The Lumberjack's Wife

The Girls

Posted on November 17, 2010 by Taylor

I know what you are thinking . . . “Two posts in one day?!?!? Has Lumberjill gone mad?”

Today has been crazy busy and I have absolutely no time to be blogging. I should be paying bills.

Paying bills is a total downer.

I just wanted to quickly share with you something my girls did today. I am always talking about those naughty boys of mine, and sometimes I wonder if people even know I have two daughters.

It’s true. I do.

Consider yourselves informed.

We started school today and things were going along swimmingly.

Here’s Daisy Mae’s classic, “I don’t understand what is going on and when can I have a snack and why do we have to do this and when can I have a snack and everything is too hard and when can I have a snack and I’m bored and can I go play and when is snack time and somebody stole my pencil” look.

Bless her heart.

So, the morning was going well when I suddenly had to take an important phone call. This signaled to the children that they must now run, yell, holler, get all the toys out, and begin a pillow fight.

I was not pleased.

So, I told the children they had to get the house back in order because, eventually, WE MUST LEARN SOMETHING.

Soon, I saw my girls running around quickly doing chores and checking things off of a list.

They cleaned rooms. They put laundry away.

I caught Daisy Mae on the couch praying.

Then, Sweet Pea, stopped what she was doing and led everyone in a worship song, complete with dance moves.

When they weren’t looking, I confiscated the list:

Here’s what is says, in their own spelling:

moms bed

clean room (Girls)

clean moms room

clean upstairs

Awana

School

Read to boys

Clean the Living Room

Kitchen

feed Lucy

feed bunny

mail

claen faces

clean hand

pray

read books

Bible

words

help Mom

Bible

eat dinner

snak

worshep God

A to Z Read

***

And they even gave themselves a sticker at the top for a job well done.

Aren’t they the cutest?

(Lest any of you think I am an evil dictator, I do not require my children to clean my room and make my bed.)

(Although the idea has merit.)

Happy Wednesday!

Posted in Uncategorized | 17 Comments

Random, Pointless Information on a Wednesday Morning.

Posted on November 17, 2010 by Taylor

Hold on to your pants, folks.

We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.

Consider this my formal apology for the length of yesterday’s post. I went back to reread it and fell asleep 4 times. If you are one of the gentle people who persevered and made it through the post, then I say to you, “Well done, Good Reader. Well. Done.”

I will try to make this one a little more . . . condensed.

Alright. Moving on.

So, you all may recall that we had a power outage on Monday night. And vomit. And marital discord.

See?

So much wind, a tree done got broke.

On Tuesday morning, we woke up with power (holla!) which was a good thing because we had to skedaddle into town.

First stop-Drop off a meal to someone in our church and pray that the meal is edible.

Don’t worry. It did not contain elk. I am not evil.

Second stop-Pick up the darling daughters from piano lessons.

Third stop-Portfolio Conferences for school.

And this, my friends, is where our story truly begins.

You may say, “Taylor! You home school! What are these portfolio conferences you speak of?”

Well, dear readers. It’s a long story. But I am in a special kind of home school program where you can have a contact teacher hold your hand and assure you that you are not messing up your children.

There is more to it than that. Just go with it for today’s purposes.

Now. I firmly believe there should be a special reward in heaven for people who have to haul multiple children to such events and attempt to have an “educated” adult conversation all while trying to facilitate two girls’ educational conferences and two naughty boys who could care less that their mother is attempting to appear as if she is “in control.”

I will have you know that I maintained eye contact with that teacher all while accomplishing the following:

1. Found a toy deer in my purse for Little Dude.

2. Retrieved a box of crayons and coloring books for Handsome Dude.

3. Noticed that some spare markers were in the box.

4. Removed aforementioned markers and shushed Handsome Dude’s protests in one swift move.

5. Stopped Little Dude from escaping 17 times.

6. Picked up text books knocked down by both boys.

7. Wiped up spilled water.

At one point during this fine morning, Handsome Dude asked me if he could throw something away. For some reason, the trash is down the hall and out of my line of site.

Being the fool that I am, I agreed.

And then we heard the loudest crashing sound known to man.

Adults were coming from all areas of the building to see what on earth had happened. I didn’t know there were so many people in this building.

And there was my Handsome Dude. Surrounded by knocked down water jugs.

Apparently he had tried to help himself to some water, which resulted in me no longer looking like I was in control of anything.

