The Lumberjack's Wife

Reader.  Do you recall that we got new tires on my car?  Right before David hit a deer?

Reader.  My car is still not repaired.

Reader.  I was having to drive the ginormous flatbed duelly diesel truck.

Reader.  David fixed the old Subaru.

Reader.  Did you know we had an old Subaru?

Reader.  We have an old Subaru.

David fixed it.  The boys are embarrassed to be seen in it, but I am loving this new life of parking with ease and filling up my gas tank for $26.42.

Me:  David.  I kind of like driving the Subaru!  I am saving a ton in gas!

David:  Great.

Me:  Although I have no idea what the status is of the tires or if the oil needs to be changed.

David:  Oh.  It needs new tires.  I am surprised you haven’t had a blow out.

Me:  !

Me:  David!  I do not want to have a blow out!  It is one of my biggest fears.  Can I get new tires?

David:  No.

And then I went to sleep.

Why did David say no?  That is the question inquiring minds want to know.  Here is a list of possible reasons:

1.  He heard from the mechanic and my car will be ready soon.  So why buy new tires?
2. He knows a guy who wants to trade half a beef and a full pig for a half used set of tires and he would rather go that route.
3. He thinks he can get a smokin’ deal on Craigslist.
4. He was messing with me and the tires really are not all that bad.

So.  The next day.

The next day, I call him and tell him I do not want a blow out.  He said he thinks he found a deal on tires for about $200 but they are like an hour away and he doesn’t know when he can get them.

And, Reader.  Would you like to know what I did?  Because I am almost 40?

I took the car and got BRAND NEW tires put on it for $363.

Because, ain’t nobody got time for that.

I did take care of this all by myself.  I am proud of me for figuring out tire sizes and calling the tire shop and having my dear teacher friends drive me to the tire shop and return me.

One problem:  I had arranged for the tires to be at a completely different tire shop.  Like an hour north of me.

Oops.

Tire shop dude was nice and worked it out.  Happy Endings.

Ok.  I teach online school  Online school provided me with a headset. A headset is necessary for my job as I am in a room with three other teachers and it can get loud.

Provided headset is sooooooooooooo uncomfortable.

So, I ordered a new one off of Amazon.

Also.  I ordered blue light glasses, because they seem to be all the rage these days.

I tried the head set on and it was like heaven on my ears.

And my boys were like:

Oh.  Ok.  Hi, Gamer.

David told me I was a total dork.

Sister Meagan said I look like I should work for Air Traffic Control.

Hadley said:

Mom.  What are you doing?

And now, dear Readers.  Who can recommend a comfy, yet fashionable headset for Taylor, the online teacher?

Please advise.

P.S.

I love Rio.

The end.

Awhile back, I purchased a used bedroom set and I double love it.  David does not love it when I purchase things that require him to assemble.  But I don’t love it when he purchases things that I fall in love with and he butchers.  So.  Even Steven.

Anyways.  We got this bed and we put it together, but he didn’t want to screw it all together properly.  And what did I care?

So.  Last weekend, we were on said bed.  And it totally broke.  Like we fell in.

Apparently we caused quite the ruckus, because Kate walked in and scolded us.

Kate: WHAT were you two DOING?

Me:  I was watching “Call the Midwife” and eating a tasty snack.  Dad was asleep.

She sighed and helped pull us up out of the mess, then walked away thoroughly disgusted with us.  We got the bed all set up again.

We did not properly screw it all together.  We are hoping to scar our teens again soon.

***

HD had his surgery today.  He did very well with it.  He was pretty funny coming out of anesthesia, but not as coco-nuts as his sister, Kate.

He really wanted to go to his favorite coffee stand.  Which, surprisingly, is not Dutch Bros.

Me:  Do you want a mocha granita?

HD (panicked):  What time is it?

Me:  11:30am

HD:  The granita special isn’t on until 2pm.  I prefer the frappucino, but if it is after 2pm, I order the granita so I can save my family money.  So, frappucino please.

