The Lumberjack's Wife

Handsome Dude brought me a “flowler.”

Hmmm . . . I can’t put my finger on it, but for some reason, this picture makes me want to find his glasses.

Check out my messy house.  Holla!

***

I was thinking of doing a Questions and Answers post next week.

So, if you wouldn’t mind, could you please leave a question here in the comments section?

The question can be about anything you can think of and can be for myself or for Sir Lumberjack.

Just be specific if the question is for him, please.

Alright!

That’s all I got!

Happy Thursday!

Is it possible to create a recap based on a completely ordinary, pointless day?

I vote yes!

Speaking of voting, did you vote today?

(Shameless plug for good citizenship.  Holla.)

Today started off strange.  For some reason, all the planets aligned and my husband didn’t need to leave for work until 7am this morning.  It felt like an odd, leisurely, Saturday morning out here in Ruralville.

Isn’t it sad that 7am seems leisurely?

The boys were shouting and whooping and hollering because if their dad is home, this can only mean one thing:

Wabbles (waffles) and hunting shows!

Dear readers.  Don’t pretend you don’t love wabbles and hunting shows, too.

Much to their dismay, Wabble Saturday turned out to be, in fact, Normal Tuesday.

 And their dad did not even have the decency to put their boring, mommy-ish toast in the toaster, and off he went and abandoned them so he could go to work.

Oh, the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And snot.

Then the girls had piano lessons.  And I went to the grocery store. 

No one asked me if I was pregnant nor if I was an unfaithful wife!

Win!

And just wait until I tell you what happened when I took all FOUR children with me to vote . . .

Nothing.

They were angels.

Look at me and my patriotic self!

We came home.  We unloaded the groceries.  We cleaned up the dog poo.

We have 20 acres for the dog to freely run and poo in and she chooses to do her business on the front steps.

LucyFur.

We had lunch.

Clearly my homeschooling skills are amazing, as I already have my 2 year old voting.

True.

He knoweth not how to wipe his nose or use the toilet.

We’ll cover that next semester.

I told all the kids to smile for a picture and Handsome Dude, in the spirit of Handsome Dude, decided that was not to his liking.

And he turned completely around and refused to participate.

I find his stubborness endearing.

That Handsome Dude.

He’s coconuts.

We did school.  It went great.

We cleaned the house.  It looks great.  Kind of.

I exercised.  I don’t look great.

The kids played outside.

Hello, November 2nd!

I took a bath.  It was both lovely and a horrific invasion of my privacy as I was interrupted by each child no less than 7 times.

But I savored every moment of it.

Even if my kids will need counseling when they are older.

We ate dinner without any issues.

And now we are watching Toy Story 3.

And I enjoy Ken.

See?  A weirdly normal and uneventful day with no mice in my car.

I will leave you with the conversation my 4 children had when Toy Story 3 was coming on.

You are so very welcome.

Sweet Pea:  Tinkerbell!  Tinkerbell!  I love you!  I’m a fan!

This is the Tinkerbell that appears at the beginning of each movie from the Wonderful World of Disney.

Daisy Mae:  Who are you talking to?

Sweet Pea:  Mom.  I think Tinkerbell is a great actor.  She’s in like, so many movies.  Peter Pan.  Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure . . .

Handsome Dude:  Stinkie-bell?  Who’s Stinkiebell?

Daisy Mae:  The castle!

Handsome Dude:  Why is there bieworks? (fireworks)  Where’s Woody?

Little Dude:  Huh?  Snack?

Sweet Pea:  Toy Story 3!  WooHoo!  WooHoo!  WooHoo!

Daisy Mae: You are giving me an head-ick.

Sweet Pea:  I can’t wait to see Ken’s heart underwear!!

You can see why we made the choice to yank her out of school and homeschool . . . no?

Little Dude:  Snack?

Daisy Mae:  Mom!  Handsome Dude is standing in front of the TV!  I can’t see!

Handsome Dude:  Where’s Woody?

Little Dude:  Snack?

***

And so, dear readers, this is Lumberjill signing off to make a snack for my precious Little Dude and company.

Goodnight.

Yes.  Alright.  I forgot to do the COW last week.

These things happen.

In my defense, no one really cares.  So back off.

There are two COWS this week. 

Do you know what a COW is?  Are you confused?

You are not alone.

COW #1

The first COW (Comment Of the Week) goes to Father Knows (Travis) Best, aka Jake,  with his comment on this photo:

He said, “So YOU’RE the one who beat me out for that last cheerleading spot.”

