The Lumberjack's Wife

Hello everyone!  It appears as if I am too dumb to blog from my smart phone, so I have asked Bimlissa to hack into my blog so we can announce the winner of the Crafty Pirate gift card!

Everyone please shout, “Hi Bimlissa!” at your computer-ish devises.  Thank you.

We had 112 entries and I used Random Number Generator to determine that Elaine is the winner!  Congrats Elaine, I will e-mail you shortly.  In the meantime if anyone would like to place an order with the Crafty Pirate, click here, and use the code “lumberjacks” to get 15% off through February 19th.  Thank you to everyone who entered!

***

I am not sure when I shall have Internet again.  So, until then, I shall bid you adieu!

Happy Wednesday!

Oh, darn. Something has gone amiss with our laptop so I must post from my phone.
Fail.

Therefore this will be super short!
Win!

I am having trouble with the putting text in “bold” feature.  Can you tell?
Fail.

I didn’t lose any weight this week
Fail

But my husband brought me home flowers yesterday and helped me clean the broken toilet /sewage disaster.
Win!

This has taken long enough.  Darn phone.  Darn phone with confusing bold feature. I must now say farewell.

Hope you all had a good week!

PS. I might be quiet for awhile until our laptop is fixed.

Pps- don’t forget to enter the giveaway!  Today is the last day.

Shoot.  Darn phone won‘t let me add the link.  Find my post called the crafty pirate.

WWW.thelumberjackswife.com/2011/02/09/the-crafty-pirate/

This post is really way bad, isn’t it?

Darn phone.  OK. Bye.

(Name that music artist)

Alright.  It is about 2pm in the afternoon.  I am sweaty.  I need coffee.  There is pee/poop water all over my bathroom and my entry.  I need coffee.  Mud is on every person’s boots.  Playdough is in my carpet.  I need coffee.  I stepped in deer poo and Lucy poo.  I want to take a bath.  I need coffee.  And my deck has been peed off of.

So.  We have to make this update quick.  As you can see, I’ve had A DAY.

1.  The girls wrote Valentine’s letters to some friends and we had to hurry and get them all finished up because our mail comes around 9:30am.

2.  I took Diana’s advice and downloaded an Adventures in Odyssey radio program about St. Valentine. I let the kids listen to it while they colored.  It was a hit!  Thanks, Diana!

3. As they were coloring, I made pizza dough.  Not just any pizza dough.  Weight Watchers pizza dough.  Dang!  I am fantastic.

4.  As the dough was rising, or whatever it is that yeast products do, we made playdough.

Yes.  My kids are cute.  I am aware.

Do not be deceived.  Blue is completely festive and appropriate for Valentine’s Day.

*sigh*

Handsome Dude.

Handsome Dude was the cause of most of my angst today.  I am currently giving him the silent treatment.  And he is napping.  Which is the best thing that has happened to me all day!

I know.  I am mean.  But don’t judge me yet!  Just finish this post and you shall see, you shall see.

Daisy Mae and her Christmas cookies made from blue Valentine’s Day playdough.

Me thinks my kids are confused on their holidays, no?

Little Dude. 

He is pretty cute, in my humble opinion.

Please pardon this unneccessary interruption while I speak specifically to Sister Meagan:

Meagan.  I am top dawg.  Don’t be jealous of me.

Thank you.

5.  Then we made individual heart shaped pizzas.  May I remind you that I am fantastic?

6.  But, alas.  As I was creating these delightful culinary treats, Daisy Mae, aka The Informer, casually mentioned that Handsome Dude was peeing off of the back deck.

And, yes.  Yes, he was.  And he was missing and actually peeing all over the deck.

I would like to take this time to announce that we have lived here since June and this is the first time our deck has been peed off of.  That I know of.

I think that’s pretty good.

7.  So.  I freaked out a bit and made Handsome Dude wash his hands.  He was uber confused, seeing as how he”didn’t go to the BAF-ROOM!”  I had to assure him that his hands still needed to be washed.  And then we ate pizza.

8.  It is like 50 degrees outside today!  So we went outside.  My goal was to walk around a bit and get some exercise while the kids played.  But then the kids wandered too far, which scared me a bit.  So I went running through the rolling hills.

This, my friends, is where the deer poo and Lucy poo on the shoes comes into play.

And then, I discovered the kids were actually playing in the driveway.  Which was where they were supposed to be playing after all.

