The Lumberjack's Wife

Not Me! Seattle Edition

Posted on March 22, 2010 by Taylor

Alright, folks.

Don’t hate me, but I am going to give this whole “Not Me!” posting thing a try again.

Yes, I realize that in the past all that has resulted from Not Me! posts is me leaving you in utter confusion.

But I will not let that deter me!

I will not lose heart!

I can, nay, I will do this.

And you will like it.

****

Interruption: This Not Me! post is brought to you by my recent weekend getaway with 25 or so of my fellow children’s ministry peeps to the lovely city of Seattle.

*Disclaimer-Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

The Car Ride

I did not kindly inform our driver, James, that I was B-O-R-E-D about 72 times.

I did not have to stop and use the restroom about once an hour.

I do not blame my bladder issues on the fact that I have had four children.

And I most certainly do not go into denial every time I realize that yes, I have four children.

Nor do I panic.

4 kids?

What were we not thinking?

Hmmmm . . . .what was I talking about?

Clearly, I do not get easily sidetracked while posting.

No.

My posts are clear and concise.

Back to James.

I did not take a picture of him while he was driving us safely to our destination.

No.

I would never distract him from his driving duties.

I did not hear this conversation between James and his wife, Marcia, my friend Louise, and myself.

Cast of characters:

Louise

James’ wife, Marcia

Me.

Don’t be jealous of my mad picture-taking skills.

Maybe someday you will look as good as I when someone takes your picture.

Maybe.

James: Oh, man! I forgot to bring my BBD’s!

Louise: Huh?

James: You know. BBD’s.

Me: James! What are you talking about?

James: Babe. Help me out.

Marcia: Well, I don’t know, hon. Do you mean underwear?

Me and Louise: Oh, dear.

James: Underwear?

Marcia: Yes, dear. Remember when they were called BBDs.

James: Oh, yes. What do folks call them now?

Marcia: Well, I guess like boxers, briefs . . . you know.

Me and Louise: Oh, dear.

James: No. Not underwear. You know. The round things that play the music.

Me: Do you mean CD’s?

James: Um . . . yes! Is that what they are called? Golly! I thought they were called BBDs.

Marcia: No, honey BBDs are underwear.

Me and Louise: Huh?

And that concludes our scintillating conversation.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me what in tarnation James and Marcia are speaking of.

Pike Place Market

I did not get super grossed out by all the super gross fish.

And I did not stand in front of the Fish Guys waiting and hoping to catch a really cool picture of a super gross fish flying through the air.

It wasn’t working out for me.

Excuse me?

Fish Guys?

Are not you famous for throwing fish in the air?

Get to it.

I most certainly did not hope that Fish-Dude-with-his-hat-on-backwards didn’t think that I was a stalker.

Attention Fish-Dude-with-your-hat-on-backwards:

I was frantically snapping pictures of you hoping that you would do something amazing.

You let me down, Fish-Dude.

You let me down.

You could have had a moment on my blog.

Your 15 minute of fame, if you will.

I could have given you exposure to 10, maybe 20 interested readers.

But, no.

You would not throw a fish.

You have only yourself to blame.

Check out this fish.

That fish is just nasty-wrong.

I did not scream and run in place when Nasty-Wrong fish moved.

Attention anyone who might visit this fish market in Seattle:

IT IS A TRICK. THE FISH IS DEAD.

Some local ruffians thought it would be funny to attach a rope to the Nasty-Wrong Fish and move him when unsuspecting tourists are nearby.

For shame, local ruffians.

For shame.

I did not go to the original Starbucks and not even order coffee.

Why would I do that?

That would be silly.

And, since I value my time and yours, I am going to conclude with a bunch of random one-liners, sans pictures.

You’re Welcome.

I did not eat a lot over the weekend.

I did not have trouble fitting into my pants when I returned.

I did not miss my kids.

I did not worry when the Lumberjack told me over the phone that he was taking said kids on a hike to look for horns.

I did not have to remind myself that he was not talking about musical instruments.

I do not understand my husband.

I did not worry that they would encounter a bear and tragically come to their demise.

I did not feel sad that I did not get to play Catch Phrase.

Nope.

Not even once did I get to play that delightful game.

I did not complain about my owie.

I did not cut my hand again in a different location once I returned home.

I did not miss my Lumberjack.

I did not have a wonderfully fantastic time of food, fun, and fellowship.

And, finally . . .

I most certainly did not hear a worship leader at the conference sing out loudly while teaching us a song:

“Kick the devil in the nu-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.”

The end.

So, tell me . . . . what did you not do this weekend?

Posted in Not Me!, Uncategorized | 27 Comments

Jas-Bud-Dooter-Tooter

Posted on March 21, 2010 by Taylor

Happy Vernal Equinox!

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who knows what the vernal equinox is.

I am home safe and sound and I had a fantabulous time!

