I have 24 students this year in my first grade class, and getting to know them at the beginning of the year is always fun.
As always, there are a couple who stand out.
I have this new gal. She is new to our school, and maybe new to Earth? I cannot be certain. She is a hoot and a half and I am still trying to figure her out. We’ll call her Sally.
We were reading The Ugly Duckling. Of course, as soon as I breathe the word ugly, 24 first graders gasp in horror.
“That’s rude, Mrs. M.”
“People should not say ‘ugly’.”
Me: Remember how we were talking about opposite words? Can anyone tell me an opposite word for “ugly?”
Sally’s hand shoots up in the air, and she is basically ready to fall over.
Me: Sally?
Sally (with such confidence): mmmmmmmmmmm
Me:
Students:
Sally:
Me: Well. Sally. M says “mmmmmmmmm.”
Fear not. Other pupils saved the day with opposite words galore.
Later that day-
We were doing our Social Studies. We were looking at the first flag of our country and noticing similarities and differences. Of course, the smaller amount of stars and the circle shape stood out to them.
Me: Let’s think about this. The first flag had 13 stars because our country had 13 states. Now, our flag has 50 stars. How many states do you think are in our country now?
Sally (quite proudly): 24!
And I was pleased that it was at least a number.
***
Sometimes when my students are not listening to me (like all the time), I break out in song.
One day, I composed on the spot a Mrs. Mal original that addressed my desire for 24 6-year olds to get in a quiet line to go to music class. This song was so original that I don’t even remember it.
One kid is like bopping his head as he makes his way to the line.
Kid: Mrs. M! That’s a sweet beat!
Me: A sweet beat?
Kid: Yeah! Your song! It is a sweet beat!
Me: Well, maybe I should record it and they can play it on the radio.
Kid (serious as a heart attack): You should do that today after school.
Me (even more serious): Absolutely, I will.
***
Every morning, 5th grade students get on the intercom and read the annoucements and tell a joke at the very end.
Most days the joke goes over 1st graders’ heads. They do, however, laugh uproariously regardless.
Intercom Kid: What is 4 apples + 2 apples?
And, Reader. I kid you not. There was a chorus of children calling out the number 5.
You know.
To demonstrate their knowledge of addition and what 4+2 is.
The answer was, in fact, “A second grade math problem,” and I felt quite discouraged about the math journey ahead of me with these little learners.
***
One of my little guys was having a rough day. Instead of participating in our phonics activities for the morning, he was sort of grunt/growling and rolling and hiding and the like. The rest of us were ignoring him and having a grand time chopping words up into syllables. As first graders do.
While we were doing this, the assistant principal comes in to address the rolling student. She speaks quite firmly with him, gets him up, and takes him to the hallway where some intense fellowship occured. The other kids are trying to keep their eyes on me and not show fear.
At this point, we had gotten to the point in our program where I say a sentence and the kids count the words in that sentence. And, Reader, I kid you not, but at that very moment when the very stern-acting principal closed the door, our sentence was:
“The principal is very kind.”
***
Here is my first day of school with my two very close teacher friends.
We taught first grade together for one year, loved it, and called ourselves The Dream Team.
We were only together that one year. But we still choose to believe we were the dreamiest.
***
Even though summer has ended, we tried to get a few last minute river trips in during September.
So, let’s look at pictures of the dogs at the river and marvel at their cuteness, shall we?
Did you marvel?
***
David and I decided to take Charlie out for some farm chores and to see if we could get her to become one with her DNA and help us herd some cows.
Well. She did chase cows. But all she did was just make them mad and scatter. We tried for about 2 hours and gave up.
We shall rate her 2/10. Because at least she put forth effort.
Later that evening as I was making dinner, David and I watched from the windows as every single cow willingly walked from the old pen into the new pen, making our rodeo from earlier in the day completely pointless.
***
I grew my own sunflowers!
***
This weekend I was cleaning out the garden. I was growing fatigued with dragging my garden debris over to an abandoned pigpen when I noticed that the cows were on the other side of the garden fence.
So I just started chucking cornstalks and such over the fence.
Matilda. Such a beaut.
Don’t know who this gal is, but she was sure hopeful I had more treats for her.
***
Someone from my parents’ church noticed HD was in the paper for Student of the Month!
Me: Dude! You are student of the month!
HD: Whose student of the month?
Me: Your schools!
HD: I didn’t even know they had that.
There was a lovely write up about him-this summer he installed luxury vinyl plank flooring in a few of the rooms at school and knocked the socks off of everyone with his ability to do it professionally.
And I do not know who took this picture of him, but this is the giddiest he has ever looked in a photo.
****
And lastly, but not leastly.
A little tip for all of you.
Are you feeling stressed from all the pressures in life?
Is your “to-do” list bogging you down?
Are you responsible to teach 24 first graders a multitude of math concepts, and they come to you thinking 4+2 is 5?
Well.
I recommend playing the song “At Last” by Etta James, and shout/sing it with all your might.
You will truly feel better.
Oh, I wish you could see LD’s eyebrows every morning on our way to town, trying to politely ignore me.
Our dogs are kennel dogs. They love to be in them if we are not home. We have always put them in their kennels overnight because, in the beginning, the dogs would wreak havoc on the entire house. So it made sense to tuck them away safely each night. Last week, I decided I wanted to try to have the dogs sleep outside of their kennels, but still in our bedroom with our door closed.
David gets up around 3:30am everyday and leaves by 4am. He had to go in and out of the room several times while getting ready, and our door makes a squeaky noise when you open and close it. Usually he wouldn’t be opening and closing doors, but he needed to keep the dogs in the room. Anyways, it was not a big deal at all. I followed up with him later that night-
Me: I think that worked well. The dogs didn’t do anything naughty. Let’s just let them sleep around the room and not in their kennels.
David: No. I think it is better for them to be in their kennels.
Me: What? Why?
David: Because I had to open and close the door too much. I was afraid it was going to wake you.
Me: Well, I don’t care. I always wake up with your alarm anyways and get up soon after.
David: Nah, I think they should be in kennels. It was too loud.
And, Reader. Doesn’t that sound lovely and kind and gracious of him?
Well. Let us examine what happened precisely the next night.
