get made fun of by the other manly-men.

In other news, the sun came out this weekend.  And I am happy to report that I wore a 3/4 length sleeve shirt. 

Oh, yes.  I did.

We are not ready for short sleeves here in these parts.  But the 3/4 length sufficed.  I believe it reached-

Dare I say it?

60 degrees!

Holla!

On Easter Sunday, Handsome Dude was a bit confused.

Shocking.

Me:  We need to get ready!

HD (short for Handsome Dude . . . keep up!):  No!

Are we impressed with the boy’s obedience skills?

Me:  It’s Easter Sunday!

HD:  It is?!?  Yay!  Easter Sunday!  When will we get to Easter?

Me:  Huh?  We are not going to Easter.  We are going to church.

HD:  NO!  We are going to Easter.  To see God.  At Heaven.  Let’s go!

Me:  Buddy, we are not going to Heaven today.

HD:  YES WE ARE!

And then, in true Handsome Dude form, he threw himself on the ground in a fit of fury and rage.

So, that was festive.

After church, we went to my sister in law’s house and she put on a little egg hunt for the kids.

Little Dude.

Handsome Dude.  He’s looking confused.  Weird.

My niece . . .

“Just give me the candy and nobody gets hurt”

This is the only picture I have of my girls.  They were like flashes of pastel running about, showing the small children no mercy.

Sweet Pea’s dress was apparently even coming apart in the back as a result of gazelle-like swiftness.

The girls brought one of their bunnies to show their cousins.

On a side note, aren’t my nieces’ dresses cute?  They were crocheted by one of their loving aunts.

Ha!  Not me!

Her name is Rachel.  And she is more woman than I’ll ever be.

For I know not how to even sew on buttons.

Holla, Rachel!

So, there you have it.  A weekend recap.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

PS-I am sorry that I used the word “holla” twice.  That is a bit excessive for a Monday morning.

PPS-Do you think it would be ok for me to cancel homeschooling so I can massively clean my house today?

PPPS-We are having guests over for dinner and I need to figure out how to make it look like no children live here.  Or dogs.  Or rabbits.  Or Lumberjackish husbands. 

Wish me luck!

What you are about to see is true.

It is a picture that I took from my back door on this, the morning of April 22nd, in the year 2011.

You saw it here first, folks.  Snow in the latter part of April.

And now, for your reading pleasure, I would like to give you a little sampling of what sorts of status updates my Facebook newsfeed page will be littered with today:

“Seriously?  Snow?!?!?!”

“That’s it.  I’m moving.  LOL.”

“Nooooooo.  Snow!”

“Somebody needs to tell Mother Nature that it is spring.”

“Can somebody help me find my sled?”

“I really, really miss my friend, Taylor.  Life is so dull without her.”

That would be from my dearheart friend, Bimlissa.  Pray for her.  She struggles without me.

“Snow!”

“I need sun!”

“Go away snow!”

“Ugh.  It’s snowing.”

Ah, yes.  Redundant, crazy weather postings.  It is one of the tragedies of Facebook that we must all endure.

***

Handsome Dude has been feeling a bit ill as of late.  He is currently moaning and groaning and certain he is in need of soda pop.

HD (short for Handsome Dude . . . keep up!):  Can I play outside in the snow?

Me:  Well, if you are sick, that might not be a good idea.

HD:  I not sick!

Me:  Dude!  You just said you were sick!

HD:  I am only sick in the house.  I am not sick outside.

Hmmm . . .

***

Little Dude thinks I am wee awesome.

He watches me get ready in the mornings . . .

“Mommy!  You wee handsome!”

Last night we were watching a movie and there was a pretty lady.

“I like her!  She like mommy!  She wee handsome!  I like her!”

Don’t be jealous, readers.  Not everyone can be as handsome as I.

***

In other news, we dyed Easter Eggs yesterday. 

I am a little hesitant to share this with you all, seeing as how you all thought I was uber weird for making my own laundry soap, but I made my own Easter Egg Dye.

Why?

Because who has time to go to the store? 

It was super simple.  Just 1tsp of vinegar, 1 1/2 cups hot water, and drops of food coloring.  See?  Easy.  And if the kids colored on the egg with crayons before dipping them in the color, they could make designs.