And I gained 2 pounds.

Such is life.

Thank you all for the questions!

I won’t answer them all in this post, but I hope to answer more later.

Ok.

Are you ready for an exciting questions/answers post?

I hope you got your party pants on.

Here we go:

1) Why did you decide to start a blog?

Last spring, I barely knew what a blog was.

One day, my dear friend Bimlissa was over.

Bimlissa: I made a good recipe last night.

Me: What was it?

Bimlissa: Steak bites from The Pioneer Woman

Me: Pio-who?

Bimlissa: You haven’t heard of The Pioneer Woman?

Dang.

I am uncool.

Again.

I knew Bimlissa in high school.

She wouldn’t speak with my kind cause I was not as hip as her.

Now these high-school feelings of inadequacy and paranoia are sweeping over me again.

Bimlissa!

Please like me!

Please think I am cool!

Me: No.

So, she shows me PW’s blog. Then she shows me something called Google Reader. Then she puts a whole bunch of people’s blogs into said reader that we know.

Then she left.

And I went on with my life.

Later on, she asks me how I am liking blog reading.

And I have to admit to her that I don’t remember how to find these so-called blogs.

So, she shows me where they are.

And, so I begin to understand this whole blogging movement and I find it quite intriguing.

Quite.

After awhile, I decide to start my own blog so my aunties and my sister can keep up to date with my family.

So, I write my first post.

And since I know that if I give you the link, none of you will click on it (lame), I just copied and pasted it right here for your convenience.

Yeah, people.

That’s right.

I am on to your shenanigans.

Fact: The entire post will be in italics.

Trying out this blogging thing . . .

Well, I decided to start a blog to help keep friends and family updated about our family. We’ll see how good I am at keeping up with it!

Today has been a long day of The Lumberjack working on finishing the stairs (yay!) and me chasing after kids and trying to organize our laundry room. Our laundry room has become a place to dump everything that we do not know what to do with. We really need a nice big garage to keep all of our things in (tools, nail guns, hunting gear, fishing gear, bike helmets, and so on). Speaking of nail guns, I believe The Lumberjack has like 4 or something. I find that excessive. 🙂

The upstairs of our house is almost completely finished, of course without door handles still! He is working on the stairs now, and then all that will be left of the interior is the kitchen and laundry room. Then we will work on rebuilding the porch and building a new garage and fence.

Here is a picture of our one piece of finished staircase in . . .yay! 🙂

Let’s examine this post, shall we?

A) Boring.

B) Perhaps I should put the comment about the stairs by the picture of the stairs?

C) Now, 10 months later, all that will be will be left to finish in the interior of our house is the kitchen and laundry room. Then we will work on rebuilding the porch and building a new garage and fence.

D) I did not call my husband the Lumberjack then. That was a special feature I added later. You’re Welcome.

E) I had not yet discovered my center button, which I currently use for every post. That was a special feature I added later. You’re welcome.

F) I sent an email out to everyone I knew telling them I had a blog.

I think 2, maybe 3 people looked at that blog post.

Guess how many comments I received on that there post.

ZERO.

Hello?

Bimlissa?

Oh, friend-who-told-me-I-should-start-a-blog-and-I-read-your-blog-and-I-comment-on-EVERY-SINGLE-ONE-OF-YOUR-POSTS-and-you-could-not-be-inconvenienced-to-leave-a-simple-comment?

I know why she didn’t leave a comment.

It’s because she knows she is cooler than me.

And she doesn’t want society to know that she associates with me.

Raise your hand if you are always the uncool friend.

It’s okay.

We can work through our issues together.

2) When is your birthday?

June 23, 1981

3) Where did you get your sense of humor? From your maternal side or your paternal side?

Hmmm . . . .

I would definitely say more from my maternal side.

My mom and I were quite the lookers back there in the day.

My dad can be funny.

But, mostly in the sense where he just gives me and my mom good material.

4) How long do you think it will be before the Lumberjack will finish the under cabinet lighting?

Good question.

I don’t think he will.

It has been almost 7 years.

What does it matter anymore?

5) All About Jason

Wow.

Lots of comments and questions about Jason.

Interruption: Jason is the Lumberjack’s brother and he is the youngest of 4.

Yes.

He is the baby.

And he never, ever, ever gets picked on.

Ever.

Remember Jason?

Here are 3 of the questions asked about Jason:

1) Does Jason have a nickname?

Yes.

It is Jas-Bud.

Oh, and also Dooter Tooter.

Feel free to use either one for your loved one.

2) How does Jason feel about giving us all a chuckle when we see that picture?

Before I put that picture on the blog, I emailed him asking him if he minded being in my blog from time-to-time.

This was his response:

Yeah.

I don’t care.

You can write whatever you want about me.

I will let you know if I get a stalker.

So, as long as no one starts stalking him, we are good.

