The Lumberjack's Wife

For the third time this year, someone close to me has had to say goodbye to their baby.  My heart aches.  I don’t understand why.  I don’t know what to say.

What can I say?

“In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

Life is precious and I am so blessed.  I have four healthy children and a husband who loves me. 

Today, I am going to have a tea party with my girls.  I will play trains with my boys.  I will snuggle and read extra books.

I will cherish each moment.

I do not know what each day will bring.  I do not know what trials may come my way.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'” Lamentations 3:21-24

Great is His faithfulness.

Take time to love on your kids today and please pray for my dear friend who lost her baby this week.

I came home from my Wednesday Funtivities last night and my husband showed us his latest find:

Apparently he heard Lucy barking and discovered this turtle when he went to investigate.  Our property could be described as “rolling hills,” so there is a lot of little ponds around from the snow melt and such. 

Handsome Dude has been telling me about the “big worms” he sees when he is playing.  I saw a HUGE snake the other day out there and it dawned on me that he is probably calling snakes “big worms.”

It gives me the pee-pee shivers.

After the kids got a good look at it, we walked it down to the pond-ish areas and let it swim away.

And I must admit this to you all:  I am greatly disturbed.

For I truly know not what is out there, lurking about in my rolling hills.

***

We had a movie night last night.  We decided to finally let the kids watch the newer version of “The Chronicles of Narnia.”  I wasn’t sure if it would be too scary.  Well, the girls liked it, and I think some parts were intense for them, but they were not terrified.

The boys, however . . .

My poor boys.  I just kind of mesh them into the girls these days.  No.  They are not old enough to watch “The Chronicles of Narnia.”  I have bad parenting skills.  Little Dude kept jumping up and shouting:

“SCARY!  WEE SCARY!”

Then he would dive onto me and bury his face into my stomach, which is known for its comforting, pillow-like qualities.

He would decide that he was brave enough again when the scary parts were over.  He would slowly back down off of me.  I, being the mature mother that I am, would pretend to cry so he would stay and snuggle with me.

He is my last baby, you know.

He would smile and say, “I love Mommy!  A lot! “

And leave.

Only to dive back as soon as terror struck again.

Handsome Dude sat with his eyes glued to the TV and his hands covering his ears the entire time.

I think he got confused as to which of his senses he should be covering.  But what-evs.

So.  We tricked the boys and told them we were all going to bed.  Then we let the girls come back up to finish the movie.

Because, apparently, I believe in scaring and tricking my preschoolers.

***

Thank you all for your snack suggestions this week.

I can safely say I have been starving my children in the snack department.  I usually do something like a banana or a graham cracker.

Some of the suggestions I got were: nachos, calzones, and parfaits.

You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, “Let’s get some parfait,” they say, “Heck no, I don’t like no parfait”? Parfaits are delicious!

Name that movie.

I always thought things such as nachos and calzones were meals!  Silly me!

I don’t know if I have time to create such feasts for my children, though.

Perhaps I will just bump up their cracker rations.

***

I have more questions for you all.

Don’t pretend you aren’t excited.

Feel free to answer one or all or none.

The choice is yours.

1.  If you homeschool, what do you use for Bible?  I am thinking of shaking things up.  As much as one should shake up a Bible curriculum, of course.

2.  What are some books your kids have enjoyed?  I have a 2nd and 1st grader.  We have been listening to some books on cd.  Some recent favorites are:

The Tale of Despereaux

Because of Winn-Dixie

The Chronicles of Narnia series

The Little House on the Prairie series

3.  Why are there turltes and snakes on my property?  Do you think there could be bears?

4.   If there are bears I am moving.  This is not a question.  It is a statement.  And a very reasonable statement, too.

5.  Why do people say “Woot!”?  Where did it come from?  I prefer “Woo-hoo.”  Seems a little more appropriate for a woman who is about to turn 30, such as myself.

