As you may or may not recall, my sister-in-law taught me how to cut my childrens’ hair.
That picture was taken WEEKS ago. Weeks ago, I tell you. Alas, it was time to cut the boys’ hair again. Only this time, I did not have the helpful, watchful eye of Lisa to guide me. But I am 30 now, so I should be able to handle these things.
Other things that have happened since I’ve turned 30:
1) I have gotten over my fear of active dry yeast.
2) I ironed on a patch for the very first time.
3) It fell off 19 minutes later.
4) I have ground up nasty elk flesh and lovingly packaged it, all for my husband.
5) I canned 119 quarts of applesauce, about 20 pints of jam, and 50ish quarts of peaches.
6) Finally found the best deodorant in the world. “Certain Dri.” Walmart. $5. Do it.
7) Not that I would ever sweat. Nope.
8) Bought the world’s largest “Mom Purse.”
I think it makes me look thinner, don’t you?
But anyways. That is neither here nor there. Let’s focus.
I cut both the boys’ hair AND David’s hair. The boys’ hair I cut with scissors, because I am conceited and certain I am already a professional. David’s hair got buzzed. Because he doesn’t trust me. And rightly so.
I cut the boys’ hair, felt it was a fantastic job, and called Lisa to brag. But then the next day, I noticed all the scissor marks everywhere.
“Oh!” I said, talking to myself as I am wont to do. “I just must have cut the wrong direction.”
So the next night, I had “Haircut Redo” night.
Little Dude: Are we gonna cut our hair every night?
Hey, Dude.
Oh, darn. No one can deny that the above photo is, in fact, hilarious. And, yes. I have been trying to figure out a way to sneak that into a post all week. Thank you for asking.
So, I did the redo and felt it was fine and splendid until about 10 minutes ago when I noticed 40 billion scissor lines. And now I think I am just going to buzz them. Because I am lame and a waste of a good 30-year-old.
I did not leave the house all week and I was feeling a bit, oh, I don’t know, INSANE. Last night, I was creating a shopping list for my dapper husband and feeling a bit jealous that he gets to go to town and I had to stay in Ruralville. Then I realized that I just HAD to go to Costco, because there is no way I am making a pumpkin pie, because I have a fear of homemade pie crust. Therefore and henceforth, I told him that I should do the shopping because he is not The Costco Member.
It was brilliant on my part, if you must know. You see, David gets to go to civilization daily. It makes more sense with the ol’ gas budget if he just picks up the groceries on the way home. But sometimes a girl just needs to go shopping. Even if it is with 4 kids on December 22nd.
I was so excited for my day out that I woke up at 5:45am. I wasn’t even planning on leaving until after lunch. But goodness, I was ready. I spent the morning “deep” cleaning the house. And I use the term “deep” quite loosely.
Quite.
I even got a big pile ready for the dump. Because we are classy and haul our own garbage everywhere, didn’t you know? To be boastful, I even called my husband and asked him if he needed me to take anything to the dump for him, the helpmeet that I clearly am.
So I loaded up four children, 3 piles for the dump, and one pair of (gasp) broken glasses.
Our first stop was the Optical Shop. And I would like you all to know that as soon as we walked in, they smiled and cheerfully said in unison:
“Look! It’s the Maliblahblahs!”
But they don’t really call us the Maliblahblahs. I’m not that weird. They fixed Handsome Dude’s glasses with nary a scowl on their faces. We ordered Sweet Pea some new glasses while we were there because her prescription changed and the doctor is obviously under the impression that we are made of money and our glasses budget runneth over.
Then we went to Costco, along with everyone else in the world. The children did great, I kid you not, and we made it out of there in record time and for under $50, which is a feat in and of itself.
Of course, when I got back to the rig, I noticed I completely forgot to go to the dump. Which was unfortunate since the back of the rig was loaded with dump stuff and I was doing my big fat shopping day.
I had all the food ads with me and was going to try and go to all the different stores and get the good deals.
But I am 30 now and way smarter than that. I threw caution to the wind and just went to Fred Meyer and, get this, checked the boys into the F-R-E-E childcare.
Why have I not thought of this before? I ask you?
Oh, it was glorious.
And the best part? When I picked the boys up, the lady, of whom Little Dude called “he” the entire time, told me they were “extremely well-behaved.” AND I should “bring them again sometime.”
?
It was a Christmas miracle. I kid you not.
So, I headed home, promising myself that I would remember to stop off at one of the MANY refuse stations on the way home.
But I forgot.
So now, I have stinky garbage in the rig. And it shall stay there for two whole days. I am such a helpful wife, aren’t I?
Happy Thursday!
Certain Dri is life changing. Good job.
We we lived near Boise, we would go to the Fred Meyer.
I looked forward to when Derek would turn two and I could put them both in the childcare. Then I would go to the magazine section and pick a few up, take them to the furniture section, and try not to care about the weird looks I got as I lounged in a recliner.
I highly suggest it.
Of course, it is fitting that we moved shortly after he turned two.
I am so stealing your idea! We have a Fred Meyer about five miles away. Only I’m dropping off 7! Haha on them!
You are a mighty and brave 30 year old to go to Costco 3 days before Christmas with 4 children..I stand in awe…
And by the way, 30 years old? Mere baby…you are but a wee little one my lady..
But if you promise to continue to amuse me with your posts I will attempt to throw some of the wisdom that comes with someone of advanced age, like myself, your way to help you along. You are welcome.
My husband moved us from the part of the country where Fred Meyer exists to South Dakota (where Fred Meyer does not exist) four years ago. I’m still bitter and resentful for a variety of reasons, and you just reminded me of another one. I miss Fred Meyer!!!! 🙁 On a happier note, Merry Christmas! 🙂
I shall return daily–for at least a week–to view the mullet picture. It’s that good.
As was your clever insertion, of course.
P.S. If you happen to need another picture sometime, I could volunteer one of my husband taken in the late 80’s. (Were you born then?) Although I must say he was one of the hottest sporters of the mullet I’ve ever laid eyes on. Not kidding.
I also tried ironing on patches and they fell off. So sad!
Costco three days before Christmas. Shudder.
Iron on patches never stay on, even when you’re over thirty so don’t feel bad.
I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!
You are very brave to go to Costco so close to Christmas. They have free spouse memberships here in Canada, not sure if it’s the same for you, but then I guess you wouldn’t get your day out. Have a very Merry Christmas!
You are very brave to go to Costco so close to Christmas. They have free spouse memberships here in Canada, not sure if it’s the same for you, but then I guess you wouldn’t get your day out. Have a very Merry Christmas!
It’s not so much dragging the kids through Costco that’s scary. It’s parking the vehicle and getting all four children SAFELY into the store that’s scary. And today is the 23rd and I had to go to Toys R Us because that is where my husband works and he forgot his keys and other important doodads for work! Now THAT’s scary!
It’s not so much dragging the kids through Costco that’s scary. It’s parking the vehicle and getting all four children SAFELY into the store that’s scary. And today is the 23rd and I had to go to Toys R Us because that is where my husband works and he forgot his keys and other important doodads for work! Now THAT’s scary!
I’m looking in my crystal ball, in your future I see many new and creative reasons for needing to visit FM. You are becoming very mesmerizing and persuasive…
Hey Taylor,
I was just wondering how old you are?
29
dude. so sorry about missing the dump. I have not lived in that city sort of near ruralville for nearly 20 years, but I do believe that a major waste collecting facility is just down the hill from fred meyer. hubs is confirming this. that is just the sort of thing i tend to forget. ugh. but i am much older than 30. and i have more kids than you. plus lots of lame excuses. again. sorry that it’s happening to your young self.