On Thursday, I wrote a post called, “Last Valentine’s Day.”
You remember.
The one where I learned my husband has taken several animal bodies to the dump?
Well, in the aforementioned post, I included a picture of my parents.
And I told you that the story behind that picture was a story for another day.
Guess what?
Today is that day.
So, my parent’s were on this cruise for their 30th wedding anniversary.
Yikes!
They are old.
Anyways, as some of you might be aware, when you are on a cruise, you have the option to do little excursions.
Now, I was obviously not there.
No.
They left me and my man behind so we (and when I say we, I mean he) could throw away the carcass of their dog.
What are kids for?
So, of course, I will be taking liberties with this story.
I would guess that about 42% of is factual.
Enjoy.
*********
(My parents names are Grant and Connie)
Grant: We should pick out an excursion.
Connie: Yes! We should definitely do that, pal.
Interruption: I am certain that my parents are never romantic with one another.
They are just super good friends.
Because that is simply too weird to think about.
And wrong.
Do not inform me otherwise.
I do not wish to know.
Thank you.
Grant: Well, what sounds good to you, buddy?
They looked through the catalog.
Scuba diving? No.
Parasailing? No.
Rock climbing.? Definitely not.
Jeep ride through the country side? Now we’re talkin’.
Connie: Dear friend, we should try this Jeep ride through the country side!
Grant: Great idea!
Connie: It is perfect. I mean, you own a Jeep. We like Jeeps! And it is probably air-conditioned!
Grant: Yes. I am sure it has air-conditioning and hopefully satellite radio. Just like my Jeep.
Connie: Let’s just hope it has leather interior.
Grant: Of course, buddy ol’ pal! Great idea! Let’s do it!
And then they high-fived.
The next day, they showed up for their exciting adventure.
And much to their surprise, this was the kind of Jeep they were given:
And this is the kind of Jeep my dad owns:
Now, you must know a few things about my parents before we continue:
1) They do NOT like to get dirty. Ever. My dad sometimes showers 2-3 times a day.
2) My mom does NOT like her hair to get messed up.
3) My mom does NOT like her makeup to get messed up.
4) Both of them loathe wrinkles in their clothes.
Wrinkles are the devil.
Starch spray is their friend.
5) My mom blow dries her hair while camping.
6) She probably irons her undies
7) They both greatly dislike being hot.
8) They are not ever daring or adventuresome.
9) Anyone who is daring or adventuresome is a “clown”
10) They always high-five each other before bed. They never kiss.
Because they are my parents.
And that would be gross.
So, they show up for their excursion, freshly showered, make-up’d, blow-dried, and ironed.
Ready for their air-conditioned ride through the country side.
Instead they are shown this Jeep:
They are paired up with another young couple.
Who, as you may have guessed, would later be dubbed “clowns.”
And they are given bandanas to keep the dust out of their mouths.
Oh, perfect!
And they paid for this!
So, they get in the Jeep.
My dad volunteers to drive . . . as to avoid any “clownish-ness.”
There is no, I repeat, there is no air conditioning.
Or Satellite radio.
Or any radio.
They get covered in dust.
They get drenched in mud.
They visit a tequila factory.
They have a lovely picnic at the beach.
Then they turn around.
They get drenched in mud again.
They get covered in dust.
They removed their bandanas
And went back to their rooms and took showers.
After which, I am sure they blow-dried, flat-ironed, make-up’d, and clothes-ironed.
And then they high-fived and went to dinner.
The End.
High-fived? You crack me up.
I believe the high five is a deep gesture of affection – and I am sure you were high five-d into this world…..
Hey girlie – I am giving you a blog award!
http://thelittlebrownhouse.us/2010/02/13/1109/
So funny! I can see where Lumberjack must have come as a huge shock to your family. But then again, your family was probably a big shock to lumberjack as well.
Ah Taylor, I needed that today! THANKS!
Taylor, a little fact about your dad…When he was hmmm,,around high school age he used to wear his jeans like 2 months in a row without washing them. We used to kid him that he’d just step out of them and they’d stand by themselves. When your mom met your dad, she thought he was from a very poor family because of how he dressed. Now when I was younger I was the neat freak, when I got dressed everything had to look a certain way neat, ironed, clean hair perfect blah blah blah…Now it seems your dad and I have traded places, he’s the neat and tidy one, and I’m 55 and just really don’t care anymore…..Ask your dad about when we connecte his record player to speakers in Covina….Love ya, Uncle Greg
Rich and I love to kiss in front of the kids because it totally weirds them out. Which is fun.
I agree. Parents should high-five and be buddies. Except when mine kiss in front of me and I shudder a little. Yes, I know I am 29, the youngest of three kids, and old enough to know better, but I am certain they just kiss occasionally in front of me to freak me out.
I am totally weirded out and it isn’t because of your parents high-fiving you into the world. It’s because your parents have only been married about six years longer than I have….am I really old? Are you SURE? I might not sleep tonight.
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Girl you crack me up! I love your mother and know that she has a great sense of humor, for your sake is a blessing because my mom would kill me for telling that story! Keep the stories coming!
I just read this to my husband. I laughed. A lot.
I cannot let this go. First, we do not mind getting dirty. Ask your uncle Greg how easy it is to be in a kitchen 14 hours a day and not get “dirty”. So yes, I would take a shower in the morning and before I would go to bed. Second, we were fully aware of the vehicle we would be in. What was interesting about the excursion was that we went to a couple of villages away from the tourist areas. Third, although I did not want to drive due to my concern of spending the rest of my life in a Mexican jail should some “clown” run out in front of me, I drove. Turns out that he other couple we went with had the same concerns. Our Jeep along with another got separated from the rest of the group assuring
I don’t know what happened, I must have hit submit. Anyway, we were convinced that we had jail time coming for stealing the jeeps. We both had a great time.
Lastly, This High Five Good Buddy Thing. The only time I recall doing this with your mother was when Bush beat Gore. Only to wake up to discover that liberal fink was out to steal the election. Yes, The same Gore who invented the internet allowing me the forum to call him a “LIBERAL FINK”.Yes, The same nut job who is now calling global warming climate change. No matter, my grandchildren will all have a clear understanding of all this nonsense upon your return from wherever your going to next week.
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