Banana Bread Deliciousness.

Posted on April 15, 2010 by Taylor

 

Blessed with Grace

Sumo's Sweet Stuff

Show Us Your Life with Kelly's Korner

Mini Chocolate Swirled Banana Bread Loaves:

1)  In a large bowl, combine 2 cups of flour, 3/4 tsp baking soda, and 1/2 tsp salt.

2) Scold daughter for spilling flour on herself.

Honestly, Daisy Mae.

Honestly.

3)  In a completely different and unrelated bowl, cream 1 cup sugar and 1/4c softened butter.

4)  Realize you forgot to set out butter in preparation for the creation of these delightful loaves.

It happens.

5)  Decide you have one of two options:

A)  Wait until butter softens.

B)  Microwave butter at half power for like 8 seconds . . .

get nervous and check butter at 4 seconds . . .

decide butter will survive . . .

microwave for the remaining 4 seconds.

I went with the latter option.

You may do as you see fit.

6)  Mash about 3-4 medium bananas.

I highly recommend making your child do this for you.

7)  Add mashed bananas to the sugar/butter bowl, not the flour-y bowl.

8)  Add 2 eggs and 1/3c of lowfat plain yogurt or sour cream.

Truly, the choice is yours.

9)  Beat all that stuff, with the exception of the flour-y mixture, of course, until well-combined.

10)  Gradually add the flour-y mixture into the butter-y mixture.

Gradual is key.

Please be advised to follow that simple instruction, lest something like this happens:

Consider yourselves warned.

10)  Decide you had no business whatsoever in scolding your daughter for making a flour mess.

Clearly, she comes by it honestly.

11)  Mix together until just moistened.

Don’t overmix!

Trust me!

I, myself, have overmixed.

The results are less than satisfactory.

I don’t know, nor do I understand the science behind it, but clearly there is a reason you may not overmix.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can explain to me why.

12)  In a third, smaller, and completely different bowl, microwave 1/2c of chocolate chips.

Don’t forget to sneak a few chocolate chips to eat right now.

13)  Microwave for about 1 minute and stir until smooth.  Let cool a bit.

14)  Add 1cup of batter to the melted chocolate.  Stir.

Now, here is where things get fun!

Please.

Try and contain your excitement.

15)  Alternatively spoon plain batter in . . .

Then add some chocolate batter . . .

And top it off with plain batter.

16)  Take a knife, and swirl batter to create a marbled look.

Like so:

Now, how ’bout them apples?

Everything I learned about swirling batters, I learned from my brief stint working in the hospital kitchen.

Me, along with my hairnet, were great swirlers back in the day.

Oh!

Did you not know I used to regularly wear hairnets?

Well, I did.

And, I ain’t gonna lie . . . I rocked ’em.

17)  Bake at 350 degrees for about 40-45 minutes.

18)  Clean up!

19)  Catch daughter hiding in laundry room with chocolate chips bowl.

Speaking of aforementioned daughter, look at this face she is making:

Her facial expression reminds me of someone . . .

Name that former female Office character.

I know you can do it.

Don’t let me down.

21)  Pull loaves out of oven when a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Or, when they are just about to burn because you are terrible at time management and had to leave them baking in the oven *gasp!* while you drove to pick up another child from school.

Aren’t they cute, albeit slightly over-baked, little loaves of banana goodness?

You may ask,

“But, Taylor, do they taste good?”

 

Why, yes, in fact, they do!

So, anyways, if you don’t have a fancy mini-loaf pan, I would recommend one. 

You can use any sort of banana bread recipe, or other type of quick bread in it and you can have these cute little loaves.

They make great little gifts.

They are also great for packing lunches and freeze well, too.

Here is the recipe in a much shorter, and more reasonable format:

Chocolate Swirled Banana Bread

2 c. flour

¾ tsp. baking soda

½ tsp. salt

1 c. sugar

¼ c. butter, softened

1 ½ c. mashed ripe bananas (about 3-4 medium bananas)

2 eggs

1/3 c. plain lowfat yogurt or sour cream

½ c. chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly spoon flour into measuring cups and level. Combine flour, baking soda, and salt. Cream sugar and butter. Add bananas, eggs, and yogurt, beating until just blended. Add flour mixture. Beat on low until just moistened. Microwave chocolate chips in a medium bowl for 1 minute. Stir until smooth. Cool slightly. Add 1 c. batter to chocolate, stirring until well-combined. Spoon chocolate batter alternately with plain batter (so you have stripes of plain and chocolate batter) in an 8 ½” x 4 ½” *loaf pan coated with cooking spray. Swirl batters with a knife.

Bake at 350 for 1 hour and 15 minutes (give or take a little; I’d probably set your timer for 1 hour and 10 minutes to be safe) or until a knife comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes in pan and then remove and cool completely on a wire rack.

*Or pour into mini-loaf pan and bake for about 40-45 minutes, or until done.

***

Random Topic Quick Change!

Many of you know of my trials with Handsome Dude and his glasses.

