The Lumberjack's Wife

LD sent this to me the other day.  It is his new and improved boy/man voice.  And I keep forgetting to ask him how he did this?

Technology.  Incredible.  I should figure some new tricks out, seeing as how I shall be a magical online teacher this year.

David and I went camping at the river property all by ourselves last night.  It was the most bestest camping trip ever because it was soooooo easy.

We got there.  We sat by the river and talked.

Then we decided to drive to a nearby town for dinner.  INSTEAD OF COOKING.

Ok.  Let us talk about this restaurant.  As far as I know this restaurant doesn’t have a name.  It is simply known as:

Store/Restaurant

And that is because it is a restaurant AND it also has some cans of pork and beans and chili you could purchase if you so desire.

Everyone at the restaurant is super friendly, including all the customers.  There was a gal who was tending the bar, a gal who was tending the restaurant and a guy somewhere in the back who was the cook.

The people at a table across from us starting chatting with us.  They asked where we lived.

Stranger:  Oh!  Are you farmers then?

David:  No, not at all.  I am an electrician.

And that left me in an utter state of confusion.  Because here are some pictures I have taken of our very home:

But that’s cool.

So.  We ate and visited.  I asked the lady working the restaurant when they close?  She said:

“Oh.  When we are done.”

And then the strangers chatted up with us a bit more and said they are done when the cook is done and he goes and sits at the bar.  And moments later, said cook came out to go and be done at the bar, right when hopeful customers had walked in.

He agreed to cook their meal.  Cheering ensued, proving once again, that not all heroes wear capes.

Later on, the bartender gal, who was bussing tables with a five gallon bucket, plopped the bucket on the table and joined us.  Then there was a lively conversation about what butcher you should take your fresh game meat to and who keeps it clean and who makes the best summer sausage and who has a moose tag and, readers, I truly felt like I could not contribute to that conversation.

So, I didn’t.

We drove back to camp and, I kid you not, we were in bed by 8:30pm.

We slept until 7am!  And then we had like four cups of coffee each and didn’t even make breakfast.

Next, I “helped” David with a water pump project he was working on.

David:  Can you hand me the Sawzall?

Me:  Yup!

And, Friends.  Hand it to him I did!  And I knew what it was without asking.  And, Friends.  I bought him a Sawzall back in 2000 for our first Christmas together.  I remember because he was trying to get me to understand what the purpose of a Sawzall was.

David (talking slowly and enunciating):  BECAUSE IT SAWS . . . ALL.

Me:  It saws all?

David:  IT SAWS . . . ALL.

Anyways.  I handed him the Sawzall.

Me:  David!  Is this the very same one I bought you for our first Christmas?

David:  Nope.

Me:  Oh.  Darn.  Did that one break or something?

David:  Nope.  It is at home.  I use it to saw pigs in half.

So that was a pleasant thought.

After we worked on the pump, I made us a lovely lunch and we sat by the river and ate it.

Eventually, we had to return home to-

The Children.

As soon as we got into service, our phones were inundated with text message alerts and phones calls from the aforementioned children.

To prepare ourselves to face them again, we helped ourselves to an ice cream cone on our way home.

Happy Sunday!

Here are two words I do not believe I ever heard before August 1, 2020:

Synchronous

Asynchronous

And now, both words are spoken to me no less than 47 times a day.  Have those words always been around, or were they created for teachers for such a time as this?

Alright.

I am back to work!  I am still not confident in my ability to tell you that I know what is going on.  And I have found a new GIF to reflect my feelings for you:

I feel it accurately portrays my current mood.

Before, I felt like this:

Kind of an excited, anticipatory type of confusion.

Now, I have accepted my confusion and am much calmer about my stress.  Plus I am eating snacks to soothe me.

Good times.

The boys and I went and did “The Family Interview” at their new Christian school.  Naturally, I had to bribe them and told them if they behaved well they could have a Dutch Bros.

They knocked it out of the park, Friends.

So.  I upgraded their treat to a 4 for $4 from Wendy’s.  Which in retrospect, is most likely cheaper than Dutch Bros.  The boys seem a bit happier about their new school decision and the new principal won them over when he told them they would be allowed to eat a snack for five whole minutes at the beginning of third period.

