The Lumberjack's Wife

A List.

1.  I am tired.

2.  I couldn’t figure out why on earth I was so tired.  And then . . . it hit me.  I have four kids.

3.  There are days when I feel like I got nothing done.  Yet, I ran around and was busy all day long.  Today was one such day.

4.  I think I already ate all my Weight Watchers Points for the week.  This is discouraging.  And foolish seeing as how I have that stupid Fat Tuesday post coming up.

5.  I am never making soup again.

Here is another list.  A list within a list, of all the reasons why I loathe making soup for dinner.

A)  It takes too long.  Sure, it fools you because soup sounds like a simple dinner.  But it is just toying with you.  I believe I used an entire dishwasher load full of dishes to create this easy dinner.

B)  I always feel I must serve something with the soup.  Like salad.  Or cornbread.  Or both.  Therefore, I need plates and bowls. 

C)  Like I have time to set plates and bowls out when setting the table.

D)  Making cornbread also requires vast amounts of dishes.

E)  And then I have to attempt to find the honey in my Pantry of Doom.  This wastes at least five minutes of my life and gives the children ample opportunity to conquer and destroy yet another room of the house.

F)  Cornbread and honey is a winning combination.

G)  My kids are not tidy with the soup.

H)  Nor are they tidy with the cornbread. 

I)  My husband doesn’t really like soup.

J)  I can’t make decent soup.

K)  I hate making soup.

6)  So.  Tonight I decided to make soup for dinner. 

And during that time, I got a phone call for a vacation rental booking.  This is good news for the checking account, bad news for the soup.

 Then, Lucy was naughty.  This is not surprising.  My husband was repairing brakes and needed my help.  Like I am “helpful” when it comes to car mechanics.  Handsome Dude stole gum.  And Little Dude threw up in the tub.

7)  So the soup failed.  But don’t lose heart!  I was able to turn it into a delicious chicken and rice casserole.

8)  The fact that the soup transitioned so well into a casserole is further evidence of my inability to make soup.

9)  We are having issues with Lucy.  She has found a significant other and she messes with the neighbor’s horse.

Lucy is a hussy.  Who knew?!

10)  Also:  she does not come when she is called.  Ever.

11)  Today, I had to get her away from the neighbor’s horse.  And she would not come to me.  So, I, being the wise mother that I am, sent one of my children out there to tempt her.

12)  Fun Fact:  Lucy enjoys attacking my children.

LucyFur.

13)  So, I sent Sweet Pea out as Lucy-bait.  As soon as Lucy jumped on Sweet Pea, I was able to snag her by her collar and drag her on home.

No children were harmed in the making of this tragic day.

14)  After Handsome Dude had pushed 14 million of my buttons today, I told him he had to wait for his dad to come home.

And then, his dad would punish him.

Oh for the weeping and the gnashing of teeth.

So, David came home. I gave him the lowdown.  Then David told Handsome Dude to sit on the stairs and wait for him.

HD (short for Handsome Dude . . . keep up!):  Where is Dad go-ning?

Me:  To the bathroom. 

HD:  Oh.  Why he not punch me?

ha!  He thought his dad was going to “punch” him, not punish him.

Yes.  I am a stellar parent.

No.  No one was punched today.

Yet.

And now, I must go to bed.

For I am tired and perturbed.

Farewell.

Top Reasons Why Little Dude is Now My Favorite Child:

1)  He sleeps in underwear for naps and wakes up dry.

2)  He poops in the toilet ever since his minor hiccup on day one.

3)  We were out from 9am until 6pm today and he went in the toilet all day.

4)  He sings train songs when he is on the toilet.  I appreciate this.  It spices things up and keeps boredom at bay.

5)  What’s his favorite song you ask?  “Down by the station, early in the morning, see the little puffer bellies all in a row . . .”  Yes.  He has good taste.

He has made my life super easy with potty training and I shall remain forever grateful to the little lad.

The worst moment was actually caused by Handsome Dude.

Shocking.

Handsome Dude decided to haul out the plunger and toilet brush and do who-knows-what to the toilet water whilst Little Dude was attempting to have a successful elimination.