Ha!

Tough break, Jake.

Tough Break.

Check out my bangs.

Go big or go home.

COW #2!

Cow #2 is actually bogus.

Why?

Because it is a Facebook conversation between me and Erin.

Of which I found udderly entertaining.

Me:  Made pancakes for lunch today.  They came out fluffy and golden brown.  Just thought you would like to know that. 🙂

Interruption:  Erin is a fantastic person with one flaw:  she cannot make pancakes.  Ever.

Erin:  Oh yeah? Well I took my children out to the store and received nary an insinuation that one of them did not belong to me.
AND it only took me 5 minutes to get to the store.

Thought you might like to know THAT! 😉

Me:  You cut me real deep, Erin. You cut me real deep just now.

Erin:  Sorry, Shrek.

Me:  Just to clarify . . . people never question the fact that the children are MINE. They just think I might be a hussy.

Can I say “hussy” on this blog? 

Erin:  Well in their defense, your father thought the same thing when you got a few flowers.

She is referring to this post.

Ouch, Erin.

Ouch.

Anyways.

If you have a few spare moments on this chilly Monday morn, you should go and say “Holla!” to Jake and/or Erin.

Fun Fact:  I don’t say “Holla!” in real life.  Ever.

Happy Monday!

I will be back soon with a quick weekend recap.

Do you know what Sunday is?

October the 31st.

The day I LOATHE.

(You can read about last year here)

Why?

Because I have to attempt to be creative and come up with FOUR costumes for FOUR children with ZERO dollars.

Lumberjacks are cheap, man.

I got the girls taken care of.  We are going with the usual Little House on the Prairie/Disney Princess characters they know and love so well.

But  . . . it’s those boys . . .

Quick!  Help me!

I need some ideas for boy costumes.

Here are some key things to remember:

1)  I don’t sew, knit, crochet, quilt, or cross-stitch.  Ironing is also a weakness. 

I can, however, launder things.

2)  My boys are naughty.

3)  I might have a hot glue gun.  I cannot be certain. 

4)  One can oft find my boys’ hands down their pants.

5)  I don’t have any felt.  Is felt required?

6)  I only have one pair of cowboy boots.

7)  Glasses are optional.  Depending on whether or not Sir Handsome Dude breaks them.

8)  I am not crafty.  Really.  Not at all.

9)  I don’t have an etsy shop.

10)  What is an etsy shop?

11)  My boys like all things with wheels.  If that helps?

12)  I have no spare sheets or curtains or any other large, glorious amounts of fabric.

13)  I do have lots of clothes that are too tight for me. 

14)  I might have construction paper.

15)  I am out of glue.

16)  I have a 3-hole punch and 3×5 cards.  Is this helpful?

17)  Yes!  I have construction paper! 

***

Fun Fact:  My mom, who is clearly as creative as I am, once dressed me up as a “Bunch of Grapes.”

How did she accomplish this?

Well.

She dressed me in green pants and a green shirt and taped 4.2 million purple balloons to my body.

I wasn’t even that young.

It was probably the same year this fateful picture was taken:

So.

Now you know why I am the way that I am.

Anyways.

If you have any super-easy-fun-free-cheap-EASY ideas for me, feel free to enlighten me.

And don’t get any smart ideas . . . I don’t have any balloons.

Later Dudes.

PS-I just wanted you to all know that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah, made my own strawberry jam tonight AND canned it.

Holla, Taylor Maliblahblah.

Holla.

PPS-Notice how I did not make huckleberry jam.  This is because I haven’t submitted the necessary forms required for my husband to grant me permission to use the purple gold.

Perhaps next year, I will get my ducks in a row.

PPPS-Why do people hand out banana-flavored tootsie rolls?

For shame, people.

For.

Shame.

Normally, I would not have the nerve to post the following scenario, out of fear that my parents would read it and ground me.

However.

My parents are in the lovely city of New Orleans at this current moment in time and do not think that the World Wide Web exists in places other than their living room.

So, I’m good.

I think.

If for some reason my blog disappears off the face of the earth, you will know that I was wrong and had to suffer the consequences.

It was nice knowing you.

***

Yesterday, my husband texted me out of the blue at 9am.

If you know my husband at all, just the idea of him texting is hilarious.

(You can read about the first text he ever received here)

David:  How are you doing today :}

Yes.  He made the wrong sign for the smiley face.  But using emoticons is a HUGE step in our relationship.