6.  My mom thinks people can 3-way text, sort of like 3-way call.  Do you?

7.  If you homeschool, what is your favorite part?  Mine is getting to do school with them.  I love our curriculum and I love learning with them.  We are actually having a lot of fun.

8.  What is the worst part about homeschooling?  Mine is trying to keep the boys occupado and feeling insecure.  I often wonder if I am doing things “the right way.”  And laundry.  I just think laundry brings out the worst in everything.

9.  Speaking of laundry, all of our whites are slowly turning a dingy rust color, on account of our well water.  This is just wrong.  And, yes, I use bleach.  Has anyone else ever encountered this problem?

10.  What is your favorite, quick main dish recipe?  I just discovered one that seemed simple enough.  Buy 1 pound of chicken strips from the deli and slice them into thirds.  Place them in a 13×9 pan and cover with a jar of spaghetti sauce and mozzerella cheese and bake for 30 minutes at 350.  Super easy way to make chicken parmesan.  I served it with spaghetti noodles.

11.  That was a lie.  I served it to no one. I made it and then I told my husband I was at my witt’s end.  And he, being the loving husband that he is, told me to go for a walk and he would deal with serving the children the meal.

Holla, David.

Holla.

Happy Thursday!

I know what you are thinking:

“How can I  homeschool my children in this fantastic of a way, such as my cyber-pal, Taylor?”

Yes.  It’s true.  I’ve got skills.

Or skillz.  Whichever you prefer.

Alright.  I don’t have skills.  But I am able to show my kids the importance of a brain and/or brain fluid by simply using an egg, a plastic container, water, and two goofy girls.

Lest any of you are confused, I am not a superb homeschooling parent.  Nay.  I am an “adequate” homeschooling parent who is hoping to to not mess up her kids whilst awaiting for an excellent school to open up down the road, next to the bison and horses and deers and such.

Ah.  Today was a day.  But aren’t all days?

You know those days that seem to go on and on forever?

 And you are certain that your husband will never arrive home to save you from the wrath of Handsome Dude’s fury over who-knows-what and Little Dude’s refusal to put on his own pants after a successful elimination?

You know those days where you just look gross?  And your hair looks like your dog’s?  And no matter how many layers you strategically drape over your mid-section, you just can’t seem to achieve that svelte look you were hoping for?

And you want a brownie and quiet?

Today is one such day.

But that is neither here nor there.

Let us move on to more enjoyable topics.

1.  We went to the movies last night.  We saw Pirates of the Caribbean and ate gobs and gobs of popcorn.

2.  I was uber proud of myself for following the entire plot of this Pirates movie from beginning to end. 

3.  I am ashamed to admit that I have never, ever, understood a Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

4.  And don’t even get me started on Lord of the Rings.

5.  David finally figured out that if he turns on closed captioning during the movie, I stand half a chance of understanding what is going on.  Alas.  I cannot do this in a movie.

6.  This is the woman he has entrusted with the education of his four, fine children.

7.  For years I would not let my girls have Barbies.  I felt they were way too grown up.  Finally, one year, I gave my mom the ok to purchase them Barbies.  I told her to go easy.

8.  Her first purchase?  The Hot Tub Party Bus.

9.  There was no turning back. 

10.  My kids are ravenous beasts these days.  The sentence I hear and dread regularly is:

“Mom!  Can I have a little snack?”

11.  When does the kitchen close?

12.  I need snack ideas. 

13.  I am fatigued today.

14.  I have a friend coming over tomorrow.  This excites me deep in my innermost being.  She is bringing me coffee and wants to get my advice on homeschooling.

ha!

Is it wrong to take coffee from someone who is expecting good advice when you have none such advice to give?

I vote no!

15.  I have nothing to blog about.

16.  Can you tell?

17.  I think I should go work on my physical appearance before my husband gets home.

18.  If he ever gets home.

19.  Or maybe I don’t care.

20.  No.  I do care.

21.  Kind of.

Alright.

What do you feed your ravenous kids as snacks?

