The Lumberjack's Wife

Norma Jean Riley has moved all four kittens to a yet-to-be-discovered location.  I have not had time to search for them, and frankly, I am getting a bit “over it.”  I don’t know who these cats think they are.

However, about a week ago, I had four dogs and ten cats all living on the main floor of my home.

And now I only have three dogs and three cats living on the main floor of my home.  Because I found new homes for one dog and two kittens.

It feels a bit more normal and I shall leave Norma and her kittens alone for awhile so I can act like I am not a crazy cat lady.

Update:  Rio and Mama Kitty are both getting fixed on Tuesday.  Let Operation “End the Kitten Madness” commence.

***

My crazy life has become an asset to my teaching career.  I don’t have time to really “plan” and be “thoughtful” about what I am doing each day.  But I have a gigantic bank of entertaining resources to help keep little ones engaged and, you know, things just come together man.

Oh a whim, I decided to teach them “ee.”

And then we stumbled across the book “Sheep in a Jeep.”

So, we have been working on “ee” and “sh” in phonics AND THEN we read a nonfiction book on sheep.

And I don’t know why it took me so long to remember but I HAVE AN ACTUAL SHEEP AT MY HOUSE.

Face palm.

But I remembered and I conferred with Little Dude, who is the shepherd of the aforementioned sheep, and asked him if my first graders could come up with names and have a class vote on the name for the sheep and then we could learn about collecting data and graphing and all peoples will rise and call me blessed for being such a “with-it” teacher who managed to “plan” a unit around “sh” and “ee” and ACTUAL sheep.  Oh, and sprinkle a bit of math in there, too.  Because, winning.

Little Dude could not care less if we name his sheep.  Little Dude thinks the sheep is a boy.  Little Dude’s voice is getting deeper by the second and it’s like every night he gets stretched out and wakes up bigger than the day before.

So, yeah.  I am going to name a sheep with my first graders today.  And it will be magical.

***

Abbie the dog loves David so very much.  She tries to act aloof about it, but we all know she is gaga.  If he walks by her, she pretends to be asleep, but her tail is pounding the ground and she looks like she is about to pee herself with sheer joy.  Yes, Reader.  David is a dreamboat and he has this affect on us gals.

If I hug David, as I am wont to do, being his wife and all, she gets uber jealous and barks at us to let us know that she, his TRUE LOVE, is right there.

On one of our camping trips, we were all standing around the campfire and were going to pray before the meal.

My father in law prefers it if we all hold hands for a prayer.  This put Abbie in a TIZZY and she stood and barked at David during the prayer because he was touching TWO people and not her.  And it was very disrespectful to the blessing and annoyed my father in law, but it is too hard to explain to him that a dog is in love with his son, so I just let him be annoyed and think we are raising heathen dogs who disrupt prayer.

***

The boys have bad grades so we took their phones.  This infuriated them.

HD:  Mom and Dad just don’t get it.  They don’t know what it is like to be in school because the last time they were in school was 1972.

LD:  YEAH!

***

David and I were not even twinkles in our parents’ eyes in 1972.

***

Let us discuss two precious first grader stories, shall we?

1.  One of my boys is SO CUTE. His hair is always perfectly combed and he has a bit of a southern accent.  He is super serious all the time and melts my heart.  I was working with him in a small group one afternoon (online, of course) and we were going to play a rhyming game that involved clapping.  He looked very serious and said:

“My baby is sleeping.”

Which meant, his little sister was taking nap and he did not want to clap and wake her.

2.  The kids were supposed to write a story across three pages and share it with me in a video.  I needed this for an assessment.  I needed to see the text and hear their story.

I have this student and I am pretty sure that if he ruled the world, he would not be in online school.  But, I digress.

He gets a bit sassy with his videos and is always saying something like:

My name is Billy.  You already know that.

Yesterday’s video:

Hi.  My name is Billy.  Like normal.  I am not going to read this to you.  You are not in kindergarten, you can read it yourself.

So, I am going to have to email mom and ask for her to send me the writing somehow.

Fun Fact:  Mom was sitting right by him when he told me he would not read it to me.

***

In closing, let us have an update on Auntie Datenut and the Facebook/Clothing saga.

