The Lumberjack's Wife

It is all I can do to keep my boys occupied whilst I am trying to homeschool the girls.

And folks, I can assure you-this is no easy task.

Oh, sure.  Little Dude appears harmless there at the end of the table.  But he isnothing but trouble.

I am not sure if you’ve heard or not, but my boys, as precious as they might be, can be kind of naughty.

Yes, I know.  ‘Tis surprising.

Usually, the boys play right by the table and race trucks through the kitchen and slam into each other’s trucks and fight over trains and fight over tractors and fight over books and race and fight and yell and fight and race and yell and fight and race.

I am sure it is the ideal homeschool environment for the girls.

I have this sister-in-law.  Let’s call her Lisa.  She purchased toy guns for my boys this Christmas.

For shame, Lisa.  For shame.

I have since had to put the guns in a permanant time out, on account of all the horrific weeping and moaning and yelling they caused.

But my boys are a creative.  They now use hangers to shoot each other.  And they also set their hangers up on hampers to steady them so they can “shoot the deer” that they see outside of the windows.

This is my life.

But there are times, as few as though they might be, when my boys GO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

This is a win/lose situation, my friends.

Win=I have some uninterrupted time to bestow wisdom on the girls.

Lose=The boys are naughty.  And they are probably doing naughty things.

And now, here is a list of some of things my boys have snuck away and done while I was doing the aforementioned bestowing of the wisdom.

1.  Taught themselves how to brush their own teeth.

Hopefully, next week they will teach themselves how to turn the water off and clean up after themselves. 

2.  There is a door downstairs that leads to the outside.  They are absolutely never, ever allowed to go outside without my permission.

So, you might be as surprised as I was after hearing this conversation I had with Handsome Dude.

Me:  Dude!  Why is the floor wet?

HD (short for Handsome Dude . . . keep up, people!):  I not know!

Me:  Did you go outside?

HD:  No!  Cokey (Little Dude) did!

Me:  Cokey.  Did you go outside?

LD:  Yes!

Me:  Why?

LD: Nah-blah side and um no and um wet and um stick and yay!

HD:  Cokey brought snow inside!  We play in the dark forest.

So, yes.  That conversation was riveting.  And yes, they were bringing piles of snow inside so they could play “dark forest” inside.

3.  Handsome Dude was “vaccuming” his room.  And put a hole in the sheetrock.

 Fun Fact:  Lumberjacks loathe patching sheet rock.

Funner Fact:  I knew not what sheet rock was until I met my dashing Lumberjack.

***

But, my boys aren’t naughty all the time.

I know.  ‘Tis surprising.

Sometimes they are stinkin’ hilarious.

Back in the day, the girls used to play dress up all the time.  My boys have not really shared in their love for dress up.  But they do, upon occasion, play:

“David and Alex.”

Now.  David is their dad.  Alex is David’s brother.

Remember Alex?

Whenever Alex wears a hat, he wears it backwards.  Whenever David wears a hat, he wears it normally.

So, my boys, play Alex and David.  They each put on a hat.  And whoever is David, wears their hat in the normal fashion:

And then, whoever is Alex, wears it backwards.

And they switch throughout the play session on who they are.

And the entire time, they are loading up trucks and trailers and helping each other back them up and park them.

“Back it up, doooood!”

“You’re good, you’re good, you’re good, keep coming, you’re good!”

“I got it!”

My boys are uber creative, are they not?

Happy Wednesday!

Yes.  Hello.  Good Morning.

I have absolutely nothing to say.  And, yet, here I am.  Posting like I got a fantastic post all planned out like it ain’t-no-thang.

I am off-a-da-hook.

1.  Handsome Dude has been informing everyone as of late that they are, “REE-DICK-ER-LOUS.”

2.  Want to know what is Reedickerlous?

This whole ordeal:

I asked you all to guess what Sir Lumberjack did immediately after creating that pile.

And you all tried really, really hard to guess the correct answer.  You guessed that he built a teepee, jumped over it, made a duck blind (huh?), made a playground, left the wood there, built a house, built a dam, bonfire, and used it for a brush pile.

Gosh.  You people are intense.  And now, I am kind of embarrassed to admit the truth.

Um.  *Brace yourselves*  All he did was pee on it.

Why?  Because he can.

And I thought that was stinkin’ hilarious.

But, clearly, I have the mental maturity of a four-year-old.

You know, he spent hours creating this huge pile, and then, when he thought no one could see him, he just peed on it.

But, I saw you, Lumberjack.  I saw what you done.

(source)

Yes.  That was it.  And then it sat there for a good week.  And then he burned it.