I am not sure what events transpired in that tiny bathroom . . . all I know is there were numerous droplets of some sort of liquid sprinkled about the bathroom.

Ooooh.  It just gives me the peepee shivers. (ha!)

Want to know what else gives me the peepee shivers?

Watching Little Dude in the public bathrooms.  You see, Little Dude prefers to straddle the toilet backwards.  And as he is sitting atop the PUBLIC toilet seat, and singing his train songs of course, he likes to rub . . . everything.

He rubs the lid.

He rubs the top of the tank.

He rubs the entire seat.

What on earth am I going to do about this?  Is it safe to bleach him?

See?  Disgusting.

In other fun potty-training news, I used a reader tip from back when Handsome Dude was potty training.

You should all feel free to steal it.  It will make you feel brilliant and ridiculous all at the same time.

1)  Take a pair of underwear that has some sort of known character on it. I chose Thomas the Train.  You may choose as you deem fit.

2)  Pull a fast one on your kid and make him believe that the aforementioned character is talking to him.

3)  In your best Thomas-y voice, say the following sentence:  “Hi, there buddy!  Please don’t pee on my face!”

4)  Throughout the day, shout:  “Don’t pee on Thomas’ face!”  to your child.

5)  Hope no one hears you.

6)  Bask in your brilliance.

You’re Welcome.

So.  I think that’s gonna conclude my potty training posts.

I hope.

***

Handsome Dude went to the doctor today for his 4 year check up.  The doctor predicted that he will most likely be about 6’4″.

Wowza!

When I told Handsome Dude that he might someday be taller than his dad, he said,

“Ok!  And then I will get a DS!”

(His sisters each have one)

Yes.  When you are 6’4″, we shall buy you a Nintendo DS.  But only then.

That boy . . .

Happy Wednesday!

Oh, yes. The time has come.

The boy must grow up.

Now.  I must admit to you today:  I loathe the potty training.  L-O-A-T-H-E.

On Monday morning, whilst Little Dude was in the bath, I had an epiphany.

Oh, yes.  An epiphany.

Little Dude is not so little anymore.  And as cute as diapers are, I decided it might be best to give the boy a good start in life and teach him how to properly use a toilet.

It’s the least I can do.

So, directly after his bath (and he didn’t splash and make a huge mess and frustrate his mother . . . not), I stuck him on the toilet and wished him the best of luck.

And he peed about a gallon out right then and there.

He can be taught!

And apparently, he can be taught much quicker than his older brother.  Who can forget that nightmare?

Anyways, I am happy to report that on Potty Training:  Day One, Little Dude had five successful eliminations.

And probably about five failures.  But when it comes to potty training, let us perceive the glass as half full, shall we?

So, later on in the evening, my husband FORCED us to all help him fulfill his dream of being a logger and DRAGGED us outside for some intense, manual labor.

The nerve.

His grand, master plan is to trim each and every tree and clear out all the brush and weeds on the entire 20 acres.  I expect we will finish this fun project when Sir Lumberjack retires.  Or until I fake a horrible injury that gets me out of this nonsense.

Whichever comes first.

So, I was weed wacking and hauling brush and yelling at naughty kids and stepping in dog poop.  Good times, good times.  But in all my manual labor, I kinda, sorta forget that all that seperated Little Dude from his plumbing parts was a pair of Buzz Lightyear underwear.

And that’s when I noticed him walking funny . . . almost as if he were a little saddle sore.  So, I rushed him inside, pulled down his pants and saw a horrific amount of poo.

Me:  Dude! 

LD (short for Little Dude . . . keep up!):  What?!

Me:  You poo’d in your pants!

LD (looking shocked):  Oh!  I did?

Me:  Yes!  You are supposed to go poo in the toilet!

LD:  Ohhhhhh!  Poo goes in the tullet (toilet)?  O-TAY!

So.  We can expect that Little Dude shall go poo in the tullet from here on out, seeing as how he was just misinformed as to where the poo should go in the first place.

***

On a side note, my husband makes fun of me. 

Shocking, I know.

He feels that I don’t have the proper “work” attire that one needs to be a Lumberjill.

