The Lumberjack's Wife

Here is your daily snow picture:

I saw a bunch of frantic turkeys the other day.  Poor animals.  I wonder where they go in this arctic tundra?

I am finally going to finish answering all the questions.  I hope I remembered everyone!

From Gina

Have your girls starting borrowing “your things” and then go crazy when you ask to borrow something of theirs? (your girls may still be a little young for this one so if they are…)
I would love to say that I can fit into a girls size 7.   And I know I appear to be petite and all . . . but, no.  We cannot yet share clothes

Daisy Mae is constantly begging to wear my long, dangly, costume earrings.  However, I have known this child a long time and have seen her walk straight into walls and fall down for no apparent reason.

She can’t handle the costume earrings.

We share ponytail holders.

How often do you and LJ have a “date night” (no kiddos)?

Once every 3 months or so.

Boo.  Lame.  Boo.

From Katie B:

Do you write letters to Santa?

I finally stopped.  I am beginning to think he isn’t real.

When do you put up decorations?

Around the first of December.

When do you allow Christmas music to start being played/sang in the house/car?

Mariah Carey has been performing here daily for us every since the snow fell.

All I Want for Christmas is You, baby.

From Heather (not the nurse and not living in ND)

Hi Taylor! (I’m yelling at my computerish device now)

1. Do you and the LJ fight or have arguments over stupid stuff? If so, I will require an example.

Never.  We live in perfect harmony.

He’s thrilled whenever I complain, whine, or give him safety lectures and I’m dazzled each time he uses severed deer heads to taunt me, leaves the toilet paper roll empty, sneaks food that I made onto the kids plates when he doesn’t care for it, and chases 400 pound pigs down the highway.

Here’s a question for you, readers.

My husband has the strangest system with his clothes. 

 Dirty clothes, of course, go in the hamper.

Clean clothes hung in the closet.

But . . . he also has a “kind of clean/kind of dirty” section.  These clothes just get thrown in a pile on the floor of the closet.

If I hang them up, he gets mad.  Because they are not truly clean.  If I wash them, I am silly.  Because they weren’t really dirty.  I feel that if he is willing to wear them again, hanging them up is feasible.

Is the Lumberjack insane?  I vote yes.

2. Are you ever going to share with us what two things you are not allowed to blog about? Inquiring minds need to, nay must know!

Do you want my husband to kill me?

There is a lot of weaponry in this house.

3. If you weren’t a super awesome stay at home mom/homeschool teacher/dog trainer/cook/maid/supervisor/task master, what would your dream job be? What would the LJ’s dream job be?

I would like to be an ultrasound technician who worked minimal hours and made maximum dollars.  Ideally, I would love to go to the gym and frequent it 5 times a week.  My husband would take me on lavish vacations each year.  And I would never have a bad hair day.

LJ is not here.  But, it is safe to say that he truly wants to be a logger.

That is all. Over and out!

10-4, Heather not the nurse and not living in ND.

From Gianna

Do you have a lawn to mow? And if you do, who does it?

Our new place does not have grass.  It has bushes and weeds.  Our well doesn’t produce enough water to actually water a lawn, so we will not ever have one.

LJ is hoping to bulldoze it all and plant “prairie grass.”

Or whatever in the heck that is.

He’s weird.

We have to regularly mow the other house . . . you know . . . the cute one in town by the lake? 

I try to mow, but I can’t ever start the lawn mower.

Darn.

From Mindee

My questions:
1) Why are the pictures on your blog suddenly bigger? Are you getting all fancy pants on us?

Fancy is my middle name.

2) What is the liquid Taylor? What IS the liquid?

(This was from a comment I left on Mindee’s blog.  It refers to puddles of mysterious liquid that has toilet paper soaked into it and can be oft found on the floor of public restrooms.)

Urine, Mindee.

The liquid is urine.

Wash your hands.

From JoAnne:

Why is buying a house so much work? I am exhausted. Why do they want to see my third grade report card before they give me a loan?

I don’t know.  All I know is that when we bought our house, I had worry diarrea for a week.

Mostly because I was worried I would have to move to Ruralville.