Well, right on, HD.

He also required two chocolate donuts.  One with sprinkles and one without.  I obliged.

Sadly, HD needs to be in a splint for four weeks and not use the hand for six weeks.  This will be a challenge, seeing as how he is David’s mini-me.

He already cannot handle it and went to water the lamb and he even vacuumed.  He is determined to do things one handed.

HD:  Mom, in a way I am really lucky.

Me:  Why is that?

HD:  I didn’t really cut my hand all that bad.

Me:  Oh, yeah?

HD:  Yeah.  Because the knife I cut myself with is one that Dad uses to cut through bones.

*shudder*

And, finally, HD likes to dictate emails for me to send to his teachers.  He is very specific on the wording and I am not allowed to say that he cut his hand without including that he cut it while butchering pigs.  For fear people will think he was trying to harm himself.

Here is an example of an email he would have me write:

Dear Mr. ________

On Saturday, HD was helping his Dad butcher pigs.  For meat.  He accidentally cut the top of his hand and has to have surgery.  He cannot use both of his hands.  How would you like him to type papers for you?

Thank you.

He is very stressed out about typing.  And tying shoes.

While he was in surgery, I ordered him some new Nike slides so he wouldn’t have to worry about shoelaces for awhile.

David would scoff at my indulgence of the boy.  But I don’t care.  Because I am almost 40 and my baby boy cut his hand on a knife his father uses to CUT THROUGH BONES and had to have surgery.

The boy gets new Nike slides.

And two pairs of nice socks.

Fun fact:  My mother calls slides, “sliders.”

Me:  Mom, a slider is a sandwich.

Mom:  And that shoe your kids like.

Me:  No.  Just a sandwich.

Happy Tuesday

Pig butchering day was Saturday.  I have never been a fan of pig butchering day.  And here is a comprehensive list why:

1.  It is morbid.
2. It is disgusting.
3. Pigs scream.  A lot.
4. The dogs want to go outside.  But the dogs cannot go outside because then when they come inside, they smell like pig death.  Ask me how I know.
5. One time David threw pig kidneys at me and I am still not over it.

So.  Pig butchering day.  I try and be proactive and let all FOUR dogs out before the slaying begins.  And David likes to slay pigs bright and early.  Like before 5am.

He had to butcher five pigs and it was taking a long time, as pig butchering is wont to do.  The dogs were going nuts.  Absolutely nuts.

Mostly Charlie and Abbie.

This was them looking out the bedroom window.

All.

Morning.

Long.

Whine.  Bark.  Pant. Whine.  Repeat.

Who wants to be inside folding laundry with Mom when Dad is BUTCHERING PIGS?

HD woke up and threw on his work coat and went out to help David.

He came back in momentarily and he was bleeding.

HD is uber dramatic and so at first I was playing it cool and was like,

Ok.  Calm down.  Sit down.  I will be right with you.

And he was like:  Oh, mom, I might faint.  This isn’t good.

And I was like:  Chill.

And then I looked at it.

Me:  Dude.  This is not good.  We need to go to the doctor.

So, I drove him to town.  Because David was still MURDERING pigs.  And on the way to town, HD expressed to me that his biggest fear in life was being put to sleep for surgery and not waking up.  And I assured him that stitches would not involve him being put to sleep.

And we went to urgent care and we were there for an hour and a half and it was decided that he needed to go to the ER because he had cut a tendon.

So we went to the ER and were there for an hour and a half and it was confirmed that he had a cut tendon and could I please follow up with the hand surgeon on Monday.

Sunday.

On Sunday, David needed help sorting cows and helping with the corral.

Me:  I will sort cows, because I love them.  I am not interested in helping with the corral.

David:  How about you sort cows and then you only have to help with the corral until lunch.

Me:  Ok, deal.

So, we go sort cows.  And not to toodle my own horn or anything but I am amazing at sorting cows.  I think it is because I spend so much time with them?  I am like one with them?  I am far better than David and the boys at this.  So I got the cows sorted lickety split.