This one is “lellow.”

Sweet Pea has been full of pre-pre-teenage angst and been refusing to wear her glasses as of late.

And I am beginning to think that she thinks she is too cool for me.

Convenient.

Daisy Mae, however, thinks I am the bee’s knees.  Every little thing I do is magic and I am a “lubbely mudder.”

Little Dude.

*sigh*

Little Dude does not get the concept of “gentle.”  He dug his claws of death fingers into the poor eggs and even cracked one.

So, the kids ate it.

Here are the boys pretending to like it:

Did you know that I have a steadfast rule against children sitting on the countertops?

Are you impressed with my parenting skills?  Or skillz?  Whichever you prefer.

As we were coloring the eggs, snow started to fall.

Daisy Mae had been complaining of a “head-ick” all day long.  So she had those ridiculous whatever-they-are-called’s on her eyes all day to block out light.

Such drama for a 7 year old.  I wash my hands of it.

***

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend.  We are in the process of watching The Ten Commandments with the kids . . . I cannot tell a lie . . . they are completely and udderly befuddled.  Yet, we shall press on and continue with this tradition.

I hope you remember the true meaning of Easter this year as you are celebrating with your family.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” 

John 16:33 

Oh, how He loves you and me!

Let us talk about organization today, shall we?

As you can all imagine, I am super organized and never fail in any of my endeavors.

True.  My purse might have some room for improvement.

Things you are sure to find in my purse:

1)  Coupons.  Most are probably expired.  Yet, I keep them around for nostalgic purposes.

2)  Chapstick.  The lid will be missing.  (I blame the children)

3)  Gum.  Half opened and filled with crumbs. (I blame the children.)

4)  An old diaper.  Not used.  I am not disgusting.  I am just lazy.

5)  Small trains and cars.  These are my life blood and have saved me from many a predicament with my boys.

Would you believe that somehow my Costco card “fell” out of my wallet and was severed in half in the bottom of my purse?

How does this happen?

I blame the children.

Note:  Children are also good to blame for:  bad hair days, no “cute” clothes, missing earrings, tummy fat, being late, and a dirty house. 

So . . . how do I stay organized? 

Well.  I am not.  Really.  But I don’t think I am a complete failure. 

 Here is a random list of things I do to try and keep things running ship-shape.

And I use the phrase “ship-shape” quite loosely.

1)  I do about two loads of laundry a day.  This is awful and dreadful.  But it is better than having a mountain of laundry glaring at you every day.

2)  I do not exercise.  Who has time for it?  No.  I have other things to do.  Like laundry.  See?!   I finally came up with a good reason to not exercise.

3)  I like to buy chicken breasts when they are on sale.  Then I cook and shred them and freeze smaller portions to make dinners easier later on.

Reality:  I have done this twice.  But you can pretend you are impressed.

4)  Coming up with this list is much harder than I had anticipated it would be.  Perhaps I have been deceived in just how organized I think I am?

5)  I make lists!  Yes.  Lists are good.  I make lists of chores that need to be done.  Then I run out of time and see that there is no way I can accomplish such things.  So I throw it away and pretend it never existed.

6)  I make lists for my two older kids of chores they can do.  I do not give them the aforementioned option of throwing out their lists.  Nay.  They shall do it.  And they will like it.

7)  I pack things I need to get out the door in the morning the night before.

8)  Amazingly, I am still late to everything.

9)  I try to always make sure the dishwasher is empty before dinner.  This may sound like a dumb one.  And if so, just ignore it.

10)  I try to go through all the kids clothes 2-3 times a year and donate all items we won’t use anymore.

That’s all I got.

Don’t pretend you aren’t inspired.

What are your tips on staying organized? 

Please share.

Not that I need the help . . .

But others might.

***

I wanted to share with you all a cute story.  Do you remember how when I was potty training Little Dude, I would show him his Thomas the Train underwear and tell him not to pee on Thomas’ face?

Sure you do.

Anyways.  This morning, he had to go potty, but he was having trouble unbuttoning his pants.

Alas.  He didn’t get on the toilet in time.  He peed in his underwear.

Oh, for the devastation.