I need ideas, peeps.

Happy Tuesday!

Hold on to your pants, folks.

We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.

And not one bit of it matters in the grand scheme of things.

***

 The three eldest graduated from Awana last week.

My poor Handsome Dude . . . his glasses broke mere seconds before going on stage.

Are we surprised?

No, we are not.

The poor lad was all turned around and cross-eyed and full of bewilderment while being commended for his achievements.

Daisy Mae finishing up her 2nd year of Sparks.

Are you confused on what this so-called “Spark” is?

You are not alone, dear reader.

This was Sweet Pea’s shining moment.  She has been waiting for this plaque for three, long years.

She stood up on that stage, held her head high, and was trying her hardest not to grin.

Are you wondering where Sweet Pea’s glasses are?

They are lost somewhere in the hotel from Jason’s wedding. 

Are we surprised?

Yes.  We are.  And feeling quite poor, might I add.  And a little like we need a better game plan in the glasses department.

***

The girls had a friend stay the night this week.  They spent all day preparing and playing “church.”

Their church was called, “A New Life.”  They had the lesson and then the congregation (and by congregation, I mean, myself and the rabbits) had to stand and sing songs.

Daisy Mae was the “music” and just hummed loudly whilst sitting atop the 4 wheeler.

The girls had even made us little homework books to take home and work on.

The church service ended abruptly when the girls switched to singing songs from “High School Musical” and Little Dude decided to grace us all with his pants-less presence.

Classy, Little Dude.

Classy.

***

Handsome Dude is growing up fast.  Perhaps it is because he eats about 10 slices of bread a day.

He has taken to riding a bike, sans training wheels, and is quite the speedy little guy.  He loves it if I take him up the road to see the bison.

Yes.  I have bison on my road.

Do you?

He absolutely loves this shirt his Aunt Lisa found for him:

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can guess why.

***

I spent the entire day on Saturday getting all of my curriculum sorted out for next year’s homeschooling adventures.

And I use the term “adventures” quite loosely.

Quite.

I was super excited to get a smokin’ deal on the Latin curriculum I was purchasing.

I saved like $25 by finding it on Ebay!

This excites you, too, doesn’t it, dear reader?

So, yes.  My kids might be from Ruralville.

However, they will be those hoity-toity kids from Ruralville who live near the bison and the nudist resort and can speak Latin . . .

and refuse to pull their pants up all by themselves.

Latin!

Look at me and my bad, homeschooling self!

Don’t pretend you aren’t impressed.

David:  Why are you teaching them Latin?

Me:  I don’t remember.  But the book I am following said to, so we are doing it.

David:  Sounds good.

***

I am kind of, sort of liking living in Ruralville.

*!*

I know, I know.  Tis shocking.

But we have had such lovely weather these days and I have been able to sneak out of the house and walk up and down the driveway, enjoying the sunshine and pretending that walking for a half hour a day will solve all of my swimsuit issues.

My genius phone has an app for recording your distance/calories burned.

Plus, my I can listen to Pandora whilst feigning to work up a sweat!

I love it.

Hmmm.  Maybe I don’t love living in Ruralville.  Perhaps I just love my phone.

Something to ponder.

***

Whenever Little Dude is in the process of being disciplined these days, he just wails over and over again:
“But I LOVE you!  I Cokey!  And I LOVE you!”

Nice try, Dude.

***

Daisy Mae asked if there were cars back when David was born.

***

What did the boy mushroom say to the girl mushroom?

“Why don’t you like me?  I’m a Fungi.”

Get it?

Do you get it?

Do you?

***

Yes.  That joke was uber dumb.

***

Little Dude asks me daily if I have a baby in my tummy.

Perhaps I should up my walk to 35 minutes, instead of 30.

***

Nah.

That’s crazy talk.

***

The other day I saw an elk.

Fascinating, I know.

I noticed the elk was in velvet.  Naturally, I had to inform David post haste that the elk were in velvet.

This was not news to him.

