The Lumberjack's Wife

In class, we finished up the Mercy Watson series by Kate DiCamillo.

I have a new student.  He was not happy about switching schools and being with us.  He kept trying to go home sick and told his mom he missed his old school.  Which is understandable.

Last week, we were almost done with our last Mercy Watson book.  New kiddo got called to the office to go home for the day because his brother was sick and mom was there to pick brother up.  New kiddo happily popped back in a few minutes later.

Me:  I thought you were going home?

New Kiddo:  My mom said I could stay!

Me:  You wanted to stay?

New Kiddo:  I asked her if I could stay and ride the bus home.

Me (picking up Mercy Watson):  Well, I am glad you get to spend more time with us today.

New Kiddo:  YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I was hoping I wouldn’t miss the end of the book!

So.  Three cheers for good books and reading together as a class.  It is simply the best.

Since we had finished our series, we had our “Toast Party.”  Because Mercy Watson LOVES toast-with a great deal of butter on it.

We started a new book by Kate DiCamillo-The Tale of Despereaux.

Now, THIS is a good book.  I recommend everyone reads it.  I started reading a few chapters and then stopped at the end of a chapter.

Kiddo:  Awww, MAN!  You ALWAYS stop at the good part.

Be still my heart.

Mack came to school in teeny tiny pants.  Like the world’s tightest pair of jeans.  I am not sure how he even got them on, but the button kept popping open and he literally could not bend enough to sit down.  They were probably his jeans when he was 4 years old, no joke.

I chatted with the counselor at lunch and she went to grab him to see if she could find him some new pants.

Mack, ever the gentle spirit, was following her into the office, shouting and staring at his hands: “HANDS?!  What is wrong with my hands?  Why do I need new hands?”

Me:  Buddy.  She is trying to see if she has an extra pair of PANTS for you.

Mack:  Ohhhhh.

She finds him some snazzy sweatpants and you would think Mack just won the lottery.

Mack:  Can I keep them!?!

Counselor:  Sure can.

And for the rest of the day, Mack was bending and twisting happily with freedom.

I am going to let you in on a little secret.  At times, I worry about Mack.  And sometimes I am not quite sure if he is even really with me.  I mean, I am completely aware that his little body is with me, because it is always twirling right near me, but I am not so sure his mind is always with me.

I was reading “Tale of Despereaux” and Mack was testing out the new flexibility of his sweatpants.  All other kids are sitting still and look towards me as I read, and Mack is practicing for his gymnastics routine.

In this book, the narrator will talk to the reader.  And here is a direct quote I read to the class-

“Reader.  Do you believe there is such a thing as happily ever after?”

Mack shouts:  YES! I DO!

So.  He IS listening.  And I love him.

***

Kate is still far, far away.  And she probably misses us, but she really misses her dog, Niko.  So I try to send her cute little snaps throughout the week.

Like this one where Niko had slowly crawled up to join me on the couch as I was reading.

Look at that nose.  Love it.

***

The cows are good and the calves are all that is precious in this world.  Hazel would have turned one on the 12th, so that was bittersweet.

I was out checking on the cows and they were all standing around chewing their cud.  And then, without any communication that I could see, they all collectively decided it was time to go and get a drink.

And they did.

***

The apartment work continues.

We put in flooring.  And when I say “we”, I mean David and HD.

I did, however, sweep and open boxes.

Happy Tuesday.

When last we spoke, I told you that I had to buy HD a nice button down shirt for his final basketball game because, and I quote,

“COACH SAID WE NEED TO LOOK NICE.”

“GOSH.”

And, so.  I took him to the mall and I bought him the shirt.  I spent more than I would have wanted to do, but I figured it would be a nice investment and good for him to have a button down shirt nicely hanging in his closet.

He wore the shirt for 2 hours.

I washed the shirt and put it in his clean clothes basket, along with his other clean clothes.

He was in a rush and was scrambling through the basket and left the arm of the button down shirt dangling over the basket.

The basket just so happens to sit on top of dog kennels.

One of the puppy brothers was able to pull the sleeve through the kennel and destroy it.

The button down shirt.

A tragedy.

And a complete waste of money.

Let’s move on.