HD:  That’s pretty cool about that snack thing, huh?

LD:  Yeah.  Pretty cool deal.

And just like that, they are ok with things.

***

Kate started her senior year, if you can believe such a thing.

Here she is with Tank the Dog.  Tank has been around for many of her first day of school pics.  Such as this one from Homeschooling 2012

And this one from last year:

We tried to get him on the deck for this year’s photo, but it was too scary for him.

***

Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . .

Let us have an animal update.

1.  Babe the weaner pig lives!
2. Mama Hen and the 8 little chicks also live!
3. Ep the new bull arrived on our property:

He is very full of pride in himself and his manliness.

Mama Cat moved the kittens and I cannot reach them.  She enjoys drinking water from our water fountain.

I like her.

Toodle-oo.

Me every morning:  I am going to eat healthy and make good choices!

Me every night before bed:  Yum! Ice cream!  I am ok with being a bit chubby.

Let’s talk about the cute puppy, Charlie.  The girl puppy with the boy name.

She is crazy.  And this is how she likes to sleep.

She has a chewing problem.  She likes attention, so she runs along and grabs things and tries to play keep away with the humans.  The biggest problem is that she doesn’t usually do this in the presence of a human.  So, therefore, she has destroyed many things, like:

Two different vacuum cords

MANY cell phone chargers

Two Chrome book chargers

HD’s glasses on multiple occasions

Stuffed animals

Socks

Carpet

My wireless ear buds (!)

And, friends, she even chewed Ophelia.  Kate’s stuffed elephant from boyfriend, Auggie.

This was no bueno, Friends.

Anyways.  She found HD’s drone charger and was chewing on it and it literally exploded in the house.  Kate and I were the only ones home and smoke started spewing out of the thing.  We were screaming, naturally, and the house filled with smoke and the smoke alarms went off.

It was of comfort to know they worked so efficiently.

I had to throw it outside as it was still smoking.  It burned the carpet.  It was unfortunate.

Also.  Do you remember me telling you one of Mama’s four kittens died?  Well, I wasn’t sneaky enough in my disposal of the kitten.   Charlie has found it and keeps dropping it around the house.  But when I try to get it, she moves it again.  I think it is back outside, but I am really not sure.  Creepy.

I have to tell you something David did.  You might not like him very much after I tell you this story.

He did something very rude.

He killed Waylon the bull this morning.

I know.  I know.  I have been mad at him all day.  I was also trying to avoid looking out all windows this morning because I didn’t want to see any of the action go down.  HD went and got the scoop from David and told me way too much detail about the death than I wanted to know.

I didn’t see or talk to David until a few hours after the MURDER.

Me:  So, did you hurt Waylon’s feelings?

David:  What?

Me:  Did you hurt his feelings?

David:  I don’t now.

Me:  Are the cows upset?

David:  They don’t seem to care.

Me:  I bet they do.  You killed their husband.

David:  He wasn’t their “husband.”  I think we need to talk about raising cows and life.

Me:  Yes, he was.  And he was a nice fellow who never did anything wrong to you.  I need to just not like the cows.

David:  I am going to buy another bull right now.  And you won’t even be able to tell the difference between him and Waylon.

Me:  Well, what do I even name the new bull?  Waylon was a great name.

David:  Name him “Ep.”  Ep is the name of the sheriff off The Walton’s. You know.  Like “there’s a new sheriff in town?”

So.  David is out bull shopping.  And I am still mad at him.

Oh.  And it gets worse.

Waylon is coming home to us packaged as ground hamburger and I shall be expected to cook him.

Rude.

Oh a much happier note, look what I came across when I was watering some plants today:

A mother hen hatched 8 little chicks all by herself!

It made me feel better about Waylon.  A little.

And then there’s this guy:

The sole survivor of The Great PigVenture of 2020.  You know.  When we bought and resold 350 weaner pigs?  By choice?

I decided to name it.  Babe.  Still don’t know if it is a boy Babe or a girl Babe.  Don’t know.  Don’t care.  Maybe I will care later.  But I am impressed that it is still alive.

Good.  Job.  Babe.

We made yet another decision regarding the school year.  We are going to put the boys into a Christian school.  The school is very close to my new school and isn’t “planning” on doing any remote learning at this time.