However, I found it most enjoyable to prove to him that I do, in fact, retain bits of information from his endless, dronings-on regarding the mysterious ways of wild game.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who knows what I mean when I say the elk are in velvet.

I am full of meaningless points today, aren’t I?

***

David and I might go on a D-A-T-E tonight!

Woo Hoo!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend!

Happy Monday!

A Thursday List.

1.  I missed a golden opportunity this week.  Golden, I tell you.  UPS had delivered a package to us that did not belong to us.

Fun Fact:  I have the world’s friendliest UPS man.  He visits with the kids, asks me how homeschooling is going, and even feigns to enjoy Lucy jumping all over him.

I think it is because we live in the country, now.  My UPS man when I lived in town never spoke to me once.

There is like a country code out here.  You seem someone, you wave.  Someone comes to your door, you are nice.  It’s the rules.

But that is neither here nor there.

2.  I walked down the road and could not find the house that matched the address.  So I had to call a 1-800 number.

My children cowered in fear as I looked like an insane-crazy person shouting “Agent!  Agent!  Representative!  Anyone!”  at the darn automated voice system.

I really hate those.

In the end, UPS called the rightful owner and rightful owner told them he would just take a stroll down yonder country road and pick the package up from me.

3.  And this, dear friends, is where I missed my golden opportunity.  We haven’t met many of the folks that live in these here parts.

And this man was nice.

He visited with all the children.  He even understood what Little Dude said without need of me as an interpreter.

Apparently he and his wife are retired school teachers.  And they miss being around children.  And they love it when they hear the sounds of our children playing outside.

*!*

Why did I not ask him if he wanted to just teach my children?  Problem solved!

Win, win, win!

(Name that TV show)

4.  Has anyone ever noticed that my lists don’t make any sense?  I just start a new number whenever I feel like it.  This blog sure is top notch.

5.  Speaking of “top notch blogging,”  I was picking my girls up from piano yesterday.  The lovely teacher asked my boys if they were feeling any better from their illnesses as of late.  Daisy Mae informed her that they were fine except they still had diahrrea.

Which was not true.  But that is not the point.

The teacher looked shocked and said, “Wow!  Well, that was definitely more information than I needed to hear!”

Which got me thinking  . . . my blog is basically an entire collection of things people probably don’t want to hear.

I have talked about diarrhea so much as of late, that I don’t even need to check how to spell the word diarrhea anymore.

And that is a pretty hard word to spell, admit it, dear readers.

6.  I have discovered why I will always have a flabby belly.  It is my lot in life and I shall not ever be able to change it.

It will forever be a thorn in my side, my burden to bear.

Allow me to explain:

I wrote about this a long time ago, but do you remember when I started using that weighted hula hoop?

And I messed up my neck really bad because I was apparently holding my neck all special-like while hula-hooping it up?

Well.  My new sister-in-law, Holly, is one of those “exercising” types.  Yes.  She likes to sweat and push herself and abstain from scores and scores of peanut M&M’s.

Yes.  She is one of those people.

So I pleaded with her to help me.  And she sent me a pilates DVD.

And guess what?

MY NECK HURTS . . . REALLY, REALLY BAD.

Apparently my neck is my own worst enemy and will never allow me to adequately do a decent abdominal calisthenic.  Therefore, I shall always have a muffin top.

Darn neck.

8.  If you would be so kind as to vote for me in this here contest, I would be much obliged.

I am currently number 6!

Woo hoo!

Click here to vote.

Thank you, kindly.  I really appreciate it.

Happy Thursday!

I must inform you all that my Handsome Dude is changing a bit.

I think the days of his extreme shenanigans are coming to be a thing of the past.

Yes!  I’m serious, Reader!

These days, he prides himself on doing what he is supposed to do.  For example, here is a conversation Handsome Dude and I had right after swimming in the pool at the hotel this weekend:

HD (short for Handsome Dude . . . keep up, people!):  Mom?!  Did I splash?  Or no?

