The Lumberjack's Wife

GoshDarnIt.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  And I am the teacher/fun mom/party-planning committee/loving wife.  Have I ever mentioned that I am not really good at . . . anything?

GoshDarnIt.

I should have planned something for Valentine’s Day.  For my kids or my husband.  Either one.  It would have been helpful.

 Well.  I was going to make some brownies.  But I got so excited, because I double love brownies, and I made them tonight.

So.  Now I’ve got nothing.

Let us pause for a moment of extreme sadness:  Sir Lumberjack and I shall not be going out tomorrow.

I know.  I am sure I am the only gal in the entire world who is not going out tomorrow  Poor me.  I think I will probably make something mediocre for dinner and then we will try to do something like family game night.  And family game night means the girls will have fun and the boys will weep and wail because they don’t know how to properly play games.

It will good-times-happiness.

But anyways.  For school tomorrow-what should I do?  Anyone?  Hello? 

I got nothing.

In case you couldn’t tell.

***

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I shall create a list.  Oh, yes.  A list.  And that list shall be favorite things about my Valentine.

His name?

David Charles Maliblahblah.

1.  He always looks uber happy to be in pictures.

2.  He makes “wabbles” (waffles.  keep up, people!) for the offspring every Saturday morn.

3.  He “helps” with laundry.  True.  He has ruined many of my sweaters and delicates.   Nevertheless!  He “helps” with the laundry.

4.  He has always thought I was “hot.”  No matter what.

Now, if that isn’t love, then I ask you, what is?

5.  He really likes huckleberry picking.

Alas.  I do not share this love with him.

But, I am happy for him.  For he and the huckleberry are in harmony.

Here he is picking berries whilst singing a song he made up all by himself:

“More berries, more berries, more berries, more-more berries.”

He’s got skillz.

6.  He has an extremely good work ethic and can work, without complaining or getting crabby, for hours on end. 

7.  He has muscles.  And he invites me to the gun show from time to time.

I’m gonna need a 10-4 Good Buddy from anyone who knows what the gun show is.  Over and out.

8.  He has no idea when my birthday is.  This used to bug me.  I am trying to find it endearing. 

9.  He does a bunch of really, really, really weird things.  Like record a 9 hour live cattle auction on the DVR.  And watch Antique Roadshow.  And bakes better cookies than me.  And can build an entire house like it ain’t no thang.  And sing in falsetto.  And daydream about being a logger.  Or a deep-sea fisherman.  He likes Kenny Rogers song, “The Gambler.”  I do not.  He cheats at every game he plays.  And burps in my face and it always smells like Pepsi and peanut M&Ms (romantic, I know).  He backs up trailers better than anyone else in the whole, entire world.  He taught me how to tell the difference between a wheat field and a grass field.  He taught me that hay is just grass.  And that a female elk is called a cow but a boy cow is called a bull.  And a boy elk is also called a bull.  And if he goes hunting, I am never supposed to ask, “Did you CATCH anything?”, but instead, I shall say, “Did you KILL anything?” And he always wears a white undershirt and has a huge wad of lint in his belly button everyday.

10.  Whenever I text him him to tell him I love him, he simply texts back “more.”  Usually when I text him, all he texts back is “K.”  Not “OK.”  But “K”.  So, “more” is fantastic!

Fun Fact:  Sometimes he has a typo and will text me “J.”

Funner Fact:  Lumberjacks hate texting.

Most Funnest Fact of all:  Lumberjills get a kick out of texting Lumberjacks who are attempting to be manly. 

So.  Tell me something you like about your Valentine.  Or what you are doing for Valentine’s Day.  Or what I should do for Valentine’s Day.

I welcome any and all of your thoughts.

Faretheewell!

Hello.  I have just consumed two cups of coffee and spent two hours visiting with a real human!

Just thought you might like to know.

And now, a Friday List:

1)  It is cold in my house.  My husband, dapper as he may be, insists we keep the heat set at 62 degrees.  Let us have a vote, shall we?

All in favor of me getting the heat turned up to at least 67, please say so immediately.  All in favor of me turning into a Taylor-sicle and keeping things 62, hush up.

2)  We got a new rabbit today.  That would be 11.  The aforementioned human, whom we shall call Shabree, came to visit and also brought a sweet little bunny named Ninja.  Ninja is like a precious, innocent, simple, ball of poof.  I am not sure he is meant for Ruralville’s rough-and-tough living.  We shall see, we shall see.

She even brushes his hair and clips his nails.

I don’t even really clip my kids’ nails.  And there are only four of them.  We have eleven bunnies.

Yikes.