But, bad news for me.  Because that meant I had to spend more time on the corral.

HD was working with one hand and was paired with David.

LD was paired with me.

And can I say that my boys are amazing?  They know how to do many things.  Things I do not understand.  Things their father taught them.  And LD was loving being a teacher to me and me following him around like a puppy.

I took HD to the doctor today. He will have surgery tomorrow.  And they will put him to sleep.  He is very nervous.  I am very tired.  Luckily, I have an amazing 1st grade team at work and they have TOTALLY got my back.  Life is easy as a teacher when you have an amazing team.

After we saw the hand surgeon, we got the call that HD’s glasses were in.  Bob was kind as usual and helped us not feel like complete and utter losers.

And somehow the glasses that we were expecting to pay full price for-you know, because they were at the bottom of a river?-somehow the insurance paid in full.

Keep HD in your prayers.  He is very nervous for tomorrow.

Thanks, Friends.

Yes, hello.  I was in bed by five pm last night, and here are today’s top stories.

1.  My brain.  My brain has melted into a puddle of Jell-O.  I mean, right now I am ok.  Because it is 4:30am and I am drinking coffee.  But in 12 hours:  J-E-L-L-O.
2. Let us discuss Monday morning, shall we?  Allow me to set the scene:

Four nervous 1st grade teachers are sitting in a room.  Wearing headsets because they could not be more professional.  We are getting ready to go live for the first time with our new classes of 2020-2021.  Kiddos are in our Zoom virtual waiting rooms.  We all look at each other and agree to allow them in at the same time.

Please imagine:  Four nervous, quiet adults.

Said adults push a button on a computer.

Now imagine:  Four animated and bubbly teachers welcoming students into our virtual classrooms.

“Hello!  Welcome!  Hi!  Good Morning!”

It was loud.  It was happy.  And it was just what these teachers needed after weeks of planning and wondering:  students.

Five minutes in, the entire building of our school lost internet.  At the same time.

It came on later, and has been working fine ever since, but it was a great first impression, no?
3.  For reasons I do not understand, we do not have very many telephones at our school.  So, when a parent needs tech support and would like us to call, we have to walk over to a different building where I know 3 phones exist.  And we have to try and commandeer a phone.

4.  I had a parent.  She was STRUGGLING.  A phone call was necessary.  I gather my things and traipse into the principal assistant office and ask to use her phone.  She regrets to inform me that her phone is not working and I should just use the principal’s phone.

5.  Can we take a minute to be impressed with the technology set up at our new online only school?

6.  The principal man was not in his office.  He has many things that look important all over his desk.

Me:  Are you sure it is ok if I just go in there and sit at his desk?

Assistant Principal:  Yes, it is fine.

So.  I go in and sit down and make the phone call.

7.  The mother is very excited that I have called and she asks me to wait because she is on the toilet and needs to finish up.

8.  As I am waiting the principal walks in.  He looks a bit surprised to see someone sitting at his desk.  And rightfully so.  Because I am not even sure he knows who I am.  Because I work mostly with the principal assistant.  And I think if I was in a line up of like 5 people and he was asked to pick out the person who works at his school, he probably would be able to identify me, but it might be tough.

9.  He was very nice about it and let me continue to use his phone.

10.  So, I continue to wait for Toilet Mom.  And normally, I might just tell her I will call her later, but as you can probably tell, it is not easy to use a phone, so I just waited.

11.  I offered tech support to Toilet Mom and then I left the principal’s office.  I was going to make a comforting cup of hot tea, but the Principal had moved into the tiny room with a microwave to work while I had taken over his office.  In order to make tea, I would have had to kick him out again.

12.  I decided I could live without tea.

13.  Me every time I am in a Zoom meeting:

Ok, 1st Graders.  I am going to share my screen with you.

(like they know what that means)

Oh.  It is tricky.  This is tricky for Mrs. M.  Hang on.

Shoot.  Wrong button, hang on 1st graders!

Ok!  I think I did it.  Thumbs up if you can see my screen!

