The Lumberjack's Wife

Our family received some sad news this week, and it has been on my mind a lot.

I am not sure how much they would want me to share on here, so I won’t say much.

But I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind lifting up a hurting family and a baby girl in your prayers this week?

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give away and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea . . .

Be still, and know that I am God.”

(Psalms 46:1, 2, and 10)

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 

He determines the number of the stars and calls them by name.

Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.”

Psalms 147: 3-5

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

Is “Fantasticness” a word?

I vote yes!

Alright, folks.  We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.

Let’s get ready to rumble.

1.  I may or may not have permitted my children to watch a Taylor Swift music video.  When Taylor Swift was on the screen, Little Dude kept yelling,

“Look!  It’s mama!”

Isn’t he a good boy?

2.  Whilst watching Ms Swift, Daisy Mae noticed that she had some lovely jewels adorning her eyes.

Daisy Mae informed me that I should do that everyday so I could look pretty.

3.  I tried to explain the ridiculousness of the fact that Ms Swift is supposed to be a mere highschool lass in this musical video.

And it is kind of crazy that she is wearing an evening gown (that keeps falling off the shoulder, mind you), laying in bed all glammed out with bling on her face, singing a love song, all while clutching her guitar.

Daisy Mae did not see my point.

4.  The Lumberjack, more accurately known as David, called me yesterday.  It was the first time I had spoken to him since Saturday.

I did my best to sound weary, exhausted, lonely, and forlorn.

My motive was to persuade him to come home a tiddly-bit early.

I was not successful.

5.  Come on, Lumberjack!

It’s time you make a choice.

Me  or this:

6.  He will most certainly choose the latter.  Perhaps things wouldn’t be this way if I glued jewels to my face each night.

7.  After our phoneversation (ha!  I just made that up!), I suspiciously started singing,

“I ain’t missing you at all!”

Name that music artist.

8.  But I do miss him.

9.  I just wish I was as enticing as an elk.

10.  He said he hasn’t seen any bull elk.  Just some cows and spikes.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who knows what a spike is.

I know what it is!

Look at me with my big-girl-hunter’s-wife pants on!

11.  Last night’s conversation:

Sweet Pea:  Mom.  What is a blog?

Me:  I don’t know.  It’s just a silly thing.

Sweet Pea:  Mom.  Can I read your blog?

Me:  No.

Sweet Pea:  Why?

Me:  It’s almost bedtime.

Sweet Pea:  What is your blog called?

Me:  The Lumberjack’s Wife.

Sweet Pea:  Why?

Me:  I don’t know.  It’s dumb.

Sweet Pea:  You should call it “The Mom Who Is Always Tired Blog.”

12.  I read “Horton Hatches the Egg” by Dr. Seuss at least twice a day to the boys.

I am getting tired of it, one hundred per cent.

I’m gonna need a 10-4 Good Buddy from anyone who has any idea what I am talking about.

Over and out.

13.    I probably need to drive to town soon. 

I am starting to get weird and creepy.

14.  I am going to get a little funky today and not center my post.

15.  And now I would like to introduce you to a new segment called,

“The Same Thing Happens every Week”

Other person:  Hey, Taylor!  I heard you write a blog!

Me:  Yes, I do.

Other person:  So . . . you’re The Lumberjack’s Wife?

Me:  Yup.

Other person:  I thought David was an electrician?

Me:  He sure is.

Other person:  Did he used to be a lumberjack?

Me:  Nope.  Not at all.

Other person:  Oh.  Hmmm.

Me:  Yup.

*awkward silence*

16.  Darn this blog.

17.  It is frigid outside today.

18.  I should have plugged in my rig.

19.  Alright.  I have droned on long enough.

20.  Happy Friday!

During school this morning, my head started to hurt really badly and I just started to feel generally sick.

Not super sick.  Just a little yucky.

I think I am getting a sinus infection. 

 I find this quite vexing.

So, I told the kids they had to “put mommy to bed.”

Responsible, aren’t I?

But I just had to lay down for a few moments.

They had a grand and glorious time tucking me in and giving me 64 snotty kisses.

Me:  Daisy Mae.  You come in here right now if anyone tries to open any doors.

Daisy Mae:  Yes, Mom.

Me:  And don’t let the puppy in the living room.

Daisy Mae:  Yes, Mom.

Me:  And don’t get into any food.  I will make lunch soon.

Now, I had to throw that in, dear readers, because at precisely 6:02am this very morn, I awoke to my boys trying to turn on the TV while surrounded by yogurt, a 13×9 pan of brownies, an apple, and two spoons in our upstairs loft where absolutely no food is ever allowed.

