The Lumberjack's Wife

People:  Taylor!  You are so lucky to live where you live!  I am so jealous!

Me:  Oh, yes.  It is magical!

Speaking of magical:

Would you like to know what screaming piglets inside of your house sounds like:

Piggies in the House

I am feeling a bit better about my current situation.  Yesterday was a pretty chill day regarding the piglets.  Chicks were hatching and that was cute and fun.  I went on a walk to check cows and found Matilda with a newborn calf!

And here is the calf 8 hours later:

She just jumped into the feeder to hide from David.  Matilda did not care for her shenanigans.

***

Kate:  Mom.  When I get home from work tonight, remind me I need to take a test.

Me:  Ok.  Our house is not going to be the best place to focus on a test.

Kate:  Why?

Me:  Well.  We have three piglets in the crate in the house and your Uncle is coming by to deliver a bunch of pipe so Dad can build a bridge and we are babysitting your cousins and Dad is going to attempt to perform a surgical procedure on a piglet.

Kate (unfazed):  Well, it is not like I can take the test anywhere else.  The whole world is shut down.

Me:  True.  Ok, we will hope for the best.

Let the records show:  25 pigs have been sold.

So that is something.

David to Hadley:  I am going to need you to take the towels out of the pig crate and wash them.

Me:  Should we wash them?  Or throw them away?  I am not sure what the correct procedure is for dealing with towels piglets have been living on?

I do, in fact, have an amazing washing machine.  I have spoken to you about it before.  It has this cycle called:

Sanitize with Oxi

STEAM COMES OUT OF THE MACHINE.  It makes me truly feel like it is cleaning things, no?

But what about pig towels?  Mind you, piglets have been living on these towels for a couple of days.

I guess I could run them through about 8 times?  Would that do it?

And then never allow humans to use them again?  They can be farm animal towels?

Or maybe just throw them away and wash my hands of it?

Happy Friday!

Last night, as I was scrubbing pig poop off my Apple Watch at 9:45pm, I decided that I might be officially “over it.”

David called last night on his way home.  At the time I was on a walk to check the cows and he had many questions about the pigs, so I made my way over to them.

I observed the situation and told David what I saw.

Me:  Basically, we just have too many pigs.

And that about sums it up.

We have too many pigs.  200 was too many.  Who would have thought? Live and learn.

Now.  I am going to tell you about last night.  But there is something you must understand before I tell you about last night.  And that is this:

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON.

David arrives home around 7pm.  We look at the piglets and decide they definitely do not have enough room.

Because 200 was too many.

We have them living in the chicken coop area.  But we feel like some of the piglets are not getting access to food as much as the others and we need to remedy that situation.

Because 200 was too many.

So, David, HD, and I make a temporary shelter in our stock trailer.  We put hay down and were getting ready to transport them over.  And then David says we need to give the pigs a shot of antibiotics.

Why?  I do not know.  Do not ask me. I do not care.  I am not a pig farmer.

So we decide to give everyone the shot, load the pigs into the trailer as a way to sort them, and then move most of the pigs back to the chicken coop and have some of the pigs live in the stock trailer.

HD was helpful as can be, but would not stop talking.

The piglets were not helpful as can be.  They literally acted like they were being murdered anytime anyone touched them.  I really wanted to take video so you could hear the screaming, but I feared that would irritate my husband.  It is probably not a good idea to stop and use your phone when you are helping your husband sort 200 screaming piglets.  I just really need you to understand how chaotic two hours of 200 piglets screaming is.

HD:  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  How about this?  How about you shoot the piglets and I will put them behind this divider in the stock trailer.

HD: Dad!  Let’s put all the shot ones there.

HD:  Dad!  Dad!  You are fast at shooting them!

Me:  Dude.  You are saying this all wrong.  We are not shooting the pigs.  Dad is giving them a shot.

HD:  Same thing.

Me:  Nope.

HD:  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Is it good that we have boys and girls?

HD:  Dad!  Dad! Dad!  Dad!  Here!  Shoot this one!

At first, my job was to hold the piglets while David SHOT THEM.  The piglets are small and it is not hard to hold them, but again, they act like the biggest drama queens you have ever seen in your entire life and they literally scream bloody murder.  It was hours of bloody murder screaming, people.  We don’t have “neighbors” in the regular sense.  But I was sure some of our “neighbors” might call the cops on us.  It was that bad.

And then.  David found one with an abscess.  And my job was to hold the piglet while David tried to drain the abscess.  This took some time.  There was a lot of screaming.  From the pig, not me.

