The Lumberjack's Wife

I can’t believe it is already mid-September!  Life has been crazy busy.  In fact, I am too busy to write this post.

Here is a list of the goings-on:

1.  We had our annual Labor Day weekend camping trip.  I told David that this was getting to be way to busy of a time for me to be camping.  I am teaching and school starts the day after Labor Day.  Everyone went up, but I stayed behind for a bit and joined late.  While I was still in town at the school, David called me to inform me that it was raining, so they decided to go pick some apples.   Then he and his kinfolk decided it would be the opportune time to go ahead and make applesauce and can it right there at camp.  I mean, of course!  Canning applesauce while camping!  Not crazy at all!  This is my family.  These are my people.  They canned 284 quarts of applesauce.  Like crazy-insane people.
2. All four kids are at new schools this year.  The boys are going to the same elementary, but not the same one I am teaching at.  The girls are going to a college-prep type school and are up to their eyeballs in homework.  Both schools require uniforms.  The girls are in 7th and 6th.  The boys are in 3rd and 2nd.  I have to wake up at 430am to make it all happen and race around after school to pick them up.  Of course, we have to go back to the school I teach at after I pick them all up so I can try to keep my head above water.  Teaching.  Not for the faint of heart.
3. Not one of us noticed until dinner time that Little Dude had worn one of his sister’s uniform polos to his school all day.  I am sure his teacher is quite impressed with me.
4. Speaking of Little Dude, I asked him what he has learned at school so far.  His response?  “There are 27 steps from my classroom door to recess.”  Fantastic!
5. Little Dude apparently is having trouble listening to his correct recess whistle and will come to class late.  As I was scolding him on this, Handsome Dude had to set me straight:  “Mom!  You have no idea how confusing it is!  They just blow the whistle and you are just supposed to know what they mean!  I don’t know if someone is going to the HOST-A-BLE (hospital), if someone is hurt, or if I am supposed to line up!  So every time I hear a whistle, I run up to the duty and say, ‘What was that for?’  I don’t want to get in trouble.”  Little Dude, apparently, is cool with getting in trouble.  Also, why is Handsome Dude thinking a hospital trip for someone is even a likely option?
6. Neither boy knows the name of their school.  The poor dears.  Their school plan changed about six times.  They usually call it a different name about three times a day, bless their hearts.
7. My new teaching gig is kicking my hiney.  We have a new building with lots of stairs, and I am a busy girl.  I am meeting my step goal on my FitBit every day just at school.  I do not work out, because, have you met me?
8. Speaking of my healthy lifestyle, I bought myself my favorite ice cream a week ago to enjoy in the evenings at my leisure.  But I am just too tired at night to eat it, so it sits in my freezer unopened still to this day.  This is so not like me.  I am concerned.
9. My neck and shoulder have not stopped hurting for a month.
10. One must wonder . . . was homeschooling easier?  Hmmm.  Things to ponder.

Happy Weekend!

I’m sure you have all been on pins and needles, just dying to know what’s up with David and what sorts of shenanigans he has been up to as of late.

1)  The Hunting Fortresses

When we first moved out here, David put up a tree stand and was in all of his glory.  The tree stand was outrageously high up and I deemed it to be unsafe.  Because I am the killer of fun, apparently.  So, David broke out all of his muscles and built two large hunting fortresses.

Me:  David.  Why did you build two?  Why not just one?

David:  Because I can.

You can’t argue with that logic.

He built the fortresses, except he doesn’t call them fortresses.  I can’t remember what he calls them.  I call them fortresses because I can.

See what I did just there?

Anyways, he built them and then he put a total of 8 stilts in the ground (with concrete and whatnot).  Then he rented a forklift.  Like so:

The forklift helped him to transport the fortresses to the stilts.

Here is a picture from afar:

There is only one in the pictures, but he has two different ones in different spots on the property.

Basically, he has creating Hunting-Topia.

