Happy Girls, Serious Boys

On Sunday, we got our family pictures taken for the first time in the history of our Maliblahblah family.

The children did extremely well.

Psych!

Ha!  Does anyone still say “psych” anymore?  Or just cool people like me?

Anyways, as a friend commented, the theme for these pictures should be:

“Happy Girls and Serious Boys.”

Our photographer/friend did a fantastic job and even wiped snot off of not one, but two of my boys’ noses.

If that’s not great service, I don’t know what is!

Here are some of the shots:

And . . . for the biggest surprise of all . . .

She captured a smile!

Happy Tuesday!

Posted in Uncategorized | 39 Comments

Proud Drivers Against the Use of Four Wheel Drive.

These are the sorts of shenanigans that occur when sisters take pictures of each other:

And this is what happens when you have to patch your cranky three-year-old son’s eye . . .

Wrath, fury, really bad hair, and a dishwasher that just can’t seem to get unloaded.

You’ve been forewarned.

***

I have an “issue” with my husband. 

Yes.

An issue.

You see, dear readers, my husband insists we drive large vehicles that require vast amounts of fuel and have impressive towing capacities.  Another perk to these vehicles is that they can be easily switched to 4 wheel drive, if ever the need arises.

Herein lies the issue:  My husband never feels that the need actually arises.

We can be skidding and sliding and shooting snow out the back tires . . . and I will kindly suggest he easily push the button that switches to 4 wheel drive.

David/AKA LJ/AKA Lumberjack/AKA whatever else he is called:  Nah.  Don’t need it.

Me:  Sure we do.  We are stuck.

David:  Nah.  I can get it.

Me:  Why?  Why, why, why?

David:  Because after a couple of minutes, I can get it going no problem.

Me:  We have 4 wheel drive.  Can we just use it?

David:  No.  I can do this.

Me:  If you’ve got it, flaunt it.

David:  No.  I got it.

This is the power struggle in our marriage, folks.  And the irritation.

WHY NOT?

It is a requirement that every vehicle we buy (minus the tiny mouse-infested Honda, but that is a frustration for another day) has 4 wheel drive and can tow our house if we needed it to.

SO.  Why require it if you refuse to use it?

I will have you know that I have NEVER gotten a vehicle stuck in the snow.

You go ahead and ask my husband how many vehicles he has gotten stuck in the snow.

Or if he has ever taken out our mailbox in one of his “Proud-Drivers-Against-The-Use-Of-4-Wheel-Drive” moments.

Not that our mailbox was taken down by one of our vehicles 9 days ago.

That was just a hypothetical scenario.

In fairness, you could ask me how many car accidents I have gotten into compared to my husband and the answer might knock your socks off.

In more fairness, you could ask which one of us drove a truck about 5 miles with the emergency brake on and scolded the other one for making them drive the stupid, big truck that was smoking for no apparent reason.

Most fairest of all:  I have a blog.  And he doesn’t.

Neener.  Neener.

***

Yesterday was a fun-filled day. 

We went sledding!

I was pretty proud of that fact that I could squeeze into the snowpants I purchased prior to birthing 4 children.

And I don’t use the term squeeze lightly.

My girls did, however, continually ask me if my pants were too small.

Because they looked too small.

I did not let that burst my bubble.

I wore my tiny snow pants with much pride and suffocation.

These were all taken with my fancy new phone.

Preciousness.

Whee!

David:  Hey, hon!  Get pictures of me going off this jump.

Wait for it . . .

Wow.  That jump was . . . impressive.

Handsome Dude had a grand time and did not stop once.  Up and down he went.  He was so precious and so good that I think I will just have David build a snow mountain for him and then I can set him loose and not have to deal with his naughtiness until springtime.

You might be wondering where Handsome Dude’s glasses are.

They broke.

Shortly after the whole patching incident that was mentioned earlier.

Coincidence?

I.

Think.

Not.

Happy Monday!

Posted in Uncategorized | 27 Comments

Paranoid, much?

Question:

Who’s going to the beach with me today?

Hardy-har-har.