To bring you up to speed:
1.  Auntie doesn’t understand Facebook.

2.  Kate posted something about being a clothing ambassador for a shop and thanked everyone for her support.  This means that IN THE FUTURE she might be wearing cute clothes for a shop and would appreciate our FUTURE support.

3.  Auntie went back through six years of clothing and commented her support for Kate’s clothing.

4.  I have not had time to connect with Auntie.  She is asleep the times I am awake and I am asleep the times she is awake and she has a cell phone, but she sends one text and then turns it off for like a week and it is just hard to connect with her, you know?

5.  Kate posted a collage of pictures of her and Auggie.  These pictures have nothing to do with her new gig as a clothing ambassador.

Auntie’s Comment:

Dearest Kate.  I love you to pieces and I want to support you and your clothes, but girl y’all gonna have to wear something more than torn jeans although they are tres chic.  Just sayin’.

Who will connect with Auntie and help her sort through this confusion?

Not it.

Just sayin’.

Happy Wednesday.

The other day, I went and got pedicures with my two friends.

Yes.  I have two friends.

Let’s call them Tiffany and Erika.

As we were getting pedicures, Tiffany decides to bring up my strange farm life.

Tiffany to the Spa gals:  Taylor had 100 pigs this spring!

Spa Gal:  ONE HUNDRED?

Me (sigh):  Actually, the first round was 200 and the second was 150, so we had a total of 350.

Tiffany:  And Taylor even had to nurse a few of them.

And as she said that, she made a motion that would insinuate that I, Taylor Maliblahblah, nursed sickly weaner pigs on my own chest areas.

Spa gal literally stopped working on my feetsies and stared right at me.

Me:  Nope.  With a bottle.  Not “nursing.”

***

David and I traveled many miles this weekend to get the Trailer of Dreams.  We took Cali, Alex’s dog, along with us.  Because after 2 1/2 years, he was ready to bring her home.

I will admit that I caring for Cali was NOT all sunshine and rainbows, but it was nice to see how happy Alex and Cali were to finally be reunited.  It almost made it all worth it.

Almost.

But anyways.  We had to leave Saturday, and Alex could not take Cali until Sunday.  So we did something I didn’t really know people did:

We stayed in a hotel room with a dog.

A.

Dog.

As we were getting ready to go on Saturday, I was getting one of the dog kennels from the house cleaned up and ready to go.  We figured we would need a kennel for Cali in the hotel.

Because, and please sit down for this, some hotels let people stay with dogs.

?

When we were about to leave, David informed me that he had loaded the kennel.  But I noticed the kennel and I had prepared was still sitting in our room.

David:  I grabbed one from the shop.

Me:  The one that used to house sickly pigs?

David:  I guess.

Me:  Isn’t it too small?

David:  Nah.

Me:  Is there still old pig poop hay in the bottom?

David:  Maybe.

And off we went.

Cali was a very good girl for the trip.  We got her into the hotel room and it was time to put her to bed in the kennel.

She didn’t want to go.

Also, she was too big.

Cali is fat.

David had to literally shove her in.  And, yes.  There was still pig poop hay in the kennel.  In case you were wondering.  And Cali hated the kennel and busted out of there around midnight.

We bought the trailer.  We met up with Alex and Lauralee.  We passed off the dog.  And then it was time to drive home.  And David wanted to take a nap.

So, I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah drove the ginormous diesel truck and hauled our new fifth wheel for SEVENTY WHOLE MILES.

I drove it like a champ.  About 18 semi trucks passed me.  And David bought me my favorite ice cream cone:  moose tracks in a waffle cone.

***

I believe I have solved the mystery of Auntie Datenut commenting on years worth of pictures regarding clothes.  The common denominator in all of these photos was Kate.

Kate was selected to be some sort of clothing ambassador?  For a clothing boutique?  I cannot be certain.

So she posted on The Facebooks that she was such an ambassador  for the clothing and appreciated all the love and support.

Now.  I am under the impression that Auntie does not use Facebook the way most people use it. She claims she doesn’t have a newsfeed.  So, when she gets on Facebook, she just looks up people and checks them out for awhile.  I guess.