Darn it.

Can you see it? Can you see it?

His nose is all scratched up.

Do you notice what is missing on his darling face? Hmmm? Do you? Do you?

Somehow between Ruralville and town, his glasses lost a leg. Or an arm. Of whatever the long thing on glasses is called.

So. My girls are doing fine in school. My boys are still naughty. And then we had to go shopping.

My main goal in going to the store was to buy water jugs and flashlights.

You know.

For disaster-prepared-ness.

I spent $55 and guess what I forgot to buy?

Water jugs and flashlights.

*Random Topic Quick Change!*

My husband came home early and immediately set out for a hunting adventure.

He came home about 15 minutes later.

He had been heading out to his tree stand . . .

When right in his path was a deer.

It was a 5×5 buck to be exact.

Look at me with my big-girl-hunting-lingo!

So. He shot it. And then I had to be the photographer.

Joy.

To.

The.

World.

Bad News: I fear he thinks it is “mount-worthy.”

Yes. I was smart enough to put the wreath above the fire place to ensure no mount would be placed in it’s stead.

Because we all know that once wreaths are placed on a wall, they can never be moved.

Nevertheless!

There is still massive wall space above my bed.

Mayday! Mayday!

I need some ideas for what I should do to prevent impending disaster.

Please submit your suggestions post haste.

Good News: Hunting Season is over!

Let us all stand up and do a happy dance.

Bad News: Someone had the audacity to inform my husband that if you mix deer meat with pork meat it is somewhat edible.

Deer/Pig mixture in my freezer?

Ground Elk in my freezer?

I would like to make a formal statement:

From heretohenceforth, I am now renouncing all meat and meat byproducts. I will welcome vegetables and breads into my diet and try not to toss my cookies when I cook up some carnivorous meat for my manly-man husband.

Thank you and what has become of my life?

*Random Topic Quick Change!*

Ok. I am sorry. I know. Annoying.

But, here is your daily reminder to vote for me in the Babble-icious contest.

Thank you very much for taking the time to vote.

You rock my world. You complete me. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Click here.

I am now at #8!

Thank you!

Happy Wednesday!

PS-Did anyone else notice that this post was also extremely long and tedious?

I wish I weren’t a liar.

Posted in Uncategorized | 34 Comments

The Perks of Being a Mudder.

Posted on November 16, 2010 by Taylor

Handsome Dude.

You have all heard me speak of this 3-year-old boy from time to time . . . no?

He is exhausting, busy, unpredictable, stubborn, and naughty. He has peed on my washing machine, defrosted our freezer full of beef, peed on my dryer, made me question why God made me a mother, and broken no less than 78 pairs of glasses.

And he is precious to my heart.

Yesterday was a glorious day in which he decided to be my little helper. You see, Handsome Dude, as precious as he is, had created colossal messes in 4 separate rooms of our house. So, I asked him to start cleaning.

This never goes well.

Usually he throws himself on the ground for all the injustice and inhumanity in his world and shouts furious statements, such as:

“The Libbing Woom is too tired! I can’t clean it.”

“Cokey not helping me! He wee naughty.”

Cokey is his name for his brother.

And my personal favorite:

“I don’t like this. I’M GOING TO BED!”

Ah. That would be a shame.

Well, yesterday, as soon as I asked him to clean, he ran downstairs and cleaned his room. Then he proudly marched over to me and asked:

“What’s next, Mudder?”

Obviously, this means I am an awesome parent. Feel free to email me your quandaries with our own offspring and I will try to help you.

Handsome Dude also decided yesterday was the day for him to learn how to hang up clean shirts.

This task frustrated him.

(Look! See? There’s Horton Hatches the Egg! I told you people I have to read that darn book 3 times a day. I meant what I said and I said what I meant, I am not a liar, one hundred per cent.)

Finally, last night before bed, Handsome Dude was showing Little Dude a candle and telling him to smell it.

Calm down. The candle was not lit.

HD (short for Handsome Dude . . . keep up, people!): See, Cokey? Smewl it. Is nummy!

LD (short for Little Dude): Uh-huh!

HD: Cokey, wanna hold it?

LD: Uh-huh!

HD: Ok. But you gotta use three hands! I help you.

LD: K!

Little Dude.

Little Dude isn’t as helpful these days. If I ask him to do something, he yells,

“Just a minute!” or, more accurately, “Nah-Blah-Min-In!”