I pull that one on my kids daily.  Poor Handsome Dude always thinks we are really going.  His cognitive reasoning skills are lacking, bless his heart.

Folks.  We must talk.  About the elephant.  You know.  The elephant.  In the room.

My voice.

After I painstainkingly posted a darling video of my darling son, some of you said my voice was weird.

Which got me thinking . . . . do I have a weird voice?

Am I one of those people that other people shy away from because their voices are just so . . . . annoying?  Is this why people in blogland think I am more interesting than people in real land . . . because people in real land can’t stand to listen to me?

Is this why my friends convinced me to join the world of texting?

Is this why my husband moved me out to Ruralville?

To spare the human population of voices such as mine?

Do I sound like this woman?

(source)

(Name that TV show)

Here is a sampling of what you all said:

“Your voice does not sound the way it did in my head though. Weird.

That was Mindee

“Aah! That is exactly what I was going to say. I don’t know what exactly I thought it would sound like, but it was different.”

Different bad or different good?

“I agree with Mindee, you don’t sound like I thought you would. (Not that you sound bad or anything….)”

Mm-hmm.  Sure.  Right.

“And for the record, I think it makes your voice sound higher pitched than it does it real life. I’m just saying. Little ole’ me’s opinion. Over and out, good buddy. Ten-four.”

This reader feels the need to defend my horrendous voice.

“But truly, my favorite part was hearing your voice. It is lovely.”

I am completely suspicious of the motives behind this comment.  Is this a sympathy comment?  Like someone telling me my hair looks “nice” when I know I look like a drowned rat?

“He’s a cutie. You have a lovely voice!”

More sympathy!  Oh, the humanity!

“I love Little Dude. And I agree with everyone that Taylor sounds differently, but she was holding a camera and trying to coerce a little guy into an impromtu performance.”

Another comment in defense of my shrill, awful voice.  Great.

So.  I was starting to truly believe that my voice could be compared to fingernails scratching slowly down a chalkboard when Erin left a comment.

Erin!  Erin will tell me the truth!

Because there is one thing I know about Erin:  Erin can be harsh.  And hilarious.

But, Erin didn’t mention the voice!  That means it is okay, right?

OR . . . my voice is so bad, she feels wrong about teasing me about it.  Or she didn’t actually take the time to watch the video of my cute son.

Tsk, tsk, Erin.

So, I decided to ask my dearheart friend, Bimlissa.  And she suggested I get a voice transplant.

Video blogging.  It is not for the faint of heart.

Nor the paranoid.

***

My husband picked up the pig today.  God rest its 400lb soul.  And a ham is in the oven from this fugitive pig.

I have never cooked a ham.

Let us pray that none of us shall die from food poisoning.

***

Tomorrow is an exciting day my friends.

100 (meaningless) points to whomever can guess what we are doing.

I shall give you a hint.

Happy Weekend!

Posted in Uncategorized | 32 Comments

How to Properly Upload Video to Your Blog

I am linking up to a bloopers blogging party for this post!  This stupid post seriously took me hours to figure out.

Someday, I shall be smarter than my computer.

Some.

Day.

To join in on the Blooper Fun, click here!

1.  Buy a fancy new phone, just because the salesperson talked you into it.

2.  Discover on a Tuesday night  that your phone can capture video.

3.  Decide your son is uber precious and you must share this with your poor, unsuspecting blog readers.

4.  Wonder if you can post from your phone.

5.  Guess what!  There’s an app for that!

6.  Spend too much time trying to upload video to blog via phone.

7.  Become annoyed when error code http 500 pops up.  8 times.

8.  Wonder how a clueless gal who writes a pointless blog is going to discover the meaning of any error code, let alone the 500th one.

9.  Become flushed with embarrassment when you discover that it did post to your blog, it just forgot to load the video. 

10.  Become even more embarrassed when you see many of your poor, unsuspecting readers have tried to click on this link.  This link that claims to have fantastic video.  Video that will change their lives.  If only they could see it.

