The Lumberjack's Wife

I took HD to get his new glasses frames.  I brought with me HD and the chewed up lenses.  When we walked in, I saw Bob, but he was busy helping someone else.  A gal I have never seen before called me over and said she would help me.  I wanted to wait for Bob, but I didn’t want to be rude, so I obeyed.

For the purposes of this post, we shall call her, “Fran.”

Fran was 100% not impressed with me.

Fran:  Where are his old frames?

Me:  Oh, they were chewed up into like 100 pieces.

Fran:  Ok, but I still need them.

Me:  Oh, I didn’t know.  I threw them away.  I can show you a picture?

Fran:  Well, I need something to return to the manufacturer.  I will need to go and speak to my manager.

Gasp.  Bob has never had to talk to the manager.  In fact, I may have thought Bob WAS the manager.  But, alas.  He is not.

Fran:  My manager said we can help you just this once.  And for future reference, “the puppy chewed them” is not usually covered under warranty.

Me:  Ok, thank you.

Boy, did I feel sheepish.  I wasn’t trying to do anything sneaky.

Fran is trying to be nice to me and HD, bless her heart.

HD:  Can you help me curve the arms around my ears?

Fran:  Ok, but they really are not made to do that.

Gasp.  Bob always offers to curve the arms for HD.

Fran:  Ok.  All set!

Me:  Oh.  There is supposed to be a strap across the back?

Fran:  We assumed you would have that.

Me:  No.  The puppy ate that, too.

So, I am happily paying $15 for a strap.  And I got to wave hello to Bob.  And through all of our FaceMasks, I hope he saw the look on my face that meant to relay:

“Dear Bob.  You were missed today.  Thank you for spoiling us these 13 years.  We will wait for you next time.”

Let the records show:  I do not feel Fran was rude.  I just feel like we have been spoiled these many years with Bob.

***

HD left his glasses on the ground again last night.

Me:  YOU MUST STOP LEAVING THE GLASSES FOR THE PUPPY TO CHEW!

I am sure this will all end well.

***

Today.

Today is Little Dude’s 12th birthday.  When I woke up this morning, I could tell the kitchen looked a bit different from when I left it.  It was clean!  Just different.

Me:  Dude.  Did you bake cookies last night?

LD:  Why, yes I did.

Me:  When?!

LD:  Around midnight last night.  To celebrate my birthday.

What am I going to do with this kid and his culinary passions after 10pm?  I ask you?

Last night, the neighbor asked the boys if they would like to come and work for him.  They were on cloud nine.  LD doesn’t even care that he is working on his birthday.

I was reading on the deck last night and HD came outside.

HD:  Mom, I have been waiting my whole entire life to say this.  I better go to bed now.  I gotta get up for work in the morning.

He was very excited.

HD:  Mom, I think I might need a big breakfast before I go.  What do you think?

Me:  Yeah, probably.

HD:  I wonder what I should have?

Me:  Would you like me to make you toast and eggs?

HD:  I was hoping you would say that.  You make the best toast.

And now, readers,  I will tell you how to make THE BEST TOAST.

1.  Get bread.
2. Put it in the toaster.
3. Toast it.
4. Spread butter on it.
5. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar.

And now, readers, I will tell you how to make THE BEST EGGS.

1.  Use farm fresh eggs with multi colored shells.
2. Scramble them.

My boys know when the eggs are store bought and turn their noses up at them.

Before their first day of work, I had to have a Come to Jesus meeting with them.

I informed them about tithing.

LD:  What if he pays us with a cow?

Me:  What?!  He is not going to give you a cow for four hours of yard work.

LD:  But what if he does?  How would I tithe that?

For the love.

Me:  Determine the value of the cow.  If it was worth $500, you would give the church $50.

LD:  Ok, got it, Mom!

Then I made the shake hands and promise not to fight with each other the entire time they were there and no saying the words “stupid” and “idiot” and save all their issues to work out with me when they got home.

Let us hope they listened.

Me:  Ok, boys!  Time for your first day of work and LD’s Happy Birthday Picture!

Boys:  Seriously?

Me:  Yup!

They were so excited they left 40 minutes early.  For a 3 minute bike ride.

I told them to pack a lunch.  They packed water, gatorade, string cheese, pretzels and many of LDs homemade chocolate chip cookies.