David and the boys decided the time had come to wean the calves. They put the mama cows on one side and the calves on the other side. They did this at 8pm.
The cows and calves did not stop calling/crying for each other once.
No. Not once.
All through the night they mourned for each other.
I took this video at 5am.
It was like it was in surround sound.
I maybe got three hours of sleep that night.
The very next night, the cows and calves were still pouring out their hearts to each other from across the field, but the cries had slowed and they weren’t as bad. I was able to fall asleep and stay asleep pretty well.
That is, of course, until it was time for David and the boys to commence Pig Butchering Day.
Reader. Have you ever been a part of a pig butchering day?
What fun!
In all seriousness, it is like a horror film over here. It is so early it is still a bit dark outside. The pigs scream as soon as they are shot. And they don’t scream in a dignified way. They scream in a way that would signal that someone was trying to kill them. And rightfully so. And there are things hanging and dripping and being tossed and honestly, it is all too much and I need you to understand how terrifying a pig’s scream is.
The boys brought their new speakers out with them and were blaring music during this event. Because the screaming pigs weren’t loud enough. Then they needed to use MY car so they could use my headlights to help them see things that no eye was ever meant to see.
Apparently LD is the one who moved my car into this position, and apparently he did not have clean hands.
This will be important later on.
Well, it is now very late in the morning-around 5:30am, and I need to get the dogs outside for a bathroom break. Remember the dogs? The dogs who have to sleep in their kennels because David is worried a creaky door might disturb my slumber?
Those dogs.
I feel like I have chosen an ideal time to take them, yet mere seconds after we head out for a rousing game of fetch, David *ahem* dispatches another pig (SCREAM!), and sends the dogs running terrified back into the house. Because the dogs do not like gunshots.
Poor Norman was traumatized and we couldn’t get him outside for about three hours.
Meanwhile, it is back to school week for me, so I have to rush out the door. LD sees me heading towards my car.
LD: Oh, wait, Mom!
And the boy took the arm of his sweatshirt and started to rub around the door of the car.
Please understand that my child looks like some sort of a chainsaw murderer at this time.
LD: Ok, Mom! There was some pig blood on your car door. I took care of it. Well, most of it.
I was running late, so I just said my goodbyes and toodled on down the driveway.
That’s when I noticed the steering wheel was sticky and my hands had a brownish reddish residue on them and I had to be so grossed out and so careful to not touch my face or my clothes or my hair and drive all the way into town in that manner.
BUT!
LET THE RECORDS SHOW!
We cannot let the dogs sleep outside of their kennels for fear it will somehow disturb my slumber or inconvenience me in any way.
***
School!
It was another crazy back to school week with planning and trainings and setting up the classroom. David helped me hang some new lights. I was gifted them so they didn’t cost me anything!
My whole life’s goal is to not use those horrible overhead lights, and I think this year I will make all my dreams come true!
I had my classroom all set up and ready to go, then I toodled off to the river to join everyone for The Most Fun Camping Weekend Ever.
Within a few hours of arriving, I started to feel a bit off. I excused myself and just went into my trailer and got in bed. And there I stayed for many more hours, feeling worse by the minute.
David, the kids, and most of the group were on a float trip. I knew I had to go and I wanted to get a covid test before the store closed, so I left while they were on the trip and drove myself home.
I picked up a test-went home-and wouldn’t you know it?
Positive.
Such great timing!
Plus, I felt awful.
Later that night, HD drove to service to call me.
HD: WHY DID YOU LEAVE?
Me: I was sick. I have covid.
HD: NO YOU DO NOT. COVID IS OVER.
Me:
For the rest of the weekend, I stayed home, sick, and everyone else had fun on the most fun camping weekend ever.
So, that was that. Which brings us to today. The first day of school. AKA, The Worst First Day. Because I could not go.
Me, the teacher. Did not go to school on the first day. Won’t go tomorrow either. I am hoping for Thursday. It was the strangest feeling, being home on the first day of school. Felt like I was committing a crime.
The boys drove themselves to school. My, how times have changed! They were beyond thrilled to pose for a photo this morning.
I feel this picture symbolizes hope, joy, and eagerness for an inspiring new school year.
HD is in 11th and LD is in 10th.
And, me? I was in bed.
Stupid Coronavirus.
***
Hadley got a job and she is working on a housing transfer.
***
Auntie is doing so much better. She ended up staying the night in the hospital for two nights and she came back a whole new gal! They decided she actually did NOT have a stroke, so that is a relief. She is back home and doing well.
Alright.
Well, doing anything wears me out easily right now, so I better sign off and get ready for bed.
And don’t you worry! I will make sure to kennel the dogs so the creaky door doesn’t disturb me in the morning.
I am still waiting for the professional wedding pictures to share with you.
***
Well. Things have been happening. Let’s discuss.
We moved Hadley into her new dorm at her new college.
Do any of you have adult children? It is a struggle. Mostly because for all their lives, you are, in essence, the boss of them, and then once they turn 18, you are immediately stripped of all your rights.
Well. I need to have the right to be in charge of Hadley and her college career choices. That girl is confusing me and she is confused and I am confused and maybe the college is confused. But, anyways. We moved her in. We thought she was moving into a dorm on campus, but they stuffed her into a “house” off campus. And she was so nervous to move into a dorm and I told her, and I quote, “it will be great! you will meet new people and have fun!” And then she got shoved in a house off campus. Which is fine, maybe, but then she went to her Lobby Party to meet everyone, as instructed by her WELCOME PAMPHLET, and she was the only one there.
Me no likey.
We are trying to get her on campus.
2. Kate and Caleb started their new year in Kansas. The PUPPY joined in on the pics just cuz.
They are setting up their new apartment and getting right back into school and work and figuring out married life.
3. One day, before church, David informed us that we were going to a field to look for a tire.
Yes. You heard me correctly. A tire.
Me: A tire?
David: A tire.
Me: From what?
David: The trailer.
Me: Was the tire on the trailer? Like on an axle? (Bonus points awarded to me for knowing tires go on axles)
David: No. It was on top of the trailer.
Me: ?
David: It is in a field and I need it.
Me: When did you lose it?
David: Like a year ago.
Ok.
I know I am not the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to all things farm and ranchy. But.
A year?
Me: David. How do you know where the tire is?