You can understand why I let it slide.

Taylor:  SUPER

This was sarcastic on my part.  We had a little spat this week and me saying everything was SUPER really drove my point home.

Don’t mind me . . . I’m just holding a grudge.

David:  Whatever liar

See?  He picked up on my sublteness.

So, I felt bad for being such a poo and decided to text more.

Taylor:  I am fine.  Trying to get the kids started for school.  Boys stole gum from my purse.  Again.  Handsome Dude peed in his pants and hid them.  Handsome Dude took off Little Dude’s wet diaper and put underwear on him.  Lucy peed all over the laundry room.  And pooped.  How are you?

LucyFUR.

David:  Fine.

David:  Is a copier a male or a female?

Taylor:  What?

David:  Yup.

Taylor:  Copier?

David:  Female once it is turned off it takes forever to get warmed back up

Taylor:  Dang.  Bad news for you.

Dear Lord,

Please help my parents to not figure out that the Internet reaches the vast wildernesses of New Orleans.

Thank you.

Are you wondering why I shared that?

So am I.

***

Random Topic Quick Change!

I miss having a wood stove.

And pigs can now fly.

You may ask:  “Taylor!  Why on earth would you miss that dreadful beast?”

Because, dear readers.

It was SO warm.

And Ruralville is so cold.  And lonely.  And peach.

***

Random Topic Quick Change!

Good News:  I think we killed all the mice in the trunk.

***

Random Topic Quick Change!

I started the 30 Day Shred again.

Alert:  I still don’t like exericse.

Sad Alert:  I still can’t make it through the jumping jack segment without running to use the facilities.

***

Random Topic Quick Change!

People at our home group thought we were a lovely couple well into our 30’s.

I AM 29, THANK YOU.

***

Random Topic Quick Change!

Lest any of you think I am All-That-And-A-Bag-Of-Chips for posting this gem of a picture:

I must come clean and inform you that at my school, there were no “cuts” for cheerleaders.

Come one, come all!

Even if you have really, really, bad bangs.

***

Random Topic Quick Change!

During school, I was helping Daisy Mae with a writing assignment. 

Me:  Ok.  Put your name here.

DM (short for Daisy Mae . . . keep up, people!):  Ok.

Me:  Date here

DM:  OCTOBRE 72, 2010

Me:  Good.

DM:  Do I need to put my city?

Me:  Nope.

DM:  Phone number?

Me:  Nope.

DM:  Weird.

Me:  Yup.

DM:  I know why!  Because if the bad guys ever found my writing paper they could come find me and kill us!  And that would not be good.

Me:  Ok.  Let’s just get started.

**

Poor girl.  I think my safety paranoias are rubbing off on her.

Well.

I gotta get myself into the shower and into some actual clothes.

Company is coming!

Better don my pearls.

Happy Thursday!

PS-I don’t have pearls.

Continue reading →

It’s a dreary, cold, rainy Wednesday here in Ruralville!

You know what that means?

Neither do I.

But let’s play a game, shall we?

You know.

For kicks and grins.

Let’s see who is movie-savvy.

Or, more accurately, let’s see who has seen the same movies I have.

Some might be movie lines . . . some might be song quotes . . . I cannot be certain.

I am a force to be reckoned with.

1.  I want the chipper chicken.

2.  I’m what you call “sans parents.”

3.  Bless her beautiful hide . . . wherever she may be.

4.  Frankly my dear, I don’t give a *bleep* (flagged for adult content)

5.  I’ll never let go, Jack.

Thought I would throw in a super easy one.

You’re welcome.

6.  I’m a married Spud!  I’m a married Spud!

7.  Just when I think you couldn’t be any dumber, you go and do something like this . . . and totally redeem yourself!

8.  He hates these cans!  Stay away from the cans!

9.  Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more.

10.  Anyway, like I was sayin’, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. There’s uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That- that’s about it.

The winner will win the satisfaction of knowing they are a winner.

Happy Wednesday!

*Prayer Request Update*

I posted a prayer request a few weeks ago and I wanted to thank you all for your prayers. 

The prayers were for my brother’s family.  His wife is pregnant with their third child, a girl.  Her name is Grace Elizabeth.  Baby Grace’s ultrasound revealed several critical health problems and the doctors have not given her much hope.

I just wanted to update you and let you know that my sister-in-law appreciated your prayers so much and asks that you continue to pray. 

She reads this blog and might read these comments if you would like to let her know you are praying.

Thank you.