But I am sure Ninja will be fine!  No need to worry, Shabree!

Yikes.

Godspeed, Ninja.

Godspeed.

3)  We did a craft thing for school last week.  I like to show you such things so I can impress the socks off of you all and make it appear as if I know what I am doing.  Which I don’t.

We studied The Phoenicians in history and learned about how they made purple dye.  So, we made our own with blueberries and colored pasta for necklaces.

Aren’t I pheMOMenal?

Oh, darn.  That was uber dumb.  But you cannot deny that it was clever, eh?  Get it?  Like phenomenal but with “mom” in it?  Huh?  Eh?  Yes?

The necklaces turned out to be disastrous, however.  They just encouraged LucyFur, our darling puppy, to attack the children and rip the necklaces off of their precious necks and eat the pasta.

Homeschool win.

Child-safey fail.

4)  My boys like to pretend they are “Grandpa” in the bath.

I think they do a pretty good job.

Lest you are feeling confused, “Grandpa” is on the left.

I am too lazy to crop.

5)  It is time for the COW.

COW=Comment of the Week.

Keep up, people!

This week’s winner is Sister Meagan.  She is, in fact, my sister.  And her name is Meagan.  Go figure.

She is commenting on this photo:

We were wearing shiny tarps. I am not even joking. They were held together by a clothes pin in the back. I feel like I probably wasn’t even allowed to wear a bra during the ordeal. I think underwear and pants were allowed.

Someone should have told whoever did this to us that under no circumstance were we ever going to rival the Judds, and perhaps this sort of gaudy get-up situation was not at all necessary. It was terrible. We looked terrible. We knew we looked terrible. Look at the looks on our faces! We knew this was bad news.

Ugh. Disgusting.

As you can tell, my sister is still bearing some wounds from this ordeal from circa 1994.  And, I am pretty sure that photo is still proudly displayed somewhere in my parent’s house.  Yes.  I believe it is near the television. 

6)  My husband cleared brush the other night and made this ginormous pile:

Yes.  There most certainly are smudges on the camera lens when I took this photo.  I don’t have time to clean my camera.  I can’t even keep up with the laundry.

But that is not why I am posting this picture, silly readers!

100 (meaningless) points to whomever can guess what my husband did to this pile immediately after building it.

7)  I am still cold.  I can’t feel my toes.  Woe is me.  What temp is it in your house?  Do many people live in a 62 degree habitat?  Maybe my hair needs to grow in thicker or something.

8)  If you want to enter a super cool giveaway hosted by yours truly, click here. 

9)  Even though my kids drive me absolutely nuts, I kind of like them.

10)  In fact, I am about to join them for what I am sure will be a riveting movie and I am most certainly going to pop one, maybe two bags of popcorn. 

11)  No one can deny that popcorn is delicious!

Happy Weekend!

Today, I am going to be linking up with Kelly’s Korner for Show Us Your Life.

The Topic is:  Hair and Beauty Tips.

Am I qualified to give these aforementioned hair and beauty tips?

Nay.  I am not.

Nevertheless, here we are!

***

Ok.  Here’s the deal.  I have awful hair.  A-W-F-U-L.  It has this wave in it. 

 It is not an endearing, cute wave.

You know the kind.

The kind of wave that you can scrunch up with a little gel and have an easy hair styling day.

No.  I have a disgusting wave that is uneven and shows up when I least expect it to.

Such is my life.

You may say, “Taylor!  Just make sure to blow dry it straight!”

Ha!

If only life were so simple. 

Here’s my daily life:

Get out of shower.

Comb hair out.

Discover that my boys have either:

A)  Hidden upstairs with a stolen pan of brownies, shoving both fists in to quickly eat as much of that chocolate-y goodness before mother finds them.

B)  Decided they needed to pour themselves a cup of chocolate milk.  Resulting in a floor covered in chocolate milk.

C)  Ran outside and let sister’s bunny rabbit out of the cage.

Fun Fact:  All of those things have happened whilst I was in the shower!  Are you impressed with my parenting skills? 

So.  My hair usually air dries a bit and gets this gross wave.

Boo.

But don’t lose heart!

I have a trick.

Take dry hair.

(This is important.  Don’t curl damp hair.  I know.  I’ve tried it)

Take the curling iron and start the curl closer to your scalp than you might usually do.

Then kind of keep curling in a ringlet style.  The goal is to have the curls go higher up so that your yucky wave is hidden.

Does this make sense?  Yes?  No?

Well,  it ends up kind of looking like this:

Ha!  Look at Sister Meagan!  She’s looking a tad exasperated, isn’t she?