The End.

I am sorry I wasted your time.

3.  It’s been awhile since we did a Questions and Answers post.

Let us do that fun activity again, shall we?

Herein lies the plan:  You ask me a question.

And then, I shall try to answer it in an exciting post.

Come on.

Just do it.

You know.  For kicks and grins.

Alright.  That’s all I got.  I am pretty impressed that I feigned a mediocre post for this long. 

Happy Monday and don’t forget to leave a question if you so desire!

A Thursday List.

1)  I was asked if there was a story behind me almost hitting the owl.

Not really.

I had been out shopping with Daisy Mae.  We were driving home.  It was dark.  I glanced to my left and saw a massive, winged creature soaring right towards my window.  The wingspan was impressive.  I think it was an owl, but what do I know?

I screamed really loudly and Daisy Mae was shaking the rest of the way home, certain that I had had a heart attack.

And that, my friends, is the owl story.

2)  I had meant to use this clever phrase in my owl story yesterday, but, alas I forgot.

It happens.

So, I shall share it now.

“Owl be darned.”

Hardy. Har. Har.

I’m sorry, that was lame.

I am without excuse.

3)  Poor Little Dude.  He is the youngest and suffers as a result of it.

Let’s examine this photo, shall we?

A)  He is missing a sock.  This is because I had to butter his foot in order to get it unstuck from a chair.

B)  He is missing his pants.  This is a result of big brother being a bully.

C)  His shirt is too small.  This is because his mother is lazy and slothful.

Let’s dig deeper.

Bloody lip.  This is a result from that darn big brother bully again.

Who is a precious boy, I might add.

Red mark on ankle.  This is a result from the aforementioned butter/stuck leg incident.

I texted my husband to tell him all about the adventure.  Would you like to know his response?

“How much butter did you use?”

Dang, if that man isn’t uber cheap.  And we don’t even use real butter. 

4)  Daisy Mae decided to take a silly picture of us.

The astute reader might notice that Handsome Dude is crossing his eyes.

I fear that is unintentional on his part.

Are you wondering where his glasses are?

You are not alone, my friends.

5)  I spent yet another day trying to organize my house.  Which begs me to ask of you, dear reader,

“How do you organize all the kids JUNK?  Help.  Especially all their excellent ‘crafts?'”

Would you like to hear a sad story?

I have never had a plan with kids coloring pages and artwork.  So, I usually just throw away stuff during naptime.

Horrible, I know.

But there was a time in Daisy Mae’s life where she signed all of her creations with the word,

“HO”

Ha! 

Lest any of you are confused, her name is not “HO.”

And I carelessly threw them all away, always thinking I would eventually save one.

But I didn’t.  And then she figured out that her name is not “HO.”

Woe is me.

So, please.  Someone give me a spectacular suggestion.

I will be waiting with bated breath.

Happy Thursday!

There is a tree outside my window. 

Yes.  I suppose there are many trees out there.  But there is this one tree that stands taller than the rest.  And if I forget to close my blinds at night, it is the only tree I can see when I am lying in bed.

One night, the moon seemed exceptionally bright and was reflecting off of the fresh snow, causing the sky to seem lighter.  I stared at this tree.  The wind was moving the clouds swiftly past the tree, and the tree stood strong-never moving, never changing.

On this night, I was asking God a lot of questions.  Hard questions.  I regret to say I might have even been mad at God.  You see, I had expected God to do something.  And he didn’t.  And I am still trying to understand why.

I kept talking to Him as I stared at this tree.  I was mad.  I was confused.  I was devastated.  But, mostly, I was scared. 

I have learned, once again, that this life is not easy.  There will be pain.  There will be sorrow.  There will be suffering.

 I had really thought things were going to be okay.  But they weren’t.

I was scared because I felt like God had left.  I was scared because I worried that God didn’t care.  I was scared because I didn’t know what to do.

But God was good to me.

He gave me this verse:
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” 

John 16:33 

There are a lot of sad things in this world.  Things I will not like or understand. 

But, Jesus has overcome the world.  And in Him I will put my trust.

I have not been strong in my faith. 

I have been shaken.

But I will pray for strength.  I will pray for peace.

I will pray that I will be like a tree that stands firm against any storm.

Hello.  I am back.  But kinda, not really.

Today I am guest posting over at Because Nice Matters.

Guest posting makes my tummy nervous and my palms sweaty.  Please go and visit me over there so I don’t feel like such a silly goose.

Thank you!

PS-Be sure to check out Noelle’s blog while you are there.

Happy Monday!