Its moments like these that I realize I am never going to move back to town.

Also.  Still not convinced on safety.

2)  Pigs

David has started adding lentils to the diet of the pigs.  He has to soak the lentils because pigs only have one stomach, whereas cows have four.  The pigs can’t digest the lentils au natural, so he must soak them first.  He doesn’t think I pay attention to him, but LOOK!  I totally paid attention to the pig stomach/cow stomach convo.

Anyways.  The soaking lentils STINK.  Lentil stink +pig stink+ 90-100 degree temps=All Sorts of Nasty.

We are currently the proud owners of 15 swine.

3)  Chickens

We added something like 45 chicks to our little flock this year.  We already had about 15 hens and a rooster.  So, we have about 60 of the feathered friends.

Its been hot like lava here as of late, so most of them are seeking refuge under the brush.  These three thought I had food to offer and came out of hiding to greet me.

4)  A horse, of course.

We only have one right now.  I just overheard David talking to his parents about cows, so I would not be surprised if that is coming soon.

Oh.

Joy.

***

I totally failed on the last post and forgot to mention that Little Dude turned 7!

He wanted to go camping at the “ribber” as per his usual custom.

I can’t believe my baby is 7!

***

Yesterday, David and I celebrated our 15th anniversary!  We took the kids to the water park.  David and I treated ourselves to ice cream cones, because, hello, FIFTEEN years, while the children had to drool and watch us eat them.

Sorry, kids.  You can buy a fancy ice cream cone for yourself in front of your children on your anniversary.  Now run along.

He had huckleberry.  I had moose tracks in a waffle cone, of course.

Delish.

Thanks to grandparents, we will be kid free this weekend!

Happy Thursday!

Wow.  Poof!  Four months went by.  How did that happen?  A lot has transpired.  Allow me to fill you in.

1)  I had the BEST year teaching Kindergarten.  I absolutely loved it.  I had the most precious kinders in the universe.  I loved the staff that I worked with, had the BEST teaching partner,loved  my classroom, you name it.

I must inform you that I shamelessly stole this photo from my partner teacher.  She’s probably ok with it.

I wish I could show you a picture of my class.  They are the cutest kids evah-evah! (That’s how cool people, such as myself, say ever-ever.  FYI)  But I am pretty sure that posting pictures of them on the The Internets would be frowned upon, so I shall restrain.

But rest assured.  You would be blown away by all the cuteness.

2)  Even though I loved loved LOVED my job, I was feeling a bit restless staying where I was at for my kids.  I knew I wanted more academic opportunity for my kids, and the small little rural school I was at just cannot offer as much as some of the schools in the nearby larger towns.

I decided to apply in 2 nearby school districts.  The first district is closer to me (30 min), but as luck would have it, is in a different state.  The second is still in our state but about a 45 min drive each way (for the love of it all).

I was pretty much terrified to apply at these larger school districts.

“Oh, hi!  I’m Taylor.  Let’s see.  I graduated FOR-EV-ER ago, but never taught.  I stayed home with my kids.  I did homeschool for 3+years, if that impresses you! I subbed for one year, and taught under a contract for one year.  That’s about it!”

So.  I applied at the aforementioned two districts.  I was called for an interview for the first district first, as luck would have it.  I went.  I did my best.  I even had to teach a 3rd grade mini Science lesson to a table of adults.  Which was super easy for a Kindergarten teacher to figure out.  Mmm-hmmm.

The next evening, the principal called me and offered me a 1st grade position!   I was pretty much over the moon excited.  I confirmed that my kids could attend and the next day, we set out for a tour of the building and to meet the kids teachers next year.

BUT . . . they discovered that since I was out of state, I would have to pay $5500 per year per kid in out of state tuition.  And in case you forgot, David LOVES having kids and made me have FOUR of them.  Which for all you math whizzes out there, adds up to a whopping $22,000 per year.

Yow

Zers.