11.  Give up.

12.  Get mad.  You are Taylor Maliblahblah.  Sure you can’t sew, make pie crust, stick to a diet, properly parallel park, prepare recipes with active dry yeast, exercise, or correctly fold a fitted sheet.  But I’ll be darned, Taylor Maliblahblah, if you can’t share your cute son with the world.

13.  Try again.

14.  Fail.

15.  Decide to take video from phone and put on computer.

16.  Become confused.

17.  Ask your Facebook friends.  Who hook you up.  Holla, Facebook friends! 

18.  Wonder why video is just sound, no picture.  Wonder if anyone would notice.  Or care. 

19.  Decide tonight is definitely a long underwear night for snow-blowing bliss.

20.  Wait for painfully slow uploads and jazz.

21.  Scrub toilets.

22.  Scrub tubs.

23.  Teach some school. 

24.  Discover that all waiting and uploading failed.

25.  Eat a piece of fudge.

26.  Order something called QuickTime.  Wait 4.7 years for that nonsense to install.  And it doesn’t work.

27.  Feel bad about fudge.  Do 10 jumping jacks and call it good.

28.  Look outside.  See that Lucy got into the garbage.

LucyFur.

29.  Call sister.  Complain about all the injustice of the computer world.  Plead for help.

30.  Look in the pantry for more food. Discover that Lucy somehow opened the olive oil.

LucyFur.

30.  Implement sister’s plan.

Which appears to work.  And now, after almost 48 hours of trying to share this video with you, I have to pose this question:
Does anyone really care?

Will anyone actually watch it?

Probably not.  And if it doesn’t work, just keep that to yourself, too.

Or else I will have to eat some fudge.  And this time I won’t do any jumping jacks.

So there.

What you have there is my Little Dude singing, “Mommy and Daddy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”  Then he tells me about trucks.  And then he refuses to kiss me.

See?

Completely worth 48 hours, a lost jug of olive oil, dirty diapers on my porch, and 2 pieces of fudge.

This video made possible by my Sister Meagan.

Three cheers for Meagan!

PS-For the love of everything, please tell me you like this video.

Thank you.

Posted in Uncategorized | 58 Comments

Seperate Beds. Gasp.

Today, I am linking up to Joyce’s Super Cool Linking Party.

 

I hear it is all the rage.

Joyce is da bomb and you should go and say “hello” or “holla (not hola)” to her post haste.

