The Hideous Night

LD walked triumphantly out of my bathroom.

LD:  126!

Me:  126?

LD (beaming):  Yeah.  That’s how much I weigh.

Me:  Oh.  Is that good?

LD (still beaming):  Oh, yeah.

Me:  Cool.  What is your goal weight?

LD:  126.

Me:  Oh, so you are good with this weight and do not want to ever weigh more?

LD:  Yup.

And then he fixed himself a little snack.

Bless his heart.

***

Norma Jean Riley is over it.  She is completely done rearing four kittens and keeps trying to escape them.  She seeks refuge with me and pretends to not hear them meowing for her.

Yes.  I am now talking about my cat like she is a person.  What of it?

She tries to sneak around, but they find her.

Oh, yes.  They find her.

And they just start nursing off her, when she isn’t even laying down comfortably.  Finally, she gives up and lays down and lets them have at it.

And then she gives me this look.  And I have captioned this look the:

“I regret all my life choices” look.

Me:  Well, stop running around the neighborhood like a hussy.

Sometimes she jumps on my bed to hide from the children.  Normally, (and I say this only in case David is perchance reading this) animals are never allowed on our bed.  But she jumps up and gives me a little meow as if to say, “I need a break from those little blessings.”  And I can relate to her, seeing as how I also have four children, so I just nod at her in solidarity and allow her to seek refuge on our bed.

Today, for the first time ever, one of the kittens jumped up onto the bed and found her.  She was sitting up.  She looked at me.  And while she was sitting up, the kitten started nursing off of her, without even allowing her time to get into a proper nursing position.

Kids.  They are just, well, you know.

HD:  Mom.  Where is my jersey?

Me:  Haven’t seen it.

HD:  MOM.  IT IS BLUE.  I LEFT IT ON THE COUCH.

Me:  Why would you leave it on the couch?

HD:  MOM.  I NEED IT.

Me:  Sorry, bud.  I haven’t seen it.

HD:  I know you know where it is.

Me:  Nope.

HD:  Well, it’s not like KATE does my laundry.

What is happening?  How did I become his assistant in life who is supposed to keep track of his things and answer to such sass?

Solidarity, Norma Jean.  Solidarity.

***

Update:  David’s father was in the hospital for a few days, but he was discharged and now resting at home.    I sent him cow pictures to humor him, and he responded appropriately to humor me, so we are now basically texting best friends.

***

Not only did Babs recently have a calf:

But Hildy went and had herself a cow as well.

Jealous?

I was observing Hildy and calf and noticing that her calf seemed weak and he was laying in the same spot all the time.  The horses were also hovering around him, and the horses have been known to pick on weak calves.  This information will be important later.

***

Last night.

Last night was HIDEOUS.  Yes, hideous.  Mother is correct.  Sometimes you need to describe something as hideous, as hideous is the only adjective worthy of such a event as last night.

HIDEOUS.

1.  I had to go to parent teacher conferences for the three children at the private school.  I walked in and realized that I really didn’t know the names of their teachers.  So I walked up to each table and asked if they had any Maliblahblah children in their class.  Imagine my delight when they would smile and say, “Oh, yes!  We are so glad to have Hadley.  What a delight!”  And imagine my fear and trepidation when they would say, “Oh yes.  I have two boys with that last name.  Have a seat.”
2. One teacher was wondering if LD was adopted and I found that to be a weird and wild blast from the past, if any long time readers remember THAT whole ordeal.
3. LD is not adopted.  He is all mine.  Just like the other three.  I birthed four children.
4. The teachers were kind and seem to enjoy the boys.  One teacher mentioned that she finds LD to be, and I quote, “absolutely hilarious.”  I relayed this to David and we both agreed LD shall never know.  Because then he would take that and run with it and we would all see how quickly “hilarious” turned into “obnoxious”
5. So then I had to wait in town for HD’s basketball practice.  It was to conclude at NINE PM.  Like an hour after my bedtime.  I hung out with Grant and Connie Jo, my parents.  My mom fed me pizza and let me wear some of her jammies.
6. “Taylor.  You must wear these.  They feel like you are being wrapped in a warm hug.”
7.  “Yes, Ma.  They are cozy.”
8. “Taylor.  Walmart.  $9.96!”
9. I fell asleep in mother’s jammies and truly felt like I was sleeping in a warm hug.
10. I woke up around 8:30 and grabbed my clothes, got in the car wearing mother’s pajamas, picked up HD, and drove home.
11. I didn’t drive through McDonald’s for a milkshake, which, naturally, was child abuse according to poor HD, and I have no idea how much he had to run at practice.
12. I arrive to ye olde homestead at 10pm.  It appeared that the children had cooked much food but didn’t know it was customary to clean up after themselves, and David was fast asleep.  About two minutes after I arrived, Abbie and Charlie, our dogs, got in a fight.  Like the worst one ever.
13. It was so loud and awful.  It woke David up and even the TEEN GIRLS came up from the basement to see what was going on.  We could not get them apart.  David got bit.  At one point we got them separated and were trying to get Abbie into a kennel when Charlie broke free from whomever was holding her and went after Abbie again.  They bumped into a full length mirror I had taken off the wall and had propped up for whenever I get around to painting.  The mirror shattered and they continued to fight on top of broken glass.  David yelled for Hadley to put a couch cushion on them and lay on top and somehow that worked and we got them separated.  David, Abbie, and Charlie were all bleeding, the couch cushion had blood all over it and there was broken glass all over the ground.
14. As we were recovering from that ordeal, I went to the deck to check to see if the baby calf was in the same spot.  He was and no mama around.  David and I decide to go and check on him.  Please understand I am still in Connie Jo’s pajamas and it is 10:30 AT NIGHT.  Also, I must interject that I asked LD to clean the couch cushion and he chose a dirty old Magic Eraser without water and half-heartedly rubbed it around and called it good.
15. We try to pick up the calf and then Hildy decides to come.  She is acting funny and trying to lick him and get him to come with her, but he does not follow her.  We both notice that she doesn’t look like she has much milk in her udder at all.  She keeps trying to get the calf to follow but he won’t.  Then the horses came and started their bullying.  Hildy was upset and running around them and after about a half an hour of trying to get the calf to nurse or follow the mother, we brought him inside.
16. You may ask, “Taylor!  Why would you bring him inside?!”
17. Reader.  I don’t know.  David doesn’t know.  We just don’t know.  A winter storm was coming overnight and since the calf was not following its mother to the area where all the cows sleep at night, we were worried he would be left alone in the storm.  And then the horses were messing with him and also, and I cannot stress this enough, we really have no idea what to do.  Like ever.
18. David:  Hildy won’t take the calf back after this.

Me:  Shoot.  Let’s put him back then.

David:  No, he will die in the storm.

Me:  What do we do?

David:  I don’t know.  Feed him on a bottle for awhile and try to sell him when he is stronger.

Me:  What do we do about the dogs?

David:  Put one of them down.

Me: !

David: Or give one away.

Me:  !

David:  Taylor.  This can’t keep happening.

Me:  Well, I cannot give up Abbie.

David:  Ok.

Me:  And I love Charlie, too.  And Charlie is Hadley’s puppy.

David:  We will get her a new dog.

Me: !

In Summary:

1. The calf is in my laundry room.  It is not super interested in eating.  Hildy is mooing moos of great sorrow and lament, while being alone and in a snowstorm.
2. The girl dogs are currently separated and I literally have no idea what to do about them.
3. Norma keeps hiding from her kittens, and it is plum not working.
4. I have no idea what I am doing over here.

Happy Friday the 13th!