And I can keep on posting pictures of him like this:

And this:

3) Is Jason single?

Well, folks.

We had a breakthrough this week on my blog.

You see, Jason has been a pretend-reader of my blog for some time.

What is a pretend reader?

I’m glad you asked.

A pretend reader is someone who reads your blog upon occasion, but then never lets you know he/she knows your blog exists.

Well, folks.

For the first time ever, Jas-Bud-Dooter-Tooter left a comment on this here blog.

hey everybody,
I just wanted to say that I am glad you are all having a good laugh over my picture, and I am sorry to inform all you ladies that I am not single. I have been dating an awesome lady that is unable to say snorkel correctly. So I am thinking we are a pretty good match. I am happy to say it is going quite well.
So feel free to have more fun at my expense. really it doesn’t bother me. And Taylor good luck with nicknames. I am sure the only reason you don’t use one for me is because you can’t decide which one.

Jas-Bud-Dooter-Tooter!

You left a comment!

*tear*

Yes, folks, Jason is taken.

He has a new honey named Amy.

Amy.

Don’t feel bad that when you say “snorkle” it sounds like “snarkle.”

When Jason says “measure” it sounds like “may-sure.”

Oh.

And Jason can’t say my name.

Instead of Taylor, he says, Teller.

Alright, dudes and dudettes!

That’s all for today.

Happy Sunday!

The most random post. Ever.

Posted on March 17, 2010 by Taylor

Hold on to your pants, folks!

We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.

This is going to be one random post.

Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll-righty then!

(Name that movie)

I, yes, I, Taylor Mal-i-blah-blah am leaving this very afternoon to go out-of-town.

I am doing a lot of travelling these days.

Where in the world is Taylor San Diego?

Do you get it?

I’m gonna need a 10-4 Good Buddy from anyone who gets that one.

Over and out.

I am travelling with a large group of people.

I am sharing a hotel room with 3 other gals.

Attention people travelling/rooming with me:

Here is a list of things to expect while travelling with yours truly:

1) I get car sick.

Like really way bad.

Do not offer me a book.

I will get nauseous.

Do not entice me with a magazine.

I will vomit.

And for the love of everything, do not, I repeat, do not ask me to look at a map.

I am directionally challenged.

And I will vomit.

2) Since I will not be reading, please plan on chatting with me the entire way.

I am a chatty girl.

I like to chat.

Consider yourselves warned.

3) I have a small bladder.

It would behoove you to limit my fluid intake.

4) I will be taking a shower everyday.

No ifs, ands, or buts.

I am willing to get up first in order to accomplish this.

But I will be taking a shower.

And washing my hair.

And drying my hair.

And curling my hair.

And I will put on my makeup.

And I might change my outfit twice.

But I promise I am not a high-maintanence person.

I am just really bad at picking out clothes, my skin looks terrible if I don’t have makeup on, my hair gets greasy if I don’t wash it, and drying/curling is the only way I know how to style my hair.

5) Try not to talk to me until I have had my morning cup of coffee.

6) Try not to talk to me until I have had my afternoon cup of coffee.

7) I require popcorn and a diet pepsi every evening.

Just kidding.

But it would be ideal.

8) I dislike snoring.

9) I don’t like sleeping with pants on.

10) I don’t like to be hot.

Don’t touch the thermostat.

11) I have an owie on my finger.

There is a 99% chance that I will complain about this the entire trip.

Because it really hurts, dudes.

You see, last week the Lumberjack got tired of our one knife:

There she is, folks.

Ain’t she a beaut?

We got her for our wedding.

Our one knife.

So, my Lumberjack bought a pack of 6 ginormous knives.

And on Saturday, I pulled this one out:

and chopped some lettuce for my famous taco salad.

Yes.

I make a mean taco salad.

But, alas!

I was not used to working with such a murderous weapon and I ended up slicing my finger.

It hurt.

It bled a lot.

The Lumberjack wrapped it up with a big pad of gauze.

It bled through.

He wrapped it up again.

It bled through.

I asked him if I should have a doctor look at it.

“Nah.”

Sometimes, I wonder if my Lumberjack is just really, really, really cheap.

Anyways, it has been 5 days, the cut splits open often and it hurts something fierce.

Seriously.

It woke me up 3 times last night, on account of the pain and terrible throbbing-ness.

So, there is a good chance I will be a pretty big baby regarding this injury.

“Do you want some aspirin? You seem a bit fussy.”

(Name that Office episode)

12) Just once, I want to play Catch Phrase.

Just once, people.

If you let me play Catch Phrase, I would be willing to negotiate throwing on some pants at night.

Maybe.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

I forgot to mention yesterday that Miss Sweet Pea also got some new glasses.

Did you all know I had a Sweet Pea?

By golly it seems I am just talking about Handsome Dude’s naughtiness, Little Dude’s preciousness, and Daisy Mae’s strangeness all the time that my mild-mannered and independent daughter Sweet Pea gets neglected.