1. What is the most interesting thing you’ve done in the last year?

Hmmmm . . . let’s see.
I cannot decide.
My daughter turned 7. I went to the dentist. I potty trained my son (Oh, the Good Lord helped me through that trial) I lost 5 pounds.  I went to Cancun with my main man.  I went to a Walmart in Cancun.  I gained 5 pounds.  My daughter turned 6.  My son turned 3.   I lost 5 pounds.  My house, for the first time in 7 years,  was finally finished.  I moved to Ruralville.  Ruralville has a lagoon. My grandma died.   My son turned 2. I was informed that I have high cholesterol.   I turned 29.  For the first time.  I celebrated my 10 year anniversary with my husband.  I started a vacation rental business.I gained 5 pounds. My dearheart friend, Bimlissa, moved to mean old Tennesssee.  I went camping 4 billion times.  My husband turned 30.  Yikes. I picked 6 whole huckleberries.  I slid down a rock on a garbage bag.  I hiked.  I fished (kind of). I lost 5 pounds.  I started homeschooling (Oh, Dear Lord help me through this trial).  Our well had problems.  Yuck.  Our dog, Mabel, died. I gained 5 pounds.  We got a new dog, Lucy.  She is uber naughty.  My husband got an elk and a trophy buck.  And a pig.  I no longer like meat.  I learned how to use a snow blower.  I learned that turkeys can fly.
I learned that I can and do make long underwear look good.
All in all, it was a fairly uneventful year.
2. What is your most meaningful family heirloom?
David’s grandma made us a blanket for our wedding and it is beautiful.  Now, you all know I am a goon when it comes to all things arts and craftsy, so I cannot tell you if it was knitted or crocheted or quilted.
But I am going with crocheted, regardless of whether or not crocheted is spelled right.
The blanket is lovely.
3. What food festival would you most like to attend?
Joyce.
You seem to think I am able to travel the globe and attend such lavish festivals.
If I go to said festivals, Joyce, who, pray tell, will snow blow the road?  And who will find Handsome Dude’s glasses?
And who will bring delight unto my husband’s soul?
Clearly, I am his wellspring of joy.
Honestly, Joyce. 
But, anyways . . .
I like food.
I like food that I don’t have to cook.
I like food that my husband didn’t kill with a 22.  Or a shotgun.  Or a BB gun.  Or whatever in the heck he hauls around with him when he is wearing camo.
So, I would like any food festival that would fall into those categories.
4. Snow…do you love it or is it considered a four letter word where you live?
I like snow so long as I don’t have to drive in it.
Today, I had to drive in it.
Normally, I stay home for days on end.  However, today I just had to venture out into the great, white unknown to take my girls to piano lessons.
Attention girls:  You had better be famous concert pianists when you grow up.
Whilst the girls were at the aforementioned lessons, I took the boys to Walmart.
And my rig wouldn’t start when we were trying to leave.
Yes.  That’s right.
I said rig.
I had to call my husband.
Me:  My  car won’t start.
LJ (short for Lumberjack . . . keep up, people!):  *exasperated sigh* Did you leave lights on?
Me:  I don’t think so.
LJ:  Is the car in park?
Me:  Yes.
LJ:  Are you sure?
Me:  Yes.
LJ:  Do you hear anything when you turn the key?
Me:  No.  But the radio comes on.
LJ:  Is the car still in drive?
Me:  No.
LJ:  Are you sure?
Me:  Yes.
LJ:  Did you leave lights on?
Me:  No.
LJ:  Please tell me the car is in park.
Me:  Yes.
LJ:  Why are you so darn beautiful?
Me:  I have no idea.
Or something like that.
So, after much sighing and clarifying that the car was, in fact, in park, the Lumberjack had to drive all the way from wherever it was he was electrifying things to the Walmart parking lot to rescue his fair maiden.
He came.
He looked.
He popped the hood.
He took a hammer to the engine.
The rig started up.
He kissed me and disappeared again down the white, snowy road.
What is the point of this?
I don’t know.
Maybe the point is I should not have left.  The roads were awful.  I lost control of said rig a few times.  I said a lot of prayers.
And my girls lost their recital music.
See?  Stupid.  I shall stay at home until spring.
5. Can you ski? Do you ski? Are you any good?
No, No, and No.
6. What quality in your spouse or best friend are you most thankful for?
Well.
Here is a list of the things I like about David:
1)  He can back up a trailer like nobody’s business.  I ain’t kidding.  The man should compete for a trophy.
2)  He is usually in a good mood.  Even if he had a bad day at work.
3)  He loves the way I cook up some elk.
4)  He knows how to fix rigs with hammers.  This saves us a bundle.
5)  He has a book that we have had to haul around with us our entire married lives that is never to be taken to Goodwill.  It is called, “How to Be Your Own Veterinarian.”
6)  He dedicated this song to me on the radio:

7)  He thinks he is chubby.
8)  He is uber proud of his stinking parachute.
7. Describe the coziest spot in your home.
My bed.
  Let’s see.  It was a garage sale find (grody) and it is one of those tempurpedic thingies that is like two seperate beds.
When we were moving it in, my father in law asked if we were having marital problems.
But it is cozy.
8. Insert your own random thought here.
These pretzels are making me thirsty.
***
If you are feeling frisky, you should click on the badge at the top and join in with Joyce!
Happy Wednesday!
Posted in Uncategorized | 30 Comments

An Addition to the Maliblahblah Family

My burnt bacon finger has healed quite nicely and I am ready to continue on with the recap of the weekend festivities.

Aren’t you lucky?

As I mentioned before, I had stayed the night at my parent’s house and my family drove back home to the snowy wilderness.

Have you gone back as an adult to sleep at your parent’s house?

It is strange.

It is like stepping back in time.  My parents still act the same as they did when I was a young lass.  I think they might even have the same pajamas. 