So, she saw Kate’s post and then proceeded to go through years of photos and comment on the clothing.

Comments such as:

“Such cute clothes!”

“Here I am.  Your faraway aunt supporting you and your clothes!”

“Can’t really see your clothes in this picture, but I support you by stating I am sure they were fashionable.”
“Cute 3 inches of tank top I can see in this picture.”

You guyzzzzz.  I laughed so hard when it all came together.

Poor, sweet Auntie Datenut.

She gets an E for Effort, for sure.

Toodles!

Charlie the puppy keeps running around with a pig foot and here are tonight’s top stories:

We bought some land next to us and we have been trying to find the exact corners and have been unsuccessful.

Last night, I decided to be my husband’s help meet and go find them.  I got myself into quite a bind when I traversed onto an area that is like a giant rock pit.  It was very steep and I did not want to blow my knee out again.  So I got on my butt and slid down the hill.  I still could not find the necessary boundary marker.  So I called my neighbor.  Neighbor knew exactly where it was and I was WAY off.  And I totally didn’t need to slide down a mountain.  I wonder if anyone saw me?

Speaking of neighbors, David does not ever want to inconvenience them.  So if someone mentions a concern about anything, he takes care of it.

We took in his brother’s dog, Cali, 2 1/2 years ago.  I found this to be quite inconvenient, but he is not usually worried if I am inconvenienced.

Cali is highly annoying and bark/howls endlessly.  For two and a half years I have waited for a neighbor to make a comment.  For I knew that if David felt the neighbors were bothered, he would make other plans for Cali.

Reader.  No neighbor ever called.

Yesterday, I mentioned to a neighbor that Cali would be leaving.

Her response:

“Oh, thank goodness.  She is SO LOUD.”

TWO AND A HALF YEARS, PEOPLE.  TWO AND A HALF YEARS.

***

I did a live writing assessment with my first graders.  I do not tell them how to spell words, because that would be COCONUTS.  I encourage them to sound words out and just try their best.

One boy was sitting kind of funny and was coming in at an angle on his Zoom camera.  He leaned in and said:

“Mrs. M.  I am trying to spell ‘At the park.’  I have the letter ‘A” and I do not know what comes next.”

*sigh*

Me:  Sound it out.  Aaaaaaaa-t.  A-T.

He looks at me and says ” Got it.  “t”.”  Then he did the little finger shooting thing and gave me a smile and muted himself.  And for some reason did not want help with “the” or “park.”

I love first graders.

We had a Zoom scavenger hunt today and one thing they had to find was a square of toilet paper.  While kids were waiting after class to talk to me, one girl wrote:  I love Mrs. M with marker on her toilet paper and shoved it up to the camera.

My own children are exasperating me.  Here is a list of grievances:

1.  I opened the fridge and salsa flew out at me because

a)  Someone did not close the salsa

b)  Someone just chucked it into the fridge and then slammed the door really quickly.

Also:  I checked with all the kids.  No one did it.

2.  My teens got home about an hour before me.  And as I was still driving home, I was

called and asked what was for dinner and when was dinner.

3.  My children were inconvenienced because they had to wait for me to cook dinner.

And they were so hungry.  The nerve of me.

4.  I bought a cute table runner and decorative pillows.  HD doesn’t understand why I

bought something so stupid.

5.  I have to literally bribe HD with milkshakes so he will speak when his physical

           therapist speaks to him.  As she is trying to help heal his hand.

      6.  We caught our old dog, Tank, trying to eat poo nuggets out of the litter box.

One child (who shall remain nameless) said this actual sentence:

“You guys.  I am actually serious about this.  What if he is trying to commit suicide?”

7.  One child told me he/she thinks he/she has a spending problem.  And he/she had a

solution to fix it.  And his/her solution started with this actual sentence:

“So, in order to help my problem, I am now buying _____________.”

Me:  So you are shopping to help stop your shopping problem?

Child:

8.  Oh.  I am ruining Hadley’s life.  Because apparently when all of her friends google a

a needed school link, it pulls up my teacher page.

“MOM.  Now everyone knows I am related to you.  And you are a teacher.  And

sometimes your picture shows up!  It is awful.”

9.  But please remember:  there are people in the world who do like me and write me

notes on squares of toilet paper.