She’s probably wishing her big sister would have given her these awesome beauty tips.

Right, Sister Meagan? Right?

Ok.  Probably not.

Moving on.

***

One of my favorite products is called Biosilk.

It does a great job of smoothing out dry, frizzy hair and making it shiny. 

It is kind of pricey, but you only need a little bit at a time.

***

And . . . that’s about all I got.

Are you inspired?

Are you informed?

Are you wondering what on earth I am talking about?

Alright.  I have one more beauty tip for all you mama’s out there.

Never, ever, under any circumstances, force your two daughters to pose for glamour shots:

As long as you adhere to that simple rule, everything else shall fall into place.

Happy Friday!

PS-Don’t forget to enter the giveaway for the $25 gift card to Lauren’s Etsy Shop!

Back in October, I asked for you to all be praying for our family.

An unborn child in our family has been given an “Incompatible with Life” diagnosis. 

My children know about this baby.  We pray for her every night,  I am not sure, however, of how much of this they understand.  My girls have been asking many questions, but the one that I hear the most is:

“Why can’t God heal her?”

This is a hard question to answer.  Because I find myself asking it myself.  I know he CAN, but I am not sure if he WILL.

Oh, how I pray that he would.

I try to explain  the best I can.  But I find it hard to explain something that even I don’t really understand.

My heart is broken for that sweet baby. 

Earlier this week, I was helping my daughter with her Bible verse memorization for Awana.  I remember this verse particularly well because it has the word “sufficient” in it.

Sweet Pea:  My grace is “suff-i-CANT”

Me:  The word is “sufficient.” 

Sweet Pea:  No.  It’s right here.  It says “suff-i-CANT.”

Me:  I know.  I see it.  The right way to say it is “sufficient.”

Sweet Pea:  I don’t believe you, Mom.

Can anyone guess what my challenge is with homeschooling this darling child of mine?

Anyways.

I helped her work on this verse all afternoon, and therefore, it will always be burned in my memory.

“But He (the Lord) said to me,

‘My grace is sufficient for you,

For My power is made perfect in weakness.’

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

So that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

My weaknesses? 

Doubt . . . Fear . . . Worry . . .

I am learning that I don’t have to understand.  I don’t have to not have questions.

 I don’t have to know all the answers.

Which is good.  Because I don’t.

I need to trust God.  Because His Grace is sufficient for me.  And His power will be made perfect in my weakness.

So, I will pray.  I will pray that God would heal this baby.  But if he chooses not to heal her, I pray that His power and His love and His grace will be shown to all of us.

Hold on to your pants, folks.

We have a giveaway today!

I know, I know.

Such excitement!

Darling reader, Lauren, has opened up an etsy shop and asked if I would mind hosting a giveaway for her.  I have to admit, I had to give this some serious thought. 

You see, I, too, have contemplated opening up one of these so-called etsy shop thingies with all my craftiness.

Case in Point:

My homemade nativity scene.

I kid!  I jest!

I know not how to sew on buttons or knit or crochet or garden or quilt or cross-stitch or properly use a hot glue gun or use a drill or jump a car or even squat and pee while out in the middle of the woods and no suitable bathrooms can be found.

I am such a disappointment on so many levels.

Confessions of a Lumberjack’s Wife:  I outsource the sewing of my kids’ Awana’s patches to my ma-in-law and sis-in-law.

I am so ashamed.

So, the etsy shop is not in my future.

But Lauren!  Lauren is crafty!  Her grandmother taught her to crochet when she was 9. She made a horribly uneven, bright pink baby blanket she had no use for and promptly gave up crocheting. She made a New Year’s Resolution to hand-make all of her gifts last year and fell in love again with crocheting. 

Hence, the etsy shop.

Her shop is called The Crafty Pirate.  She has a lot of cute stuff over there, and here are some photos from her site:

The Crafty Pirate will be giving away a gift card for $25 toward her shop to one lucky winner!

See?  Exciting!

I told you all to hold on to your pants!

Next time, heed my warnings.

The giveaway will end Wednesday, February 16, 2011 at 11am CST when I will randomly select a winner.

There are 3 different ways to enter the giveaway, but make sure you leave a separate comment for each one you do!

Note:  You don’t have to do all three options to enter.  But the more comments you leave, the better your chances are!

Another Note:  But you can’t leave more than three comments.  That would cheater-ish.  Not that I am calling you a cheater.

A Final Note:  But you must do what she asks if you leave all three comments.

Are you confused?

Are you?

It’s ok.  It happens.

Comment Option Number One:

Go to The Crafty Pirate etsy site  and then leave me a comment about your favorite item for sale.