He was standing in the hotel room, dripping wet, with his hand up in the air, almost as if he were taking an oath.

Me:  No!  You did not!  You listened to Mommy.  Thank you, buddy!

HD:  Mom!?  Alex!  Did Alex splash in the pool?

Alex is Handsome Dude’s uncle.  Remember Alex?

Alex is basically a grown up version of my dudes.  You never can be sure of what he is going to do next and you must always keep an eye on him.

Me:  Yes.  Uncle Alex did splash a bit in the pool.

Alex was doing cannon balls and cartwheels into the pool and roaring and chasing and all sorts of naughty things of the like.

HD:  But I not!  No!  Not me!

His hand is still in oath-taking position.

HD:  Alex needs a time out.

Yes.  Now, Handsome Dude prides himself on making the right choice.  And he is assuming position of the morality police and starting to become a bit of an informer of the wrongs of others.

Kind of annoying, but much better than his previous position of Chief of Driving Mother Insane.

Now, my Handsome Dude, loves to help me out.  Without me asking, he will go throughout the house, gather each hamper, and deliver all of the dirty clothes to the laundry room for me.  He also loves to round up all of the trash cans, empty them into the main trash, and take the trash out for me.  He even asks if he can go pick up trash outside.

Oh.

Be.

Still.

My.

Heart.

And, yes.  We have garbage outside.  We are some of those people.  But it is not our fault.  It is the fault of our dog, Lucy.

LucyFur

Anyways.  I figure I am always telling you all of the naughtiness my Handsome Dude causes.  But I wanted to make sure I remember to tell you that he is also a precious boy who warms my heart.

When I handed him his ironed shirt the other day, he hugged me and said, “Thanks, Mom!  You’re the best!  The BEST!”

When his Aunt Lisa had surprised him with some new clothes she found for him while garage saleing, he was overcome with joy, hugged the clothes and shouted, “Mom!  Lisa is Ca-Ray-Zay!”

Attention Lisa:  I am pretty sure he means “crazy” in a good way in this instance.

When he opened his gift from Jason and Amy for his services as Ring Bearer Extraordinaire, he proclaimed, “Amazing!  Just amazing! Thank you!”

The Dude is ravenous these days.

It is not uncommon for him to eat TWO sandwiches at lunch and then tell me he is “wee hungry” about an hour later.

“Mom!  I just so hungry all the time!”

Yesterday, I pulled a fast one on him and fed him a tuna sandwich instead of his favorite peanut butter and jelly.

“Mom!  I just can’t eat this!  It’s so icks-dusting!”

Lest any of you are confused, icks-dusting is more commonly pronounced “disgusting.”

But my starving boy ate every morsel of his icks-dusting sandwich and even informed me moments later:

“Mom!  I just so hungry all the time!”

I know the doctor told me he was going to grow to be about 6’4″, but I did not expect for it to happen before he turned 5.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

I decided to try and do a little preschool with the dudes yesterday.  My girls knew far more about letters and such at the boys’ ages than the boys do now and I am feeling a tiddly-bit worried about it.

So, yesterday we started with the letter “A.”

A fine place to start, don’t you think?

I wrote a letter “A” on each of their papers and asked them to try to copy it.

Oh, for the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

They just cried and drew circles.

It was almost as if their hands were possessed and could only move in a circular fashion.

It was incredulous.

I fear I have a long journey ahead of me, dear Reader.

But, they learned what the “A” says.  So that’s encouraging.  And they also learned the number “1.”

And we had a breakthrough.

They were both able to write the number “1” and it did not look like a circle!

Progress!

So, now Little Dude has another chant that he repeats over and over again.

Remember his original chant?

“My bunny’s name is Screamer.  I’m two.  I’m this many!”

(He would say it holding up 5 fingers)

Now he repeats:

“A says ‘a’ like apple. One!”

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

I was having an issue with my IPod.  You see, dear readers, we had this laptop many moons ago that had our ITunes on it.