Plus, she is ginormous now and goes off to be a big first grader every day.

My baby!

*tear*

Also, everyone must notice the side view of Miss Sweet Pea’s glasses, as they are the most exciting feature, according to Sweet Pea herself.

Simply divine, Sweet Pea.

Simply divine.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

Alert!

Handsome Dude has not lost his glasses.

Yet.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

It is time for . . . .The Comment of the Week!

Please.

Try and control your sheer and utter joy.

This week was hard!

I was cracking up quite a bit this week at all you guys and your silliness.

But this week’s winner goes to Christina!

She was commenting on the post Weekend Update, specifically on the part where I mention that I have to pause the 30 Day Shred while doing jumping jacks so I can use the facilities.

“I haven’t had to pause to go pee (while doing the 30 Day Shred), but I don’t recommend doing the video with your husband…he may come and tickle you while you are both doing jumping jacks. And that is the G-rated version.”

Christina Ann Jean Marie Louisa Walker!

What sorts of Tom Foolery are you and Mr. Christina doing during a workout DVD?

Goodness gracious.

Can the 30 Day Shred actually lead to High-Fiving?

I submit it cannot.

I do not, I repeat, do not want to do this DVD with the Lumberjack.

Because when I shred, I look . . . .

ridiculous.

Go say hi to Christina.

****

Final Random Topic Quick-Change!

I was wondering if we could try something new?

Por Favor?

When I come home from my glorious trip, I might be tired and in need of help with a post.

Maybe.

So, I was wondering if we could start a questions/answers thingie-ma-jibber?

I have seen other blogs do this and it looks most enjoyable.

Here’s all you have to do:

Submit a question.

It could be about anything.

It could be about me.

It could be about The Lumberjack.

It could be about Jason.

Remember Jason?

It could be about math.

Or language arts.

It could be about fallin’ trees.

It could be about potty training.

You all know I am an expert, right?

Any-who . . . .

Just try to leave a question.

Come on!

It will be fun!

Don’t be lame.

Play my game!

You will be my BFF for sure if you participate.

I promise.

Alright.

Goodbye!

Farewell!

Adios!

Posted in Comment of the Week!, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Handsome Dude, and other Important Items.

Posted on March 16, 2010 by Taylor

Handsome Dude.

My dear, sweet Handsome Dude.

I am sorry.

But you no longer look manly in your John Deere jammers and your big manly truck when you are begging for Barney.

Sorry.

Barney is not manly.

Well, Handsome Dude’s glasses have been missing for over a week.

failure.

But, honestly.

What can I do?

He is a turd.

A turd who insists on dressing himself.

Nice work, Handsome Dude.

Nice work.

I have excellent news for everyone.

I am sure it will thrill you to no end.

Handsome Dude got a brand new pair of glasses!

Doth not he look distinguished?

Handsome Dude?

Is there something on your glasses?

Right there.

On my left, you’re right.

Toothpaste!

Of course!

Brilliant!

My Handsome Dude is growing up.

He will be 3 next week.

He is amazing us everyday with his ever-improving language skills.

Here are just a few, yes, just a sample if you will, of the sentences he has delighted me with today:

“Daddy has money in his pockets!”

“Where’s Tricia’s car?”

(repeat above sentence 28 times)

Interruption: Tricia is the dudes’ babysitter when we go to Bible Study on Wednesday nights.

And she returns weekly.

Let’s give Tricia a round of applause!

PS-Tricia’s car has not been at our home since last Wednesday.

Why is he asking for it?

No one knows.

Or cares.

“Mommy!! (he is shaking and tearing up) Garbage truck so scary! It scare-a-me!”

“Mommy! I tired.”

Well, by all means, my love. Shall I show you to your bed?

“That’s my a-this!”

This would be his new glasses case.

And in conclusion, I would like to present to you my most favorite recent conversation with my Handsome Dude:

Me: Hey! What’s that on the floor?

HD (Handsome Dude! Keep up!): I non’t know?

Me: Dooood . . . .did you pee on my washing machine?

HD: No. Ha-Ha did.

Ha-ha is his name for Daisy Mae.

Me: I don’t think so, bud. Ha-ha can’t pee at such an angle. You peed on my washing machine, didn’t you?

HD: Ok, mommy.

Me: That is very naughty. We don’t pee on washing machines. We pee in toilets.

HD: Ok, mommy. Love you, mommy.

Yes.

He is a turd.

His newest trick is to con other playmates into allowing him to take home a truck from their house.

Here is his latest loot:

Attention all mothers who may invite my family over to your house:

Please resist Handsome Dude.

He will beg you for your child’s prized possessions.

And while he is charming, please do not give in.

This must stop.

Thank you.

In other unrelated news, look at how cute Little Dude is!