I had to turn it down.  It was a huge disappointment and I shed many a tear over the whole ordeal.  Like a fit-throwing toddler.  It was ugly.

Two days later, I had an interview for the second school district and I shook the whole time and looked like a scared child.  I pretty much did a stellar job.  Ha.

Surprisingly, I was offered a 2nd grade position there.  I am really excited about it!  The school will be in a brand new building and the boys will go with me.

The best news is I signed the girls up for a lottery to attend a charter school which is the top school in our state, and they got in!  I have always wanted to send my kids to this school, and I cannot believe it is going to work out.  Even during the homeschool years, I tried to figure out how to make it happen.  I never dreamed I would get a job in this school district, nor did I think I would ever be able to work it out for the kids to go to this school.  But it looks like God had a plan all along, and even though it didn’t always seem that way.

Saying goodbye to my co-workers at the school I have been at the past two years was extremely difficult for me.  They were amazing and without their encouragement and support, I truly feel I would have never been able to get into teaching.  I am so thankful that God led me to that school, even though it seemed so scary at first.  I love teaching!

I am feeling blessed, grateful, and terrified all at once.

3)  I had a birthday.  I am now super old.

34 to be exact.

But look!  Bimlissa was in town from mean ol’ Tennessee and we got to see each other.

Does anyone remember Bimlissa?

Hello?

Alright.  That’s enough of my nonsense for one day.  I will try to post again soon!

As you all know, this is my first year as a teacher.

Well.

You might recall those old homeschooling days of yore where I attempted to teach the Fab Four.  Those were different.

This is my first year teaching a class.  In a school.  For a job.

Unbeknownst to me, St. Patrick’s Day is totally A THING in kindergarten.  My partner teacher, Lindsey,  had to fill me in.

Lindsey:  Oh!  We have to make Leprechaun traps!

Me:  Why?

Lindsey:  To catch a Leprechaun.

Me (trying to act like I know what’s up):  Oh, right!  And . . . what do we do with them when we do catch them?

Lindsey:  We don’t catch them!  They get away!

Me:  Right!  But say we DID catch them?  What, pray tell, would we do with them?

Lindsey:  Find out where they hid the pot of gold!

Me:  Right!

Maybe leprechauns were not allowed at the Christian school that I grew up in.  I cannot be certain.  But I had no idea that teachers had to do so much with these tiny green men.

So.  The Kinders and I  made our traps and we set them.  We tried to lure them with marshmallows and other sweet treats we were sure would be tempting to a leprechaun.

The next morning, (under Lindsey’s expertise, of course), I trashed the room.

All in the name of St. Patrick’s Day!

I dumped out toys.  I threw cereal all over the tables.  I tossed about some books and turned over a puzzle.

I made little green leprechaun footprints:

And left evidence that our leprechaun used the facilities:

I will admit! I was not super jazzed about the whole St. Patrick’s Day thing.  I mean, I’m a busy gal!  Ain’t nobody got time for this.

But the KIDS!  They loved it!  They were so excited and just could not BELIEVE a leprechaun would have the audacity to use the toilet and NOT EVEN FLUSH.

It was pretty awesome.

St. Patrick’s Day.  Who knew?!

***

The four chicks are still happily chirping away in our classroom.

Upon further reflection, I feel that at least one of them should have been named, “Chirpy Von Chirpy-Pants.”

They can be a bit loud.  And did I mention chirpy?

But the kids love them and they don’t distract them too terribly often.  So, they can stay for now.

***

David, in the spirit of being  David, has come home with 42 chicks for our own homestead.  They are extremely distracting to the boys and cause the boys to not really listen to me.

As if they ever really listened before.

***

You are not going to believe this, folks . . .

Handsome Dude turned 8 yesterday and Daisy Mae turns 11 today.

Time flies!

Happy Tuesday!

I would like to announce that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah am basically like Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus now.

Would you like to know why?

I brought FERTILIZED eggs into my classroom, incubated them for 21 days, and allowed my students to witness the miracle of life.

