To read my first installment on how the universe is crumbling all around me, click here.
***
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, dear readers.
It’s that time again.
Time for me to share with you all my woes and angst, while randomly shouting, “Serenity Now!”
And it’s time for you to pretend to care about my troubles.
1) Many of you might recall that we own one home that we are keeping as a vacation rental.
Turns out this is a lot more work/stress/money/stress/work than we initially perceived.
Weareexhausted.
After our first renters, the queen bed frame broke.
Serenity Now!
2. The frame/headboard/footboard was given to The Lumberjack and I as a wedding gift.
10 years ago.
The Lumberjack, in all his handsomeness, pulled out no less than 7.3 million power tools and began to repair the bed so it could function for our next group.
Then me, in all my portliness, decided to try to test the repaired bed out to ensure that it would be sturdy for the next weary travellers at David and Taylor’s Comfort Inn.
Folks.
There was a lot of creaking and moaning coming from that bed.
Creaking? Moaning? Bed breaking?
This is unacceptable for David and Taylor’s Comfort Inn.
Serenity Now!
3. On Monday I spent 3 hours cleaning that darned house.
The Lumberjack worked on the yard for about 1 hour.
On Tuesday I spent 3 more hours cleaning that darned house.
The Lumberjack was there for 3 as well.
On Wednesday I spent an additional 3 hours cleaning.
The Lumberjack was there for 1 1/2.
Looks like someone isn’t pulling his weight around here.
There has got to be a smarter way to do this.
Somebody.
Help me.
Serenity Now!
4. In the past 3 days I have spent a ridiculous amount of money for this stupid, stupid, stupid rental.
You may ask, ‘Taylor! How much exactly did you spend, pray tell?”
And I will respond, “Ha! Silly readers! I cannot say. For if some random friend or relative ever mentioned it to my Lumberjack, he would have a conniption.”
A conniption?
Yes.
A conniption fit and he would banish me to the closet without dinner.
Lumberjacks are mean like that.
And I am tired of spending money.
Serenity Now!
5. The Lumberjack got the sprinklers working at the rental house around 9pm last night.
And discovered a sprinkler head was broken.
So, he decided to run to Home Depot really quick-like to fix it.
And he bought the wrong one.
Serenity Now!
Oh! and more fun! Handsome Dude broke the new BBQ the Lumberjack purchased for this house without anyone even using it first.
Serenity Now!
Now! Now! Now!
6. Do you know just how much cleaning is required for a rental?
Think about it.
If you were staying in a hotel, you would expect things to be super clean . . . right?
Like if you saw a dirty baseboard or a cobweb in the corner, you would be a little grossed out . . .
Or if the BBQ at the house had food burnt on it . . .
Or if you touched the top of the microwave and it was dusty . . .
Or if there was grossness in the bottom of the trash can . . .
Or if the box fan was dusty . . .
Or if there was a tiny, tiny, tiny stain on the shower curtain (I just ended up buying a new shower curtain . . . shh! don’t tell my husband!) . . .
Or if the oven has a small splatter in it . . .
Do you know how exhausting it is to try to clean a house to “hotel-ish” standards while praying that your 4 Lumberjacklings don’t create more of a mess?
Iamsotired.
Serenity Now!
7. Do you know how much gas we have gone through these past few days driving from Ruralville to City House?
Serenity Now!
8. My good friend Melissa, aka Bimlissa, just informed me she is moving across the country in like 3 weeks.
She is taking that Bimbaby that is dwelling in her tummy without me getting to hold him first.
Who does she think she is?
Serenity Now!
9. My scale will only weigh me in kilograms.
Why?
Who knows.
I am sure I am gaining weight by the second, but I am too lazy to convert to poundage.
Serenity Now!
10. The house in Ruralville has an alarm system.
Yes.
We are that high-class now.
However.
It is not properly functioning and my husband is trying to tell me that he cannot fix it.
Right.
So, randomly it will just start loudly beeping and scare the living daylights out of all of us.
I told him I am going to have to hire an electrician to come and fix this.
He said, “Sounds good.”
Ha!
Like we can afford one.
We’ve got to buy, supply, and maintain mattresses, box springs, bed frames, bed skirts, mattress pads, fitted sheets, flat sheets, comforters, pillows, pillow cases, sprinkler heads, fencing materials, bath towels, beach towels, hand towels, wash cloths, dish towels, dish rags, sponges, tables, plates, bowls, glasses, mugs, strainer, cheese grater, serving bowls, BBQ tools, coffee pot, blender, toaster, pots, pans, silverware, cooking utensils, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, paper towels, trash bags, soaps, rugs, pillows, hangers, ironing boards, irons, door mat, broom, dust pan, mop, high chair, stroller, pack and play, curtains, bath mats, toilet bowl cleaners, toilet plungers, oven, refrigerator, dish washer, washing machine (still broken, by the way), dryer, water heater, electric cadet heaters, lawn mower, porch swing, porch rocking chair, kids picnic table, swing set, box fans, tv, satellite, dvd player, dvds, games, and a vacuum for a home that we no longer live in.
No. The home that we live in currently looks like Weedfest 2010 and if we have any sort of company over for dinner, I fear they will have to eat on the floor.
