The Lumberjack's Wife

Once upon a time, there was a precious baby boy.

His parents found him to be quite charming, but noticed that he was constantly cross-eyed.  They discussed their concerns with the doctor, and, sure enough, the boy could not see.

Ever seen a 6 month old in glasses?

There you go.  Do you think it is easy to keep glasses on a baby?  You are gravely mistaken, my friend.

Keeping glasses on the lad was no easy task.  In all truth, he probably wore them about 15% of the time, and not for a lack of trying on his parents’ part.

By the time he turned one, things started to get a bit better.

Yes.  You can stop wondering.  His mother is pregnant in the above photo.  Again.

Soon, he grew out of the baby glasses and moved up to a bigger size.

This is when the fun begins, my friends.

And I use the term “fun” quite loosely.

Quite.

Having a toddler boy in glasses resulted in his mother making weekly, sometimes daily, trips to the place the children became to know as “The Glasses Doctors.”  The Glasses Doctors exhibited much patience with Frazzled Mom and her well-behaved crew of four and did everything in their power to make sure the boy was able to see.

This was no easy task.

Eventually, the glasses in the above picture became missing, and were presumed dead.  This was fortunate timing because the eye doctor decided the boy no longer needed glasses at all.  This was worrisome to the mother, but she was a bit over the whole novelty of a young child in glasses, so she listened to the doctor.

This was a mistake of gargantuan proportions.  The boy’s eyes became much worse and were constantly crossing.  The mother went back to the doctor and got the boy back in glasses.

But, alas.  The boy still had trouble.  He did not seem to be seeing all that well and his eyes would cross terribly once his glasses were off.  And his glasses were off a lot, seeing as how he broke them daily.

Then, one day, the boy laughed and said,

“Two mommies!  I see two mommies!”

This freaked the mommy out and she decided she had better get the boy into a new doctor post haste.

New doctor looked at the boy’s eyes and looked at the boy’s vision history and said the boy has never been in a strong enough prescription.  New doctor eased the mother’s worries about her son someday having a permanent lazy eye, but warned her that her son’s brain was going to have to relearn all images, because he has never seen the world like he is about to start seeing.

The boy was given an extremely strong prescription.  When The Glasses Doctors put his new pair on for the first time, he almost fell down and said,

“Everything is wiggly!”

The mother has been encouraged since switching to new doctor.  The boy has caught up and learned all his letters and numbers and seeming able to do more things.

But, alas.  The boy’s glasses kept breaking.

The Glasses Doctors have been doing everything in their power to keep glasses on the boy.  He has gone through about 5 frames in the past year.  Since the family now lives far away from The Glasses Doctor, the father has been attempting to keep the glasses in working order on his own.

It’s just not working out.

So, the Glasses Doctors recommended new, indestructible glasses for the boy.  They were $300, but were promised to never break.

The mother and father like the sound of the word indestructible.  They, do, however, feel like their son now looks like a Space Man.

The boy LOVES them and thinks himself to be a rockstar.

The mother is having a hard time with them.  As is the father.

The mother and father need to get over themselves.  Rest assured, the mother and father only praise the boy and tell him how awesome he looks.

But you can certainly understand their pain, no?

Happy Thursday.

Love,

The Mother of Space Man

My Little Dude is growing up so quickly!  He will be four next month. I was reading through some old posts from this time last year and I realized how much he has changed.

Last year, he wore cowboy boots everywhere and told everyone and their mother:

“My bunny’s name is Screamer.”

He also could not go to the bathroom without becoming fully undressed and had to sing train songs before an elimination was possible.  Which wasn’t odd at all.

I am happy to report that he only takes off the necessary clothing now during an elimination break and songs are no longer required.

This boy is a talker these days.  Remember Saturday when I had to take my oldest boy David on a car ride to get an ice cream cone so he wouldn’t give himself a hernia or worse? (click here to read that post)  The older three children amazingly fell asleep for that car ride.

But not our Little Dude.

The spunky boy that he is.

He talked nonstop.  And this is exactly what is sounded like:

LD:  Hey-hey-hey-hey . . . hey, Dad?  Dad?  Who made the trees?

David:  God

LD:  Oh, right.  GOD.  Who made the branches?  I think God.  Right, Dad?  Right?  RIGHT?

David:  Right.

LD:  Trashbags!

There were several trash bags on the side of the road for about 5 miles.

LD:  And who made the ducks?  Dad?  DDDDAAAADDDD!  Trashbag! People or God?  Dad!