When are you guys coming to visit?

When you properly invite me.

What is your favorite recipe, for like, food?

I can’t say.  Basically, because I am an amazing cook and all my recipes are just from my brilliant mind and can never be duplicated.

But to give you an idea on what you are missing out on, each night, my husband praises me and my mad wifely skills and my kids declare themselves blessed to be birthed from my loins.

From Christina

If that is your messy house then I don’t know if we can be friends.
Are we friends?

Yes.

 I always thought of us as friends, even though we’ve never met.
Can we be friends?

Yes.

Even though my house is about 78 times messier than yours?

It’s not.
What is your favorite line from a movie? (That is for each of you.)

LJ is not here.  His probably has to do with guns and shooting and whatnot.

I have too many to pick just one.

Today, I’m liking:

“I made my family disappear.”

Name that movie.

From Debra

Do you like beets? And if so, or even if not, how do you get the beet stain out of the carpet?

No and clear ammonia mixed with hot water takes lots of oopsies out of carpet.

Not that I know about oopsies on carpet.  LucyFur.

From Calfkeeper

I have a question (and an answer to one of the questions above): How do you convince a 3 and 1/2 yr old who’s just been potty trained that she can’t go commando the rest of her life, she needs to wear panties under her pants, dresses…etc?

Well.  I bought my son 9 pairs of new underwear to encourage him to like underwear.

And he tried to put all 9 pairs on at once.

So, I am not a good person to ask.

From Melissa

What is a “Carhartt?”

Oh, Melissa.  You could not be a Lumberjack’s wife.  Nor an electrician’s.

Carhartt is a brand of heavy duty work clothing.

My husband has classified his Carhartt collection into two categories.

The first is “Work Carhartts.”

Work Carhartts are what he wears every day of his life.  They are torn and ripped from where drills have gone through them and chainsaws have knicked them.  They have 65 convenient pockets, of which I always miss one and end up washing a fuse or two.

A little electrical phrasology there for you.

The second is “Dressy Carhartts.”

These are the Carhartts that are kept spanking new for occasions such as weddings, funerals, and any other event where I tell him he has to wear a button down shirt and he throws a fit and says, “Fine.  But I am wearing my dressy Carhartts.”

It’s all about compromise, people.

Dressy Carhartts still have the added bonus of many, convenient pockets.

None of my pants can hold sippy cups.

Holla, Carhartts!

Holla.

Happy Wednesday!

***

Do you know what this means?

This means that on this, the 18th day of November, in the year Two-Thousand-and-Ten-of-our-Lord, I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah, will be lucky enough to try and prepare four children for outside-fun-snow-cold-fun-wet-white play.

It will take me 2 hours to do this.

And 15 minutes after they go out, they will be tracking snow/mud through the house, shivering, and begging for hot chocolate.

Of which they will spill.

***

Today was also my Grandma’s birthday.

(she is on the right)

She was my buddy and I miss her so.  She passed away nearly four years ago.

***

Word on the street is from November 18th-21st from 2-5pm, Starbucks is offering buy one get one free holiday drinks.

Don’t say I never hooked you up.

News of great sadness:  I have no hopes of leaving the house any time soon.

***

I have got me some more questions to answer.  If you missed the first two answer posts, click here and then here.

In that order.  Or the universe will surely collapse and life as we know it will cease to exist.

From Joyce.

Did you and your sister get along growing up?
Is there a story that illustrates your answer?
Surely you have a story.
I’m betting you have a story.

Oh, Joyce.  You are a silly.

My sister and I did get along, but she was four years younger than I, so I spent more time with my brother, as I was only two years his elder.

Here is the story you assumed I would have:

Since I was closer to my brother, we would tend to gang up on poor Meagan.  One year, our family was visiting my grandma (the one I just shared about) in California.

Alert:  I just gave up critical information.  Now you all know that I do not live in sunny, southern California.  Just in case the snow didn’t tip you off.

Anywho.

We would spend all day in my grandma’s pool. 

All. 

Day. 

My brother and I, being the cool ages of 14 and 12, decided to make up a pool dance.