It appears that calving season hath begun around here, and I am not complaining.

Look at this handsome fellow and just TRY to help me he isn’t the cutest boy you ever did see.

Let’s talk about first graders, as I spend a good chunk of my week with them.

I often say the phrase, “Sure thing, Jelly Bean.”  For example:

1st grader:  Mrs. M?  Can I fill up my water bottle?

Me:  Sure thing, Jelly Bean.

One of my boys, who thinks I am hilarious, doesn’t fully understand why I say Jelly Bean.  I think that he thinks it is a term of endearment.  So, now, everyday when I say goodbye to him, he hugs me and shouts:

“BYE, JELLY BEAN!”

***

We are working on learning how to write an informational paper and we just wrapped up a book on wolves.  The last thing to do was to illustrate each page.

Hal:  Look, Mrs. M!  Look at my wolf!  He is FARTING!

Hal is dying of laughter and there is a wolf on his page with a cloud of farts coming out of his rear end.

Me:  Hmmm.  I am wondering if that is the best type of drawing for your informational writing?  Sounds more like if you were writing a fantasy book?

Hal:  Hmmm.  Ok.

And Hal goes back to work.

Later.

Hal:  Look, Mrs. M!  Wolves are farting on EVERY page.  It is just too funny.

***

One of my boys went to the bathroom and decided it would be hilarious to crawl on the floor and enter the stalls of unsuspecting second graders.  And then he had the audacity to pretend he didn’t understand why that would be a bad choice.

***

I was unexpectedly late to school on Tuesday.  I will get back to that soon.

Another teacher was covering my class.  I walked in and Mack shouted:

“YAY!  MISS D IS HERE!  WE CAN PLAY BALL!”

Because Mack calls me the name of his kindergarten teacher and Mack loves to play ball with me at recess.

The kids have three recesses, but I am only outside with them for the first and last one.  First recess is my first chance to go to the bathroom, so when the other first grade teachers are out, we all take turns.

I went to the bathroom.

When I came back outside, some of my students came over to inform me of what has happened since I went to the bathroom.

“Mrs. M.  Mack is very upset and crying because you aren’t playing ball with him.”

I scan the playground and see Mack, far far away, in the fetal position with the ball, wailing.

Me:  Well.  Tell him I just had to go to the bathroom and if he wants to play ball he can come over here and ask me.

All my girls go run over to tell Mack this message.

They return.

“Mack says he is too sad.”

Me:  Bummer.  Well, I am here and able to play if he wants to.

Lest any of you think I am cruel, I need to kind of be in this certain area to help watch the 75 first graders we are monitoring.  And I love to play ball with Mack, but I need to be able to also watch the kids.  Plus, he can ask me to play and not wail to others.

Recess is 15 min long and he starts finally coming towards me at minute 14.  He has tears everywhere and is hiccuping.

Me:  Hi, Mack!  Wanna play ball?

He nods and tosses the ball.  I catch it.  We play it for 30 seconds, but then the recess whistle blew.

Mack, wailing: “I HARDLY GOT TO PLAY BALL WITH MISS D”

We go back to the classroom and learning all the fabulous things first graders learn.  Mack has pulled it together and gotten over the trajedy of not spending as much time with me as he had hoped.  And can you blame him?  As far as I know, I am delightful.

Now, it is time for the kids to get ready for lunch and recess.

Mack, wailing:  OH, MAN.  THIS IS THE RECESS THAT MISS D ISN’t WITH US.  I CAN’T PLAY BALL WITH HER.

Me:  Well.  There’s always last recess, Bud.

For.  The.  Love.

Ok.  We need to move on and discuss why I was late.

On Tuesday, I started my car and then my car locked me out.

AGAIN.

Hadley and her car were already gone.  The subaru is at the mechanic.  The truck was at a different mechanic.  David was working out of town 8 hours away.

I call David.  He is less than impressed, but he agrees to help me break into my car.

I tried for one hour.

Reader.  It is really difficult to break into a car.  I was able to pry the door open, but finding something to stick down there to hit the unlock button proved a challenge.

