A Bunch of Old Ladies Came WITH BIBLES

When I went Christmas shopping with Ma, she had the idea to do the artificial garland and white lights around the deck.  The garland was on sale and she and I concluded it was a smoking deal, and therefore and henceforth, David would not mind me spending money on it.

Ma:  Taylor.  You will need to fluff up the garland.

Me:  Ok.

Ma:  I can come and do it for you if you want to have me over.  It needs to be fluffed.

Me:  Ok.

Reader.  No one wants to really come over.  We live too far.  We are like outcasts out here.

World:  Due to Covid, we are asking people to stay home and not have people over.

Us:  Neat.

So, last weekend, I set the garland up.  It was freezing and I was distracted because the boys were using chainsaws and David was not supervising.  And me no likey.

Oh!  Apparently, one of the boys’ new chores is to traverse the lands, each brandishing a chainsaw, find dead trees, fell them, split them for firewood, and bring the firewood to the wood shed.

And they did it.  And they loved it.  And no one got hurt.

Anyways, I was losing daylight and I decided to put out the garland and lights and worry about fluffing later. Because it is not even Thanksgiving and no one comes to my house.

Ma saw a picture.

Ma called me.

Ma:  Taylor.  Who set up the garland on your deck?

Me (knowing EXACTLY where this is going):  Me.  I know I didn’t fluff it.  Didn’t think it was noticeable from the picture.

Ma:  Little bit.

Me:  I will fluff it later.

Ma:  You can do what you want.  I just think it looks a bit nicer fluffed.

Me:  Ok, Ma.

She probably told people my Christmas decorating was “hideous.”  And I would be ok with that, because, in my opinion, that would be the correct way to use the word, “hideous.”  As opposed to the sentence Ma spoke earlier, and I quote, “Now I can get rid of my hideous iPhone.”  Because she doesn’t think the iPhone is ugly.  She thinks it is confusing.  And hideous is a synonym for ugly and not confusing.  And I will stand by my feelings on that.

***

This blog is my way of recording my family memories, and I feel as though I did not thoroughly capture the “learning to drive” years with my teen girls.   So, over the next few weeks, and I am going to write a teen driving memory down.  And I shan’t tell you who is who.  For privacy and whatnot.

One teen took to driving quite naturally.

One teen did not.

Let’s talk about Teen Who Did Not.

One night, she was driving me home, but we were still in town.  She was approaching a red light.  She was not slowing down.

I had been working on my composure during driving with said teen.  She felt I freaked out too much and made her nervous.

Reader.  I did freak out a lot.  Because it was freaky driving with her.

Anyways.  I tried to stay quiet and “trust” that she knew what she was doing.

She was approaching the light, and not slowing down.

Then she just swung the car and turned right.  At the red light.  Without stopping.

Me (finally bursting):  DUUUUUUUUUDE!  What are you doing?

Teen, calmly:  Mother.

She always said “Mother” in a condescending tone whilst driving.  It was hideous.

Teen:  Mother.  Did you know you can turn right on a red light?

Me: You have to stop first!

Teen:  Nope.

Me:  Yup

Teen.  Nope.

Me:

Teen:  I prefer to drive with Dad.  You make me anxious.

Me:  That’s because Dad naps when you are driving.  WHICH IS FOOLISH.

And that concludes my teen driving memory for today.

***

 

David unplugged half my twinkle lights on the deck for his cow water heater and I am annoyed.  He told me I could have that outlet, and then he just stole it back!  And he is an electrician and he can just make his own new outlet.  We are going to have to have a husband/wife meeting about sharing electricity.

***

HD has stopped calling me Karen, but the sass still runs deep with this one.

Me:  Why did your basketball practice get cancelled?

HD:  _

Me (looking at him in the rearview mirror):  Why did your basketball practice get cancelled?

HD (smirking): _

Me:  You need to answer me when I talk to you.

HD:  Gosh, Mom, geez, I cannot hear you.  Calm down.  I don’t know, the people just forgot.

(If he didn’t hear me, then how did he know what I asked?  Hmmm?)

Me:  People forgot to come in basketball clothes?

HD (beyond annoyed):  Gosh, Mom!  No!  A bunch of old ladies came WITH BIBLES and coach said we had to be done.

And that concludes this segment of:  Why Basketball Got Cancelled.

 

Happy Wednesday!