The Lumberjack's Wife

So, we are getting two new cats.  Because I looked around and said to myself,

“Taylor.  We need more animals.  Yes!  That is exactly what we need.”

Someone was needing to find a home for a mama cat and one of her babies and I said we could take them.  My boys are extremely excited for this great event to occur.  Upon hearing the joyous news, Little Dude ran up to Mr. Poppers, our current kitty, and asked him,

“Mr. Poppers!  Are you excited to meet your new flam-i-lee?!?”

And flam-i-lee would actually be “family.”  Of course.

The kids have made a “cat house” for the cats to dwell in.  And I am sure the cats will actively participate in enjoying their new house.  Because we all know how deeply cats strive to please humans.

I believe we are collecting our new felines on Friday.  It will be most exciting.

Strawberries!  Let’s talk about strawberries.  For it pleases us so.

We have clearly missed our calling as Strawberry Farmers.

Obviously.

It’s all just so exciting for us country folk, you know?  We ain’t got nothing else to do but pick them berries and get all happy-like.

Oh!  And we made pie!  A real, strawberry pie.  Complete with homemade crust.  And you all know how much I excel at the homemade pie crust.  I got so tickled with myself that I made a blackberry pie the next day.  Yes!  Another pie!  Because apparently I am fond of pie.  Who knew?!

***

Back in May, we bought a Bobcat.  Do not ask me what a Bobcat is.  I know not.  But we own one.  Immediately it had to be driven to a mechanic who lives about two hours away.  6 weeks and many, MANY dollars later, it was finally ready to be picked up.  David went and picked it up on Wednesday night.  He came home, unloaded it from the trailer, and off he went.

Where was he going?  What was his purpose?  Did he miss me?

We may never know.

On Saturday, he was clearing the land for the upcoming “horse fence” when the Bobcat plumb stopped working.  Which was unfortunate, seeing as we had spent the aforementioned MANY MANY dollars to ensure that it would, oh, what’s the word . . . WORK.  He was having trouble loading the not-working-right Bobcat onto the trailer so we had to call our neighbor over to bring his Bobcat to push our Bobcat onto the trailer.  Which is a totally normal favor to ask of your neighbor.

Fact Check:  I have no idea if what our neighbor is driving is actually a “Bobcat.”  The word “skidsteer” also comes to mind, but really.  What do I know?  Not much.  They are all tractors to me.  Even though they are not.  But that’s what I call them all.  Tractors.  I will have to ask David if I used the term “skidsteer” correctly in the post and award myself some meaningless points if I did so.

So, anyways.  We were quite bummed with the whole Bobcat sitch.  We had been hoping to get some work done and didn’t really get anywhere on the fence project this weekend.

***

It is hot today.  Hot, hot, hot my friends.  The kids and I went outside quickly to get the chores done and skeedaddled back inside.

Little Dude was quite proud of his egg gathering skills.  Or skillz, if you prefer.

Usually Little Dude drops an egg or two or lets a hen or two out.  So this trip was quite successful for him.  It’s probably because he is 5 now.

He is a bit of a flirt these days.  I was watching him last Friday night in church.  There is a girl who helps out in our room and she is about 12 or 13 years old.  Methinks Little Dude has a bit of a crush on her.

LD to girl (shouting, because-have you met him?):  HEY!  HEY,YOU!  WHERE YOU SITTING?

So, she kindly let him sit by her.  And he was beaming, oh yes, he was.  Then he had to get up and run around the room a few times during a special song.  As preschoolers are apt to do during their worship service.

LD to girl:  DID YOU SEE ME RUNNING?

Girl:  Yes,  I did.

LD:  YEAH.  I AM REALLY FAST NOW.  DID YOU SEE ME GO ROUND AND ROUND?  I’M FIVE NOW, YOU KNOW.

Girl:  Oh!

And she was so sweet to him and even obliged him when he asked her to walk around the room 87 times pushing a Hot Wheel.  And she did it.  All 87 times.  Bless her heart.

Happy Monday!

A Wednesday Morning List.  Of happenstances.

1)  My mom had a birthday.  She took the day off from work so we could hit the beach.  And darn our luck, it rained.  In fact, it rained so much, it set a new record for our area.