***

Last night, Kate wanted me to try on her jeans.  I tried to explain to her that there was no way on this here Earth that I would fit into her jeans.

Kate:  Please, Mom.  JUST TRY.

So, I did.  And they fit!

Me:  Oh, wow.

Kate:  I knew they would.  Because when I stand up they practically fall off of me.

Let the records show:  They were a mite snug.

***

The Rental.

We have basically sold all we can and have started sanding the floors.  Actually, David has started sanding the floors.  I will help with that this weekend.  I need to be retrained.  It has been a good 16 years since I have done anything like that.

But I am contributing in my own way.

When we got to the house, the bathtub and kitchen sink were awful.  Stains and disgustingness.  We both agreed we would probably have to replace them.

But I cleaned the tub with a magic eraser and it looks good as new.

The sink was a different story.

I tried so many things.  I googled many tricks.  I couldn’t get it clean.  David said we would have to buy a new one.

But then I thought of . . . wait for it . . . a pumice stone.

So now, I can feel as though I am a contributing partner in this marriage.

David can refinish the floors and I can save sink.

We are all heroes.

Happy Friday!

I have sad news.

Jason is taking his family and moving far, far away from me.

Remember Jason?

Jason and Amy are taking their precious children and leaving me.

Huge bummer.  We will all miss them.

We hosted a big family dinner last weekend.  Here is a picture of the whole Maliblahblah side of the family.

Let’s talk about hosing big dinners, shall we?

I am old now and a seasoned pro, so these sorts of things no longer phase me.  I had planned to make chicken stir fry, a Maliblahblah family favorite.  David was to grill the chicken.  When prepping the chicken, I panicked and decided I needed more chicken.  So I marinated LOTS and LOTS of chicken.

That will be important later.

When there were like 20 people over, it was time to cook the meal.  As people do when they are hosting dinner.

David regrettably informs me that he cannot grill the chicken, as we are out of propane.

He had one job, people.  ONE JOB.  But I digress.

We decide to shift gears and cook the chicken in the house.  David starts cutting it up and I start cooking it.  People are everywhere, talking and chatting, and have no idea the stress that has befallen me.

I ran out of room.  There was TOO MUCH CHICKEN.  I was swimming in raw chicken.  Chicken was everywhere.  I cannot emphasize this enough to you.  It was a lot of chicken.

We cooked it.  It tasted fine.  People ate it.  No problem.

Another thing one must do when inviting many peoples over is ensure they have enough plates.  This I did not do.  David was pulling out pie pans and such.  It was awesome.  I am sure the people were impressed.  Normally, we would just pull paper plates from our trailer and extra propane from the trailer.  But this is the first year we have our new river property and our trailer is located there.  Live and learn.

***

Calf Update.

No calves have died!  This is good for us this year.  Keeping them alive has been a challenge.

Here is Elusive with a Tag and her cute bull calf.

Here is Elusive withOUT a tag, and her cute reddish brown heifer calf.

Yesterday I was checking on them and Elusive with a Tag totally charged me.  I had to run for my life on my not-so-great knee.  It was no good.  Why does she hate me so?  I mean her no ill-will.

***

You might recall that the puppy ate HD’s glasses for a second time.  And you might recall that I had to call Bob, my glasses BFF, and order new frames.

Bob:  Ok, do you need new lenses.

Me:  No, the puppy did not chew on the lenses.

Bob:  Ok, we will get some new frames ordered soon.

David was able to tape the chewed up glasses together so HD could get by until the new frames came in.  The new frames seem to be taking awhile.  I heard they come from Canada, so that’s fancy.

I am going to have to teach HD about the meaning of the word “insanity.”  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Yesterday morning:

HD:  Well, Mom.  That stupid dog ate my glasses again.

Those would be the taped up frames.  And now, no tape can fix them.

Me:  WHY DO YOU LEAVE THEM ON THE FLOOR WHEN YOU GO TO SLEEP?

HD:  It’s Hadley’s fault.   She should train her puppy better.

Me:  YOU KNOW THE PUPPY WILL CHEW ON THEM.  STOP LEAVING THEM OUT.