But it broke, on account of the children.

Fun fact:  We blame everything on the children.

Anyways, it broke and now our Itunes is locked away on this broken laptop, rendering our IPod frozen in time.

Because, and correct me if I am wrong, if I tried to ever load another song on it from a new ITunes account, I would lose all my other songs.

I think.

So, I have this friend.  Her name is Brandi.  And her husband is one of those computer genius types.

So, he told me to bring me the IPod and new laptop and he would fix me right up.

And he did!

Holla, Bob!

But I had a horrifying remebrance as we drove away from Bob and Brandi’s house.

David got me that IPod for Christmas one year.  Apparently, you are supposed to “name” your IPod.

Well.  My husband named my IPOD:

“Taylor the Hottie.”

Now, I fear that Bob thinks I am uber conceited

Plus he goes to my church.

And he leads the music.

Awkward.

Bob and Brandi have a  three year old boy.  He was very excited to see David and I when we were there picking up our laptop and conceited IPod.

David is his teacher at church.

Anyways, David and Bob were talking manly-man computer-ish stuff and Brandi and I were bemoaning the fact that she was 39 weeks pregnant and saw no end in sight.

Her little boy came up to me and squeezed me in the *ahem* northern regions and happily said:

“I’m gentle-gentle!”

Now, that’s stinkin’ funny.

And awkward.

Poor little guy.  He had to have a lecture when we left about not groping guests.

Happy Wednesday!

Yes.  Hello.  We have returned from the wedding festivities.

On Saturday, we departed at 6:30am.  We made excellent time and arrived at the hotel around 2pm.  The kids were fantastic, I kid you not.  However, when the rehearsal started that night, the boys decided to become not-so-fantastic.

Convenient.

It turns out they don’t like to “conform” or “do things that strangers are telling them to do.”  They weren’t awful.  But they could have been a little more participatory.

I would love to show you all some pictures.  However.  My favorite camera is broken, my cell phone cannot take a decent picture if someone moves, and the camera I had is too advanced for me to figure out how to use it.

Such a shame.

Do y’all remember that Handsome Dude broke his glasses on the eve of our trip?  Well, my handsome Lumberjack was able to repair them!  So, he did have his glasses on.

But then, he broke them again at the rehearsal.

And Uncle Alex was able to repair them.

It’s not Dude’s fault this time.  The new lenses he got are about four times as thick as his previous ones and I don’t think they fit right in the frame.  Anyways, the poor guy just keeps having the lens pop out.  He’s a good little lad about it and promptly brings me all of the pieces.

The wedding was on Sunday at 3 and we needed to arrive by 12 for pictures.  As you can all imagine, this is when things became stressful.

You see, dear readers, it wasn’t easy to be me on this trip. 

No. 

 No, it wasn’t. 

I had the privilege of getting two boys looking like ring bearers, two girls looking like flower girls, and one, extremely uncooperative husband to look like a groomsman.

Unfortunately for him, he was not able to wear his dressy Carhartts for this occasion.

Tough luck, Lumberjack.

Anyways.  When I woke up on Sunday morning, I knew I had a hard day of trying to de-Ruralville-ify my kin ahead of me.

David decided to take the kids down the hall to breakfast while I took a shower.  I got out of the shower and adorned myself with the world’s tiniest, hotel towel.  Promptly after the towel adornment, I received a knock at the door.

It was my mother.  She had found Little Dude wandering the halls and was delivering him to me.

Dang.  David is on top of things, isn’t he?

So, I discreetly pull Little Dude into the room.  He informs me that he wants me to take him to the pool.  I tell him no. 

This displeases him and he begins to throw a fit.  This is not uncommon for Little Dude these days.  I decide to go look for some clothes when I hear the door close.

Yes.  Little Dude opened the door and left.

So me and my tiny towel got to run down the hallway to get him.  And by “get him,” I mean grab his shirt and yank him back to the room before the tiny towel fell off of me.