At one point, I felt liquid pouring onto my boots.

HD:  Don’t worry, Mom!  The pus is not getting on you.  The piglet is just peeing.

Excellent.

And then, we found a piglet with a hernia.  And since David watches Dr. Pol, this is what we did:

I held the piglet and listened to it scream.

HD asked David 4.2 billion questions.

David pushed the hernia back in and put duct tape over it.

The pig shooting and sorting took a couple of hours.  I was feeling a bit fussy at the end because I had not yet been fed.  And Taylor doesn’t like to miss her meals.  Also, I still have a piglet living in a dog crate in my house.  And I just feel like it might all be too much for me.

Me:  David.  I think I have reached my limit.

David:  Why’s that?

For the love.

Also.  Remember how LD smelled like pig poop even after many showers?

I smell like pig poop.  And I guarantee you, I scrubbed.

***

Chicks are hatching.  I am trying to be a magical teacher about that, but I have a lot going on over here.

And I *might* be over it.

***

Oh!  I am also trying to homeschool the fab four.  So that’s going well.

***

A pig is literally grunting in my living room right now.  I can hear it.  I also hear chicks chirping.

***

Oh!  I thought the chickens didn’t ever go in the coop anymore.  I know.  You might say:

Taylor.  That is crazy talk.  Why wouldn’t chickens be in the CHICKEN COOP?

Well, Reader.  It is a long story that involves me not understanding and David redoing the chicken fence a couple of years ago to make room for more pigs and then the new fence not being high enough and the chickens making themselves free range because they could just fly over the fence and no one has time to care or fix the fence and the chickens are just everywhere.

But as I put SHOT piglets into the coop, I saw a few good hens!  And it pleased me to know  that some hens were still using their coop.

And now they must share the coop with a bunch of screaming piglets.  They are probably just as confused as I am.

***

Hadley is very concerned with our dog crate piglet.  She calls it her piglet and feels the need to love and name it.  Which is fine and wonderful and not at all overwhelming.

***

LD is always up to something.  Like in this photo.  I caught him trying to sneak the puppy into the hot tub with him.

So.  That’s an update on the goings-on over here.

Happy Thursday!

Yes, hello.  I am tired and freezing.  Please allow me to fill you in on recent events.

1.  Pig sales are in full swing.
2. David called yesterday at 6am to see if Kate could transport two piglets on her way to work.  This irritated Kate because, “I do not want pigs in MY car.”  So I told her she could take my car.
3. The pig people wanted two girls.  Lucky for me, not only do I have no idea how to genderfy kittens, I also don’t know how to genderfy pigs.  And, no.  Genderfy is not a word.  I made it up!
4. Me on the phone to David:  I have found one with nipples!  Lots of nipples!  Does that mean it is a girl?
   David:  No, they all have nipples.
5. Why is it so hard?
6. Once we got what we hope are two females loaded into a dog kennel, we loaded it into my car.  But my car would not start.  Story of my life.  So, I told Kate she had to take the pigs in HER car and it would be fine.  She wanted me to know that she would prefer to not make this  a habit.  Understandable.
7. I would like you to know that I used the power of YouTube and figured out that I needed to replace a battery in my key fob and my problem is now solved.  GO ME.
8. Then we sold four more pigs.
9. Today it was raining a treacherous rain.  All kids decided that all pigs were near death from the rain and were in full panic mode.  Two sickly pigs were brought into our home.  HD built a fire and Kate and Hadley lovingly cared for the little oinkers.  Our farm dog, Abbie, would not leave their side.

One is in a basket and one is in a kennel.

10.  We tried many things.  We gave them penicillin.  We gave them food and water.  We warmed them up.  We don’t know what we are doing.  I want you to understand that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblablah, injected penicillin into two pig bottoms.

11.  Then I had to go and find all the cows.  Two of our cows are “supposedly” supposed to have babies soon, so I had to go traipsing about the property to locate everyone.  I looked for almost an hour and could not locate Matilda, one of the gals who we feel is close. So, naturally, I am all agog thinking she is probably birthing AT THIS VERY MOMENT IN TIME.

12. I came back, soaking wet, just in time to hear that basket piglet died and people were here to buy 7 pigs.

13.  Who needs 7 pigs?  Seriously?

14.  Oh!  Also!  I am hatching chicks on my counter for my virtual students and there is a whole lotta chirping going on in those eggs right now.