It was freaky.

 Mother and I woke up and started off to shop around 7am, which is quite lazy for us on a Black Friday.  We shopped and shopped and shopped and hardly spent any money at all!

Not.

Something to ponder:  Is Black Friday still a good deal if you spend your life savings in one morning frenzy? 

But the deals, man!  The deals!  Somebody has to take advantage of them.

If not me, then who?

Right?

Hello?

Little Dude dropped my phone on Thanksgiving morn and it broke open into a million pieces.

I have instructed him numerous times that he is not to ever, under any circumstances, touch my phone.

Ever.

Period.

So.  I was surprised that this happened seeing as how my children always listen to their mother’s instruction and never disobey me.

Before my mother and I headed home, I asked her if we could stop by the Verizon store.

Me:  Hi.  My phone broke and I need a new one. 

Helpful Verizon Associate:  Ok.  What kind of phone are you looking for?

Me:  Whatever is free with my upgrade.  And I like the whole qwerty keyboard for texting.

I text.  I text a lot.

I am one of “those” people.

Helpful Verizon Associate:  Ok, let me see . . .

Me:  Oh!  And I don’t want any of those data plans.  Just a free phone and no data.

Lest any of you are confused, the data plans are extra charges a month for use of the Internet on your phone.  I think.  Maybe.

Helpful Verizon Associate:  Well, I do need to show you our Black Friday special.

Me:  Fine.  But no data.

Guess what I left with.

It’s a good thing I stuck to my guns.

Holy cow!  It’s like having the World Wide Web, A Kindle, A Music Player, A Camera, and a Computer in my pocket everywhere I go!

Oh!  And a phone!  It has a phone function, too!

Could I be any cooler?  Shall we take bets on how quickly one of the children will break it?

I have implented a new “Thou Shalt Not Ever Touch Mother’s Sweet New Phone Ever” rule.  And we all know how well my children listen to me.

No need to worry.

I had been contemplating trying to buy my father’s Kindle that he received for Christmas last year.  He has not touched it since my sister tried to show him how to use it.

He was, as usual, being a snooty-pants about it all and trying to pretend that he is going to get around to it eventually.

Remember his two-song Ipod?

Now he has a one-book Kindle.

But my magic phone has a Kindle app on it!  For free!  And there is a Kindle store.  With books . . . for free!

And it is safe to say that I have used a Kindle more than my father already.

Attention Dad:  I would like to formally withdraw my offer to purchase your One-Book-Kindle.  Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda, Dad.

Shoulda.  Woulda.  Coulda.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on this Pandora business.

I have never heard of Pandora.  I have been enlightened.  Does the whole world already know about this Pandora of which I speak?

I bet my dad doesn’t.

I am now too cool for school. 

Alright.  Well, after all of that nonsense, we had to head over to my sis-in-law’s house for some more food, fun, and fellowship in celebration of my ma-in-law’s birthday.

Jason and Amy were planning on driving from wherever-it-is-they-dwell to wherever-it-is-we-dwell to spend some time with us.  But the roads were nasty bad and they had to stay put.

Boo, nasty roads.

Boo.

Whilst we were eating, Jason happened to call and asked to be put on speaker.

Hmmm.  Things are getting suspicious.

Jason:  Hi, everyone!

David:  You’re engaged!

Jason and Amy: *awkward laugh*

I try to control my husband, Amy.  Honestly, I do.  But he is crazy and insane and weird and likes to hunt and has 4000 guns and refuses to smile and likes to fall trees and doesn’t eat cream cheese and sings in falsetto when he is picking huckleberries.

He is beyond help.  My apologies.

Jason:  Yes, everyone!  We are engaged!

Oh, for the excitement of it all!

Amy!  Amy!  Do you not read this blog?  Are you not aware of what you are getting yourself into??

2009_9_07 0052009_9_07 1402009_9_07 1842009_9_07 2072009_9_07 221

Being a Maliblahblah is not for the faint of heart.

Consider yourself warned.

Ha!  Kidding! 

