The Lumberjack's Wife

A Thursday List.

1)  I was asked if there was a story behind me almost hitting the owl.

Not really.

I had been out shopping with Daisy Mae.  We were driving home.  It was dark.  I glanced to my left and saw a massive, winged creature soaring right towards my window.  The wingspan was impressive.  I think it was an owl, but what do I know?

I screamed really loudly and Daisy Mae was shaking the rest of the way home, certain that I had had a heart attack.

And that, my friends, is the owl story.

2)  I had meant to use this clever phrase in my owl story yesterday, but, alas I forgot.

It happens.

So, I shall share it now.

“Owl be darned.”

Hardy. Har. Har.

I’m sorry, that was lame.

I am without excuse.

3)  Poor Little Dude.  He is the youngest and suffers as a result of it.

Let’s examine this photo, shall we?

A)  He is missing a sock.  This is because I had to butter his foot in order to get it unstuck from a chair.

B)  He is missing his pants.  This is a result of big brother being a bully.

C)  His shirt is too small.  This is because his mother is lazy and slothful.

Let’s dig deeper.

Bloody lip.  This is a result from that darn big brother bully again.

Who is a precious boy, I might add.

Red mark on ankle.  This is a result from the aforementioned butter/stuck leg incident.

I texted my husband to tell him all about the adventure.  Would you like to know his response?

“How much butter did you use?”

Dang, if that man isn’t uber cheap.  And we don’t even use real butter. 

4)  Daisy Mae decided to take a silly picture of us.

The astute reader might notice that Handsome Dude is crossing his eyes.

I fear that is unintentional on his part.

Are you wondering where his glasses are?

You are not alone, my friends.

5)  I spent yet another day trying to organize my house.  Which begs me to ask of you, dear reader,

“How do you organize all the kids JUNK?  Help.  Especially all their excellent ‘crafts?'”

Would you like to hear a sad story?

I have never had a plan with kids coloring pages and artwork.  So, I usually just throw away stuff during naptime.

Horrible, I know.

But there was a time in Daisy Mae’s life where she signed all of her creations with the word,

“HO”

Ha! 

Lest any of you are confused, her name is not “HO.”

And I carelessly threw them all away, always thinking I would eventually save one.

But I didn’t.  And then she figured out that her name is not “HO.”

Woe is me.

So, please.  Someone give me a spectacular suggestion.

I will be waiting with bated breath.

Happy Thursday!

There is a tree outside my window. 

Yes.  I suppose there are many trees out there.  But there is this one tree that stands taller than the rest.  And if I forget to close my blinds at night, it is the only tree I can see when I am lying in bed.

One night, the moon seemed exceptionally bright and was reflecting off of the fresh snow, causing the sky to seem lighter.  I stared at this tree.  The wind was moving the clouds swiftly past the tree, and the tree stood strong-never moving, never changing.

On this night, I was asking God a lot of questions.  Hard questions.  I regret to say I might have even been mad at God.  You see, I had expected God to do something.  And he didn’t.  And I am still trying to understand why.

I kept talking to Him as I stared at this tree.  I was mad.  I was confused.  I was devastated.  But, mostly, I was scared. 

I have learned, once again, that this life is not easy.  There will be pain.  There will be sorrow.  There will be suffering.

 I had really thought things were going to be okay.  But they weren’t.

I was scared because I felt like God had left.  I was scared because I worried that God didn’t care.  I was scared because I didn’t know what to do.

But God was good to me.

He gave me this verse:
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” 

John 16:33 

There are a lot of sad things in this world.  Things I will not like or understand. 

But, Jesus has overcome the world.  And in Him I will put my trust.

I have not been strong in my faith. 

I have been shaken.

But I will pray for strength.  I will pray for peace.

I will pray that I will be like a tree that stands firm against any storm.

Hello.  I am back.  But kinda, not really.

Today I am guest posting over at Because Nice Matters.

Guest posting makes my tummy nervous and my palms sweaty.  Please go and visit me over there so I don’t feel like such a silly goose.

Thank you!

PS-Be sure to check out Noelle’s blog while you are there.

Happy Monday!

Hello everyone!  It appears as if I am too dumb to blog from my smart phone, so I have asked Bimlissa to hack into my blog so we can announce the winner of the Crafty Pirate gift card!

Everyone please shout, “Hi Bimlissa!” at your computer-ish devises.  Thank you.

We had 112 entries and I used Random Number Generator to determine that Elaine is the winner!  Congrats Elaine, I will e-mail you shortly.  In the meantime if anyone would like to place an order with the Crafty Pirate, click here, and use the code “lumberjacks” to get 15% off through February 19th.  Thank you to everyone who entered!

***

I am not sure when I shall have Internet again.  So, until then, I shall bid you adieu!

Happy Wednesday!

Oh, darn. Something has gone amiss with our laptop so I must post from my phone.
Fail.

Therefore this will be super short!
Win!

I am having trouble with the putting text in “bold” feature.  Can you tell?
Fail.

I didn’t lose any weight this week
Fail

But my husband brought me home flowers yesterday and helped me clean the broken toilet /sewage disaster.
Win!

This has taken long enough.  Darn phone.  Darn phone with confusing bold feature. I must now say farewell.

Hope you all had a good week!

PS. I might be quiet for awhile until our laptop is fixed.

Pps- don’t forget to enter the giveaway!  Today is the last day.

Shoot.  Darn phone won‘t let me add the link.  Find my post called the crafty pirate.

WWW.thelumberjackswife.com/2011/02/09/the-crafty-pirate/

This post is really way bad, isn’t it?

Darn phone.  OK. Bye.