Can I just say that I am so very proud that they included an apple?

Daisy Mae:  And Mom?  Should I wake you if someone dies?

Me:  Yes.  That would be important.

Daisy Mae:  Especially if Cokey-da-Bear (Little Dude . . .keep up, people!) dies, right?  Cause he is really cute.

Me:  Yes.  Wake me up then.

Daisy Mae:  Ok, Mom!  Bye!

And off they all went downstairs where they are currently pounding on the piano and singing songs of great joy in celebration of their freedom.

And the only reason why I am typing this instead of resting is because I forgot about the monitor.

And there is nothing less pleasant than 4 children having a sing-a-long at the top of their lungs blasting through a monitor when you are trying to sleep.

At least they are singing worship music.

And no!  I did not turn the monitor off!

What kind of a parent do you think I am?

Goodbye.

PS-I am really a good, responsible parent in real life.  I think.

PPS-I could always use The Lumberjack’s famous excuse . . . “Taylor.  Have I let any of them die, yet?”

PPPS-Does anyone else find this excuse of his less than comforting?

PPPPS-Don’t worry about me.  I haven’t spoken to an adult in real life since Monday night.  But I am okay.

PPPPPS-  There are plenty of mice and deer to visit with.

Yes.  Hello.

I am aware that I have been posting a lot.  And I apologize for that.  However, my parents ceased camping here and The Lumberjack is still out in the wilderness searching for his dream bull elk and I NEED TO TALK. 

Fun Fact:  A male elk is called a bull elk.  A female elk is called a cow.

And don’t say I never taught you nothing.  But the bull elk is where it’s at.  On account of the horns and such.

I don’t want to talk about hunting.

I want to talk about Lucy.

Lucy is not as naughty as I once previously thought.

She is a typical puppy, but not evil.

She sleeps through the night now!  We only had two bad nights.  But last night, I put her to bed at 9pm and didn’t get her out until 7am with no problems!

Holla, Lucy!

Holla!

I really didn’t want to name her Lucy.  I wanted to name her Norma-Jean-Riley.  I’m gonna need a 10-4 good buddy from anyone who knows the song of whence I speak.

But the girls nipped that idea in the bud and she has been called Lucy ever since.

***

Random-Topic-Quick-Change!

My mother took the day off on Monday to help me with the Lumberjacklings.  It was a pleasant day.  Homeschooling is much easier when you have a qualified Grams looking after the naughtiest of the children.

After lunch, we put the boys down for a nap, let the girls watch some tv, and ma and I just sat on the couch drinking coffee and talking.

Then the boys woke up and we loaded everyone up and drove to a tiny town about 20 minutes away where a super cute store exists.

I bought this wreath:

I like it.

I think it makes my peach walls “pop!”, don’t you?

And since it is above the fireplace-ish area, The Lumberjack will get no smart ideas to put any bulls or bucks in it’s stead.

Tricky, tricky!

***

Random-Topic-Quick-Change!

Whilst mother was off on Monday, we took the Lumberjacklings to the park.  I took a few pictures of this joyous event with the cell phone.

Did you know you can text your pictures to your email account?  This was fantastic news to me. 

“Welcome to the 90s, Mr. Banks.”

(Name that movie)

Here is my mom with a few of the kids.

I have so many, I forget their names at times.

It happens.

I think this one is Daisy Mae . . .

Yes.  It is.

And that bundle of joy is Little Dude.

Fun Fact about Little Dude:  Whenever he gets in trouble, he immediately asks for a kiss before resuming activities.

Isn’t that cute?

***

Random-Topic-Quick-Change!

Never mind about Lucy.  She just tried to eat Little Dude.  And she got into the garbage.

I am thinking I will go with Sandy’s friend a call her Lucy-Fur.

Do you get it?

Do you get it?

***

Random-Topic-Quick-Change!

I am bemoaning the fact that I have to go to the store.

I am too slothful to properly clothe and shoe all of my children.  I just don’t want to do it.

Plus we have to drive for miles upon wretched miles.

And my bladder is not what it used to be.

But.

We are out of milk, dish soap, and my hair dryer broke.

I really, really, really need a hair dryer.

***

Random-Topic-Quick-Change!

I drove all the way to  Walmart yesterday and forgot my purse.

***

Random-Topic-Quick-Change!

Most ridiculous conversation I had today:

Daisy Mae:  Can I have a snack?

Me:  Yes.

