Today is my husband’s 30th birthday.
Let us all pause to bemoan the reality that he is, in fact, stinkin’ old now.
Today he is working. Of course. But yesterday, we got in a little family time at the beach.
Does he not look like a man who needs more children?
Handsome Dude is getting to be quite the little swimmer.
Quite.
Little Dude has no fear of the water. He just walks and walks and walks . . . till his head is covered and he can breathe no more. The Lumberjack had to go on a rescue mission.
So mommy coerced him into playing with his sand toys.
For, at the very least, I find it my duty to keep my children alive.
LD (short for Little Dude . . .keep up, people!): Mama! Bird!
Me: Where?
LD: Bird, mama!
Me: Where?
LD: Sky! See?
Me: No . . . where?
Fact: I enjoy exasperating my children.
LD: SKY!
LD: What in the heck is wrong with you, Mother! The bird is right there! Can’t you see it?! In fact, there are about 20 birds, also called seagulls, who are flying high in the sky right now. And, mother, if you would just focus and stop clicking that stupid machine, you would see them!!
Me: Ok, baby. I’m sorry, baby.
LD: Sheesh. That woman is impossible.
Back to Handsome Dude.
I suspect, dear readers, that Handsome Dude is flirting with me.
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me where Handsome Dude’s glasses are.
Me: David. We should make huckleberry milkshakes for dinner tonight.
Interruption: Let us pretend that I am not on a diet and that I did not suggest that delicious frozen treat for dinner. Thank you.
LJ (short for Lumberjack and also an alias for David . . . keep up, people!): Sounds good. But we are giving the kids rocky road ice cream or something.
Me: Why? It would just be easier to make huckleberry milkshakes for everyone.
LJ: Dude! I am not wasting huckleberries on the kids!
Me: Are you serious?
LJ: Yes. They can’t have them.
People. I told you he was intense with the berries.
We did not see the girls all evening.
Turns out they are fish.
Who knew?!
And now, dear readers,
Ten Things You Might Not Know About My Husband:
1) He detests sand in his truck. Sure, it is cool if there are pop cans, candy wrappers, elk calls, maps, tie-downs, hand-warmers, and chainsaw-ear-plugs littered about his truck. But he draws the line at sand.
2) He must eat his cereal in a certain routine. Or else the universe will collapse. Cereal in bowl. Shape it. Pour milk. Sprinkle Sugar. If the sugar goes on before the milk, the cereal is deemed unfit for human consumption.
3) When he gets really excited, he sings in a super loud falsetto voice. This usually only occurs whilst camping, rock sliding, hiking, and berry picking.
4) He has been coveting bulldozers.
5) He wants a horse, but he is playing it off like it’s the kids who want a horse.
6) He has a ginormous wallet that sticks out his back pocket with a fancy western-like medallion on it. And, upon several occasions, people stop him and tell him that his wallet is falling out of his pocket. And he has to tell him that, no, it is completely in his pocket. It is just disturbingly large.
7) He once recorded a 12 hour live cattle auction on our DVR. This was almost the end of our marriage, because, dear readers, I cannot wrap my brain around what on earth would possess someone to even consider watching a live cattle auction.
8) He really likes his Eastman’s Hunting magazine. So much so, that I must call and/or text him immediately when it arrives in our mailbox so he might anticipate it all the way home.
9) The best thing I could ever do for him is buy him a new toothbrush.
New toothbrushes have stood the test of time and never lost their excitement or pizazz in our 10 year matrimonial agreement.
10) He is a good dad and husband and we love him very much.
Happy Monday!
Let’s talk about marrying each other tonight.
When Bimlissa and her family moved to far, far away, not only did I lose a good friend, my girls lost a good friend.
Fun Fact: Bimlissa’s name is not Bimlissa. It is, in fact, Melissa.
Confused?
You are not alone.
Anyways . . .
Bimlissa has a little girl who became dear friends with my girls. And just this week, my girls got a letter from Bimlissa’s daughter.
My girls have been totally into dressing up like twins these days.
And they insist on doing their own hair daily.
Pray for me.
***
It’s time for the COW (Comment of the Week)!
Don’t pretend you aren’t ecstatic.
This week’s winner is Andi with her comment on Pepper Spray and Sand Castles.