You leave the comment here. On this blog.  The Lumberjack’s Wife.  On this post.  Not a different one. 

Are you confused?  Are you?

  Mom?  Dad?  How are you doing with all this?

Comment Option Number Two:
Follow The Crafty Pirate on The Facebook

Click here to be taken to her Facebook page and then click like.

See?  Simple! 

But wait!  Then you have to come back here.  To this blog.  The Lumberjack’s Wife.  And leave me a comment-on this post-and tell me you did that.

I lost you, Mom, didn’t I?

Comment Option #3

Post about this giveaway on your very own blog. Be sure to leave the link to your blog post about the giveaway in your comment.

Do you not have a blog?  Bummer.  Perhaps you should start one.

I hear its all the rage.

***

Phew.  Is anyone still here?  I know.  I am so demanding today.

In the meantime, if you decide you can’t live without something The Crafty Pirate makes, be sure to use the code Lumberjacks to get 15% off your purchase!

So.  To recap:

Contest.

Cute stuff.

Etsy shop.

Comment.

Maybe win!

Happy Day!

PS-I will have to delete any extra comments.  I know.  I am so mean.  But it is only fair!  Also, please do not “reply” do anyone else’s comment today.

Thanks bunches!

Yes, hello.  Good morning.

I want to thank you all for the horrific bunny stories you left me this weekend.  Good times.

I think I need to clear something up with you all:  This was not my idea.

It was someone else’s.

Darn him.  Darn him and his swooning ways.  And his crazy rabbit-breeding ideas.  And his darn dream house being in Ruralville.  And his two stuffed bucks mounted on my peach walls.

Darn.

Anyways.  What you must understand, and this may come as a complete shocker to you all, is this:  me and my husband are nothing alike.

It’s true!

Shall I show you some examples to further make my point?

His idea of target:

My idea of Target:

His idea of a fun Saturday:

My idea of a fun Saturday

Also:

1.  Whilst growing up, he was in 4-H.  In his lifetime, he has had pigs, cows, chickens, and a horse.  And perhaps a lamb, but I cannot be certain.  And, I am feeling too lazy to do any fact-checking.

2.  Whilst growing up, I had an obese cocker spaniel named Joey who I pretended was going to be my secret husband.  Which is completely healthy.

Here is a picture of me and my dog, in the earlier days . . . before either of us got chubby.

Don’t be jealous of my hair.  I will let you copy me.

That’s my ma in the background in her jammies!  Hi, Ma!

3.  He earned a pig trophy when he was young.

4.  I, most certainly, did not.

5.  I was on the drill team.

6.  He, most certainly, was not.

6.  One of his favorite books:  “How To Be Your Own Veterinarian.”

7.  My favorite books:  Anything from the highly acclaimed “Babysitters Club” series.

8.  My chore list would include things such as, vaccuum, dust, and mop.

9.  His chore list?  Re-roof the chicken coop, mow the orchard, clean out the pig pen and paint the fence.

10.  I pronounce the word, “creek” the right way by actually saying, “creek.”  He says “crick.”  And he is certain that he is correct.  But never in my life have I seen two “e’s” make the short “i” sound.  I don’t say, “my fit hurt.” No.  I say, “my feet hurt.”

It’s a good thing I am the teacher over here.

My point in all of this?  I don’t remember.

I think I am showing you all how different my husband and I are.

But, who knows?

*Random Topic Quick Change!*

I got a new table!  With six chairs!  And four matching bar stools!

We got said table the day after our dinner company came.  This is my life.

Perhaps some day I will show you a picture.

But not today.

I need to get in the shower.

*Random Topic Quick Change!*

I didn’t just pretend clean my house this weekend, dear readers.

Oh, no.

I actually cleaned it.  Like good.  And it was clean for at least an hour.  Which was impressive and, quite possibly, a new record.

*Random Topic Quick Change!*

Is today some sort of holiday?  Like President’s Day or Teacher Inservice day or I Am Not In The Mood To Homeschool Day?

Don’t get your panties in a bunch.  I shall do it.  But I don’t have to like it.

*Random Topic Quick Change!*

I have tried on numerous occasions to understand the game of football.  It is beyond me.  What is up with the downs and the yards and the penalties and such?

I did enjoy some delicious snacks yesterday.  So that was fun.

David was making fun of me, which he likes to do upon occasion and he asked me on the way to church yesterday if I even knew who was in the Superbowl.

Me:  Nope.

David:   Dork.