10.  My apple watch charger has been stolen and not returned.  No one took it.  But I

know in my heart of hearts it was Hadley.  She steal/loses everything.

***

Auntie Datenut.

Auntie Datenut did something odd last night.  She went through several of our family pictures during the wee hours of the morning and commented on them.  But all the comments had to do with our clothing and how she approved of our clothing.  And I do not understand why.

***

We got a book and a dog pool/bath in the mail today that no one here ordered.  And I am plum confused.

***

Do you remember how David hit a deer with my car?  It still is not fixed.  In fact-hasn’t even been started.

***

Not only are we taking Cali to her new home this weekend, but we are picking up our new fifth wheel.  The fifth wheel will be for our river property and for camping.  It might be nicer than my house.  But that’s only because the kids haven’t been in it yet.

***

Let us end with a cute first grade story.  Have I mentioned that I teach/love first grade?

We were taking a break and I had them all mute/stop video and told them to come back at 9:45.  I had my headphones on and was answering emails.  Around 9:42, I hear:

Student A:  Mrs. Malikaka?  Are you there?

Student B:  I do not think she is here.

Student A:  Where IS she?

Student B:  I think she is getting a snack.

Student C:  I think she is taking a bath.

Student A:  There are no baths at schools!

*giggle, chuckle, giggle*

Friends.

I am happy to report that I worked AND PREPARED DINNER.  I think we can officially declare that I am in recovery from the beginning of the school year.

Once again, we must go with a list, for that is all my brain can handle.

1.  I guarantee you I am going to put on weight with this new job.  Because I DON’T MOVE.  It is horrific.  I am used to chasing first graders around all day.  Now I am staring at a computer.
2. Do you remember how I was all “Proverbs 31-y” and was “considering a field to buy it?” I did buy it.  It went through.  And now we own an extra 10 acres.  Right next to our current lands.
3. David told me to expect more cows.
4. Reader.  I am ok with that.
5. Reader.  I love cows.
6. Ok.  Full disclosure.  The reason why I am guaranteeing you that I will put on weight with this new job is because I already did.  Sad.
7. WE BOUGHT A NEW TRAILER.  You guyzzzz.  It is the nicest thing I have ever seen.  And, oh!  It is a 5th wheel.  And, oh!  This is the first time I have ever picked one out.
8. Me:  David!  I just want to shut the kids up in a room and not see all their mess.  If I have to walk into a trailer ONE MORE TIME and see LD’s underwear hanging from the window, I am going to flip my lid.
9. My new trailer has a room.  With a door.  That I can close.  And pretend I don’t have boys.
10. 
11. Reader.  It is nicer than my house.  We pick it up next weekend.
12. I took a kitten with me to school.  Are we surprised?  No.  No, we are not.  Here is what I learned about kittens today:  They are super needy when they are not with their mamas.  How inconvenient.
13. Meet Jack.

14.  I brought Jack into town so he could meet his new human-mama.  He had to stay in my classroom and I foolishly decided this would be fine.

15.  It was NOT FINE.

16.  He was all happy in his cage and then I had to go live on the Zoom with the first graders.  And by the way-have I told you how much I love first graders?  I mean, if you are looking for a new career, look into teaching first grade.  It is the best.  Ok.  Full disclosure:  it is exhausting and you won’t be wealthy, but you will be entertained and your heart will be full.

17.  And then while I was reading a story, Jack escaped and crawled up me.  As I was reading “Sheep in a Jeep” and teaching my beloved first graders that “ee” says long “e.”

18.  Beloved first graders had a journal writing prompt today.  It was:  The last time I laughed really hard was ____________.

Here is one of my precious first grader’s entries:

I believe it said:  The last time I was laughing really hard was today when the cat climbed up my teacher when she was reading me a story.

19.  I taught the aforementioned first graders that the word “weep” means to cry and encouraged them to use it in a sentence to their parents and knock the socks off their parents.

20.  One precious firstie waited several minutes after a Zoom meeting to ask me:

“Mrs. M.?  What was that fancy word that means “cry” again?”

Me:  Weep.

Firstie nodded and logged off.