I heart Little Dude.

Why?

He has not peed on any of my appliances to date.

Or stolen friends’ toys.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

In yesterday’s post, I got a little silly and mentioned things involving phrases such as *wink wink*.

I was highly stressed about this all evening.

I had to walk around and chant:

“My blog is cute, my blog is fun, and gosh darn it, people like it.”

Interruption: If you did not read the post that explains why I say that, please don’t think that I think I am all that and a bag of chips.

I don’t think I am all that.

Or a bag of chips.

Click on the above link to discover why I chant that.

Or don’t.

The choice is truly yours.

Thank you.

The Lumberjack came home late.

I told him I may have made a major mistake on my blog and that he must read it to see if I should delete it.

LJ: You have a blog?

Me: Stop.

LJ: Fine. How do I find your blog?

Me: Seriously?

LJ: I don’t pay attention to this stuff.

Me: Clearly. Here you go.

reading . . . reading . . . reading

LJ: This makes no sense.

Me: Oh, no! What doesn’t?

My blog is cute, my blog is fun, and gosh darn it, people like it.

My blog is cute, my blog is fun and gosh darn it, people like it.

LJ: Cancun is pro-nude beaches and bazinga?

Me: Bazinga is from a tv show. You hate it. I love it.

No one guessed. Do you not know this show? Seriously?

LJ: What does pro-nude beaches mean?

Me: You didn’t notice all the not-so-dressed girls?

LJ: There were not-so-dressed girls?

Me: Yes. And after you got out of the ocean, remember when you went to rinse off? You walked right by them. A whole army of girls. Lotion-ing each other up.

LJ: Ha! I did? I didn’t even notice.

Awesome!

It’s a good thing he didn’t because LJ had this:

to come back to.

Fact: The Lumberjack loves me very much.

Fact: The Lumberjack tells me I am beautiful every day.

Fact: I, too, love the Lumberjack.

Fact: I am super glad he didn’t see the not-so-dressed girls. Like, really, really, really glad.

No one has scolded me for my questionable post yesterday.

Then again, I have not heard from my parents since I posted, so for all I know, they might have disowned me.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

I am going out-of-town again!

WHHHHHAAAATTTT???!!!

Holla!

I am leaving for Seattle tomorrow afternoon. I will be gone many moons, friends.

Many moons.

I am going sans Lumberjack and sans children.

WHHHAATTTT???!!

Yes.

Tis true, tis true.

I am going with my children’s ministry peeps.

We are going to have a swell, grand, glorious time learning about how to be better children’s ministry peeps.

We have grand times together.

Here I am with my super-cool homey-g Shelly.

Alright.

That’s all for today.

Little Dude has a poo poo in his diaper and it smells nasty something fierce.

Later, dudes!

Happy Tuesday!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Cancun: The Final Chapter.

Posted on March 15, 2010 by Taylor

Hola!

Bienvenidos!

Miercoles!

Fresa!

This will be the last post about our Cancun vacation.

I know.

No one probably even remembers.

But I know I never ended it, and that just does not sit well with me.

To catch up, here are all of my Cancun posts:

Home Again

Not Me, Nor my Husband: Airport Edition

Where’s Waldo?

Walmart in Mexico

So You Think You Can Dance?

Ten Things Thursday: Market 28 Edition

We left off on Wednesday night with me crying tears of sadness, on account of me missing the children so, into my plate of baby adobo goat in chile sauce.

Yum.

Interruption: That was completely and utterly sarcastic. I had tortilla soup, people! Baby goats belong with their mothers.

Thursday.

Thursday was hang out in the sun day.

We sat and ate and slept and ate and read and ate and sun-tanned.

It was, in fact, gorgeous there.

The Lumberjack decided it was about time to take a dip in the ocean.

I decided it was time for me to sit and rest.

So, I took pictures of him while he frolicked amidst the waves.

Look!

That one there is of his hiney.

Lord,

Make me a bird, so I can fly far . . . far, far away from here.

(Name that movie.)

(PS-You can do it! It is so super easy!)

Whoa, Nelly!

Too many birds! I repeat, there are too many birds!

What?!

They’re gone.

I had better swim back to my darling Lumberjill real quick like before they return.

Interruption: Lumberjill was secretly hoping Lumberjack would not return for a few more momentos.

Why?

Because guess what Lumberjill discovered?

Cancun is pro-nude beaches.

Bazinga!

(Name that TV show)

Lumberjill was feeling a smidgen inadequate.

Over and out.

The Lumberjack returned from his swim in the Caribbean and then he stopped to gather seashells for the kids.

Ready, everyone?

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Then we sat and ate and read and ate and slept and ate and ate and slept and read and ate.

Then it was time to get cleaned up for dinner!

Really.

I don’t think much else happened.

I mean, what else is there to do?

*wink, wink*

Oh, dear.