Don’t judge me, reader.  You would do the same.

Now Little Dude is livid.  Oh, yes.  Livid.  Yet, during his fit, he decides he needs to potty post haste.  However, he is too furious at me still to allow me to assist him.  And he has an accident.

So.  There I am.  Standing in a hotel bathroom, draped in a tiny towel, trying to shush my naughty son, all whilst standing in a puddle of his urine.

It was a moment that belongs in the parenting hall of fame.

Needless to say, I was a bit miffed, oh yes, miffed at David when he returned.

LJ (short for Lumberjack who is also known as David.  Keep up, people!):  What’s wrong?

Me:  Well.  You lost track of Little Dude.

LJ (aghast):  I did not!  I told him to go back to the room!

Me:  HE IS TWO.  You cannot send a two year old to find a hotel room.

LJ:  But look!  He’s here!  See?  It’s all good.

*sigh*

I chose to procreate with this man.  I have only myself to blame.

In the interest of being fair, David did tell me that he was looking for Little Dude and saw that my mother had him. 

Now the beautification process has begun.

I begin to iron, iron, iron while David feeds the children scores of peanut M&Ms.  Daisy Mae becomes ill and throws up while I am curling her hair.  And Sweet Pea cannot find her glasses anywhere.

She hates wearing glasses, so she is on cloud nine.

We made it to the wedding.  Barely.

During the pictures, Daisy Mae asks if she can take pictures with my way-too-advanced-for-simpletons-like-us camera.

I hand it to her and inform her that she is allowed to take 10 pictures.

She thinks 10=900.

So, the pictures I am about to show you are not good. 

No. 

But they are the only ones I have.  None are in focus and most of them are taken by children or David.

You have been warned.

Now, my Dudes did pretty good on wedding day.

I did have to do many, many, “hand checks” with Handsome Dude, though.

Classy.

Nice.

Fantastic.

Precious.

Jason and Alex.

Poor Little Dude.  He had suspender issues.

The wedding was beautiful.  You cannot tell from my pictures, of course, but everything was gorgeous.  They got married in this barn and the decorations were so beautiful.  And I LOVED her dress.  She looked very pretty.

My precious boys did a good job.  They walked down the aisle and “stood” up there the entire time.  They didn’t even need me to perform any hand checks.

Holla, boys.

Holla.

Daisy Mae loves her Uncle Jason.  And Jason and Amy are always kind to her.  And they were kind to her when she stood at the receiving line right in betwen them and helped them welcome their guests.

She even tried to join them at the head table.

Don’t worry.  I promptly nipped that in the bud.

Here is a random picture of me, doing what I do best:

removing unruly boys.

I thought this was a fun shot of Hansome Dude:

He likes to move it, move it.

There were hundreds up on hundreds of awkward, terrible photos on my memory card, courtesy of Daisy Mae and company. 

I think Alex was getting a bit annoyed at her, but was kind to humor her for a bit.

“How YOU doin?”

“I call this one, ‘The Smolder'”

(Name that movie)

Alright.  So, hopefully Jason and Amy will share some beautiful pictures with me.  As you can see, mine are not-so-great.

The wedding was gorgeous and I am very thankful that we were able to be a part of it.

Happy Tuesday!

I was so busy posting about our “story” that I haven’t told you all what has been happening this week.

Let me sum this week up for you:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Dude had the world’s worst stomach bug. 

It lasted from Sunday-Thursday.

You might notice in each photo, dude had a glass with him.  He insisted on throwing up in a cup.

I really appreciated that about the sick little fellow.  I found it quite thoughtful of him.

As you may or may not know, we are leaving tomorrow morning at 6am to head to the land where Jason and Amy dwell to attend their wedding festivities.

There are many things to do in preparation for this momentous occasion.  The boys were in dire need of haircuts.

And I know not how to cut hair.

My girls, bless their hearts, decided to each cut a chunk of their hair right snack in the middle of their foreheads.