David: Because I remember seeing it fly off the trailer and into the field around this certain bend.
Me: And why didn’t you collect the tire then?
David: Because I was in a hurry then.
Me:
David:
Me:
And so we went and looked for the tire.
We did not find it. We were 10 minutes late to church. HD was mad that his white socks got dirty, and he was wearing slides. He announced to the world that he would not be able to attend church with his dirty white socks. Hadley was wearing cowboy boots and switched him socks and saved the day.
4. I do not have cowboy boots.
5. I am back in action at school. As predicted, I am no longer teaching a K/1st combo class, but I am teaching straight first grade. And I love love love first grade, so that is happy news. David helped me hang some new lights, and I predict I won’t have to use my stupid, bright overhead lights at all this year, and that, my friends, is winning.
6. Oh! Let me tell you a story about Hadley and her new “off campus ” house that will hopefully ruffle your feathers, as it did mine. The house has a community kitchen area. She went down there to fill a water bottle. She was shocked that there were humans there, as she has been dwelling there alone and also, it is like 100 degrees there all the time. Anyways, she walked in and there were some people in there having a conversation. She said she just went in and filled her water bottle-she felt too awkward to say anything. And as she was leaving, she heard one of the guys say, in a rude-ish tone- “Ok, BYE.”
7. Reader. I did not like that story. At all. Hadley Beth is a nice girl and deserves to be welcomed. Let us hope she gets switched to the other dormitory option post haste.
8. David, as usual, has been incessant with the gathering of the hay. You guyz. My house is literally ridiculous. If you drove down our road, you wouldn’t see my house. You would see hundreds and hundreds of hay bales. The guy is addicted.
And is he done?
No!
My dad met someone the other day who said he was from around this area, and my dad said the guy said to him, and I quote, “Oh, is your daughter at the place with all the hay bales stacked in front?”
So that is what I am known as. Never mind my cute peonies and attempts to decorate my porch.
I am just-House with Many Hay Bales.
Anyways. The gathering of hay has been a family endeavor. David knows we love our dogs and allowed the dogs to join at times. And THAT is the key to my heart.
I took Niko. Because poor Niko has been abandoned by Kate, who was his owner but wouldn’t take him and bought a new pup instead.
?
Anyways. I am in a spoiling NIko phase.
There is not much more to say. Other than I love my dogs.
And they love me.
Honestly, they are obsessed with me and must be with me at all times. And, quite frankly, I am ok with that.
Hadley came home from college AND HER TERRIBLE DORM SITUATION and helped us. Her dog, Charlie, even got to ride in the skidsteer with her.
I mean.
Come on.
I LOVE THEM.
9. David and I took them to the river for an afternoon of swimming and relaxation.
The river is low and slow now. You can walk across it from our place to a little “island” area. The dogs have figured out that they can be brave and swim to this island. So, when we first got there, I started walking across the river, and they followed, because, they are obsessed with me. And they had a wonderful time splashing and thinking they could catch ducks and finding sticks.
And, Reader.
There are so many sunken sticks in the island area. It is incredulous.
Anyways. We walked back and went back to our usual shenannigans of me throwing a stick in the water, and them fetching it.
At one point, Norman went after a stick, but he lost it.
Oh. This upset him.
He was searching and running all around. And then I saw him from the bank. He looked my way-
and then he leapt, like the pro-champion swimmer that he is, into the river and swam to the island area. You can see it in the above picture. He found a stick there, swam all the way back across the river, and got it back to me.
And, I mean.
Come on.
How could you not love him?
Charlie and Niko were in awe of him.
And who wouldn’t be?
10. I have already started back to school.
Hooray!
This morning, I was getting ready and doing the things, and I had a nagging feeling to check on Auntie Dana. Dana lives in an apartment we built for her awhile back in our shop. I never check on her in the early morning, becuase she is a late sleeper.
Anyways. I did. And I am glad I did, because she was not well. And I called Mother and had to pull her away from her adminstrative duties at the pediatric office and she came over. And I had to text my admin and tell them I was out for the day. And Mother and I spent the day trying to help Auntie Dana and it took the entire day. Getting her ready and out of the apartment. Getting her to the car. Getting her to the clinic. And then, on advice of the clinic, getting her to the ER. And, Reader. Auntie had a stroke. And she is being admitted. And I hope she will recover enough to come and enjoy her life on our adventurous farm.
So. Keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
11. And because you wouldn’t expect anything less-during the time I was waiting for mom to come and help me with Auntie, I noticed that we-and please sit down for this-didn’t have water.
I know. It is hard to believe.
And, I mean. What timing!
So. David was the all important turn buyer again for the fair with pigs and steers. HOORAY! And today was the exact day that the pigs and steers needed to picked up.
So.
The boys left here at 5 am and went and picked up the pigs for David. Because they are almost men now, and David includes them and lets them go in as partners on deals and such. Anyways, the boys came and dropped off 20 pigs. One of them put the hose in the pig water trough and turned it on, forgot all about it, and then they left to get the steers.
So, when I was in Dana’s apartment trying to help her, I noticed we had no water. I went to investigate and found an overflowing pig trough and pigs happily splashing in a pool of mud.
I turned the hose off, not thinking much of it.
But, Reader. More would come of it. Later on.
12. I was at the ER and David came to pick me up, since it looked like Auntie would be admitted. When we got home, David needed my help sorting pigs. And do not ask me WHY, but sorting them is important to him. And, stand down, Reader! I did not leave Auntie alone. My mother and uncle were there. Anyways, we needed to sort the pigs. In order to sort them, we needed to read their tag numbers.
However. Because the boys left water on and created mud, the pigs were coated in mud. We could not read their tags and had to try to wash the tags to read them. Pigs are not agreeable creatures and they were working against us the entire time.
But. We sorted them, and I earned the title of Wife Worth More Than Fine Rubies, like I usually do.
13. Also. Found out when David was hauling the gigantic hay bales, he lost one in the same area as the missing tire. There is no reason to tell you that, but I decided to.
14. After I helped sort the pigs, I received the message from mother that the doctors decided Dana had had a stroke. She is staying in the hospital for a few days, and it is all very worrisome, but I am thankful I decided to check on her, thankful she seems to be doing pretty good, thankful mom could come and help, and thankful that my school family was supportive so I could help get her the help I need.