I think I just crossed the line.

Oh, please help this to not be the one out of 10 posts my parents look at.

That would be awkward.

I might have to delete that part after a bit.

Friday!

Friday we shopped.

Cause it was cloudy.

We rode the bus again.

Cause we are cheap.

Then we came back and ate.

Then we tried to sit out in the sun, but it was muy freezing.

So we went inside and finished our reading.

Cause we are senior citizens.

And then we tried to take all those unfortunate pictures with the self-timer that I already shared with you in the post Home Again.

And then we ate dinner.

And that, my friends, was the end.

Or, was it?

*wink, wink*

What has gotten into me today?

On Saturday, we flew home.

It was a loooooooong day of travelling.

Lots of security checks, patting down, and, oh yeah, our plane broke down.

That was a bummer.

But, good news!

The Lumberjack did not bring any weapons this time!

We got home around 1am.

Our house had been fireless for 7 days.

I do declare I have never been so cold in my entire existence.

Me: Lumberjack!

Interruption: I don’t really call him Lumberjack.

Just making sure we are clear on that.

I call him Hot Stuff.

LJ: Go to sleep.

Me: I’m cold.

LJ: Go to sleep.

Me: But do you think we will die of hypothermia?

LJ: Go to sleep.

Me: But it is cold, dude!

LJ: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

On Sunday morn, we went to get the Lumberjacklings from my parents.

Let’s give a big round of applause for my parents who survived a week with my Fab Four!

We loaded up the kids, all 4.2 billion pieces of their personal items and necessities, and drove off.

And less than 1 mile later our car broke down.

Welcome home, Lumberjack!

Welcome home.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Posted in Uncategorized | 28 Comments

Weekend Update!

Posted on March 14, 2010 by Taylor

Okie-dokie, artichokies.

Here’s what’s been going down.

1) Little Miss came over and spent some time with us.

Little Miss is my niece.

Her mom is the Lumberjack’s sister.

Her mom is more woman than I will ever be.

No.

I do not feel inferior to her.

Ok.

I do.

But that is a post for another day.

Little Miss will be a big sister soon.

Like in about 2 weeks soon.

Can I get a “Holla!”?

Raise your hand if you are with me on “holla.”

Good.

Cause we have been through this.

Little Miss helped me dust.

Dust?

Yes.

Dust.

I told her she was welcome back anytime.

2) On Saturday, the Lumberjack and I discussed the plans for the weekend, as all good spouses do.

LJ (short for Lumberjack. Keep up, dudes!): Is there anything you wanted to get done?

Me: Not really. I just should probably do that bothersome 30 day shred DVD. That’s it.

LJ: Ok.

Me: What do you want to do?

LJ: Well, the Excursion and the truck both need new brakes, so I was thinking of getting that taken care of.

Me: Well, where are you taking them?

LJ: Huh? What do you mean?

Me: I mean, WHERE ARE YOU TAKING THEM?

Honestly. It wasn’t a tricky question.

LJ: I will do them.

Me: Yes, of course.

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.

He’s a mighty mighty good man.

(Name that artist)

3) I did the 30 day shred. And I lived to blog about it.

Question.

(Name that tv character)

Is it just me, or does anyone else have trouble getting through all that hopping and jumping jack nonsense without having to hit pause and run to the toilet?

4) The Lumberjack, in all his handsomeness, went to the brakes store.

When he returned, he brought home these:

And this:

And, also this:

I suspect that my dashing Lumberjack also stopped at the large home improvement warehouse after stopping by the brakes store.

Thoughts?

Well, turns out my husband had grand and glorious plans for this Saturday.

Hold on to your pants, folks!

Taylor’s getting a new sink!

And, yes.

He still did the brakes.

No.

You cannot have him.

He is mine.

5) On Saturday night, we did a little entertaining.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

Yes, it’s true.

We can be classy at times.

We hosted a lovely game/snack night.

I made a new recipe for brownies.

It called for 3 cups of white sugar.

Now, I know that sounds excessive, but when you combine those 3 cups of sugar with 2 sticks of butter and 4 eggs, it just doesn’t seem so bad.

Now, the Lumberjack has always preferred brownies from a mix.

But, you see, my big ol’ Excursion was out of commission while he was doing whatever needed to be done to the brakes.

So, I was forced to make homemade brownies.

My hands were tied.

I will have everyone know that my Lumberjack declared those brownies to be the best homemade brownies he has ever eaten.

Jason was at game night.

Remember Jason?

Dang.

I am just too funny.

Jason had a hard time remaining focused on game night because he had to text his new honey, Amy.

So, he lost.

6) On Sunday, the Lumberjack was back into his Mr. Fix-It mode, for when I returned from church, he was out in the backyard with armed with circular saws, air compressors, nail guns and the like.