15.  Then we sold 3 more pigs.

16.  Then HD found a dead pig outside.  For reasons unbeknownst to everyone.

17.  One pig is still alive in the dog kennel.

18.  I have dry pants on and am drinking tea, so I feel much happier.

19.  But, alas.  I just saw Matilda and she looks absolutely fine and not at all like she just had a baby.

20.  We can’t get pig smell off of LD.  He smells rank.  He has already taken three showers today.  He is assuring us he is using soap.  I feel like he might be telling the truth because he is now the #1 Fan of Dove Beauty Bars.  I normally buy Irish Spring, but had to buy Dove, and he is all about it.

“Oooh, Mom.  I am loving this Dove beauty bar.”

He calls it “Dove Beauty Bar” every time he speaks of it.

But today, after the shower, he made us smell his skin and all share in his disappointment that he still smelled like pigs, and not like a Dove Beauty Bar.

Happy Tuesday!

Well, here is a new hobby of mine:

Sitting on the deck in the evening with a cozy blanket and a basket of kittens at my feet.

I give it two thumbs up.

I forgot to tell you about this super precious card one of my students wrote to me to give me last Friday when he saw me for the first time since the shut down:

Dear Mrs. M

I really miss you.  I hoped we could see you again one day and it is finally here.

So that about killed me dead.

Reader.  Do you recall me telling you that the whole family was going into the pig business together?

Well.  Our PigVenture started yesterday.

Yes.  On Mother’s Day, of all the days.

The pigs arrived by semi.

Did I tell you how many we were buying?

200.

And please imagine this:  Taylor and children unloading and counting pigs while David was chatting away with Mr. Pig Truck Driver.

Taylor.  Handling pigs.  David.  Chatting.

I am attempting to share a video with you so you can hear the squealing.

Pigs act like they are about to die if they are touched.  They are quite dramatic.

So the pigs are cute.  And all is well.  And how long do you think until my property smells?

Lest there be any confusion, we are trying to resell these pigs as fast as possible.

Some people flip houses.

We are flipping pigs.

***

Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day was lovely.  I received gifts of many flowers.  The boys got me two hanging baskets and I was so surprised!

David got me two MORE hanging baskets and the girls got me my favorite blue hydrangea bush.

Fun Fact:  I have tried to plant a hydrangea plant about ten times in my life and I always kill the plant dead.

Can anyone help me?  I would prefer hydrangeas were in my life.  It would help to look at them when I am done counting my pigs.

A bunch of family came over.

We hiked.

David charmed the young nieces and nephew with horses and cows and farm tours.

My nephew, who loves me, made me my very own telephone for Mother’s Day.  Apparently he forgot to make his mother something and was in tears Mother’s Day morn.  But he remembered me!

Nephew:  Taylor.  I made you a telephone.  But it is made of paper and paper might tear.  Be careful with it!  If you rip it, I can make you a new one.

My mother in law brought over Season 1 of the Waltons so I can enjoy my Walton friends even more.

Alright.  I gotta go.  Someone is coming to look at four pigs this morning and I must look presentable!

Wish me luck!

Well, look at these handsome fellows.

I believe you are looking at Rocky and Dutch Bro, each about a year old.

They are in David’s holding tank for steers.

That means they will be meat in the fall.  Goshdarnit.  They are too cute to eat, are they not?

Kittens!

Hadley snapped this photo of our six little kittens last night.  HD and I were trying to hold them in place for a cute picture.  This was not an easy feat.  The kittens are so so cute and the mama cats could not be more pleased with themselves.  They are very fat and meow-y and love to rub up against everyone whenever we mention to them what a fine job they are doing rearing the youngins.

And when I say everyone, of course I just mean LD and I.  For we are the only ones who like the cats.

But let me tell you this:  Norma Jean Riley LOATHES the cute puppy, Charlie.  If Charlie even comes near her, she tries to slay her with her murderous claws.  She does not mind the other dogs.  In fact, she oft snuggles with Tank.  But she wants Charlie’s blood.

***

Today was a special day.  I got to go to the school with all the other teachers and the kids drove through the parking lot so we could wave.

Isn’t this a wild time to be alive?  I mean, what is going on?

Anyways.  My heart is shattered into a million pieces because this was the best class ever and now I don’t get to be with them anymore AND our district rezoned the boundaries and about a third of my students won’t even be at my school next year.  That’s not the way it is supposed to be!  I am supposed to get to see them in the halls and hug them at recess and have them be 5th grade reading buddies when they are older and are starting to need to wear deodorant.