Let us be impressed that I know A) What Fertilized Eggs are and B) How to incubate them.

Thank you.

(That is Little Dude pictured above watching a little chick hatch)

I have to admit.  I was a bit worried that the eggs would not hatch.  I had a Plan B in place.  If none of my eggs hatched, I was just going to bring in a couple of baby chicks and “trick” my students into believing they had hatched them.

I know.  TRICK my students.  For shame.

But as luck would have it, we had four hatch and all four are happily living in our classroom.  They chirp all the livelong day and the students and I have decided that the birds are learning math and reading skills along with us.

They shall be the world’s smartest birds.

At first only two hatched, and so we named them Thing One and Thing Two.  Because kinders are all about Dr. Seuss, in case you didn’t know.

But two more hatched a bit later, so we just named them Thing Three and Thing Four.  Because that’s how we roll.

So that’s that.  Oh!  And I am basically like THE farm and ranch expert at school.  You know, because of the chick-hatching fiasco and the whole raising of pigs and whatnot.  I informed David post haste that his wife was considered somewhat of an expert in the field of farm and ranch studies.

He felt that was extremely sad.

Happy Sunday!

Remember when I used to blog, like, every day?  Back in the days or yore?

I know.  It is ridiculous.  I could say I will  do better, but we all know that would be an outrageous lie.

Christmas.

Christmas was wonderful, and more specifically, Christmas BREAK was wonderful.  We really didn’t do a whole lot, which was brilliant on our part.  David had a few days off, too, because, and hold on to your pants, folks, HIS COMPANY NOW GIVES HIM PAID DAYS OFF.  Have you ever heard of a more ridiculous thing?  I ask you?

Such luxury.

Sweet Pea’s Birthday

Sweet Pea turned 12.  For her birthday, we went sledding down yonder country road. David, in the spirit of being David, insisted on bringing his horse sledding.

Don’t ask me why.  Just go with it.

Perhaps he felt that if people could  bring their dogs, he could bring his horse?

We may never know.  But the best part of the sledding event was when his horse decided she had had quite enough of David’s nonsense and just ran home.

Just . . . . left.

It was quite humorous watching her run up the road back to our house, dragging a sled behind her.

Sweet Pea’s birthday is on New Year’s Eve.  The kids are able to stay up for this, but, sadly, the adults are no longer able to do such things.

This is because:

A)  We are too old.

B)  We no longer care.

Handsome Dude took a picture of the other three and myself before Mommy had to go to bed:

Do not be fooled by the fancy exercise machine in the background.  It is merely for show.

Fun Fact:

My mom keeps buying the boys pajama pants.  This stresses them out because, alas, there is no matching shirt.

So they just go shirtless.

They simply cannot handle it.

Pigs

I am beginning to think that this “pig” thing David got into is not a phase.

Let’s look at the facts:

1)  Two years ago, he begged-nay, pleaded with me to let him get ONE PIG.

2)  He then talked me into two pigs.  Something about them not being lonely.  As if I am concerned about the social life of pigs.

3)  He brought home SEVEN.

4)  Since that fateful October day, I am not sure if I can recall a time when we haven’t been blessed with the company of our swine friends.

5)  I overheard David telling his dad that has has butchered EIGHTEEN pigs since March.

6)  David purchased 15 pigs last Saturday.

7)  He buys food by the ton.  Literally.  2,000 pounds at a time.  Sometimes 2-3 tons at a time.

8)  He wants to buy 5 more pigs.  In addition to the current 15.

What does this mean?  Am I doomed to spend my life forever entangled with swine?  Will he ever tire of these smelly creatures?

One can only hope.

They stink.

A couple of weeks ago, David was butchering a pig (because-Oh!-have you not heard?  That is kind of his life now) and he sliced his finger.  As he his wont to do.

Yet, it was not a good situation and we should have headed to the doctor post haste.  But David is against spending money on medical care, so he let it be.