I tried calling a tow truck company, but no one was answering.  So I asked my neighbor if he was around, and he was.  Sadly, he didn’t have much experience breaking into cars, but one of the guys who works for him did.

So.  Random dude named Mark came over and broke into my car for me in about 90 seconds.

Three cheers for Mark!

Reader.  I am NOT this dumb.  Something is wrong with my car.  I now wear the key fob around my neck and shall not ever leave it in the car when I start it.

Happy Friday.

Well.  I never did find a dead quail in the house.  I am feeling fairly confident our house is quail-carcass free.

On Friday, I had to take David’s gigantic truck to school.  I felt like it was running a bit funny, but, what do I know?  The school week completely kicked my butt and I did not feel like I had it in me to drive out to the kids’ basketball games, so I peaced out and went home.  When I got home, I texted David to tell him the truck was running funny.

His reply?

“Yeah.  I am surprised you didn’t break down.”

So my kids starred in basketball games far, far away, won per usual, and I went to sleep by 730pm.

Saturday.

Reader.  Many moons ago, David and I purchased an old Subaru for the girls to use.  And then the engine blew.  And it has sat on our property, surrounded by no less than 6, 721 hay bales, waiting for someone to deal with it.

And because every single vehicle we own has needed a mechanic in the past two weeks, David has decided the Subaru should not feel left out and now is the perfect time to get that baby a new engine.

?

David must think teacher’s make tons of money.

To set the scene, here are a few things you need to know.

1.  Hadley was at work.  With her car.
2. My car was at a mechanic, but ready to get picked up.
3. David’s truck is about to break down and needs to get to a mechanic.
4. The Subaru needs to get to a different mechanic.
5. HD wants a new button down shirt because COACH SAID TO DRESS UP.  GEEZ.
6. Kids were playing in Varsity final championship games.
7. It was Hadley’s last game ever as she is a senior.
8. We are still supposed to be building an apartment.
9. Oh.  And we have cows.

On Saturday morning, I tried to get a weekend’s worth of chores done in two hours so we could leave for car drama and basketball.  It was time to leave and I had the honor of choosing between driving the truck and towing the Subaru, or sitting in the Subaru while it was being towed by the truck.

Reader.  A bit of advice.  If you are ever in this situation, choose to be the Tow-ER and not the Tow-EE.

So David got all the rigs all ready to go.

See the hay bales?  Did you think I was fibbing?

I succesesfully towed David and the Subaru to the mechanic without causing any minor road infractions.

And if this doesn’t prompt David to finally buy me that Number One Wife T-Shirt, I don’t know what will.

We got the truck to a different mechanic and Hadley met us there so we could use her car to go and get my car, which was at a different mechanic.

Are you following any of this?

And the truck’s mechanic is right by a mall, so HD and I ran in speedy fast to buy him the button down shirt that he would wear for 2 hours because COACH SAID TO DRESS UP.

GEEZ.

Then we took Hadley’s car to the other mechanic to pick up my car and we went to The Big Basketball Tournament.

Oh!  Ask me how crocheting is going!

We got to The Big Basketball Tournament.  Hadley’s team won the coveted Gold Ball for the most wins of their league.  HD’s team didn’t win anything, but he did look snazzy in his button down shirt while sitting in the crowd.

COACH SAID TO DRESS UP.  GEEZ.

It was sad to know that it was Hadley’s last game.  Senior stuff can get hard, you know?  Her team was falling behind and at half time, we weren’t sure they were going to pull it off, but they did it!  It was one of the most exciting games I have ever watched and Hadley played like a beast and had one of her best games ever!  It was a fun night and a great way to end her career.  She even made the paper the next day.

When we were at the games, all the grandparents were there.

My Dad:  Taylor.  I was driving my car and a check engine light came on!  And then I went to start my truck and the battery was dead!  I felt like you guys!

Me:  That’s cute, Dad.

I wonder if my dad has ever towed a vehicle, such as I?

Boys Varsity played next.  It was an extremely close game the entire time.  HD is a swing player and only plays if they have a decent lead, so he did not see any playing time, but it was very exciting to cheer their team on and watch them also win the championship.

After the games, Hadley was exhausted and drove home.  HD wanted to go out to celebrate with his team, which was understandable, and the only reason I am saying this is because I want you to know that we didn’t get home until 11:30 AT NIGHT.