I didn’t have the nerve to call Bob.  I am too ashamed.  I cannot tell him the puppy has eaten the glasses for a third time.  What kind of a mother will he think I am?  But now there is no hiding the chew marks on the lenses.  Well, I don’t care.  HD is going to the doctor in August and will probably get a new prescription.  He can have chewed lenses until August.  I wash my hands of it.

HD really likes his glasses.  He has terrible eyesight without it.  I am sure he gets headaches and his mood greatly tanks whenever he is without them.

HD:  Well.  Guess I can’t help Jason and Amy load the moving truck today.

Me:  Yes, you still are.

HD:  Fine.  But I will probably load their boxes into the wrong moving truck BECAUSE I CANNOT SEE.

Me:  Well.  Let us hope that the neighbors aren’t also loading a moving truck today.

Later that night, he was trying to watch TV and was holding the chewed lenses in front of his eyes like a little magnifying glass.  He begged David for help.

David grabbed some copper wire from his handy electrical supplies area and made these make-shift spectacles for him.

Impressive, no?

I am really looking forward to explaining this to Bob.

Later, Dudes.

I feel like Little Dude and I are often in sync with each other.  We are the two humans who have the most compassion for animal kind on our property.

Yesterday, I was therapeutizing my knee in the hot tub.  And, no, therapeutizing is not a word.  I made it up!

I was in the hot tub and he was sitting on the deck visiting with me.  Naturally, he had Rio with him.  And I am going to tell you about the convo we had, because it is only he who I could have this convo with.

Me:  Dude.  Look at the cows  which one is the most beautiful?  Ignore personality.

LD (thinking seriously, because we take this seriously):  Hmmm.  That is a tough one.

Me:  It is Matilda.  I mean, she is a beaut.  She is a brat and a half, but she is stunning.

LD:  True.  Which one is the funniest?

Me:  What do you mean?

LD:  I mean, which one do you think is the most playful?

Me:  None of them.  They are a bunch of moody, no nonsense gals.

We share a chuckle and a fondness for our bovine friends.

If I had asked Hadley which cow was the prettiest, she would have said:
“Mom.  You have lost your mind.”

Well, too bad for her because LD and I enjoy our animal friends and speak of them fondly.

***

We are trying to sell things online.  I have listed some furniture and appliances from the rental.  I get many texts or emails that read:

“Is this still available?”

And I say

“Yes”

And then I never hear from them again.

Ever.

And now, I must tell you that I truly believe there are people who spend all day answering these ads with the question:

“Is this still available?”

Just to mess with people.

It is a regular conspiracy!  And to prevent this, we even put directly into the ad this sentence:

If this ad is still up, the item is still available.

This deters no one.  I am at my witt’s end.  I live 45 minutes from the rental and so when I get a text at 8am that says:

“Is this still available?”

My mind is racing and re-planning my day so I can work in a trip to town, and then, nothing.

***

My knee is plum making me fussy.  I have no idea what is going on and I am fit to be tied.  I decided to call the doctor to make an appointment, just for kicks and grins, and he is three weeks out.  So, I will see him in three weeks.  And he will say what I always hear:

“Well.  You had seven surgeries.  It isn’t going to be normal.  You will need a knee replacement eventually, but you are too young.”

Woe unto me.

***

Elusive withOUT a tag had a calf today.  I made my boys walk out with me to check.   The Elusive gals are really quite furious if you come near their babies.  It is purely terrifying.  It is like evil lasers are shooting from their eyes with the intent to kill anyone who is within a 300 foot range of their young.

But lucky for you, I did grab this photo:

It is, admittedly, a terrible photo.  But remember the laser eyes!

There is a calf in the bottom left-ish area of the picture.  Elusive withOUT a tag is in the right side of the photo, wishing we were all dead.

The calf looks to be a reddish color.  Interesting.

Who is the father, Elusive withOUT a tag?  Hmmmm?

Alright.

Happy Tuesday.

Look at this.

I mean.  Come on.

How could David ever not like kittens?  Precious creatures.

I ordered the sequel to These is My Words.  Thanks for the suggestion, astute readers.  As I waited, I read a book Kate gave to me.  Kate is my child who is in college but she is still in high school.  Her book was required reading.  It was very different.  It was called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime.  It was an easy read.  It had bad words.  This is unfortunate, but such is life.  I felt it gave me some good insight on kiddos with autism, which perhaps will help me in my teaching career.  Maybe?  Perhaps?