Serenity Now!
11. I want to sell the other house.
Serenity Now!
12. I don’t care anymore that I felt all sentimental towards it and wanted to keep it forever and ever.
Sell it!
I wash my hands of it!
Serenity Now!
13. These are the forks we have to use at Ruralville.
Ouch.
It’s a good thing we are never at Ruralville to eat.
Serenity Now!
14. It’s a good thing I am not a complainer.
15. Speaking of the aforementioned Bimlissa, look at what she got me for my birthday:
16. My sister linked up this Whitney Houston video to my Facebook yesterday.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiJ_2zQYUFg&feature=PlayList&p=53420EA42F4D0D91&playnext_from=PL&index=12]
Please watch this, as it is quite fantastic.
To this, I will not say, Serenity Now.
No.
I will instead shout:
Holy Hairbow!
She does have a point, you know.
How will one know?
Hmmm . . . things to ponder.
Happy Thursday.



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Lagoons and local ruffians.
Hold on to your pants folks.
We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.
1) First off, what would life be without the Comment of the Week (COW)?
I submit that life would be exactly the same.
But let us pretend to be excited, shall we?
This week’s winner is my darling blogging friend, Joyce, of whom I love dearly.
She wrote:
“Raising hand. I vaguely recall you mentioning those wires a time or two.
The house looks great…Your LJ is a keeper. The white trim is fab. I wouldn’t worry about the beds without frames-it beats bumping your head.
In reading your blog these past few months I feel like I know a few things about you. So here are my wishes for your birthday which must be today and oh, to be 29 again. Sigh. Anyway….
I hope no one pees on anything they shouldn’t pee on on your special day.
I hope no one vomits on anything.
I hope no one breaks and/or loses their glasses on your special day.
I hope you don’t have to make any unprotected left hand turns.
I hope you get coffee with raspberry creamer.
I hope you get a dinner you don’t have to cook.
I hope you get a fabulous dessert.
I hope you get lots of hugs and kisses from your lumberjacklings.
And of course from the LJ too.
I hope you get 100 meaningless points….holla!
Happy Birthday…reading here always makes me smile.”
Joyce is a superb blogging friend and a faithful commenter.
Do you write a blog?
Do you want more comments?
Go visit Joyce.
She is splendid.
No pressure, Joyce.
2) Yes. I am really 29 and this is the first time I turned 29.
I was born a poor black boy (name that movie) on June 23, 1981.
Fact: I am not racist. That is simply a movie quote. Thank you.
3) Yes, this is my mother in the picture with us.
Yes, she is pretty.
Yes, she looks young.
My mama turned 50 this week.
Holla, Mama!
Holla!
4) ***GASP!!***
I would like to announce that for the first time since we moved to Ruralville, I felt . . .
bored.
And alone.
So, I loaded up the Lumberjacklings and we headed out on an adventure drive to find a beach.
We were successful.
Little Dude was feeling not-so-brave.
Yet, can we not all agree that he is uber precious, albeit a scaredy-cat?
I guaran-darn-tee you that he was attempting to hit one of his sisters with that there ball.
Hi, Mama! Were you trying to relax?
Well, I am here to ensure that relaxing will not be happening for you today.
But I will offer you a tasty snack!
Fun Fact: Little Dude + 400 raisins=9 horrific diapers that would cure anyone of baby fever.
Daisy Mae found the coolest rock.
Ever.
I guaran-darn-tee you she was yelling at a little brother for ruining something she was creating.
And I guaran-darn-tee you they probably deserved it.
Those boys are such naughty-pantsies.
And they can also be precious creatures who melt my heart.
Kids!
Smile for a picture!
Focus, children.
Focus.
Much better!
We had a splendiferous time at the beach.
Truly.
It only took about 15 minutes to get there and we had a blast!
However . . . a dark and stormy cloud soon came upon our delightful day.
Some local ruffians came to the beach and were mean.
Yes.
Mean.
Mean to my children.
One little girl stole my kids floaties.
Seriously-right out of their hands.
A little boy got completely naked.
We did not know where to put our eyes.
And another girl attacked Daisy Mae while she was swimming and nearly drowned her.
I did not appreciate it one bit.
So . . . our first encounter with the natives of Ruralville was less than ideal.
5) The Lumberjack made me pull weeds this morning at 0730.
But that is neither here nor there.
6) Last night, it occurred to me that I have not seen our 20 acres. So, The Lumberjack felt the need to clear things up for me.
And now, dear readers, I would like to present to you:
Tour de Lumberjack
The Lumberjack hooked a trailer up to his 4-wheeler and took us on a lovely tour of our plantation.
Cozy!
Look at us and our Hillbilly selves!
Complete with dog running down the road with us.
Yes.
We are now those people.
Can you see that fence?
That is our lagoon.
You know.
Where all are septic materials exist.
Thank you, Sir Lumberjack, for the delightful tour.
It was both lovely and informative.
Alright!
That’s it!
Farewell!
Wait! One more thing!
I would like a new COW picture.
Does anyone have a picture of a cow they would like to contribute to this silly, as well as pointless, blog?
I would be greatly appreciative.
Toodles!