Yes.  That’s right.  A pool dance.  We called it, “Pool-Capades.”

We had this thing choreographed and everything.  It was to the song of “I Want More” from The Little Mermaid.

(Source)

My sister was given one role and one role only:  Her job was to gracefully leap through the middle of a round inner tube when me and my brother belted out, “But who cares?  No big deal!  I want more!”

Folks.  She could not get this part right.  Each time she did it she would nearly drown and ruin the whole scene by coughing and spitting and wiping snot from her nose.

She was cut.

She has never forgiven me.

This was sort of relationship we had.  Me and my brother would leave her out.

For shame, Lumberjill.

For.

Shame.

And for the record, I am fully aware that I was probably too old to be choreographing pool dances.  It’s pretty sad when your own mother makes fun of you.

For the record, that pool dance brought down the house.

From Jessy:

Why did LJ stop playing Mafia Wars? Or did he finally get his own Facebook account? I have to admit, I was a bit confused for a while as to why you were so into that game. Then I found out it was your husband hijacking your account to play. It made more sense then.

His Mafia Wars addiction has been the greatest embarrassment of my adult life. 

Fact:  Lumberjacks are too “cool” to get a Facebook account.

Fact:  Lumberjack felt it was perfectly fine to hijack his wife’s account and make her look like she was a mastermind mobster in the interweb world.

Fact:  Lumberjill is uber happy that Lumberjack got tired of it.

From Noelle:

You’ve probably already answered this somewhere in the blog, and if so, just refer me to a link but…what made you decide to move to Ruralville?

I ask myself the same thing every day.

ha!

I think I talk about it a bit in this post.

From Queen of the Brussels Sprouts:

Are you hungry?

Always.

From Adrienne:

Hey! Here’s a question: Can you forgive a bad friend who stopped reading your blog (not just yours, but all blogs) but is now FINALLY back and ready for more?

Sorry, no.

You are the weakest link.

Goodbye.

hahaha!  Totally kidding.

Sure thing, Jelly Bean!  I missed you!

From Christine C:

Tell us one obscure fact about yourself that we would never know by looking at you…. For example -(you know this one, but most don’t) I can make spectacular cakes, make homemade breads and marshmallows; but buy hard boiled eggs as I find that too difficult. So tell us something quirky about you.

Can you really buy eggs hardboiled?  Amazing.  If I can hardboil an egg, surely you can.

I don’t know what I have shared and who was reading at the time I shared, so I shall just share a few obsure facts:

1)  I make every effort to avoid unprotected left turns.  They are the devil.

2)  I have lost a lot of hearing in my right ear over the years.  I had a surgery to correct it and most is restored, but I have a hard time hearing things right sometimes.  For some reason as a child, all of my middle ear bones disintegrated.

3)  I have had 5 knee surgeries.

Look at me!  Fake ear, fake knee . . . I’m like the Bionic Woman.

4)  I’m not the outdoorsy type.  Does this shock you?

5)  I can’t roll my tongue.

6)  There is a large buck hanging in my garage.  This means I cannot go in my garage.

7)  I loathe to exercise.  This may baffle you on account of my rock hard abs.

8)  I sucked my thumb until I was in kindergarten.

9)  I can build a better fire than Lumberjack.

10)  I have issues with raw meat.

****

Here we go again.

Does anyone know when this contest ends??  Seriously.  I cannot keep asking you until the end of the year!

Oh, the humanity.

Click here to vote for me in the Babble Babble Boo Boo Contest.

Of which I know nothing about.  All I know is I am #7 and lots of the other contestants have a button.

I don’t have a button.  Should I?  Who has a button?  Is this important?

When will the madness end?

Happy Thursday!

PS-You guys seriously have to tell me when I have spelling/grammar errors.

I am always on a super short time allotment whilst blogging and type at lightning fast speed while my kids are occupied.

Did you know that yesterday, instead of saying a deer was in David’s path, I said a deer was in David’s bath?

I don’t know what is more disturbing:

The fact that no one caught it

or

The fact that you all went with it.

I mean, I know he is obsessed with the hunting/outdoor life, but . . . .

Hmmm.

Ok. Bye.