You may ask,

“Why, pray tell, must Handsome Dude wear glasses?”

Well, dear readers:

That is why Handsome Dude needs glasses.

Have a lovely day!

 

Posted in Food | 30 Comments

Hath Spring Sprung?

Posted on April 15, 2010 by Taylor

 Why, yes!

I think it hath.

Is he licking the playground equipment?

Yes.

After much consideration, I do believe that Little Dude is licking the playground equipment.

100 (meaningless) points to whomever can guess which child of mine got his shoes and lack of socks on all by himself today?

Bonus points to anyone who can guess whose temporarily fixed glasses are now permanently broken glasses.

Don’t let me down, people.

I know you can do this.

And now, some action shots.

To dazzle and delight, if you will.

 

Now, wasn’t that exciting?

Let’s have a moment of silence and awe for my awesome photography skills.

Thank you.

We can resume our photographic journey now.

Time for a head count!

I do this often.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe . . . she had so many children she didn’t know what to do . . .

(Finish that rhyme)

Yikes!

Only 3!

Has anyone wondered where Sweet Pea has been this whole time?

Anyone?

Is anyone reading this?

*clap, clap*

Hello?

Am I talking to myself?

Wait a tick!

Do you see that child wearing the awful bright orange shirt?

The one raising her hand?

Can you see her?

The one still raising her hand?

That child is my Sweet Pea.

Soccer player extraordinaire.

And you thought I lost her.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

I would like to introduce you to a new segment on this blog, entitled,

“Life Lessons by Taylor.”

If and when you decide to remodel your laundry room . . .

And your manly man is stuck in the vicious cycle of sheet rock mudding and sanding and mudding and sanding and so on and so forth . . .

Do not, I repeat do not, let your Handsome Dude ride his rocket ship around the misplaced washer and dryer.

Particularly when the washing machine is filling with water.

Apparently the little hosey-thing-a-ma-bobs can come loose!

Who knew?!

And they can spray water something fierce.

Which is tragic, seeing as how I don’t know how to stop it.

So, I screamed.

Then I ran in place.

Then I unplugged a few things and held the hose upright, so as to stop the spraying, of course.

I deemed this situation, “Calling the Lumberjack at Work” worthy.

And darn my luck, he was working in Timbuktu, and his cell was out of service.

Then I had a thought . . . Jason!

Jason works with The Lumberjack!

Remember Jason?

IMG_3258

(Ha!   Sure fooled you.)

So, Jason talked me through my crisis.

Let’s give Jason a warm round of applause!

Want to know something sad?

Daisy Mae was trying to tell me where the hose went and I didn’t believe her.

Turns out she was right.

Happy Thursday!

Posted in Uncategorized | 23 Comments

More Fun with Adjectives.

Posted on April 14, 2010 by Taylor

Yes, that’s right.

I thought of some more adjectives to dazzle you with.

You are so very welcome.

***

Filthy

Filthy is the word I use to describe my house at this moment in time.

Sheet rock dust is everywhere.

Delightful.

The laundry room project is still in full-swing.

Currently there is no end in sight.

The Lumberjack broke out his ginormous muscles and hauled the washer and dryer back into the laundry room so I would not be so behind on my wifely duties.

So, yesterday, I was cranking out the loads.

Steamy

As I was working on the 4.2 million loads of laundry that had accumulated, I noticed that the windows were getting quite foggy.

And the room was getting fairly stuffy.

And hot.

I was trying to reckon if the washer and dryer were having an ill reaction to the new sheet rock.

Then, as I pulled the last load out of the dryer, I noticed the dryer vent had not been hooked up . . .

All the live long day.

(Name that song)

Oops!

I chose to not mention this travesty to my main man, for fear that he would no longer think I was “hot.” 

Goodness,  I seriously hope I did not cause any sort of permanent damage.

Exhausted

Neither of these males stops moving from dawn to dusk.

It was bound to catch up with them sooner or later.

Happy

DSC_0060

Today’s is my dad’s birthday.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can name one of the two tragic events in history that occurred on April 14th.

Stop!

Raise your right hand and repeat after me:

“I, (insert your name here), solemnly swear to not Google this information.”

Thank you.

Ignorant

As you read yesterday, I can do some pretty dumb things.

I don’t mean to.

It just happens.

My brother left a comment yesterday reminding me of another incident.

He said, and I quote,

“Stories such as pull my finger and the like don’t surprise me much as I grew up with gems such as that. Remember your lovely interpretation of Melissa Etheridge’s “Come to my window”?

In fairness, people, I have a hearing problem.

So, I would oft get song lyrics wrong.

Well, one day as I was driving my brother and sister home from school, the song, “Come to My Window” came on the radio.

And, as any cool, older sister would do, I began to belt it out along with my pal, Melissa E.

“Come to my window! Crawl inside. Wait by the ladder up on the roof!”

My brother just looked at me and said, “Idiot.”

It was a touching sibling moment.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me what the actual lyrics to that song were.