Sunday.

On Sunday, Hadley and I started to paint the apartment.  David was in charge of repairing something ELSE on my car, and HD was in charge of feeding all the cows.  LD was with a friend in town.

HD interrupts our paint sesh to tell us there were two new calves.  So we all stop our projects and head out to see.

My best gal, Matilda, went and had herself a baby bow that has a matching face like hers.

And then this unknown gal had a baby as well.

Fun times.

We went back to painting and did online church and lunch.  While we were eating, I noticed two new-ish calves (not the newborns) had decided to be brave and venture down to a hay bale near the house.

I called out, “Hello!” to them.  As people do.  And I scared the living daylights out of them and they booked it on out of there.

The kids ditched us for social activities and David and I worked on the apartment.  I can be trusted to paint, so that is ALL I did and I was so over it by the end of the day, but we got it done and we are ready for flooring.

David started spreading a mud like/concrete like substance around and I literally have no idea why.

I do not understand anything about any of this.  He probably thinks I am a goose.  But I know what a dipthong is, so he is probably in awe of me, too.

We came inside and I was able to actually make something for dinner.  David went to bed and the dogs and I *stayed up* to wait for the kids to come home.

Happy Monday.

We are having lots of stress over here, Reader.  Everything is broken and everything is costing money.  All the farm machines are down.  David’s truck has to go to the mechanic every 5 weeks because it is so high maintenance.  Everything is getting a flat tire.  My car needs to go to the mechanic for reasons I do not understand nor care to learn about.

You know what is never good?  When David says this sentence:

“I need to talk to you about a couple of things tonight.”

Those are the conversations where I find out that broken down skidsteers need engines that cost TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

But, I digress.

Let’s talk about yesterday.

We got a new layer of fresh snow the night before.  We are at the point of winter where we are in denial and no longer care.  In Novemeber, everyone is all, “how are the roads” “did it snow”  “is it slick”  “I should leave early.”

We are over it now and nonchalant.  And it is probably not a good thing.  Now it is more like,

“Everyone get in the car!  Oh, shoot!  We got more snow!  Somebody go clear off the car!”

Yesterday was one such day.

The three Maliblahblah children left before me.  As I was finishing up getting ready, LD sends me these exact three texts in rapid succession.

“We going to be late.”

“The heater is working.”

“We can’t see out the windshield.”

?

So, I call him and he has the phone on speaker and Hadley is shout/panicking.

Me:  Where are you?

Hadley: DRIVING DOWN THE BIG HILL.  NOTHING IS WORKING.  LIKE HEAT AND DEFROST.

Me:  Ok.  Are you pulled over or still able to drive?

Hadley:  I CAN DRIVE.

Me:  Ok, just take it slow and I will call your school and explain you will be late.

And I do just that.

Meanwhile, it is time for me, myself, to go and get my rig ready for the drive to town.  And, Reader.  Would you like to know what I did?

I started my car.  And then I locked myself out of my car.

Rookie mistake.

The only other vehicle option is David’s gigantic truck, but the stock trailer is hitched to it.  And guess who doesn’t know how to remove a fifth wheel trailer hitch thing?

I call David.  David is always emotionally stable, unlike myself, and it is a comfort when things are dicey.

Me:  Yeah.  My car is running and I am locked out.  I need to take the truck, but the stock trailer is hitched to it.

David (unphased):  Alright.  I will need to talk you through unhitching it.  You are going to need mud boots and gloves.

See?  Cool as a cucumber.  Weird-O.

He tells me to go start the truck to warm it up.  This was our first mistake.  I cannot hear well, and I especially cannot hear when a diesel engine is roaring in the background.

Reader, I tried.  I really did.  I completed a few steps with proficiency, but everytime I had to do something, I put the phone down so I could use both hands.  My phone began to get displeased at this because I kept putting it in fresh snow.  In order to accomplish the necessary tasks of unhitching, I had to climb up into the flat bed and got my pants all soaked.

And I am sure David was making complete sense to peoples that know about these things, but to me, he was sounding like an insane, crazy person.

