So, my dashing hunter-ish husband left for his extended “tour de elk” last Saturday.
My parents brought their camp trailer and a lot of fiber and have been camping at my house since then. We have had good-times-family-fun-togetherness.
As I type this, I was just interrupted with a fantastic Goober Parent Update, and I must share it with you post haste.
First, allow me to set the scene:
They are sitting on a couch about 3 feet apart and they are randomly attacked my Lumberjacklings whilst watching “The Muppets Take Manhattan.”
Mom: Grant! Is your cell phone charged?
Dad: Huh?
Mom: Your phone! Is it charged?
Dad: We can set it for whatever time you want.
Mom: Huh?
Dad: WE CAN SET IT FOR WHATEVER TIME! IT DOESN’T MATTER!
Mom: GRANT! IS YOUR CELL PHONE CHARGED?
Dad: I don’t understand what the problem is.
Me: DAD! SHE IS JUST MAKING SURE YOUR CELL PHONE IS CHARGED.
Dad: Oh. Yes. It is.
****
Fantastic.
Moving on.
My husband is gone. I am sure he misses me terribly. I asked him if I could make him some cookies or brownies or something else awesome like that.
Nope. He just wanted me to make him two blackberry cobblers.
He is weird, is he not?
***
News of Great Shock:
Handsome Dude has broken his glasses.
I repeat.
He has broken his glasses.
***
In other news:
I am officially stupid.
I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah, allowed our family to get a puppy on the very day my husband left for this hunting nonsense.
And I’ve learned something about puppies, dear readers.
Puppies are uber naughty.
Sure. They look cute.
But did you know that this dog, who is named demon puppy Lucy, tried to eat my carpet?
Oh, yes. She did.
Also:
She tries to eat my throw pillows, my children, my towels, my shoes, my pants, my couch, my paper, my crayons, her leash, and every single sock in the house.
Guess what she does not eat: the $7 chew toy we bought her.
Another fun fact about Lucy: Lucy does not sleep through the night.
Oh, the humanity!
And the worst event ever happened on this very morn.
My Mom: Taylor! Lucy is eating a mouse!
Me: What? Are you sure?
Mom: Yes! It’s disgusting!
Me: Well, what I am going to do about it?
Mom: I don’t know! But I am not doing anything about it!
Me: Well, I am certainly not going to touch a mouse!
Mom: Hey. It’s your dog.
Me: Do I need to worry about it?
Mom: Yes. Mice are gross.
Me: I know! Can you do it?
Mom: Nope.
Whatever, Mom.
So. I got a broom and got to chase Lucy around the plantation whilst a mouse carcass was entrapped in her tiny, cute jaws.
Clearly I do not know what I am doing.
Although it seems as if I don’t know what I am doing in a lot of situations.
What can I say? I can be clueless.
Probably because I wasn’t breastfed.
Whatever, Mom.
Alright.
So . . . does anyone know how to make a puppy be super good, pee outside, not bite children, sleep through the night, and abstain from chewing on mice bodies?
Please Advise.
Two words Taylor… Crate Training. Get one and use it religiously. Your carpet, shoes, children, and floors will thank you.
Agreed!! Maycie goes in her kennel when I am gone because she is also a naughty doggie. Also, if you can’t keep your eye on puppy they can go in there. This way she has a “home” where she can be cozy and stuff! So exciting that you gots a new pup! yaaay!!!
Agreed times three.
She will actually like her crate after a while. Allow her some time to get away from the kiddies.
And that’s all the advice I can give. Justy brought a mouse into the house on Sunday himself. I thought it was a stick in his mouth and grabbed it. :/
Oh Taylor dear…. oh dear Taylor…oh the humanity.. there are no words. amen.
Oh my. I say definitely blame it on the no-breastfeeding stuff. 🙂
About the dog? I can offer no help whatsoever. So so sorry. I’ll pray! Is that good?
http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Puppy-Kindergarten/dp/B0042VXK5K/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=digital-video&qid=1286855718&sr=1-2
Buy this, watch it…post haste! =)
Buy a Kong toy.
Fill it with peanut butter.
Freeze it.
Leave puppy in her crate with treat and walk away. Works wonders.
(Lucy is lucky that she’s so cute!)