I was wearing my Old Navy jeans and North Face jacket.

(I know.  I am such a “brand-name” dropper.  ha!  Get it?  Ok.  That was dumb.)

Anyways, immediately after he worked us all like dogs, he looked on Ebay for me to have my very own Carhartt’s Women’s Work Jacket.

Please.

Try to contain your jealousy.

Perhaps I shall get one soon.  And you will all drool over my awesomeness.

Yes.  You will.

Farewell!

Welcome to Fat Tuesday:  The “Wow” edition.

If you can recall, and you probably can’t, I promised you last week that this week would be my “wow” week.

I shall not disappoint you.

I lost . . . one pound!

Wow.

Ok.  So maybe that isn’t as wow-ish as one might hope.  But it is for me!

Let us go over the week’s wins and fails, shall we?

I recorded my Weight Watchers Points about 70% of the time!

Win! (for me)

It was a birthday bonanza over here last week.  I was in the presence of three birthday cakes and numerous containers of ice cream.  And I still lost weight!

Win!

I did not do any formal exercise.

Fail!

However, we have gone into crisis mode with Lucy these days.  It is a long story.  But I did attempt to walk her on a leash about 4 times! 

Win!

Trust me.  It was a good workout.  For my arms.

Win!

Did you know that you can eat lots of deli turkey and it is only 1 WW point?

WIN!

Guess who had a plethora of turkey sandwiches for lunch this week?

Taylor!

Did you know that there are some pretty delicious “light” ice creams out there?

Win!

And if you add Oreo crumbs, whipped cream, and chocolate syrup, the “light” ice cream is even more delicious?

Fail!

I have discovered that if I eat an entire bag of my favorite “Homestyle” popcorn, I have consumed 14 points plus.

Fail!

Not that I can eat an entire bag all by myself.

Lie!

Nor would I eat an entire bag all by myself.

Big Lie!

I have been “helping” David clear brush and trim trees around our property.  And seeing as how I was exhausted, had an aching back, and had Jell-O arms . . . well . . . I’m going to say I got in some good exericse. 

Win!

***

Alright!  Only 2 more check-ins left.  I think?  Math is hard.  Especially when you need more coffee.

How was your week?

Here are some questions for you:

1)  What are some of your favorite “light” snacks?  I have a feeling my 14 points bag of popcorn should be eliminated.  But it is delicious, so I am making no promises.

2)  How do you keep from dying from boredom while exercising inside?  I can’t stand it.  I would much rather have a power struggle with Lucy and her leash or feign to help David “work” outside than be stuck inside running (ok, walking) in place.

Happy Tuesday!

Daisy Mae is 7 today.

I don’t feel like this is fair or right.  She was just born and I can’t seem to stop her from growing up.  I don’t think I can call her a preschooler anymore.  Thoughts?

Here is a list of 10 of my favorite memories and thoughts towards Daisy Mae:

1)  I call her my little mother.  She is very attentive to Little Dude.  She loves to read to him, help him get dressed, and be his buddy.  Awhile ago when he had gotten hurt, he preferred her over me!

2)  She loves chips.  She refuses to eat chocolate cake and asks for a bowl of chips instead.

3)  According to Daisy Mae, my homemade pizza is the best in the world (I assure you, it is not).  Therefore, I shall be making her some for dinner tonight.

4)  She is never allowed into a dressing room with me again.  Ever.  My self-esteem cannot take all the poking, giggling, and puzzled looks from her.

5)  She is most happy when she is doing something with somebody.  She does not like to play on her own.  She would rather help me do the dishes than play quietly in her room.

6)  She asks many questions my friends.  Many.

7)  She has uber cute dimples.

8)  Watching “America’s Funniest Home Videos” with her is torturous.  She does not get anything, nor does she understand why “the people” are laughing.

9)  She had some spending money last month and she made sure to buy only things she could share with her siblings.

10)  She is very adventurous and is always up for trying something new with her dad.  Even if her mother greatly protests it.