“I peed on Thomas!  I peed on Thomas!”

He cried and cried.

He found it disheartening, to say the least.  He just kept saying he was sorry to his good friend, Thomas.

I found it precious and hilarious.  And messy.

Let us hope that his mother’s brilliant potty-training methods will not scar him for life.

Happy Thursday!

(I am linking up to Kelly’s Korner today.  Click on the link to see more tips from other bloggers on organization.  I am sure they will be more helpful than I was.)

Awhile back, I was asked to share with you all how I make my own laundry soap.

I know what you are thinking . . .

“Can this girl get any weirder?!”

Probably.

But, that’s not the point.

I suppose these are the sorts of things people do once they move out into the middle of nowhere and start homeschooling their children.

But, I digress.

Raising four kids on one income is tricky.  Therefore and henceforth, I am trying to embrace frugality.  It does not come easily to me.

I found this recipe for liquid laundry soap off of the Duggar Website.

Homemade Laundry Detergent

You will need:

1- 5 gallon bucket

1-Fels Naptha bar or bar of Ivory soap

1 cup of Arm and Hammer Super Washing Soda

1/2 cup of Borax

Lots of hot water and some containers will help.

1.  Grate the bar of soap and add it to a saucepan with water.  Stir continually over medium-low heat, or until soap dissolves and is melted.

2. Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

3. Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)

-Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil.

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.

-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

Tips: 

1.  Start saving old liquid laundry soap containers.

2.  I had a hard time finding all the ingredients at first.  But all three of the items needed were found in the laundry aisle at Fred Meyer. 

3.  I had already purchased a 5 gallon bucket from Home Depot a few years ago.  I think it was around $5?

So far, it is working great!  I have had no problems and have used it since the beginning of November.  My laundry does not have that clean scent to it, though.  I have never added any scented oils.

Did that fascinate you, dear readers?

Well, good news!  I have another tip!

Cheap Fabric Softener

Take another bucket or large-ish container.

(I used an old, large, plastic animal cracker tub from Costco)

Buy a container of name brand fabric softener and add it to your container.  Fill the container twice with water and add it.

Take a cheap sponge and cut it in half.  Add it to your container.

(I used a few sponges-mine get lost . . . )

When you put your clothes into the dryer, take out one sponge, squeeze out the excess liquid, and add it to the dryer as you would a dryer sheet.

***

My husband is extremely thrilled that I have accomplished this.  I fear he believes I am “joining his team.”

I said it before, and I’ll say it again:  I will not reuse Ziplock bags.

In other news, I am also planning on making my own Easter egg dye.

Next year, to save on butchering costs, I plan to butcher all of my husband’s fresh game.

I kid!  I jest!

If you ever, ever hear of me butchering any sort of animal, please send a rescue mission out here post haste.

(Not that there’s anything wrong with that)

Happy Wednesday!

PS-I would love to hear anyone else’s tips on saving money!  Share your ideas if you can!

What I saw when I looked out my window this morning:

I shall call him, “Easter Dinner.”

I kid!  I jest! 

I know not how to fire a weapon.

This is what I saw out my window this afternoon:

I call it, “Snow.”

There’s no SNOWING in APRIL!

Blah.

Today was a busy day with lots of homeschooling to do.

Blah.

Pop Quiz, Hot Shots:  How does one teach different grade levels for each subject without losing her mind?

How on earth shall I do this when the boys are also needing to be studious?

After science class today (with the new science curriculum that I ordered . . . and we love!), Handsome Dude decided to take over and instruct the girls on some theology.

Bless his heart.

Handsome Dude:  Jesus died on the cross. 

Sweet Pea:  Who did Jesus die for?

Handsome Dude:  He died for God. 

 Handsome Dude:  And then the angels came.  And they ate Jesus.

Daisy Mae: Um . . .

Handsome Dude:  And God is everywhere.  Except if you hide in rocks.  Then He can’t see you.   I can see God’s shirt.  But I not find His legs?

I had to interrupt this intriguing lesson before my kids got any weirder.

Plus, I had to do a “hands check” with Handsome Dude.

I am exhausted.  And I ate a very large piece of leftover carrot cake just to get me through the lessons.

It was, in fact, delicious.

That is all.