9.  But they all got super muddy.  And all their clothes will make up my fourth load of laundry for the day.

10.  So.  Then we had to go inside for naps.

Let us have a moment of silence for all the gloriousness that is naptime.

*thank you*

11.  Handsome Dude had to go BAFROOM again.  And he used all the toilet paper in the house and now my bathroom looks like this:

Things to Notice:

1.  The toilet paper roll is empty.  I assure you that all of the toilet paper that was on that roll, is now clogging the toilet.

2.  Look at all those towels.  Hello, 5th load of laundry for the day.

3.  The toilet water is flush with the top of the toilet bowl.  This leaves little room for error.

4.  Please notice the plunger.  We just bought that last week.  And have used it three times in one week. 

But, boy howdy!

  How on earth did we last from June until now without a plunger?

That’s pretty dang-darn good, if you ask me!

5.  Another thing to point out that isn’t really here nor there.  Lately, Handsome Dude has had a few “odd” BAFROOM accidents.  He goes, but when he comes out, his pants are wet in the front and the floor is wet by the door.

Hmmmm . . . .

I done figured it out.  He doesn’t know exactly what to do when he has to pee while he is pushing out the poo.

Again.  How has he made it this far in life without figuring that out?  I am trying to gently inform him of what he needs to do with his *ahem* parts so he can have a successful combined bowel/urination elimination.

I fear he is beyond instruction.

6.  And while I am on the topic of Handsome Dude and the BAFROOM, I have one more story for you (lucky you).

We were visiting my parents house and Handsome Dude was struggling with his elimation.  Sister Meagan walked by and asked him if he needed he help.

Handsome Dude, in the spirit of Handsome Dude, yelled, “NO! GO WAY!” and shut the door on her.

So, she went on with her life.

Then she walked by again and heard him yell, “OW!!!”

So, Sister Meagan, opened the door and as soon as he saw her, he said, “I not say OW!  Bye, Meagan!”

What a weird kid.

Let us again be so happy that he is sleeping.

I am slightly off-topic, aren’t I?  Let’s focus back on today’s events shall we?

7.  So.  I got the boys to bed.  My bathroom still looks like this:

My jeans are rolled up to my knees.  On account of the sewage water that spilled out everywhere.  I am sweaty from running around outside.  My house is a mess with playdough everywhere.  And crayons.  And sewage water.

8.  And, if you look outside, you can see LucyFur:

who has gotten into the room formerly known as the school room, pulled out a pink pillow, and is chewing on it.

Which is odd, since my kids aren’t allowed to play in the room formerly known as the school room.

And my kids always listen.

***

So.  That’s been Valentine’s Day.  I am thinking about throwing in the towel and just taking my cup of coffee to the bath.

And I just might.

Happy Monday!

PS-Sorry about the excessive use of the words pee and poo today.  It won’t happen again.

PPS-Ok.  It might happen again.  Sorry.

GoshDarnIt.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  And I am the teacher/fun mom/party-planning committee/loving wife.  Have I ever mentioned that I am not really good at . . . anything?

GoshDarnIt.

I should have planned something for Valentine’s Day.  For my kids or my husband.  Either one.  It would have been helpful.

 Well.  I was going to make some brownies.  But I got so excited, because I double love brownies, and I made them tonight.

So.  Now I’ve got nothing.

Let us pause for a moment of extreme sadness:  Sir Lumberjack and I shall not be going out tomorrow.

I know.  I am sure I am the only gal in the entire world who is not going out tomorrow  Poor me.  I think I will probably make something mediocre for dinner and then we will try to do something like family game night.  And family game night means the girls will have fun and the boys will weep and wail because they don’t know how to properly play games.

It will good-times-happiness.

But anyways.  For school tomorrow-what should I do?  Anyone?  Hello? 

I got nothing.

In case you couldn’t tell.

***

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I shall create a list.  Oh, yes.  A list.  And that list shall be favorite things about my Valentine.

His name?

David Charles Maliblahblah.

1.  He always looks uber happy to be in pictures.

2.  He makes “wabbles” (waffles.  keep up, people!) for the offspring every Saturday morn.

3.  He “helps” with laundry.  True.  He has ruined many of my sweaters and delicates.   Nevertheless!  He “helps” with the laundry.

4.  He has always thought I was “hot.”  No matter what.

Now, if that isn’t love, then I ask you, what is?

5.  He really likes huckleberry picking.

Alas.  I do not share this love with him.

But, I am happy for him.  For he and the huckleberry are in harmony.