Amy shall make a splendid Maliblahblah.

Alright. 

Happy Monday!

PS-Ha!  Did anyone think I was pregnant from my clever title?!

You’ve been punked!

Posted in Uncategorized | 29 Comments

Thanksgiving Clothed Open House

People.

I bring you this post with much pain and agony.  I was serving some bacon to my eldest and I burnt my right middle finger.  Right after my husband told me it was too hot.

He is such a know it all.

 And, as a result of this, each time I type any of the upper right letters of the keyboard, a tear is brought to my eye.

I do it all for you.  Is anyone reading this?  You better be.

Who has bad photography skills, a lumberjackish husband, a burnt finger and dislikes the taste/look/feel/thought of bacon?

This girl.

Bacon.  Another meat product I don’t like.  Meat gives me the willies.

So.  I trust you all had a lovely Thanksgiving, no?  We did make it out of our driveway afterall and forged ahead through the 3 UNPLOWED roads before making it to the slightly plowed highway. 

We drove past the nudist resort.  They had a sign outside that read,

“Thanksgiving Open House.  Clothed.”

Too bad we didn’t have some extra time.

Then we drove with much stress and skidding and sliding and stress. We did all this for two turkey dinners.

Turkey.  Another meat product.  Gives me the pee pee shivers.

Our first stop was my inlaws.  It was a quieter meal seeing as how the boys were both out of town.  The boys, of course, being my husband’s adult brothers.

Remember Jason?

Remember Alex?

Apparently they are too cool for us.

Whatever.

Sweet Pea reading to her cousin.  Fun Fact:  Sweet Pea had that same dress for her first Thanksgiving.

Where does the time go?

*tear*

Hold on to your pants, folks.  I am about to show you the star of the Maliblahblah Family Thanksgiving Table:

The Huckleberry Pie.

Let us have a moment to commemorate the 7.2 man hours of dreadful berry picking it took to create this yummy pie.

***

Thank you.

And now, I bring you:

Goober Parent Update:  InLaw/Husband/Computer/Internet Edition.

LJ (Lumberjack):  Dad.  Where did you butcher your pig?  Did you get a good deal?

Yes.  This is a typical Maliblahblah holiday meal conversation.

FIL (Father in Law):  Why?  Were you able to get your pig off the side of the road?

LJ:  How did you know about it?

FIL:  Somebody told me it was in that blog.

MIL (Mother in Law):  Taylor.  We cannot ever find your blog!  We need help.  Where is it?

My husband, being the silly that he is, went and got the laptop and pulled up my blog right then and there for my inlaws to read.

Oh,  for the horror.

MIL:  Ok.  So I see the blog here.  But how will I find it on my own?

LJ:  www.thelumberjackswife.com

MIL:  Every time?

LJ:  Every time.

MIL:  So, next week if I type in www.thelumberjackswife.com, her blog will be there?

LJ:  Yes.

MIL:  Every time?

LJ:  Every time.

So.  Now I am nervous to blog because it is uber weird to think that my inlaws are reading this.  And I know they have no idea what uber means.  Or holla. 

And they are probably wondering who this so-called Lumberjack is.

Wait!  Why am I worried?  They will probably visit www.theelectricianswife.com or www.oursonswife’sblog.com or www.howdidweendupwithsuchastrangegirlforadaughterinlaw.com.

Phew.

Holla, Inlaws!

Holla.

After we ate and fellowshipped and fellowshipped and ate we loaded up the children and headed to my parents’ house for more food.  And fellowship.

Hey, Ma!  It’s Thanksgiving, not Christmas!

After dinner, we had our usual Thanksgivingish game of “Chronology.”

Chronology is always played in my parent’s house because it allows my father to gloat over all of us imbeciles with his superior knowledge of history and events and time and happenstances.

Remember my dad?

DSC_0060

Have you heard of Chronology?  I didn’t think so.  But it exists. 

It is a game where you create your own timeline based on actual, historical events.

We sure know how to have a good time, don’t we?

Sometimes we even break out some water.  With ice.