The cute puppy, Charlie, ate HD’s glasses again.  I didn’t even drive him into town for it.  I just called, Bob. Do you remember Bob?  Sure you do.  Bob has been a part of my life for longer than this here blog.  Anyways, Bob is surely unimpressed with my mothering skills in the subject of eye glasses, but he is kind to me nonetheless.  He just had to help us a couple of months ago when Charlie ate them.

Me then:  Thank you so much for all of your help with this!  We will definitely not ever let the puppy have access to them again.

Me today:  Hi, Bob.  It’s me.  Taylor.  Remember?  Yeah.  The puppy ate the glasses again.

He is ordering new frames and will call me when they are in.  HD is handling this setback like a champ.  And he has a new and improved middle school attitude to match it.  He is thrilled that the only way we could fix his glasses was with a bandaid.  His eyes hurt, he cannot see, the bandaid is dumb . . . Just, whatever, man.

The Rental.

We are fixing it up.  When I say we, I mean, David, and I am just basically his project organizer and cheerleader.  He started sanding the wood floors tonight:

Fun fact:  I have always wanted to move back here, ever since we moved 10 years ago.  I LOVED that house.  I never wanted to sell it before.  I am feeling ok with it now.  I am ready to be done.  We will fix it up one more time and be done.

My knee.

I do not know what is going on.  I do not think I tore anything, but it hurts.  I have been resting.  Today, I went for a walk to check on the cows.

*GASP*

I live life on the edge.  I had Kate keeping watch at home with a cell phone in case I fell and couldn’t get up.  Again.

Yes.  I am 38.  Why do you ask?

Anyways, I found Elusive with a Tag and her calf.  This was as close as I could get.  For she wanted my head on a platter for merely being in the presence of her and her calf.

Do you see her?  She is the cow with a tag in her ear who doesn’t want to be looked at much.  Hence the name, “Elusive with a Tag.”  The cow in the left of the picture is our friend, “Elusive without a Tag.”  Observe that she does not have a tag.

Could we not be more clever with our bovine names?

Taylor:  David!  I get to name all the cows!  And the names will be fabulous, like Bessie and Matilda and Mildred!

David:  Whatever.

First round of cows:  Matilda, Rosie, Mildred, Babs, Hildy, Penny, Maisy, and Bessie.

Second round:  Purple Cow 8, Purple Cow 5, Elusive with a Tag, Elusive without a Tag, Miss America.

You may ask, “Taylor!  Why Miss America?”

Well.  Because she has one red tag and one blue tag.

I am not killing it in the name department over here.

Anyways.

I went on the walk and now my knee hurts something fierce, so I have been icing and propping and bemoaning life.

Yes.  I am 38.  Why do you ask?

My boys will not stop fighting nor eating.  I am plum at my witt’s end.  There is no end in sight.  I had to have a “Come to Jesus” meeting with them today regarding their poor attitudes.  They are full of much middle school angst.  They didn’t really feel moved by my speech, but they did hope to make/eat brownies soon after.

Did I tell you we bought 150 more pigs?

We bought 150 more pigs.

Happy Monday!

I am glum.  Here is a list:

1.  The school year ended and it was weird.
2. Our renters moved out, and that is all fine and dandy, but now we must decide what to do with our rental.  We have had it for ten years.  No matter what, the rental is in need of TLC, and who has the time?  I spent most of the day there yesterday.  It is overwhelming and mostly, I need David, because he is our life foreman.  David is far too busy for all the things, so this will be another stressful season.
3. I am reading These is My Words, for like, the fourth time.  I think a reader, Melissa, recommended that book to me many moons ago.  It is good, but almost over.  Don’t you hate it when a book you love is ending?
4. I got roped into another round of “Pig Flipping.”  We are down to the bitter end here, folks.  Out of the 200 we started with, we only have 15.  But David, who is never content, has found another deal for us to all go in on.  And I said no.  I was out.  But then I was told I had to go and pick up 150 pigs, like with a vehicle, and I was like, “you are kind of making me not out of the pig business.”  So, I am back in the pig business, because, as I said to David, “If Taylor is dealing with pigs, then Taylor gots to get paid.”
5. I feel I have come a long way, yes?  I am proud of me.
6. Yesterday, I had to bring a pig in a dog crate to town and sell it in the parking lot of a local grocery store.  And then my car smelled like pigs all day.
7. I am almost 39.  And I care and I do not care.  I don’t really care all that much, but it is weird nonetheless.  I am happy to report that according to my trusty hair dresser, I still have not received a gray hair.  I have decided that if I can survive 200 weaner pigs and quaran-TEENS simultaneously and still not get gray hair, I might not ever get gray hair.  Silver linings!  (punny)
8. Here is something not-so-glum in my glum list.  Kate bought me a plant as an appreciation gift.  So that was lovely.  She has been a delight as of late and spending more time at home (thanks, ‘RONA!)
9. Today, I went on a walk to check the cows.  This is my favorite past time, but you already knew that.  We have two cows that David bought in March.  We call them the Elusives.  This is because for the first few weeks, they would never let us lay our eyes upon them.  They have gotten better and we may now lay our eyes upon them.  But only that and no more!  So, I gave them names, and I think they are like Eloise and Elmira, but we just call them “Elusive with a tag” and “Elusive without a tag.”  Both Elusives are showing signs of impending labor.  So today, I was full of hope and joy as “Elusive with a tag” was nowhere to be seen.  Which means maybe she was in the bushes having a new calf friend for me to enjoy!  So, I am walking and I am far from the house, and I totally fall.  Like way bad and I am not even sure why.
10. Herein lies the problem:  I have a bad knee.  Do you remember my knee saga, Friends?  If not, don’t worry about it.  But I have had seven surgeries on the same knee.  Well, I fell and I twisted that bad boy up and it was no bueno.
11. Herein lies another problem:  the boys were home and they do not have phones.  The girls and David, the family member with phones, were all gone far away.  And there I was, laying on the ground, unable to stand, and not sure who could help me.  So I call David, but I am not sure what he can do for me, as he is like an hour away.  I decide to try one of the boys Gizmo watches, which they never use.  And God must have been looking out for me because HD answered.  He brought the 4 wheeler and came and picked me up.  LD insisted I lay down and ice it and then HD went to go and find Elusive with a Tag for me.  He came back to tell me she had a calf.
12. So, now I am mad because I cannot go and look at the new calf friend.
13. I cannot tell if I am seriously hurt.  I can walk, but it hurts.  I am a bit worried and I truly hope I didn’t do anything serious.
14. I took a nap with our new kitten, Rio.  It was a literal cat nap and it was delightful. 
15. Oh!  And right before my walk with cows, I stripped the bedding and was washing all the bedding, so I got to try and finish that up with my bum knee.
16. Bummer.
17. I need new book recommendations.  Please advise.

Well, folks.  This here is a picture of Little Dude and Kate.  Little Dude is 11 (almost 12) and is the youngest.  Kate is 17 and is the oldest.  LD is now the tallest of the four and Kate is now the shortest.

LD will not stop eating.  I don’t know what to do.  I just keep feeding him and hope for the best.

***

The boys sold those precious lambs.  The minute they sold them, they regretted it.  We really do not need sheep by any means, but those orphaned lambs were seriously precious.  They were like puppies.  So, just like that, we are already out of the sheep business.  And I am ok with that.

***

We have about 55 pigs left.  I still do not like them.

***

The school year is coming to an end.  What a strange year this has been.  I hope things can go back to normal soon.  I miss being with the kids and all our routines.  I am sad that I will never be with this class again.  My calendar in my classroom is frozen in time on March 13, 2020, as that was the last day we were together.  When I said goodbye to them that Friday afternoon, it was not on anyone’s radar that our school would be shut down so quickly.  I wish we could have had closure and time to prepare the kids for online learning.  This class was precious to my heart and I will always remember them.

***

We went kayaking the other day as a family.  I came out in what I *thought* was a “just fine” outfit for kayaking.

First of all, it is too cold to swim, so I wasn’t needing a swimsuit.  I was needing to wear something that I could easily get in and out of the water with and not be too hot or too cold.

I am almost 39 now and a very sensible gal.  I came out with Nike capri leggings, a t-shirt from Maurices, a zip up hoodie, and Keen sandals.

As soon as I came out of my room, both girls said, “Nope.”