The boys are not happy about this situation at all.

I had to start their applications.  Part of the application process has a section where they want the students to answer some questions.

Me:  Ok.  First question.  Why do you want to go to this school?

HD:  Tell them my parents put a gun to my head and are forcing me to.

Stand down, Readers!  No firearms were used in the new school decision.

There was, however, a firearm used this morning in the Waylon decision.

Rude.

Me:  Ok.  Second question.  Who is Jesus Christ to you?

HD (mumbling):  He is Jesus.

Me:  Anything else?

HD:  He was a man.

LD can sense that I am feeling over it, so he decides to take the higher road.

LD:  He is the Lord of the Heavens and the Earth and he will save us all from death!

Me:  Winner!

Just kidding.  I didn’t say that.  Or did I?

Next, I had to break it to the dudes that their new school would be requiring uniforms.

Yay!

And then I got to take them shopping at Old Navy for the aforementioned uniforms.

Double yay!

HD is just being a pill and a half.  He is making rude comments left and right, so I have to start fining him and he racked up a couple dollars in “rudeness fines.”

Rudeness fines.  It is a thing I made up.  Feel free to steal it.  I am obviously rearing two fine young gentlemen, so I can see how you would want to use my tricks.

LD, once again, was taking the higher road.  And I greatly appreciated him for it.  He was 100% not thrilled about the uniform situation, but he cooperated and even tried stuff on.

And when LD would show me the duds, HD would mock him.

Yes.  MOCK HIM.

Me:  That will be $5 in rudeness fines!

LD is bigger than HD.  I was trying to get HD to try on some shorts but he refused.  So, I was also being mature.

Me:  Fine.  But don’t get mad at me if all the shorts are too big and they fall off of you when you are running around!

HD:  Don’t care.

I didn’t really realize that there were multiple steps to this application process at the Christian School.

And I was informed that we have to have a “Family Interview.”

I am sure that will go over swimmingly.

And, yes.  I feel for the boys, I really do.  I didn’t want to leave my job and I know they didn’t want to leave their school, but we just couldn’t have them at home alone in charge of their education for three days a week.  It would just not work out, you know?

Stupid Coronavirus.

Alright.  Here’s a cute, sleeping kitten.

I start my new job tomorrow!

Me:  Dude.  It looks like you have way too much hay.

David:  Nope.  Still need more.

You may ask, “Taylor!?  Why does he need so much hay?”

And I will reply:

And can we please be impressed that I inserted a GIF into a blog post?  And do you say gif with the hard g or soft g sound?  Because according to PHONICS, the g says “j” before e,i, and y.  So if should be a “JIF.”

That GIF is now the anthem of my life.  People are asking me questions and I truly do not have the answer for them.

Taylor?  What will the boys be doing this school year?

Taylor? What exactly will your new job look like?

I had to pack up my classroom.  This was tricky because:

A)  I do not know when I will have a classroom again

B)  I do not know what I exactly need to keep for this new job

C)  I do not know where to put all the contents of my classroom

Half of my classroom has been donated/tossed in the garbage.  The other half can be found in one of three locations:

My living room:

My entire SUV all the way up to the front seats:

And my front porch:

I had a note written on the easel.  It read:  “Taylor is hopeful this easel can go with her to eschool.”  And I added a friendly smiley face.  But teachers like their things and teachers do not want to lose their things.  And if I left that in an empty classroom for awhile-someone might TAKE it.

Full disclosure:  I did not buy this easel.  In fact, I have no idea where it came from.  But when I first arrived at the building, someone had stuck it in the hallway next to the “share” table and it has been “mine” ever since.  Because sharing is caring.  But I will not share this easel.

Taylor!  Will you even need an easel for your new position?

So.  I moved out of my classroom and turned in my keys.

And I gave my photo to the office gals so they could hang it on the wall so no one would forget me.  Because maybe I will come back?  Next year?

So, this is all very strange, very odd, exciting, and disconcerting.

But, anyways.  Let’s talk about cats now.

Mama Kitty is residing in a laundry hamper/beach towel situation in our master bathtub, along with her kittens.  LD and I are the only people who really care about our feline friends.  The boys and I were about to leave for town and I was putting all the animals away in their “spots.”