So we went shopping instead.  And, as all 53 year olds do on their birthdays, she saw a Claire’s shop and decided she was ready to get her ears pierced!

You are never too old to give up on your dreams.

2)  After our rainy shopping day, we went back to mom and dad’s house for a lovely dinner.  Little Dude and my mom’s birthdays are one day apart, so they shared the spotlight.

3)  On Saturday, David and I started to prepare the land to build a fence for our future horse.

First, we had to figure out where our property line was.  We had two stakes about 150-200 yards apart and my job was to run a string between the two.

This job was not as easy as it sounds.

Our land is not, oh, what’s the word? . . . tame.  I would think the string was going straight, then David would kindly point out to me that it was snagged a few yards back and was no longer straight and I would tell him I have never had to figure out property lines before and I wasn’t meant to live in the country anyways.

I was very concerned that we would spend all this time and money building a fence, only to accidentally build some of the fence on the neighboring property.  And that would be the end of the world.  Obviously.

So, I put on my Big-Girl-Thinking-Pants and downloaded a compass app on my smart phone and figured that was a solid plan.  David asked me what on earth I was doing and I reminded him that I was never meant to live in the country anyways.

So he helped me.  Teller for the win!

We pulled the string down and he would annihilate any branch or bush that was in our way.

Horse fence: 1

Nature: 0.

It took us three hours to create that perfect line, I kid you not.  This had better be one special horse.  Next we had to set the corner posts in concrete.

Why?  I don’t know.  I wasn’t meant for this life, remember?  And how was David born knowing how to do all of these things?  I ask you?  He is amazing.

Look!  We have something called a “Post Hole Digger!”  Who knew?!

Check out David’s boots.  I was wearing the same, exact ones.  Matchy-Matchy!

At some point in all of this nonsense, David starts talking about right triangles.  I looked at him almost as if he was an insane, crazy person.  And rightfully so.  Then he starts mumbling numbers and scratching his head.  I ask him what’s going on.  Because, and this might come as a shock to you, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON.

David:  A squared plus B squared equals C squared, Taylor.

Me:  Huh?

And then I vaguely remembered sitting in a classroom back in the late 90’s and hearing something eerily similar to this A squared/B squared nonsense.

It’s a formula!  A math formula!

Attention all math students who have ever wondered if they would ever be using any of these formulas in real life:  I would like to announce that on Saturday, the 22nd of June, in the year Two Thousand and Thirteen, my husband, David Maliblahblah, used a math formula.  In real life.

I never knew my lumberjack was so learned.

Anyways.  We worked all day and are nowhere near finished.  Story of our lives.

4)  My birthday was on Sunday.  I turned the big 3-2.  I asked David to help me build window boxes for my birthday, and he obliged.

I even got to “help.”  He had me in charge of the nail gun.  I was feeling particularly proud of myself for being so handy.

I would like everyone to see how good I am at using a nail gun.

Window box.  Nailed it.

We made four of them that look like these for the four windows on our shop:

I had an old window I found for $5 at a yard sale and David made a planter out of old pallet boards.  We made this little beauty for the chicken coop:

Seriously.  Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Yes.  There is a crack in the window.  I care not.

5)  Remember how my house was all peach when we moved in?  Last fall/winter, we painted a good portion of the main floor, but there is still a lot of peach going on in the house.  A lot of peach, my friends.

I found a gallon of “oops” paint at the Home Depot for $7 and figured it would look better than peach.  And I was right!  And I painted two bathrooms gray.  For SEVEN dollars.  As if life could not be any more exciting!

Goodbye, peach.

Hello, gray!

And I did it all by myself!  Ceilings and everything!  I even got tons of paint in my hair!

6)  I ran into a slight snag when it came time to paint behind the toilet.  I was reading an article online and it said the best thing to do was to find a “skilled handyman” to move the toilet.

I pointed to David and congratulated him on being the “skilled handyman” of my dreams.  Apparently, he wasn’t up to the task so I made this little contraption instead:

It is a stir stick hot glued to a paint pad replacement thing.  Worked like a charm!