Daisy Mae:  What can I have?

Me:  How about animal crackers?

Daisy Mae:  Ok.  I can’t find them.

Me:  I saw them on the bathroom floor.

Daisy Mae:  That’s right!

Super!

***

Random-Topic-Quick-Change!

Well.

That’s all I have to say.

It was riveting though, was it not?

Perhaps you can talk to me . . . no?

Maybe ask me a question?

Tell a humorous tale?

Share a favorite blog?

Tell me what your favorite animal is?

Tell me it is okay to make a double pan of my favorite brownies?

Later Dudes and Dudettes!

But mostly dudettes.

Are there any dudes?

Probably not.

Ok.  I am done now.

A couple of weeks ago, I joined all my inlaws for our annual Applesauce making day.

No.  I still don’t like this day.

I guess it is not that bad.  And it can be fun, in an “intense-apple-ish” sort of way.

Still . . . it is not my favorite day.

But I have married into this family and I must now do crazy, insane things like fall trees, pick huckleberries, slide down rocks on garbage bags, and make 119 quarts of applesauce.

And I would like to state for the record that no one, no, not one of them, will ever go to the mall with me.

Ever.

Before you get too excited about my mad photography skills, I must fess up and tell you that all pictures were taken by Lumberjacklings.

Look at how helpful my Handsome Dude is!

No.  Your eyes do not deceive you. 

This is not trick photography.

Yes.   He is wearing his glasses in this high-class photograph and just yesterday I told you his glasses were broken.

I am not a liar.

This photo was taken weeks ago.

Weeks, I tell you!

You may ask, ‘Taylor!  How is it that you always look so snazzy?”

Well, readers.  To achieve this early-fall look, I recommend leaving your house in a hurry at 9am to get to church, getting your hair rained on, staying at church for 3 hours, rushing to your sister-in-law’s house to start slicing apples, realize your shirt is going to get mighty dirty, coerce your husband into letting you borrow one of his beloved hunting shirts, change your shirt, slice/core apples, get apple gunk in your fingers and casually run your fingers through your hair in order to entice, oh yes, entice your husband who is slicing/coring apples right next you.

Feel free to steal this plan and adapt it as your own.

Your husband will thank you.

It was the same drill as it was last year.  And the year before that.  And the year before that.

Slice and core.  Such a bore. (ha!  now that was clever.  you can’t deny it.)

Look!  There I am again in all my snazziness! 

Cook them until tender.

Grind them.

Ensure that you remove peels, seeds, and worms.

Yes.  That’s right.  Worms.

Pour into a large bowl-ish thing and look super excited to be stirring said applesauce . . .

as my father-in-law is so aptly demonstrating.

Add cinnamon and sugar.

Pour into jars.

And can, can away!

I would like to announce that the Lumberjack’s two brothers were MIA this year.

And I would like to call them out on that.

Jason!

Alex!

Your absence from this joyous event was not appreciated, nor did it go unnoticed.

For shame, boys.

For shame.

No sauce for you!

Trust me, Readers.  This will be a travesty for them.  A travesty.

This family, my in-laws, love them some applesauce.

No!  Not just any applesauce.

Their applesauce.

Oh, how it brings delight to their souls! 

They pour it on pork chops and crumble chocolate chip cookies in it.  They spread it on muffins and other baked goods.

And for the special occasions, they make a chocolate cake from a boxed mix and spread a hearty layer of that fresh apple goodness on top of it for frosting.

I mean, yes.  The applesauce is good.

But their love for it  . . . it’s a little intense.

Alright.

That’s enough of this nonsense.

Happy Tuesday!

I have this friend.  I call her Bimlissa.

Her name is in fact, Melissa.

You know.  Just like The Lumberjack is really an electrician.

Keep up, people!

She is my dear friend.

I met Bimlissa in high school.  She was older than me and deemed me unfit to speak to.  About 7 years later we met again at church.

She was working in children’s ministry and somehow got me to help her.

Look who became fit to talk to!

I kid!  I jest!

Anyways . . . for the past 5 years we have become quite close.

Quite.

We have girls the same age and Daisy Mae is actually the one who came up with the name Bimlissa.

Daisy Mae can be . . . odd . . . and she used to say “bim” in front of everything.

Bimputer=computer

Bimpris=capris

Bimtaco=taco

Bimlissa=Melissa

So . . . things were going swimmingly and we had many days of fun and fellowship.

But then Bimlissa’s mean ol’ husband had to get a mean ol’ new job and move to mean ol’ Tennessee.