And his finger now looks like this:

He cannot make it go straight.

Please be advised:  I am fully aware that he should have gone to the doctor.  I told him to go to the doctor.  He listened not.

Also:  he is now blood brothers with a pig.

That is all.

We had our family pictures taken on not one, but two separate occasions this year.  As if we couldn’t be more full of ourselves.

The first session was done by our dear friend . . . and she did an amazing job!

Here is a group shot.  All my life .  . for all of eternity . . . I have longed for David to look content in a picture.  He doesn’t even have to smile.  All I ask is that he at least looks like he is fairly pleased with his lot in life.

And in this picture, I feel like he has finally obliged me.

Handsome Dude, on the other hand . . . .

Daisy Mae, myself, and Sweet Pea.

Sweet Pea will be 12 years old in days.  Mere DAYS I tell you.  What is wrong with the world?  I ask you?

Daisy Mae is 1o now-will be 11 in March.  Because apparently she feels it is perfectly acceptable to grow up, just like her sister.

Whatever.

We need to talk about this guy right here . . .

Gone are the days of broken glasses and peeing on my washing machine.  Long time readers will certainly recall all the angst this boy brought me.  And, yes, he can still be exasperating.  Believe you me.  He is, however, absolutely precious as well.  He is quite studious with his school work and he loves to help his dad.  He changes the garbage bag without anyone even asking him and loads the woodbox every day.  He is also the only child to hug me every day before he goes off to the breakfast line at school.

Getting him to wear clean pants is a challenge, but you have to choose your battles.

And then, there’s this guy.

Little Dude.  Also known as Captain McSpacey Pants.  Precious and aggravating all rolled into one.

Example:

His chore is to get the eggs everyday.  Here is a typical afternoon:

Me:  Dude, don’t forget to get the eggs.

Little Dude:  Oooh, right!  I hope I get 7 because then I will have 2 1-dozens!

He takes his egg collecting job quite seriously and regularly reports to his father on how many dozen eggs we have ready to sell in our fridge.

Yes.  We sell eggs.  We are THOSE people.

Little Dude starts go outside, but cannot find his shoes.  Once he finds his shoes, he will go outside, but forget to take the egg holder.  He will come back and get it and get distracted by a random Hot Wheel that he forget to pick up only moments ago.  Once he is finally outside, he will actually go and gather eggs.

Glory be!

Once he has gathered the aforementioned eggs, and thoroughly visited with all of his hen friends, he will set the carton down on the ground and go back to close the door of the coop.  Before he actually closes the door, he will spy one of our cats meandering nearby.  It is at this point, folks, that we have lost Little Dude.  He will not be able to focus on anything but cats for a good 20 minutes.

There is no point in trying to bring him back.

He is gone.

While Little Dude is chasing a poor cat around the “back 40”, the hens have noticed that the door to the coop is open and they decide to go and have a meet and greet all about the property.  Because this is what hens do when they have their freedom.

At some point, I will notice hens covering the property and yell for Little Dude.

LD:  Oooh, right!  Sorry , Mom!  I’ll get them in right away!

And he will spend another 20 minutes getting the hens put back in.

While he is headed back to the house with his egg bounty, he will most likely trip and drop one.

None of this will discourage him.  He will be happy as can be throughout the whole ordeal, and will most likely be singing Frozen songs during it.

And that is a summary of what it is like to live with Little Dude.

You’re welcome.

***

My parents also arranged a photo shoot with my entire side of the family, and we got two shots with that photographer.

I felt they turned out nicely as well!  I can’t believe how big my kids are getting . . . .

*tear*

***

And what’s a blog post from me without some poor creature meeting its untimely demise?

Daisy Mae was able to go hunting on a mentor tag with her dad and got herself this here buck.

It was all very exciting.

And I have a lot of scary meat in my fridge now.

Happy Sunday!