Would you be surprised if I told you that I graduated summa cum laude from my University?

My friend, Ashlee, had to tell me it was an honor, as I had no idea why I had that particular asterick by my name in the program.

So there.

I am not stupid.

I just have no common sense.

Hot

Do I even need to explain this one?

Obviously, “Hot” is the only word to describe me.

Just ask The Lumberjack.

Different

On Monday, I took the dudes to the eye doctor to get Handsome Dude’s glasses repaired.

Shocking, I know.

I have news of great sadness:

Handsome Dude’s glasses are broken past the point of no return.

It was to be expected, I suppose.

But the super kind eye-clinic-worker-man spent one hour creating a temporary fix on them so they can be worn until new ones arrive.

Let’s hear it for Super-Kind-Eye-Clinic-Worker-Man!

For that entire hour, the dudes and I waited in the waiting room.

The dudes were doing pretty good.

Shocking, I know.

There was another boy in the play area . . . I would guess he was 8.

For the purposes of this post, he will from heretohenceforth be known as, “Billy.”

Billy and his dad were waiting for his mother to finish with her eye appointment.

At one point, Little Dude began to throw a fit.

Shocking, I know.

So, I pulled a book out of my purse.

Interruption:  Can we please have a moment of applause for me and my on-the-ball-ness?

Thank you.

So, Little Dude and I read the book.

Then Little Dude decided all was right with the world again and went back to playing.

A few moments later, I notice Billy standing right by me and staring at me.

Me:  Hi, there!

Billy:  Hi.

Me:  How are you?

No response.

Me:  What’s up?

Nothing.

Nada.

I notice that Billy is staring at the book I read Little Dude.

Me:  Would you like to read this book?

Billy nods.

Me:  That’s fine, but when you are finished, I need it back, ok?

Billy stares.

Me:  Well, here you go!

Billy stares.

Billy is good at staring.

Me:  Oh!  Do you want me to read it to you?

Billy:  Yes.

So, I read the book to Billy.

Billy was a sweet boy and greatly enjoyed, “Story Time with Taylor.”

Just as I was finishing up, Billy’s mom comes over and thanks me for reading to him.

For the purposes of this post, she will from heretohenceforth be known as “Gladys.”

Simply for the fact that “Gladys” is a fantastic name.

Gladys and Billy’s dad stand up and put their coats on.

Gladys:  Billy, put your jacket on!  Time to go.

Billy stares.

Gladys:  Come on, Billy!

Billy stares and holds up another book he has found.

Gladys:  Put the book away, Billy!

Billy stares.

Gladys:  Ok, sweetie.  The nice lady can read you one more book.

Me:  Oh!  Okay . . .

So, Gladys and Billy’s dad sit right down and stare at me.

Well, I’ll be darned!

Story Time with Taylor has tripled its audience!

So, there I am.

Sitting in a waiting room.

Trying to keep an eye on the dudes.

Whilst  reading, “The Power Puff Girls” to my captivated audience of Billy, Gladys, and Billy’s dad.

Yes.

That’s right.

All 3 of them were listening.

It.

Was.

Awkward.

Interruption:  Please excuse this interruption while I speak to one, specific person.

Kendra!

I told you I would use “whilst” soon!

Thank you.

That concludes this interruption.

Shoot!

I should have named Billy’s dad.

100 (meaningless) points to whomever can come up with the best name for Billy’s dad.

Dang!  I am full of meaningless points today.

Any-who . . . does anyone else think that was . . . different?

Hmmmm . . . .

That’s all I got.

Happy Wednesday!

Posted in Uncategorized | 43 Comments

Pull my finger, and other such tales.

Posted on April 13, 2010 by Taylor

Alright.

Here is the post you have all been waiting for.

Well, you probably didn’t even remember this post was coming.

But let’s pretend.

You know.

For kicks and grins.

Thank you for all the questions for Mr. Lumberjack to answer.  He is super thrilled that I have arranged for him to blog at this hour, seeing as how he just got home from Bible study and is currently putting mud on the sheet rock in our new laundry room.

And it is 9pm.

Interruption:  I am not speaking of actual mud, like from dirt and water.  There is a special sort of mud you actually buy at large home improvement warehouses and you are required to smear it on sheet rock.

Who knew?!

So, I will type the questions out in bold and he will answer them in normal font.

Okie-dokie, Artichokies!

Let’s do this!

*Disclaimer:  As hard as it was for me, I did not edit or change any of his answers, except I did correct a few spelling errors. 

I firmly believe that “sorry” should never be spelled “soory.”

Thank you.

Questions from Little Brown House:

Why, oh why, do you find it such a struggle to smile in photographs? Do you feel that real men don’t smile? And how did you manage to pass that trait down to your youngest child?

There are so many pictures that get taken in this household that it gets a little overwhelming at times and maybe the children feel the same as me. Just a thought not much of a smiler.

And lastly, do you have a brother named Jason? And if so could we see a picture?