Yay!  I did it!  I did it, 1st graders!

First graders:

14.  One kiddo ran away from the Zoom meeting.  But his mom stayed and listened to my story.  She enjoyed it and put in a request for her favorite story to be read.  So I am going to call that a win.

15.  I would like to close this blog post with a Public Service Announcement:

DO.

NOT.

ANSWER.

YOUR.

PHONE.

IF.

YOU.

ARE.

SITTING.

ON.

A.

TOILET.

And if you do (but please, do not), do not tell the person you are on the phone with that you are on the toilet.

Happy Thursday, Friends.

Yes.  I am aware snuck is not a word.

No, I do not care.

LD and I had a wonderful little road trip to Alex’s wedding.  I discovered that having only child with you is peaceful and pleasant.  Who knew?!  He stayed awake the whole time and was my co-captain.  I thoroughly enjoyed our time together.

Thoroughly.

A few weeks ago, I asked my precious nephew if he could be my date for the wedding.  He agreed.  He is Jason’s son.

Remember Jason?

Poor Jason.  That photo is probably 15 years old.

Anyways.  Precious nephew was to be my date, and then I canceled, but then I un-canceled.  LD and I arrived a day later than everyone, but right in time for the ceremony.  When precious nephew saw me, he ran to me and we had a picture together.

Could he not be any cuter?  I mean SERIOUSLY.

And then.  He snuck a smooch.

All the heart eyes for that little man, I tell ya.

Alert!  The teen daughters liked my shoes.  I repeat.  The teen daughters liked my shoes.

I have a shocking picture for you all.

You might need to sit down for this.

David smiled.

I wonder if he wasn’t ready for the picture?  Perhaps he didn’t have time to un-smile?

Oh, well.  Worked out well for me.

It was a lovely wedding and LD and I were very glad we were able to make it.  I made Lauralee (Alex’s new wife) snap this photo with me, Lisa, and Amy.  Lisa is the Maliblahblah boys’ sister.  Amy, Lauralee and I are all married to one of the Maliblahblah boys.

From left to right Lisa (sister), Amy (Jason), Me (David), and Lauralee (Alex)

We deserve recognition.  Those boy/men are a lot of work.

Well, except for Jason.  He isn’t too crazy.

Remember Jason?

So we were enjoying the wedding and I was like,

David!  We close on the rental Monday!  And we still have stuff in the dang rental!

We drove from the wedding (6+hours away) to the rental and got all of our junk.

I made everyone remake a photo from ten years ago.

Here is the picture of all six of us on the day we closed on our rural house ten years ago:

And here we are today, ten years later, finally selling the town house:

The astute reader might notice HD is wearing glasses.

They are an old pair of my mom’s.  His new glasses won’t come for a few weeks.

He prefers to wear hers.  Because, and I quote:

“At least I can kind of read!”

#winning

And here’s a more real picture:

Kate’s boyfriend took the pictures for us and he got like all the way down low to the ground.  Is that how you are supposed to take pictures?  Because if so, I have been failing all my life.

Was I sad when I locked the house up for the last time?
Yes.

Did I feel like crying?

A little.

Do I want to keep it?
NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO.

Tomorrow is the first day of eSchool.

Am I ready?

But I did dust off ye olde planner, so that is probably a good sign.

Happy Sunday!

I do not have time to blog, but I must blog because so much has happened.  And if I don’t keep up with this blog, then I have a hard time getting back into it.

Because.  Where do you start, Man?

Alright.

Switching to online teaching has been quite the ordeal.  I try to remain positive, but I did have a 10 min flip out session with David this morning over coffee at 4:45am.

It may have even been twenty minutes.

Things are hairy at school.  It is too complicated to even blog about.  So let us discuss other stressful things, shall we?

Disclaimer:  This post might be all over the place.  Your understanding is appreciated.