Here he is picking berries whilst singing a song he made up all by himself:

“More berries, more berries, more berries, more-more berries.”

He’s got skillz.

6.  He has an extremely good work ethic and can work, without complaining or getting crabby, for hours on end. 

7.  He has muscles.  And he invites me to the gun show from time to time.

I’m gonna need a 10-4 Good Buddy from anyone who knows what the gun show is.  Over and out.

8.  He has no idea when my birthday is.  This used to bug me.  I am trying to find it endearing. 

9.  He does a bunch of really, really, really weird things.  Like record a 9 hour live cattle auction on the DVR.  And watch Antique Roadshow.  And bakes better cookies than me.  And can build an entire house like it ain’t no thang.  And sing in falsetto.  And daydream about being a logger.  Or a deep-sea fisherman.  He likes Kenny Rogers song, “The Gambler.”  I do not.  He cheats at every game he plays.  And burps in my face and it always smells like Pepsi and peanut M&Ms (romantic, I know).  He backs up trailers better than anyone else in the whole, entire world.  He taught me how to tell the difference between a wheat field and a grass field.  He taught me that hay is just grass.  And that a female elk is called a cow but a boy cow is called a bull.  And a boy elk is also called a bull.  And if he goes hunting, I am never supposed to ask, “Did you CATCH anything?”, but instead, I shall say, “Did you KILL anything?” And he always wears a white undershirt and has a huge wad of lint in his belly button everyday.

10.  Whenever I text him him to tell him I love him, he simply texts back “more.”  Usually when I text him, all he texts back is “K.”  Not “OK.”  But “K”.  So, “more” is fantastic!

Fun Fact:  Sometimes he has a typo and will text me “J.”

Funner Fact:  Lumberjacks hate texting.

Most Funnest Fact of all:  Lumberjills get a kick out of texting Lumberjacks who are attempting to be manly. 

So.  Tell me something you like about your Valentine.  Or what you are doing for Valentine’s Day.  Or what I should do for Valentine’s Day.

I welcome any and all of your thoughts.

Faretheewell!

Hello.  I have just consumed two cups of coffee and spent two hours visiting with a real human!

Just thought you might like to know.

And now, a Friday List:

1)  It is cold in my house.  My husband, dapper as he may be, insists we keep the heat set at 62 degrees.  Let us have a vote, shall we?

All in favor of me getting the heat turned up to at least 67, please say so immediately.  All in favor of me turning into a Taylor-sicle and keeping things 62, hush up.

2)  We got a new rabbit today.  That would be 11.  The aforementioned human, whom we shall call Shabree, came to visit and also brought a sweet little bunny named Ninja.  Ninja is like a precious, innocent, simple, ball of poof.  I am not sure he is meant for Ruralville’s rough-and-tough living.  We shall see, we shall see.

She even brushes his hair and clips his nails.

I don’t even really clip my kids’ nails.  And there are only four of them.  We have eleven bunnies.

Yikes.

But I am sure Ninja will be fine!  No need to worry, Shabree!

Yikes.

Godspeed, Ninja.

Godspeed.

3)  We did a craft thing for school last week.  I like to show you such things so I can impress the socks off of you all and make it appear as if I know what I am doing.  Which I don’t.

We studied The Phoenicians in history and learned about how they made purple dye.  So, we made our own with blueberries and colored pasta for necklaces.

Aren’t I pheMOMenal?

Oh, darn.  That was uber dumb.  But you cannot deny that it was clever, eh?  Get it?  Like phenomenal but with “mom” in it?  Huh?  Eh?  Yes?

The necklaces turned out to be disastrous, however.  They just encouraged LucyFur, our darling puppy, to attack the children and rip the necklaces off of their precious necks and eat the pasta.

Homeschool win.

Child-safey fail.

4)  My boys like to pretend they are “Grandpa” in the bath.

I think they do a pretty good job.

Lest you are feeling confused, “Grandpa” is on the left.

I am too lazy to crop.

5)  It is time for the COW.

COW=Comment of the Week.

Keep up, people!

This week’s winner is Sister Meagan.  She is, in fact, my sister.  And her name is Meagan.  Go figure.

She is commenting on this photo:

We were wearing shiny tarps. I am not even joking. They were held together by a clothes pin in the back. I feel like I probably wasn’t even allowed to wear a bra during the ordeal. I think underwear and pants were allowed.