?

Should not we be past the haircutting stage?  Of course they choose this, the week that they shall be flower girls, to perform the haircuts.

So, on Thursday, I planned to head to get haircuts and take Lucy to our friends.

And now, dear readers, I would like to present to you:

The Tragedy that was Thursday

By Taylor Maliblahblah

Thursday started off full of promise and hope.  I was able to pack all of the childrens’ clothing for our upcoming road trip.  I even had time to bake some cookies for the poor souls who were taking Lucy in.

The cookies turned out mediocre at best.  However, they were made with love and that is all that matters.

Little Dude had not thrown up all day.  He was, however, quite lethargic, so I put him down for a nap a little early.

I decided I should give Lucy a bath.  It’s the least I can do for the poor souls watching her who have nothing to comfort them but mediocre cookies.

So, I haul all 70 pounds of her into the bathtub.

And wouldn’t you know it, she jumped out, full of soap and everything, and I had to chase her down?  It was something out of a Beethoven movie, I kid you not.

I got her all spiffed up and started to clean the tub.  I looked at the time and made my usual departure announcement:

“Ah!  We are late!  We need to be driving out of here in 10 minutes! Go potty!  I don’t care if you don’t need to!  Go!  Go!  Where are your socks?  Go potty!  Wash your hands!  Your shoes are on the wrong feet!  Did you go potty?”

Remember my lethargic Little Dude?

He was still asleep.

So, I ran downstairs to fetch him.  When I opened the door, I was greeted by a most offensive odor.

Little Dude had diahrrea.  Everywhere.  And he was sound asleep in his own filth.

I never knew I could move so swiftly, without a single care for the stink that was upon me.  My hands were covered in it.  But I kept pressing on.

I bathed Little Dude, bleached the tub, and got all his bedding in the bathtub and we were only 10 minutes late.

Holla, Taylor.

Holla.

Lucy was a tiddly-bit naughty for the car ride.

LucyFur.

She would jump from the way back, to the girls’ row, to the boys’ row, and back again.

This is not permissble when one is navigating the highways and the freeways and such.

Plus, she ate Handsome Dude’s crackers.

Handsome Dude was not pleased.

It was a horrible car ride.

And I am hoping the poor souls who currently have her will enjoy the mediocre cookies so much that they will ask to have LucyFur for forever and ever.  Amen.

After we dropped Lucy off (darn) we had to rush to the optical place to get Handsome Dude’s new lenses in.

Is it sad that I am on a first name basis with the peeps that repair my son’s glasses?

And I know of their family lives?

And I send them Christmas cards?

The new lenses that Handsome Dude got were much stronger than he has ever had.  I will never forget how he looked at me the moment he put them on.

His eyes got all big and he smiled:

“Mom!  Everything is so wiggly!”

Wiggly?

Next up were haircuts.  The boys each got a cut.  The girls needed to get bangs from their scissor-happy moment.  And I needed a bang trim.

I have the world’s most patient hairdresser.

I even talked her into waxing my eyebrows.

Clearly, I do not have time to maintain them myself.

It was a first for her:  waxing someone’s eyebrows while all 4 of her children stood by and watched, horrified.

I know you are all probably aghast that I attempted this.

But its a wedding people!

I can’t look like that homeschooling mom from Ruralville!

***

So that was Thursday.

And this is Friday.

And right before bed, Handsome Dude broke his new glasses, and therefore he will be cross-eyed for the entire weekend.

Fantastic.

But at least my eyebrows are well-maintained.

My boys are ring bearers.  My girls are flower girls.  David is a groomsman.

And I shall be performing random hand checks on my boys throughout the ceremony.

Wish me luck!

I will try to post updates from this weekend on The Facebook.

So, if you’d like, you can like me on The Facebook.

Or not.

The choice is yours.

Happy Weekend!

PS-  I took a walk around my property this week and I saw a snake!  A SNAKE!

PPS-I took it as a sign that I should never, ever exercise.