7)  Our strawberries are on like Donkey Kong.  I sent the boys out with one, small container yesterday.  They were resourceful and went and got some mason jars as well when the container was too full.

That was our third time out in about a week or so!

8)  I have been busy trying to make some sort of yard here.  I don’t know why.  I just feel the need.  It is not going well.  But I will persevere!

I would like to announce that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah, am a total man now.  Here is a list of my accomplishments:

*I can start AND use a weed whacker

*I can start AND use a rototiller

*I can start AND use a lawn mower AND fill it up with gas.  GAS, people!

*I CAN LIGHT A BBQ (seriously, did this for the first time this month)

*I can (kind of) use a nail gun

Aren’t we so proud of me?  We are.

Happy Wednesday!

Since my first child was born ten and a half years ago, I have been a stay at home mom.  I will admit that the idea of staying at home never appealed to me and I never really thought I would do so.  I was very young and did not really have an opinion on the matter.  Once my daughter was born, the thought of someone else taking care of her every day, instead of myself, made me sad!  So, my husband and I thought it would be best for me to stay home until all of our children were of Kindergarten age.

Staying at home was not easy.

Once my fourth child was born, it certainly seemed I would never reach the day when all four of them were “of kindergarten age.”

Whenever I think of staying at home with kids, I think of the saying, “the days are LONG, but the years are short.”

How many days did I stare at the clock wondering when naptime was coming?

How many diapers have I changed?  Hours spent nursing?  Hours spent reading?  Cleaning?

How often have I tried to reason with a toddler on the necessity of pants?

How many moments did I spend exhausted, discouraged, happy, worried, and blessed?  How often had I been frustrated with a child, maybe even put her in bed for a little time out, and then went to check on her and had my heart overflow with love?

Staying at home was my mission in life and my mission seemed never ending!

But yesterday, my baby turned five.

(Little Dude, age 1, taking his first steps)

Little Dude, yesterday, on his 5th birthday.

I feel like I have crossed some sort of imaginary finish line!  It was a day that I never thought would come.  A day that I had waited for!  And it ended up making me feel sad.  Even with all the frustration and exhaustion, it was worth it.  And I am thankful that I was able to spend all of those moments with my kids.  I am thankful for my husband who worked so many long hours so I could stay home.  And I am thankful to God for blessing me with four, healthy children.

If you are staying at home right now with small children, take heart!  What you are doing really is important!  It does matter!  And someday, you will look around you and realize that no one is in diapers anymore, needs a sippy cup, needs help in the bathroom, needs a nap, nor has spit up all over them . . . and you might even feel a little sad.

Of course, I am still going to be at home with my kids since we homeschool.  But I feel like we are entering a new chapter in our lives . . . and I am going to try and be thankful for all the moments I have with my kids . . . the good and the bad.

***

 Back to Little Dude’s birthday . . .

His cake did not turn out as grand as I had hoped.  Are you surprised?  But he still enjoyed it.

We went camping last weekend and he double loves camping so it was a win all around for him.

(David and Little Dude)

And before I go, I wanted to share with you a funny, albeit horribly embarrassing story involving Little Dude.

The kids and I were out and the husband of someone I know was there and he was saying hello and making some small chitchat.  As he turned to walk away, Little Dude shout/asked:

“MOM!?  IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND?”

Yikes!

And I would like the records to show that I do not have a boyfriend.

***

Today is my mom’s birthday!  Happy Birthday, Mom!  In honor of her birthday, I thought I would share with you a hilarious text message she sent to me the morning after she got her new smartphone a few weeks ago.

“Help!  Everytime someone calls me, I cannot figure out how to answer the phone.  I can only text.  Can you find out how to answer my phone for me?”

So, I had to Google it for her and text her back.

What would she do without me?

Happy Thursday!

This week has been really crazy.  The girls participated in a basketball camp, so we drove to town 4 days in a row.  We also spent a lot of time at our rental (also in town) cleaning, painting, and doing general maintenance.  I am exhausted!

Today, I planted some green beans in the garden and some periwinkle and ivy in another area of our “yard.”

And I use the term “yard” quite loosely.  It is more of a weed jungle with farm animals scattered about.