15. Let us hope and pray that Hadley gets a different housing placement. Because she went to the lobby party-as suggested by THE WELCOME PAMPHLET-and was all alone.
16. Please keep Auntie in your thoughts and prayers.
Let us continue on with the big wedding week recap.
On Thursday night, after all the guests and first responders left, I walked out onto the back deck and saw all the cows gathered around their empty water trough. Their water trough was empty because we had no power, of course. They seemed quite confused, because they are used to jogging on down to the water trough by the hour, filling their bellies with water to their heart’s delight, and then going right back to what they do best-eat and poop. And Reader, as of late, the cows have come to that trough, drank it dry, and then my entire home is out of water for a moment in time while the water level in the cow trough fills back up to normal. It’s pretty fun over here.
But no power=no water pump=not even the cows could have water. And, I spoke to the cows as they all stood in line glaring at me. As people do.
Me: Ah-ha! My how the tables have turned, Cows.
Cows:
Me: How does it feel to expect water in your life, and alas, there is no water? Pretty inconvenient, if you ask me.
Cows:
Me:
Cows:
Let’s move along.
Friday.
On Friday, David had to work and HD had a few things to take care of. The plan was for me to leave at 9am and head to the river, leading a convoy that included myself, the bride and groom, the groom’s parents, Hadley and LD. David and HD were going to be at the river by around 11am. Before my departure, I had to get the house in order from the day before, wash up my bedding, clean the house, and load up vehicles with all the things. We were planning on staying in our trailer at the river for the next couple nights and David’s brother and his family were coming into town to stay at our place and watch our dogs. Because I don’t know a lot about throwing a wedding, but I do know it would be in poor taste to have these three running amok during the festivities.
In true Maliblahblah fashion, everything is hectic and crazy. I am having to wake LD up 85 times and spent a lot of time trying to get his very tall self INTO THE SHOWER for the love of everything. And in true LD fashion, I have to work very hard to get him OUT OF THE SHOWER.
Me: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. You have been in there forever.
LD: I know. I had to wait awhile for the water to come back on.
And if I drop dead from stress, just tell the doctors I literally could not continue to endure life with my water situation because ohmygoodness and ohmyword and I just cannot and WHY, and I believe when I do get to heaven the Good Lord will create for me home filled with faucets that just pour water with the flick of a wrist and such a glory it will be.
And also, we had a puppy.
Because even though I declared no dogs would be at the wedding, we had a puppy.
So, we get to the river. Everyone is looking at me as if I am some wedding coordinator who knows what is going on. I start tasking and Hadley and LD both start mowing and Caleb’s parents and I, along with Kate and Caleb, all started washing the chairs and getting those ready to go.
The grass was extremely lush and green. This was due to the fact that David and I had devoted our lives to keeping that grass watered and it had never in all its time been that green. And it will never be again, because that was way too much work. Thankfully, the weather had not yet turned (remember-thunderstorms were in the forecast), so it was nice and hot and the sun was beating down on everyone.
As I was washing chairs, I was looking at the lawn mowing crew and noticed that the riding mower was spitting out an obscene amount of grass. I found it odd, so I went to check and was, for lack of a better term, “dismissed” by my own children who feel they know everything there is to know about life. So, I went back to washing chairs, but still felt something was off, and I would go and try to figure out why there was so much grass clippings and what was different this time about mowing than all other times. Dismissed again-back to washing-back to worrying-and this little dance of mine continued for awhile. Finally, I discover that the lawn mowing children decided to lower the mower from a level 6 to a level 2. And I don’t know how to explain it to you, but it was looking like they were just cutting away all that green, green grass and when it was down that low to the ground, it looked a bit more on the brown side.
It is now well past 11am and no sign of David. My dad shows up and he is able to help me stop the renegade lawn mowers, but there was definitely a problem. The grass now looked brown and dead and was covered in grass clippings. Thankfully, the grass closer to the river was being mowed with the push mower, so that grass was still lovely and green, but there was a huge patch of just bad, bad, bad. We had one rake and so raking started to try and get that grass up off the lawn. In the spirit of all things my life, the rake broke and my dad sent Hadley back into town to buy two new rakes. The renegade lawn mowing children were miffed at the world, and I know they didn’t mean to do anything wrong, but we now had a lot of raking to do.
It is now around 1pm and I am hot and tired and the property looks pretty much awful and I don’t know how to set up for a wedding and where in the world was David and I had to make lunch for everyone. I went into the trailer to make sloppy joes. My mom had arrived now and came into the trailer to find me crying and cooking stupid ground beef because I was so tired and we had worked so hard and grass now looked so bad. It was a shining moment.
The rest of the day went ok. Kate and Caleb were doing a lot of puppy parenting and that was kind of entertaining. I believe Kate thinks that if she says the puppy’s first AND middle name in her most stern voice 18 times, the puppy listens. David and HD finally arrived at almost 3pm. Why they were so late, I am unclear on, but if I were to guess, I would guess that David completely forgot we were about to throw our daughter a wedding and he spent some time at home repairing his hay-bale-unroller and feeding the cows and generally not being in a rush at all.
David and LD got to work on lawn CPR which involved an insane amount of raking and watering. HD got to work on weed wacking and trimming up. Everyone else was doing everything else we could think of to decorate and prepare, but the tricky thing was to decorate only things that would survive the next day’s early morning rain.
And, oh! We were going to have a rehearsal dinner! My dad, the total champ that he is, took on the preparing of the rehearsal dinner and was preparing prime rib from our very own cattle. And I have never in my life even thought of cooking prime rib, but I sure do think it would be tricky to do in your trailer at the river. But he did and my mom was helping with sides and such and they did a good job.
The rehearsal went well and I started to feel a bit better. Things were coming along and looked nice. David and LD’s hard work was starting to show and grass debacle was looking to be less tragic by the hour.
This was what it looked like just for the rehearsal-without the final decorations.
Saturday.
One of the trickiest parts to this wedding was the fact that it was at the river. The river is far and not conveniently located and, once you are there, you have no cell phone reception and would need to drive at least a half hour to get reception.