Yes I have a brother named Jason and I will let my wife take care of pictures.

Question from MaryGene:

How did you know LJ’s Wife (before she was your wife) was “The One”? hehe (I love “love” questions!)

She was HOT! and I had to have her.

Questions from Christina:
What are the two things that Taylor is not allowed to mention on this blog? Just kidding!
 
Thats is a good question

What is the funniest thing that Taylor has done since you’ve known her?

Oh so many, the “pull my finger” story, hitting her head on the door, and driving the truck across town with the emergency brake on and wondering why it was smoking

Questions from Amanda:

 Mr. Lumberjack. Tell us one quirk of your wifes that drives you crazy. (this can be a good crazy as well…)

Her waking up at night and talking as I am trying to go to sleep
How many times a day do you tell your wife how hot she is?

On average 4-5 times
What is your favorite movie?

Top Gun?

 Song?

Highwaymen

 Flavor of licorice?

red
If Mrs. Lumberjacks blog were to take off and she could fully support you and the household from her blog earnings, would you quit you job and be a stay at home dad?

Nope, Full time lumberjack of course

Question from Jo:

Do you want more kids or are you done?

I was done 2 kids ago 

is there anything you will not allow taylor to blog about?

Yep, 2 things

your wife is hilarious…do you share her sense of humor??

 Nope, I never smile and she wonders what we ever had in common

Question from Joyce:

If you had to describe your lovely wife with only one word, what would it be?

HOT!

Question from Mindy:

Do you ever try and convince your wife you should sell your house and go “live off the land” like a true lumberjack/mountain man(like my husband tries regularly to do)?

Wouldn’t work and thats all I have to say about that

Question from Rachael:

What do you think about Taylor’s blog? Do you read it regularly?

It is truly amazing. I read it about half the time

Question from Jess:

LumberJack, do you laugh as much as we all do or have you become accustomed to Taylor’s wittiness and such?

Don’t you look at the pictures I never smile

Question from Lynette:

Lj, what do you think of the nickname Lumber Jack?? Since you are not really a Lumberjack?

Although I will always long to be one She can call me whatever she wants

Question from Diana:

Did you have any concerns about getting married so young and what did your parents think?

Her dad was concerned that all we would be able to afford was beans, I told my dad that I was going to ask her to marry me and he said great.

 I was just in love with a HOT girl

Question from Datenutloaf:

I wanted to know if LJ likes beef stroganoff? It has mushrooms in it.

The beef yes the sauce yes the mushrooms no

Question from Heather:

Well, although I am sure you will not answer, I am quite curious as to the 2 things you can not blog about.

Sorry no can do

****

Back to Taylor.

Please take note that I am back to my usual centering habit.

It’s what I do best.

Well, there you have it, folks.

I have a feeling that I am a little wordier than my husband.

Thoughts?

And, apparently, I am smokin’  hot!

I kid!

I jest!

I am not hot.

But I am happy to have a husband who thinks so.

In one of his questions, he mentions me doing crazy things, such as the pull my finger story, hitting my head on the door, and driving with the emergency brake on.

And I would like to take a moment and address those.

The Pull My Finger story is a moment in my life that I shall never live down.

It is simply a conversation that occurred between me and The Lumberjack about one month after we were wed.

Enjoy.

Me:  Hon.  I think there is something wrong with me.

LJ:  What?

Me:  Everytime I pull my finger, nothing happens.

LJ:  Huh?

Me:  You know how other people say, “Pull my finger.” and then they *ahem* toot?

LJ:  Yes . . .

Me:  Well, when I pull my finger nothing happens.  No toots.  Is there a trick?

LJ:  Are you serious?

Me:  Yes.  It doesn’t work for me.

LJ:  You’ve got to be kidding me.

Me: Huh?

And then my dashing, and patient, husband explained to me that when folks say pull my finger, the actual pulling of the finger does not cause the *ahem* toot to occur, but rather, the person already felt the need to *ahem* toot, and therefore takes advantage of the impending *ahem*toot to play a joke on an innocent bystander.

You learn something new everyday.

Regarding the door, I wrote a post about that back when I had just my five original readers.

Hi Mindy, Jessy, Sharyl, Lani, and Melissa!

Anyways, if you would like to read about that adventure, click here.

And the emergency brake one . . . that will be a story for another day.

Alright!

Happy Tuesday!

I am taking the dudes and going to visit my dear friend, Amanda, and she might even make me a latte!

Holla!

What are you all up to on this fine, Tuesday morn?

Posted in Questions and Their Answers | 31 Comments

Buns of Steel

Posted on April 11, 2010 by Taylor

We are deep in the throes of house remodeling over here. 

 It is dirty.  It is dusty .  It is cluttery.

And, it is most certainly, not pleasant.

But what can you do?

I’ll tell you what you can do . . . you buy pizza for dinner and you kiss your man and tell him he has big muscles.

It’s true!

The Lumberjack is very, very buff.