HD had left the bathroom door open and Mama Kitty was gone.  I also noticed that he, as per his usual custom, left a couple of drawers open, because my kids apparently were never taught how to ever close a drawer or cabinet after they use it.

So, I close everything up and announce that we cannot leave until Mama is found.  Because if she is outside and we shut her out, then who will feed the little kittens?

So we search high and low.  For quite awhile.  And then LD hears her.  She had gotten into a drawer when it was left open and I shut her in.  So that could have been problematic.

One of her kittens has died, so now she has three.

Taylor!?  What happened to the kitten?  Why did it die?

Like most mothers in America, I have been wondering:

What is going on with school this year?

It is my understanding that some schools have already started, which is coco-nuts.  We do not start until after Labor Day.

A couple of weeks ago, our district announced a color zone plan with four colors: green, yellow, orange, and red.

Yes, I am a teacher, but for the purposes of this post, please imagine me as a parent.  Which shouldn’t be hard, because I play one in real life.

Thank you.

Me:  Ok, David.  As long as we aren’t in orange, we should be A-OK with the boys.

David:  Sounds good.

Me:  We are in yellow now.  The boys and I will be at school/at home the same days as long as we are in green, yellow, and red.  But not orange!  Orange will be no bueno!

David:  Sounds good.

So, we were tootling along in yellow when out of nowhere, they switched us to start the year in orange.

!

Orange!  The one zone that does not work well for me.  You may ask, “Taylor, why is orange zone so bad?”  And I will tell you.

We live about 45 minutes from town.  If we are in orange, I will be at school in town teaching five days a week and the boys will only be in town two days a week.  The other three days they will be at home distance “learning.”

Also, for the purposes of this post, you will notice I am not concerned about the girls.  That is because I am not.  Which sounds harsh, but they are older and drive and are responsible and I don’t need to worry about them for the orange zone.  Which is good because the orange zone has brought me enough angst.

You have heard about my boys right?  Like, you are familiar with them?

Me to David:  Do you really think those two yahoos are going to be diligent with their online learning from home without a parent to oversee them?

David:  Probably not.

Me:  They will be watching TV and eating ice cream.  And meatballs.

David:  Probably.

So, now I must stress.  And when I stress, I eat unhealthy and my sleep is all messed up and my stomach hurts.  So that’s been going well for me the past few days.

Also new to our district is an upcoming eSchool.  Which sounds so hip and modern, don’t you think?

Me:  David!  I can teach with the eSchool and enroll the boys in eSchool and we will all be home!

David:  Sounds good.

Please understand that David is not as concerned about this as I am.  But he is concerned that our bull, Waylon, is not as manly as he had hoped, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.  Wink, wink. He is thinking of replacing him.  So that’s probably what he is thinking about while I am stress eating about THE ORANGE ZONE.

So then I have to stress about applying to the eSchool.  Because I love the school I work at and all my teacher friends and past students.  Also, I get all nervous about interviews AND what if I don’t get the job AND what if I do get the job and have to switch schools?

So, I interviewed.  It was over The Google Meets.  I sent this pic to my teacher gal pals when I was all done:

David:  Why would you dress up?

Me:  Because it was an interview?

David:  Huh.

?

So in the process of applying for the eSchool job, I became really excited about it and felt like it would be a fun new challenge.

And then, they announced the eTeachers of the eSchool would be meeting in a building and NOT working from home.

Which was the purpose of me applying.

So, as you can imagine, I began to stress eat again and forgo sleeping at night.

Because this school year is already one wild ride, I tell ya.

The eSchool will add 15 minutes each way to my drive, which is the last thing I need in life, but we have some options because it is very close to my parents’ house and there is also a private school nearby that we might put the boys in.  Because I feel like the boys are in need of a guardian of some sort?

I really don’t know.  I don’t know what I am doing.  I don’t know anything.

So after many calories, and zero sleep, I decided that I double love first grade.  So, if eSchool offers me first grade, I will take it, and if not, I will stay in my building and teach first grade.

But please let the records show:  I have no idea what the boys will be doing.  In any scenario.  Because I am a with-it Mother.

So, they offered me the job.  And I took it.