21.  Have I mentioned that I enjoy first graders?

22.  I also love supportive and kind parents.  Seriously.  It makes all the difference.  Even if the teacher isn’t hitting grand slams, make them feel like you appreciate them.  It truly does help.  Teaching is hard.  Every teacher I have ever met wants to do their best for their students.

23.  I have this one parent.  She is an absolute blessing to me.  I had one of her precious boys last year and luckily, I have another precious son this year.  I believe they came from the south and they are so respectful.  They say “Yes, Ma’am” and make my heart melt.

24.  Sometimes precious mama gets confused and she talks to me on the zoom.  She always says, “Oh, excuse me, Mrs. M.  I look a-mess.”  And I think it is so funny because she is the most lovely person inside and out.  And when she is talking to me, I look like this:

And may or may not have a kitten crawling up me.

25.  David got a job promotion offer.  If he took it, we would have to move.  He doesn’t want it, but I would be ok if he took it.  I am proud of him.  He works hard.

26.  I went to get my hair did today.  I STILL do not have gray hair.

And I would also like to take this time to remind you that not only do I not have gray hair, but I have never had a cavity NOR a speeding ticket.

Have yourselves a nice Tuesday, alright?

Alright.

Good Night.

Friends.

There is so much going on, I do not know where to begin.  And I am  39 and life is hard for me now, so I cannot formulate a story.  So a list is what we will be working with today.

Thank you for your understanding.

1.  David insists the boys should do the dishes.  This is what happens when the boys do the dishes on a night we make rice:

Off David goes to work the next morning, happily at 5 am.

Taylor gets to scoop rice out of the bottom of the dishwasher.

2.  I love first graders.  I miss having them in the classroom, but I am loving my virtual class.  At the end of our meetings, I let kids sign off, but if they have a question or want to talk to me, I tell them to stay on live with me for a bit.  One kid always says:

“You are the best teacher in the whole world.”

Every day.  And I love him.

Another kid stayed on for five minutes just to say, “See you soon!”

First grade is the BEST.

Change my mind.

3.  I have a great teaching team this year.  We work really well together and it makes all the difference.  We really need document cameras, so one of my teammates created a Donors Choose project so we could try and get some document cameras.

Teammate:  I need a clever title for my project.  Hmmm. . . How about, “Teacher, make it bigger!”

Me:  NO!  That sounds like a “that’s what she said” joke just waiting to happen.

4.  We named it something else.

5.  I came home to one of the kittens looking like this the other day:

Ok.  This kitten is like six weeks old.  It was in the bathroom with Mama and two siblings.  Mama and the other kittens were dry.  The only thing LD and I could conclude was that kitten had fallen into the toilet and Mama saved it from drowning in a toilet.

Mama kitty is such a good Mama.

I used a blow dryer on Toilet Kitty.  Toilet Kitty did not like it.

6.  Toilet Kitty is still alive.

7.  Taylor tries to remember to make sure all toilets are closed when she leaves each day.

8.  I forgot to post this picture from Alex’s wedding.

My boys were helping Grandpa (David’s dad) get ready for the wedding.

I liked the picture, simply because, I liked it.

9.  HD’s hand is a big, fat mess.  We had to go to his post-op today.  He needs therapy and a splint and all sort of TLC for six weeks.

David:  When can he start on farm chores?

Me:  Do not mess with my child!  I am taking it from here!

10.  HD’s new scar

11.  I had a student.  It was not working out with him to be online full time.  He would always run away from the Zoom meetings.  But his mom would stay.

And she became my number one fan.

She sat and listened to my stories.

She requested books.

She answered questions.

She was sad when they made a change for her child’s education.

At least I reached one mom.

12.  Norma Jean Riley had four kittens yesterday.

13.  16 kittens have been born in my house in 2020.  That I know of.

14.  I am making appointments for cats to be fixed.

I am tired.  I am going to bed now.  Goodnight.

There is a picture that will never go away.

This gem of a photo was taken circa 1995.  From left to right you can see Sister Meagan, Ma, and myself.

It was to be a treasured Valentine’s Day gift for my father.

What is up with the makeup?

What is up with the shiny tarps?

I shudder.