David:  Do you see a metal handle?

Me:  Yes!

David:  The handle has a pin and you need to remove the pin and pull up and put a pin in the hole and remove a pin and put a pin over there and then secure a pin.

Me:  OK!  I HAVE TO PUT THE PHONE DOWN.

I try to do lots of activities involving pins.  I only see one pin.  And then I see the handle, but I am not strong enough to make the handle budge.

Me:  David!  I am unable to move the handle!

David:  Ok.  You are going to need a sledgehammer.

So, I try sledgehammering and I am covered in mud and snow. Even with a sledgehammer, I am still weak and useless and made no progress on handles and pins and pins and handles and pins.  My phone shuts down due to potential water damage and it is now the point in the morning where I have to accept defeat and get my wet hiney inside to write emergency sub plans. And, also, I cried out of frustration.

David was able to come home about 3 hours later.  Surprisingly, my car was still running and had not run out of gas.  David knows how to break into vehicles, which is always a fine quality to have in a spouse, and he got my car open in about 2 minutes.  And then I toodled off to school with dry pants and a crying headache.

My students were a bit out of sorts from the surprise emergency sub, and I was trying to complete a required, yet difficult, universal assessment.

And Poor Mack did not handle things well.

Mack loves everything about school and is always 100% in.  This assessment was too much for him and I think he got a bit frustrated, which was totally understandable.  He started to come up to me and tell me his head hurt.  Mack never says he isn’t feeling well.  In fact, one day, I could tell he was out of sorts and I felt his head.  He had a fever and was upset and did not want to leave.  So, for Mack to tell me his head hurt was pretty out of character.

I checked his temp and he wasn’t sick. He wouldn’t stop complaining about his head, so out of desperation, I put my coat down on the floor and said he should try to lay down and rest his eyes for a minute.

And he fell asleep.  Right there on the floor.  Precious pumpkin.  I think the assessment was too much for him and he got overwhelmed.

About 20 minutes later, he sits up and loudly announces to everyone:

“Yay!  My head is better!”

And then he and I played ball at recess.  I love him.

After school, I had to get the boys and get them to-you guessed it-a basketball game.  I call David to touch base and he says this sentence:

“Yeah.  We had a huge debacle with Hadley’s car.”

Ok.  Two things.

1.  Let us be impressed with David’s use of the word debacle.
2. How does David stay so calm with ALL THE BROKEN THINGS?  And still work as an electrician?

I don’t know.  I just cannot even keep up.  Somehow he was able to help her arrange getting her heater/defrost working and get to her basketball game on time.  And then he had to help me get my car to the mechanic and I am excited to find out how much that will cost.

We got home late-maybe 10pm.  The dogs were bouncing off the walls because they missed us and David still needed to feed some cows.   He opened up a grain sack and a bunch of quail flew out and the dogs went all nuts and murdered two of them and then dropped them on the front porch as a gift.

When David came inside, he brought the dead quail and put them in our kitchen trash can.

?

Charlie, the dog, discovered this and pulled the quail out.  So there was a dead quail on the living room floor.  At 10 pm.

Me:  Why did you bring the dead quails inside?

David:  Where else am I supposed to put them?

And, reader.  I didn’t have an answer for him, but there are lots of disgusting things that happen over here and he doesn’t bring everything in the house and I don’t know anymore, but I do know that yesterday was like the longest day ever.

I should have probably taken a nap at the same time as Mack did.

So.  Right before I started to write this blog post this morning, David called me.

David:  Yeah.  Charlie wasn’t put in her kennel last night and when I woke up, she had gotten into the garbage again.  And I didn’t see it anywhere, but there’s a good chance there’s a dead quail somewhere in the house.”

Here’s to hoping today goes a bit more smoothly.

A couple of weeks ago, I had to arrange for a sub for a half day so I could do ALL the grown up errands with HD:  Order new glasses frames, because-

We also had to go to the DMV to get his permit for Driver’s Ed.

!

I know.

AND-we went to the bank and got his first debit card and then got his braces off.

So.  That was quite the day.  And soon after that day, I got sick.  And I would like to announce that I, yes, I, Taylor  Maliblahblah got THE RONA for the first time since this pandemic hath begun.