Wow.  I am terrible at blogging.  I have only myself to blame.  Apparently, I can only handle teaching kindergarten.

That’s it.

I am drowning, my friends.  Drowning in a sea of lesson plans, meetings, emails, observations, and, oh yeah, actually TEACHING the little pumpkins.  And then there’s the four little Maliblahblah children that I must still rear, what with their homework, basketball, chores, and whatnot.

And let us not forget the Mister . . . Sir Pig Farmer himself.  Here’s a fun little story for you:

We went to town.  This is not uncommon, seeing as how we must, upon occasion, visit society.  I looked at my husband and noticed a smear of something red on his clothing.

Me:  Is that blood on your clothes?

David:  Yup.

Me:  Didn’t you change your clothes after you butchered the pigs this morning?

David:  Nope.

Me:  But we are out.  In public.

David:  Yup.  I was wondering how long it would take you to notice.

***

Stand down, ladies.  He is all mine!

It was a terrible idea to combine “Pig Butcherin’ Day” with “Going to Town Day.”

Yes!  We still have pigs.  Jealous?

So, let us without further ado make a list of all the happenstances that have occurred these past weeks.

1)  The kids started school!  Yes.  This was in September, but we are pretending I am not behind in my blogging.

Sweet Pea is in 6th, Daisy Mae is in 5th, Handsome Dude is in 2nd, and Little Dude is in 1st.

This year has been going a bit better than last year.  The kids are finding friends and doing well.  We all miss parts of homeschooling, but are enjoying our big change still.

2)  Handsome Dude was the first student in his class chosen to be “Star Student of the Week.”  I believe this is because he was doing a good job of being respectful (yes!  MY BOY!), but he is certain it was because he was the fastest at doing a math page.

Under the section titled, “When I Grow Up…” he wrote:

“I want to be a lektreshine and I want to be helfey.”

Which, of course, means he wants to be an electrician and he wants to be healthy.

Precious to my heart.  Of course you all remember that my husband is not a lumberjack at all, but is, in fact, an electrician.

3)  Little Dude gave himself a haircut.

His reasoning?

“Because when I raised my eyebrows they would touch my hair and it hurt, so I cut my hair.”

Brilliant!

4)  Halloween.

I did a total mom-fail and neglected to get pictures of my kids.  Because I am tired and my brain is full of all the things.

But I DO have this gem of a photograph:

That’s the K-1st team at the school dressed up as The Three Little Pigs and the Big Bad Wolf.

I am the second pig in from the left.

Oink, Oink!

5)  David went on his ridiculously long hunting trip again.  And, as per the usual custom, disaster struck . . . this time in the way of Strep Throat.

You know what is NOT easy?  Writing sub plans.  But I digress . . . .

We survived.  On the evening of Daisy Mae’s SECOND bout of strep, we played a little card game:

Handsome Dude has decided he will never again smile in a picture.  Does that sound like anyone you know?

6)  Sister Meagan asked me to find the picture of Little Dude with his bunny Screamer from the days of yore.  It makes me sad to look at it:

Can you believe this was about 3-4 YEARS ago?  This was during the phase when he would tromp around in two left cowboy boots and announce to everyone,

“My bunny’s name is Screamer.”

Little Dude is now 6 and apparently has a love life now.

Me:  Do you have a girlfriend?

(They are not supposed to have girlfriends.)

LD:  Yup!  Oops . . . I am not supposed to tell you that.  Um, nope!

Me:  Dude!  You are not supposed to have a girlfriend!

LD:  But she is just a friend that is a girl!  And I don’t kiss her or anything!

Me:  Do you write notes to her?

LD:  Only in kindergarten.

Me:  What sort of note would you write her in kindergarten?

LD:  I said, “I am sorry for shouting out when you were raising your hand.”

Me:  But you don’t write notes anymore?

LD:  In first grade?  NEVER!

So, there you go.  Apparently the dude has had a steady girlfriend since last year.

Who knew?!

Happy Sunday!