Me:  Wait!  I thought it was weird this week because  on Facebook, Bimlissa’s baby was dressed up wearing some huge, yellow hat that looked like cheese.  That was strange.  So, maybe that had to do with the Superbowl.  And cheese is from Wisonsin, so . . . my guess is some team from Wisconsin is playing.  Oh!  And my dad was born in Wisconsin, and he like some team called Green Bay, so I guess Green Bay is in the Superbowl.

David:  Yup.

See, folks!?  I am not brainless!

That was deductive reasoning at its finest.

Special shout out to the magic of Facebook and Bimlissa with her cheese-wearing baby.

***

It is 7:11am and my kids are all asleep.

I just thought you might like to know.

This is Taylor Maliblahblah signing off to go get in the shower and get myself all purty for a day of homeschooling, laundry, child-rearing, and rabbit monitoring.

Happy Monday!

A Friday List.

1.  Did I mention that my children are raising rabbits?  Yes?  No?  Yes?

2.  Well, they aren’t exactly raising rabbits yet.  But that is the grand master plan.  We have ten rabbits and the girls are trying to earn money for a horse. 

Please excuse this interruption while I speak to one specific reader: 

Dear Mindee,

Yes.  I have received your ample and thorough warnings against getting a horse. 

However.

 I regret to inform you that this is my husband’s idea and he is a terrible force to be reckoned with.

Thank you for your concern,

Taylor

3.  The kids are loving the bunnies.  I think this whole experience will at least be a good lesson for them.  Every day, no matter how cold it is, they have to go out and care for the rabbits.  They even get to play with them a bit.

You can’t really tell from this picture, but that bunny is ecstatic.

Little Dude with the smallest bunny.

Is not Little Dude the cutest little dude in the whole world?

You can’t really tell from this picture, but that bunny is terrified.

Sweet Pea has actually had a rabbit since September and has taken excellent care of her.  Her name is Elizabeth Bunny and she is not pictured.  She is too busy being uber jealous of the new rabbits and giving Sweet Pea the cold shoulder.

So cute!

On a side note, let’s say a prayer for all bunnies to be held by Little Dude.

4.  On Wednesday, it was discovered that a gray bunny had gone missing.  This was odd because it shared a cage with two other rabbits and they were still there, plus all the doors to the hutches were latched.  Nevertheless, the bunny was gone.  Sweet Pea was a wreck and could not stop crying.

It was a bad hare day.

ha!  Now, you must admit it  . . . that was clever.  I also thought of:  Hare today, gone tomorrow.  And a hare-raising experience.

My creativity knows no bounds.

5.  Sweet Pea found the bunny yesterday!  It was a joyous reunion and we are hoping that no bunnies go missing again.

6.  Let us stop discussing rabbits, shall we?

7.  Some of you might recall that earlier last year, I was diagnosed with high cholesterol.  I am sure you have been on pins and needles simply worrying about me.

I bring you news of good tidings!  I have successfully lowered my cholesterol 90 points without a prescription!  I used red yeast rice and niacin supplements, gave up beef, limited lots of other meats, and ate low fat dairy.

Yay, me!

I would like to take this moment to thank my husband for killing both an elk and a deer and stocking our freezer with this foreign meat. 

This new culinary journey has greatly assisted me in my attempts to avoid meat products.

Mmmmm . . . elk.  And deer.

Nasty.

Fun Fact:  I was feeling lazy, so I sent Sweet Pea out to take this photo.  There is actually more meat than this.

8.  It’s time for the COW!

The COW stands for the Comment of the Week.

This week’s goes to Shannon from Blessed with These.

Taylor- I will personally purchase your first jean jumper, if you promise to wear it! Then I can bring my kids to your farm and you can be the nice, albeit weird farm lady. Side note: We once had breeding rabbits- not good, so not good. They are born without fur and very small, ours fell through the cracks in our cage and the dog got them. Yuck! We are not reliable pet owners. No, we are not.

Shannon!  No, you are not!  I asked my husband if that would happen to us and he laughed at you!  ha!  It’s pretty sad that my crazy, not-so-safe husband found that funny!

And I guess we have some sort of something that will prevent that from happening, according to Sir Lumberjack himself.

And I’ll wear a denim jumper when you wear one.

9.  Finally, my friend Angela made a button for me! i love it and I think she did a fantastic job! If you would like to use it, you may.  But no worries if you’d rather not.  I will still like you.

Go say hi to Angela, if you have time!  She’s the bees knees.

Side note:  I put the wronk link it at first.  My apologies if you were taken to a very naughty site instead of dear Angela’s!  Oopsies!

Alright!  Happy Weekend!

What are your plans?

We are having company for dinner so I am busy making my house look “pretend-clean.”

Holla!