Me the first 36 hours:  I am going to die.

Me the next week:  I suppose it shan’t kill me.  But it IS kicking my butt.

The worst part?

Sub plans.

But I made them and the peoples at my school helped me and printed them for me and someone lovingly took my class and it is all over now.

I have this one little student-and he really doesn’t like it if I am gone.  And can you blame him?  I am an utter delight.

After I came back, he tugged on my shirt.

“Mrs. M.  I am SEEEWEEOUS (serious).  I MISS you when you aren’t here.”

And that’s why I have the bestest job in the whole wide world.  And I would have way rather been with them then home sick with Rona.

Basketball is winding down for the high school seasons.

Both boys play on JV and they just won their league championship game.

HD (freshman) got a lot of playing time and his team really plays well together.  He is #11.

He is excited for next year and hopeful for more Varsity time.  We shall see.

LD (8th grade) got some good playing time in and is really excited for his junior high season, which is starting soon.  He is #21 and in this video, he gets a rebound a makes a shot.

Varsity boys are wrapping up as well.  HD is a swing player and gets to join Varsity and play a bit.  They had an important game coming up.

HD:  Coach wants us to look nice.  Like button down shirts.

Me:  Well, how is that going to work with your school uniforms?

HD (annoyed, as always):  Mom.  We will have to CHANGE after school into our nice clothes.

Me:  So, you are going to school in your uniform, changing into dress clothes, walking into the gym, and then changing into your jersey?

HD:  Yes.

Hadley’s girls varsity team is also winding down.  She will have her senior night soon and then their team will play for the championship.  They had a VERY intense game and her coach was VERY concerned about getting the win.

VERY.

Hadley (#23) made an error right away and the coach called a time out 30 seconds into the game just to yell at her.  So that was special.  But then she made a three pointer.

They lost by ONE POINT.  It was a very stressful game and I feared the coach might have a heart attack right there on the court.  He was all intense and yelling and then would yell at Hadley-

“Hadley!  Smile! This is your senior year!  This is supposed to be fun!”

My favorite yell of the night was when he yelled to one of the hardest working players I have ever seen-

“SYMONE!  Play BASKETBALL!”

Oh, LD and I got quite the chuckle out of that one and will randomly say that to each other now from time to time.  Oh, for the stress of it all.

The apartment is coming along.  David is all that is man and getting it done, sometimes with the help of others, sometimes without.

We are now ready to prime and paint.  Then flooring and cabinets.  Or so it has been explained to me.

Later, Dudes.

So we are going to take a space that looks like this

And make into a living space for Auntie Datenut.

Yes.  We are going to move Auntie from southern Cali to an apartment located in our very own shop.  The goal is to have this finished and go grab her and move her up here over Spring Break.

We started on New Year’s Day and the temperature was a balmy 12 degrees.  And I learned something!

I learned empathy.  For David.

Poor David Maliblahblah works outside from dawn till dusk and he comes home and he wants the house to be like 87 degrees and I want it to be like 68 degrees and the poor guy is always freezing and I’m like, “I need the fan on.”

Well.  On Day One of our apartment work, I worked outside for an exteneded period of time.  I came inside and noticed my legs were frozen.  My torso was fine because I did a better job of layering, but my legs-frozen.  As they began to thaw, I felt cold unlike any other cold I have ever experienced.

Me:  David!  I get it!  Now, I see why you are so cold!

David:  Super.  Only took 21 years.

Rest assured, I will still need a fan, but he gets a heated blanket.

For his side of the bed.

Anyways.  Day one was relocate all junk that we don’t know what to do with to other places on our property and tear down some sheet rock.

On Day 2, we had to add width to the 2×4’s to make them 2×6’s and we took out old lighting and installed new lighting.

So. Stay tuned.

***

We need to talk about Mack and his gloves.  For they will be death of me.

Wednesday morning.

On Wednesday morning, I am about to start the day.  My para for reading interventions comes into touch base with me regarding Mack.  The two of us come up with a game plan on how to help him a bit better during interventions.

Me:  Sounds good, but he isn’t here today.

Para:  Oh.  He is.  He is upset and in the cafeteria because someone has stolen his glove.