I had to clear out a bunch of brush to make this possible.  I am so manly now.  Seriously.  I operate heavy machinery, such as weed-whackers and rototillers.  Very impressive, I know.  I even attempted to reload the string in the weed-whacker all by myself!  I spent an hour on it.  I don’t think I did it right, though.  My biggest clue was that when I turned the whacker back on, the entire string compartment went flying off.  Which is never good.

I have ivy near the arbor and I am hoping that someday it will cover the arbor.  The plants on the bottom are periwinkle for ground cover.  I really have no idea what I am doing.  I probably should put straw or bark down on the black fabric stuff, but I am fresh out.  Maybe the periwinkle will spread quickly and I won’t have to worry about it?  I don’t know.  I have no plan.  Basically I am just running rototillers and throwing plants in the ground, hoping something nice and aesthetically pleasing happens.  But I live in Ruralville, so know one will really care.

Look at my peony!

It bloomed!  IT BLOOMED!  IT BLOOMED!  I got all giddy-like and went to buy another one.  The nursery was closing for the season and she had a whole bunch of them for $4 each!  So I bought like 7!  BECAUSE IT BLOOMED!  And the deer have not discovered my peony yet.  AND IT BLOOMED!

In case you haven’t heard, Teller is not much of the gardening type.  She gets excited if something lives.  FYI.

We are also getting ready to go camping for Father’s Day and to celebrate Little Dude’s 5th birthday.

FIFTH birthday!?!  Can you believe it?  I can’t.  My baby!  Five!  He wanted a construction type cake for the festivities.  You all know how I excel at the cake decorating, so I was super excited to try another one out.

On a scale of 1-10, I give it a 3.  And that’s just because I am biased.  But the boy fancies it, and that’s all that matters.

Handsome Dude wanted to wrap David’s Father’s Day present and this is what happened:

Here are some steps to achieve the classy wrapping job pictured above:

1.  Get really excited that your mom said you could be in charge of wrapping.

2.  Ask your mom if you get to do this because you are six now.

3.  Go to your dad’s shop.  Find an old box that is missing a top and is taped together on the sides with some sort of electrical tape.  Never mind that your mother has an entire tote full of gift bags in the house.  This plan is much more rock solid.

4.  Carefully place the gift of new socks, M&Ms, and a back scratcher in the box.  Never mind that the box is four sizes to big.  Dads like this sort of thing.

5.  Now you need to make a plan for the top of the box.  Go downstairs and locate the Christmas wrapping paper.  You will find it next to the non-Christmas wrapping paper and the tote of gift bags that would have made your life easier in the first place.

6.  Cut a ginormous piece of Christmas wrapping paper out.  Please be sure to leave the scissors (open of course) on the floor, as well as the roll of paper.  Moms like that.

7.  Now you need tape!  Open the junk drawer and ignore the scotch tape.  The blue painter’s tape is a much better option.

8.  Who needs a card?  Take a black sharpie and write “Dad” on the box.

9.  Step back and admire your work.  You are six now and are able to handle such tasks.  Nice work!

Alright!  Happy Weekend!

We have been very busy working on getting our rental ready for summer renters, but I thought I might share with you how I made the hanging baskets.

First of all, I really wanted to do some landscaping in the backyard of the rental.  I mentioned this to my beloved and he looked at me as if I were an insane, crazy person.  Then he started talking about having to move sprinklers all around and dig ditches and blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada.

So I had myself and idea!  Hanging baskets!  Along the back fence!  Brilliant.

The biggest problem was going to be the fact that renters stay anywhere from 3-7 days, but usually closer to 7 days.  We usually do not go to the house during that time.  So the baskets would not be watered for 3-7 days.  And is it tacky to ask renters to water the baskets for you?  I think it might be?  I don’t know.

Anyways.  My good friend, Pinterest, and I got right to work with figuring out how to make this all happen.  So, without further ado, I would like to present to you how I made my baskets.  I would also like to remind you that is the first time I have ever done so and it might all turn out terribly.  Be warned.

1)  I bought wire baskets frames with coconut liners at the Home Depot.  I think they were 14 inches in diameter and cost around $5 each.