Yes.

My boys’ early language skills are impressive.

My boys.

They exhaust me. But I love being their mudder.

***

After the boys went to bed, The Lumberjack and I participated in, what I like to call,

“The Same Thing Happens Every Night.”

We are both exhausted, but like to pretend not to be. One of us suggests a show. The other agrees. One of us suggests a snack, even though neither of us are hungry. The other agrees. We eat. We watch. We sit. I ask my husband if he wants to go to bed or watch one more show.

“Another show is fine.”

Like the fool that I am, I fall for this trick of his nightly and in no time, he is twitching and snoring and snoring and twitching.

Such is my life.

Does anyone else have a spouse who does the weird tired-twitching thing when they are falling asleep?

Well, last night, while I was watching a show and LJ was twitching, the power went off!

Me: David! The electricity is out!

LJ: So?

Me: So? I’m scared.

LJ in his “I’m-too-tired-sassy-pants-voice”: Why are you scared?

Am I the only human who gets scared when wind is howling, the house is in complete darkness, and the fear of no electrical appliances in the morning lurks about?

Right then, we hear Little Dude wailing from downstairs in his crib. Little Dude is wee afraid of the dark. The Lumberjack and I try to get ourselves from the upstairs loft to the main living room and find some flashlights. We find a tiny one and use that one to help us find the bigger one.

Which is, of course, out of batteries.

The Lumberjack holds the tiny one for me so I can put in new batteries. I do and the flashlight doesn’t work.

Me: I wonder if I put them in wrong?

LJ: You did.

Me: Why didn’t you tell me I was doing it wrong?

LJ: Because you are an adult and you should know how to put batteries in.

Great. I see he is still hanging onto the “I’m-too-tired-Sassy-Pants-voice.”

I finally rush downstairs to Little Dude.

Little Dude was not wee afraid of the dark, friends.

Little Dude was wee covered in chunky vomit.

Ah. The joys of being a mudder.

So, I call to LJ that I need help and try to assess the damage. LJ comes down and, oddly enough, is annoyed at how I am handling things. He informs me that I need to get our son out of the crib.

This is information I am aware of.

However, it gets tricky because, may I remind you, OUR SON IS COVERED IN VOMIT.

LJ decides what I need is some trash bags and he heads upstairs to get some. When he returns, he is holding open the bag as I dump all the soiled linens in.

As I am dumping, he keeps sighing and rolling his eyes. Yes. He is still sassy.

Are we surprised?

No.

Me: Is something wrong, David?

LJ: Yes, Taylor. Why are you putting blankets in that don’t look like they have throw up on them?

Me: Hon. I’m just washing everything.

LJ: Whatever, Taylor.

Me: Can you get him in the bath?

LJ: Taylor. We can’t. There’s no power.

Me: We have no water?

LJ, again baffled by my stupidity: No, Taylor. But our pump is not going to work.

Me: Huh?

So, LJ disappears with vomit-boy into the dark abyss and somehow manages to wash him up, sans water pump, while I make up a new bed.

We get the sickly dude back to sleep and then go upstairs to get ourselves ready for bed.

Me: David, can I flush the toilet?

LJ: Kind of.

Me: David. Should I save flushes?

LJ: Taylor. We only have so much water and when it is gone it is gone because the PUMP is on ELECTRICITY.

Me: NEAT! Do you want me to not flush?

LJ: That would be great.

Then, I had the audacity to brush my teeth. As I was watering my toothbrush, he slammed off the water.

LJ: You just don’t get it, do you?

Me: Nope. Guess not.

So, we went to bed, grumpy and smelling like vomit. I was confused and scared and LJ was twitching and snoring.

A couple of hours later, I was awakened to a few lights and a very cheerful husband.

LJ: Look, hon! The electricity is back on! Love you!

Then he kissed me and went back to twitching and snoring.

That man exhausts me. All my boys exhaust me.

***

Alright! Thank you for voting for me in the Babble Top 50 Mom Blogs! I am now at #9!

Holla, Voters!

Holla!

I have no idea how long this contest lasts or how the voting works. I have heard from some people that you can vote once a day, while others say you can vote once. I don’t know when this will end. I don’t know how many more times I will shamelessly beg you do vote for me.

I apologize for all the unknowns.