1.  We are about to close on the sale of the rental.  This is good, but it is always stressful to make sure everything is as it should be.  You know?
2. We switched the boys to private school.  And that means we are hemorrhaging money.
3. My car needed new tires.  I had to go to a tire shop after school and sit there.  WHILE BEING STRESSED about school and then they found something wrong with the brakes and since we were going out of town soon, we should fix them and so that was more money and more time.
4. We had to do a last minute repair on the rental.  And that cost us many dollars.
5. We have this steer.  He is kind of a killjoy.  Because he won’t stay put.  And he enjoys breaking fences.
6. Did I tell you we were going out of town this weekend?  David’s brother, Alex, is getting married.  It is about a six hour drive from our home.  David is the best man.  The girls are mad that they are not flower girls.  At 17 and 16 years old.
7. I go live with online teaching on Monday.  Did I tell you things are hairy at school?
8. Because David is the best man, he must be at the rehearsal.  Because I am going live with teaching on Monday and things are hairy, I booked a flight to join them after they drove to the wedding so I could work.
9. I decided to lovingly write a post card to all 29 of my new students.  I needed to stop by the post office to mail them after work yesterday.
10. Towards the end of the day, I got a call from the secretary of the boys’ new school.  And at first I was like, “What the what?  Did LD ALREADY get in trouble?”  And she was like, “Oh, we think your son broke his nose in P.E.” And is it bad that I preferred that option to a behavior call?
11. Luckily, my mother had gotten off early that day and was able to swing by and grab him and we met up at the doctor’s office.
12. And as I was sitting in the doctor’s office, I was in an absolute panic.  Because it was Thursday at about 4pm.  And I was getting on a plane the next afternoon and was TOTALLY not ready to go live on Monday.
13. I feel it is important for the teacher to be ready for students.  But that is just me.
14. And the doctor was like, “Oh, his nose is broken and he needs to see an ENT within 24 hours and he should not travel and he might have a concussion.”
15. And is it bad that I was relieved?  Because teaching.
16. And so, I cancelled my flight and booked an appointment with the ENT for this morning.  After clearing it with my principal.  Of course.  And LD and I announced that, sadly, we would miss the wedding.
17. And the post cards did not get mailed yesterday afternoon.
18. And I got home, and David was like, Oh, I need your help sorting cows!  And I was like, Super, but I need to create a video for my new students.  And I helped him sort the cows and that ridiculous steer broke a fence.  Again. And then I made the video and was exhausted and went to bed and completely forgot that I had promised to give him a haircut that night.  Because he is the best man in a wedding.
19. Oh.  I made the girls show me their wedding outfits so I could be sure they were appropriate and they wanted to kill me dead over it.  It made my feelings sad.
20. So this morning, I woke up.  I drank some coffee and then had to rant to David about all the goings-on at school.  And then I remembered the haircut.
21. David got a haircut at 5:15am this morning.
22. And then David and Hadley and HD left for the wedding.  At 6am.  And first they dropped off Hadley’s car at the tire shop because she needed new tires.
23. Let us be glad that she is paying for her own tires.  Because life is costly these days.
24. Kate was going to hitch a ride with my parents to the wedding after her morning classes.  LD and I were dealing with his broken nose.
25. So, Hadley and David/HD met up at the tire shop and all got into my car to drive to the wedding.
26. And then they hit a deer.
27. No one was hurt, but the car was very hurt. And so they drove back to the tire shop and switched cars and got in Hadley’s car and drove to the wedding.
28. LD and I had to take David’s ginormica truck to town.
29. And I remembered the post cards.  And LD googled for me and the post office in town did not open until 8:30.  But the post office in our rural town opened at 7:30.  So we arrived at 7:20 and sat there.  And I was stressed.  Because I was not ready to go live on Monday and my son might need surgery for his broken nose.
30. And so we waited and the post office opened, and oh, darn, so sorry, but they are all out of stamps.
31. What post office is out of stamps?
32. The rural one is.
33. I could not go to the location that opened at the 8:30 time because I was supposed to be at work by 8 and I had to star in a video at 9.
34. I called my mom and told her my woes and bamboozled her into going to the post office for me on her way to the wedding.  She did.  She is nice.
35. I dropped LD off at mother’s house so he could sit there and wait for his appointment.
36. I went to work.  I stressed.  I was late. I starred in a video.
37. And then I had to call the insurance about my wrecked car.  And that was taking forever and I was on hold and all my teacher gal pals were making darling online classrooms and I was totally confused.  I literally handed my computer to my teacher pal, Kristin, and said, “Help me, I am dumb.”  She stared at my face while I was on the phone about my broken car and created a Bitmoji for me and a fun Bitmoji classroom theme page for me.
38. No.  I do not understand Bitmjoji.  Do you?
39. And then I had to leave to go pick up LD again and drive him to his ENT appointment.
40. He is going to be A-OK.
41. I went through Wendy’s and bought him lunch and my team lunch.  Because I was being a totally bad teammate on the Friday before we go live.
42. We have an awesome team and we cranked it out.  We stayed until about 4:15 and we are ready to go live on Monday.
43. We are not, I repeat, we are not ready for Tuesday.
44. I picked up LD and we were about to head home.  But I remembered David had asked me to print something out for him.  We don’t have a printer at home.  We also don’t have a printer at school, because our school is THAT new.
45. So, I had to go to the library.  But my library card was on my key chain.  So I asked David to send me a picture of my library card.
46. And then he was like, I don’t have your keys.  And I was like, can you go find them?  And he was like, I don’t have your car anymore, remember?
47. And then he texted me his library card number.
48. I got to the library at 4:41.  They closed at 5.  Plenty of time.
49. Except they automatically shut the computer down at 4:45.  So nothing got printed.
50. LD and I were feeling sad to miss out on the wedding.  I definitely did not want to drive my husband’s ginormous truck all the way to the wedding.  So I conned my father into letting me use his truck.
51. LD and I are leaving at six am to make it to the wedding.
52. I think I am ready for Monday.
53. I am not ready for Tuesday.
54. Our rental house closes on Monday.