***

So, the years are going by too quickly.  I am sure you all can relate.  But I have decided to try and be thankful that I have had so many years with my children.  Instead of being a bit sad that my little girl is 7 today, I am going to try to remind myself that I am blessed to have been able to be her mother for 7 years . . . and, God willing, many more.

I have shared this story before, but when I was pregnant with Daisy Mae, the doctors felt that she would not live early on in the pregnancy.  I prayed and begged God to let me have this baby.  I had never prayed that hard for anything else in my life.

And I have her, thank God.

So, instead of feeling sad, I am going to  remind myself of how blessed I truly am. 

Happy Birthday to Daisy Mae!

Daisy Mae’s Verse:

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

Handsome Dude is 4 today.  I am having a hard time believing this fact, seeing as how he was just born yesterday.

Oh, how I love this boy. 

This child has the ability to drive me nuts and make my heart melt . . . all in the same day.

And now, a list of my favorite memories for Handsome Dude.

1)  His old man baby face.

2)  His misuse of the word “wee.”  It is his favorite pretend word.

“I wee scared!”

“You wee nice!”

“Jesus wee naughty.”

Yes.  He wee did say that.  And, yes.  I corrected him.  To which he replied:

“You wee mean!”

3)  He brought snow into his room so he could play “dark forest.”

4)  He loves to get the mail for me.  True, he drops each letter in the mud multiple times on his way back.  But the thought is sweet.

5)  He is quite responsible with his glasses.  And I use the term “responsible” quite loosely.

6)  He prefers to wear his underwear backwards.  You should try it sometime.  He assures us that his way is most comfortable.

7)  He loves his dad and aspires to be just like him.

8)  If I let him play outside, he yells and shouts:

“Thanks, Mom!  You the best!  The best!”

9)  He loves to do outside chores.  If I send him out to pick up garbage that is strewn about (LucyFur) he acts like I just offered him a trip to Disneyland.

10)  He loves naptime.  And for this, I shall be forever thankful.

***

Daisy Mae wrote Handsome Dude a birthday card:

Allow me to interpret, if I may:

To you. (She means, Happy Birthday to you.  She must have been short on time.)  Hi.  Your birthday is today.  I love it when you kiss me (She really does.  She is a kisser, that girl.)  Your heart.  (This phrase is open to interpretation.  Perhaps she is saying she loves his heart?  Maybe she is saying his heart is kind?  We cannot be certain.)  Love me love Daisy Mae.

***

Happy Birthday to my little man!

” . . . So be strong, show yourself a man, and observe what the Lord your God requires:  Walk in his ways and keep his decrees and commands.”

1 Kings 2: 2b-3a

Before we go any further, we must discuss the pot coffee.

Reader Shannon commented:

Please explain pot coffee as I’m from a different part of the country and my mom was a hippie.

Ha!

For shame, Shannon.  For shame.

Pot coffee?

This is pot coffee.

(source)

No.  I do not feel as if I must say pot of coffee.  I have always called it pot coffee.  And I stand by my convictions to do so.

I am cool like that.

Let’s move on.

Bimlissa finally came to see me on Friday.  We had a lovely visit.  Before she left, she wanted to get a picture of the two of us.

I can’t say that I blame her.

So, we had to ask the four giggling girls to be in charge of capturing our special moment in time.

First, we gave the girls specific instructions to only take pictures from the neck up.  Under no circumstances were there to be any tummies showing.

But we all know how well four giggling girls listen.

I looked over at Bimlissa.  She was cheating.  She had a baby on her lap.

So.  I summoned one of mine.

True.  My baby is just a little bit older.  But fair is fair.

Now, girls.  Make sure you tell us which camera to look at.

And don’t forget!  Faces only!

I didn’t want to say anything, but my baby was cooperating much better than Bimlissa’s baby.

Yes.  I was wearing slippers.  What of it?

I don’t want to seem boastful, but methinks our girls have a future in photography.

This was the absolute best one:

I kid!  I jest!

This was the best one:

I will have you know that Bimlissa put up numerous pictures on Facebook of all of her friends that she saw on her trip.

Yet, she did not put one of these gems up. 

I fear she is ashamed of me.

I sure showed her.

Happy Monday!