If you wouldn’t mind, you can click here to vote. Once you click on the link, you scroll down a bit and find my blog’s name and then you click on the little “thumbs up” picture that says, “I like this Blogger.”

I would really love to remain in the Top Ten.

Thank you again!

Happy Tuesday!

Posted in Uncategorized | 23 Comments

Here Comes Trouble!

Posted on November 15, 2010 by Taylor

Hello. Good Morning. How are you?

I trust you all had a fantastic weekend.

We had our first snowfall. We watched Dumbo. Dumbo is kind of a weird movie. The Lumberjack was dumbfounded that it was made in 1941 and was in color. We discovered we needed a new filter for our WELL.

You know what happens when you need a filter for your well? You water is filled with tons of iron and clay-like matter.

And then your boys take a rusty-red bath. And your boys, who are brilliant, both accuse the other one of “pottying” in the path.

Because everyone knows that potty, when it meets bath water, turns into a rusty-red clay.

Have you ever heard that statistic that half of all you will ever know is learned by the time you are the age of 5?

Pray for my boys.

***

Back to some Questions and Answers!

Don’t pretend you aren’t excited.

From Kelli

How long do you think you will homeschool the children?

Until the Jesus returns, unfortunately.

Or until they no longer needeth an education.

Or until we move.

Or until they put a fantstic school in Ruralville.

Fun Fact: Daisy Mae asked me if she gets to do homeschool college.

I am pretty sure her homeschooled college degree will work in her favor in a job interview, don’t you?

and how do I potty train my 28 month old ?

Kelli.

Do you not recall my episode of potty training Handsome Dude?

I am not the gal to ask.

The only thing I can say is:

1) If she is not ready, she is not ready.

2) You gotta go all or nothing. None of this “diapers at night” business.

Embrace the wet sheets and soiled clothes, Kelli. Breathe in the smells and savor your blessings.

These are the joys of motherhood.

From Virginia Girl

Hmm, I’m curious about time management. Between taking care of your 4 children, homeschooling, laundry, cooking, house stuff, etc. how do you get any sleep? Do you get any sleep?

Yes! I am happy to report that I do, in fact, sleep!

My life has changed quite a bit. I did add homeschooling to my plate, but also a lot of others things have been taken off. There are many days a week where we don’t leave the house at all.

Do you know how long it takes to properly clothe, sock, and shoe 4 children? And load them in a ginormous rig?

That right there saves me at least 2 hours a day.

My husband gets home later now, too, so it seems like I have more time some days to get everything done. And I have been sending him to the grocery store more often since he is the lucky fool who gets to go to town daily.

Fact: Lumberjacks hate shopping.

Fact: Lumberjills didn’t really want to move to Ruralville in the 89th place.

Fact: Lumberjacks who appreciate Lumberjills for moving to Ruralville happily shop for eggs, cheese, milk, and unmentionables.

Aren’t I crafty?

Ok. I lied. He won’t buy unmentionables for me.

From Amy V

If you ever have time to read (which I hardly ever do) what types of books do you like to read? (By the way, I cannot remember if I have ever recommended The Hunger Games to you, but such an AWESOME book and series).

I have more time to read now that we moved, actually.

Books have replaced humans.

I just finished The Hunger Game Trilogy! And I loved it! I am now reading Little Women and it is tickling my fancy. Some other favorites:

Gone with the Wind, Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, Mayor of Castorbridge, and The Diary of Sarah-something-or-other that someone else recommended to me earlier in the year.
If you had all the time in the world to do whatever you want (and money was no object) what would you do? If you could go wherever you wanted to go where would you go (and why)?

I would love to take 2 vacations a year that did not involve huckleberry picking, fishing, hiking, rock sliding, and camping hair.

The first would be a family vacation to somewhere fantastic like Disneyland.

The second would be a vacation with just that silly Lumberjack of mine and be somewhere super nice and warm.

Such as the one we took last February.

And while we are at it, I would like a nice swimsuit body and the ability to just comb my wet hair out from after a shower and have it dry on its own in a perfectly, coiffed style.

And I would like to hire somebody to paint my peach walls.

Ok. Now I am sounding greedy. Just the two lavish vacations will do.

From Sharyl, The Little Brown House:

Does the Lumberjack cut down your Christmas tree himself every year? If so, will you be using one from your own home in Ruralville this time? I have a feeling you have some fun tree hunting stories…

We have tried to cut down our own tree and have gotten in a fight each time. You see, dear readers, I like Christmas trees that are thick and full.

