The Bummer Summer

Where has summer gone?  I started the summer sure I was going to work with my kids on their book learnin’, organize my house, lose weight (ha!), read, and blog at least once a week.  Things did not happen the way that I had planned.

First, let us talk about the anniversary.  On July the 8th, David and I celebrated 16 years of marriage!  Go us!  We went to Las Vegas and David was a tad bit out of his element.  We stayed in the Paris Hotel and were dismayed to find there was no coffee pot in our room.  In order to save money, we decided to skip breakfast and just grab coffee and a yogurt for David, a banana for me.

$22

My Lumberjack-ish husband looked a bit miffed.

Me:  What is the problem?  Can you just try to ignore the cost for about two days?

David:  I just feel like they are getting me everywhere I go!

It was costly there and hard to live on the cheap.  But we had fun and it was a nice getaway.

Soon after, the girls and I did a Mud Run with some of the other female members of our family.

Here’s a fun tidbit about me that you might not know:  I have a bad knee.

Between the ages of 15-17, I had five knee surgeries, including two ACL repairs and several meniscus repairs and removals.

It had been about 18 years since my last surgery, so a new injury wasn’t really on my mind. But I was trying to help my niece over a tarped hill (it’s a long story) with my sister-in-law, and I didn’t make it.  I fell hard on my bad knee and received two new tears in my meniscus.

Here’s a before/after picture of us at the Mud Run:

Oh, it hurt so badly.  That happened mid-July and I have been on crutches ever since.  Here is a list of things that is hard to do whilst on crutches and being unable to bear weight on one leg:

1.  Shower
2. Use the facilities
3. Get dressed
4. Move about the house
5. Tidy the house

Here’s a list of things that are impossible to do whilst on crutches and being unable to bear weight on one leg and you must rely on your children/husband to do for you:

1.  All general house cleaning
2. Laundry
3. Cleaning the rental
4. Tending the garden
5. Feeding and caring for any and all animals
6. SETTING UP A NEW CLASSROOM

Yes.  I am changing rooms and grades this year.  Changing rooms is a great deal of work, and my mom and girls have basically set up my entire room for me.

Here is a picture of my kids and my nieces helping me last week.  Cutest helpers ever!  But, seriously!  What would I do without them?  I do not know.

I had surgery about 3 weeks ago.  Surgery number six.  It is much harder to recover this time around.  The first five surgeries, I lived with my parents.  Now, I am a 35 year old mom who is trying to set up a classroom, take care of a rental, and get her kids to sports and whatnot.  Not so easy.  It has also put a huge damper on our summer plans.  My kids have been good sports about our lack of beach days.  David did take us all to the beach the other day, so that was a nice change of pace. We stopped at the store for beach snacks, and he grabbed two bags of frozen veggies for me.

Nothing is better than ice on the top AND the bottom of the knee.  That is true love right there, folks.

So, this has been a bummer summer.  But we did have a mama pig, or SOW, have some babies.  That was exciting.

She started with 7.  Now she has 4.  Life is hard out here.  You have to be tough, I guess.

So, that is what has happened to my summer.  I am in bed all the time, elevating and icing.  My window that I stare out of looks at the pigs.  I get fussy and tell David and I am tired of looking at pigs and I hate the way that they pee.

Oh, it is so weird!  It is not normal how pigs pee!

I find it aggravating.  I am just sitting here in bed, stressing about teaching a new grade and getting all fluffy and losing any and all muscle I may have had.

****

Today.

Today was fun.  I was home alone because I had to go to a teacher training.  I am so professional, and I do those sorts of things now.

Well, I was running late, on account of the fact that I had no children or husband to help fetch me things.  It was exhausting.  So, I step outside, and this is what I am greeted with:

Pigs.  By my car, of all things!  This is not where they are supposed to be.

I am late.  I have no one else at the house.  I am on crutches.

I start to feel a bit cranky.  Naturally, I take a picture, because, hello!  I need proof to show  David as to why he should have purchased me 4 million roses.  I am tempted to leave and pretend I never saw a thing.

“Oh, wow!  The pigs were out and terrorizing the village all day?  Interesting . . . . when I left for my grown up teacher training, all was well!”

But I felt guilty and decided that even though I never wanted any stupid, stinkin’ pigs, I should probably not just leave them running amok while I went to the big city and got all trained to teach math like a champion.

So.  I started herding pigs.  On crutches.

Dear readers, pigs do not care one iota ever about what you request of them.  They are not dogs.  They do not wish to please you.  In fact, I think they are one step away from eating me, in all honesty.  There is no bond, no attachment, no love, no warm fuzzies.  They do not heed my instruction, they do not fear my authority.

They are pigs.  They care not.  And they would prefer to be running about my property at this time, rather than be secure in their pens.

But I am being a responsible farmer’s wife person on crutches.  So, I start guiding them to their pig zone.  And yes.  I will admit it.  I whacked a pig or two with my crutches.

It had to be done.

Oh, it was not a mean, old, nasty, abusive whack.  It was more of a, “MOVE YOU STUPID PIGS!  I AM LATE FOR PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT IN THE BIG CITY AND I DON’T WANT TO BE A FARMER’S WIFE TODAY” sort of nudge to help inspire them to move in the right direction.

I am proud to inform you that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahah, was able to successfully herd FOUR pigs back to safety all while hobbling about on crutches.

And if this doesn’t convince David to finally buy me that “Number One Wife” t-shirt, I don’t know what will.

Happy Monday!