I tried many outfits on for them, and I failed every time.  Finally, Kate dressed me.  I guess my trusty Keen water shoes are no longer in style because those were a definite NO from the teens.  They put me in Kate’s sandals and I cannot remember the name of them, but they are definitely NOT CHACOS, because who has time for all of those straps?  I ask you?

So, I was dressed in shorts and a tank and I was told the bra I was wearing was not tank appropriate, so I was given a sports bra by the teens and then I was told that I looked very stylish.

I have a teacher friend.  Let’s call her Tiffany.  Tiffany is uber cute and always looks amazing.  Kate thinks highly of Tiffany and oft reminds me that I am not as cute as her.  Which is fine because I accepted this long ago.  After Kate dressed me, she said:

“Now, Mom.  This is something Tiffany would wear.  This is cute.  Try to be like Tiffany.”

The icing on the cake for the girls was when we were driving to the lake, David looked at me and said,

“You look nice.”

Which is something he doesn’t usually say.  They were pleased.

***

We went camping for the first time.  Do you remember that we bought river property?  Do you?  Do you?

It was our maiden camping trip.  And it was exhausting.  There were so many mosquitoes!  The more talented peoples of the group decided to start a storage shed.  We need a storage shed to store things like our new riding lawn mower.  This family that I married into are incredible and know how to do all the things and are very hard workers.  I am probably an embarrassment to them, as I do not operate a nail gun regularly.  I do, however, know how to teach phonemes, so if that is ever needed at the river property, I will be of great use.  They did an excellent job and I could not believe they got the shed up in one weekend.  Handsome Dude just watched David and then started siding one wall of the shed on his own!  My kids are going to be very amazing like their dad.  Hopefully I can also teach them phonemes.

Here is a photo of Kate, my nieces, and I, after the shed was built.  We still need to paint and add a door.  We found it to be humorous that we were the ones in the photo, when we were not the hard workers who did the majority of the work.

Stand down, Readers!  We will be painting the metal to match.  The dream team (which does not include me) used pallet wood for siding!  GENIUS.

Also.  We officially have our own outhouse.

So, be jealous of that.

Happy Monday!

The other morning, I woke up and examined the kitchen.  The kitchen never looks the way I left it.  It is quite obvious that the majority of the children are nowhere near done eating or ready to sleep when David and I go to bed.

Me, shouting upstairs to Little Dude:  Dude!  Did you air fry up a bunch of meatballs again last night?

LD:  Um, yeah.

Me:  How many?

LD:  Um, 20 or 30.

Me:  Dude!

LD:  Mom!  I NEED PROTEIN.

Feeding these people is no joke.

HD:  Mom, I am so excited to try some of our farm fresh beef

Me:  I am not.

Cows are friends, not food!

***

Yesterday, I was in the house while a pig sale was going down.  HD came in the house and told me the lady needed a bill of sale.  I said I would get right on it, as I aim to please, but could he please go and see what the gal’s name was.  He came back and told me and the name sounded extremely familiar.

Me:  Dude!  Go and ask her if she is an OBGYN!  I think she birthed you!

HD disappeared and apparently did not ask her that question, for he found the whole entire ordeal to be extremely horrifying.

I walked outside and called out, “Hello, do you remember me?”

Ha.  As if she remembers me.  But I am 38 now and this is what 38 year old women do.

HD to Hadley:  Oh, man.  Mom is going to tell this lady she birthed me.  This is so embarrassing.

So, I of course came out and made all the necessary introductions and informed the gal, who 100% fact did not remember me, that the boy who just loaded her pigs was a boy that she helped me birth some 13 years ago.

It was a pleasant trip down memory lane.

***

David called me to ask if I could please take the truck and horse trailer to the scale in a local farm town and weigh it.

Isn’t he odd?  He has the strangest tasks in mind for me all the time.

Friends.  I have NEVER hauled a trailer.  I never really planned on wanting to haul anything.

I took LD with me.

Me:  Look at this.  Before I drive.  Is this hitch thing all connected just right?  I’m not going to lose anything?
LD (in his new and improved deeper man voice):  It looks good, Mom.

Me:  I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.

LD:  Take the turns wide.  Don’t take out the mailbox.

He is so wise for an almost 12 year old.

I successfully weighed the truck and trailer and took no mailboxes out.  The truck and trailer, plus a very large grain sack weighed 17, 160 pounds, if you must know.