And I have nothing more to say.

Farewell.

Since nobody called me out on it yesterday, I shall call myself out on it.

I quoted a verse from Proverbs 31.  But, if you recall, I only quoted the first half of the verse.  I hinted this to you by saying Proverbs 31:16a.

Let us examine the full verse, shall we?

We shall.

“She considers a field and buys it; (this is the part I conveniently stopped at)

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.”

Ok.  The real Proverbs 31 woman would be so disappointed in me.  I don’t have any earnings from farm and ranching.  And I do not have a vineyard, but I do have a garden.  And there are two lambs living in it, along with a mother hen and her eight chicks.  So obviously, it is a garden to be envied.

I posted in haste last night and I left many things out.  Let’s circle back, shall we?

Waylon.

Ok.  Waylon is the name of our bull that David ruthlessly murdered because he felt Waylon was worth more to him as ground beef as a friend.

Waylon made a lot of ground beef.  David said 700 pounds, to be exact.

We have already sold some and this is one of three freezers full:

Fun fact.  I bought the bagel bites from Costco as a “deal” that they would not be eaten until school started.

But someone did eat them.  Before school started.

Now, if I had one child, this situation would be a no brainer.  But I have four children and I have to choose my battles wisely.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that not one of my children ate them NOR do they know who may have eaten them.

It is truly a mystery.

But, I digress.

Waylon.

When I got to camp on Saturday, Waylon’s heart and livers were scattered all about the river property.  Like a full week after he was MURDERED.  At a property other than the crime scene.

And I would like to open this time up for people to guess why/how that happened.

Go ahead.  Guess.

Kate.

Kate is a child of mine who also wears glasses.  And when she packed up the tent, she rolled the glasses up in them.

What can we conclude from this?

We can conclude that Taylor is not a good rearer of children who wear glasses.  That is what we will conclude.

I want you to all know that I am one lucky duck.  For I have a mother.  And she likes to keep me informed.