Very sad.

But, today!  Today, I got to see a lot of my students and it filled my heart with joy.  I was given many flowers and cards and other lovely gifts.

One mother gave me a bottle of wine.

Her daughter:  Mom!  Mrs. M does not drink that stuff!

Daughter’s Mom:  She has four kids and is a teacher.  Of course she does.

Ha!

***

Little Dude, who should no longer be named Little Dude because he is currently the tallest dude, has been very sneaky as of late.

He keeps filling up a glass of water and then going outside.  And then coming back with it empty.

Well.  Remember.  I am a teacher AND a mom of four and sometimes my patience is gone.

Me:  What on earth are you doing with that water?!

LD:  Nothing, Mom!

Me:  No, not nothing!  What are you doing?

LD:  Gosh, Mom!  It is for your Mother’s Day gift!  And now it is ruined!

Me:  No, it is not ruined.  I have no idea what it is.  Honest.

It was a nice save, no?

Precious.  And maybe I should feel badly for getting on to him?

So, I was on a walk this evening, and look at what I came across:

Ok:

First of all:  This is precious.

Second of all:  Is he climbing the roof of the hay barn to water flowers for me?

Happy Friday!

There is one thing I am certain of:

I will never be selected to write a parenting book.

I might be selected to be a family that could be the inspiration for the dire need of a parenting book.

I have four quaranTEENS and everyone is sassy and moody and hungry and hates everything and is hyper and is silly and is bored and is angry all the time.

Let us discuss yesterday.

Yesterday, Hadley left to go to town.  She stopped halfway for gas.  She called me at the gas station to let me know she had locked her keys in the car and could someone please bring the spare?

Well, I was busy being an online magical teacher, so I enlisted Kate.  I told Kate she could take my car to save on gas.

Kate leaves.  I get a call soon after.

Kate:  Mom.  The trailer is hooked up to your car.

David used the car last and David did not unhitch the trailer.

Me:  Ok.  I can send the boys out to unhitch it or you can take your car and I will pay you back.

Full Disclosure:  I offered the boys because:

a)  I did not want to go outside at the moment.

b)  I really do not know how to unhitch trailers.  And they do.

Kate:  I will just take my car.

Me:  Ok, thank you.

So, I go back to my magical teaching and I get another call from Kate.  This time she is in full panic mode and yelling:

“I need the boys!  I need the boys!”

So, I run outside and she is nowhere to be found.

Me:  Where are you?!

Kate:  Down the road a ways.

Me:  Did you drive away without realizing you were hauling a trailer?

Kate:  Well, kind of, I guess.

So turns out she was trying to turn around and things did not go well for her.

HD hears the convo and immediately springs into action.  He fires up the four wheeler and goes down the road to where his sister and my car are.  He switches her spots.  Kate drives home on the fourwheeler, and HD, the 13 year old, backed the trailer up, turned it all around, drove it home, and then backed it into a parking space at home.

I would like the records to show that I have never done anything like that with any vehicle.

***

Today.

I was creating more magical videos for my students.  Whenever I create videos, I hang a sign on the front door.  It reads:

“Please come in quietly!  I am making videos!”

Earlier this week, LD ruined a video by peeing off the back deck.  Because we are a high class family.  And no, I do not know why he pees off the deck.  I hope he doesn’t pee off other people’s decks.

Anyways.  The boys were outside with their father (hallelujah!) and the girls were gone, so I hung the sign and I made the videos.

Oh, I was on a roll, Friends.  Also, I have created 92 videos since this whole thing started.  And not one of them is excellent.

I was reading Charlotte’s Web chapter 16, which is a pretty long chapter.  I was about 2/3 through it when the girls came home.  They did try to enter quietly, but the dogs barked.  Well there was no way I was starting that video over, so I just chatted with my virtual students about how the dogs always bark when someone comes in and I kept on reading.

Very professional.

So the girls are quietly doing this and that and I finish reading the chapter.  Once I finish the video I get up and start to do my usual mom things.

You know.  Dishes, laundry, dishes, wiping, laundry, sweeping, dishes.

I glance at the girls and Hadley is wearing swim bottoms and a t shirt.  I ask her if she showed her hiney in my Charlotte’s Web video.

Hadley:  Oh!  You were making a video!  Oops.  I thought you were just recording your voice.

So.  I make her watch my painfully long Charlotte’s Web Chapter 16.

