Odor Eliminator

We are currently keeping David´s brother´s dog, Cali, for him.

That brings our total dog count to three.  And why not have three dogs?  Seems reasonable.

Alex really loves Cali.  And I thought her name was spelled ¨Callie,¨ but I was so wrong because her name is supposed to be short for CALIfornia.

But I really want to spell it Callie.  I just thought you all should know.

Alex does not live near us, but whenever he sees Cali, he comments on how fat she is.

Me:  I don´t know why.  I don´t feel like we feed her a ton.  She is often running around.  I don´t know why she is fat.

So, I have been trying to make observations.  And I notice that Cali is smart.  She always sits by Little Dude when he is eating.  And she has excellent posture and gazes lovingly at him, and at times he might throw her a piece of his crust.

And sometimes she eats the cat food.

And sometimes she finds the dog food bag and just sticks her head right in it.

So, I have taken precautions to help eliminate those temptations for her.  But then I saw her eating the cows´ grain out of the red troughs yesterday.

And then she had the audacity to poop in the middle of the night.  On my carpet.

And I KNOW it was her because I was the grain mixed in with the poo.

For shame, Cali.

Taylor´s blog.  Where you get to read about Taylor examining the contents of dog poop.

I feel like this gal just wants to be fat.  She is living her best life, not caring about how she looks in a swimsuit.  She is enjoying the all you can eat buffet that is our farm.  Let us leave her be.

***

Last night, David and I were booking a trip.  FOR JUST THE TWO OF US.  For our upcoming 20th anniversary, if you can believe such a thing.  I have not told the children.  The female children will be sorely disappointed that they are not joining us.  Mostly Daisy Mae.  She will be full of fury.  Oh well.

So, we are trying to decide on all the final details and we keep getting interrupted by Handsome Dude who is trying to prepare for the next day´s hunting trip.

Apparently to go hunting for 5 hours, he needs to bake two full pans of brownies and not do the dishes afterwards.

He keeps going to David´s hunting storage box and bringing up stuff that he knows nothing about and feels the need to learn about while David and I are trying to have a conversation.

HD:  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!

Me:  Give us a few minutes, please.

HD:  No!  This will just take a second!  Dad!  Dad!

And so on and so forth.

HD:  I opened up that black bottle.  And it STINKS, Dad.  IT STINKS.

David:  That would be deer urine.

Me:  What?!  We have deer urine in the house?

But really, is anyone surprised?

HD:  It smells so gross.

Me:  DID YOU SPILL ANY OF IT?

HD:  No.  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Hey, Dad!

David:  What?

HD:  What´s this?

He is holding up a spray bottle that clearly reads, ¨Odor Eliminator.¨

David:  You spray it on yourself.

HD:  Why?

Me:  So the animals cannot smell you and get suspicious.

HD:  What does it smell like?

Me:  Nothing.

HD:  Right, Mom.  Dad?  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!

David:  Spray a bit on your sleeve and smell it.

David and I try to go back to booking our fantabulous vacation, but HD is struggling with the bottle.

HD:  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  It is not working!

David:  Twist the top to ¨spray.¨

HD continues to struggle for all eternity.  And he cannot get it to spray.

HD:  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!

Me:  DOOOOOOOOOOD.  It will smell like nothing!

HD:  How do you know?

Me:  It is called ODOR ELIMINATOR.  IT WILL ELIMINATE ODORS.

HD:  Well what does that even mean?  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!

For the love.  This happened all night and was even going this morning at 5:30 am as they were getting ready to go.

HD:  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  How are we going to use the deer pee?  Dad!  When do I put that on?  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!

And yes, Little Dude is a part of this hunting gang.  He is just a lot more chill than HD.  He is usually watching TV or secretly feeding dogs.  The only thing I heard him say in all of this was:

¨I think I got taller.¨

And he TOTALLY did.  I think he is as tall as I am now.

I surely hope HD successfully eliminated his own odor, properly used the deer urine, and stopped shouting ¨DAD!¨ long enough to have a successful hunt.

***

This morning, there was a severed mouse head and a body that originally went with it on my porch.

Mama Kitty for the win!

***

Calf Update.

When last we spoke, Matilda was in mourning over her calf, Rocky, being separated from her.  Her mourning was short lived and she was over it within 24 hours.  Rocky and Rosie are still together in the pig pen.  Dutch Bro got out and is back to his normal shenanigans.  We have no idea how he got out, but Rocky and Rosie cannot figure out how to get out.

DUTCH BRO!

(Shaking Fists in the Air)

Happy Thanksgiving!