And actually have branches.

These are hard to find up in the snowy mountains with kids fighting in their car seats and no suitable bathrooms in sight.

So to save gas and our marriage, we head to our favorite grocery store and get a beautiful tree, complete with thick branches for $19.99.

And then the Lumberjack takes it outside and trims it up a bit with his uber manly chainsaw.

I get my tree.

He gets to mutilate something.

It’s win-win.

From Erin

I have oft wanted to do a Q & A post, but I chicken out in fear that no one will leave me a question.
So I will surely leave you a question:

Why does your youngest child not look like his siblings? Do they have the same father?

Kidding! Kidding!

How about, what do you and LJ do in the evenings after the kids are in bed?

I realize that is up for misinterpretation. I am referring to G rated activities only.

Or possibly PG, PG-13, or R- rated activities, if you are watching movies only.

Well, I am fine with just vegging out in front of the TV and eating popcorn and soda.

But the Lumberjack prefers to sit on the couch, hold my hand, and profess is everlasting love for me as we gaze at the stars.

But a girl can only take so much romance, you know? So we generally watch TV.

And, Erin.

Your humorous remarks about the paternity of my youngest child brought a story to my mind.

The Lumberjack loves to tease me about this situation.

“Taylor. I know he is not mine. I have forgiven you and am learning to love him as my own.”

I do not appreciate his humor in this situation.

Anyways.

I work in children’s ministry at our church. There is this guy who works in children’s too, and I have not one clue what his name is.

I know, I know. You are supposed to be friendly at church. That is not the point.

For the purposes of this post, we will call him Gerald.

Simply for the fact that Gerald is a fanstastic name.

Gerald is always hollering (not holla/nor hola) to me from across the lobby.

“There she is!”

“Hey, you!”

“Here comes trouble!”

Am I trouble?

Anyways, I find Gerald’s actions to be odd. But I smile and nod and get the heck away.

Because there’s one thing I know about Gerald:

I don’t know who Gerald is.

Anyways, I never told the Lumberjack about Gerald, nor had Lumberjack ever witnessed Gerald hollering at me.

One night as we were in the parking lot, Gerald walked by The Lumberjack and I.

Gerald: Hey! There she is! WooHoo!

And then he did that weird like thumbs up shaking thing that cool people, other than myself, do at times to express great excitement.

And Gerald continued to head into the building where he would be serving in children’s ministry, bless his heart.

The Lumberjack sighed and looked at me.

“That’s Little Dude’s dad . . .isn’t it?”

ha!

Oh, that made me laugh.

Lumberjacks can be and are, at times, humorous!

Who knew?!

For the record, I am sure Gerald is a nice guy who is just trying to befriend other fellow children’s ministry peeps.

And, just to clear things up . . . The Lumberjack is, most assuredly, Little Dude’s father.

Happy Monday!

Posted in Questions and Their Answers | 24 Comments

Daydreams and Denim Jumpers

Posted on November 13, 2010 by Taylor

What a day for a daydream.

What a day for a daydreamin’ boy.

And I’m lost in a daydream.

Dreamin’ bout my bundle of joy.

(Name the music artist)

***

It’s time for the COW (Comment of the Week)

This week’s winner is my real-life friend MindyLou.

I’m sorry, maybe I’m mistaken, but I thought this blog belonged to to Taylor Mali-blah-blah, the city girl who likes coffee from the yummy little place downtown and jewelry from the awesome jewelry store just down the block from that. NOT the home-schooling-makes-her-own-soap-and-detergent-girl-without-internet. Ha! Just kidding. I still love you. But really, are you feeling okay? If the next time I see you you are wearing a denim jumper, I may hurt you. I draw the line there. Will miss you here in internet world. Please come back soon! PLEASE!!! I need you!! xoxo, Sweet Sugar Pants MindyLou

Don’t worry, Mindy. I am worried about myself, too.

***

Thank you for voting for me in the blogging contest! I was around #200 when I first discovered I was nominated and now I am at #30! Also, thank you to whoever nominated me.

If you haven’t yet, and wouldn’t mind, could you vote for me?

It would be uber fantastic.

Click Here.

(Once you find my blog, you click on “like this blogger”)

Happy Weekend!