(Name that music artist)

Alright.  It is about 2pm in the afternoon.  I am sweaty.  I need coffee.  There is pee/poop water all over my bathroom and my entry.  I need coffee.  Mud is on every person’s boots.  Playdough is in my carpet.  I need coffee.  I stepped in deer poo and Lucy poo.  I want to take a bath.  I need coffee.  And my deck has been peed off of.

So.  We have to make this update quick.  As you can see, I’ve had A DAY.

1.  The girls wrote Valentine’s letters to some friends and we had to hurry and get them all finished up because our mail comes around 9:30am.

2.  I took Diana’s advice and downloaded an Adventures in Odyssey radio program about St. Valentine. I let the kids listen to it while they colored.  It was a hit!  Thanks, Diana!

3. As they were coloring, I made pizza dough.  Not just any pizza dough.  Weight Watchers pizza dough.  Dang!  I am fantastic.

4.  As the dough was rising, or whatever it is that yeast products do, we made playdough.

Yes.  My kids are cute.  I am aware.

Do not be deceived.  Blue is completely festive and appropriate for Valentine’s Day.

*sigh*

Handsome Dude.

Handsome Dude was the cause of most of my angst today.  I am currently giving him the silent treatment.  And he is napping.  Which is the best thing that has happened to me all day!

I know.  I am mean.  But don’t judge me yet!  Just finish this post and you shall see, you shall see.

Daisy Mae and her Christmas cookies made from blue Valentine’s Day playdough.

Me thinks my kids are confused on their holidays, no?

Little Dude. 

He is pretty cute, in my humble opinion.

Please pardon this unneccessary interruption while I speak specifically to Sister Meagan:

Meagan.  I am top dawg.  Don’t be jealous of me.

Thank you.

5.  Then we made individual heart shaped pizzas.  May I remind you that I am fantastic?

6.  But, alas.  As I was creating these delightful culinary treats, Daisy Mae, aka The Informer, casually mentioned that Handsome Dude was peeing off of the back deck.

And, yes.  Yes, he was.  And he was missing and actually peeing all over the deck.

I would like to take this time to announce that we have lived here since June and this is the first time our deck has been peed off of.  That I know of.

I think that’s pretty good.

7.  So.  I freaked out a bit and made Handsome Dude wash his hands.  He was uber confused, seeing as how he”didn’t go to the BAF-ROOM!”  I had to assure him that his hands still needed to be washed.  And then we ate pizza.

8.  It is like 50 degrees outside today!  So we went outside.  My goal was to walk around a bit and get some exercise while the kids played.  But then the kids wandered too far, which scared me a bit.  So I went running through the rolling hills.

This, my friends, is where the deer poo and Lucy poo on the shoes comes into play.

And then, I discovered the kids were actually playing in the driveway.  Which was where they were supposed to be playing after all.

9.  But they all got super muddy.  And all their clothes will make up my fourth load of laundry for the day.

10.  So.  Then we had to go inside for naps.

Let us have a moment of silence for all the gloriousness that is naptime.

*thank you*

11.  Handsome Dude had to go BAFROOM again.  And he used all the toilet paper in the house and now my bathroom looks like this:

Things to Notice:

1.  The toilet paper roll is empty.  I assure you that all of the toilet paper that was on that roll, is now clogging the toilet.

2.  Look at all those towels.  Hello, 5th load of laundry for the day.

3.  The toilet water is flush with the top of the toilet bowl.  This leaves little room for error.

4.  Please notice the plunger.  We just bought that last week.  And have used it three times in one week. 

But, boy howdy!

  How on earth did we last from June until now without a plunger?

That’s pretty dang-darn good, if you ask me!

5.  Another thing to point out that isn’t really here nor there.  Lately, Handsome Dude has had a few “odd” BAFROOM accidents.  He goes, but when he comes out, his pants are wet in the front and the floor is wet by the door.

Hmmmm . . . .

I done figured it out.  He doesn’t know exactly what to do when he has to pee while he is pushing out the poo.

Again.  How has he made it this far in life without figuring that out?  I am trying to gently inform him of what he needs to do with his *ahem* parts so he can have a successful combined bowel/urination elimination.

I fear he is beyond instruction.

6.  And while I am on the topic of Handsome Dude and the BAFROOM, I have one more story for you (lucky you).

We were visiting my parents house and Handsome Dude was struggling with his elimation.  Sister Meagan walked by and asked him if he needed he help.

Handsome Dude, in the spirit of Handsome Dude, yelled, “NO! GO WAY!” and shut the door on her.

So, she went on with her life.

Then she walked by again and heard him yell, “OW!!!”

So, Sister Meagan, opened the door and as soon as he saw her, he said, “I not say OW!  Bye, Meagan!”

What a weird kid.

Let us again be so happy that he is sleeping.

I am slightly off-topic, aren’t I?  Let’s focus back on today’s events shall we?

7.  So.  I got the boys to bed.  My bathroom still looks like this:

My jeans are rolled up to my knees.  On account of the sewage water that spilled out everywhere.  I am sweaty from running around outside.  My house is a mess with playdough everywhere.  And crayons.  And sewage water.

8.  And, if you look outside, you can see LucyFur:

who has gotten into the room formerly known as the school room, pulled out a pink pillow, and is chewing on it.

Which is odd, since my kids aren’t allowed to play in the room formerly known as the school room.

And my kids always listen.

***

So.  That’s been Valentine’s Day.  I am thinking about throwing in the towel and just taking my cup of coffee to the bath.

And I just might.

Happy Monday!

PS-Sorry about the excessive use of the words pee and poo today.  It won’t happen again.

PPS-Ok.  It might happen again.  Sorry.