Me:  You mean the glove right there that he left on his desk after school yesterday?

Here’s what I think is going on, Reader.

I think Mack’s mom is probably fit to be tied with this boy losing things.  So she gives him a pep talk about how he had better not come home with only one glove.

Mack cannot focus long enough in life to ever keep track of two gloves, bless his heart.  He will inevitably lose track of a glove and then he completely loses his mind and cries and everything in our classroom must come to a half because he cannot find his glove and his mom will be so mad.

So, he comes in, hiccuping from crying.  I show him the glove.  Glove freak out sesssions happened about five more times throughout the day, Reader.

Mack (wailing):  AHH!!  I CANNOT FIND MY GLOVE!

I look over in his direction and see the glove stuck inside his jacket sleeve.  Because he didn’t take the glove off before taking the jacket off.

Me:  Look at the jacket you are holding, bud.

This goes on and on and on.  He left for the bus and then he came running, and I mean RUNNING back and threw open his locker, started wailing, and shouted:

“I CANNOT FIND MY GLOVE!”

It was in his backpack.

Thursday Morning.

He comes in.  He has his gloves on and he starts to take off his winter gear to be ready for learning.  Gloves are falling on the floor and Mack is spinning circles.

Me:  Dude.  I cannot.  I canNOT.  You must keep track of those gloves today.

May the Lord bless me and keep me.

I noticed my kids were needing a “Come to Jesus” meeting about focusing and doing their best during learning times.  I was apparently very inspirational, because Mack came up to me every hour on the hour to hug me and say:

“Ms.  D!  I want to learn!”

Oh!  Fun fact!  He calls me the name of his kindergarten teacher.

Has done it all year.

Me:  Hi.  I am Mrs. M.  and yes!  I am so proud of you!  You are a good learner.

Mere seconds later, I am trying to teach and Mack is completely turned around facing the opposite direction, trying to take the strings from his winter boots and hook then around his knees.

Me:  Hey, buddy?  Remember how you wanted to learn?  Now’s your moment!

And . . . . I love him.

***

We had a calf born during our super cold spell.

Can you imagine the horror that poor baby felt?  Leaving that warm cow tummy and plopping onto the snow with an outside temp of 10?

Every day, I try to check on it to make sure it hasn’t turned into a Calfsickle.

So far, so good.

On Christmas Eve, David took Hadley and the boys outside for some cow sorting and other ranching chores.  This is all part of the fun that is called “Living with David.”  I am like a tornado of stress trying to get Christmas to happen, and he’s squeezing in last minute castrations.

We are to leave at 11am and I am in the house doing all things Christmas-y.  Kate is also in the house with me.  Out of nowhere, Kate comes running to me shouting, “DAD IS HURT.” And Kate grabs our first aid kit and goes to assist her father.  David is being his usual, “I’m fine, everything’s fine” self as blood is gushing out of him.  Kate, now a CNA, is trying to be the boss of him and he is simply not having it.  He kinda of wraps up his hand and goes out to finish his chores.

Kate:  MOM!  He needs stitches!

Me:  Ok, Kate.  I will do my best to get him there.

I switch gears knowing that I will be sending the kids with food in one car to the first party while I take a fussy David to the urgent care.  Hadley and the boys come in to start getting cleaned up for town. I ask Kate to start loading cars and she comes in with a very important mission.

Kate:  MOM!  I need Hadley.  WHERE IS HADLEY?

Me:  I don’t know.  What’s going on?

Kate:  ONE OF THE BOYS PUT COW BALLS ON HER CAR.  IF I WERE HER I WOULD BE SOOOOO MAD, SO I NEED TO SHOW HER.  I TOOK A PICTURE.

Hadley turns into a rage of anger and fury.  Hadley is a pretty easy going gal, but when she is mad-watch out!  Her boyfriend call her “Madley” when she gets into this state, and he risks his life each time he calls her “Madley” when she is this angry.

Let’s move on.

I cannot find my fussy patient, but I see HD.

Me:  Did you put the cow balls on Hadley’s car?

HD (laughing):  No, but that’s hilarious.

Me:  I need to take your dad to the doctor.  Can you please remove them for your sister?