He can lift all those heavy sheets of sheet rock all by himself and I get fatigued just loading the scraps into the truck.

Yesterday, it was getting too stressful being in the house with all the Lumberjacklings amidst the saws and drills and hammers and dust.  So, I loaded them all up and we went to visit my ma and pa and catch up on laundry.

And as luck would have it, the cousins were there!

Life doesn’t get much cooler than when you have your big cousins around.

Kids! 

Make a silly face!

I fear the dudes do not grasp this concept.

Anyways, the laundry room project will take a few weeks.  But don’t you fret about me over here in sheet-rock-dust-land.

No.

Don’t you lose heart.

I am no stranger to such home remodeling projects.

Forescore and Seven Years ago (Name that president), minus the forescore, we bought this 1910 beauty.

Little did we know that the entire thing would need to be gutted.

And, so, for the past seven years, we have S-L-O-W-L-Y been rebuilding this house.

And when I say “we,” clearly I mean my Lumberjack.

For I know not the difference between a rotozip and a sawzall.

I think he done good.

I think he done real good.

Fun Fact:  Jason, The Lumberjack’s youngest younger brother used to help us work on the house every night. 

Interruption:  Please notice that I did not insert that usual snorkeling picture of Jason, like I normally do.  I promised that I was trying to cut back, and by golly, The Lumberjack’s Wife keeps her promises.  I can’t have anyone leave this blog on account of me posting that silly picture too much.

On a completely different note, I have heard lately that someone had to stop reading my blog because my blog hurt their eyes too much.  It seems my centering and double-spacing really bothered her eyes and she could no longer visit.  So, I must ask . . . does anyone else have this problem?  Because that would be tragic.  I do not want to start some odd eye condition. 

Do your eyes hurt?

Are you annoyed at my formatting?

Please.  Fill me in.

I center because I enjoy it.  I don’t know why.

I double space because that is what happens when I hit enter and I cannot figure out how to single space.  Honestly, I have tried to change it.  I gave up.

But it would not be ideal for my readers’ eyes to pain them so.

That concludes this interruption.

Thank you.

Back to the Fun Fact:  One night, Jason was helping us work on the house.  We were ripping out floorboards and the like, which was usually the custom in those early days.

Well, Jason got a little vigorous with the demolition and he bumped his buns into the window.

And by golly, the window just shattered.

Completely shattered.

So, because of Jason, and his buns of steel, we ended up replacing each and every window in the house.

Remember Jason?

Oh, shoot!

I did it again.

Ok.

From now on, I will try to stop posting that picture so much.

Scouts honor.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

I got an ideer from another blogger, Amanda from I am Mommy, that I want to try.  I think it would be fun!

Awhile back, I asked you all to ask me a question, and I thought it was an enjoyable time in my blogging days.

Truly.  It was a treat.

So, let’s try something, similar, shall we?

How about ask The Lumberjack a question!

Dudes!

It will be so fun!

You can ask him anything, but I can’t promise he will answer everything.

He’s a mysterious guy, you know.

And, I can assure you, he won’t use the center button nor will he double space.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

(Name that tv show)

Ok!  That’s all!

Leave a question!

Pretty please?

Posted in Uncategorized | 32 Comments

Fun with Adjectives.

Posted on April 9, 2010 by Taylor

Adjectives?!

Aren’t you thrilled?

Well, you should be.

This is going to be one exciting post.

I hope you got your party pants on.

Funny

Funny is the word I use to describe this week’s, “Comment of the Week.”

Oh! 

I’m sorry!

Did you not know about the “Comment of the Week” award?

Well . . . let me tell ya . . .

It is clearly the highest achievement that a blog commenter of this era could ever strive for.

And this week’s winner is Jill!

Everyone go say “Hi!” to Jill.

Or shout “Hi!” right now.

The choice is yours.

She commented on my post The Doctor’s Office.

“Next time take the pregnancy test at home, so you know for sure personally. Then at the doctor’s office, have Handsome Dude pee in the cup.”

Ah!

Brilliant idea!

And speaking of Handsome Dude peeing . . .

Nasty

Do you see this laundry room?

Please locate with your eyes the dryer.

Now look under the dryer.

Yes.

That’s right.

A new sub floor.

Now, on this very morning as we were doing our usual, “Hurry up!  Or we are going to be late for school!” morning routine, Handsome Dude started yelling for me.

HD (Handsome Dude!  Keep up people!):  Mommy!  Mommy! Come here!

Me:  What?

HD:  Look! Here!

So, I looked.

And right by the dryer, on the new sub floor, was a very large, wet puddle.

Me: Dude . . . did you pee on the dryer?

HD:  I not!

Me:  Well, what is it then?

HD:  Cokey did it.

Interruption:  Cokey is his name for Little Dude.

I look at Little Dude who is still fully dressed with his diaper intact.

Me:  I don’t think so, bud.

HD:  Ha-ha did.

Interruption:  Ha-ha is his nickname for Daisy Mae.

Me:  No.  She doesn’t pee like that.