2)  I lined the bottom of the basket with a diaper.  Yes.  A diaper.  I KNOW!  Weird.  But apparently there are some water crystals in diapers that would help the hanging basket hold moisture.  And since I am all about holding onto moisture, I decided to give it a go.

3)  Next, I got plastic water bottles.  I sliced off the bottom and poked holes into the sides of the water bottle.  I found the idea from Pinterest and here is the picture that inspired me so deeply:

(Source)

4)  I put my water bottle in the center of the basket and added Miracle Grow Moisture Control Potting Mix.  Apparently it is the bomb-diggity in the world of potted soils.

5)  I planted my petunias.  I only planted them in the top, not on the sides as the picture above shows.  I got the petunias that trail so I am hoping that as time goes on, the petunias will be spilling over the side.

So, that’s what I did.  My mother and I actually did them together.  I made six and she made four.  I have four at my rental.  Here are some photos of my baskets.

Look!  The diaper is peeking out a bit.  Classy.

Water bottle in the center.  My hope is that I will keep the baskets moist and then fill that water bottle before a renter comes.  Hopefully it will seep out and keep the baskets moist for a few days.

You can’t even see the water bottle in there!  And they look like they are going to trail over the sides, right?  RIGHT?  RIGHT?

I had my handy-dandy husband hang some delightful brackets on the back fence and voila!  We have four hanging baskets lining the backyard to add some color to the backyard.

The baskets only cost us around $8-$10 to make each and we will be able to use the metal basket part again next year.

So.  This whole idea of mine is either going to be an epic fail or brilliant.  I am voting for “Epic Fail.”  Because that is the story of my life in the gardening department.

What do you think?  Will they live?  Will they die?

Only time will tell.

Weeds.

I loathe them.  If you were reading my blog last year, you might recall that I spent most of my summer weeding my stupid, stupid, stupid, dumb garden.  I am bound and determined to not have a repeat of last summer.

There is more to life than weeding!  I am sure of it!

The astute reader might recall that we foolishly housed pigs in about 3/4ths of our garden.  As a result of this decision, 3/4ths of our garden is hazardous to plant in this season and will sit barren all summer long.

Epic fail.

The good news is this:  I only have to deal with weeding 1/4th of the garden!  The size of the entire garden is about 40ft by 100ft.

Since we had to wait until all the little piggies had turned into bacon, I didn’t get into the garden until last week.

Believe it or not, there are strawberry, blueberry, raspberry, and blackberry bushes somewhere in that jungle.

Here is a picture of the unusable section of the garden.

It is a dry, barren, pig poop-filled wasteland.

Please take note of the bike that is ditched on the ground.  My boys are the cutest things ever.  Naughty?  Yes.  But also cute.  They live all day on their bikes.  They check on Handsome Dude’s pet bunny, “Ellie.”  They get the mail.  They check for eggs.

They got stuff to do, man.

Anyways.  David is too busy to deal with the garden during this time, so the task of weeding the jungle fell on yours truly.

And can we all stop a minute and be impressed with me?  I mean, really.  Those were a lot of weeds.  And my helpers spent more time bickering with each other than actually helping.  But we finished it in two days and on the second day, I told the kids that if we finished by lunch time, we could hit the beach.  And we did!

Here is our weeded garden:

After we weeded, we laid down newspaper and straw.  I am hoping to put a stop to any more massive weeding sessions.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I would also like the people to know that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah operated a weed whacker and a mini-rototiller during this fun-filled weeding session.

I even pull-started both machines all by myself.

I’ll give you a moment to recover from your understandable shock.

***

David finished the wood shed this weekend.  Poor guy.  He has been working on that thing for a couple of months now.  He had to rip it all down and start over.

I have named it, “The Million Dollar Wood Shed.”  On account of how many man-hours he has into this thing.

I would not have ripped it down and started over.  That would have infuriated me!  I would have thrown a fit, moped, and either:

A)  Just lived with the one that wasn’t “square”

or

B)  Hired somebody else to do it.

But he did it.  And he did not throw a fit.  Nor did he mope.

***

And now I must show you the most exciting picture ever!  (Remember, I am old now and strange things excite me)

Look at my cute chicken coop!