Someone should have told whoever did this to us that under no circumstance were we ever going to rival the Judds, and perhaps this sort of gaudy get-up situation was not at all necessary. It was terrible. We looked terrible. We knew we looked terrible. Look at the looks on our faces! We knew this was bad news.

Ugh. Disgusting.

As you can tell, my sister is still bearing some wounds from this ordeal from circa 1994.  And, I am pretty sure that photo is still proudly displayed somewhere in my parent’s house.  Yes.  I believe it is near the television. 

6)  My husband cleared brush the other night and made this ginormous pile:

Yes.  There most certainly are smudges on the camera lens when I took this photo.  I don’t have time to clean my camera.  I can’t even keep up with the laundry.

But that is not why I am posting this picture, silly readers!

100 (meaningless) points to whomever can guess what my husband did to this pile immediately after building it.

7)  I am still cold.  I can’t feel my toes.  Woe is me.  What temp is it in your house?  Do many people live in a 62 degree habitat?  Maybe my hair needs to grow in thicker or something.

8)  If you want to enter a super cool giveaway hosted by yours truly, click here. 

9)  Even though my kids drive me absolutely nuts, I kind of like them.

10)  In fact, I am about to join them for what I am sure will be a riveting movie and I am most certainly going to pop one, maybe two bags of popcorn. 

11)  No one can deny that popcorn is delicious!

Happy Weekend!

Today, I am going to be linking up with Kelly’s Korner for Show Us Your Life.

The Topic is:  Hair and Beauty Tips.

Am I qualified to give these aforementioned hair and beauty tips?

Nay.  I am not.

Nevertheless, here we are!

***

Ok.  Here’s the deal.  I have awful hair.  A-W-F-U-L.  It has this wave in it. 

 It is not an endearing, cute wave.

You know the kind.

The kind of wave that you can scrunch up with a little gel and have an easy hair styling day.

No.  I have a disgusting wave that is uneven and shows up when I least expect it to.

Such is my life.

You may say, “Taylor!  Just make sure to blow dry it straight!”

Ha!

If only life were so simple. 

Here’s my daily life:

Get out of shower.

Comb hair out.

Discover that my boys have either:

A)  Hidden upstairs with a stolen pan of brownies, shoving both fists in to quickly eat as much of that chocolate-y goodness before mother finds them.

B)  Decided they needed to pour themselves a cup of chocolate milk.  Resulting in a floor covered in chocolate milk.

C)  Ran outside and let sister’s bunny rabbit out of the cage.

Fun Fact:  All of those things have happened whilst I was in the shower!  Are you impressed with my parenting skills? 

So.  My hair usually air dries a bit and gets this gross wave.

Boo.

But don’t lose heart!

I have a trick.

Take dry hair.

(This is important.  Don’t curl damp hair.  I know.  I’ve tried it)

Take the curling iron and start the curl closer to your scalp than you might usually do.

Then kind of keep curling in a ringlet style.  The goal is to have the curls go higher up so that your yucky wave is hidden.

Does this make sense?  Yes?  No?

Well,  it ends up kind of looking like this:

Ha!  Look at Sister Meagan!  She’s looking a tad exasperated, isn’t she?

She’s probably wishing her big sister would have given her these awesome beauty tips.

Right, Sister Meagan? Right?

Ok.  Probably not.

Moving on.

***

One of my favorite products is called Biosilk.

It does a great job of smoothing out dry, frizzy hair and making it shiny. 

It is kind of pricey, but you only need a little bit at a time.

***

And . . . that’s about all I got.

Are you inspired?

Are you informed?

Are you wondering what on earth I am talking about?

Alright.  I have one more beauty tip for all you mama’s out there.

Never, ever, under any circumstances, force your two daughters to pose for glamour shots:

As long as you adhere to that simple rule, everything else shall fall into place.

Happy Friday!

PS-Don’t forget to enter the giveaway for the $25 gift card to Lauren’s Etsy Shop!

Back in October, I asked for you to all be praying for our family.

An unborn child in our family has been given an “Incompatible with Life” diagnosis. 

My children know about this baby.  We pray for her every night,  I am not sure, however, of how much of this they understand.  My girls have been asking many questions, but the one that I hear the most is:

“Why can’t God heal her?”

This is a hard question to answer.  Because I find myself asking it myself.  I know he CAN, but I am not sure if he WILL.

Oh, how I pray that he would.

I try to explain  the best I can.  But I find it hard to explain something that even I don’t really understand.

My heart is broken for that sweet baby. 