HD:  Mabel (our dog) did it.

I am beginning to fear that my son, my precious boy, just might be lying to me.

Me:  Dude . . . is that pee?

HD:  No!  Is not!

Me:  Did you dump over Mabel’s water?

HD:  Yes!

So, I grab some paper towels and put them on the mystery puddle.

Yellow.

Yellow, yellow, yellow.

Me:  Dude.  This is pee.

HD:  Ok, mommy.  Sorry, mommy.

Fact:  I will most certainly be nipping this behavior in the bud immediately.

Question.

Have you ever tried to clean pee off of sub floor?

It’s kind of tricky, since it soaks right in.

So, there we are.

Late as usual.

No one is ready.

I look a fright.

And my mother-in-law calls to say she will be stopping by in 5 minutes.

Speaking of my mother-in-law . . .

Strange

Soon after The Lumberjack and I got married, we were over at my in-laws house for dinner.

My mother-in-law asked me to come with her to her bedroom.

Once we got there, she opened up a drawer and pulled out a small, clear bag.

Ma-in-law:  I would like to give this to you.

Me:  Oh!

Ma-in-law:  I have saved them all these years, waiting to give them to David’s wife.

Interruption:  The name “David” is what one would most often hear when being around The Lumberjack. 

Me:  Oh!  Wow!  What is this?

Ma-in-law:  All of his baby teeth.  I’ve saved them all these years.

Me:  Wow!

Ma-in-law:  See I have all of my children’s right here!

Me:  Wow!

Oh, how I heart my mother in law.

She is strange . . .

but in a good way.

Attention Amy:

If things work out between you and Jason, you might be getting a small bag of teeth.

Know that it was given to you in love.

I’m sorry!

Do you all not know who Jason is?

He is The Lumberjack’s younger brother.

Jason.

You know.

Jason.

Remember Jason?

I would like to state for the record that it has been one full week since I have used that picture.

I’m cutting back, I promise.

Baby steps.

Attention Holly:

If things continue in relationship-gloriousness with you and Big-A, you also might be handed a bag of teeth.

Please understand.

This is a prestigious honor.

I’m sorry!

Do you all not know who Big-A is?

Big-A is Alex.

He is The Lumberjack’s older younger brother.

Remember Alex?

2009_9_07 111

Attention:  Jack!

Did you get a bag of Lisa’s teeth?

Jack is married to Lisa.

Jack does not read this blog.

I should make fun of him more.

It would truly be convenient.

Lisa is The Lumberjack’s older sister.

Oh, my in-laws.

So strange.

And I love them.

Speaking of love . . .

Precious

Look at this baby!

She is Lisa’s baby . . . my new niece!

I must have her.

Can we not all agree that she looks somewhat like what my lumberjacklings looked like when they were babies?

Proof:

100 (meaningless) points to whoever/whomever can guess which baby of mine that is.

200 (meaningless) points to whoever/whomever can tell me if I should use whoever or whomever in that sentence.

Thank you.

Poor Little Dude.

He was a teeny-bit jealous of me holding that sweet baby.

It’s a good thing he decided to man up and put his brave face on.

Sweet baby is giving me a little touch of baby fever.

I don’t know why . . .

Focus, Taylor!

Focus!

Babies grow up!

They get bigger!

They get naughty!

They even get . . .

gross.

Yes.

Not only do they make the poo-poo.

They have blowouts.

Then you have to potty train.

You also have to teach them stuff.

Impart wisdom, if you will.

Stuff like:

You will not pee on mommy’s major appliances!

and

You do not throw dog poo at your sisters!

And . . .

You will not write your name on your armrest in mommy’s truck!

Seriously.

5 million (meaningless) points to whoever/whomever/whatever can tell me what the trick is to getting ink out of that plastic-vinyl-ish material of the interior of my truck.

I am full of motherly wisdom.

And, finally . . .

Lame

Our final segment is

The Lumberjack Takes A Picture . . . for the People:

Thrilling, Lumberjack.

Thrilling.

Well, people?

Do you love it?

Do you?

Happy Weekend!

Posted in Comment of the Week! | 35 Comments

The Doctor's Office.

Posted on April 8, 2010 by Taylor

I had an appointment with the dermatologist this week.

Not the crazy, mean, irrational dermatologist.

But my kind, new, and helpful dermatologist.

Kind, new, and helpful dermatologist has encouraged me to start accutane.

You might ask,

“Taylor, what, pray tell, is accutane?”

Well, I will tell you this . . .

Accutane is a super intense acne medication.

Holy raviolis, this is one annoying pill to take.

Why?

I’ll tell you why.

