My name is Taylor and I write a blog called The Lumberjack’s Wife. This is interesting because my husband is, in fact, an electrician. Nevertheless-my husband is, for lack of a better word, INSANE, and is always doing strange things. One such strange thing was moving us and our four children out to the country . . . or “crunchie”, as my children call it.
Our lives have significantly changed. And I would like to state for the record that I really am quite normal and would call myself a city girl . . . even though the following post just might convince you otherwise.
So, without further ado, I shall now present to you:
Things that Happen Might When You Move to the Country
by Taylor Maliblahblah
1) Mice might start to form colonies and live in your vehicles.
Ask me how I know.
2. You might have to start homeschooling.
Which is actually so wonderful and perfect and I never, ever, fantasize about loading the children into the big rig and enrolling them all into school immediately.
Nope.
3. You start calling your vehicles “rigs.”
4. Your husband might get a hankering to let the children raise rabbits.
We raise only happy bunnies. As you can clearly see.
5. Your husband might make you take the aforementioned children to enter rabbits in the county fair.
Perhaps you are considering getting your 4-H on and letting your kids enter homegrown rabbits into the fair?
Well. Allow me horrify you with this glimpse into your possible future.
So, the kids and I took the rabbits to the rabbit building at the fair where there are 4.2 million rabbits. Every single rabbit looks beautiful and majestic and Sweet Pea became nervous and said “Mom. Look at all these pretty rabbits! I don’t think we are going to win.”
And then I felt bad that she was trying to win. Because, folks. We weren’t going to win. Nor were we planning on it.
We were greeted by a Susie Fantastic who knows everything there is to know about rabbits. She handed me several forms and instructed me to fill them out, in her no-nonsense way.
Did you know there are, like, 50 different classes of rabbits?
Color me embarrassed.
So. I just looked for words I had heard The Lumberjack say and decided to go with those for the classes. Because what do I care? But then, I had to mark if the rabbits were bucks or does.
Because all of us well-informed rabbit breeders refer to girl rabbits as does and boy rabbits as bucks, didn’t you know?
So, there I am with Susie Fantastic peering over at me from her table of knowledge. I tell Sweet Pea to hold a rabbit and spread the rabbit’s legs apart, because that seems like a good place to start.
And I have no idea what I am looking for.
I considered it to be a low point in my life . . . violating the rabbits’ privacy by staring at their crotch areas . . .not knowing how to tell if they were bucks or does. And I just decide to mark them all as girls because the kids can only think of girl names anyways.
I’m sure the judges wouldn’t notice.
I never wanted this kind of life anyways.
Daisy Mae never wanted this kind of life either.
She informed me she is tired of “crunchie” life. She would prefer the city and pedicures.
Tough break, Daisy Mae. Tough break.
6. Your inlaws might get you Carhartt overalls for your birthday.
And you will be the envy of all the town.
7. Strange creatures might sneak into your home uninvited.
Creatures like frogs
And birds
8. You might have a lagoon on your property.
Or rather, a lagoon that doubles as your septic system.
9. You husband might use his new land as the perfect excuse to hone in on his lumberjacking abilities.
Like so:
10. Since you have a Lumberjack and land, you might go hunt for your own Christmas tree.
And it might be a bit bigger than you had anticipated.
So, there you have it! A little preview of what your life could look like if you moved out to the middle of nowhere!
Don’t be jealous.
Thank you, Gianna, for letting me guest post!