And for fun, I am going to put Andi’s comment in ITALICS and my responses to her in regular font.
You know . . . for kicks and grins.
“Taylor: You are so beautiful.
Oh, stop! You are making me blush!
And, I mean that in a totally nonstalker, non-psycho sort of way.
Hmm . . .
Oh, and not only am I coveting your ruralville house that I have no clue where it’s at…I covet your chances to camp. Not huckleberry pick, mind you, but camp and hike and have fun. My hubs has got to find more free time!
Feel free to take my place at any time!”
I know what you are thinking, dear readers. You are assuming that I, yes, I, Taylor Mal-i-blah-blah, picked dear Andi because she said I was beautiful.
Nevertheless!
I would like you all to know that I am fully aware that several (we are talking 40-ish) of you clicked on this horrendous picture of me, seeing as how you felt the need to enlarge it and gasp at my ghastliness:
Attention 40-ish readers who enlarged aforementioned image:
I didn’t have any makeup on! Nor did I take a shower!
Yes. I shower and apply cosmetics whilst camping.
I am one of those people.
So, if Andi, who is clearly a kind reader, chooses to ignore the make-up-less picture and focus on the post-shower-post-makeup picture:
Then she, my friends, will be my COW.
***
Random-Topic-Quick-Change!
I walked into my parent’s house this afternoon and my sister thrust, yes, thrust, an old note at me.
Me: What’s this?
Meagan: One of your old love letters. I had a fantastic time reading it.
It was from a boyfriend I had in the 9th grade, who shall remain nameless, but will be referred to as “Old-boyfriend-whose-name-started-with-a-K.”
Other names have been changed to protect the innocent.
My Sweet Tay-Tay,
Taylor,
I couldn’t write you in math because I had so much homework. Mr. M- is so cool. Jane is a dork. I don’t know why she tattles on people. She is a big stuck up person. As you can tell, she gets everything she wants. I had a great time last night. I hope you don’t get my cold. That’s what you don’t need. I need to give her my notebook pretty soon. I love you so much. Let’s talk about marrying each other tonight. I could of talked to you last night till late but I had to fold clothes. My mom is coming home Friday but will be here Saturday of this week. I am trying to write neat write now. It’s HARD work. I think Liz is turning into a Jane, too. Your knees haven’t bothered you in awhile, or else you haven’t told me. the bell is going to ring in about 1 min so I’ll stop. Taylor Marie I love you a lot.
Love,
K
PS I forgot to write about doing something this weekend with each other we should.
Oh.
My.
Gosh.
Becky.
We must discuss this atrocious note:
A) Can we not all agree that high school is a place we do not want to revisit? No?
B) “I hope you didn’t get my cold.” Yowsers! Was I old enough to be smooching boys whose names started with “K’s”?
Dear Lord,
Please help this to not be the 1 out of 20 posts my parents read.
Amen.
C) “LET’S TALK ABOUT MARRYING EACH OTHER TONIGHT”
Holy high school, Batman!
Does that statement disturb anyone else?
D) He was trying to “write neat write now.”
Fantastic!
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can correct that grammatical error.
In conclusion, here are some things I have learned from this note:
1) My girls will never date any boys, let alone ones whose names begin with the letter “K.”
2) What was his beef with Jane and Liz?
3) Did I have beef with Jane and Liz?
4) My girls are never speaking to boys, let alone boys whose names begin with the letter “K.”
5) What in the heck was wrong with me?
Dear Lord,
Please help my girls to never, ever, ever, date anyone ever.
Until they are 30.
Maybe.
Amen.
Oh, drat! I need to add something.
Dear Lord,
Please help my boys to never, ever write notes like that to any girls ever.
And help them not to date. Ever. Or at least until they are 30.
Amen.
Fun Fact: The day after that relationship ended, “K” went on a rafting trip and got himself another girlfriend.
The very next day!
Guess who was on that rafting trip with him?
The Lumberjack.
***
Random-Topic-Quick-Change-Finale!
If anyone is in need of a blog host, check out Cloudul, who is currently doing Lumberjill’s blog hosting.
Do not ask me what blog hosting is or why one needs such a thing.
I am an internet ignoramus.
Happy Weekend.
PS-Fat Tuesday is Tuesday.
Hence the name.