Oh. I see you brought Gil home.

When David emerged from the shower at 4:45 am this morning, he saw me, sitting up in bed with my computer and drinking coffee.

You might ask:  Taylor!  What could a gal possibly do on her computer at 4:45am?

Well.  I am a magical teacher in the early morning hours, as my internet works much faster and all of my children are fast asleep.  This is my routine every day since school shut down.

David:  What are you doing up so early?

Sigh.  I am usually up this early with him.  His question is dumb.

Me:  What are YOU doing up so early?

David:  Well.  Someone has to actually work.

David.  Time of death:  4:46am.  Cause of death:  Coronavirus.

Fun Fact:  We should be in Mexico right now celebrating our almost 20th anniversary.

Bummer.

You know what is more fun than going to Mexico?

Being responsible for 200 pigs.

Update:  We have sold 40, but I enjoy saying 200 because it makes everything seem more dramatic.  And drama is key when someone is telling you their woes about 200 piglets.

Friday.

On Friday, Hadley and LD were in charge of cleaning up the pigs living in the crate.  I told LD to THROW THE TOWELS AWAY, so you can all rest easy.  I am NOT putting that in my washing machine, thankyouverymuch.

David suggested we switch to hay instead of towels, so he won my heart with that idea.

Hay for a pig instead of a beach towel.  Who would have thought?

Hadley, who apparently loves raising piglets, decided to go above and beyond and wash the three piglets in our jetted tub.

Because that is what jetted tubs are for.

Also, the astute reader might notice that there are only two piglets in the bathtub.  She was holding her precious baby piglet who she named Weston and cradling him after his bath.

Hadley:  Mom.  Look at how clean Weston looks.  I used soap on him.  I didn’t use soap on the others because they don’t deserve it.

No, reader.  I do not understand her logic either.  But I also do not care that much and just mostly wanted her to be done with that nonsense and start bleaching the tub.

The astute reader might also remember that we have two mother cats and six kittens living in the bathroom.  Well, they decided to run amok in the living room during the piglet bath sesh, so life was a bit crazy.  I had to make sure to not step on a kitten and Charlie the puppy was very curious and chasing everyone around.  The mother cats despise Charlie with all their beings, so there was hissing and scratching and also we had baby chicks that we had to hope no cats, kittens, or puppies would chew on.

Then that dang Norma Jean Riley grabbed a kitten in her mouth and raced downstairs and hid the kitten in the storage room.  So I had to grab the remaining kittens and shut them up in a different bathroom and then go find the missing kitten and life just felt like a bit much again.

#overit.

So that was Friday morning and I sprayed Febreeze and lit some candles and hoped my house smelled lovely and not like pigs at all.

And then I had to sell some pigs.  And let me tell you, you meet the NICEST people when selling pigs.  For realz.  Country folk are sure pleasant.

As I was helping sell pigs, Friendly Pig Purchaser Lady and I were chatting away.  As people are wont to do during a pig transaction.  We grabbed a pig that had a hernia.

Me:  Oh, don’t take this one, it has a hernia.

Friendly Pig Purchaser Lady:  Well, you know how to fix those don’t you?

Me:  We are trying to figure that out actually.

Friendly Pig Purchaser Lady:  Oh, it is easy!  You grab yourself a large button, place it over the hernia, and use duck tape to wrap around the pig.  Once the other pigs eat the tape off, the hernia is fixed.  I did that with three pigs once and they all went on to have litters.

Well, I’ll be darned!  Friendly Pig Purchaser Lady for the win!  That sounded way easier than what David had planned for night.

And, oh!  Did I tell you?  David was planning on performing surgery.  He had seen a YouTube video on it and was all ready to go.  With suture kits and everything.

I called him and told him to forget surgery and get large buttons and duck tape.  And is it duck tape or duct tape?  And, listen to this, reader:  David listened to me.

!

And yes, of course pigs would eat duck/duct tape off of each other.  Have you met pigs?

Friday Afternoon:

I had company!  I was sure hopeful that my Febreeze and candles were doing a swell job of masking the smell of the 3 pigs living in a crate in my living room.

You guys.  I don’t even know how to talk to people anymore.  I am not a normal human.  I have been quarantined for too long over here and doing too many animal things and I just cannot even relate to myself anymore.

As I was trying to talk to my company, I just kept listening to myself talking about chicks and cows and pigs and hernias and I just don’t even know who I am.

Then I babysat my niece and nephew.

Aunt Taylor?  Why are their pigs living in our house?

My niece and nephew are 5 and 3 and they think we are so cool.  It is fun because my own children definitely do not think I am one bit of fun.

My nephew is oozing with preciousness.  He loves me.  He is also on repeat all day:

Taylor, don’t forget that after dinner, we are having our SLUMBERING party!

I did not forget. He reminded me 19 times.

He is also really into thumbs up-ing everything.

Here he is with Hadley

All my kids were very helpful with their cousins, so that made babysitting them for a weekend a breeze.

Can we discuss the size of Little Dude?  Should we rename him?

Sleeping with a 3 year old is not as much fun as it sounds.  They are very squirmy and sometimes wake up at 1am and ask if it is time to feed cows?

When I woke up, my nephew was still asleep and David was in the kitchen getting coffee.  I decided to tiptoe out of there and let him sleep.  I went to the bathroom and I heard him calling from the bedroom:

Nephew (sounding like a zombie):Tayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-Werrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

David popped his head in and said good morning to him.

Nephew (sounding like he had just consumed 8 cups of coffee):  David!  Let’s feed the cows!  They need their breakfast!  I will help you.  I want Taylor to help me potty and you to help me get dressed.  And then we will feed the cows. 

It was all very precious.

***

Saturday Night.

On Saturday night, we were all happily chatting and visiting on our back deck.  I saw someone walking towards us.  I did a headcount and determined the person walking towards us was not one of us.

It was a stranger!  He just came walking up out of the cow pen!  He would have had to jump our fence to get in there.

This was a very unusual situation.  We have had deer trespass and sometimes a moose, but never a HUMAN BEING.

He was quite nice, but very confused.  The whole thing was very strange.  Apparently he was hiking and got a bit lost.  He lived a couple of miles away and David drove him home.

When David pulled up the man’s home, there was a lady in the driveway.

“Oh.  I see you brought Gil home.”

And then she disappeared.

So that was different.

Anyways, I must hop in the shower and then make a bunch of videos.  But remember, I don’t work like David does, so I must just be doing those videos for my own kicks and grins.

Later, Dudes.