It was a day.
Today, I had to get the chrome book cart and get my first graders all logged in to aforementioned chrome books, help them navigate the tricky Interwebs, and take an online math diagnostic test.
The horror.
If you plan on attempting this activity, I implore you to take the following bullet points into consideration:
*Before you begin, turn down the heat. A lot. Things are gonna get stressful, and you are going to sweat. Sweat is bad and you do not need that kind of negativity in your life.
*Find 20+ other adults to be one on one companions for these little guys who only know how to use touch screen technology and keep tapping on the computer screen and don’t understand why you are saying things like “mouse” and “click” and “scroll down.” Sadly, I did not have this luxury, but the idea of it fills me with joy and pleasantness.
*Have numerous pairs of extra headphones.
*Have a pep talk with students beforehand. Tell them:
“If you have a problem, or a need, please do not shout out: ‘Mrs. M! Help!’ or ‘Mrs. M! I can’t hear my computer!’ or ‘Mrs. M! My computer is too loud!’ or ‘Mrs. M! I logged myself out! Come fix it!'”
No. Tell them they must stay quiet, raise their hand, and wait patiently. For you are only one person. This will only work for about 3 1/2 minutes, but oh, what a glorious 3 1/2 minutes it shall be.
So, yeah. We did the chrome books today. It was stressful. At one point, I walked by one kiddo and he was not doing math at all. Nay. He was watching a delightful episode of Handy Manny. And how fun for him!
Me: Buddy! What are you doing?
Handy Manny-Watcher: I don’t know! The computer just wanted me to watch this!
Mmmm-hmmm.
Yes. ‘Twas a day. Here are some other fun happenstances, for your reading pleasure. To give you a taste of the joy that is teaching.
***
During the computer test, one student had his headphones over his eyes, like a blindfold. Oh, he thought he was so hilarious! He was delighted with himself.
***
Student : Is it ok to put superglue in your hair?
Me: Uh, no?
Cue me panicking, trying to figure out how someone got superglue.
Student: Great! My mom put superglue in my hair!
Me: It was probably hair gel, buddy. (Today was picture day. Also a fun experience!)
Student: Nope. It was superglue.
***
Student said a bad word, a word that I am not even allowed to say, during lunch.
***
Student was lying to other students and bragging that the principal was his grandma.
She is not.
This was after he had just gotten in trouble from the principal for rough play at recess.
Me to Student-Who-Wishes-The-Principal-Was -His-Grandma: Why are you lying?
Student: Because he lied to me first!
***
Student lies about throwing up. I don’t know why. I don’t have the energy to find out.
***
Student army crawls under all the tables when an aide brought them into the room. Because maybe he thought aides are cool with that.
***
Student has an accident.
***
Student argues with me in the morning that she brought a lunch from home. Arguing Student is always confused about what the sitch is for her lunch. I check her backpack and find a juice box, goldfish, and a granola bar. I tell her I think these are snacks. She argues. I get distracted by a student eating his squeezie-stress ball. He is probably stressed that there is arguing going on and the principal’s grandson is a rough-houser. But I digress. Fast forward to lunch. Arguing student is mad at me because she is pretty sure she is supposed to get GRILLED CHEESE FROM THE CAFETERIA HER MOM SAID SO and she is NOT COLD LUNCH.
***
I go to pick up my kids from recess. One student is “swimming” in the gravel. He is supposed to waiting for me in a nice, quiet line.
***
The principal walks into my room (to talk to her rough-housing “grandson”) just as I am saying in a firm voice,
“No, we do not stick our crayons in between the cracks of the table. We are working on our math sheet.”
She was surely impressed.
***
Aforementioned student says the same bad word, that I still can’t say, in the line to go home.
***
That was my day in a nutshell.
It is only Tuesday.
Good night.
As one of my coworkers commented today, “The honeymoon is over!” Yup.
Audrey had chrome books today. I will need to ask her more about it and possibly bring her teacher a coffee in the morning. What a crazy day you had!
Good thoughts on your surgery and this time, speedy recovery.
It’s good to see the humor. Reading this I flashed back to the time I had to crawl (in a dress!) under the grand piano during a preschool/kindergarten concert to fish out a child who did not want to be there. Hang in there! Also, I’m a little bit like a first grader when it comes to the computer : )