Posted in Comment of the Week!, Uncategorized | 15 Comments

Ah. The World Wide Web.

Posted on November 11, 2010 by Taylor

For many years, months, weeks, days, I have been hoping my husband would bring me home a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

Tonight he brought home the next best thing: The World Wide Web.

You know what happens when you don’t have an Internet connection?

A lot.

Seriously. You can get lots of stuff done. Truly. You should try it.

Could it be that the Internet is a colossal waste of time?

I might be on to something.

***

On to the questions and answers post!

I am going to try to answer them all, but not in one post.

That would be excessive.

From Shannon:

If you can do it without giving the names away, how did you decide what to name your children?

Sweet Pea’s name was determined to be a short, one-syllable name. Our last name is truly long and has 4 syllables, so we thought giving her something simple was the least we could do.

Her name was between Claire and the name we chose. The Lumberjack made the final decision right after she was born

Daisy Mae’s name is a strange name of which no one has ever heard of and lots of people think she is a boy.

It is 2-syllables, so apparently we no longer felt the need to be kind to our children regarding their endless last name.

We chose it because it was the only name we both said, “sure” to.

The boys names were the hardest. I know I have shared this before, but Lumberjacks are uber difficult when it comes to picking out a boy name.

His contributions?

Tuck

Gunther

Chick

Link

If you like any of the above names, I mean you no ill-will.

After I threatened to dress him in clothes from the GAP, he came to see the light and we chose sensible names for both the boys.

Who each have a 2-syllable name.

Fact: Lumberjill has no beef with The Gap. But Lumberjack does.

Even Funner Fact: Thanks to Handsome Dude, we don’t have any beef at all!

(That was an inside joke for peeps who have read this blog for a fortnight or seven.)

What’s your favorite “date” after getting married?

I thoroughly enjoyed our entire Cancun vacation. I blogged all about it and you can find it starting here.

Is LucyFur being trained as a hunting dog?

I don’t think this thought has even permeated my husband’s mind.

Let’s keep it that way.

From Namacura

Hola! What is your favorite holiday memory with your children?

For the love of Pete, Namacura!

It’s Holla! Not Hola.

Sheesh, Amiga.

Sheesh.

I really like decorating the Christmas tree with the kids. This may come as a shock to you, but my husband isn’t the least bit festive. So as the kids have gotten older, I have had more fun getting into the spirit of things.

Would you like to hear a story about my husband and decorating?

Each year since we wed, I have asked him to hang outdoor Christmas lights. And he refuses.

He’s such a snooty-pants.

One year, I called him from the store and informed him that this was the year he would be making his lighting debut.

Me: I am at the store. I am buying lights.

David: Whatever, Taylor.

Me: How many strands should I get?

David: Um. Zero.

Me: No. We are doing this.

David. We don’t have any electricity on the outside of the house.

Me: Seriously?

David: Yes.

Me: Fine. But next year is the year.

David: Whatever, Taylor.

So, I was distraught and dismayed and drove home. As I was driving, I had an epiphany.

Yes. An epiphany.

And as soon as I came home, I let him in on the epiphany, too.

Me: Um. YOU ARE AN ELECTRICIAN.

David: Yeah. I can’t believe you fell for that one.

Me: How long would it take you to hook up the outside electricity?

David: 20 minutes tops.

Me: Can you PLEASE do it?

David: Taylor. Look outside. What is on the house?

He had a point, friends. He had a point.

You see, dear readers, we were in the process of building our home. And we had not a bit of siding on the house. Just lovely white paper that read:

“TYVEK TYVEK TYVEK TYVEK.”

David: Nothing says “Christmas” like illuminating “Tyvek.”

I will have you know that I still have never had Christmas lights.

From Katie

Hmmm…real question…let’s see. What’s a funny dating/early marriage story that you haven’t shared with us?

When we were first dating, we were always leaving little gifts for each other on each other’s windshields while we were at work.

These were nice gifts, man!

Like, I would get flowers and a gift certificate to somewhere.

I would like to state for the record that my windshield has been a barren wasteland for 10 years.

But that is neither here nor there.

Once during this era of mass gift-giving, I noticed David was a little miffed at me.

Me: Is something wrong?

David: Well, I think it was kind of rude that you didn’t thank me for the flowers the other night.

Me: What flowers?

David: The flowers I left on your car!

Me: I didn’t get flowers!

David: Well, I left them for you.