For reasons unbeknownst to me, Ma shared this photo AGAIN on the Facebooks.  Hadley commented on it:

“MOM.  WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!”

Sister Meagan thought that was humorous, seeing as how all three of us were wearing shiny tarps.  So why would Hadley single out me?

But that is the story of my life.  My kids are hard on me.

***

I made an appointment to put Tank down.  And then I felt awful and conflicted and horrified.

He is 12 1/2.  Sometimes his back legs don’t work.  He pants heavily a lot.  He has more frequent accidents.

But he still seems fairly happy.  And we love him.

It is not an easy decision to make, let me tell you.

But, I scheduled the appointment for my next day off.  And then I was invited for pedicures with gal pals and that sounded like a WAY BETTER PLAN.  So that is what I will do instead.  And I feel relieved.  I don’t think we are ready to do that quite yet.

***

I want a new trailer.  I found a used trailer I like but it was like 7 hours away.

So.  David, the boys, and I jumped in the ginormous diesel truck and started the drive to the used trailer.

We started the drive.  It was the most beautiful drive in the whole, wide world.  I drove for a bit and David was playing music for me on his phone.  He was also playing Solitaire.  So the entire time I was driving, it sounded like I was in a casino.

Me:  David.  Turn the game sounds off.

David:  If I do, the music will turn off.

Me:  No.  Go to your app settings.

David:  It won’t work.

Me:  Yes, it will.

David:  No, it won’t.

And then he played a song I enjoyed.  The boys groaned.

HD:  Ugh.  Maybe we will get kidnapped.

Because that is apparently how awful my taste in music is.

As soon as we switched drivers, I turned David’s solitaire sounds off and demonstrated how we could still listen to music.

I win.

Luckily, Sisters Meagan and Jess live in the very city the used trailer was located.  So we got to see them for not one, but TWO meals.

We don’t have Chic-Fil-A where we live, but there is one here.  LD was EXTREMELY excited to eat there, but their dining room was closed.

I blame the Corona.

So, we feasted at a Mexican restaurant.  LD ate a lot of bean dip and chips.  And polished off everyone’s leftovers.

HD ordered a cheeseburger and Sister Meagan was so delighted, seeing as how she had never met anyone who ordered a burger at a Mexican restaurant.

The boys were their usual jolly selves.

Then we went and looked at the trailer and it was not ideal.  So then we went and looked at several other trailers and now we have stars in our eyes and want to spend all the money.

Me:  I want THAT one!
David:  It is nice

Me:  I am worried the boys will destroy it.

David:  I guarantee you, the boys will destroy it.

Sister Meagan and Jess hosted us for dinner and we had a lovely time.  We drove home, happy and trailerless.

And I would like to let the records show that spending two days straight in the truck with the boys is a bit too much.

Happy Sunday!

Reader.  Do you recall that we got new tires on my car?  Right before David hit a deer?

Reader.  My car is still not repaired.

Reader.  I was having to drive the ginormous flatbed duelly diesel truck.

Reader.  David fixed the old Subaru.

Reader.  Did you know we had an old Subaru?

Reader.  We have an old Subaru.

David fixed it.  The boys are embarrassed to be seen in it, but I am loving this new life of parking with ease and filling up my gas tank for $26.42.

Me:  David.  I kind of like driving the Subaru!  I am saving a ton in gas!

David:  Great.

Me:  Although I have no idea what the status is of the tires or if the oil needs to be changed.

David:  Oh.  It needs new tires.  I am surprised you haven’t had a blow out.

Me:  !

Me:  David!  I do not want to have a blow out!  It is one of my biggest fears.  Can I get new tires?

David:  No.

And then I went to sleep.

Why did David say no?  That is the question inquiring minds want to know.  Here is a list of possible reasons:

1.  He heard from the mechanic and my car will be ready soon.  So why buy new tires?
2. He knows a guy who wants to trade half a beef and a full pig for a half used set of tires and he would rather go that route.
3. He thinks he can get a smokin’ deal on Craigslist.
4. He was messing with me and the tires really are not all that bad.

So.  The next day.

The next day, I call him and tell him I do not want a blow out.  He said he thinks he found a deal on tires for about $200 but they are like an hour away and he doesn’t know when he can get them.