Oh my heavens! I am so howling with laughter! Taylor, I kid you not. I babysit three grandchildren under the age of ten, with TWO puppies. One is an Alpha Mare Chihuahua who rules the free world and the other is a Westhighland Terrior because my son is not content to be the only male in a household of three females. On any given day I lose my mind completely. I’ve decided the lady who trained Oprah’s dogs has a nice method so I started using http://www.tamargeller.com/ But then I saw that Ceasar guy on the news and use his funny SHSHHHH sound before the command. It started working on the chihuahua. But she’s six months old. The Westie is only two so he has a ways to go. Puppies are chaos to the maximum.
Sounds like things are pretty crazy at your house. Sorry, no puppy advice, but she sure is cute 🙂 To throw a little something fun at you, I’m having a giveaway over on my blog. Come on over — maybe your luck will change! 🙂
What are you doing??? You are crazy, lady. Crazy. A puppy? Oh my. A puppy is just like a newborn. They have their nights and days mixed up and it takes awhile for them to figure it out.
I love you, dear, but you are a glutton for punishment! 🙂 Good luck and Godspeed!
A new baby in the house! 🙂 Can you train puppies to sleep at night like you can a baby? hmmmm super cute puppy, she is just trying to take care of your mice problem! At least you have plenty to do to keep yourself busy while Lumberjack is gone! Thanks for the laugh tonight.
I am soooo glad your parents are there!! Especially with Ms. Lucy and her mice eating! Never a dull day in Ruralville =)
What an utterly gorgeous puppy! My first thought was though, ‘I bet she pees everywhere!’ They learn in time and the loves she gives you and the calming effect of stroking her is worth the effort. Really!
Your right – Oh the humanity of it all.
Having a puppy sleep wise is like having another baby. You forget about that when thinking of adding to the family though. I forget how long it lasts with dogs, but dear Lucy will surely sleep through the night soon:):)
And, yes, puppy’s are super naughty too. As Cesar would say, you need to reclaim your home from cute little Lucy. If you don’t know who Cesar is, you want to. Here is a link to his site- http://www.cesarsway.com/tips . There is also a puppy tip section that may help.
Good Luck! (you are going to need it:)
Your mom & dad… hilarious! Sounds like mine – hehe.
Puppy? I agree they are cute, but that’s where it ends. Our blue heeler chewed our doors, walls, fence, shoes – lots of shoes, furniture and everything else when he was a puppy. Crate training helped – a LOT. He’s now 12 yrs old and now really cute.
This post was too funny!
I agree with someone’s comment about crate training. As for eating everything, it is most likely teething and with proper training, will get over it, eventually.
So to recap: Parent – hunting husband + puppy – HD’s glasses = one crazybusy Taylor! Bless your heart!
Crate training is a must! As soon as that puppy wakes up from a nap, whisk her outside and stay with her until she pees. Praise her up to the skies. Every time she eats, same thing until she poops. Good luck! 🙂 🙂
I second the crate training method, but sadly, the only real cure for puppy behavior is having them turn 2. Sorry.
knew you would get a puppy soon because people with lots of kids have already lost all their mental faculties and therefore cannot think through the dangerous possibilities of adding a pet baby to their brood. Puppies, babies and kittens are cute so that you don’t kill them when they’re uber naughty. I have no suggestions other than to encourage Lucy to pee and/or chew on the peach walls so that you have to repaint? : ) Glad your parents are with you while you are a hunting widow. I have no one with me, but that’s okay because I welcome having one or two less males in the house. : )
I feel your pain…my pup is 10 months old and I still can’t leave a stack of magazines or the toilet paper anywhere within her reach….magazines are torn to shreds and spread EVERYWHERE, and the TP is rolled out all over the house (from room to room) and how she does it without breaking the sheets is beyond me ! Just train Ms Lucy, love her, train her again, and love her some more and she will grow up to a beautiful adult doggie!! (And try not to her kiss you on the mouth…especially after the mouse…just saying….)
Taylor.
You are a glutton for punishment.
1. Crate training for sure. It will change your life.
2. Bitter Apple-it comes in a spray and is sold in pet stores (are there pet stores in ruralville?) Anyway, spritz it around on whatever lovely little Lucy likes to chew on and it becomes repellent to the dog.