Also-I am not good at this. At all. And I felt very disorganized and rushed the entire 40 day planning period and it was just not the best and most fun time for me. One nice thing about the short planning time was that our options were very limited, so we didn’t have to spend a lot of time making decisions-we just had to do what we could do given our time frame. I will say I was very impressed with Kate this whole time. Kate has always been a more high-stress person, and I was anticipated her being in a tailspin and maybe even a bit Bride-zilla-ish, but no. She was very cool and calm. Sometimes she would start to get a bit upset, but easily calmed down and handled every twist and turn with ease. Unlike her mother who was sobbing over grass while cooking sloppy joes the day before.
Hadley’s bridesmaid dress didn’t fit quite right, so she asked Aunt Lisa to do a little last minute alteration which involved lengthening the straps with a strip of tiny pearls, making Hadley’s dress look a bit different than the other bridesmaids. However, it was not very noticeable at all.
Kate: Hadley! What did you do to your dress?!
Hadley: Kate. Don’t be upsetty spaghetti. The straps were too short and this is all we had time for.
Kate: Ok. It’s fine.
Me: DID YOU JUST SAY UPSETTY SPAGHETTI? That’s gold! I shall use it with my firsties this year.
And that sort of thing was about the extent of it all and really Kate did very well.
On Saturday morning I left the river by 7am and had to gather the girls who were at the house and then we did a fun morning for Kate with manicures and brunch. People went their seperate ways for a bit and I took Kate to get her hair done by Haircut Lisa. We have two Lisa’s in our lives, so we refer to them as Aunt Lisa and Haircut Lisa. It works for us. Haircut Lisa has been cutting my hair since I was about six years old, so that is all special and fun and nostalgic.
I touched base with Caleb’s parents, and we need to let the records show that these two were absolutely amazing. They came and did not bat an eye (that I could see-ha!) at our crazy lives and jumped right in. They took on a lot of decorating and cleaning and were so very helpful. His mom was asking about the details of the time right before the wedding with last minute decorating and then getting dressed and looking all nice for the wedding.
Me: You can totally just bring your nice clothes and change in my trailer before the wedding. That’s what I am going to do!
And, that statement, Reader, will be important later on.
Kate and I got back to the house with her hair looking most beautimous and met up with Hadley, Lily, and another bridesmaid. The girls all helped Kate get her things together and then I had to try and figure out how to load all the ceremony flowers safely in my car and get them to the river.
Also, it is important to note that it is at this time that is started to rain.
First, I had Kate’s bouquet, and I think it is the biggest bouquet the world has ever seen.
I had to use the container meant for huckleberry lemonade just to prop it up correctly.
Fun fact: The peonies in that bouquet are silk. I won’t tell if you won’t tell.
Bridesmaid bouquets-
And a swag type thing we made for the arch.
Caleb stopped by the house to grab the puppy. Because, of course, the puppy was coming to the wedding! Why would you think any differently, you silly Reader.
Kate: CALEB CANNOT SEE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caleb did not see her.
I finally left with three young adult women and all the ceremony flowers and headed to the river, in the pouring rain, with a hopeful attitude because the rain was supposed to end by 4pm.
I arrived at 4pm. And even though the wedding was to start at 6, I would say about half the guests had already arrived early.
Fun!
But, Reader. When I pulled up, a huge sense of relief and gratitude came over me. While I was in town with all the girls doing all the things, David and the boys, Jessy (remember Jessy! She’s swell), my parents, my niece Ana, Aunt Lisa and family, and David’s parents had been at it all day and the place looked absolutely on point. Everything was coming together and looked better than I could have imagined. Truly. We have a kind and helpful family.
And Caleb’s parents arrived and tackled the arch decorations and that was a huge burden that was lifted. I am really so grateful that we had so much help.
This post is going way too long, but we have come this far and there is no turning back. Before we head into the final stretch, you need to know that Kate really wanted all the trailers off the property for the wedding because she thought it wouldn’t look nice. And I get it, I do, but I want you to try and imagine how we would have pulled this off without the use of the three trailers at the property.
The 4-6pm time block is a blur. I was running in and out of trailers, trying to make huckleberry lemonade and setting up the drinks and also finishing up last minute decorating and tidying up. My trailer is an explosion of bridesmaids and wedding clothes and shoes and makeup bags and people and someone’s hot rollers heating up in my bathroom.
Finally, it came time to get the boys dressed. May God have mercy on my soul.
It is now approximately 5:15. Even though Auntie Datenut let out the hem on HD’s pants, they are still too snug around his waist. There is an inner button and an outer one and there is no way that inner button was going to button. This left a gaping effect at the top of the zipper.
HD: That’s it. I am not tucking in the shirt.
Me: Yes, you are.
HD: No, I am not.
Me: Yes.
HD: No.
Me: Yes.
And so on. We decide to have me try and safety pin, but that was not working out at all, plus I think I was a little to close to him for comfort, if you know what I mean. I got them ready, barely-tasked Jessy with cufflinks and she handled them like a champ. Now it is 5:38pm. I remember because I looked at the time and thought,
“Heavens! It is 5:38pm! And I am still in jeans and my hair is a fright and I am not ready at all!”
Finally, my bathroom is free, so I start to wash my face. Hadley and Lily, who were all ready and beautiful, kept coming in because it was at this time that Hadley decided she should write her maid of honor speech.
Hadley, shouting at me through the bathroom door: MOM I NEED A FUNNY STORY ABOUT ME AND KATE FROM OUR CHILDHOOD.
Then David is knocking on the bathroom door and telling me he needs to take a shower and it like 5:42 and I am like, dude, you have been here all day and so I try to get my makeup on in my trailer bedroom and Kate is in there with the gal doing her makeup so I squeeze by and sit on the floor and try do it from there.
David is out and I try to get back in to do my hair. People are still coming in and out and Kate is worried people are going to see and I got a little snippy and said/shouted:
“Please. If you are ready and you do not NEED to be in here, get OUT!”
Kate and I finish getting ready. Sally the bridesmaid is in there as well. She sure did get right in there and applied deoderant to Kate’s armpits and then lovingly and expertly wiped all the deoderant smudges off her pits with her own finger and that is true friendship.
I open the door to the trailer and the pastor is standing right there.
Pastor: You guys ready in there?
Me: Yes.
Pastor: Ok. It is 5:56. We will start in 4 minutes.