Well, dang.  It looks like I even got a stress zit above my lip.

So, now I will deal with what is best for the boys and start to pack up my classroom.  Also, David told me all my teacher friends will no longer be my friends, so that made me sad.  But I think they will still like me.

Watch.  After I did all this, they will move us back to yellow.  AND IT WILL ALL BE FOR NAUGHT.

I just can’t.

Anyways.  That’s that.

Oh, and David is surely thrilled because I moved Mama and her four kittens into the bathroom so I can visit and love them.

Yes.  I know her ear is messed up.  We have been through this already.  Remember?  I took her to the vet?  They wanted $600 to fix the ear?  And then they tried to tell me they had fixed her?  Does she look fixed?  She looks about as fixed as her ear looks fixed.

Mama Kitty.  She is such a good Mama.  Maybe she knows what I should do about this ORANGE ZONE debacle.

We went camping at the river last weekend to celebrate David’s 40th birthday.

40!  Can you believe it?

!

Jason and Amy came.  It is the first time we have seen them since their move.

Remember Jason?

Let’s talk about teens, shall we?

How much sleep is normal for teens?  On average?  Because apparently my teens need like 18 hours a day.

We went river floating in a large group.  One important thing to remember when doing things in a large group is to make sure you stay with the group.

Normally, I float with David in our partially deflating raft down the river.  But we were kind and lent that to Jason and Amy with their two youngest children.

Me:  If you start to sink, just hurl the children into my hard shelled kayak and then fight to save yourselves!

We are safety first kind of group.

Poor Jason was on the not so full of air end of the raft.  He ended up looking like he was reenacting the boat scene from the movie, “Tommy Boy.”

Anyways.  I decided to do a headcount, seeing as how I am the mother of four and should be aware of where they are at all times.  I discovered that one teen, who shall remain nameless, was not with the group.

So I have to use all of my muscles and paddle upstream, which I am not genetically designed for.  I locate the teen.  She is completely asleep and her tube is stuck alongside a bank.

Me:  Please wake up.

Teen:  Huh?

Me:  You really need to stay alert when traveling on the water.

Teen:  Gosh, Mom.  I didn’t KNOW I fell asleep.  Sheesh.

So, I had to tow her.  So I would not lose her.

It was joyous to see Jason and Amy again, along with their children who ooze preciousness.

We were even delighted to see a mother moose and her twin babies cross the river.

Nature.

For evening time, we headed to David’s parents camp, as they were camping elsewhere.  We were there to celebrate David turning the big 4-0.  As you can imagine, he was thrilled.

Amy and I fancied a glass of wine for the evening festivities.  Like a true, classy camper, I had lugged along my Costco Cabernet in a box that I keep fresh with a gallon Ziplock bag.

Me:  If you want some wine, I’ve got cab in the cab.

Oh my goodness, how tickled I was with how clever I was.

Cab in the cab.

Get it?  The CAB of the truck.

Oh.  So punny.

David would not tell me what he wanted for his birthday.  And then he got online and bought a meat saw and told me he just bought his present.  And I am just horrified wondering what he needs a meat saw for?

Thoughts?

Here is a cute picture of 13 day old Sam:

Happy Monday!

My goodness!  I am flattered by all the compliments on my arrow sign.  You shouldn’t have!  And yes, it is darling, thank you for noticing.

I took HD in to the eye glass clinic.

*sigh*

I don’t know if you have been keeping up with the saga that is HD’s glasses this year, but let me tell you, it has surely been a treat.

The puppy has eaten them three times since February, and a more “with it” parent, I could not be.

Anyways, I made him just live with the chewed up lenses because the puppy got to the lenses in June (I think) and I knew he would have a prescription change in August.  And I was correct.

So, we went to the eye glass clinic and I searched for Bob.  You remember Bob, right?  Sure you do.

Bob was not there.

A nice lady helped us.  She was kind and seemed to throw no shade at me or my son and our failures as eye glass customers.

HD, who suffers from, “I am in middle school and awkward and I am way too embarrassed to talk to adults in public”-itis, started whispering to me that the strap was wrong.

Nice Lady overheard:  Is there a problem?

Me:  Oh.  Well, he doesn’t care for the strap that came with these glasses and last year, Bob-um does Bob still work here?