Dad:  God.

LD:  Ducks are squishy, right Dad?  Trashbag!  Right?

Dad:  Sure.

LD:  Like fish.  Trashbag!

Dad:  What about fish?

LD:  Fish are-trashbag! squishy!  Who made the lellow (yellow) lines on the road dad?

Dad:  Someone.

LD:  Who, Dad?  Trashbag!  Dad, why did someone leave all these trashbags?  That’s funny.  Trashbag!  Who made the sun, Dad?

Dad:  God.

LD:  Ooooh, God!  Right!  Trashbag!

Seriously.  He would not stop.  It was enjoyable.  Reminded me of the dog in the movie UP who would keep getting distracted.

Squirrel!

Little Dude has been obsessed with letters and their sounds lately and today we sat down and he read a BOB book by actually sounding the words out.  I just had to brag there.  Because tomorrow my other son is getting Space Man glasses, and sometimes a gal just needs something to get her through the day.

Do you know what a BOB book is?  Are you wondering why I am bothering you with this nonsense today?

You are not alone.

Alright.  I’m off to do more laundry.

Trashbag!

Daisy Mae:  Mom, since we live in the country, I have to wear a cowboy hat all the time.

Me:  Sounds good.

Wait!  What’s that?  Your table isn’t always covered in math manipulatives, too?  That’s odd.

It is Monday and I am exhausted.  Not surprisingly, David went to work this morning-after just having his appendix out on Friday afternoon.  Don’t get your panties in a knot, I truly tried to keep him home.  He cared not.

I think he kinda overdid it this weekend.  He came home yesterday from picking up an entire ranch worth of straw and fell asleep.  He decided what was bothering him the most was his belt digging into his stomach . . . right near the incisions.  His solution was to wear suspenders.  He woke up from his nap and the girls thought he looked HI-larious, so they snapped a photo.

Well, hello, Farmer Brown!

After that photo, I cut his hair.  Because I am Susie Fantastic, didn’t you know?

Fun Fact:  I have yet to have a day where I cut his hair and he does not go and “fix” it afterwards.  I don’t care anymore.  I am numb, people.  NUMB.

I vote we all just go to the big city to get our hairs cut.  But to each his own.

So, anyways.  I would scold David for doing too much all weekend long and attempt to get him to rest.  However, when Daisy Mae told me there was a live mouse running around inside of our wood stove, I determined that David was certainly well enough to come and take a looksie at that sitch.

Because there is no way I am going to willingly look at a mouse.  And, oh, do I have mice stories from our old house.  But that shall be for another day, my friends.

David went downstairs to deal with the mouse.  Pleasantly enough, it was a cute, much more aesthetically pleasing, bird.

Crazy!

In other exciting weekend news, the girls had a piano recital.

Sweet Pea

Daisy Mae

I realized when I sat down for the recital that I had not one clue which songs either girls were playing!  Isn’t that awful?  Usually, I listen to them play a few times the week of the recital, but things have been a bit crazy over here.  I will say that it is nice to take one subject (music) in school and be able to completely check out of it.  Perhaps I shall hand David all those math manipulatives and check out of that as well.

I kid!  I jest!

Besides.  David teaches them some serious life skills.  Like 4 wheeler driving, trailer-hitching, rabbit sexing (again.  not as naughty as it sounds.), and fence building.

You can see now why Daisy Mae feels the need to wear the cowboy hat, no?

I have a headache something fierce.  I must wonder if my post is even making sense?  Probably not.

Here’s some more pointless info I shall now dump at you.  For your reading pleasure.

1)  David bought an egg incubator off of Ebay and it came in the mail today.  This means that not only can he bring chickens home from ladies selling them on the side of the road, but he can also grow his own.

2)  Would anyone be interested in buying some chicks from Maliblahblah Farms?

3)  Speaking of mice (were we speaking of mice?), Daisy Mae found what appears to be a mouse nest in my craft bin.

4)  I think its time Peter the Cat started earning his keep.

5)  We are going camping this weekend.  Along with the rest of the world.  David suggested we fry up Tom.

Remember Tom?

Come on!

You’re jealous, admit it.  I mean who wouldn’t want to feast on Tom?

So, let’s hear some good side dishes to compliment Tom, shall we?

Oh, and rest assured, I will not be eating Tom.

Just like I don’t eat my wall-friend, here.

Alright.  This post makes no sense.  I’m leaving now.