And Tennessee, dear readers, is not close to Ruralville.

Boo.

Boo.  Boo.  Boo.

And wouldn’t you know it, but she went and had a baby over there in mean ol’ Tennessee.

Now, isn’t he the cutest?

He was just born last Thursday.

Anyways, I figured since Bimlissa has not seen me since July, she is most likely devastated and lonely and weeping and the like.

So, if you are feeling frisky, you should go and visit her at her blog and tell her any of the following:

“Hello!”

“Holla!”

“Your baby is cute!”

“Do you miss Taylor?”

“Taylor misses you.”

“Taylor forgives you for the fact that your ‘chubby size’ is her ‘hooray-I-am-skinny!’ size.”

Or you can say what you please.

The choice is yours.

Here is the link for Bimlissa’s blog:  http://thecameronfamilyblog.blogspot.com

Happy Monday!

Oh my goodness gracious.

I was tagged by Michelle over at Married/Single Parent to answer 8 questions she posted. After I answer those I am going to post 8 different questions and tag 8 people.

Sounds most splendid, does it not?

1)  If you could invite anyone in the world, who would you want as your dinner guest? What would you serve them for dinner?

Hmmmm . . .

This is a quandary.

I would invite my dearheart friend Bimlissa who moved too far away for my lonely heart.  And since she just had a new baby, I feel they should count as a two-for-one deal.  I would feed Bimlissa some delicious chicken pot pie, a green salad (so we can watch our waistlines), and darn good chocolate cake.

The baby can eat what he pleases.

2.  What is your favorite “me time” activity?

If I were to have some time to myself, WITHOUT CHILDREN, I would go to the mall all day and buy clothes and earrings and earrings and clothes.

I would also like to be about 10 pounds lighter and have lots and lots of money.

That would make it really fun.

Sheesh.  I sure sound greedy there.

Rest assured.  It will never happen.  None of it.

3.  If you could rename yourself who would you become?

Like other than Taylor?

Um.

Guinevere.

Or other than the Lumberjack’s Wife?

Um.

The Pioneer Woman.

4.  How long have you been blogging & why did you start?

I have been blogging since May 2009.  And I started blogging to post pictures and daily happenings for my Auntie Datenutloaf and my sister Meagan.

I also started blogging to be as cool as my friends, Lani, Jessy, and Bimlissa. 

They made blogging all the rage.

5.  You are granted one super power, what would it be and how would you use it?

I would be able to do 42 things at once.

I would use it daily to complete tedious activities such as cooking, dishes, laundry, homeschooling, and the like.

I would be completely awesome and everyone would be jealous of me and my mad skills.

Or skillz.

Whichever you prefer

6.  What one electronic device could you not live without?

It is a toss up between the hairdryer and the computer.  And the curling iron.  And the coffee pot.

7.  If you had a time machine, what year would you travel to and why?

I would travel back to the year 2003 when I had my first baby.

I would want to see how tiny she is and how silly of a parent I was.

I would offer up the following advice to myself:

A)  Just give in and join Weight Watchers.  Breastfeeding ain’t gonna cut it.

B)  Don’t allow David to watch the child between the hours of 8pm and 6am

C)  Everything is going to be alright

D)  Until the year 2010 when you move to Ruralville and have your grandma die, your dog die, two cars break down, start homeschooling, begin a vacation rental business, and have mice in yours cars.

E)  So enjoy life now!

8.  What is one thing (material item) you don’t share well with others?

 I have issues with sharing my recipes with people I know in real life.

Well, just my really good recipes.  (all 3 of them)

I really want to be better than all my acquaintances when it comes to making those three things.

***

Alright!  Now it is my turn!

Here are the peeps I shall tag:

1.  Jill

2.  Joyce

3.  Naomi G

4.  Christine

5.  Marla

6.  Teresa Dawn

7.  Kendra

8.  Katie

9. The Little Brown House

10.  Is it Bedtime Yet?

(I tagged 10, because I enjoy being rebellious.  And I wasn’t sure who would like to do this.)

And here are my 8 Fantastic Questions that they must answer:

1.  What is one food you detest?

2.  What is your perfect day?

3.  If you could take a vacation next week, where would you go?

4.  What are five of your favorite blogs?

5.  What are your thoughts on The Facebook?

6.  Are your parents technological goobers, like mine?

7.  If you had to choose between losing 15 pounds forever, but never wearing makeup again OR having perfect skin but putting on 15 pounds permanently . . . what would it be?

8.  What is your best recipe?  (so I can steal it!  ha!)

Happy Weekend!