The Morning Routine (The Horror)

Some days as a parent are hard to deal with.  Wednesday was one such day.  First of all, the morning routine will be the death of me, I kid you  not.  I do not understand why THE CHILDREN must make this so difficult.

These are the reminders I must give my male offspring daily:

Get out of bed.

Please get out of bed.

Get off the floor.

Go upstairs.

No sleeping at the counter.  Make your breakfast.

No sleeping on the couch.  Make your breakfast.

Here.  I have made your breakfast.  Please eat it.

Why do we have to walk around with a blanket over our bodies all morning?  Why not put on a pajama shirt to begin with?

Please eat.

Can we work on aiming and/or flushing when using the toilet?

WASH YOUR HANDS.

EAT YOUR BREAKFAST.

Get in the shower.  I don’t care if you don’t want to go first.  Today is your lucky day.  Your brother will go downstairs, make his bed, and pick out his clothes.

Please go to the bathroom before you get in the shower.

You are taking too long in the shower.

Get out.

Get out.

Get out.

I am going to remove you soon from the shower if you do not get out.

(Meanwhile, brother has not heeded my instructions to make his bed and pick out his clothes.  He is shirtless, wrapped in a blanket, sleeping by the fire.  EVERY. DAY.  Every day, people.  Everyday.)

To the boy who just got out of the shower:  Do not lay naked by the fire.  Get dressed quickly.

To the boy who was just laying by the fire:  You are making us late.  Get in the shower.

(This boy has forgotten to pee before the shower.  He chooses to get out mid shower and pee.  His accuracy is lacking and there is now water all over the floor.)

You are taking too long in the shower.

Get out.

Get out.

Get out.

I am going to remove you soon from the shower if you do not get out.

(Meanwhile, the other boy is . . . wait for it . . . . laying naked by the fire.)

***

Seriously.  I just can’t anymore.  Then I have to take away their tablets for the LONG car ride to school because they didn’t listen.  Again. Which I feel is more of a punishment for me.  Anyways, throw in the girls fighting about whose hairbrush is whose and “Why is she looking at me so RUDELY, MOOOOM?” sprinkled with requests for me to French braid hair, and I am over the day by 6:30am.

So, I get them to school and then I go to my school where I mold and shape young minds.

Now it is 4pm.  At this point in the afternoon, I am tired, hungry, and I just want to go home.  But we have the basketball.

Basketball season is kicking my hiney, friends.  I am ready to leave town by 4:30 or 5 again.  This staying until 6-7pm business is no bueno.

Little Dude had a basketball game on Wednesday night.  Before the game, I must remind him to, please, not shoot granny shots.  He is in 2nd grade and no one else on his team is still shooting the granny shot.  Let me assure you that Little Dude is fully capable of shooting a basketball the correct way and, alas, even scored during his last game using the correct method.

But Little Dude likes to march to the beat of his own drum.  And he attempted about FIVE granny shots during the game.  And he was 0 for 5.

And his shorts were on backwards.  (He finds it more comfortable this way.)

Just whatever, man.

After the game, we made our journey home.  Little Dude’s job is to get the eggs.  We have provided each of our children with a pair of mud boots for all farm and ranch chores.

Mud boots have been provided to them for about 5 years, folks.  This is not a new tradition.

Little Dude chose to wore my Danskos to go and gather the eggs.

I just can’t deal, friends.

Needless to say, with weeks like these, I am 100% done by Friday nights.  I was trying to explain it to David.

I am so tired.  But not really physically tired.  My brain is tired.  If people try to speak information to me or ask questions or me or basically try to require me to think at all after 4pm on Friday, I look at them as if they are insane, crazy peoples.

Last night (Friday), I was asleep by 7:45.  I slept all the way until 6:15am.

It was heavenly.

Happy Weekend!