Meagan and Sweet Pea, thrilled that one of their dates was about the first Thanksgiving.  Such a coincidence.

Me and David.

I bet if I was a dead, trophy buck with a huge rack he would be smiling.

We lost.  Of course.

But we could beat any team with our sweet snow plowing/snow blowing skills of a driveway out in the middle of nowhere.

We are the Husband and Wife Snow Removal/Long Underwear Wearing Dream Team.

We got skills.  Or skillz.  Whichever you prefer.

Now, the pressure is on for my dad.  My dad forms his whole identity around his knowledge of facts and dates and knowing each word of every single history book ever written.

He does, in fact, get cocky.

We let him have his moment.

But I must tell you . . .

He lost.

Lost to Talia.

Holla, Talia!

Little Dude spent the whole night singing, “Mommy and Daddy, Sitting in a Tree . . . “

Over.  And over.  And over.  And over.

Goodness gracious this post is long.

Ok.  After all of that jazz, I stayed the night at my parent’s house so me and Ma could get a head start on the Black Friday deals.

Come on.

I can’t be the only 29 year old who stayed the night at her parent’s house?

Right?

And then more stuff happened but my burnt bacon finger is pleading with me to end all this nonsense.

Bacon.  Nasty.

So, tell me, dear readers.

Did you go out shopping on Friday?  How many Thanksgiving meals did you eat?  Did you eat huckleberry pie?  Did your dad lose at his favorite game?  Is your son as cute as mine?

Did you sleep at yo mama’s house?

Happy Weekend!

Posted in family, Goober Parent Updates, Uncategorized | 27 Comments

9 Pairs of Underwears.

 

Here is your daily snow picture:

I saw a bunch of frantic turkeys the other day.  Poor animals.  I wonder where they go in this arctic tundra?

I am finally going to finish answering all the questions.  I hope I remembered everyone!

From Gina

Have your girls starting borrowing “your things” and then go crazy when you ask to borrow something of theirs? (your girls may still be a little young for this one so if they are…)
I would love to say that I can fit into a girls size 7.   And I know I appear to be petite and all . . . but, no.  We cannot yet share clothes

Daisy Mae is constantly begging to wear my long, dangly, costume earrings.  However, I have known this child a long time and have seen her walk straight into walls and fall down for no apparent reason.

She can’t handle the costume earrings.

We share ponytail holders.

How often do you and LJ have a “date night” (no kiddos)?

Once every 3 months or so.

Boo.  Lame.  Boo.

From Katie B:

Do you write letters to Santa?

I finally stopped.  I am beginning to think he isn’t real.

When do you put up decorations?

Around the first of December.

When do you allow Christmas music to start being played/sang in the house/car?

Mariah Carey has been performing here daily for us every since the snow fell.

All I Want for Christmas is You, baby.

From Heather (not the nurse and not living in ND)

Hi Taylor! (I’m yelling at my computerish device now)

1. Do you and the LJ fight or have arguments over stupid stuff? If so, I will require an example.

Never.  We live in perfect harmony.

He’s thrilled whenever I complain, whine, or give him safety lectures and I’m dazzled each time he uses severed deer heads to taunt me, leaves the toilet paper roll empty, sneaks food that I made onto the kids plates when he doesn’t care for it, and chases 400 pound pigs down the highway.

Here’s a question for you, readers.

My husband has the strangest system with his clothes. 

 Dirty clothes, of course, go in the hamper.

Clean clothes hung in the closet.

But . . . he also has a “kind of clean/kind of dirty” section.  These clothes just get thrown in a pile on the floor of the closet.

If I hang them up, he gets mad.  Because they are not truly clean.  If I wash them, I am silly.  Because they weren’t really dirty.  I feel that if he is willing to wear them again, hanging them up is feasible.

Is the Lumberjack insane?  I vote yes.

2. Are you ever going to share with us what two things you are not allowed to blog about? Inquiring minds need to, nay must know!

Do you want my husband to kill me?

There is a lot of weaponry in this house.

3. If you weren’t a super awesome stay at home mom/homeschool teacher/dog trainer/cook/maid/supervisor/task master, what would your dream job be? What would the LJ’s dream job be?