Earlier this week, I was helping my daughter with her Bible verse memorization for Awana.  I remember this verse particularly well because it has the word “sufficient” in it.

Sweet Pea:  My grace is “suff-i-CANT”

Me:  The word is “sufficient.” 

Sweet Pea:  No.  It’s right here.  It says “suff-i-CANT.”

Me:  I know.  I see it.  The right way to say it is “sufficient.”

Sweet Pea:  I don’t believe you, Mom.

Can anyone guess what my challenge is with homeschooling this darling child of mine?

Anyways.

I helped her work on this verse all afternoon, and therefore, it will always be burned in my memory.

“But He (the Lord) said to me,

‘My grace is sufficient for you,

For My power is made perfect in weakness.’

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

So that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

My weaknesses? 

Doubt . . . Fear . . . Worry . . .

I am learning that I don’t have to understand.  I don’t have to not have questions.

 I don’t have to know all the answers.

Which is good.  Because I don’t.

I need to trust God.  Because His Grace is sufficient for me.  And His power will be made perfect in my weakness.

So, I will pray.  I will pray that God would heal this baby.  But if he chooses not to heal her, I pray that His power and His love and His grace will be shown to all of us.

Hold on to your pants, folks.

We have a giveaway today!

I know, I know.

Such excitement!

Darling reader, Lauren, has opened up an etsy shop and asked if I would mind hosting a giveaway for her.  I have to admit, I had to give this some serious thought. 

You see, I, too, have contemplated opening up one of these so-called etsy shop thingies with all my craftiness.

Case in Point:

My homemade nativity scene.

I kid!  I jest!

I know not how to sew on buttons or knit or crochet or garden or quilt or cross-stitch or properly use a hot glue gun or use a drill or jump a car or even squat and pee while out in the middle of the woods and no suitable bathrooms can be found.

I am such a disappointment on so many levels.

Confessions of a Lumberjack’s Wife:  I outsource the sewing of my kids’ Awana’s patches to my ma-in-law and sis-in-law.

I am so ashamed.

So, the etsy shop is not in my future.

But Lauren!  Lauren is crafty!  Her grandmother taught her to crochet when she was 9. She made a horribly uneven, bright pink baby blanket she had no use for and promptly gave up crocheting. She made a New Year’s Resolution to hand-make all of her gifts last year and fell in love again with crocheting. 

Hence, the etsy shop.

Her shop is called The Crafty Pirate.  She has a lot of cute stuff over there, and here are some photos from her site:

The Crafty Pirate will be giving away a gift card for $25 toward her shop to one lucky winner!

See?  Exciting!

I told you all to hold on to your pants!

Next time, heed my warnings.

The giveaway will end Wednesday, February 16, 2011 at 11am CST when I will randomly select a winner.

There are 3 different ways to enter the giveaway, but make sure you leave a separate comment for each one you do!

Note:  You don’t have to do all three options to enter.  But the more comments you leave, the better your chances are!

Another Note:  But you can’t leave more than three comments.  That would cheater-ish.  Not that I am calling you a cheater.

A Final Note:  But you must do what she asks if you leave all three comments.

Are you confused?

Are you?

It’s ok.  It happens.

Comment Option Number One:

Go to The Crafty Pirate etsy site  and then leave me a comment about your favorite item for sale.

You leave the comment here. On this blog.  The Lumberjack’s Wife.  On this post.  Not a different one. 

Are you confused?  Are you?

  Mom?  Dad?  How are you doing with all this?

Comment Option Number Two:
Follow The Crafty Pirate on The Facebook

Click here to be taken to her Facebook page and then click like.

See?  Simple! 

But wait!  Then you have to come back here.  To this blog.  The Lumberjack’s Wife.  And leave me a comment-on this post-and tell me you did that.

I lost you, Mom, didn’t I?

Comment Option #3

Post about this giveaway on your very own blog. Be sure to leave the link to your blog post about the giveaway in your comment.

Do you not have a blog?  Bummer.  Perhaps you should start one.

I hear its all the rage.

***

Phew.  Is anyone still here?  I know.  I am so demanding today.

In the meantime, if you decide you can’t live without something The Crafty Pirate makes, be sure to use the code Lumberjacks to get 15% off your purchase!

So.  To recap:

Contest.

Cute stuff.

Etsy shop.

Comment.

Maybe win!

Happy Day!

PS-I will have to delete any extra comments.  I know.  I am so mean.  But it is only fair!  Also, please do not “reply” do anyone else’s comment today.

Thanks bunches!