3. Obedience school as soon as she is old enough to go.
4. Lucy is awfully cute.
5. Perhaps Handsome Dude can blame the broken glasses on the puppy?
6. The parent story confirms for me that I am not a goober.
7. You are a little bit insane.
8. And also cute.
Crates are a gift from God, of that I am sure.
My sister is a dog trainer, want to borrow her?
Time…really…with Goldens and Labs…they are just flat out naughty until they are 2 years old. I have given up on pups and started adopting rescue dogs that are at least 1 year old. I don’t have the stamina for pups…
Therefore…I will pray for you!
Yes–crate training! And forget about the mouse eating! Yay! less mice to invade your house and car!
You are so funny. Thanks for making me laugh.
I have no puppy advice, but have been craving an American boxer girl puppy for a while now. I have 2 cats, 2 kids, and move around a lot with my Army hubby. We do NOT need a puppy. That fact doesn’t stop me from wanting this dog.
But you, you just helped me curb my desire for a puppy. Thank you very much.
By the way, was it a mouse from the trunk of your car??? Any dead mouse is better than a live one. Good puppy!!!
Okay, for some reason I could not see your blog and it kept saying it wasn’t working and I was starting to panic that I looked away and you escaped from the Internet, never to be heard of again, and it made me sad.
So I’m glad you’re magically back.
Or maybe I somehow went away into some kind or wormhole and you’ve been here the whole time and my Internet lies to me.
It’s very confusing.
But Lucy is adorable.
And now I want some cobbler.
If I go on a hunting trip could you send me some?
‘Cause I’ve never hunted before.
But I’ve never realized hunting comes with free cobbler.
Hmmm… sounds like your life is quite adventurous. The dog is darling, cute, cute! I would be so thrilled if I found my dog eating a mouse, because that would mean one less mouse in the world. I hate mice.
As far as training is concerned, go to the library, and get anything and everything Cesar Millan that you can. That guy is a dog genius…
Worse than having another child…huh? 🙂
Oh my! What a ball of cuteness, I mean badness. I second, third, fourth… crate training, it is magic.
Well first I must say, wow what wonderful clear photos of your very cute puppy.
Second I will say now you know your puppy eats mice at least you know you do not ever need to get a cat.
Third puppys gonna do what a puppys gonna do and there just isnt much you can do to change that.
I went to pet smart to buy a toy that they would say a dog could not tear up. My dog had a shredding problem. Well I came home with a tire the size of our lawn mower and a rope hanging from it. Ya 3 days I brought the shredded tire back to the store in tiny little pieces. I got a refund 🙂 My dog outgrew it once she turned about 2 1/2.
Is this another Goldie?
Yes-Golden Retriever! 🙂 If only I could fast forward to the nice, calm manners of Mabel. 🙂
You are too funny! I once had a pastor, who had a mean cat. The cat would surprise attack the family and claw up their legs. Not fun. Her name? Lucy-fur. Think about it.
Crate! Immediately! Only remove cute puppy when it goes to pee/poo and eat. Put cute puppy back in crate!
Puppies are like having babies. They cry. They don’t sleep. Oy
Oh my goodness! Lucy is adorable!
The key to getting her to do what you want is half and half. Half – consistency and Half – age (not your’s but her’s).
Take her out to pee every 30 minutes.
Seriously.
Yes, you were crazy to take on a puppy with little children still in the house, but you asked for it. Now deal.
Or else put some of those cheap Walmart diapers on her.
The age thing? Well, as you know, puppies get mellow after six or seven years.
Just saying.
Good luck to you, dear. I know that puppy is filling a huge void. Be grateful for that. (along with the sweet smell of puppy breath)
i LOVE that you got a puppy when your husband left. it was gonna be crazy anyway, why not let it be crazy fun. of course, i love the name, though i kind of would have expected mabel II. crate training is the way to go. chewing lasts for awhile unfortunately. kongs are great. they probably sell them wherever you had to travel to go to oklahhoma! with your sister. you can get a starbuck’s on your way back. glad you have your parents there with you. they sound super cute.
Taylor,
I did some translating for a dog trainer. It was “how to train your new puppy”. I will look it up and send it to you by email, well, if I have your email that is…
I will try to look tonight, it is quite interesting.