And yes.  You can see the cheeks of her hiney.  Very noticeably in the video.

So, I will be redoing that one as well.

I am killing it over here, people.

***

There are two mama cats and six kittens living in my bathroom.  It is starting to feel chaotic.  I kind of want to kick them outside, but I fear if I do that, the kittens will be all wild and most of them will probably die from, like, coyotes or birds of prey or something.

Thoughts?

Happy Tuesday!

PS-I made tacos tonight AND it was Cinco De Mayo.

Happy Accident.

I bought myself some headphone things that don’t have cords.  They are all the rage, you know.  I drive my children nuts because:

A)  I cannot identify them correctly.

B)  I cannot hear ANYTHING when using them

C)  I don’t fully understand how to disconnect the bluetooth on my phone and struggle with talking on my phone after I listen to my hip tunes.

But other than that, I am doing great with them.

Me:  Kids!  Don’t get mad!  I am going to be putting my AIR BUDS in.

Oh, the rage that ensues.  Apparently they are not AIR BUDS.  Where did I get that phrase?  The movie?

Me:  Sheesh.  Ear buds?  Air pods?  Ear pods?

I still don’t know what they are called.  I know they are not the expensive ones.  We shall call them the wireless headphones.  That sounds good.

So.  I cannot hear out of my right ear.  And I already annoy my kids with my less than ideal hearing, and then why I have my airbuds in, I REALLY cannot hear.

Oh, for the irritation of it all.

Then!  Then sometimes, I get a call.  And I go to settings and I disconnect the airpods, but then two minutes into the conversation they activate again, even though no one asked them to, and I struggle to try to get them turned off before the person I am talking to hangs up out of irritation.

This happens EVERY time I am on the phone with my mother.  I keep explaining to her why, but I fear she has no idea what I am talking about.  My parents struggle with technology.

In fact, here is a sample of one of our conversations as of late:

Me:  I have been trying to get a hold of you forever.

Mom:  My phone didn’t even ring!

Me:  I texted Dad.  I asked him to have you call me, just so you know.

Mom:  Oh, like I am going to hear from him.  He doesn’t hardly know how to use his phone.  He never answers texts or calls.  I don’t think he knows what a phone is for.

Me:  Bummer.

Mom:  I need a new phone.  Will I be able to figure out an iPhone?

Me:  Sure.

Mom:  I have no time to learn something new.

Me:  Well, I don’t think it will be that hard.

Mom:  Well, I heard it will be hard and I cannot handle anything hard right now.

Me:  Well, I think you will be fine.  I switched to one and it was no big deal.  But who knows if I am evening using the iPhone correctly?  I don’t know.

*crickets chirping*

Me:  Mom?

I look at the phone and those dang ear pods are connected again!  So I struggle.  And I disconnect.  Just in time to hear:

Mom:  Helllloooooo?

Me:  It is me.  It was the air phones again.

Mom:  Alright, well I gotta go.  I have no idea what time your father will be home.  Even though I ask him EVERY DAY to text me when he is on his way home.

Me:  Sorry, Ma.

We hang up.  I try to connect my Pandora and my airbuds.  And then I get a text from my dad:

On my way home.  Call Taylor.

Poor Dad.  He finally remembered to text his wife to tell her he was on his way home.  And he actually got my message and was following instructions.

But he texted me, and not mother.

So close.

***

David has been working like crazy these days.  He came home last night around 9 and he asked me how my day was.  So I took the opportunity to give him the literal play by play of my day.

Me:

Well.  I did my online lessons and videos and all that jazz.  I did the dishes.  Did the laundry.  Woke the kids up.  Checked the cows.  Of course no one was in labor, story of my life.  Tried to monitor the kids and their school work.  HD cannot handle being in front of the computer for more than 20 minutes.  LD won’t get off the computer.  LD is “doing homework” all morning long, and yet he has missing assignments.  How is this possible?  Then I try to help the girls with this and that, and I just end up annoying them.

And then I started to make lunch.  LD was annoyed at me because I told him to get off the computer and brush his teeth.  He didn’t want to brush his teeth until after lunch.  I didn’t care because I saw his teeth and they were gross.  So I made him a cheese quesadilla, per his request. He sat at the table and glared.   Then I told him to eat so he could get to the chores.  He refused because:

“My mouth is too minty fresh from brushing my teeth and my lunch will taste gross.”

So, I sent him out to do the chores without eating first.

And then I did more dishes.  And then the kids went to do the sticks.