And today, on this very day, at 5:10am, she informed me not only what the weather was like at her house, but also, what the weather was like where her sister lives in another state.

Mom:  It is chilly this morning!  It is 44 here and 32 in Dillon

And, Readers.  Not everyone is as lucky as I am to have weather reports from not one, but TWO places she does not live at 5:10am.

And, finally.

Here is the boys back to school photo.

Me:  Ok, there shall be a photo!  No ifs ands or buts!  And you shall stand up straight and look NOT like you want to murder someone!

#Nailed It.

Yes, hello.

There are many things to discuss, yet so little time.

Me:  I would like to lose weight.

Also me:  I deserve a second burrito.  For life is stressful, and burritos are the cure.

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty, shall we?

1. The boys start their brand new school tomorrow.  I have their uniforms all ready to go.  I have yet to help them pack lunches and backpacks, but David swindled them into building the corral.  Hopefully I will remember to help them pack, for they shall start tomorrow.  Ready or not.  Here they come.
2. I was so proud of myself on Thursday.  Because on Thursday, I had successfully finished getting the boys ready for school.  Bought them new lunch boxes.  Got all their school supplies purchased.  Went grocery shopping for the aforementioned school lunches.  Got all their uniforms purchased and organized.  Got them handsome haircuts.  They are so handsome, there is no denying it.  Got HD’s new lenses in his frames.  Life was good.  Taylor was on top of things.
3. David took the boys camping early.  And then he called me from a mountain to let me know that HD dropped his glasses in the river.  And they sank to the bottom.  And they could not be found.
4. Yes.  I am eating burrito #2 while I type this.  Why do you ask?
5. And then I was stressed because usually when HD has his glasses off, he goes cross-eyed.  And I am old, we all know this, but if I do recall, 8th grade is tricky.  And I do not think it would behoove the boy to start 8th grade at a new school with cross eyes.
6. But what do I know?
7. How do I even tell Bob this news?  Shame.  On.  Me.
8. If we get a new handsome bull calf, I want to name him “Jason Bateman.”  David:  Why ‘Jason Bateman’ ?

Me:

9.  But do you know, Reader?  Do you?  I bet you do.

10.  You guyzzzzz.  HD looks SO HANDSOME without glasses.  And, for the first time in his entire life, he is doing a pretty swell job of keeping his eyes straight.  Eighth grade, here he comes!

11.  Dear Lord, Please help HD to not get a girlfriend.  Amen.

12.  No.  I will not eat a third burrito.  That would be foolish.

13.  We are interested in maybe possibly purchasing some land next to us.  Maybe.  And an opportunity arose and I needed to make a decision, and David was out of cell service.  So, I called my mother in law, for I knew she would see him.

Me:  Tell David I am making an offer on the land next to us and if he has any issues with my offer he should drive to service and call.

MIL:  Oh, wow.

Me:  I know.  I am like the Proverbs 31 woman.  “She considers a field and buys it” (Proverbs 31:16a)

Look at me, with my big girl pants on, trying to buy adjacent land and such!

I will not know for some time if I was successful.  But, I was proud of me.

14.  We went camping.  It was fun.  We went with friends and family.  We floated.  We ate Waylon for two different meals.  I have something to tell you, Friends.

I tasted Waylon.

I know, I know.  It was hard for me, too.  But I had to.  And he tasted like ground beef.  So, that was a relief.

15.  Look at my cute niece.  I snapped this picture of her relaxing at the river.

She is so cute.  She reminds me of Kate at her age.  Very mature and responsible.  She loves to bake and she knows how to bake my favorite brownies.  I mentioned to her that I would really like one of those brownies with strawberries and whipped cream for my 40th birthday next year.  I mentioned this to her in front of David.  I have more faith in my niece remembering my birthday treat than David.  Hopefully she will supply my tummy with my yummy 40th birthday treat.

Behind her, you can see the other kids.  They were kayaking back and forth across the river all weekend, having the time of their lives.

Life is good, kids.  Also, you start school tomorrow, kids.

Alright.  Happy Monday.