Interruption: Lest there be any confusion amongst you, please understand that we all go as a family to church on Friday nights and then the Lumberjack stays home with the Lumberjacklings while I go and serve in children’s ministry each Sunday morn.

He was fixing Handsome Dude’s trailer.

Handsome Dude has a bike/trailer combo and he loves it.

But, alas.

It broke.

Update on Little Dude’s hair: He still has none.

Men at work.

All better!

Yay, Lumberjack!

Yay!

Please pardon the interruption while I speak to one specific person.

Attention Ms. Little Brown House:

Once Upon a Time, you asked how much wood we would actually use.

Here is the before picture:

2009_9_20 154

That was circa September.

Here is a picture I took today:

Yeah, baby!

We keep the home fires burning.

(Name that artist)

For Taylor’s super cool step-by-step instructions on how to build a fire, read this post from the days of yore.

And don’t say I never taught you anything.

7) Finally, we took the kids to the park.

Hands of, girls.

He’s all mine.

So is he.

Off we go!

Basketball!

Please notice Daisy Mae.

She is sporting a lovely white jacket.

Are you wondering where Handsome Dude’s glasses are?

So are we.

Where is Daisy Mae?

Daisy Mae!

Stop staring at them!

Please, Daisy Mae.

Come join us.

Come away from the light, Daisy Mae.

Come away from the light.

Oh, dear me, Daisy Mae!

What tragic event has taken place?

Daddy didn’t give you a turn?

For shame, Lumberjack.

For shame.

Whee!

Raise your hand if you think this is a bad idea.

Alright.

I would like to state for the record that, yes, I realize that my posts have become ridiculously long as of late.

I apologize.

It is my goal to write a short post within the next two weeks.

And in conclusion, I would like to leave you with one final image.

I want you to picture with me, if you will, a lovely young lady.

She has long, flowing hair.

She has clear, beautiful skin.

Her skin is somewhat bronze still from the Cancun sun.

She has birthed four children.

Yet, one could never tell.

And when the wind blows, her hair ripples behind her, revealing her bright, beautiful eyes and soft smile.

I am not this woman.

Farewell, dudes!

Posted in Uncategorized, Weekend Updates | 26 Comments

My blog is cute. My blog is fun. And gosh darn it, people like it.

Posted on March 13, 2010 by Taylor

Guess what time it is, folks?

Yes.

It is the moment you have all been anticipating . . . it is time to announce the Comment of the Week!

Please.

Try and contain your excitement.

Erin, who I would consider my new blogging friend, has won this week’s prestigious award.

Erin writes the blog, Is it Bedtime yet?

Erin is a hoot.

A hoot, I tell you.

Go say hello to Erin.

Erin?

Are you there?

Are you my friend?

Wouldn’t that be embarrassing if she didn’t look at my blog today?

Then I would have to de-award her.

I kid!

I jest!

Ok, Erin left this comment on my post Ten Things Thursday.

In this post, I mentioned how sometimes this blog stresses me out.

And, yes.

It can be true at times.

I worry about responding to comments.

I worry that people think I take bad pictures.

I worry that people think I use the center button too much.

I worry that people think my house looks messy.

I worry that people think my meaningless points are dumb.

And, I go through bouts of blog post paranoia like you would not believe.

You may ask: “What, pray tell, is blog post paranoia?”

Well, gentle readers, blog post paranoia is when you write a post that you find to be interesting or mildly amusing.

You check your blog’s stats areas and see that, yes, other cyber-humans have perused said post.

Yet, these same cyber-humans are not leaving comments.

Then you are left to battle the blog demons inside your head that taunt you with feelings such as:

Your blog is so dumb.

People hated this post.

No one got it.

It wasn’t funny.

You had a tiddly-bit too many spelling errors.

People are tired of hearing about Handsome Dude’s glasses. Let it go! Stop talking about it! Move on!

Mayday! Mayday! Blogging is not meant for you!

Run! And don’t look back!

***

And that, my friends, is blog post paranoia.

Not that I have ever experienced any of those feelings.

Any-who . . . .

I have decided that I will take Erin’s advice from now on.

Here is her comment.

Are you ready?

Wait for it . . .

And . . .

Go:

“Here is a comment for you Taylor, so we can be BFFs:

Don’t stress out about your blog
And don’t respond to every comment. Real life matters more. No one will get hurt feelings.
And if they do, then they don’t remember that you have 4 children. And that one of them is Handsome Dude.

Just tell yourself: “My blog is cute. My blog is fun. And gosh darn it, people like it.”

Now hurry up and reply to this comment.

hee hee”

Brilliant, Erin!

Brilliant.

My blog is cute. My blog is fun. And gosh darn it, people like it.

Raise your hand if you have a blog.

Repeat after me: My blog is cute. My blog is fun. And gosh darn it, people like it.

Good, class.

Yes.

I will chant this when my posts are dumb.

I will repeat this when my comments are low.