Because I have been trying to start this process since early December but first had to go to the lab to get blood work drawn but first I had to find someone to watch the kids (because I didn’t think it would be ideal to bring 4 children to a lab where they were taking my blood) but then the doctor had forgotten to tell me to fast so I went in for nothing then I had to go in again then I had to get the results then the nurse had waited to long to call me so they were all null and void then I had to take a pregnancy test then I had to see the gynecologist (sorry male readers) then I had to state my two forms of birth control then they waited too long so my pregnancy test was null and void then I had to take another pregnancy test then I forgot my special book, but in my defense they never told me I had to bring my special book with me everywhere I go, then I had to wait a month and then I had to create an online account with the government and then I had to answer 2.7 million questions about accutane then I had to go and take another pregnancy test and then I finally got the A-OK to start so then I went to the pharmacist but then no one had told me I had to bring my special card, which is conveniently located in my special book, then I had to come back, but I had to make sure I came back within the specific time window that the secret government account told me I had to come back in then I had to take a pregnancy test then I went to the pharmacist then he couldn’t give me my prescription because the nurse had entered my birthdate in wrong so then he had to get that all fixed then I had to come back then I finally got my prescription filled and I have been on accutane for one full month and my skin is a dry, dry desert and my skin is peeling and my lips are cracking and I am super uncomfortable and if I smile too quickly my lips start to bleed.

Seriously, folks.

My lips hurt!

Accutane.

It’s not for the faint of heart.

So, on Monday, I have to go for my check up.

And with me, as always, are the dudes.

Hooray!

So, they take me back to the exam room.

Question.

Why do they make you sit in the exam room for so long?

What is wrong with the waiting room?

You know.

The waiting room where there are toys and books for children to play with.

But, no.

Let’s make this mother sit in the exam room filled with untouchables and the round, swirling  doctor’s chair of death, while she waits for the doctor.

Yes.

That’s a great plan.

So, I sit and I wait.

And I discipline boys.

And I wait.

And while I wait, I think upon things.

Things such as:

A)  Why are my boys so naughty?

B)  When was the last time this floor was cleaned?

C)  I think I will go to Target later.

D)  Why do I still have acne?  I am 28.

E)  Where are Handsome Dude’s glasses?

F) Why is that stupid round chair in here?

G)  Why are my boys so naughty?

H)  Where are Handsome Dude’s spare pair of glasses?

I)  Why are my boys hitting each other?

J)  There is no way I am taking them to Target later.

Finally, the nurse comes in.

She asks me the following questions:

1)  Does your skin feel dry?

2)  Are your eyes dry?

3)  Do you have nosebleeds?

4)  Do you have blood in your stools?

(Um . . . gross.)

5)  Do you feel depressed?

6)  Do you have thoughts of harming yourself?

7)  Do you feel fatigued?

8)  Are your lips dry?

9)  Are you having severe stomach pains?

10)  Any chest pain?

Um.

Excuse me?

What kind of horror pill am I taking?

So, then she has to draw blood for the 1.2 million tests they need to test me on.

Nurse:  You remembered to fast, right?

Me:  No one told me to fast.

Nurse:  Oh.  Well you were supposed to.

Me:  Ok . . .

Nurse:  We’ll just take your blood anyways.

As she is filling tubes of blood, Handsome Dude is extremely concerned about her actions.

And Little Dude just leaves.

Yes.

That’s right.

He just walks out.

Next, I have to take a pregnancy test.

So, she sends me to the bathroom with the dudes.

Now, this was a treat.

If you haven’t ever tried to pee in a cup with your two young sons in a public place, I implore you to try it immediately.

As I am attempting to complete the task, Little Dude opens the door.

Yes.

That’s right.

He OPENS the door.

So I have to quickly waddle over him to close the door.

Then I bring him back to me and hold on to him with one hand.

Now, I have to pee into a cup one-handed.

While two boys are both peering and looking to see what is going on in this mysterious toilet bowl.

And I learned something about myself on this dreadful day:

I don’t have good aim.

As I am trying to put the lid on, Little Dude is alternatively rubbing my back and the toilet seat.

I quickly get up and put the cup on the counter out of their reach. 

I turn back and see Little Dude has completely put his face into the toilet.

Thank goodness I had already flushed.

But , nonetheless!

GROSS!

We make it out alive . . . barely.

The nurse tells us to sit in the exam room and wait a bit for results.

Fantastic!

We are good at waiting.

Handsome Dude now decides he must go poopy.

So, back to the bathroom we head.

He.

Takes.

For.

Ev.

Er.

Seriously.

A good 10 minutes.

Finally, we make it back to the exam room where it looks like the nurse is now waiting on us.

Ha!  Payback!

Now, the doctor comes in.

He asks me every single question the nurse asked me again.

He asks me when my last period was.

He reminds me that I cannot get pregnant.

Because, clearly it looks like I need more children.

I can understand his concern.

He looks at my face and lips, says I don’t look too dry at all, and ups my dosage.

And I predict, dear readers, that my the end of April, I will no longer have lips.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

Yes! 

I am finally getting my laundry finished.

I have been waiting for almost 7 years.

Would you all like to know something nice my Lumberjack did?

Instead of having me take all our clothes over to my mom’s house to wash, he moved our washer and dryer back into the laundry room last night so I could work on laundry today.

