Rotate the ball! ROTATE!

Usually in our virtual “morning meeting,” I visit with my students and will sometimes share updates on Hazel.  And teaching virtually is trippy.  Usually, in the classroom, I can gauge where the kids are at with their reactions, but in the Zoom world, they are all muted.  I literally have no idea if they care one bit about Hazel.  Yet, I keep sharing.  Because who wouldn’t want to hear about Hazel?  I ask?

So we moved on and we were working on phonics and other such things.  I have this student.  Let’s call him “Max.”  Max likes to unmute himself and shout random things.  I don’t like this because it literally scares me half to death.  Plus it is kind of rude.  We are working on it, Max and I.

Anyways, we are learning how sometimes “ow” says “ow” in cow and sometimes”ow” says long O like in snow and Max umutes and shouts:

“HEY!  ARE YOU LIKE A FARMER OR SOMETHING?!?!”

ME:  Um, Kind of.  Please mute yourself.

And where has Max been all year?  I ask?  What is he doing while I am teaching and talking and talking and teaching?  I literally talk about the dang cows all the time.  He is pretty bright for his age, so I would guess he probably pretends to listen to me but is really watching YouTube videos instead.  I am not sure exactly how a kid could appear to be in class but watching YouTube instead, but I guarantee you Max would be smart enough to figure out how to do it. Max is only attending right now for the reading of “Farmer Boy.”  I know this because about 5 times a day, no matter what subject we are learning, he umutes and shouts: “WHEN ARE YOU READING FARMER BOY?”

Pajama Day was coming up.  One of my guys-let’s call him Al-he unmutes without raising his hand and starts rambling on about he prefers to only sleep in his underwear and would it be ok with me and the rest of the group if he at least put a shirt on and did not come to class in his underwear?

Me:  Yes, Al.  Please do not come to class in just your underwear.

The next day, he unmutes himself-without raising his hand-stands up and starts to lift up his shirt.

Why?  No one knows.  But both myself and Al’s mom started simultaneously pleading with the boy to “Please keep your shirt on!”

And, yes.  I am aware that Max, Al, and I need to have a Come to Jesus meeting about random unmuting interruptions.

***

Peoples:  Oh, Taylor.  You are so lucky to live on property with animals!  What a blessing!

Me:  Oh, yes!  Absolutely.

And then things like “Death of a Rooster” happen.

You may ask, Taylor?  What is “Death of a Rooster?”

And now, here is my story, “Death of a Rooster.”

One day, two roosters were sitting on a fence.  The puppy brothers were sitting under them and barking.  One rooster is brown in color and one is white.  Somehow the brothers pull the brown rooster down and absolutely murder him.  Like to death.  Like dead death.

White rooster remains seated on the fence, watching it all.  He does not offer to help his friend, nor does he feel the need to run for his own life.

I am 100% over the puppy brothers.  I will admit it.  Kate and HD, the puppy owners, need to help out more with these two.  Kate was the only one home, so I told her to go and take the dead-dead rooster away from the puppies.  And then I drove to work.

Later, I ask her what she did with the rooster.  She said she placed his dead-dead body in the fire pit.  I asked her if she thought the puppies would probably just pull the dead-dead carcass out of the pit and continue to chew on it?  She did not answer my question.

A couple of days pass and David tells LD to burn everything in the fire pit.  At this point, I have forgotten about dead-dead rooster.  Don’t judge me-I have a lot going on.

A couple of days later, the puppy brothers have brought something to the porch and are happily eating it.  It looked like a rotissiere chicken carcass from Costco.  And that is because LD didn’t completely burn everything and basically cooked the dead-dead rooster, so the puppies were enjoying their flame roasted chicken.

Because I am 39 and have to do all the laundry in this house, I have determined that it is ok for me to never have to pick up gross things.  LD was the only one home so I told him to go and deal with the cooked dead-dead rooster carcass.

He does.

Then he comes into the bathroom right by me and starts to brush his teeth.

Me:  Wash your hands.

LD allows water to flow over his hands for about 1.3 seconds.

Me:  You didn’t use soap.  That’s gross.  You just dealt with a dead animal.

LD:  I don’t need to wash my hands.  I wore gloves.

Me:  That’s disgusting.  Wash your hands with soap.

LD (sighing):  Fine.

And that, reader, concludes my story, “Death of a Rooster.”

***

My kids have been playing basketball for years now, but I have always hated when coaches yell.  Doesn’t matter what team, just any coach yelling loudly at players makes me nervous.

The boys’ coach this year is awesome.  He is super patient and chill.  He will call out and talk to them, but never flips out and yells like some do.  The other day, we were in an intense game.  The other coach is yelling like crazy and it is making me feel all flustery.  Because the poor kids are playing their hearts out and trying and he keeps yelling:

ROTATE the ball!  ROTATE!

And I didn’t want them to win, because I am partial to my own children winning, but I was so hopeful those awkward middle school boys would just rotate the ball.

Also, we won.

Their team is undefeated.  At the most recent game, a young girl asked if the seat next to me was taken.  I said it was not and she sat there.  A bit later she asked if I was related to anyone on the team, and I told her who I was related to.  And she told me she goes to school with HD and LD.   And then LD had a steal and a layup, but I didn’t get the video.  She overheard me tell David that I missed it and she told me that she got it on video and would text the video to HD.

David overhears.

David:  Hey, are you the girl HD has been talking to on the phone?

Girl (embarassed):  Well, sometimes.

And I am just sitting here wondering when my baby boy started talking to girls?

Later, I asked David and he told me that HD facetimes a girl all the time and I didn’t know any of this was going on, so I shall have this day for mourning.

***

David’s eye looks all wacky.

Me:  What did you do?

David:  Got it with a wire.

Me:  Explain exactly what happened.

David (sigh):  I was shoving wire through conduit and it came around and got me in the eye.

Me:  Like it smacked you or stabbed you in your eyeball?

David:  Stabbed me in the eyeball.

Me:!

Me:  David!  Did it make a weird sound like a “squish” when it went into your eyeball!?!

David:  Nope.

Me: !

Me:  David!  Did you have to pluck it out?!

David:  Nope.

Me:  !

Me:  David!  Can you see?

David:  Yup.

And that is all I have to talk to you about today.