I will sing this when people stop coming to my blog.

It will be . . . my motto.

Attention fellow bloggers:

I encourage you to adopt this motto for yourselves.

Don’t try to pretend like you have never had any of these feelings.

Right?

I’m not the only one, right?

Attention people who read this blog and do not have a blog of their own:

I am not crazy or have any sort of mental illness.

Get a blog.

You will understand.

It’s stressful, dudes!

And, in conclusion, I have two extremely important and pressing items to bring to the table.

1) Most of you crazies like peanut M&Ms.

And one commenter asked why Sir Lumberjack pours milk on his M&Ms.

Her confusion was understandable.

Well, my Lumberjack, who is especially concerned with eating healthy, actually ate a bowl of strawberry ice cream first.

Then, when he was all done, he determined that his sweet tooth was not yet satisfied.

So he ate the peanut M&Ms and de-peanutified them.

Cause he is strange like that.

2) I would like to announce to everyone that I, yes, I, Taylor Mal-i-blah-blah, did the 30-day shred yesterday again for the first time in about 3 weeks.

I’ll wait for you to finish your applause.

I am also back with the 8-minute abs.

Is anyone doing this with me?

Does anyone want to join me?

Let me know, dudes.

We could do it together!

Let’s get physical!

(Name that music artist)

Later, dudes!

Posted in Comment of the Week! | 29 Comments

Ten Things Thursday

Posted on March 11, 2010 by Taylor

It is Thursday.

And here are 10 Random Things that in No Way Relate to One Another.

Enjoy.

1) I was going to do a Wordless Wednesday post yesterday.

But then, this happened:

And I felt it was more pressing.

Would you like to see what my post would have been if my husband hadn’t shaved my baby?

It would have gone a little something like this:

Wordless Wednesday

Do you get it?

It’s pictures of him sleeping.

I’m not really good at Wordless Wednesdays.

I like to chat too much.

2) I am having a hard time getting back on the diet bandwagon since our vacation.

I fear my stomach must have grown 3 sizes with all that snacking and eating and buffeting and sampling.

On Tuesday, I was supposed to start back up with my 3 mean friends on Weight Watchers.

And on Tuesday I made Slow Cooker Chocolate Chip Cake.

And I ate it.

Then on Wednesday, I did fairly good.

I was even doing my 8 minute abs that Erin makes me do.

But the entire time I was 8-minute abbing, that cake was calling me.

And I ate it.

3) Jillian Michaels and the 30 Day Shred are collecting dust on the top of my entertainment center.

I know I should welcome her back into my life.

But I hate plank jacks!

Can I get an Amen?

1 million (meaningless) points to anyone who can kick my behind and get me back into gear.

4) Awhile back, I asked you all if you thought that I gained more weight or the Lumberjack gained more weight.

And every single one of you guessed me.

Well, here are the results:

The Lumberjack: Gained 7 Pounds.

The Lumberjill: Gained 2 Pounds.

Thanks, guys.

I’m glad you all got my back.

5) While in Portland, Daisy Mae created her own joke.

Would you like to hear it?

“What’s always with you?”

Then she giggles and laughs and giggles and laughs.

“Your bottom!”

Tasteful, Daisy Mae.

Tasteful.

6) Daisy Mae has been on a roll lately.

Full of sass, I tell you.

Here is a visual for you of my Daisy Mae:

Here she is with Uncle Jason.

Daisy Mae really loves chips.

And Uncle Jason.

Do you remember Jason?

Am I being mean to Jason?

Hmmm . . .

What was I talking about?

Oh, yes.

My sassy Daisy Mae.

In Portland, she looked at my cousin, who had clear nail polish on and she said to her,

“I just love your nails. They looks so pretty. Do you have to lick them often?”

Brilliant, Daisy Mae.

Brilliant.

7) I just remembered something else Daisy Mae did.

Yesterday, when we picked her up from school, she looked at her brother and his new super-fab haircut,

had a look of shock all over her face, and then asked me,

“Mom? I think Cokey-the-Bear was adopted.”

Note to self: Explain to Daisy Mae what adoption means.

That Daisy Mae.

She is a silly little thing.

8) I really, really, really, really, want to eat a Big Mac.

bigmac.jpg Big Mac image by TonyMontana007

Boy, this post is really, really long.

And extremely pointless.

9) Sometimes this blog stresses me out.

Would you like to help me out with what is currently stressing me out?

Comments.

First of all, I love them and everyone who leaves comments are my BFF.

Seriously.

They make my world go round.

Please.

The Lumberjack's Wife

Not Me! Seattle Edition

Jas-Bud-Dooter-Tooter

The most random post. Ever.

Handsome Dude, and other Important Items.

Cancun: The Final Chapter.

Weekend Update!

My blog is cute. My blog is fun. And gosh darn it, people like it.

Ten Things Thursday

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