So, HD leaves to take care of the situation.  I find David.  David has to argue with me about the necessity of stitches, I argue back, and somehow I win.  We walk outside just as HD is returning from his ball removing mission.

David:  What happened to the cow balls?

David is cranky.  If you asked him in this moment, he would deny all crankiness and say he was “fine.”  But, Reader.  He was not fine.  He was fussy and had a moderate to severe hand wound.

HD:  I got a shovel and I chucked them into the woods.

This did not please David.  Which was confusing to all parties, as David normally just tosses them into the woods.  And what a happy surprise for all the little squirrels and birds of the forest, yes?

David is obviously perturbed and poor HD is trying to figure out how to fix the situation.

HD:  Dad?  I don’t get it?  Were you wanting to eat them?

David won’t answer so I tell HD to go and retrieve said balls and put them in a bucket and place the bucket in the shop and I begin the drive to town.

Me:  Did you know someone put cow balls on Hadley’s car?

David:  YES!  It was me!  All I wanted was a picture!

Me:  THAT’S why you got mad at HD?  Poor kid.  He was just listening to me.  And Kate got a picture already.

So then David called a very confused HD, who had already found the balls in the woods, and told him never mind.

We should write a parenting book, yes?

We get to the urgent care and David has the audacity to grill the nurse on the necessity of the stitches.  Which is every health care worker’s dream on Christmas Eve.

Finally the doctor comes in.  He is aghast at the wound and impressed that David did not sever anything major.  He examines it very closely.

Doc:  Whoa, there is like tons of cow hair and junk in here.  I am going to have to irrigate the heck out of this thing.

As the doctor is tending to the wound, he tells David he is going to be sent home with an antibiotic, and it is important that he take it.

David:  Well, I already gave myself a shot of LA 200.

Me:  WHAT?!

Doc:  What is that?

Me:  It is an antibiotic for CATTLE.  David!?  You gave yourself cow medicine?

David:  Yeah.  Figured it would be cheaper than going to a doctor.

Me:  Doctor-is he going to be ok?!

Doctor:  I have absolutely no idea.

So, as the doctor is scrubbing the cow hair out of David’s flesh, I googled LA 200 and read what I could find to the doctor and we decided he would probably live through it, but still should take the human antibiotic.

He received 12 stitches.

So.  That was that.  And I am waiting with bated breath for David to get me that “Number One Wife” t-shirt I so greatly deserve.

Christmas was fine and fun and lovely.  We hosted Christmas dinner, and I didn’t notice until it was too late, but look at what my Christmas porch looked like the ONE time we had GUESTS.

Here is a cute Christmas picture of Rio.  To make up for the past three horrific photos.

It has been nice having all four kids home. Today they are going sledding.

Happy Sunday.

We are back from our vacation to sunny southern California.

From left – right

Hadley, Me, David, LD, Mom, HD, and Dad.

Kate could not join us this time-our first family trip without her!  How weird is that?

We went to the ocean.

We made all of LD’s dreams come true, and we went to In-N-Out . . . twice!

We went and visited Auntie Datenut.  Have I told you that David is building an apartment for Auntie Datenut and she will be living on our property soon?  It’s true.

Anyways.  We quick grabbed Auntie and we booked it to Palm Springs to visit our favorite Italian restaurant.  On the way, we stopped at Hadley’s and had to get a picture of Hadley at Hadley’s.

Here I am with Auntie at the pizza place.  I neglected to bring my coat to sunny southern California, so my dad lent me his.  And that is just plain nice.

We also went to Disneyland and had a fun, quick trip.

***

This popped up in my memories and I just feel it needs to be reshared:

It was a note the boys put on their bedroom door years ago in an attempt to keep their sisters out of their room.

It reads:  No girls, so that means Kate and Hadley can not go in the boy room when we are naked.  Yes mom you can come 🙂

The last sentence with the smiley face just adds an extra level of creepiness that I will always appreciate.

***
You might recall how David annihilated my fall porch decor-

Look what he did to my Christmas time porch-

The dude has a 30×60 shop, yet this is where the cow dewormer must reside?

Alright.

Happy Wednesday.