And, Reader.  Would you like to know what I did?  Because I am almost 40?

I took the car and got BRAND NEW tires put on it for $363.

Because, ain’t nobody got time for that.

I did take care of this all by myself.  I am proud of me for figuring out tire sizes and calling the tire shop and having my dear teacher friends drive me to the tire shop and return me.

One problem:  I had arranged for the tires to be at a completely different tire shop.  Like an hour north of me.

Oops.

Tire shop dude was nice and worked it out.  Happy Endings.

Ok.  I teach online school  Online school provided me with a headset. A headset is necessary for my job as I am in a room with three other teachers and it can get loud.

Provided headset is sooooooooooooo uncomfortable.

So, I ordered a new one off of Amazon.

Also.  I ordered blue light glasses, because they seem to be all the rage these days.

I tried the head set on and it was like heaven on my ears.

And my boys were like:

Oh.  Ok.  Hi, Gamer.

David told me I was a total dork.

Sister Meagan said I look like I should work for Air Traffic Control.

Hadley said:

Mom.  What are you doing?

And now, dear Readers.  Who can recommend a comfy, yet fashionable headset for Taylor, the online teacher?

Please advise.

P.S.

I love Rio.

The end.

Awhile back, I purchased a used bedroom set and I double love it.  David does not love it when I purchase things that require him to assemble.  But I don’t love it when he purchases things that I fall in love with and he butchers.  So.  Even Steven.

Anyways.  We got this bed and we put it together, but he didn’t want to screw it all together properly.  And what did I care?

So.  Last weekend, we were on said bed.  And it totally broke.  Like we fell in.

Apparently we caused quite the ruckus, because Kate walked in and scolded us.

Kate: WHAT were you two DOING?

Me:  I was watching “Call the Midwife” and eating a tasty snack.  Dad was asleep.

She sighed and helped pull us up out of the mess, then walked away thoroughly disgusted with us.  We got the bed all set up again.

We did not properly screw it all together.  We are hoping to scar our teens again soon.

***

HD had his surgery today.  He did very well with it.  He was pretty funny coming out of anesthesia, but not as coco-nuts as his sister, Kate.

He really wanted to go to his favorite coffee stand.  Which, surprisingly, is not Dutch Bros.

Me:  Do you want a mocha granita?

HD (panicked):  What time is it?

Me:  11:30am

HD:  The granita special isn’t on until 2pm.  I prefer the frappucino, but if it is after 2pm, I order the granita so I can save my family money.  So, frappucino please.

Well, right on, HD.

He also required two chocolate donuts.  One with sprinkles and one without.  I obliged.

Sadly, HD needs to be in a splint for four weeks and not use the hand for six weeks.  This will be a challenge, seeing as how he is David’s mini-me.

He already cannot handle it and went to water the lamb and he even vacuumed.  He is determined to do things one handed.

HD:  Mom, in a way I am really lucky.

Me:  Why is that?

HD:  I didn’t really cut my hand all that bad.

Me:  Oh, yeah?

HD:  Yeah.  Because the knife I cut myself with is one that Dad uses to cut through bones.

*shudder*

And, finally, HD likes to dictate emails for me to send to his teachers.  He is very specific on the wording and I am not allowed to say that he cut his hand without including that he cut it while butchering pigs.  For fear people will think he was trying to harm himself.

Here is an example of an email he would have me write:

Dear Mr. ________

On Saturday, HD was helping his Dad butcher pigs.  For meat.  He accidentally cut the top of his hand and has to have surgery.  He cannot use both of his hands.  How would you like him to type papers for you?

Thank you.

He is very stressed out about typing.  And tying shoes.

While he was in surgery, I ordered him some new Nike slides so he wouldn’t have to worry about shoelaces for awhile.

David would scoff at my indulgence of the boy.  But I don’t care.  Because I am almost 40 and my baby boy cut his hand on a knife his father uses to CUT THROUGH BONES and had to have surgery.

The boy gets new Nike slides.

And two pairs of nice socks.

Fun fact:  My mother calls slides, “sliders.”

Me:  Mom, a slider is a sandwich.

Mom:  And that shoe your kids like.

Me:  No.  Just a sandwich.

Happy Tuesday