And I didn’t even have to ask!

Plus, he moved them all by himself.

Such muscles!

And then he invited me to the gun show.

Speaking of guns . . .

Random Topic Quick-Change!

How many guns does The Lumberjack have in his safe?

Yesterday, many of you guessed numbers under 7.

One person guessed 12.

And to that I say,

2009_9_07 142

Puh-lease.

Clearly, you do not know my Lumberjack.

Well, I didn’t even really know how many guns he had.

I just know he has a lot.

So, I told him I needed an accurate number.

And guess what?

He didn’t even know how many.

Lumberjack!

You have too many guns.

I repeat, you have too many guns.

The grand total?

17.

I find that excessive.

Happy Thursday!

Posted in family | 55 Comments

Yesterday

Posted on April 7, 2010 by Taylor

Yesterday.

Yesterday was an exciting day.

Why, yes!

I’m glad you asked!

That most certainly is hundreds of pounds of frozen beef scattered upon my kitchen floor.

Believe it or not, this project took us all night.

And when I say us, I mean mostly The Lumberjack, with yours truly lending a “helping hand” when needed.

And I use the term “helping hand” very loosely.

Psssst!

Hey Lumberjack!

What’s going on there in the glowing room of  doom?

Hello?

Guess who doesn’t get to do laundry for approximately 2-3 weeks?

Guess who must do at least 2 loads of laundry a day?

Guess who will be hauling laundry to her mama’s house?

Can we stop for a minute and discuss this gun safe?

This gun safe was heavy.

The Lumberjack stopped and borrowed a “hand truck” from his brother-in-law.

A hand truck.

These are things I knew not existed until I met my dashing Lumberjack.

And now, I would like to introduce you to a new segment called,

“Who are these people, my in-laws?”

Who are these people, where they know what a hand truck is?

And not only that, one of them has one.

“Hey!  Can I borrow your hand truck?”

“Sure.  You gonna pick it up in your rig?”

“Yeah.  I got to take a load to the dump, so I will swing by.”

“Ok.  Hey!  Are you helping put a new engine in Alex’s rig?”

“Probably, but first I got to go and get a few cords of wood.  Speaking of which, can I borrow your cables and your saw?”

“Sure.  Hey, this summer we should go spear fishing!”

“Sounds good.  Later.”

And that concludes the segment:

Who are these people, my in-laws?

Thank you.

 

So, my job is to push with all my might to help hoist this safe onto the hand truck so my Lumberjack can move it to its destination.

So I start pushing with all my might.

And nothing happens.

LJ:  Ok . . . push now.

Me:  I am!

LJ:  Harder!

Me:  I can’t!

LJ:  HARDER!

Me:  I got a cramp!

LJ:  *sigh*  Fine.  Switch me spots.

Now, folks.

This is my beef with the Lumberjack.

He never tells me “the plan.”

A)  I don’t know what a hand truck is in the first place.

B)  I don’t know the purpose of a hand truck.

C)  I don’t know what The Lumberjack’s job was on the other side of the safe, so how will I know how to fill his shoes?

D)  I don’t understand why we bought a fixer-upper house.

E)  I would rather be taking a bubble bath.

Me:  Ok!  Ready!

(PS-I really wasn’t ready because I didn’t know what to be ready for.  I was just trying to please my man and act like I was helpful.)

LJ: (grunting, straining)  Taylor!  Put your foot in front of the wheel!

Me:  The safe has wheels?

LJ:  Of the hand truck!!

Me:  Oh, right.

He starts pushing.

Me:  Stop!  You are running over my foot.

LJ:  Taylor.  Stop the wheel with your foot.

Me:  I am NOT wearing work boots like you,  you know.

LJ:  Fine.

Let us have a moment of applause for my Lumberjack who did  not lose his patience with me once.

Not once.

He went and grabbed a hammer and stuck it under the wheels of the hand truck.

LJ:  Now . . . please.  Don’t let it move.

Me:  Okie dokie!

So, my Lumberjack, in all his muscularness, loads this safe onto the hand truck.

Then we (and when I say we, I mean he) almost killed ourselves moving the safe to the living room.

Me:  Ha!  I bet you wish you had someone a little more helpful here tonight!

LJ:  Nope.  I’m fine.

Me:  Oh, I am not a bit helpful.

LJ:  Yes you are.

Me:  No.  I think I am actually negative helpful.

LJ:  No.  You were helpful.

Me:  On a scale of 1-10, I was like a -3.  And the only reason why I was not a -7 was because I am so darn cute.

Nothing.

No response.

Me:  Right?

LJ:  What?

Me:  I am cute, right?

LJ:  Sure.

Hmmm . . . .

So . . .

Our freezer is on our porch.

(Classy!)

Our washer and dryer are by the kitchen table.

The safe is in the living room.

The laundry is being outsourced.

Can anyone guess what’s going on at our house?

Happy Wednesday!

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can guess how many guns The Lumberjack has in his safe.

Posted in Uncategorized | 29 Comments