And that was that. And we started in 4 minutes. And the rain had stopped and I went and sat down. I saw Caleb’s parents across the aisle and noticed they were in their fancy clothes and wondered how and when they changed, since I completely forgot about them and my offer to have them use my trailer.
Found out later, they just stood behind their Jeep and got dressed.
Face palm.
The wedding was really nice and pretty. I don’t really have many photos at all and will share the professional ones when I get them. It did start to rain a bit after the ceremony and right before the reception dinner, but we really lucked out.
Alright. That’s enough for today. Thanks for reading.
The other day, LD was sent to gather the eggs from the hens and came back with a concernably large amount of eggs that he found around the property, not in the coop. This is concerning to me now because I know things now about farm life, specifically things about roosters living with hens and hens hiding eggs in clutches, if you know what I mean.
And the day I am making breakfast and crack open a partially-developed chick is the day I pack my things and head back to town.
If I ruled the world, all the questionable eggs would go in the garbage, but that would disappoint the mister, so LD and I spent some time candling the eggs and then performing a float test.
So that’s another normal thing that happens in my house.
Let’s move on.
So, we had a wedding, and before we begin any sort of recap, I want you to understand that:
A) I will never be a wedding planner.
B) I have never been more exhausted in my life.
Because I am a fool, I worked Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday night, I picked Hadley up-she had just arrived in town-and we had to run her bridesmaid dress to Aunt Lisa for a quick little alteration.
On Wednesday morning, Hadley and I cleaned the whole entire house. Because not only was I having a wedding AT THE RIVER, but I was needing to get my house ready for guests and housesitters and such. Fun! We cleaned and cleaned and had to rush to we could meet Kate and Caleb in town on time. We finished the cleaning and I went to hop in the shower, and wouldn’t you know it, but we didn’t have water. Again. Because it is hot and the cows drink all the water and remind me to talk to David about rethinking us sharing a well with the livestock.
They can get their own well.
So we drove to town and met with them. I took Kate and we were off to get her hair highlighted and cut and do a wedding hair practice run, along with some other errands, and Hadley and Caleb (plus a puppy!) had their own errands to do, including driving to the airport to pick up the shipment of flowers.
Because, yes. Kate and Caleb bought a puppy. One week before their wedding and subsequent move that involves a few days of driving.
And, also because we don’t have our heads screwed on straight, we chose “Do It Yourself Flowers.”
And so, on Wednesday night, we did the first night flower prep, as per the directions provided and Kate and Caleb toodled off to meet with the pastor.
Thursday.
Before we begin the big Thursday recap, I am going to need you to brace yourselves. Because Thursday was literally a lot. Frankly, it was too much. It almost broke me.
And, also. We had a puppy.
Let’s begin.
When Kate and Caleb came into town, they brought with them the boys’ groomsmen suits. And even though there was really no time for any sort of alteration, I felt it would behoove me to have the boys try on the clothes to make sure they would work. And you can imagine how well that idea was received.
GOSH.
HD was first. And his pants were teeny and toasty. And then I recalled Kate relaying a conversation she had with the bridal shop gal.
Bridal Shop Gal: Hon, is one of your brothers really skinny?
Kate: Yes.
Bridal Shop Gal: Like extremely skinny?
Kate: Yes.
Bridal Shop Gal: Like really quite extremely skinny?
Kate: Yes.
So that should have been my first clue.
His pants were too snug around the waist, which is probably a feeling he has never experienced before. They were also too short and too “slim fit.”
HD: These look ridiculous.
Me (trying to save an entire wedding in one moment): No! I am pretty sure this is the new style!
LD puts on his pants. They look fab and fit him well. Also, I would predict he would be able to sit down in them if he wanted to, unlike HD.
HD: Look at him. He looks fine. He doesn’t look like an idiot. I look like an idiot.
Me: Oh, pish posh! It will be great!
HD:
I tell the boys they can leave for work and then I hear Kate calling out from the kitchen.
“MOM, we have a BIG problem.”
And, Reader. A dozen white roses were dead, dead, dead right on the kitchen table.
So, Kate, Hadley, Caleb and I loaded up and left for town in search of white roses, along with a couple of other errands because I forgot that I still have to feed people meals and stuff like that. And, also, Caleb’s parents were arriving that afternoon and would come to my house for the first time ever and help us with the flower assembly and I was planning on making dinner for them.
While driving to town, I am starting to stress a bit and having Hadley send texts on my phone to problem solve HD’s pants situation. I brought the pants with me to town in case there would be a bridal shop affiliated with the other one and we toodled around getting white roses and ingredients for dinners and such.
The only solution we were given for HD’s pants was to find someone to let the hem out so they wouldn’t be as short.
A quick message to Auntie Datenut, and we had secured someone to do just that.
Costco had white roses.
I decided to make stir fry, salad, bread and huckleberry pie for dinner.
We called in Aunt Amy to come and help with flower assembly.
And, also, we had a puppy.
We got home and I had to quickly made two pies so they could set in the fridge and then we embarked on a wonderful, magical adventure of trying to assemble bouquets. When we had ordered the DIY flowers, we were told we could get video tutorials and “recipes.” And we kinda did, but they weren’t as explicit as I had imagined they would be. Luckily, Hadley took to it naturally and she was able to take the lead on the creation of the bouquets.
Oh! And here is something fun!
In my Facebook memories that day, I was reminded that 12 years ago on that day, Aunt Amy came over and we made strawberry jam in my kitchen.
So, here we are 12 years later, making flowers and arch swags like total bosses.
David walked in. He had been working as an electrician and also managing to pick up the table and chairs rental order and also going to two different Walmarts to secure 4 10×10 white pop up shade tent things. Because that was my rain backup plan. Because even though Thursday was hot like lava, Saturday’s forcast was all about the rain and thunderstorms.
And, also, we had a puppy.
David looked at us and the explosion of flowers that had overtaken his home, and went outside to feed the cows. And probably encourage them to drink up all the water. As they do.
Amy had to leave and Caleb’s parents arrived. And they are nice and lovely and jumped right in to helping with the creation of the bouquets.
The last bouquet we worked on was Kate’s, and you would not believe the size of this thing. I think it weighed more than her.
About five minutes after I took this photo, we lost power.