*Interruption.  We must discuss sticks.  David makes the poor little Maliblahblah children pick up many trailers full of sticks daily.  Every day ends in a fight.  I get fourteen phone calls about it.  I just love the stick chore.*

While the kids were picking up their four trailers of sticks, I decided to create some math videos.  While one video was loading, Kate called to let me know that HD was being super annoying and trying to purposely run over everyone’s feet with the 4 wheeler.  So I tried to problem solve on the phone, but since the phone is my internet, the phone call was messing up my video upload, so that was less than ideal.

About a half of an hour later, HD comes walking towards me from all the way in the back 40.  He is fine.  But he walks all this way to tell me that the girls ran over his foot with the 4 wheeler and it might be broken.

But then he notices my new deck furniture arrived and he wanted to open it immediately and assemble it.  I say fine because I don’t know how to assemble it.

While he is assembling, I take a walk with Charlie to check on the cows.  No one is in labor and she does a nice job of not chasing anyone.  While I was on the walk, Abbie the dog opened the front door to let herself in (she does this all the time) and no one noticed to close the door.  So a robin flew into the house.

So the robin was in the house for awhile and HD was trying to assemble furniture and the girls were trying to do homework.  I asked LD to do a chore and he replied:

“No.  I have worked enough today.”

So, that didn’t work out for me.

Then I made dinner and went to feed the calves and check on the cows again.  This time, I did not take any dogs, but a cow still went after me like she wanted to murder me and that was very scary.  But I lived. When I came back the boys had gotten into a fight and HD purposely broke the outdoor furniture he was assembling out of anger towards his siblings.

HD was sassy with me so I sent him to bed.  He came up and hour later to apologize and then repaired and finished all the furniture.

He worked pretty hard on it.  I paid him.  Do you think I paid him enough?

David:  Yes!  He didn’t finish the stick job!

Me:  Ok.  How was your day?

David:  Um.  Fine.

***

I rototilled the garden today.  I used my EarPods and sang at the top of my lungs while doing so. I truly hope my kids could hear me.

We are hoping to plant an orchard in there and forget the stupid weed/vegetable/weed garden we normally cultivate.

Happy Saturday!

Guys, I have a slight problem.  The cute puppy, Charlie, fancies herself a cow herding dog.  But she doesn’t really know what she is doing.  At all.  And she ends up just infuriating all bovine.

I do not know how to make her stop.   She is like thirty pounds of insanity.

Yesterday, I was in the back 40 checking on the cows, as I am wont to do, when out of nowhere, there was a stampede coming towards me.  I literally had to jump out of the way to spare my life.

To SPARE my life.

I told this to David.  He seemed unimpressed.  This bothered me.  I would like someone to care that I almost died because of a crazy thirty pound puppy who does not listen to the word “no.”

On Tuesday night, Kate and I were enjoying some evening hot tub time when we saw Charlie chasing the heifers.  So, there we were, hanging over the side of the hot tub yelling at the dang dog to stop chasing the dang heifers.  And did she stop?  No.

I thought to myself:  These are the moments your kids are going to remember of your family.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

This quarantine thing is going on forever, don’t you think?

We are doing puzzles as a family.  So that’s new.

Oh!  And David and I are totally into watching The Waltons TV show right now.  So that’s fun.

Goodnight, Jim-Bob!  Goodnight, Mary Ellen!

I gave all the males a haircut.  David’s looks fine.  The boys look like their mom tried to cut their hair in quarantine.  It looks bad, but not bad enough to fix.

I am getting the hang of this online teaching thing, but it is just way better to have the kids in a classroom.

I am always trying to make videos and my own children think I am a lunatic.  I sit at the table and read books and teach math and yell at everyone to keep quiet because I am trying to mold and shape young minds.

Today, I was reading Charlotte’s Web.  And can I tell you how much I love reading Charlotte’s Web to first graders?  Every year, I like it more and more.  If you have not yet read this book, I implore you:  read it.

Anywho.  I was sitting at the table, reading the lovely book, when LD walks out onto the back deck.  It was right behind me, so it was probably a bit disruptive, but I let it go because I was almost done with the chapter, and who has time to start over these days?

But then.

The horror.

I realized the child was peeing off the back deck.  In the background of my video.

For first graders.

So that added a bit of spice to Charlotte’s Web chapter ten.

Stand down, Readers!  I deleted it and started over.  Also, no matter what I do, I have eight chins and a super annoying voice in all my videos.

Alright.  Happy Thursday.