Nice Lady:  Yes!  He is just on vacation.

Me:  Oh, good.  Well, Bob found him a smaller strap from a different pair of glasses, but the puppy ate that and I think HD was hoping for something similar, if possible.

Nice Lady:  Understandable!  Let us just leave a little note here for Bob and we will have him look into it when he returns.

Me:  Thank you!  Yes, Bob is great.  He has been helping HD since he was six months old.

Nice Lady:  Yes, I have heard Bob speak of this fine young man.

Well, what?!  Score.  And I thought for a moment that nice lady could be Mrs. Bob, on account of how accommodating she was, but then I thought, Nah, she would probably be on vacation with him if that were so.

Let the records show:  We are fans of Bob.  And now, Mrs. Bob.  Who is most assuredly, not Mrs. Bob.

***

The other night, I declared myself “done” for the night and made David in charge on account of being over it and feeling stressed about the upcoming school year.

What IS going to happen with school?  Do you know?  I don’t.

I informed David he was in charge.  Love doing that.  I am sure he loves it, too.

David (shouting at LD):  Dude!  Get outside!  Your lambs are loose and the puppy is chasing them all around the property!

I enjoyed not caring about the ordeal.

***

The boys and I distracted Mama Kitty with a hearty helping of kibble and a bowl of water.  Then HD lifted the couch so we could see the new baby kittens.  We found five, but one was oh-so-dead, so we have four kittens living under the couch.

And are we surprised that something has died here on this property?  No.  No, we are not.

***

Speaking of death, remember the two weaner pigs that were left and David wanted to house them with the giant, horrific pigs?

Well, one of them died soon after we moved them to live with the lambs.  We don’t know why.  Just walked out there, and there it was:  dead.

Shocking.

Its companion pig was not looking good for a long time.  But it stayed with the lambs and I would visit him/her daily.  I am not interested in this pig enough to genderify it yet.

Hadley has a friend named Lily.  Lily is often here and she is always uber respectful to me, so I torture the poor girl and have her do things for me because I know she won’t give me attitude.

Me:  Lily, go take these food scraps and give them to the dying pig.

Lily:  What, huh?

Me:  Please feed these to the baby pig who is about to die.

Lily:  How do I know which one is the dying pig?

Me:  Go out there.  Find the lambs.  There should be a sickly looking pig living with them.

Lily:  Got it, Mrs. Taylor!

She calls me Mrs. Taylor.  An upstanding young woman.

I am pleased to report that sickly pig is on the up and up!  He/She is now running all around and weaving in and out of the lamb pen, the steer pen, and the giant/horrific pig pen.  A lot more energy, a lot more spunk.

If I name it or determine its gender, it will most assuredly die, so we will hold off on that for now.

***

Yes!  Reader Lisa got it correct.

You have to add the “k” to panic when adding -ing because it will turn the C into soft c.  Soft C makes the s sound.

The “c” says “s” before e,i, and y.

And don’t say I never taught you anything.

***

The Money Piece.

This is not a naughty thing, so keep your minds out of the gutter please.

Haircut Lisa and I decided that I should not do any color near my roots because, well, she knows me and she knows I am going to start teaching soon, and we all know when Taylor teaches that is ALL she can handle.  So, who knows when I will be in again, and we cannot have nasty root growth, you know?

So she did a technique called “balayage” and then added “the money piece.”

I think it is just a couple of pieces around your face to highlight/frame your face?  I don’t know.  I live on a farm.  I had to take a selfie for you to see it and I really dislike taking selfies.

The only person in my family who likes my hair is Little Dude.

#winning

The other night, David’s mother calls him.  She is a nice woman.  We all love and cherish her.  She is not overbearing by any means, nor does she call too often.  She is a peach!

We give her two thumbs up!

Anyways, sometimes she chats a bit.  And David isn’t super chatty.  And would you like to know what he did?

I will tell you.

He put her on speaker phone and then looked at Craigslist’s Farm and Garden section while she prattled on.  Occasionally, he would say,

“Mmm-hmmm.”

“Oh, yeah?”

So, naturally, I started beating him with a pillow and mouth-yelled at him that he was being a rude son to his nice mother.  Because she is nice.