And I was like, of course we lost power. Why wouldn’t we? But then Hadley thought she heard something outside, and, Reader, this post is going to take a serious turn.
All this time, one of HD’s friends was over, but she was outside working with her horse that she boards here. Let’s call her Jessy.
Hadley opened the door and yelled, “Oh my gosh, Jessy hit the power pole!”
So, I am trying to process what that even means and we are trying to quickly find a place to set the bridal bouquet down and Hadley runs back inside in full-on panic mode.
” Guys, it is really bad and dad is calling 9-1-1.”
We all start running outside.
Caleb pops the puppy in the back of his truck, his mom has the bouquet and we all just run.
Reader. The entire power pole was ripped out of the ground and on top of her car. Both of her airbags were out. I don’t know much about power, so I am terrified that either she has been electrocuted or that someone is about to be. David just opens her door to get her out.
Caleb’s parents: How did he know he wouldn’t get electrocuted?
Me: I guess because he is an electrician? I do not know.
He gets Jessy out of the car, she is understandably very upset and we are trying to get her to the house. I look towards the house and see Caleb’s poor mother, looking overwhelmed in our driveway, and holding the world’s largest bouquet in one hand and trying to keep the puppy from jumping out of the truck with the other.
Welcome to our home!
So things got a bit chaotic. Some people were helping Jessy, some were going out into the road to stop/warn cars of the downed power line-the line was still live, and some people were making the important phone calls that needed to be made.
Me: David. How did you know you wouldn’t get electrocuted?
David: I didn’t. I just took the chance.
Reader. I still don’t fully understand, but apparently there is some box on the power pole and it was not touching her car-it was past the car by about 2 feet or so. I was told that if that had touched her car, things would have been much worse? I don’t know. But I do know that those first few moments were extremely terrifying and I am so grateful Jessy was not hurt or killed.
It took FOREVER for all the emergency responders to arrive, plus her parents were en route. We had Jessy set up in a recliner in our living room with a drink of water and there were just a lot of people in the house.
Caleb’s dad: Can I just get by you so I can wash my hands?
Me: I would love for you to be able to wash your hands. But since the power is out, so is our pump. And we have no water.
And, Reader. If I had a nickel for everytime I have had to say, “We have no water” this past month, I could have afforded to have a professional assemble the flowers.
The police/fire department arrive and walk into a living room that is exploding with people and flowers.
And, also, we had a puppy.
Fireman: Oh, wow. Are you all family in here?
Hadley, making a large sweeping gesture with her hand: Soon to be family!
And it got me wondering how Caleb’s parents are feeling about this new family their son is marrying into.
Jessy checked out fine. She remembered nothing. I don’t know-maybe she passed out? She had been working a horse in the heat and said she wasn’t drinking water. I really dont’ know what happened-but she was ok, and her parents came and took her home.
And then I remembered all the chicken marinating and the food that needed to be cooked and the hungry people that were all about me.
But, alas. I had no power. I could not cook. So I set out chips and salsa and veggies and hummus, sliced french bread, a green salad, and huckleberry pie. We ate in the dark and drank from lukewarm water bottles. The power didn’t come on until sometime in the middle of the night.
And, THAT, Reader was Thursday. And I have run out of time to write in this blog, so you will just have to hold onto your pants a little while longer to hear the rest of the wedding shennanigans.
Things are getting a bit dicey over here, Friends.
We are at T minus 4 days until this wedding, and I am hopeful that no more curve balls will be thrown my way.
I do not have much time to post, therefore, I shall make a list of a few new developments that you may read at your leisure from your non-wedding-planning home.
David, LD, and I went to water at the river this weekend. Shocker. While we were there, the power went out, which in turn made the sprinklers not work, so we were there to water, but could not water. Eventually, the power was restored.
When we got back into service, we found out Hadley decided to go and get a nose ring.
Also, we found out HD’s glasses broke at a basketball tournament and they had to be superglued together several times.
We also discovered that Auntie Dana, who lives on our property and shares our well water with us, was out of water.
David surprised me with the news that he noticed at the property that all our sprinkler timers stopped working and he didn’t know how to fix them, so in order to not have burnt up grass for the wedding, he would basically be living at the river from now until the wedding so he could water. And we spent an exorbitant amount of money on timers and sprinklers and hoses, so the fact that they stopped working brings us great comfort.
And Kate surprised us with the happy news that she had bought a puppy 7 days before her wedding.
Before David left for his new home, he had to tackle our water issue. Because, let me tell you, it is extremely difficult to wash bedding for incoming guests when one has no water. It was decided that the master bathroom toilet was broken and constantly running, therefore causing our well to run dry, hence no water. David shut off the water to that toilet and told me the water should be good to go in awhile and then he toodled off into the sunset to live at the river and water.
So. All day Sunday, I was trying to get the house ready for company and do some more wedding planning, and can I just pause and say that I am ready to stab this wedding to death? Sorry to sound violent, but I must speak my truth. Throughout the day, I was texting Auntie Dana, and our texts went something like this:
“My water is a light trickle with lots of air.”
“Oh, mine is now getting a bit stronger!”
“Check your water! I just did and I have excellent pressure!”
“Same here! Yay! I am going to finally get a shower in!”
“Hey, I just checked and I have absolutely zero water again.”
“Oh. Me, too.”
“Looks like EVERY SINGLE COW hath decided to come and get a drink of water, so we won’t have water again for awhile.”
And so on and so forth. It was a fun day. Makes you appreciate water.
Meanwhile, I am getting multiple texts from multiple people about wedding related issues and concerns and problems to solve, and one such new fun concern had a lot to do with Kate’s new puppy.
You may ask, “Taylor! Doesn’t Kate already have a puppy?!”
And I would reply, “Yes. Yes, in fact, she does. His name is Niko and he is all that is precious in this world. And I would presume I am now his official adoptive mom.”
You might also venture to ask, “Taylor! Did she plan out what was going to happen with this puppy during the wedding ahead of time?!”
And I would laugh and laugh at your silly little question, Reader. Because, no. There was no plan. There is no plan. But I guess the puppy is probably coming to our house, which is fine and great because we already have three dogs, so naturally it should be of no trouble to add a puppy to the house during this very peaceful and organized time.