IT HAS A HANGING BASKET!  As if life could not be any more exciting.  My mom and I made our own hanging baskets this year in an effort to save money.  I think they turned out nicely.  I made two for my Ruralville house and four for my rental.

Look at me with my big girl gardening pants on!

I am a little stressed as to how I am going to keep the rental baskets watered all summer long.  We rent the house out as a vacation rental during the summer so there will be times when I am only there once a week to water them.

This will probably kill the lovely hanging baskets.

I put a diaper in the baskets to help hold in the water.  Pinterest told me I should.

I put a water bottle with holes in the sides in the center of the basket to help with the watering.  Again.  Pinterest.

But will that be enough?

Only time will tell.

Alright!  I am off to town to work on the aforementioned rental.  We have been busy working on sprucing it up for summer.

Later, Gators.

I have not blogged in many moons and so much has happened!

We have a lot of ground to cover.  I hope you have your party pants on!

1)  We went to visit Sister Meagan who lives many hours away in the great city of Boise.

Remember Sister Meagan?

(She is the one who looks like she is about to murder David, who was taking the picture at the time.  And understandably so.  He was exasperating us.)

My mother joined us for the awesome 8 hour drive with four kids in a minivan.  She was excited, as you can imagine.

What was really exciting was the fact that mother and I wore striped shirts and were twinsies without even planning it!  When we checked into our hotel, Sweet Pea changed her shirt and, as luck would have it, she was all stripey, too!  So, in the spirit of togetherness, Sister Meagan changed into stripes.

Could we be any cooler?  I ask you?

Yes.  I am taller than my kin.  I am like Ginormica.

So, we were visiting Meagan at her abode and she brought out sidewalk chalk for the dudes to entertain themselves with.  And it was during this visit that I realized just how un-city-like my boys have become.

Meagan lives in a duplex.  Little Dude does not understand this and he just tried to walk in the other people’s front door.

Also.  They don’t understand streets and just keep coloring and tried to color in the street.  Sister Meagan used her quick-like thinking skills and came up with a motto for the boys to repeat during their visit:

“THERE WILL BE NO DYING IN BOISE!”

And, so, everywhere we went, Little Dude would randomly raise his fist in the air and shout:

“NO DYING IN BOISE!”

It is a good motto, you must admit.

Whilst in Boise, we visited the Capitol.

I am pretty sure the boys have no clue what a Capitol is.  I care not.  I figure they need to first master the “th” sound without spitting all over me.  Then we will move onto the wonderful world of government.

Here is a family photo of the six of us posing with our good friends, Lewis and Clark, and their friend whose name I cannot recall.

David.  Ever so happy.

A kind passerby took this group photo from inside the Capitol building.

And I am just now realizing that Meagan is not in the picture.

Meagan!  Where were you?  We lost you!

We were clearly quite concerned.

We also went to the zoo and it was extremely exciting for the children.

Sweet Pea convinced me to take this fun photo:

I make a good tortoise.

Handsome Dude feeding the goats:

Raise your hand if you think we will get a goat someday.

Little Dude checking out the penguins.

Sweet Pea.

With a photobomb courtesy of Meagan.

Daisy Mae and Sister Meagan.  Plus two giraffes.

And that concludes my recap of the Boise trip.  And no one died.

2)  Handsome Dude graduated from Kindergarten.

The astute reader might recall that I was a bit worried about the education of the boy.  I am happy to report that he has come a long way from the beginning of the year!

He can read!

He can write!

He can tell time, add simple numbers, determine place value, and copy sentences.  He even remembers to include a period at the end of a sentence.

My son!  Properly punctuating sentences!  Holla!

Sadly, he still cannot properly aim into a toilet seat.  Perhaps that will be a first grade skill.

3)  The girls had a piano recital

Sweet Pea is in pink, Daisy Mae in the dress.

4)  We finished school last Friday.  On Friday, I was just trying to get through the day.  I started Sweet Pea’s grammar lesson.

Like I have done.  Every day.  All the livelong year.

Me:  Let’s say the definition of an adverb together.

Sweet Pea:  An adverb is a-

Me (slamming book shut):  I cannot do this anymore.  We are done.

Sweet Pea:  Seriously?