After many minutes of hurting feelings and bitterness, I had a moment of clarity.

Me: David. Did you know that someone else who works near me has the same exact car as me? And she usually parks across the street. Is that where you put the flowers?

David: Oh. Maybe.

Me: Hmmm.

David: Well. At least she knows I love her.

From Vicki B

What were you going to major in at college? How did Mr. Lumberjack end up an electrician?

I majored in elementary ed and I did graduate with my degree.

Which thorougly explains why Daisy Mae writes the number that comes after 29 like this: Eo

Mr. Lumberjack started off in school to be a teacher as well.

Then he went into computers.

Then he decided to throw caution to the wind and become an electrical apprentice for . . . wait for it . . .

$6 an hour.

Those were meager times, folks. Meager times.

Good thing I donned a hairnet daily and brought home the bacon.

***

Alright! That’s all for tonight. Thanks for the questions!

Happy Thursday!

PS- I was informed by The Musician’s Wife that I was nominated for this Blogging Contest of Top Mom Blogs, so if you would like to vote, I would be much obliged.

Attention Mom and Dad: You must click on the words “Blogging Contest.” You will be redirected. Do not be alarmed. It will be ok.

I think I am around #88.

Thank you.

Posted in Questions and Their Answers | 31 Comments

Lame and Lamer.

Posted on November 8, 2010 by Taylor

Well.

I am not sure if any of you have noticed or not, but my Internet presence has been somewhat scarce over the past few days.

That is because our Internet Service is lame.

And is charging us outrageous amounts of dollars.

Lame.

And we have to cancel it.

Which will cost more insane amounts of dollars.

Lamer.

So. It goes away at midnight tonight.

When will we get new Internet Service?

I cannot be certain.

It all depends on the gazelle-like swiftness of my Lumberjack (who will be acting as an electrician) as he prowls about town during the weekdays.

Godspeed, Lumberjack.

Godspeed.

***

In other news . . . a few of you thought maybe my lagoon of human waste matter might be illegal.

Could it be?

That would be a bummer. And then we might have to move. Which may or may not be a bad thing.

I am still thinking about it.

But our realtor who sold us this blessed land is coming over for dinner tomorrow night. So, if it is illegal, perhaps I shall throw food at him. Or poison him.

Or just cook how I normally cook and kill him with blandness.

Is it a bad sign that they offered to bring pizza so I wouldn’t have to cook?

Thoughts?

***

I gave the boys haircuts tonight.

We’ll just leave it at that.

***

I made my own laundry soap and fabric softener this weekend.

And now I am curious if one can make their own dish soap?

What is happening to me?

Somebody send out a rescue mission immediately.

***

And now, since I can’t talk to you all in awhile, I am just going to vomit meaningless information at you.

You’re welcome.

1. It might snow tomorrow.

2. LucyFur chased scores of turkeys around the plantation today.

3. I tasted elk.

4. I am still alive.

5. Barely.

6. How many times a week ought a person leave their home? What is and is not healthy?

7. My Internet service is lame.

8. I am still reading Horton Hatches the Egg at least two times a day.

9. Praise report! The elk that the Lumberjack shot, and we are now using as daily sustenance, did not have impressive antlers and shall not be hanging above my bed!

10. Did you know I am almost 30? This discourages me.

That’s it!

Farewell!

Happy Lame Monday!

Posted in Uncategorized | 33 Comments

A November Walk

Posted on November 7, 2010 by Taylor

A few evenings ago, the offspring and I took a little stroll amidst the lands that surround our humble abode.

(Now that was an excellent sentence.)

There’s just not that much else to do.

Attention Smart People: Could somebody please assure me that the photograph below is not a picture of a deadly snake’s den?

Because then I would have to move.

And that may or may not be a bad thing. I haven’t decided.

The purpose of this walk was so Daisy Mae could lead us all to the super-cool-fantastic-secret pond she had found.

It was quite the pond, I tell ya.

But soon I got to thinking . . . an activity I do participate in from time to time . . . when did Daisy Mae go wondering about the vast lands finding ponds and stepping over the holes of anacondas?

And did I say she could?

You can’t expect me to keep track of ALL four of them ALL of the time, now can you, dear readers?

That would be a daunting task.

You know those invisible fence things they make for dogs? Do they work for children?

Please advise.

Oh, Look! It’s my manly-man-hunter’s tree stand!