After work yesterday, David swung by the house to install a new toilet. He had placed the old toilet in the shower for safekeeping while he installed the new one. Then he left the room for a bit to feed the cows, and while he was gone, LD came inside and looked like he had rolled around in dirt for 7 1/2 hours. And I was so proud because I didn’t even need to say a word, he just came up to me and said: “Mom. I think I need a shower.”
My boy! He is growing up!
Then he came back a bit later, very confused looking.
Me: “Dude! I thought you said you were going to take a shower! Let’s go! We have stuff to do!”
LD: Mom. Why is there a toilet in the shower?
And so, things are going great over here. Thank you for asking. No, I am not stressed. I haven’t been stressed. Not even when I checked the weather forecast this morning and saw that it had dropped from 93 and sunny to 76 and a 60% chance of rain with possible thunderstorms.
No. No problems here. I am cool as a cucumber over here, washing laundry in between cows drinking water, preparing for a puppy and houseguests and a wedding, and waiting for a call back from Bob to get HD some new glasses.
When last we spoke, I mentioned we had 40 days to plan a wedding for our oldest daughter, Kate.
As I write this now, we have 7 days left.
And I’m fine! Everything is fine. All is well. No stress at all.
I forgot to tell you in my last post that I, myself, also had a birthday. I am now extremely old and 42.
Four
Tee
Two
I also forgot to tell you that David and I celebrated our 23 wedding anniversary, if you can even believe such a thing. Because I am old, my children are growing up. Gone are the long summer days of me at home with kids trying to entertain them and keep them fed and keep the house clean.
The boys go to work everyday. The girls have moved out.
And, so. I decided to get a summer job for the first time ever. I am working at the front desk of the pediatric office Mother manages.
Let the records show: Had I known Kate was going to get engaged and I would have a wedding to plan, I would NOT have taken on a job.
But such is life.
Mother is set to retire in November, so this is the only summer we will be “coworkers.” And Friends, there is something you must know about Mother.
She is IMPORTANT.
Goodness gracious, she is like 5 feet of administrative domination over there. And the calls she gets! The calls! And I know because I answer the phones. So, I am taking messages and putting people on hold like a champ. And we coordinate our lunch breaks and we sit in the breakroom and try to work on planning a 40 day wedding. And let’s be honest:
Teller knows nothing about planning weddings. Teller is grateful for her 5 foot tall power house of a mom who has ideas and creative juices and things.
This wedding is a TotalTeamFamilyEffort and I am thankful for this family of mine.
Let’s talk about growing grass. More specifically, growing grass at the river property which is conveniently located over an hour away.
David and I are working like a Dream Team and headed to and fro, and David, the general mastermind that he is, has figured out how to get 9 different hoses on different timers and I have no idea what’s going on, but I do mow the lawn now with the riding lawnmower and that is something of note.
Let the records show: I will never go back to a pushmower again.
Sometimes we have to stay the night at the river mid week, and on those mornings, David sets his alarm for 2:30am to get to work on time.
We are surely dedicated to this grass.
On days that I am not putting calls on hold for Mother, I am at the river with the dogs mowing and watering,.
Here is the current “worst part” of the property-
When I look at that area, I feel nothing but discouragement. I have given my all. There is nothing left to give.
My dogs are precious and living their best summer life.
The puppy brothers are pro-champion swimmers, and Charlie has always been so scared of swimming. This summer is her bravest summer yet, and because I believe you all love them as much as I do, I am sharing with you this clip of Charlie beating her brothers to the floaty toy for the first time ever.
She’s quite a leapy swimmer. And I love her.
***
I have a garden this year and my corn is certainly something to write home about. NIko, who has a crush on me, follows me everywhere, and I snapped this snap of him sitting amongst the corn as I weeded.
I just LOVE weeding.
Earlier this summer, I hatched 9 chicks and all 9 are still alive. David had this great idea and made a little “hay house” for their brooder box and it seemed to be the best brooder box situation I have ever had. Now they jump out of their hay house and peck all around the property. Auntie Dana loves seeing them from her little porch and when the sun starts to set, they head back to their hay home.
***
And now, let us travel back in time to a moment that occured approximately 30 days ago in my very kitchen.
Kate (over speaker phone with Caleb): Mom. We have decided to ask the boys to be groomsmen.
Me: Oh, that’s great. Listen, I am going to need to do some preparing and discussions with them to make sure they are well-behaved.
Kate: Actually, Caleb and I were hoping to ask them together, right now, over the phone.
Me: Oh, Kate. You know they are going to be horrible.
Kate: Just have them come here.
Me: As you wish.
And so. I get the two yahoos upstairs to the kitchen. The following conversation is true and names might be changed to protect the incident.
Viewer discretion is advised.
HD: WHAT
Kate: Boys. Caleb and I have something to ask you. We want you to be groomsmen in our wedding.
LD: Fine. How much are we getting paid?
HD: Wait a minute! What is a groomsMAID?
LD: Who do I have to touch?
Me: Dude. It is not groomsMAID. It is groomsMAN. And one of you will probably walk down the aisle with Aunt Amy, and the other with Kate’s good friend, Sally.
LD (shouting): I CALL SALLY! SHE’S HOT!
Me: Kate, let’s put LD with Aunt Amy, please.
HD: Listen, what jobs do I have to do.
Me: You aren’t working. But you do have to wear a nice outfit.
HD: That’s it. I am out.
Me: No, you are doing this.
HD: BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT A GROOMSMAID DOES.
LD: I’ll do it, but I am not standing close to you two up there if you are going to kiss. Shaking hands only.
Me: Kate and Caleb, they are honored. Thank you for asking them.
***
I would like you all to know that I shall receive yet another jewel in my crown for helping David get an appropriate outfit for this wedding.
With his PERMISSION and KNOWLEDGE, I spent an entire day shopping for him and brought him home a few things only to have him be super difficult, want me to return EVERYTHING, and then try to find alternative clothing options on Facebook Marketplace.
David: Look! I can get some guy’s used belt and shoes for $12!
Me:
***
Me: David. You and the boys canNOT look like you are about to murder anyone during wedding photos.
David:
Me: David. You don’t have to be, like, grinning, but maybe a faint smile?
David:
Me: Please just don’t look like you want to murder anyone.