Me:  Yup!

And, so.  Our last day of school ended at 10:08 am.  And I wash my hands of adverbs.  Until September, of course.

5)  Last week I was doing laundry and I noticed my boys marching, very solemnly, down the driveway.  They were carrying a shovel.

After I folded the laundry, I went outside to feed the chickens and rabbits.  Because, have you heard?!

I am a farm person.  Not by choice, but by marriage.

Handsome Dude rode up to me on his bike, as he is wont to do.

Me:  Hey, what were you boys doing with that shovel?

HD:  Oh, we found a dead baby rabbit.

Me:  You did?

HD:  Yup.  A white one.  We buried it.

And then off he rode.

I didn’t know whether to cry, be proud, or sanitize him.

Happy Tuesday!

Over the past few days, we have had a wild turkey hen come and hang out with the rabbits.

Yes!  We also raise rabbits.  Be impressed.

Anyways.  I am not sure why this turkey keeps coming.  She just hangs out and eats their food.  Part of the rabbits’ yard shares a fence with the chickens.  When the turkey is near the chicken pen, the rooster goes nuts.  Methinks he wants to meet her.

Roosters.  Very interested in the females.

Handsome Dude went to get eggs and was uber thrilled to find the world’s largest egg in the coop.

The kids were thinking maybe our turkey hen friend laid this humdinger.  But I don’t think a wild turkey would fly over a 6ft high fence, crawl through a small opening into a chicken coop, sit on a nest box next to the other hens, lay an egg, and leave.

But what do I know?

Not much.

I bought myself a hydrangea plant.  All my life I have wanted to grow beautiful hydrangeas.  I think I tried about three hydrangea plants when we lived in town.  And they all died.

Tragic.

I saw a beautiful hydrangea at Costco and could not resist.  And I bought it . . . so I could murder it, most likely.  Because that’s what I do best with hydrangeas.

I planted it yesterday right by the garden fence.  The astute reader might recall that the garden is where the pigs currently reside.  Daisy Mae came up to me whilst I was planting.

Daisy Mae:  Mom, aren’t you worried the pigs will eat the flowers of your new plant?

Me:  Nope.  The pigs will be dead in about four hours anyways.

Daisy Mae:  Oh.  Cool!

And off she went.  My kids are so farm-ish now.

But, guess what!  David butchered the pigs yesterday and, for those of you keeping up with such things, that means we have NO MORE PIGS!

Can I get an “Amen?”

I will bet you many dollars that we will have pigs again in the future.  Apparently David has been hearing from “the people” who have bought our pigs and “the people” are raving about the delicious-ness of David and Taylor’s homegrown swine.  “The people” are telling David they would be interested in buying more pork from his next year.

I think “the people” need to keep their mouths shut.

Anyways, as I mentioned, David butchered the last two pigs yesterday and he loaded up the pig bodies into the back of the truck.

Fear not!  They were not visible to passersby!  Tarps hide wonders.

So, we load the pigs and a bunch of our garbage.  Because, didn’t you know?  We haul our garbage to the dump.  As classy people do.

So, off we go down the road.  David and Taylor.  Four kids.  Trash.  And pigs.

David to Daisy Mae:  Can you keep an eye out the back and let me know if anything looks like it might be falling out?

(He was referring to the garbage.  I did not realize this. )

Me:  David!  We can have pigs flying out of the truck!  That is not safe!

David:  The pigs aren’t going anywhere.  They weigh too much.

Handsome Dude, who obviously is not hearing things correctly:  Cake?!  Who gets cake?  I want cake!

Daisy Mae (exasperated):  Not CAKE!  PIGS!  Pigs are in the truck!  There is NO cake!

Handsome Dude is upset because he does not get cake.  And understandably so.

Daisy Mae:  Dad, I think something is about to fall out!

David:  What?

Daisy Mae:  Oh, never mind.  It was just a milk jug.  It rolled across the pigs, but it is good now.

I think the only thing missing from our trip to the dump was a banjo playing in the background.

Don’t fear!  Nothing flew out of the back of the truck and the dump is only about 5-10 minutes from our house.  So, it’s all good.

*sigh*

I promise I used to be normal.