Apparently David had to know.

Today, he asked Hadley to haul a steer in the trailer to town.  And she didn’t even care and was like:

“Yeah, sure, whatever.”

And Hadley has hauled livestock and trailers for her Pa many a time and I have no idea how it comes so easily to her.

***

Last night.

You all remember how David had left to sell Dutch Bro?  Yes?

Well, he was taking forever and a day and finally he called to let me know he made some business deal and was coming home with TWENTY-FIVE sheep.  But not to worry, Taylor, he was going to sell them real quick.

So.  I am writing this blog post to you whilst viewing the sheep.

They are pleasant enough.

Our new puppy, who is part Australian SHEPHERD thinks we are the coolest family ever and is extremely exhausted from herding the sheep up and down the pen for no reason at all.

Two little lambs are orphaned and the boys have decided they would like to be their new parents, so we also have two lambs on bottles.

Apparently the boys might buy the lambs from David?  I don’t know.  But there are now lamb bottles and lamb milk replacer bags in my kitchen.

Fun Fact:  When I don’t know how to conclude a post, I always just say Happy _______ and insert whatever day of the week it is.

Happy Tuesday!

Kittens!

I have excellent news.  I actually looked at a calendar and discovered the kittens are older than I thought!  They are now 6 1/2 weeks old.

Math.  Who knew?

I am not going to keep Philip.  Philip is the darling angel kitten in the far left of the photo.  Philip is going to my dear friend, Erika.  So I can keep in touch.  She probably isn’t naming him Philip though, because she is crazy.

Little Dude and I are keeping the kitten whose head is up high and is light gray/striped.  Her name is Rio.  So that will be three cats total and David is thrilled.  I *promised* him that they will all be outside cats soon.

*Promised*

***

Little Dude.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to say his name yet and he is now the biggest child.  But I am just going to call him Little Dude.  Even though he is taller than me and his siblings.

LD and HD are best friends/worst enemies and it changes by the minute.  The other day they were fighting like crazy, so I gave HD outside chores and told LD to assemble a book shelf for me.

He worked on it for about two hours and had to disassemble and reassemble it multiple times.

Also.  He used a power drill and I didn’t even know we had a power drill at this house.  And I do not know really exactly how to use a power drill.  And I thought the power drills were always with David in his work van.

Huh.

Anyways.  He had to keep starting over but he was as pleasant as can be.

Me:  Dude.  How come you are so calm?

LD:  I am trying to look calm, but inside I am red and screaming.

Me:  Ok, then.

He assembled it and I love it and maybe someday I will take a picture of him with it.

Today is not that day.

Also:  I paid him.  I am not evil.

***

Pigs.

We have sold 94 pigs.

I sold 33 today.  They were going like gangbusters!  Happy Days!

They stink.  I hate them.  Let’s be done.

***

Cows.

Matilda’s calf died.  I do not know why.  My heart is broken.  I ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream to mourn her, which was completely reasonable and  I hate everything.  And we never have Ben and Jerry’s.  It was one of David’s secret chocolate hidings for when I am falling apart.  Which is apparently a thing.

I didn’t even name her.  HD wanted to name her “Leslie.”  I laughed and laughed.  Leslie?!  Where does he come up with this stuff.

But now, she is nameless and dead.

Just the other night I was telling David I wanted a charolaise heifer bottle calf because they are beautiful and lovely and I want to name her Opal because I double love Opal apples.

But then I saw Matilda’s dead calf and my heart was sad and I told David I didn’t want a heifer calf anymore because she would just die and make me sad and I should probably just move to town.

This is why David hides treats like M and Ms and pints of Ben and Jerry’s.  For such a time as this.

Dutch Bro.

You guyzzzzzz.  David sold him.  On this very night.  I saw him loaded in the trailer and looking out the back.

Here is a baby picture of Dutch Bro.

Here he is with his mama, Rosie.

She’s dead.  Are you surprised?
I’m not.

Woe unto me.

So.  Dutch Bro is gone.  It was bound to happen.  But I guess it is better he left our property alive and well, and David did not shoot him.

Spoiler Alert:  It is very likely that someday someone will shoot Dutch Bro and eat him.

Apparently that is what people do with cows.  They are not just cute pets.

Woe unto me.

Happy Monday!