I would like to be an ultrasound technician who worked minimal hours and made maximum dollars.  Ideally, I would love to go to the gym and frequent it 5 times a week.  My husband would take me on lavish vacations each year.  And I would never have a bad hair day.

LJ is not here.  But, it is safe to say that he truly wants to be a logger.

That is all. Over and out!

10-4, Heather not the nurse and not living in ND.

From Gianna

Do you have a lawn to mow? And if you do, who does it?

Our new place does not have grass.  It has bushes and weeds.  Our well doesn’t produce enough water to actually water a lawn, so we will not ever have one.

LJ is hoping to bulldoze it all and plant “prairie grass.”

Or whatever in the heck that is.

He’s weird.

We have to regularly mow the other house . . . you know . . . the cute one in town by the lake? 

I try to mow, but I can’t ever start the lawn mower.

Darn.

From Mindee

My questions:
1) Why are the pictures on your blog suddenly bigger? Are you getting all fancy pants on us?

Fancy is my middle name.

2) What is the liquid Taylor? What IS the liquid?

(This was from a comment I left on Mindee’s blog.  It refers to puddles of mysterious liquid that has toilet paper soaked into it and can be oft found on the floor of public restrooms.)

Urine, Mindee.

The liquid is urine.

Wash your hands.

From JoAnne:

Why is buying a house so much work? I am exhausted. Why do they want to see my third grade report card before they give me a loan?

I don’t know.  All I know is that when we bought our house, I had worry diarrea for a week.

Mostly because I was worried I would have to move to Ruralville.

When are you guys coming to visit?

When you properly invite me.

What is your favorite recipe, for like, food?

I can’t say.  Basically, because I am an amazing cook and all my recipes are just from my brilliant mind and can never be duplicated.

But to give you an idea on what you are missing out on, each night, my husband praises me and my mad wifely skills and my kids declare themselves blessed to be birthed from my loins.

From Christina

If that is your messy house then I don’t know if we can be friends.
Are we friends?

Yes.

 I always thought of us as friends, even though we’ve never met.
Can we be friends?

Yes.

Even though my house is about 78 times messier than yours?

It’s not.
What is your favorite line from a movie? (That is for each of you.)

LJ is not here.  His probably has to do with guns and shooting and whatnot.

I have too many to pick just one.

Today, I’m liking:

“I made my family disappear.”

Name that movie.

From Debra

Do you like beets? And if so, or even if not, how do you get the beet stain out of the carpet?

No and clear ammonia mixed with hot water takes lots of oopsies out of carpet.

Not that I know about oopsies on carpet.  LucyFur.

From Calfkeeper

I have a question (and an answer to one of the questions above): How do you convince a 3 and 1/2 yr old who’s just been potty trained that she can’t go commando the rest of her life, she needs to wear panties under her pants, dresses…etc?

Well.  I bought my son 9 pairs of new underwear to encourage him to like underwear.

And he tried to put all 9 pairs on at once.

So, I am not a good person to ask.

From Melissa

What is a “Carhartt?”

Oh, Melissa.  You could not be a Lumberjack’s wife.  Nor an electrician’s.

Carhartt is a brand of heavy duty work clothing.

My husband has classified his Carhartt collection into two categories.

The first is “Work Carhartts.”

Work Carhartts are what he wears every day of his life.  They are torn and ripped from where drills have gone through them and chainsaws have knicked them.  They have 65 convenient pockets, of which I always miss one and end up washing a fuse or two.

A little electrical phrasology there for you.

The second is “Dressy Carhartts.”

These are the Carhartts that are kept spanking new for occasions such as weddings, funerals, and any other event where I tell him he has to wear a button down shirt and he throws a fit and says, “Fine.  But I am wearing my dressy Carhartts.”

It’s all about compromise, people.

Dressy Carhartts still have the added bonus of many, convenient pockets.

None of my pants can hold sippy cups.

Holla, Carhartts!

Holla.

Happy Wednesday!

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Posted in Questions and Their Answers | 24 Comments