Hadley:  What’s the big deal, Mom?  Sometimes you talk too much and I get bored and look at Instagram.

For shame.

I suppose David’s shenanigans are an upgrade from the days of yore.  He went through a darling phase where he would just hand the phone to me and leave while his mother was in the middle of a story.  And when she would pause and wait for his obligatory, “mmm-hmmm,” I would have to sheepishly say,

“Oh, Hi!  It’s Taylor now.  David had to go.”

Which was not rude or awkward on our part AT ALL.

***

I feel like I did not get enough commendations and/or applause for my new arrow sign.  So, then I thought to myself,

“Taylor.  Maybe the people don’t fully understand the coolness of your new arrow sign?”

So, I am giving you another chance.

Look at my arrow sign:

Do you see how there is a cow hanging off of it?

I CAN CHANGE THAT.  IT DOESN’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A COW.  It could be a pig or a chicken.  Or not an animal at all, like a sign or maybe something that is Merry Christmas-y in nature.

Hadley:  Why is that there?

Me:  For decoration.

Hadley:  But, why?

Me:  Because I like it.

Hadley:  But why would you buy it?

***

I now think Miss America is a fine mother, one worthy of praise.  Sam is a darling.  Here he is tucked underneath her safely as she feasts.

Can we not all agree that he is precious?

***

Can we not all agree that we have no idea what school is going to look like this year?

***

Mama Kitty had kittens again.  And I had a couple hours of doubting her and her mothering.  Kind of like I doubted Miss America, which is strange because it’s not like I am over here winning any “Mothering Awards.”

I decided to try and find her yesterday morning, and I could not.  This is not extremely rare, as she is a cat and does what she wishes.  I went down to our storage room, where I keep the litter box and food and such, and as I was leaving, I heard a faint meowing.

!

I had to search high and low and even get out a ladder AND a flashlight.  And you would not believe how hard it is to locate a working flashlight WITH batteries in this house.  It is a disgrace, honestly.

So I found those kittens, who were unreachable.  And I left and panicked, because Mama was nowhere to be found.  I even called David.

Me:  David!  Did you watch the kitten video?

David:  Yup.

Me:  Are kittens falling down in there?  Are they stuck in the walls?  IS MAMA STUCK IN THE WALLS?

David:  Don’t think so.

So, we hang up, and I try not to panic, but I am panicking.  And do you know why I have to add a “K” to the end of panic when I am adding the -ing ending?  I do.  Because I teach foundational skills reading.  But that’s off topic.

So, I check again and not only are those kittens still in that high space, I find one tucked into insulation.  Like so:

And I saved it.  And I tried to find Mama, but I could not and there was like surround sound meowing all around me.  So I put the insulation kitten in a basket with a towel in the same room as the others, hoping Mama will return.

Me:  David!  I found another kitten!

David:  Good job.

Me:  It still has part of the umbilical cord attached.  And I am thinking I need you to stop by North 40 and look for kitten bottles and formula!

David:  Well, calm down.  Mama is probably still birthing.

Me:  Oh, right.

David:  How many litters of babies has she had?

Me:  Lots.  You are right she is a good Mama.

So, I try to chill and go about my day.  When out of nowhere, Mama just walks up to me and is like, “Oh, hello, I have had a busy morning and may I have some food and water?”

And I scooped her up and loved her and apologized for doubting her mothering skills.

Mama is like a Ninja cat.  Somehow she managed to get all of her kittens out of the storage room, upstairs to the main floor right past humans, 4 dogs, and 2 other cats, and sneak her litter under the couch in the loft.  And I have no idea how many she has, but I love her and I am so glad she is in charge and not I.

***

I got my hair done by Haircut Lisa today.  I decided to add color for the first time in many years.  Also, I would like to report/gloat that I still don’t have gray hair.

Anyways, she did a technique called “Balayage” and added some highlights around my face and told me they were called “The Money Piece.”

And she and I decided that someone like me definitely needs hair called “The Money Piece” to impress the kittens she is searching for.

I don’t have time to do anymore pictures!  I am supposed to be making dinner.

FOR MY FAMILY.

PS  Hadley just told me she thinks there are kittens stuck in the wall downstairs.

Super.